Hey, my name's Pete, and I'm really not that bad at movies, but this episode is a little different. Usually, my girlfriend Renee hosts the podcast, and she forces her friends to show her movies she's never seen before, so she can stop feeling like such an asshole. But this time, I'm the asshole, because I, unlike all of my friends, have not seen all the Harry Potter movies, and they are my girlfriend Renee's favorite movies. So this is going to be a two-part, Jesus Christ, this is why I don't host it, but it's going to be a two-part special, because there's eight goddamn movies to watch. As she rereads the books, I'm going to watch the movies, and then we're going to discuss the movies, why they're her favorite, stuff like that.
For this episode, we watched Years 1 through 4 on film. I have seen some of them, but it's been a while, so we're just going to do a legally blind judgment of the first four movies here. So let's see. This is what I think these movies are about, if I recall correctly. The Sorcerer's Stone. It's Harry's first year at Magic College. He gets too high on the wizard version of Laced Weed, Sorcerer's Stone. Year 2, The Chamber of Secrets. Harry tries to get into a magic frat, but things go too far during the hazing process, and he becomes a recluse. He writes a lot of sexual short stories in his chambers for the year. The Prisoner of Azkaban.
Harry forms a Death Eater metal band called Prisoner of Azkaban. It's ironic, because he ends up going to real magic prison after flying his broom drunk. For real magic prison, they just shrink him down to fit inside a matchbox. The Goblet of Fire. Harry is let out of matchbox jail early for good behavior, but he then struggles with alcoholism after a dragon nearly kills him with fire breath.
Let's go ahead and watch all four movies. And now, the first four Harry Potter movies in under 60 seconds. Year one. You're a wizard, Harry. Look at all this candy. There's a three-headed dog, a chessboard, and the bald head we don't speak of. Year two. The diary and some toilets and the blood and the spiders. Year three. The black dog, the eagle horse, Commissioner Gordon helps Harry travel through time. Year four. Whoa, it's kind of like way darker. The song is in minor key. That guy's got a robot eye. Did you put your name in the goblet, Harry? Voldemort's a person now. That's my boy. That's my son. My boy.
Hi, Renee. Hey, Pete. What's happening? Thanks for having me on my show. I didn't really. Thanks for switching with me. Yeah, this was my idea. Yes. Full disclosure. But Harry Potter is really important to me. And as my boyfriend, I feel like you need to understand where I'm coming from. Yes. And it really is just a big part of my life and something I want to pass down to my kids. And when I found out that you hadn't read most of the books and hadn't seen most of the movies, I was like, oh my God, we need to do this, but we need to do it right. So.
That's why we're doing it on the podcast. This is totally fair because I make you see the Marvel movies. True, yeah. But even for me, I've never read a comic book besides Watchmen and I make you go see these movies. So I feel like you're a little more justified in making me watch these because you've actually read the source material. Yeah, I have. I grew up with it. I feel like I was just in that right pocket of age groups whenever the first Harry Potter came out. I was in fourth grade, I want to say, and my English teacher pulled me aside and was like, I really think you'd enjoy this book. And she gave me the first Harry Potter.
And I thought to myself, this is really weird. I'd never really read books with like a male protagonist, especially one my age. And I read it and just immediately was obsessed with it. And I read them in real time. I had to wait forever for the second book to come out in the U.S. and just kind of grew up with it. My grandma bought us the first book. Yeah. And we certainly didn't have it when it first came out. There may have been like two or three or even four books out when we got it as a gift for like somebody's birthday. Me and my brother really didn't. We're not big reading fans. Yeah. We're just kind of like, great. Thanks, grandma. So she was more.
