Oh, yes, it's here. We're here. Ooh. Oh, ha ha.
Time for a cheap show. Ah ha. Now, ha ha ha ha. Is that it?
Give it up for 30 seconds in. That is actually a record. Paul, you're drinking. I'm not.
Can we talk about that? No, we're not. We're not. We're not.
So, no drinking. I've just decided we talk about that. I've just decided when we do cheap show from when we're doing it remotely. I like to have a little, you know, bourbon and ice just aside.
Just here. It's nice. It's like refined. It's not refined.
It's a tricky slippery slope. I also tricky. And when you slip down that slope, you slid all the way down there and you're bumping your head on the way down. And then there's a little nettle that gets you.
Is this coming from experience? Oh, Master Pissed. Oh, Master Pissed. Oh, Master Pissed.
I'm not old, Master Pissed. Thank you. You're grabbing the crown of cheap show Pissed. Well, I have, you know, it is just the one.
I make it last as a bit of like to dilute it. It's not that strong. It looks like it's about the one which is four fingers deep. Oh, I've been four fingers deep.
Yeah. Anyway, welcome to cheap show. In a cow. What about in a cow?
Yeah, right. You'd need four fingers for a cow, wouldn't you? You'd touch a son. You can't go cheap on a cow.
Or put moo or in. Yeah. Well, and the sheep go. I say every week.
The sheep, they only take one or two fingers, but they go bad. They go what? Oh, fuck off. No, you give it.
I got it. I got it. I got it. Cool.
What? You give it, you give a sheep one finger. Now, let's say you're an amputee, like your fingers. You've only got two fingers.
Wow. And you've got a sheep. And your friends with a sheep, you've had a long term relationship. Yeah.
You come out and you give it one finger. But it knows you have two fingers. So it goes, yeah. It goes.
Biles. Biles. Biles. Fingers.
Biles. Fingers. No. No.
No. No. Not having that one. That's so bad.
That sounds like a goat, not a sheep. Well, it's a goat. They'll all look the same goat and sheep. I can't tell them apart.
The dog. And then a cat would just go, Oh, fish me. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you who's asking for it though, Paul.
No one's asking for it. No one in the world asks for it. There is a whole species of slutty animals. They're asking for it.
There's not species of slutty animals. Bees. Bees. Bees with their little frilly, giving me the eye.
Right. Well. Winking their stingers. Winking their stingers at me.
Winking their stingers at you. What? Let's just do the intro. All right.
Welcome to Chicho. All right. Welcome to Chicho. Welcome to Inacronomy comedy.
Econom. How? Let's do a call and response thing. Go on.
So you say welcome to Chicho. It's an economy. And I say comedy. And then you say podcast.
That's an echo. It's not a call and response because you're not responding. You're echoing. Oh, well, let me just have to be something like Welcome to the show.
What's the show? And then you say cheap. And I say show cheap. Show.
Cheap. Show. Yeah. But then what about economy?
Pottery. Pottery. Pottery. Pottery.
Is that a thing? All of this is not working for me. Including the idea I have. All of it is bad.
And we are four minutes in. And we haven't done the titles yet. One thing. One single thing before we do the titles.
Well, right. Is there is there a thing in this world? Which is called a charge hopper. Charge hopper.
I don't believe there is. All right. Must have been a dream. Sorry.
Let's get over the show. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the economy comedy podcast that we like to call. Cheap show.
Cheap show. Cheap show. It's the price of cheap. Paul Ganon.
Be like Silverman. It's a cheap show. And a girl and a nuzzle. Hello, welcome to the top of the show.
Paul Ganon. And who's this cheeky-jappy? I'm Eli Silverman. It's lovely to be here again, Paul.
On Cheap Show. And we've got a rimful of Asha. Show which is brimful of goodies and content, isn't it? What have we got coming up on the show today, Paul?
Do you think Asha's ever done like a gag where he's done all that's a brimful of Ashens or something? Brimful of Ashens. You know. You are tempting me.
Everybody needs a nubbin for a pillow. Everybody needs a nubbin. Chordful of spanky on the hopper. I've got a chard hopper, spanky.
