Right. One thing I just want to make clear. I want to make it clear. Right.
I just want to make one thing clear today. Yes. Let's just have a good look. OK.
One thing. Let's just have a good show. Yeah. You and me together have a good show.
Clean show. Yeah. And all of it was cleaning. None of this, you know.
No, I don't. That's why I said it's what I need. None of this bad faith from you. Yeah.
You fucking do all the time. One thing Paul. Yeah. My name's Paul Ganon.
I do a podcast called Cheap Show with Eli Silverman. We've been doing it for four years and a half now. Something like that. It's quite bewildered.
Oh, I want to do it for a podcast. Just a silly little podcast to release every week. I can't do it because he likes a fucking prick. Oh, yeah.
Post-satch-a-fucking-can. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, just look at his stupid face. Well, I can't look at him.
He's a disgrace. That rhinocant. No, Paul is. Oh, we either can't do it.
No, this is exactly the same show. Fuck off. I hate you. I'm your fucking moodle, Pussy.
Is this the fact that you're going to have to learn the fucking except? Cheap Show. Cheap Show. Eli Silverman.
Welcome to Cheap Show. And a girl in her nozzle. That was a great intro to the... Do you want to use your ventilin?
No. I'm getting a wheeze here, Paul. I can't work with it. It's my chest infection.
I still have a little bit of a chest infection. That makes me, at times, a little flammie. I'm hoping it won't be as noticeable. What kind of a buzzer is that?
You can't get any else. I can't believe it's not. I tried to start off on a good footing today. You know, I was in good faith.
I set out on a good footing to make it clean-ordered. Nicely squared off round the edges. Kind of episode the show. OK, let's just go with that now.
Let me take control, OK? I'm not going to take any advice like that from you, who's a man who lives in a room like a bomb here to charity show. I'm giving it a scrub today. No.
It looks like the same old shit. Every day. There was more shit. No, it's more.
Was they walking space before? Because I can see the space. I actually put my feet down. That's good, isn't it?
Look at this. I'm making content for the initiative. What's that mean? It's a new park initiative, isn't it?
Do, do, do, do, do. What is your report? Clip, so twins report. It's my new.
It is trademarked source report, actually. Is it any source? Is this source related? Let it go.
If you can put it in. Yes, it is. It actually is. Don't say it's a lip-sauce report.
So, ladies and gentlemen, last week, we talked about a lip-sauce twin called Will Party. And it was one of the most awful things I've listened to. And in fact, it was so plain and talking about the incident. Oh, well, see, after every episode we record, I will take some of the final home that I need to record it.
Onto your... Crosby suitcase. Yeah, it does the job. It did the job.
It didn't, in this case, did it? Well, no, it didn't. Well, I'm not doing it. So, here's what happened.
The song's about three and a half minutes long, right? And so, I put the recorder in, press record, it's going, put the needle down, it goes on for about three minutes of the track, almost all of it. And they're like, pop it, I was like, oh, shit, it's gone. It's just jumped, it just jumped.
It just jumped a bit. And I looked at it, there was no scratch, it gave it a cleaner's best record, and then put it back on and started again. When you say it gave it a cleaner's best, you could. Yeah, I got a screw.
I used... I was a pro for a lot of it. I can say it. Go on, I was a pro for a lot of it.
I was a pro for a lot of it. I got some of that little squitty thing and I had glasses, cleaners. I got those and I wiped out with that. Oh, a microfiber.
Yeah, I think. Sorry. I wiped you down, put it on. And then, record, plus, I had to listen to it, and then, I was like, you're blessed.
I mean, I listened to everything you say. Right, literally, feet away from it. I saw your mouth go, yes. Yes.
What did you pledge? Anyway, I pressed. I got two minutes to 50 into the track, and then it did it again in a different place. It jumped, it was like, oh, for fuck's sake.
It was a shit-reco player as well, it is. Same problem again, put the record on, get to minute and a half into it, and then it jumps, and I'm like, this is three times in, four times it was the same thing within 30 seconds, and so I rage smashed the record. I just crossed your knee. I took it, and I just snapped it in the air.
Wow. That takes a bit of force to do. I was so angry. You're lucky to get shards in your eyes.
A lot of shards. They were shards. Yeah. It was shardage.
So, because of course, they, when they first started marketing, vinyl records, they were, advertised as unbreakable, weren't they? Because they were made of shark, and they were very breakable, which was one of the other ones. Yeah. When they had vinyl, they said it was unbreakable.
But it was breakable. I've been able to break it. It's like when they got those rulers, and say unpershatterable. Well, it doesn't shatter.
They just trend and deform. Yeah. They don't shatter, do they? No.
It's like a pre-gloss. That shatter. That does. But it contains it, doesn't it?
