Alright, here we go. Three, two, one. Oh fuck, I totally didn't clap then. Now I noticed.
I thought you were screaming frozen. Just lads over, I see your face over there. Sorry. Shodl.
Ready? Easy part of the show. Alright. Ready?
Yes. I want to see your hands. Alright, here we go. Yeah.
Three, two, one. Hello, everybody. You know what? I was going to...
Go on, you start. I'll let you start. What are you going to do? No, go on.
Hello, everybody. You like Silverman here. Welcome back to another episode of Cheap Show with myself and Paul Gannon. Paul.
Hello, everyone. My am Paul Gannon. I'm not feeling it this week. You're not feeling it ever.
You never feel anything. We're going to have to work hard with Mr Silverman. You're like a brain in a vat. I was going to stop by having a rant.
Okay, go on. I can do that. Because you can read to me. Come on, you call me a cunt.
Call me a cunt a bit. Just to get the fire going. No, it's not a bad. No, it's not a bad.
No, it's not a bad. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt. Fuck you.
I'm going to have to energy. No, I was going to complain about people who post pictures of dogs on Instagram. Why? What's wrong with dogs?
Got something against dogs you can? No, more that when they give dogs language. So it's like there's a picture here of a dog with sunglasses on a foot of a car and the speech bubble is coming out and it goes, Hello, ladies. Get some chimpkin, bock at some squirrels.
And it's like, Hello, ladies. It's like when they do the cats thing and it's like, I is kitty cat meow. You know what I mean? It's like, don't.
I has cheeseburger. I has cheeseburger. Yes. That's your bit of material.
I'm a dog guy, yeah, an internet dog. Speak. Oh, no, I'm out of speak it. Paul, I'm out of speak it.
I'm dead inside. Let me finish this point. I know. I know.
You're like a brain in a vat and everything's been feeding you reality. The scientist has been feeding you reality down the wires, you know, this whole virtual world of Ghostbusters and soft drinks and stuff. And then you are absolutely talking massive amounts of consmole. And the scientist is going, ah, I'll turn it down.
I'll turn Paul's dimmers down and he'll only feel anything. He'll just feel the slight fuzziness at the edge of his consciousness. I'll turn him down. Right.
Paul, right. Welcome to Cheap Show, the Economy Comedy Podcast. Yay. You twat.
I hate you. And your fucking mood will puss you. How did you think you're going to have to learn the fucking insects? Cheeseb show.
Cheeseb show. It's the price of stripes. Paul Ganon. Be like Sir, hold on.
Welcome to Cheap Show. And a girl with her nose all. Oh, back. Yes, we're back.
I'll say something to you're in dog language, yeah, Paul? Right. And you, you, you just have to see what I'm getting there. Okay.
What sort of thing is this dog asking for? So you're going to play the role of a dog now, right? Yes. But I'll be speaking dog English or whatever, that Internet talk, yeah?
All right. I has grumbles. I think that implies your stomach is churning. I has feeling nudges.
What? You come on. You have feeling nudges. Yeah, you'll take it.
Because Paul, this has been segue into what's happening this week. You can't do it. You're not feeling it. That's fine.
There were two of us at the helm on this show, Paul. As you know, and I think it's time for you to tell them what's happening this week with the third cheap show. What's coming up on the show, Paul? Well, what's coming up on the show is I don't know because I spent hours editing Winky and doing all that and our birthday weekend and the Twitch show and all that fun stuff that by telling me about the recording this episode was nothing in the PO Box to collect.
I'm all out of ideas. So I have decided to hand everything over to Mr Silverman. And it's an Eli Silverman mandate episode. I'm sorry.
Okay. Good. Glad to hear it, Paul. And I think it's moving in the right direction.
Oh, no. I actually do have something. Yeah, we'll do it. I allow you to do it because I would like to include your thing in my new domain.
Okay. Yes, you can speak. I has email. I has email.
I have email. I have email. I'm going. So read it out.
Yes, that's weak. It's winky related. Is that right? We've got some follow up.
Winky. Yes, it is winky related. So the three hour episode went out last week. We're very proud of it.
We hope you enjoyed the story. Jeff and Penny have since been in touch with me via email. They both enjoyed the episode, but they didn't want to clarify on a few things. So I thought I'd read the email.