Wow. Chord monkey, spanky on the. And you wonder why I drink ladies and gentlemen on the podcast to get through the pain. Fill my chard hopper with sponsor.
Week by weekly, Eli. You leave the English language behind, don't you? Like breadcrumbs who just scatter them on the pathway to the candy house of madness that awaits you in the woods of civility. The woods of civility?
Civility woods, yes. What do you got? You've been nice there and you do things for your neighbours, though. Yeah.
And you're walking away from that to the candy house of madness. Yeah. OK. I like the candy house of madness.
Come in, little boy. In the candy house of madness. Do you have candy corns? We have candy corns of madness.
Do you have lollipops? Oh, we have lollipops of madness. Do you have meringue pie substitute? We have meringue pie.
Meringue pie substitute of madness. I'll take the candy corns of madness. Here you go, young boy. Candy corns.
I'll save some for my shot hopper spodgy. Of madness. Come on. Just do it.
What have we got? Fuck the day on the show. We are going to be giving a good old British try to the old game of the old favourite that we old guys like to play. Oldly it is the old good old price of old shite.
Old good old shite. The pretty pricey price of shite. Sicy size. Yes.
Donated by yet again, the fantastic Mark Connyborn. He's given us a little box full of knick-knacks he's found. And we're looking forward to playing. Because we don't know do we?
The answers are sealed. It's a spoke one. I haven't looked at it. Paul, I just want to assure you right now before we get into the body of the game.
Yeah. I have protected it. I protected it from myself and I protected myself for myself by locking it. And I have the number for the lock.
It's a combination lock. No one's seen that. I've got someone else to set that for me. And that's locked away.
It's under my bed. We'll have to go in there. I don't know. If I have looked at it, it would have been in some kind of drug induced madness.
But no, it's there. I haven't seen it just to assure you of that right now. OK. And we have the best security surrounding the answers.
Freddie. Rizzo. Goon. Because Jimmy Goon got killed.
Oh yeah. But Freddie Goon does do a bit of... I didn't want him on this job though, Paul. Well, you know, I didn't either.
I didn't either. He was the best available and he was cheap. I can't get him in the house of Plicles. You know what he's like?
It's like he gets turned on and then it's like... He does get hard somewhere. Where was it? He got hard.
It was in the lower half. Yeah, it was in the downstairs area, wasn't it? It was in the downstairs area. Yeah, there we go.
What we got coming up then? After that, we've got another little tomy treat that we hope will eat us on a merry adventure or two. Yes. That's it.
Also, I want to bring this up now before we get started. I wish I'd never read that bit out about the Frosties. Because now I've had people all over to it saying, Oh, there's Frosties here. And there's Frosties here.
And there's Frosties here. And I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
My mistake is we get out in a fame attempt to conjure up some cheese moment style conspiracy fun. But Paul, it was me who brought it to your attention that you remember because my friend had said to me that he couldn't find them in his supermarket. And then you found that article. Yeah, but that was an American article.
But then it turns out there's still 18 different types of Frosties out there. They have marshmallow Frosties, honey not Frosties, egg Frosties. Did that candy corn of madness Frosties? No, they just had Frosties.
Of madness! So what was discontinued then? I don't know. As of right now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, listen to the podcast.
I officially check out of this argument. I don't want to talk about it. I will not retweet anything anymore. I don't care.
All right, God. I'm still interested if anyone wants to get in touch with me about, you know, discontinued serials. I'm your man. Yeah.
Thank you. Well, there you go. Frosties. Well, that's that segment.
I've also, I want to show off a little toy quickly. You like to show you this. Look at this. On the camera.
What's that? Oh, I was just about to ask you what the hell that was. It looks incredibly modular. It is jenga.
Oh, it's like a plastic jenga. It's jenga. Official jenga. But what makes it unique is that it's called Jenga Quake.
And you build your blocks on this platform. And it vibrates like Earthquake to when you play it randomly. So I'll just turn it on very quickly. And look, it's pulsing and vibrating, you know, to there.
That's terrible. And when you move it, I'm going to take a little brick out of... Oh, no, I can't believe it. Oh, shit, I got...
That's going to fall over straight away. It's stupid. I hate it. It makes it exciting.