like aware of the cultural happenings in the book world than we were and I think maybe my mom or my brother read it first and they were just like hey uh this book's pretty cool and then we all started reading them my brother read all of them but I gave up on book four yeah because it was 700 pages yeah it's lofty I also recall the first couple chapters of book four being kind of boring yeah oh yeah I I just reread the fourth book and they don't even go to school until like page 200 or 300 in the book which is crazy like there's just all this stuff of what's going on in the summer like they went to the basic like the quidditch world cup and then it's just all this stuff that happens before they even get into school so they don't even mention the goblet of fire until probably like a third of the way into the book so yeah i could see how you'd get discouraged but i thought the beginning of the fourth movie was the most interesting yeah beginning so far so i don't know why as a kid i think i really think it's because the book was so big yeah i can't do it here's like the thing the thing that i enjoy so much about the books and the movies is that okay so when whenever i was watching the movies for the first time i get really disappointed that they were taking out a lot of stuff from the books and like leaving out a movie or just not focusing on parts long enough but
they made it so succinct in the movie. They took out parts that didn't need to be there that are just kind of extra that you want to hear in the book. But it's, yeah, the book is 700 pages and they were able to make a what, like two hour movie, maybe less out of all of this stuff just by condensing it and putting it into a lot more action just packed into the short amount of time. But I feel like everything that they left out is justified. And I might've been disappointed when I first saw it, but now it's like, oh, that makes sense. Like, of course they're not going to have a big chapter about the ghost that's in all the Harry Potter, like peeves as opposed to this comic relief and he's just not in any of the movies.
I think people don't realize, no matter what, whatever book it is, to make it into a movie, it's not the book as a movie. It's an adaptation, no matter what. For scripts we were taught in school, a page equals a minute on film. That's for a script where it's like triple spaced and there's like six words on each page. A 300-page book that has I don't know how many words on each page, to actually make that into a movie where it's the book as a movie, it would be like 72 hours. Yeah, it'd be ridiculous. You have to pick and choose what's in it and you have to show things differently.
I used to hate people that would say the book was better than the movie. Yeah. It's because I would never ever see movies that I had read the book for. And now I have a few times. Still not that many times. But I agree that often the book is better. But you just can't expect it to be the book on screen. Oh, yeah, sure. It literally cannot be the same thing.
And it's not going to be what was in your head. Even the visuals are going to look different. Nothing's going to be the same. Right. If you're excited about seeing a movie based on that book, sweet. But if you expect it to be identical, then don't even waste your time. Yeah. Lower your expectations a little bit because you're going to be disappointed no matter what. I feel like you and I are the opposite in that I am a huge reader. I read probably every night before I go to bed. And that's something I grew up with. Like my family, my mother and my sister, and I'm pretty sure my brother read all the Harry Potter books and were obsessed with them. And I'm just thinking about how all these random memories associated with Harry Potter.
We go to the beach every year. My family does. And one of the books, I want to say the fourth or the fifth book, came out that summer while we were at the beach. And we all read when we're on the beach. And that year, because the book came out and we didn't feel like waiting until the other person was finished to start reading the book, we bought three copies of the same books that we could all read. Harry Potter, the newest Harry Potter book while we're at the beach. Just ridiculous. It's like super fan, you know, fandom. It was huge. It was crazy. I had friends that would go.
to, like, the release parties at Barnes & Noble when a new book came out. And I was just like, I don't get it. Yeah, I never did that. Okay, good. Yeah. I'd never wait in line to go get it. I don't even know. I don't even think Amazon was a thing yet at that point. It might have been, but my parents were still, like, afraid of putting information on the internet at that point. Oh, yeah, yeah. It took a long time for my parents to be able to be like, okay, I guess I'll put my credit card in the computer. Yeah. So, okay, I actually have another memory about Harry Potter. Didn't you get one of the books from London? Yes. So, okay, so I read the first book when I was in fourth grade, obsessed with it. And I just, like...
Told my mom all about it and was like freaking out about it. I did a book project on it for my class. And one other kid in the class had read the book. His name is Colin. And Colin had read the book and was also equally obsessed with it. Nobody else had heard of it at this point. And then my birthday rolled around. And I guess for my birthday, I don't even know if I specifically asked for it or if my mom just knew that I really liked the book. But she talked to Colin's mom and was like, she had gotten Colin the book from.
the uk version of the second book that came out and they had to for some reason like re-release it in the u.s later i think because they were like changing some words or like spellings of flavor and color take all the u's out of the book make it cheaper but so uh yeah and they called it the philosopher's stone in britain instead of the sorcerer's stone anyway why but my mom like special ordered the uk version of the second book so that i had it before like it was ever released in the u.s and that was so special to me it's like It was mystical at the time because Amazon wasn't a big thing. And I'm sure that's where she got it from was Amazon. Yeah. You know, but. I mean, is there anything else different about, obviously not about this story. Yeah. Do they say different things? Do they be like, all right, shove off. And they put up their two fingers or no? I don't, I honestly, I'm trying to remember. I'm assuming shove off is a very British thing to say. Shove off. They say like bogey a lot or like. What is that? Or bollocks. Bollocks is balls. But bogey is like boogers or snot. Oh, so they're like, oh, look at that three-headed horse with boogies on its nose? Yeah, basically. I don't know how often they say boogers in Harry Potter anyway. More than you'd think.