How about that? We're all up for clarification here on the cheap show. It's all about truth, justice and sources. Truth, justice and the Nae and Asian way.
I'll go on the main Asian way any day. Come on. Come on. You've got to stitch it together.
Yeah, stitch it together. Something about the main Asian way. Spunk is like Mayo. Going on the main Asian way could be a bit of swapping off in a sandwich.
I don't quite know how that works. I walked down the main Asian way the other day. What does that mean? Why do you have a wank?
Why do you have this conversation about you and me and Asian? I don't know who you're talking to. You're talking to. You have some guy you walk down the street with and tell him how you wank.
Yeah, he's called Mr Curious. Oh, I like a chat with him. Send him away on my way. Hello.
Yeah. Hello, Mr Curious. Good voice you've got. It's not a generic at all.
But Mr Curious, what are you curious about? Mate, don't you fucking dare tell me how to do a voice when you're all your voices are effectively different types of dog barking. So just leave it. Let it go.
Is that Mr Curious? Is voice has changed? Hello. Yes, Mr Curious.
How can I help you? Well, Mr Curious, I thought you had a desire for knowledge. I do. Did you want me to describe something to you?
I'm curious to know how you're all togg on your main thud string. Well, thud string. It's funny you should ask that because I have just been to Chudney Farm this morning, if you know what I mean. Oh.
I've pulled a great big of Chuffney's cordage out of the cupboard. You know what I mean? Chuffney cordage. I've just realised that I've had this episode over to you.
It's going to be packed full of fucking nonsense. Chuffney cordage all day long. Chuffney cordage love it. Right.
Let me just read this fucking email. Yes, Mr Curious. So who's this email first? Because he sounds too much like a curious orange anyway.
Yeah, exactly. What? It's happened, what? It's happened, inherently, inherently, or something.
Yeah, this morning with Richard, not Judy, so moving on. Right. So here's what Jeff wrote. He said, what triggered Sherry, not speaking, was she was trying to screw with us to do something stupid and might want to leave just like in reality shows, which I guess.
But there's also an argument there to say that maybe she just got tired of it. Yeah. Next point. Jeff Wenke or Winkke, Wenke, Jeff Wenke was like an evil, can you go to over-class a big truck event after we came down?
Yes. There are awesome videos online apparently of him in action. I saw one. And yeah, he didn't seem to even attempt to jump.
He was in a stadium and all these sort of wrecked cars lined up. He didn't even seem to, he just hit the first car, went up this ramp. The bike hit the first car and he flew over the whole of them. Like flew off the bike onto a big mess.
It was crazy. God Almighty. Was that what Penny was talking about in the interview then? Yes.
Yeah, I think I saw it on her Twitter, please. Next point he wants to make. I had my apartment still in Santa Monica and I told JW he could move in with me until we found the place. It was about six months when family friendly was coming to visit me from New York, really saw who I was interested in dating and getting to know until one day I went to work and went and had sex with her so I kicked him out.
He then got pulled over a few times. They did not have a direct license until the police team was me because we were both the same height and build. I had to take him to court. Fucking hell.
So is this winky? Jeff Winky talking about stuntman guy. Yeah. Wow.
Those guys, those stuntmen guys all seem to have sort of quite difficult personal lives, don't they? They've got this weird sort of compulsion. It's like a death wish thing they've got, isn't it? Well, I mean, I don't know.
Well, he sounds like a bit of a... Jeff is saying there. He sounds like he was a bit of a... Well, he took him to court for pretending he was in.
Well, yeah. What I'm saying is, I just think at that time when they're quite young and they're building their careers, they're getting bicooka by crook. So, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah. He sounds like a griff there. That's for sure. But the impression I got from everyone was that everyone was kind of grifting.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. In that whole scene, everyone was just trying to get something. Rightly.
I mean, there's a few other points. Nothing of notes to read out, but there's also... He says he did roll with the punches with the lint because I was a self-proclaimed spokesperson of the remaining four. I was trying to get to know Lawrence to figure him out even though he was eccentric and a self-proclaimed narcissist.