No, it doesn't. Jenga's exciting enough. If you want it, you could spice up Jenga yourself. Do you know how you spice it up?
Get wasted. Well, you just know. Wasted jenga. Instead of blocks, you put little sweets or like refreshers or oblong sweets or like, I don't know, novelty condoms.
As a little prize, it's a little party phase. So you turn it out of the... It's like past the pastel with Jenga. Yeah.
What about pickle Jenga? Yeah. We've got pickles all stacked in a Jenga combination. You've got to take a pickle.
They haven't made cuboids pickles yet, have they? So that's seen some use, doesn't it? The vibrate. No, I haven't used it for wanking.
You have. Yet. Now that you've given me the idea. It's a bee day of love.
And what I could do is put the little plastic brace that vibrates right on the mascara. Just rest the plums upon the top. Yeah, how about your plums? And then as I'm a...
not to be cause-bores beating my knees. Every now and then, as a surprise, it gives me a little vibrate. And it's like, oh, hello. Hello, cheeky.
That's good, isn't it? Yeah. And if the time it right, I can blow my load with the earthquake bit goes off. I go...
Yeah. Might as well. I was going for a Jenga nasty. Listen, don't try and take my nomenclature.
Yeah. Milky raspberry. Milky raspberry. If you were drinking one, if you could.
Drinking what? Milky raspberry. What's a milky raspberry? What's a milky raspberry?
Guess what? It's a milky raspberry. I'll tell you what a milky raspberry is, Paul. You know what a milky raspberry is, Paul.
You need to tell me again so I can remember and then agree or disagree. One part T. Yes. Yeah.
One part raspberry herb T. Right. One part milk. All right.
Sugar. Drink hot. Allah. Milky raspberry.
I do it when you're shoving Jenga up your ass. Well, we haven't found a good way out of this segment yet. So what do we do? Do you want to keep digging?
Oh, should we just draw a line with this bit now? Is this the segment? God, is it still going to be the first bit of the show? I know.
Let's just end it. I've lost hope for the rest of the show. Like last hope before we started recording. Let's crack on.
Okay. Paul. Yes, Mr. Silverman, sir.
Why'd you call me that, Mr. Silverman? Your name isn't it, Mr. Silverman, sir?
No. I want you to call me Dickie E. Boy. Dickie E.
Boy. What's going on here? Yeah. All right.
Dickie E. Boy. Paul. Yes.
Oh. Come on. I'm starting the theme off. Oh.
What'd you be to say? The second word of the theme of this segment. Oh. It's the fucking price of Jides.
It's the fucking price of Jides. It's the fucking price of Jides. Oh. It's the fucking price.
Oh. Jides. Oh. And that's right.
You fucked it right in the end. You fucked it right at the end. It's shit. Let's start again.
That's right. That's right. What are you saying? What are you saying?
We're going to say, and that's all right. And that's... And... Oh yeah.
Or something. Yeah. Exactly. You fudged it.
It's meant to be. And that's right. The most singular important part of the intro. Okay.
Can we do it again? But do it really quick. No. Because it's painful for us to do just then.
It'll be painful for me to edit. And it'll be painful for the people to listen back to. Despite the edits. That I don't want to do it twice.
I'm in pain now. We haven't introduced the segment properly. No. What's happening?
What segment is this for? It is the price of Shite Ladies and Gentlemen. And that's right. No.
And that's right. If you don't call back a victory. I claw back a victory from the gaping jaws of defeat. The price of Shite Ladies and Gentlemen is a game on this podcast where usually Eli and I go to a charity shop buy a few items.
And then price of right style, we have to guess the prices of those items. Sometimes we mess with the formula, but buying larger than the golden rules. Get the price spot on. Two points.
Or as we like to call them a between. Oh. We do. Oh, a between.
But if you get it within 25 p either way of the final correct answer, that will be just a one between. The betwings for me are very far, a few far between. It's been a while since we've put twinged. It felt like it's been a year since my lips last said between.
Has it? Feels like it. I've got the price of Shite here, Paul. It's a lovely little bespoke price of Shite kit that was sent to us.
I have the answers they are sealed. I have been bound for 24 hours to my bed and rubbed down every 15 minutes with anointing oils. Essential oils. Who rubbed you down?
