EP 149: Interrupting the Fawning Trauma Response: Leadership, Safety, and Self-Trust with Dr. Ingrid Clayton

Most of us know about the “fight, flight, freeze” responses to trauma. But there is another concept that has been steadily gaining awareness over the last several years, in large part due to pop psychology on social media: Fawning.You might have heard it described as akin to extreme people-pleasing, over-accommodating, over-functioning, and fundamentally a problem in the person doing the fawning. But as my guest today illuminates for us, it’s not a personal failing, or even always a conscious choice. It is human nature to prioritize safety and connection, and fawning is a means of keeping ourselves safe. But when fawning runs the show, self-leadership diminishes and quietly drifts toward conflict-avoiding, blurred boundaries, and self-abandonment.Waking up to your fawning response takes courage. You will meet resistance from some as you shift the dynamics of your relationships. But it also unlocks deeper intimacy, more honest connection, and the joy that comes from trusting yourself and letting others meet the real you.This conversation invites you to consider where and with whom you fawn, and how you might want to respond in the future. Fawning has a real purpose when safety is on the line, but the more we are aware of it, the more we can be intentional about how we show up in our relationships.Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s degree in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. In her private practice in Los Angeles she supports individuals in healing trauma, reclaiming agency, and reconnecting to their authentic selves.She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, and her work has been featured in Oprah Daily, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Forbes, 10% Happier with Dan Harris, Girls Gotta Eat, and NPR’s On Point with Meghna Chakrabarti. Ingrid’s latest book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, explores the often-overlooked fawn response to trauma.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why fawning shows up as an unconscious response to ongoing relational traumaHow understanding fawning helped Ingrid understand and heal from her own complex traumaHow our culture demands and reinforces fawning for women and marginalized peopleThe often very real bind of choosing safety over self and the feedback loop it createsAccessible practices to build a sense of internal safety and self-trustHow chronic fawning and self-abandonment contribute to burnoutLearn more about Ingrid Clayton, PhD:WebsiteInstagram: @ingridclaytonphdFacebook: @ingridclaytonphdYouTube: @ingridclaytonphdUnfawning on SubstackFawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves–and How to Find Our Way BackBelieving Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex TraumaLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:What Is the Fawning Trauma Response? | Psychology TodayPeter LevineThe Greatest Showman Cast - This Is MeThe Traitors