So again, he's reiterating he doesn't paint leaners all bad or all good. Does he? He's saying he was sort of a complicated character. He must have been charming as well to a certain extent, doesn't he?
Well, it gets people to do stuff for him. But he's rich. It's not like he's charming and poor and gets people to do it. He's charming and rich where you don't think it's probably an easier argument to have?
Yes. It always helps if you're arguing with a big watch of cash. Perhaps in your front of your trousers, just sticking up over the belt, the watch is sticking up over there, is nestled. Come on, mate.
Listen, part of the rules this week is you have to go, when I say nudge or nuzzle or smudgy, you have to join in. You just say, in a way, you just don't have to. If you have a petulant child sometimes, if you just say, just have a stop phrase, when I say something, nuzzle is just like that, you just say, rab, rab. All right, let's give it a go.
Yeah. So, perhaps you can stick up, stick up, stick your watch of money. It's very persuasive. You stick your watch of money in the front of your trousers and it's all nestled.
Nestled. Nestled down there. It's all nestled. Rub, rub.
Yeah. Oh, rub, rub. Crazy. Right.
Oh, crazy. That's what I said. She wrote a few little emails about amendments and things like that. But when she's listening back to the interview, you sent me an email saying that Jeff was a bit of a cat and he can't believe he gave intimate details of Wenki and Sherry Hawking up.
I can't remember. Did he say that? What's that? He was talking about?
Yeah. Oh. I mean, come on, Penny. It was 40 years ago or something, wasn't it?
I mean, come on. Yeah. And then she didn't like E like calling the place of intimacy the bone pad. She was a bit off.
Why? That's what it was. Come on. Okay.
She also said I was obsessed with shit. I'm not obsessed with shit. I've got a healthy interest. You know.
I'm obsessed with shit. I has poop, poop, poop, burger. I have a meat burger. Rub, rub.
Oh, that's it. He's into it. Yeah. I'm fine with the rub of it.
So, yeah. She said it's not a bone pad. It was just for breaks and bathrooms. No Eli.
Jeff Olin did not get the cream of the crop. Jeff Wenki was the handsome Midwestern hunk. Jeff Stupla, the Doroblin funny. And Jeff Olin was what we like to call thirsty if you get my meaning.
Yes. That's I do. I do, Penny. But what I said is I didn't say you suggested that Jeff get got the cream of the crop.
And he said quite astutely I got the cream and the crop. He took whatever was coming. Vadgewise. Took it in the bag.
You have to put it like that though. Fuck me. Vadgewise. Don't speak about people in regards to what anatomy they have.
Vadgewise. That could be like a feminine health group at your local GP. Or it's the worst CITV show of the 80s. Vadgewise.
Yeah, Vadgewise. We're going to be Vadgewise. I don't know what it even means. Rub, rub, rub.
You get it. It's just working for you this rub, rub. Overall she said she loved it. Eli's brains in the gutter.
Fucking wime. I considered to be the dirty one. And she thinks Jeff might be slightly embellishing the sexual exploits. Anyway, that's it.
Kind of a nutshell without going into all the details. But it's nice to have them reply and clarify in a few things. It's a bit russian, isn't it? It's a bit everyone's.
There's going to be no universal truth because everyone's opinions and want to view it different. Absolutely. And if you just focus on the competition itself, you've got all the different viewpoints of all the contestants. And then Penny's got a different viewpoint.
And obviously there's events that happen that they both witnessed. And it's like any story, Paul. It depends who's telling it. In my version of the story, I was just reading between the lines.
It was a fucking bone in station, wasn't it? Great stuff. Alright, well as of now, Eli Silverman, as of right now, you are now in charge of cheap show. I'm handing it over to you.
Okay, hello everybody. We're back from the sound effect or whatever Paul's slapped in there. And Paul, I might use one of your fart sound effects this week. That's a nice bridging sound effect.
Yes, I see. I see what happened there. The little mask slipped there, didn't it? The little mask slipped.
It was an unconscious thing, wasn't it? You said fart, fart sound. And then what was the last word he said? Effects.
Proving, once and for all, that this is a whole sham, the sham of me farting, which I'd never do. I would never do that. No. How would I?
Every time, every time, we've recorded a teacher and you've let off a massive eggy woofer, right? And I've recorded it. Objection. I kept the little folder on my hard drive of all your collection.