Tear and me, Sue, oils. No, who rubbed you down? Who if you if you're bound to your bed, but you have to be rubbed down, who rubbed you down? Freddy Goon.
He's running the whole. He's running the whole. He's running the whole secretarial detail, the whole security detail rather, not the secretarial. Sorry.
Now what I'm going to say is being bound to your bed so you can't look at the answers is one thing. What I want to know is what is the significance of a man rubbing you down with oils as you're strapped to your bed? Because I have to remain pure in thought and pure of soul. How can you be pure in thought when a man's rubbing you off as you're bound to your bed?
He's unwrapping me off. Thank you. He wants to get your mind out of the gutter. I bet he asked for a bit of a happy ending.
And you went go for it, make fill your boots. He asked for a happy ending. Paul. Yeah, he was rubbing you down.
Why would he ask for a happy ending? He's providing me a service. He should be offering me a happy ending. But he doesn't because it's all above board.
It's an anointing with essential oils to clear the mind. So I don't think about the prices. My cock is a way in its panty drawer. It's not.
Your cock is proud and angry. Awaiting an ointment from Freddy Goon's tender fists. There's no cock anointing going on in the security detail of this podcast. Well, there were a waste of time.
I have in my hand a bag containing the bespoke price of shite selection. And who sent it in this week, Paul? I believe it was good friend Mark only born, not every old friend. Now price of shite answers.
No cheating. You can see this is sealed. Yes, they are sealed. When it was in my possession, I obviously did not peak.
It was impossible to. It was sealed with a loving kiss. So when I own you, we will all know it was my betweens and my betweens were earned. And I earned the betweens alone.
I alone earned the betweens. Right. I'm losing it. Is it?
Right. Here are the answers. Now with you, Paul, Mr. Ganon.
Sir. Yes. Yes. This is me.
Dickie boy. He boy. Asking you. Dickie boy.
He boy. It doesn't work. I wasn't. Well, I'll be the judge of that.
It's my name. All right. Dickie boy. He boy.
Yeah. You won't be. I'm going to tell you right now. It's a ball bag name.
Who are you talking to? You. Who else am I talking to? No, but who?
Because there's a lot of people here. So who is no one? You have to say their name, mate. If you want to know which of the people here you want to talk to.
What their name? I'm not conducting the rest of this podcast. Like a fucking seance. where I'm talking to people in an empty room.
I wish you would. Eli, are you there? Come through the void. There is no Eli.
There's only Dickie boy E-boy now. Now I believe he said to letter with a few parameters of the rules of the game. OK. I think I'll have a quick scan of that.
I think it's towards the bottom. I got it. OK. You ready?
I am. Hello again, Eli and Paul. Hello. Hello.
Got another box of segments here for your perusal. One of the benefits of having a girlfriend. Fuck off, mate. Rubbing it in.
What is this? Oh no. One of the benefits of having a girlfriend who runs a charity shop. Is that I have to have a nose.
I get to have a nose. No, you do have to have a nose for most things. Yeah, you do. He gets to have a nose, which is nice, I guess.
He happens to have a nose. No, he gets to have one. I think they've got a nose section in the charity shop. His girlfriend steals a nose for him.
Eli, if there was any noses on his shelf, would you pick one? Yeah. And that's next. And then I start with Bogey collection.
In the jar marked Chod Bucket. Chod's. Chod's number one. Chod's number two.
Chod offerings. Chod chunky Chod fodder. Chodder. Right.
He gets to have a nose. This is what he's saying. He gets to have a nose. He gets to have a nose.
What they get in? He gets to have a nose, Paul. But I'll take it in. So I've made the suitable donation and grab some tap for you.
He's making donations still. He's not ripping it. He's not getting special pickings. He's not going to love.
Get me the nice stuff. You know, now that you've got a job at RSPC, get us some nice stuff. Greased the wheel, love. Let me in.
So let me see in the back. I'd like on the type of guy, D-Fraud's charities. Yeah. That's what you do, Mark.
You come out at night when people have left in banks in front of charity shop windows and doors. And he goes and has a rubbish. And then he blames it on the foxes. Dirty Mark.
