That's it for the cheap show this week our Christmas special done in Duster. Flange, don't stay flange. It's a good episode and it's not related to Christmas. No, come on now.
Let's have a little recap of the characters that I've created this Christmas special year. This is Flange Hat McGee. There's Flange Hat McGee. There's McGerta McGerta.
There's lots of characters coming up, ladies and gentlemen. That was great. That was McGerta McGerta. There's also a Slap Hand Fanny.
Slap Hand Fanny. Which I think is actually your most offensive character to date despite the kind of cute name. How can it be offensive? We're not going to get into it.
You've already offended part of female population listening to this. We'll move on. You've got all the guests we've had on today. Some of the past, some of you will see them.
They don't even know, say flange. No, they didn't. Yes, they did. Most of them have left.
That's it. That's it. Merry Christmas everybody. www.www.dot.
I'm going to punch you with a knuckle duster. Take a hard. I've got a merry dick. Hello, I'm Dick.
Merry dick mess. I'm going to smash it. I'll spuff in your mouth while you're asleep. That's it.
I'll come down. That's what it will come down to. Dot.co.uk and a cheap show. Dot.
Dot.org. That's my organ. You know what? What's the point?
Merry Christmas everybody. I'm going to eat up for slash my organ. Big space. hyphen.
Yash. Gaaaaaash gah. Thash right. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
What about my Twitter handle? Eli Snoyd? Yes. Eli Snoyd could do it because you'd say the word flange.
Or something. Flange. This isn't all. Merry Christmas everybody.
Eli Snoyd, Eli at home. I'll go home and select his rugs. My Twitter. Eli Snoyd.
Which is my end. Thank you Paul. So I'll say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Bye bye everyone.
Bye bye. Bye bye. Fucking hell no. What's wrong with you now?
It's just it's worse every time just this time tired of it. What time of Christmas? Yeah, tired of life always sucks man. It's always every year fucking same with you.
Well it's always the same is it? Always sinewy turkey leg. And this year. Farti brussel sprouts.
Frankly disgusting mince pies. Fruit cake. Crispy overdone potatoes. Yeah.
Dry arse potatoes. And gravy that's about as weak as an old man's jizzom. I don't know who's you been sucking off that. I find that it gets quite gamey.
Aloe vera. What's it called? Aloe vera. Aloe vera.
Aloe vera. Aloe vera. That's what I say. I don't know who the back of the bank on it was face.
Aloe vera. Old man's sponk tastes of like. What's that old fashioned word for? Gouran fruit.
Dorean fruit. I bet it does actually. What you doing for Christmas this year? Then you're in the fall.
I've got to hold you. I'm fucking. You don't want to spend it with me and my cast of characters? Right.
In the house on the Harrow Hill? House on the Harrow Hill. House on the Hill. I don't want to.
Why don't you join me for Christmas? Come on, don't be miserable. You always go on about Christmas as full as shit. It is.
I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit there. So what? You're just going to stay in this room tonight, sleep, all the way through Christmas.
What else is there to do? Mate. Mate. It's going to be fucking wet.
And then the world's going to end. Did you buy me a present as well for Christmas? Yes. You haven't have yet?
No. Again. I'm going to leave you to it, mate. Tonight, I'm going to pack up.
That's it. I'm going to pack up all this shit. I'm going to have Christmas with Jimmy Biscuits. Tell Jimmy Biscuits he owes me 50 quid.
And Tinaette, he's coming over. Fuck off, Izzy. No, he's not. And Richard Randolph's going to be some kid.
No, he works. The Christmas period, he goes to Saudi Arabia. All the characters. And those private gigs.
And you're going to be here. Special private gigs. All on your own, mate. Special all on your own, mate.
Am I? Yeah, you're going to be on your own here. Christmas. Unless.
Oh, here's a thought. What? What if in the middle of the night say, to change your dark attitude to Christmas? No, I imagine you were visited by three ghosts.
