EP 151: Why Networking Feels Gross and How to Build Relationships That Actually Last with Monique Kelley

When you think of networking, do you feel discomfort or even dread?Most of us learned that “networking” is fundamentally transactional, asking for and doling out favors in order to further our aims. Maybe you or someone you know is the type to be constantly trying to connect people to prove their own worth, or counting themselves out because they feel like they have nothing to offer. That’s the kind of networking that makes us go, “Ugh, I’d rather stay home.”But networking can be about building real, powerful connections. And we need relationships, networks, and communities more than ever. And you don’t have to be a dedicated extrovert. You can cultivate a way of building connections and community that works for your nervous system and your lifestyle. The goal is discernment–knowing when to give, when to receive, and trusting that you have something worth bringing.As my guest today shares, if we want to redefine networking, it starts with checking our biases and our burdens about what and who networking is and who it’s for. Monique Kelley is a trusted, purpose-driven professor at Boston University, a consultant and published author who serves in a fractional capacity for Fortune 50 and global biopharmaceutical companies seeking a strategic corporate, product or executive communications head who advances business objectives and alleviates their headaches. Professor Kelley wrote the book (literally) on effective networking, Redefining Networking: How to Lead with Your Unique Value. She is also a Boston Founding Member of women C-suite and executive community CHIEF.Monique has built a strong network that she taps into for her consulting, referrals for her former coworkers and opportunities for her students and industry peers. At BU, she teaches the first and only Career Readiness course within the College of Communication. She teaches students and professionals alike her approach to effective networking and has facilitated “lead with your value” workshops for corporations and professional organizations, including Johnson & Johnson's Global Commercial Strategy Organization and Ticket to Biotech.Listen to the full episode to hear:How to reach out without making it transactionalWhy networking should start with people you already know, not strangersSimple steps for connecting and communicating your unique valueWhy you have to take the time to build equity and trust before making an askWhy reciprocity and long-term relationships are the real goals of networkingHow thinking about what you can contribute in return can take the pressure off asking for helpLearn more about Monique Kelley:Redefining NetworkingConnect on LinkedInRedefining Networking; How to Lead with Your Unique ValueLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:My journey to find friends helped me find community instead | Shannon WattsDorie ClarkAdam GrantThe Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses, Mita MallickEP 139: Bad Bosses Aren’t Born, They’re Made: Breaking Toxic Leadership Cycles with Mita MallickThe RootsJohn Candy: I Like Me