Ep 16 | Is It Your Way or the Highway? How to Relinquish Control and Lead God's Way

SHOW NOTES   Episode Overview Have you ever found yourself redoing someone else's work because it just wasn't done your way? Or maybe you're the leader who needs to be copied on every email, approve every decision, and stay five steps ahead of everything — just to feel okay? We need to talk. In this episode, we're getting honest about one of the most common — and most unexamined — patterns in leadership: the need to control. We're pulling back the curtain on where it really comes from, what it costs us and the people we lead, and how God is inviting us into something so much better than white-knuckling our way through. Anchor Scripture "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life… But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV) What We Cover in This Episode The root of control — Spoiler: it's not strength. At its core, controlling behavior is fear and anxiety dressed up in a power suit. We mask it as confidence or "knowing what we want," but underneath, something else is driving the bus. We break down three root causes: fear of exposure, anxiety management, and a deep trust deficit.  Control as a coping mechanism — For many of us, the need to control everything around us didn't start at work. It started much earlier. Control creates predictability when life has been unpredictable. It gives us a sense of power when we've felt powerless. Understanding this doesn't excuse it — but it does open the door to healing. How to know if you're a controlling leader — We walk through the key signs: difficulty delegating, constant monitoring, caring more about your process than the actual results, a team that can't make a move without your approval, and low morale that nobody seems to be able to explain. Do you trust God with your job? — This might be the question that stops you in your tracks. We get vulnerable about what it looks like when things get hard and we start running — and what God might actually be doing in the pressure instead. Scriptures Referenced Matthew 6:25-34 — Do Not Worry (anchor scripture) Romans 8:6 (NLT) — "Letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." Proverbs 21:1 — God directs the steps of leaders Key Takeaways Control is not a leadership style — it's a fear response. You can be in charge without being in control. Those are two very different things. If you're controlling at work, it's showing up at home too. It's worth asking God to reveal every area where this pattern lives. Healing is not optional for leaders — it's the work. Not perfection. Wholeness. God has not forgotten you, your team, your ministry, or your future. Rest in that. Reflection Questions Where in my leadership am I trying to control outcomes that belong to God? Is there a hard season I've been running from instead of leaning into? Who on my team have I not trusted enough — and what would it look like to change that? What coping mechanisms did I develop long before I ever had a leadership title? Connect With Us Have a question or want to share how this episode spoke to you? We'd love to hear from you. Reach out at [email protected] and follow us on social media for more encouragement for the whole leader @AudreyTShelby