And each ghost was designed to make you evaluate your life. And perhaps place some games. And place some cheap stuff. Maybe what happens tonight is three ghosts help.
You change your mind. I believe in the supernatural. Well, mate, don't you worry. I do not believe in the supernatural.
A belief or non-belief that was completely enforced by our sham ghost hunting episode. Well, all I'm saying is tonight, maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe tonight. Barry, is Barry going to come see me?
Barry, Barry, he's Barry. Move the food. Move the food. Right.
Sorry. Sorry. I'm just going to say, mate. Wouldn't it be interesting if three ghosts came tonight?
It would be. I don't believe it will happen. Well, let's see. I'm going to pack up a stuff and go home.
OK. Who knows what will happen over the course of this evening? Mr. St.
I'm going to eat a kababby bed and then wank into the year's container. Merry Christmas, Ian. Merry Christmas, Ian. I'll see you next year.
All right, mate. This is fucking shit. Thank God he's gone. Oh, fucking.
I can't. I'll get out of bed now. Mm. Ah.
Nice. I don't have to think about Christmas. It's Christmas. It's shit anyway, isn't it?
I'm in bed now. Smells in here. At least I can see the pickle there. I've got pickle sight.
I can watch pickle. Wonder what? What? Hello?
Eli. I thought you'd gone poor what? Eli. What?
You asleep. How did you get in? I got a creep in. Go to sleep.
Go to sleep. What are you doing? I'm coming in. I'm coming in.
I'm coming in. Hello. What are you doing, man? Oh, why aren't you asleep, little boy?
Oh, oh. You're not going to be visited by three ghosts if you're not asleep. Oh, what's that? Oh, take your seat off.
Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Sleep, be time. Sleep, be time.
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, fuck.
What? Oh, fuck. Oh, fucking time up. What's going on?
Wakey, wakey, miss the silver. Oh, what? No, I'm not. I'm not Paul.
I'm the ghost of Christmas past. Oh, you've done to my room. Oh, this is not your room. Oh, fuck it.
No, this is 1980s. Oh, is that why they're there? I've taken you back to 1980s. Oh, there's a toyer.
A toyer up. Oh, I've put toyer up. And Tiffany. Oh, yeah.
I've put Tiffany. And, uh, fuzz box. What's he called? A fuzz box.
What's that guy called? Rick Asley. No. Tim and Trent Arby.
Look, there's Diddy Bopas. Look, there's a Rube. It's a Rube. It's a Rube.
It's like a Rube. It's a Rube. It's like a Rube. It's like a Rube.
It's a Rube. It's a Rube. It's a Rube. Now, they came out much later.
They came out much later. The 1980s. It's not your room. It's the 1980s.
It's a Transformers. Oh. It's a cat. I'm the ghost of Christmas past Mr.
Silverman. And I've been asked. Oh, I'm not timing. I'm timing.
I'm timing. Right now. I can kinda see me bum but not really. I fucking can't see it.
No, do you know? I can show you my front one. No, it's fine. I make sticky wishes come true.
Oh, have a ghost. No, you're not. Have a ghost and I'm here to teach you the value of the past. Oh, fuck.
No. Just fucking go with it mate. I'm doing this to teach you a lesson. I'm gonna go through the whole rigmarole and you're gonna fucking sit there and take it.
Alright? What do I have to do? I'll undo my hands. Oh, and it doesn't matter, your arms all crap up anyway so you can't do much lifting.
Ha ha ha ha ha. So, I'm gonna take you back to the past Mr. Silverman. We're gonna play a Christmas-y price of shite and I'm gonna show you some pity.
I know what to. I want you to untimey right now and fucking take all this crap out of my fucking room. No. This is happening.
Go with it. I'll do the voice again. Don't do the voice. Oh, oh, so you can even work with this.
That's that voice off that cartoon show. You can even work with this. Is that what you're gonna have this voice? What is that from?
What is that fucking one voice you fucking do? It's the starts from Vicken Bob. Thank you. It's a little explosion.