Yes, sound effects. But you described them as effects. So you've revealed that you've been transformed from diagetic sound to non-diagetic sound. You've created them using sophisticated MIDI software.
No. Yes, you've created them using technologically shitty software, good guts. Oh, I love this back and forth, Paul. Yeah.
You don't have a movie, like you have a poog. I don't know what it means. The poog's warming up. Oh.
Right. Anyway, I have a folder full of your farts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've revealed them to be fake.
I do. One's called guffer. This one's called long and raspy. This one's called short and fat.
And then the last one I just called the beast. You don't have permission to put any so-called Eli farts in this. Yeah. You're going to toxify the episode.
I know what you're going to do now as well. They're going to be endless. It's going to be endless fart sound effects now, isn't it? Echoing around my head.
No, Paul, make mental note. Put fart sound effects in now. Now, we're going to start with a little bit of a cheap e-segment. It's the section of the show, ladies and gentlemen, which we taste cheap food stuffs.
We are lucky enough to have a fantastic listenership fandom, whatever you want to call it. They've sent us all this stuff. They know my pecadillos. Yeah.
You're in charge. He's goin, ladies and gentlemen. He can't have it. I'll just end quick.
Go for my head. Take a dillos. Why are you at it? Eli, get amplitude out there.
Get the system. Get THWACK. THWACK. Please.
THWACK. Yeah. THWACK. What?
Everybody's worried? No. I just want to say this one thing because I've got a terrific need to express it. Nicky Dilo's right.
Nice. Nice. They said they said it. And Paul, you've got me these Pringle branded noodles, which I'm going to be tasting at some point, but I've worked out that the tube.
We also said Pringles in a standard Pringles tube sort of a three quarter length tube. That's right. I thought it might have been instant noodle served in the tube, but apparently it's not. These are ramen flavored Pringles.
Yeah. These are ramen flavored Pringles. I'm going to try them, but I thought we could pre-seize this with a little discussion of Pringles. We have rated Pringles in our scientifically accurate crisp tier rating system, the leguslax and crisp, haven't we, Paul?
No, we haven't. Did we do Pringle knock-offs like off-brand brand off? That's what it is. But you know what I mean, Paul, now this is a bit of a side issue, but we really need to get the league back up and running.
Because we covered Chedas. We did Chedas and they didn't even get a rating in the league. Sorry, Chedas. I haven't eaten Chedas.
Why didn't Chedas not do a promotion with Keith Chegwit? And you could have done Chedas Chedas. Because he was the cheesy TV star. Probably because he was a cunt to work with.
Maybe. You pissed off his head some days. Or asked for too much money. Yeah, I guess in the 80s.
Yeah. Pringles, Paul, famously. Is it horrible being a celebrity where when you're at the height of everything, you're just saying no to all these projects. No, I'm too good for this.
No, I'm too good. And then one day, you're presenting Naked Jungle on Channel 5. Yeah, I know. God, with your little nubbing.
Your little chagga. Your little chagga. Your little tucked in chagga. Yeah, your little swap shop.
Your little scrot-scruttle button. Come on. Anyway. Say it.
Say it. Well, I'll say it again. I'll say it again. The ruttle button.
Oh, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub. Right. Right. Paul, Pringles famously, once you pop, you can't stop.
Yes, that is what they say. Which is a kind of sinister. It's an authoritarian snack position, isn't it? It's like, what a stop.
I don't, you know what I want to stop. Well, don't tell me I can't stop. It's like, what if it was like, hard labor? Once you start, you can't stop.
You know? Well, that's not a great comparison to compare Pringles with hard manual labor. Oh, right. It's more like, well, once you take your first hit, you can't stop.
It's like meth. Yeah, and they do. Pringles, in my experience, are very mouth addictive. But to the point of unpleasantness, so you wish you could stop.
You know what I mean? After halfway through the tube. You're not enjoying it anymore. You're mindlessly just shuffling.
Shoving, is it the salt? I think they put other. You don't like they, you can improve chocolate by adding salt to it. That's why chocolate, the pretzels are so nice.
It's that same thing. They are so nice. Here's the thing. I only eat plain Pringles because I find their flavoured ones vile.
