EP 162: Dr. Alison Cook on the Secure Soul and Self-Leadership

No matter how much we’d like it to be true, we can’t think our way into changing.We have so much information, language, and so many tools to help us understand what makes us tick right at our fingertips. And who doesn’t love a quiz, a personality test, a self-help book, or (ahem) a podcast that helps us make sense of ourselves and others in our personal and professional lives?Whether it’s Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, your Enneagram, or your astrological chart, you probably have years’ worth of exposure to various categories, frameworks, and language to call on. And yet, you still feel like a stranger to yourself in the moments that matter most.Because we can’t intellectualize our way through change. We have to feel it. We have to do it.This is where trauma-informed leadership work actually lives, not in collecting more language for what's wrong with you or others, but in helping you recognize the echoes of your own story that are still running the show, and developing the skills to help you take action and choose differently.Today’s guest has spent her career studying people, the soul, and how we relate to ourselves and others. But in writing her most recent book, she found she had to dig deeper into her own story and start to really live the work herself. And when she started living things differently, she realized there was no looking back.Dr. Alison Cook is a therapist, psychologist of religion, bestselling author, and host of the top-ranked The Best of You podcast. Widely recognized for her ability to bridge faith and psychology in a way that is both deeply practical and spiritually alive, Dr. Alison has spent over two decades helping people move from feeling disconnected to feeling secure, grounded, and loved. Her books, including Boundaries for Your Soul and The Best of You, have sold over 150,000 copies. She and her husband, Joe, are the parents of two adult children and call the mountains of Wyoming home.Listen to the full episode to hear: How Alison navigated the personal and professional anxieties raised as she brought her own story into her new bookWhy revisiting her adolescence was a deeply vulnerable but necessary piece of learning to notice her inner bids for connectionHow minimizing our everyday wounds impacts us individually and as a cultureWhy doing the inner work of witnessing yourself is part of getting your needs met in the outside worldWhy self-awareness and conscious choice matter when it comes to engaging our controllers and escape hatchesHow developing trust in her fundamental belovedness gives Alison the security to be accountable to the people in her lifeLearn more about Dr. Alison Cook:WebsiteThe Best of You PodcastInstagram: @dralisoncookFacebook: @dralisoncookThe Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn't Come EasyLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:FootlooseIrvin D. YalomDopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence, Anna Lembke MDInto the Quiet: Following Jesus in a World of Noise, John Mark ComerTaylor Swift - The Fate of OpheliaPretty in PinkChapters:(00:43) - Introduction (09:46) - Belonging to Our Story (15:53) - Anticipating the Costs (19:28) - Rage Journaling and Attachment Wounds (30:01) - Inner Work and Right Sized Needs (34:22) - Controller Parts Explained (40:22) - Recognize, Return, and Divine Love (43:58) - Leadership Without Othering (48:46) - Inner Life Shapes Leadership (51:25) - Rapid Fire Questions (55:30) - Where to Connect (56:14) - Closing Thoughts