Fuck off you. So, do you want this voice? I'll throw out this bit. Do you want this voice?
Yeah. A normal voice you can't. I invite you to some other guests from Cheek Show to help you become inspired. Remember the Christmas of the past and the joy they brought, the toys and games from the past.
I'm gonna bring that to you today. What's this? Who's this? Let me in first.
Oh, who's this? Mr. Silverman. Mr.
Brantoff. Not talking to Silverman, Mr. Brantoff. Oh, it's me, Richard Brantoff.
Yes, it is. Do you want to invite him in for Christmas? Come in. I don't want him to see me like this.
He's gonna come in. Come in. Brant, Brant, Brant, Brantoff. Hello.
Hello. Richard Brantoff. Now you're here to represent the 80s. I used to slap women around.
God. You're allowed to then. If you're rich. Well, yeah.
I mean, some people say they can still do it today. Well, if you're rich enough, but I'm not rich enough anymore. You're not rich enough. This is a revelation, isn't it?
Yes, I had all sorts of stuff going on in the 80s. Yeah. Trains. Yeah.
Trains. Did you have a series of hotels? Oh, yes. Yes.
Brantoff. Brantoff hotels. Yes. Brantoff was a worldwide chain and it meant quality and entrepreneurial spirits.
What about all those fives that happen to the people who died in the three of the five? Oh, come on. They deserve the most of the women. Right.
Right. Brantoff, I want you to sit at the side. I like the way you dress today, by the way. You dress very good and gecko from Wall Street.
Oh, yeah. You know, that was a greed is good. Yeah. I don't modify that.
What would you say? Greed and being a total sexist. Okay. All right.
Okay. Good. Good. Good.
Good. You just sit there. I like to slip back here in the cupboard. Where is she?
Oh, I'm over here. You missed the brand off. You got to four o'clock appointments. You're a dancer.
You're a dancer. You're a dancer. Yeah. Give yourself a snap on the bum.
We'll be back on this week too. I hope you're counting along at home. Brantoff. All right, then.
I'll go. I'll re-box that. Also whatever your fucking name is. Fire yourself.
Carol. Fire yourself. Carol, you're fired. You can't do this to me a minute for years.
I know what your time is over now. But that's crazy. That's a good take you to try but you don't. Or the stuff I saw.
Or the stuff he did. I'll say it all out of call to date. That's like what you could go to yourself. Carol, stop talking to yourself.
I'll just fire yourself. Security. No, I'll call security. I'm Carol.
But you've been fired. I don't smoke security. You can't do it. You can't do it.
Good. Good. Carol's. Can you both calm down please?
I've got a price for Shite to do. All right. Ruff, Ruff, Ruff. Good.
Eli. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Me and Santa have been talking. And we got some 18s. So that's Richard Brandoff. No, I know.
We've been talking to the special Santa rights on the Volkswagen's ads. And I've been talking to him. Oh. He did seats.
Now we're talking or something. Whatever it was. You're the face of Volkswagen for Christmas. Oh, wow.
Utterly deplorable. Is it? No. You did.
No, you're one. I'm a Christian scandal. I've had several omissions emergencies. Especially around salad bowls.
Right. Anyway. Chris, you come on your salary. Oh, I'm glad.
Yeah, yay. Jelly on your salary? Jelly sale. Jelly sale.
That's how you call it. I thought you make it trendy Christmas. This Christmas, by Jelly sayl, it's spot for the salary. In bite-size capsules.
This one. Yes. Oh, yes. This is a marketing power.
All we're doing here. No, no, no. This is just banter. We're not going to follow through with this.
Well, what am I here for? I'm trying for an Illuminati orgy thing. You got the Mason's at seven. Ah, thank you.
Yeah, the Mason's at seven. No, he's still fired. He's still fired. Ah, shit.
Right, so I've got you three gifts from the 80s. Price of shot, you'll get to look at them. I'd like it to be free from this fucking... Yeah, I'll untie one arm.
