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Thanks for tuning in to the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your international certified life coach, T. Audra Taylor. The sole purpose of this podcast is to get you from where you are now to where you want to be.
Yes, it's time to break chains and to get unstuck. Thanks again for joining in. Let's begin. Hello, hello, hello.
Thank you all for joining in yet again, another week of the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your host. I go by the name of Coach T. Listen, if you are joining in for the first time, this particular episode this week is a two-part series.
I am talking about codependency. Last week I started off by talking about the signs that show that you could potentially be codependent. This week I kind of want to talk about how to break that cycle, how to break that mental frame of mind of just being codependent, and constantly exhibiting codependency type of behavior. That being said, if you did not listen to last week's episode, I would ask that you go back.
The episode is short and sweet. You guys know I like to keep these episodes short and sweet because I know life is crazy and not all of us have hours out of our day to listen to a podcast. I find it easier to make my point in a brief amount of time. That being said, check that episode out if you haven't already.
If you are keeping up right along with my weekly podcast, then you already know that this week we're still talking about codependency. Again, I want to talk about breaking the toxic codependent, excuse me, behavior because I do believe that there's areas of codependency that may be concerning but it's not toxic. So I thought it was important for me to talk about toxic codependent behavior. Okay, again, last week I showed you, I detailed all of the signs.
I think I gave about 10 of them on signs to look for when you're trying to figure out whether or not you're codependent. And this week, if you have determined that you are in fact codependent, this episode is for you. So let's talk about how you can break that codependent behavior. One of the biggest strongholds and a person who exhibits codependent behavior is their lack of focus on oneself.
In order to really combat this personality disorder, codependency is said to be a personality disorder, right? So in order to come back, you would have to look at things in the reverse, meaning all of your focus has always been on somebody else as the codependent. The only way to truly break the cycle and the mindset is to focus more on yourself than you do on anyone else. This guys that may even include family, friends, and loved ones.
And I know it's hard, especially for mothers, to take back that control. But the truth is, if you're not good, the kids aren't good. So it's important to focus more on yourself because those personality traits that you exhibit in front of the kids remember, they don't listen to what we say they watch what we do. And being a mother of two adult kids ages 20 and 25, I'm a firm believer, especially looking back over their lives, I realize that they actually can grow up to mirror a lot of our traits, whether good or bad.
So you want to understand that it is important for you to focus on yourself and your well-being in order to be a better parent, okay? You need to focus on what your needs are. The codependent person is so focused on everybody else. You're pouring into everyone else's cup.
Half of the time, you don't even know what your needs are because they've been put to the back burner for so long. Identify what your needs are. Identify what it is that you want. You've been focusing long enough on what everybody else wants.
It's time to focus on what you want. Another point that I want to make when it comes to breaking that toxic codependent behavior is learning how to help others, but create a balance so that it doesn't leave you depleted. Now, if you're anything like me, right? I've dealt with codependency, okay?
If you're anything like me, you love to help. So many codependents, the first thing we'll say is, oh, well, I actually love to help. It begins to be toxic, however, when you helping others start to deplete you. Going back to my original statement about pouring into other people's cup and then tell yours is rant, empty, and dry.
You're constantly helping other people. Somebody's calling you in the middle of night. You know you want to get up. You know you got to work in the morning.
You know that there's other things you should be focusing on at that point time, probably for most of us sleep, right? But a codependent will feel almost a strong obligation to do things that they actually don't want to do. Things that are actually an inconvenience to them, but they'll incandient themselves in order to help other people. And I'm not saying, you know, never help.
What I'm saying is, if it depletes you, that may be a sign that you need to choose you first before you can help anyone else. Another way to break codependent behaviors, learning how to say no without guilt. The codependent constantly feels guilty when they say no. And that guilt sometimes will eat you up so bad that you eventually say yes, because you're so accustomed to just doing what people want you to do and pleasing everybody that know is like foreign to you.
Sometimes you have to take small steps, but it's important to learn how to say no without guilt. Another point that I want to make when it comes to breaking that codependent behavior is really learning to love people from afar. The codependent often holds on to people past their expiration date. They hold on to people.
They sacrifice their happiness and they do it all for the sake of love. You love this person. So you sacrifice your peace. You sacrifice your pocket.
You sacrifice your mental wellbeing. Well, here's the key catcher. Here's the catch. You can still love people and not let them in your immediate space.
You can still love people and not be active, especially overly active person in their lives. When you're talking about breaking codependent behavior, sometimes you got to love certain people from afar because certain people are only there to take. And although you love them, you've been codependent so long that you've developed anterrage, a people that take. So normally when you're going through the season of breaking codependent behavior, you really have to reevaluate the people in your circle, right?
Because they're so used to you being the one that sacrifices at all. You're going to lose some people when you learn how to say no. And those are the times where you have to be prepared and ready to love them from afar. Another tip that I think you can find great benefit in setting is the setting of boundaries, right?
And actually sticking to them. Many people have boundaries, right? But many people don't stick to them. That's just the truth.
Maybe you can start off small as I stated before because codependent behavior is not developed overnight. Therefore, it is not eradicated overnight. However, you can start small by setting boundaries with people and actually forcing them to stick to it. You can be ready and willing to do whatever it is that you need to do to ensure that your boundaries are not crossed.
Last but definitely not least, okay? This point that I want to make is extremely important because this is the driving force behind a lot of codependent behavior. And that is releasing your attachment to the outcome. Many codependents believe that it takes them to sacrifice themselves for a particular outcome to come about.
So if you don't continue helping this person, then whatever negative outcome comes about in their life, it's your responsibility. So the codependent is often motivated almost by that guilt that comes that says, okay, well, if you're not there to help this person, how will they make it? What will be the outcome? But when we're talking about breaking codependent behavior, we're talking about releasing that attachment because the truth is you don't ultimately control anyone's outcome.
That's God for one and for two. If the outcome involves you not being true to who you are, not doing the things that make you happy, not being inconvenienced and taking advantage in use, if the outcome involves that much of a sacrifice to you, you absolutely have to consider the fact that whatever the outcome is, it should not affect you. This is why you have to remove that attachment to the outcome. Codependency is really all about how you interact with other people, how they're able to interact with you.
This is known to deal with codependents because codependents often sacrifice everything for love. They attach themselves to the outcomes of other people's lives as if they have full control. So those are the points that I wanted to make on the topic this week. Be sure to log onto my website, the RWC Podcast to check out all of my podcast episodes.
I tell you, I think I'm like, I don't know, hundreds and hundreds of freaking, maybe not 200, but I'm getting there. I have over 100 podcast episodes that you guys can tune in to be sure to check them out on that website, the RWC Podcast.com. That being said, let's close out and pray our Father God. I thank you for allowing us to come together yet again another day, yet again another week Father God.
I pray that you break the spirit of codependency and the folks lives where it's toxic, where they're being drained, where they're being used because of that codependent behavior that they exhibit. Someone has met them and taken full advantage of Father God. We break that chain in the name of Jesus. We love you.
We praise you. We glorify your holy name and the name of Jesus Christ. We pray. Amen.
Until next week, I love y'all. Bye.