You get a matrix of glass. You get a matrix of shardage. It's not yours. It's only like, you broke it.
Someone pointed out to me on Twitter. That was your record player. No. Forget this.
I've actually got to anyway. Where's the sauce in this? Listen. That's what I...
Oh, right. No, it's sniffing the sauce. I'm sniffing the sauce. It's coming.
I get in a new restaurant and sitting there looking around and saying I'm saying there's a Tabasco. Maybe. Here's the part of the story that may interest you. Someone pointed out to me on Twitter that there is a brand new track from the Calypso Twins.
What? On YouTube? Brand new, as in this year. As in, it was released in July of 2019.
What the fuck? And so, I was like, what horror is this? It's an YouTube, and it is an instrumental track called Kitchen Calypso. And it's got...
It's the same as that track? No, it's got Will Party. No, but Kitchen Calypso's on the flip. No, because I smashed it.
No, no, no! It's back to the podcast you nunty. Oh so, maybe he did a couple of kitchen. It was called Kitchen Calypso.
I remember. You don't remember anything. No. Well, it adds to the story, doesn't it?
Because he's obviously just reworking. So, you know, mate, it's the same tune. It's not a new tune. What I found out by my power of recall here is that it's not a new tune, is it?
It's a remaking of an old. Of the flip side of whatever they were. Well, party. Well, party.
So this is the problem with that side. Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it? Twelve party on the flip, kitchen calypso. Yeah, thank you very much.
I watched the video and it is just Ainsley Harriet doing his rolling his eyes, acting wacky on a beach. They're acting this year. They're actually doing this this year. Yeah, and it's mate, because I thought it was just he's doing it.
No, no, it's mate, it was with him as well. And he's playing in the kitchen a little older. Yeah, he's going for a little bit older. Much older, very old.
So, on the beat, and I watched it. And then someone pointed out to me, that guy in the twin, that's the blonde guy. Yeah. He was in Morris Minor in the Majors.
Who also had members who did that Stutter app. Yeah, that's the song. So, that's the same guy. Yeah, Morris Minor in the mix.
So, he must have been the Go-Liz. Go-Liz comedy musician kind of guy. Oh, he's got to take a photo call, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, agent.
Hello. He's agent does not exist. Hi. Yes.
Yeah. He's leaving the room, ladies and gentlemen. He's speaking to his agent. As we speak, about a hot new opportunity.
Out of that go. Fine. Haven't got the role. She didn't say it, but they've obviously contacted her.
So, exciting news, ladies and gentlemen, cheap show. Just take this out. Why? It's a fascinating new people.
I don't know. I don't want to have to. Everyone wants to know that you're playing a dirty uncle in a kitchen sink drama called Naughty Uncle Touchy. As if that would be a real thing.
Naughty Uncle Touchy. No, no, no. We're having a fucking normal show with clean round the edges. Sorry, Paul Ganon and Naughty Uncle Touchy.
No, no. I am not naughty Uncle Touchy. What is he doing? I like what you're doing for him.
He's gaslighting me. Oh. It's a great voice. What are your best?
Oh, shout out. That's great. Where'd you get the character from? He wasn't doing really well.
You have to edit this shit now. LAUGHTER All right. So, yeah, that's it. I wanted to say, always, really annoyed me in the song.
Right? They have a bit in the video. Where is the source, though, Paul? Or in the video, it's basically excuse for him to be on the beach, making stuff on the kitchen.
Like, he's got a little kitchen, a little panel. And he's throwing sauce in. And he's going all the little bit of spice. And all he rolls his eyes and he goes a little bit more.
And all his little catchphrase is like, you're like my sauce. And let's put some sauce in. And there's all the catchphrase. I've got some sauce.
So what was the sauce connection? Rewind a bit. Did they put some Tabasco sauce in this? In what?
In the video? Yeah, he shakes it in. And it shakes it into what? He's got a little beach kitchen set up.
He's got a little house he does. He's got a little stove. He's got a little stove. As the music video, he's like dancing and cooking at the same time.
He says, in this video, typically Tabasco sauce. It's an advert for Tabasco. No, it's just cooking on the beach. He just says Tabasco sauce.
He doesn't. He did. He did. He did.
Tabasco sauce. Anyway, it's like a little splash of sauce. A fucking sauce. Jimmy Savile, wig on.
No, he doesn't. Why did he go hoo hoo hoo? Because he's like, Jimmy Savile. Oh my god.
Jimmy Savile. Oh, the Savile. In summary. Or.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. The area is Jimmy Savile. No.
And I'm auditioning for the role of Uncle Big Touch Up or something. No. Naughty Uncle Tuchy. I completely disavow and disown any connection with that.
What do you mean? With you, what you spew. You're the filth. The million spew.