This is it. You can invest it. Well, everything between us is over now. Why?
Because you've tied me up. This is important lesson. At the end of this, you'll hopefully have a better idea of Christmas and what it means to be Christmas. All right.
Do you know what it means to be Christmas? You don't know what it means to be Christmas. It's up when I'm already injured. Are you ready for your first item?
What's Richard Brad off doing? Shut up, calm down with him. It's got to get through this, he likes it. So here we go.
Are you ready? Yeah, are you ready? Here's your first item. All right.
A bit of a cheapness one, but she reminds you of the 80s. What is this? Oh. What is this?
This is an Atari. Yeah. Handheld. Now, it's based on the 2600 model released in the late 70s.
So the kind of Atari most people probably would have owned at the period. Really? Yeah. It was the biggest set.
It was the big one before the crash. It was like the big arcade. The big home computer. Ah.
And Atari just exists as a sort of... Well, it's kind of like a brand. Yeah. It's like a brand name.
And by someone else. A shell of itself. Right. So like you slap it on t-shirts, you slap it on fucking dodgy handles.
Yeah, someone must sort of... They must be an Atari company. Yeah. There it is still.
Yeah, there it is. But it's like, as I say, if I think it's more like a show more than a brand do anything. But they must have made this. No, they put their name on it.
So this company, Blake, he's came to them. When can we make a handheld that looks a bit like an Atari 2600? It's got a wood finish. It's got a mock wood finish and black and orange paddles.
And also the... Looks like the speakers sort of background to the screen. It's got that grill thing going on. So they go for about online.
About 20 quid. But it's definitely not what I paid for that. It was a charity shop. It was a charity shop find this one.
And it was a cheap considering. And yeah, you can put a memory card in it as well. At low gains. Does it come pre-loaded?
Yeah, you can turn it on. But it comes pre-loaded with a bunch of classic Atari 2600 cards. They're not that hard. No.
No. There are one or two that are slightly interesting. They've got the trilogy of games, the seed quests and dungeon quests or whatever it was. The idea...
There's a load of YouTube videos. Those are the ones that are in Ready Player One. No. But it's funny enough, very similar.
If you played the game and solved it, there was a chance that you could win a real prize. It was like a golden crown and a septo and an amulet or something. And so they were meant to win out three games. And then the winner would win this big cash prize.
But it didn't get that far. But they are on this system. And they're not that interesting. Also, you can only the box as well as to know how to solve the clues because it came with a manual.
It had like code in and a dungeon dragon style. And you didn't have that. So it's a bit weird going on this. But you see what you're playing with?
What games are on there? No, it's not really good. It's got asteroids. That's all right.
Yes, asteroids, bowling, breakout. Does it have a laxion? Cos you know centipedes. I like centipedes.
Is that the one that's coming down? Yeah, yeah. It's like space invaders, but with a centipedes. Gravatar haunted house is quite a well-known game.
It's where you play a pair of floating eyes and haunted house in the dark and you've got a navigating maze. What was that game, Paul? What's the difference between centipedes and millipedes? Puffin.
How many legs there? Maybe it's just difficulty level. Paul, what was that game that a designer of the disastrous ET game? Yeah.
Day before? Something of GAN GAN? Oh, Galaxion? That's a little bit more than Earthworld than the trilogy games where you could win these things.
Yours revenge. That's all he did. That's all he did. That's all he did.
That's all he did. That's all he did. It's a bit... I had a little go there.
I couldn't quite work it out, but again, maybe I needed a man. That was gonna be a classic of his... It's like shoot a void until you break the wall down, then then you do your expose. 81.
Yeah. And when was E2 release? E2 release. E3?
E1 was the film. So it was about the same year, because they were shooting out with a whole problem with the release of that game. Wow. That's quite cool.
All the noises. I died. Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go get the energy battery.
