Thanks for tuning in to the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your international certified life coach, T. Audra Taylor. The sole purpose of this podcast is to get you from where you are now to where you want to be.
Yes, it's time to break chains and to get unstuck. Thanks again for joining in. Let's begin. Hello, hello, hello.
Thank you all for joining me for yet again another week of the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your host of you are joining in for the first time. I am a certified life coach. I go by the name of coach T.
Now, listen, if you guys follow me on TikTok, you guys may have seen a little, I don't know, minute and a half segment that I did talking about being addicted to pain. It was a segue leading into this week's podcast and kind of to redirect you to this podcast so that I could go in depth when it comes to being addicted to pain. I think I've lived it and it sounds crazy. It sounds like we would never sign up to be addicted to pain, but you would be surprised how strong of trauma bonds that many of us may have.
Maybe from childhood, maybe from previous relationships, but these trauma bonds really form unhealthy addictions. So that's what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about being addicted to pain and maybe this may apply to you and maybe you may just need to let it fly. But for those of you who it does apply to, I pray that this podcast episode although very short, but it's sweet.
I try to get to the point on these episodes. I don't like to hold you all up long, but I wanted to dive in to this addiction that many folks have with pain. I coach of course. So a lot of times I've had clients throughout the years that may get out of one toxic relationship and end up in another one.
They may get away from this narcissist where they deem to be evil and so bad, but they end up with another narcissist. So it's basically the same person with a different name and a different face. They are replaying this trauma over and over again. And see, this is why the trauma bond is important to not only recognize but eradicate because if we don't deal with the trauma bond, the issue that we were maybe taught that love involves pain, whatever that trauma is for you.
Okay, without properly dealing with that, we recreate it throughout our lives. See, you know that anything that comes to you and it's causing you pain and it's causing you anxiety and you're constantly feeling unstable, but yet you can't let it go. This is deeper than just loving someone. Because let's be honest, love should not involve, if we're going off of biblical principles, right?
Love should not involve constant pain, but yet and still you find yourself hooked, okay, to this pain and you think you're hooked to the person, but really you're running back for the pain. And yes, yes, yes, I'm sure that many of you guys would say, oh no, I would never sign up. I'm not going back because I think that he may change. No, part of that is because he or she, of course, part of that is because you are addicted.
His highs and lows become an addiction so much so that a normal relationship doesn't even feel right. A normal healthy relationship doesn't feel right to you. You're addicted to being hurt. You're accustomed to being disappointed.
This is your norm. Maybe you've been dealing with it since childhood. I know with my story trauma played a part in my childhood. So quite naturally, not knowing I was recreating that in adulthood and it wasn't until I actually can recognize it and say, you know what, love should be separate from pain.
In my video and TikTok, I talked about many times how the toxic person will measure how much pain will, excuse me, will measure your love by how much pain you're willing to endure. Oh, they proclaimed that you love them so much because you forgave them and you took them back and you kept forgiving. And here this toxic person is literally gaslighting you to believe that you're just this wonderful person because you're constantly forgiving a person who constantly shows themselves to be toxic and harmful in your life. It's somehow that praise makes you feel good.
That pain is now normal. That pain is either normal or you've minimized the acts, the toxic acts, the cheating, the disrespect. You've minimized it so much so that now it is normal to you or it's not that big of a deal. Whereas in a healthy relationship, a man or woman stepping outside of their relationship may be grounds for termination, right?
But once you've been convinced that your forgiveness somehow shows how much you love this person and they're going to definitely appreciate it now because I forgave them. Remember that in order to do that, sometimes we memorize, not everyone, but some of us minimize what happened. Maybe he put his hands on you. Maybe she put her hands on you and you minimize it and just brushed off all.
It was a bad day. Oh, she's just crazy. Pain is not normal. And it's time we stop making, you know, allowing people to make you feel that you have to deal with it, this pain that they're bringing in order to love them.
That is not normal. You've got to come to grips with that addiction. The fact that you keep running back to a place that harms you every time. And many times we don't realize that we're actually adults recreating pain from our childhood.
Whether you had absent father, absent mother, maybe you have both parents and you just felt invisible in the household. Maybe you watched your parents fight, yet stay together, but fight endlessly. And now your version of love has been misconstrued. Now you believe that love must involve some sort of pain.
And now you begin to recreate that trauma and your relationships. This is why you run back to toxic situations. Often we think it's over, it's because of love. No, it's a trauma bond.
It's a soul attachment. And please don't get soul made and soul attachment confused. You've created a soul bond. You've created a trauma bond.
And you can't understand why you keep putting yourself on this platform to be knocked off and hurt every time. If you can look over your life, right, and your relationships and you see that they all end in similar ways, everyone seems to bring you pain. I'm here to tell you as a transparent club coach that that issue is now, is now one that you're bringing upon yourself. That's what's happening.
That issue is one that you're bringing upon yourself. That's it. That is it. If all your relationships are looking the same, it's time to realize that it may not be them.
It's you. And it's the unresolved issues that you have that keeps bringing you back to that trauma that you say you hate, but yet you keep signing up for it. Your love should not be measured by how much pain you can take, dear. Your love should not be measured by that.
Listen, guys, I'm not going to hold you up. I know someone out there needs to hear this message. I know it. It's time to break those chains.
They're holding you and tying you up and keeping you in dead places where you can't grow, where you don't feel loved and you don't feel appreciated. It's time to break them. That is all I have for you guys for this week. As you guys always know, I keep these things short and sweet and to the point, I have a very busy life, but I make sure for the most part that I get here and just motivate you, even if it's for 10 to 15 minutes each and every week.
That being said, let's close out and pray your father God. I thank you for allowing us to come together yet again, another week God. We love you. We praise you and we thank you for our highs and our lows because we understand our lows are just there to make us stronger and to build us up as people.
Continue to strengthen us. Help us to break unhealthy trauma bonds with people. We love you, Lord. We praise you.
We glorify your holy name and the name of Jesus Christ. We pray. Amen. Until next week, I love y'all.
Bye.