Yeah, very chemically, aren't they, they're flavours? The whole thing about Pringles is fake to me. I mean, obviously, you know, it's manufactured so obvious. But what I'm saying is it tastes synthetic.
It is, it's like the mountain dew of crisps. Yes, absolutely. And do you see what I mean? You feel like once you've popped and you can't stop, but you're kind of not having an enjoyable food experience.
You're just sort of addicted. Just this reaction. Yeah, it's terrible. They're nasty, aren't they?
Really? Imagine if that was the phrase you'd use for masturbation and coming. Once you pop, you can't stop. So you're tugging it and tugging it and then you blow your load and then you're coming forever.
Just forever. That'd be great. Just know you couldn't go shopping. You couldn't go swimming.
You couldn't go shopping. I could go shopping. You couldn't come in. We'll do a little scenario.
Imagine I've popped my chod off and I've popped. Right? Yeah. And I'm going to come and try and buy the newspaper.
Yeah. All right. I'll have a checkout guy, right? Yeah.
Hello, sir. Welcome into Paul's Little Shop. How can I help you today, sir? Sir, can you not squash that on the quality street?
Sir. Sir, I will not have that jacket on my eggs. Oh, now come on, sir. You can't wipe your hands on the newspaper, sir.
Now, come on. Now, I must have to ask you quite politely, sir, to stop, scoffing on the Kinder Eggs. No. Carol, get them off.
What? Okay. Carol. I don't think I've got two girls named it's Barbara and Carol every time.
Oh, no. Do you know if there are any significant people in your life with that name? No. Not at all.
Okay. Strange. So these are rarmon-flavored Pringles. I have actually tried some more.
Pringles seem to have similar to KitKat. They seem to be able to endlessly do limited editions and different flavors or whatever. I don't know. If I did with Ashens on Digitizer a few months ago, they did the kind of strange Pringles, which was like prong cocktail and spicy king prong shrimp, fish, whatever.
You know what I mean? They do everything. They do absolutely everything, which is to be lauded, I guess. In many respects, you could say a Pringle represents the flavors and meals of the country that they sell that brand in.
So, you know, the Mexican Pringles are going to have different array of flavors to the British. Yes. And that's, again, that is similar to very similar to Instant Noodles, which is perhaps also another reason why there's so much, so much overlap between Pringles and Instant Noodles. Do you see what I mean?
Because they're these neutral food stuffs, which they can customize in terms of their flavor offering, depending on what territory they're in. So are you going to try them? Yeah. You've got Mr.
Pringles on the front. Is that what his name is? Is it called Harry Pringles? Johnny Pringles?
Terrence Pringles. Terrence Trent Pringles. I'm just going to pop this. You're going to give it a hop.
I'm going to give it a hop. I've got terrible hay fever today. So I know he's already sort of streaming, but we'll give it a go. I'm just opening it now.
Ooh. That smells like rarmon. It really does. It's weird.
I can smell the sort of miso of rarmon. That miso soup is what it smells of. And I think that's what this is. Miso-based rarmon that is on the picture on the side.
So that is a very accurate smell. Paul, I've opened this tube. I've had a surprise already. Yeah.
These are half-size. These are miniature. Oh, they are. They're tiny.
You see them? Yeah. They look normal-sized in my camera. I can't even get this.
Do you see they're tiny? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're at least half-size. Okay.
They're half-coming off of them now. Very, very accurate. Wow. It's just so miso-y.
Is it a reminder of a particular brand? No, but it's a reminder of a generic Japanese miso-based rarmon as opposed to where they make a- Oh, no, actually, tell a lie. It's a soy-sauce-based. Okay.
That's the smell. It smells of soy-sauce-based broth, which is a particular type of rarmon. All right, do. We'll give it a go.
We'll taste it. We'll taste it. You're scoughing it. Oh, of course.
You're going back to popping-not-stop. Wow. Yeah. Those are about the best-pring-all I've eaten in my life.
Well, blow me-shuts. Wow. Those are so good. So good.
Just a satisfying flavour. Yeah. Very, very flavoury. Very umami.
Like a so-so-so-y-torsy. Just lovely. Yeah. Oh, that's nice.