I'm gonna go get the energy battery. Get for the energy battery up. Oh, you're enjoying this little boy. You're managing you have Christmas past in the 80s growing up.
Remember the joy we had playing the simple games of our past little boy? Oh, remember that little boy? Oh, they're chasing you. They're chasing you.
Oh, they're chasing you. Whoa. It just threw a fucking massive thing. Yeah, it threw a massive thing actually.
It's a massive twirling thing. It's exciting, isn't it? They're hunting me down. Oh, that's your arse revenge.
Oh, got me. Oh, got you. Oh, did you remember? Remind you of the days gone by in video games.
It's nostalgia thing. It's nostalgia thing. I don't remember any of the games. Kids would buy that and go, oh, really?
They'd like it because the games are so basic. It's also sometimes you take a lot of decoding. It's like you look at a game like Indiana Jones, where you'll start. Yeah.
And it's like, you have to have a guy to get through that because you pick up the whip and use that to get the candle, but the candle's not like a candle on the screen. The whip is just a little dot. That's a point. It needs a lot of explanation because the graphics weren't able to convey enough information just in themselves.
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. But, you know, it looks nice. The buttons aren't great.
It doesn't look nice. It's a lot of decent build quality to it. Yeah. What a blade is known for.
Making these kind of things, retro gaming, mini handhelds. So, did they done like the Nintendo mini? No, they didn't tend to do all that in-house. They are very, very particular about who does stuff like that.
Right. Atari. Atari. So, here's your first item, Mr.
Silverman. Oh, it's no secret. Atari. Here you go.
Right. You have anything in the next one? You're next to Mr. President from Santa from the 80s.
Yes. Here we go. Close your eyes. I'm going to put it in your hand.
Okay. Imagine waking up to this Christmas morning. Wake Up. Oh.
It's a compact cassette recorder. Of course, yeah. It's also, you can speak into it. It's got a little grill so you can talk it through.
It's like a dictified. It takes a normal size cassette or a standard cassette. Yeah. Now, I went on eBay recently to look for that model.
And then go between 20 and 40 pounds. Really? I don't think the ones that are priced at 40 go for 40. But I do think the ones that go for 20 go for 20.
This has got good knick, isn't it? It's got the box and the instructions. And the instructions. Talking to the mic a bit.
It's instructions there. Yeah. But when it works, it'll walk in. Of course it would.
I mean, the only real worry is that because I haven't tested it yet because I literally just got it. It's built in speaker as well. Yeah. Must have headphones out as well.
Yeah, yeah. My good headphones out now. So, right. Check it all out.
Right. But I don't know if there's like, you know, like you see those tech videos and like the belts got all melted. It might be like that. So I haven't tested it yet.
I don't know. The end put batteries in yet. No. Double A's they take.
I think I've got some of those. Yeah. Yeah. Over there in the box.
Grab a look. Oh, I've lost over here. In this box over here. In that box, yeah.
Oh, it's lucky. It's not murky. Give it past me the box. You found it.
Right there. You fucking cunt. Let's see in this tape recorder. Right.
Stick the batteries in. Works. Get that little fabric out. Remember that.
So you could pull out the batteries. Oh, that's a nice isn't it. So this is one of the 80s, isn't it? Yeah.
It could wear a melted lid. Maybe not. I didn't do the research. Look at that guy.
Maybe it'll tell me in the guy. Why you load the batteries in. Doesn't matter. The numbers aren't in different languages.
The numbers aren't in different languages. No, they're not in different languages. Sorry. Why hand tied up.
Oh, clever prick. Get it out of here. Let's have a look. Which way round do they go?
Well, I'm going to note this fucking massive instruction manual that opens up like an Atlas. Jesus. It's like a map, isn't it? Yeah, Jesus.
It's maintenance. To ensure continued high performance with your unit, clean the head. Pinch roller. And cap stand.
Periodically swab with a cotton bud. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Moisten head.
Moisten head. Moisten head. You stick the swab down in me. Yeah.