EP 147: Alayna Joy — Coming out to 400k Subscribers, Queerness in Climbing, and Compulsory Heterosexuality

Alayna Joy is a queer content creator and YouTuber, and newly obsessed climber. We talked about her journey of discovering she is gay, coming out publicly on her already-successful YouTube channel, how climbing has become an anchor for her, compulsory heterosexuality, questions we should ask ourselves, queerness in climbing, why our climbing progress slows down over time, and much more.Check out So Cards!socards.orgUse code “NUGGET” at checkout for 20% off your next order!Check out Athletic Greens!athleticgreens.com/NUGGETUse this link to get a free year's supply of vitamin D + 5 travel packs!Check out Rhino Skin Solutions!rhinoskinsolutions.comUse code “NUGGET” at checkout for 20% off your next order!Check out Grasshopper Climbing!grasshopperclimbing.cominstagram.com/grasshopperclimbingTell them I sent you to save $500 off a fully kitted out 8'x10' Grasshopper board!  We are supported by these amazing BIG GIVERS:Leo Franchi, Michael Roy, David Lahaie, Robert Freehill, Jeremiah Johnson, Scott Donahue, Eli Conlee, Skyler Maxwell, Craig Lee, Mark and Julie Calhoun, and Yinan LiuBecome a Patron:patreon.com/thenuggetclimbingShow Notes:  thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/alayna-joyNuggets:0:06:36 – Julio0:09:27 – Places that feel like home0:16:32 – Feeling like I already know Alayna from watching her channel, and parasocial relationships0:19:37 – Sharing her story to make others feel less alone0:21:39 – Starting her YouTube channel in high school, her first three videos, and hitting 800 subscribers0:27:30 – Working as a server during university, and getting her first YouTube brand deal0:31:38 – The phenomenon of being an introvert and a content creator0:34:39 – Bisexuality, and the first time Alayna came out0:37:54 – Being in a serious relationship with a man, and feeling disconnected from her queerness0:42:54 – Coming out to her partner as gay, and talking herself out of it0:46:25 – The constant little voice in her head convincing her she was happy0:48:08 – “The big oopsie”0:51:26 – Being afraid that she was playing into bisexual stereotypes by coming out as gay0:54:41 – Compulsory heterosexuality (comp het), and why it took Alayna so long to realize she was gay0:58:08 – Why Alayna thought she was demiromantic for most of her adult life1:00:19 – Seeing the world through new eyes1:05:16 – “I’m in therapy, and I’M TIRED!”1:06:05 – Alayna pays me a very nice compliment, and I talk about drawing people in and hoping they learn something that goes beyond rock climbing1:10:43 – I come out as not a lesbian, and Alayna asks everyone listening to ask themselves a question1:12:54 – “Climbing is gay.”1:18:36 – How climbing became an anchor for Alayna1:21:17 – Working on her relationship with climbing1:23:32 – Making quick progress as climbers early on, why our progress slows over time, and the magic of climbing1:32:01 – The stories our brains tell us1:34:36 – So Cards! (socards.org, use code NUGGET for 20% off)1:36:29 – So Cards question 1: “If you never had to worry about money, what’s one goal that you would dedicate yourself to?”1:40:00 – So Cards question 2: “When you were a kid, what scared you about growing up?”1:46:05 – So Cards question 3: “What do you think people tend to take for granted in their relationships?”1:53:14 – You’re not alone, and living your life as your most authentic self1:56:00 – Patron question from Wren: How was your experience finding a queer community within the larger climbing community, and do you have any tips for queer climbers finding these spaces?2:00:26 – Where to find Alayna on the internet