You're right. It's for like a little kid. So yeah, it's like, you know, boogers are hilarious. But yeah, I don't remember there being that much of a difference. I'm sure at some point afterwards, we did get the second book in the US version. And I doubt there were any really big changes. I think honestly, it was mostly spelling. Probably just less commercial breaks, right? Yeah. Well, let's talk about the movies. Yes. I'm curious. I think about this with book movies. I'm like, if the actor is no good, does it completely ruin the movie? Yeah. What do you think of Daniel Radcliffe? Let's start at the first movie. Okay. Is he okay? Or is he just a bad kid actor? I think that...
I think he was good. Honestly, I mean, I was around his age whenever I saw the movies. I didn't know what good or bad acting was. That's true. Going back and watching the movies now, I don't really have too many complaints about him. It's more about Hermione. I feel like everybody can look back and be like, oh, Emma Watson was like not the best actress. She's too much. Yeah, she just was like very – I think she was – yeah, she was a kid who wasn't – that was her first acting role ever. They like pulled her out of school. They did auditions out of school. I remember seeing in the newspaper like who was playing these roles in like the audition process and stuff. Yeah. Anyway. Well, I think –
Yeah, it's a real gamble whenever you get kid actors into it. The director, Chris Columbus, has a lot of movies in his history that are just primarily with kids. I think he directed Home Alone. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he's worked with a lot of child actors. Oh, that's right, because all the music sounds like it's from Home Alone. Right? Yeah, yeah. So they got a director who's familiar with working with kids, so he was able to probably help with that. But I think that...
The fact that the three main characters are kids, but then all of the other actors around this project were all amazing British actors. Like Alan Rickman's involved with it. Like Michael Gambon, I don't even know how to pronounce his last name, got involved with it at a later date. Like all the actors, Emma Thompson's in a later one. Yeah, I mean, everybody in that movie was huge. Was there anybody that didn't play their character well or maybe differently than they are in the book? Or is it like, yeah, that's what I pictured pretty much.
I think the biggest difference, I feel bad, I can't remember his name, but the original Dumbledore passed away. That's right. And then they had to get the new Dumbledore, which I think his name is Michael Gambon. Okay. He changed the entire character of Dumbledore, which I think. How? Like in the first two movies, he's just, Dumbledore's like this wise old man who doesn't have a whole lot of goofiness to him. Like there's not a lot of humor in what he's doing. He's just kind of like a mentor to Harry. Okay. And then in the third and fourth books and later on, he becomes more of like a friend to Harry and more amiable. Like he has more of a sense of humor. Like I'm thinking of a specific part in the third movie wherever.
They come back from time traveling and fixing everything. And they tell Dumbledore, like, we fixed it. We did it. And he goes, did what? Good night. And they're just, you know. Do you like that in the book? Not really. You know what? Actually, yeah, there are.
yeah he is goofy in the book they just didn't really do it in the first couple books like um there's a scene in the first or second book around christmas where they have this whole thing about them like cracking little crackers that have like fancy magical things in them and he's wearing like a baby's bonnet and being really goofy and they kind of describe him as like this hippy dippy eccentric guy yeah and he's not eccentric in the movies he's just kind of like an old wizard yeah you know like a grandpa he says some funny stuff like oh yeah that sharp whip um What's all this stuff about Dumbledore being gay? Is that even brought up in the books or is it just like fan stuff? Like, here's some clues as to why Dumbledore is gay. I see articles about that all the time on the internet. I'm like, is this relevant? It really isn't relevant to the books. I think later on in the seventh book, it's maybe...
kind of mention that he may be gay but it's not ever outright said and it's not really important like i don't know why people i think it's just funny it's a character choice that jk rowling had and i'm sure she let the actor in on it and was like your your character's gay that doesn't inform anything about how dumbledore is all of the professors or all of the like yeah all the professors at hogwarts are pretty asexual like i had this thought the other day of none of them have husbands or wives you know like they're all just at the school teaching and that's their purpose they don't really The only one who has a romantic thing is like Hagrid with the headmistress of the French school. Yeah, Madame Maxime. But otherwise, all of them are just kind of like teachers. And that's it. It doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is. I haven't even seen like where any of them sleep. Yeah, yeah. Do you? I guess I haven't seen them. It's never like one scene that's in like Snape's bedroom. No, no. But it's kind of like, yeah, they don't even really mention it. Maybe there's just like...