He's made the suitable donation. And he's grabbed some tap for us, Paul. We are the beneficiaries here because we have a lovely bespoke price-o-de-shy-so. And I'm going to be a ramaging and scrumaging around in it.
And pulling out an item very soon. OK. So just as soon as we can see into the letter. Fucking read it.
OK. Here we go. I'm just going to skip to the price of short list. Yes, please do.
Oh, he's the list. I've got a list. So should we go through them in the list that he says? OK.
Yeah. But I think he said something about the prices just after the list. Have a quick look at that. Yeah.
I've got that. Do you want to get that information? Yeah. Read that up because I think it said some parameters.
Can I just ask you, Mr. Gavin, can I ask you? Yes. Dickey Boy-E like coming.
Right at you. I'm not doing the Dickey Boy-E like thing. I'm just not. Dickey Boy-E, boy.
Dickey Boy-E, boy. Says, have you got pen and paper? You've got, I want to see the pen and paper. And I want to see our names.
I don't have pen and paper. Listen. Oh, give me a second. I'll get some.
Jesus Christ. Yeah. I went through all that oiling. All the chains in the oiling.
I've got pen and paper, all right? Now write our names. I'm doing it now. Let me see it.
Oh, this pen ain't working. I've got a flipping flip-sake flip-E. It was working for a second and now it's not. Give it a good, good, good.
I'm giving it a good, good, I'm giving it a good, right? It's off again. Even even, even, even, I prepare. I was on a, I prepared.
I was, I was had to be putting an iron maiden overnight with oils. Stop vamping. You're not good at it. Right.
I've got a piece of paper. Look, see. I've got a paper written down. You've written my name wrong.
I haven't. E-L-I is how you spell it, right? No, you spell it. D-I-C-K-Y.
B-O-I-E. B-O-Y. I won't play and I could have cheated. I had to go through a serious regime with Freddie Goon, tying me up, oiling me off, putting me in an iron maiden and spiking me with a big pole.
For you, he's writing something else funny. You ready for your first item? Is this it now? Diggingboy E-L-I dick boy, yes.
That's for rugby. Right, got it. So it's Paul versus Dicky Boy E-L-I dick boy. Now, there will be between some orders in the manner which Paul summarised at the top of the segment.
And it will be standard rules in every way, plus the three between bonus, yes? Excellent. OK. Now here's the information.
Here's the background. Here's the little lowdown on the sort of realm we're working with within the framework. The pricing framework we are trying to place the shite within. We need to hang the shite in the conceptual pricing framework, which I'm about to say to you now, Paul.
No item. No item. No item. No item.
It was more than two pounds. Right. Only £1.50 piece. So it's either going to be £50p, £1.52.
Well, he's simply suggesting every item is either a pound or £50p. But it could be £1.50 or £2 because he said it would be going more than. Yeah. Yeah.
OK. It could be £50p, £1, £1.50 or £2. That's the whole range of prices we're working with. It's refreshing.
So refreshing. So does that mean two items might be a pound the same? Mm. Prices included separately.
So, yes. OK, here we go then. What's the first item? No, no, no.
There was more conceptual framework and world building for the pricing scale and structure in which we will be working. Go on. It came to £7.50. That's important.
All together. Yes. And it came from the RSPCA shopping here at Herrford. Right.
All right. Are you ready? Gladiators ready for the first item. Yeah.
Gladiators ready. I'm having a little Spanish. I'm OK with the first item. Right.
What's the first item? Choke to the camera for me. It's moustache straws. Oh, God.
What's that? Well, you've got some straws. Yeah. And then you have these plastic disc moustache things, which we've had little hooks.
So they hook on the straw. Right. And when you raise the straw to your mouth, it appears that you have a moustache. That's very witty, isn't it?
So they're just separate straws, blue, normal, blue straws. They are sick. Five of them. Paul, five novelty moustache things.
Do you want to know what these moustaches are? Because it will affect the price of this shot. This is proper shot novelty shop crap filling up the world of shit that no one needs or ever wanted. It's textbook charity shop folder.
Several thousand years in a landfill, sticking into a rat's arse in the future. Do you know what I mean? We'll have one at the end of one of these arse in the year 3000. And we'll go, ah!