Wow. So I tell you what, since Mr. Biffle has inspired us, you know, like he added accuracy. What would you say the accuracy of that is then?
Very high. Very high. Like an eight or nine. The flavour also really suits that delivery method of being in a crisp.
Really? Yeah. It's not out of place because it's sort of like, it's similar to a noodle. It has a sort of neutral carbohydrate substrate on which the flavour sits on top.
Do you see what I mean? So it kind of suits it. But I get what you mean. The amplitude works.
It's loads of amplitude coming off of these like shards of white lightning of amplitude. Shooting out of the tube. Yeah. Mmm.
That was great. Spoffey hot globlets of flavoured accuracy all over your mouth. Yeah. I'll give those- I like the taste of those.
Mmm. Eli. Those are 30th. Yes.
The Pringles logo, right? Mr. Pringles. You know what his name is?
I've just found out. I don't have any idea. You did have an idea, but it's probably going to be offensive, wasn't it? Yeah.
Fuck face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
And Pringle. Pringle can. Is it Kenny? It's his name's Kenny Fuckmouth.
No. What's his name? Go on. Julius Pringles.
Oh, of course. He's a posh twat, isn't he? He's got all ears and graces with his little bowtie there. You know what I mean?
What's his bowtie about? I don't need some of the dress-up to give me fucking Pringles. Well, it says here. It was, yeah, just a man's face.
A prominent mustache and a mascot's name is Julius. And then it says, over the years, there've been many types of different flavour. There's a website called Snack History.com, which has like a history of snacks, I guess. And it's got a whole really in-depth history of the Pringle here.
Like who bought it, how it was made, how it was invented, who invented it. The name here is a list of the different flavours of Pringles, right? Okay. Bacon, jalapeno, cheddar and sour cream, barbecue, lightly salted cheddar, cheese, salt and vinegar, salt and pepper, crushed pepper, sweet mayo, prune cocktail, sour cream and onion.
Pizza, extra chili hot in line. line. Salsa Buffalo Ranch Chili Conquise So Pringles White Chocolate Milk Chocolate Ranch Screaming Deal Pickle Cheeseburg Hot Dog Honey Mustard I.S.G.S. Burger Loaded Bape Potato Memphis BBQ Blueberry Onion Tanger Buffalo Blay Zim Buffalo Multi Green Farmhouse Grand Canyon French Fries Caramel Butter Extra Pepper Garlic Seafood Grilled Srim Pen Garlic Salsa Dachily Habber Yellow Natural Hot Chicken Bacon Bruschetta Spanish Salsa Salsa Birthday Fries Spicy Hot Paprika Sweet and Tangy Smoked Solari Speribs Prawn Cocktail Chili Steak Paprika Funky Mustard Funky Soy Mozzarella Bacon Caesar Felic Dachily Smoked It's locked down in it.
You know what? It needs to do. It needs to do. It needs to do.
It needs to do. It needs to do. It needs to do. It needs to do.
It needs to do. It needs to do. It needs to do. One last thing.
We've got another segment here. It's a little bit of a Silverman's Platters. Now I'm going to introduce the section and I just want to just check with you before we go fully for it that you know what your role is here. These are the Silverman's Platters.
Just tell me. I want to hear it. Tell me. What are your responsibilities?
These are the intro to Silverman's Platters. It's my responsibility to just pretend to be Clyde McFlatter for three seconds and say something in response to whatever in name Claptrap falls out of your stupid fat mouth. Am I close? Getting into the spirit of it.
Yes. Yes. So we'll go for it. Yeah.
You're locked in. You're ready. Yeah. Yes.
Let's just get through this. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. It's time now again for Silverman's Platters.
Yes. The Platter of the hour comes down when I drop the needle on my Platter. We're going to cover records like you've never been covered before. And just a quick word now from the patron side of this segment.
Yes. It's Clyde McFlatter. Clyde. Can you hear me?
Rob Rob Rob Rob. It's Silverman's Platters ball. Yeah. Let me just let the cat out a second one, sir.
Oh fuck sake. Fucking upstaging cat. Does he need cheeseburgers? Why am I supposed to?
Oh, Mr. Buss. Oh, Mr. He's a black man.