Well, on today's show, load that one. No, you've murdered. You've murdered the water. You've murdered it all the bit awkward now.
I've murky the water. You've murky the water. I've murky the water. Lazy I'm on today's cheap show.
We are going to. What we've got coming up on the show, though? We have got a fantastic cheap eats, as curated by Uncle Gordon Tuchy. No.
Drop it, mate. I'm telling you, drop it. Yeah. Drop the Uncle Gordon Tuchy.
Why? Why? Why? We rinse ourselves to all the non-referencing.
Full on non-referencing. For no reason. I just mean he's a clap the maniac. Touchy.
What, he likes to touch things. No. No. He doesn't work for it.
No. He should be called naughty uncle Stilly. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. Come onwin Here we go. Now he's broken. Excellent.
Just rather, flame, throw and shake. She'll call, think. She'll be a good one. It's not going to be...
I'm not keepy's. It's going to be the fucking themes chief. Hang on. And then I'll be doing a price of should I?
Er, because I like doing it so much. I'm going to do another show co- hotel top And carways, I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait. He'll be some fucking order in the world.
There will be some good order. Four items, four prices, you've got to match. It's the price of shite on chief. We're broken we're broken.
We broken in break. Later on break. Oh the wind. The wind is outside.
It brings a calming air. Calming air fills the house of pickles. Two men, two men working, working hard, producing something. Paul?
Yes. Be a good chap and pass me over that box of shitty foods. I will sir. I'll tell the pastor of the book.
I'll tell you what, and then it's a constant being nice. You always have to fucking referential. Say hello sir. Yes sir.
I'm not sir. Eli sir. What's wrong? Let's not do this.
It's not good. You said keep it simple. I'm just going to do this in a pudingle. And then it's all this.
You'll get me the box up. Two men. Two men. I was good.
It was good until you said call me sir. Let's go to the table. Oh the wind blubber blinds. The house of pickles.
Two men. Two men. Two men working. They're producing something.
Yes. I say, pass me the box of shitty food. Well I'll pass you the box old boy. It's a big box.
Oh look at that. I've got a good box here. Yeah, he's got a firm box. I'm wrapping my fingers on my firm box with its straight edges.
It's all very nice and can't do better. But you'll see. But you'll see. Yeah.
Oh no. Oh you've unleashed. We've unleashed Paul's fucking two Ronies. He does one of the Ronies.
They did the big. Right. They ready. Oh, we've got different food segments on Cheatshow.
Like beans. Now I can do that. Stop doing penis. It's not cross over episode.
I'll put a link on the bottom of the episode. So everybody knows where it's gone from. Okay. Yeah.
Just be careful though. Yeah. All right. All right.
We do. I'm sorry. I've ruined this episode. My fault.
I'm trying to keep a little bit. You know, okay. We have lost our minds. Let's just take a minute.
Let's take a moment of composure. All right. Just breathe. Okay.
I find Paul. It's you. You've got the porn poker cards. Yeah, mate.
Hearts as a suit. Yeah. Terrible. Yeah.
No, it just happened here. I haven't been either just in the room. Paul. All of the stuff you bring me stays in the room.
Yeah. Here we go. You go. See him.
Oh, he's off. This is a proper shit show and he's back in the room for cheap eats, which is like brand off, brand off, brand off. That's another food one we didn't need to do one of those again. I miss that cheap pizza.
We had those recently. We've had some what did you call them? Consignments from America? Yeah.
A little gift care. Yes. But the main segment title that we use from days of your on cheap show. It's cheap.
It's just a poll. Simple. Simple. I've got my box here.
Yes. And I have several cheap items for us both to try and give a tentative score out of five looking forward to it. Okay. That's a big badminton today.
I've got some blowsticks for the live show. Can we eat them? Playing noodle. Yep.
Not relevant to this segment, but thank you for pointing it out. It's been separated from the box. But not killers. It's a magic box.
It's like if Mary Poppins are the mental breakdown. Look, there's this sort of plastic robot horns in blue and silver. Yeah. Oh, it's a birthday card.
Oh, it's a novel by Robert Bellano. Sorry. Right. Onto it.
Paul. It's the Laffy Taffy. It's the Laffy Taffy. It's the Laffy Taffy.
Oh, Laffy Taffy. You can't be Laffy Taffy. How's it go? Laffy Taffy.
Little like that. Laffy Taffy. Yeah. Or Laffy Taffy.
No, just keep going. You're putting more notes with them. We're in the real room. What's it go like?
The Laffy Taffy. The Laffy Taffy. The Laffy Taffy. Laffy Taffy.
Yeah. Laffy Taffy. Laffy Taffy. The original candy.
Which is, it's a famous old school candy brand from the States as far as I'm aware. Laffy Taffy. The Taffy is a Toffee. Yeah.
But what does it describe itself like? It must stay on the pack. Well, this is a flavoured one. Yeah.
So it's Laffy Taffy jokes on every rapper. Oh. Perhaps it was one of these jokes ones like the Zuka Joe Bum. Yes.
I think it's going to be a joke. Old schools. But it does say movie or Claffy Taffy. So maybe they're shorter usually or something?
No artificial flavours. Doesn't seem to have a description of what it is. But here maybe there is. There's ingredients made in the USA.
By Nestle. Oh, nice. Yeah. Laffy Taffy is registered.
That's a lock. I love it, Luke. Why did the Oh, is the joke? I'm going to present it like you would.
Why did the coordinate get kicked out of class? Why did the coordinate get kicked out of class? Why did the coordinate get kicked out of class? Why did the coordinate get kicked out of the class?
Because this is good. I like this. Because he was acting too obtuse. That would be an angle.
Why did the angle get kicked out? Okay. Yeah. Along the right lines.
Yeah. Because well, he was lines being the clue ball along the right lines. Because he was getting it. Why did the light to tune the class?
Almost there. Almost there. What does that word sound like? Latitude.
Yeah. What does that sound like? It was late to tune. What word sounds like latitude?
Plattitude. You might have a bad one. A bad attitude. Because he had the bad latitude.
Wow. He's got the joke there walking down the road making joke everywhere. It's just a chewy candy. Yeah, must be worthy for that joke.
I like the word is very red. It's like a dog's knob. It's like a dog's knob. It does look a bit like a very angry dog's knob.
See, oh, and it's a u-pool. I mean the dog's knob. What's a half like on it? Not much.
You actually kind of smells really fake like like Play-Doh almost. Right. We've got another one. Yeah.
There's a great one after that. Oh, I'm just going to, that's supposed to be pure gunk. It's extremely artificial flavour. Yeah.
Oh, it's very tart. What it is? You always say that. You've got this.
I'm allowed to use the same way you do. You're only use about three words to describe the taste of everything. I'm crumbly. You never say you marmy.
Crumbly, tart. Yeah. Or salty. Salty crumbly tart.
What's that one? You're great. Great. Right.
You get three of these for 99 cents. Nice. That's very cheap. And for the money.
It's all right. I bought these in the nim-nand-nam. All right. You want the joke on this one?
Yes, of course. I want to guess the joke. It's a great game. This is Paul Ganon guesses the point.
Oh, don't need to read it. And you guess. Yeah, that's better. Let's do that.
Wow. I'm having some trouble getting that. Laffy Taffy down my hand. Laffy Taffy.
Laffy Taffy. He's trying to swallow the Laffy Taffy. Right. Here's your punch line, Eli.
Have a don't the punch line. Oh, here's your set up. Here's your set up. Where should you never take dog shopping?
Eli, where should you never take dog shopping? I'm using. So have a thing. A Wolfhouse?
No. A bark. There's two jokes on this. Well, there must be one in as well.
A barking school. Whiskalant. Give me some clues, Paul. Think of maybe places we go in cheap show.
It's a pun, yes. The joke is a pun. Is it? Tell me that.
It's a pun. We go places. Charity shops. Yeah.
Come on. Now you've got to remember the opening crawl to teach you. Maybe that will tell you the answer. Oh, come on.
Time's on the clock. Bully hasn't come in yet. Bazaars. Dumble sales.
Oh, you better out of time. Let's go. I'm out of time. Eli's pressed this button.
What do you think is the answer? Can I have some more clues, please, Bob? No, come on. We're doing the opening.
Where do you mention the opening? Where I should take dog killing places. Like what? That's in our opening crawl.
What do we say? Right. I can get this. Come on.
Charity shops. Four years. I think of this. Charity shops.
Yeah. Dumble sales. Yeah. Bazaars.
Yeah. Discount stores. Yeah. Come on.
Come on. Pound lands. Yeah. Oh, but that's not it.
That's good. Pound land. Dog pound land. It's not what I've got down here, but it's a good guess.
Dog pounding up the bum land. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
Come on. You're missing one important one that you've got. Just tours. Think international.
Come on. Free market. There we go. Free market.
Yeah. Oh, I guess that's it. Every time you get in down. Jug street.
Everybody gets it. Who's that over there? Right. They love my jokes.
Now they pull now to win a thousand pounds. It was then Jug street for a thousand pounds. Like here's your final. Gag to guess on gag to guess.
I like it. Here's a new round of gag to guess. I think we've done that. Probably.
I think it was a show called Point lines. Wasn't there? Was there? We bought one cat as a coast and that's good.
That sounds like a big issue. That actually should check that out. Yeah. Very cry from terrible jugs.
Yeah. Well, they all are, aren't they? Well, it's a shit. Just a shit thing, aren't they?