a loft in each classroom that they teach out of. That's what, I mean, they always talk about their offices and they have a bunch of personal stuff in their offices, but they wouldn't sleep in their office. I mean, they're magic. They got tents that are like eight acres inside. I'm sure he can just like put a spell on a book and then like go sleep in a Winnie the Pooh book. Oh, sure. Yeah. Like Gumby. Well, you wouldn't see your teacher's houses in real life anyway. Okay. Just because my fifth grade teacher was my neighbor. Oh, okay. Never went inside of it. Yeah. I went trick-or-treating at her house. Nice. Good candy. Good. Do you have any insight as to how some things were filmed? Like how, maybe not, but how they made Hagrid look so big? Um.
but they had a body double for him and a lot of it like any of the shots of like Harry hugging Hagrid they wouldn't show his face and they'd just show it like the little Daniel Radcliffe hugging this giant and it was like just a very large guy that they would put in a wig in the same coat but then they put they would shoot I feel so bad I can't remember the actor's name they'd shoot Hagrid the actor on like boxes and stuff like that to make him look taller and they'd do special effects stuff too but yeah they did have a body double who was like a giant an actual giant well since we haven't really progressed past movie one here you wanted to yeah figure out what class is that the right word class i would belong to no your house we're gonna we're gonna find out right now what house what hogwarts house pete would belong to you already did this test i did this test i did it on pottermore and i'm a hufflepuff which is kind of like a want want because hufflepuffs there's nothing about them in any of the movies right they're just kind of there and they're known for being friendly and they're not known like okay so slytherin are known for being cunning and pretty i didn't think you were gonna say cunning
Slytherin are known for being cunning and tenacious. So they'll do whatever they can to get what they want. Gryffindor are brave and fearless. Ravenclaws are very, very smart. And Hufflepuff are friendly. You're one of the doormats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like I am in real life. I'm just a very nice person. So the Pottermore test is more in-depth than what you're... Yes, we're going to do a BuzzFeed quiz and we'll see. I have my own ideas of what Pete would be sorted into in the Harry Potter world. I don't want to tell you yet.
I'm going to give you the quiz first, and I'm going to see if I agree or not. Pottermore is this whole online society that J.K. Rowling sort of contributes to, right? I think she helped make it. She put her name on it or something? Yeah. Well, the cool thing about Pottermore is that through that, there's been a lot of releases of backstories of characters that you wouldn't have seen in the book. Every single teacher kind of has their own story of where they were born, how they grew up, and how they got to be at Hogwarts.
Unfortunately, I haven't read all of them and maybe someday I will. There's just such a saturation of Harry Potter facts and like fan fiction and sort of fan theories on the web that you could just get lost in it. I wouldn't be surprised if it just... escalates to the level of Star Wars as decades go by. Oh, yeah. I just don't see it dying. No, definitely not. They'll just keep expanding the universe. Anyway, didn't mean to interrupt, but just the difference between Pottermore and this BuzzFeed survey that you're going to have to do. Yeah, this BuzzFeed is going to, it's whatever. If I don't like the results, I can just be like, it's just BuzzFeed. Yeah, yeah. Just LOL on the bottom, whatever. Okay, so first, pick a candy. Chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Honeyduke's Sherbert Lemons, or Fizzy Whizzies? I want Honeyduke's Lemons. Okay, Lemons. Pick a pet, a lizard, a dog, a cat, or a ferret. A dog. A dog.
Pick a class, charms, potions, history of magic, or transfiguration. Whoa, that's making myself into different stuff? That's making things into different things, like making an animal into a cup. Could I do that with a potion? Probably. Potions. Okay. Nailed it, dude. If your friend cheated on a test, you would offer to help them study for the next one, offer to let them cheat off of your test next time, tell on them that's not fair, or ignore it. Oh, ignore it. Okay, good. That's what I picked too. Nice. Pick a color, pink, purple, white, or orange.
Purple. Okay. That's what I picked too. Oh, no. I'm going to be a fucking poor man, man. If you could only do one thing for the rest of your life, you would explore the world, start your own company, stay in school forever. You can never learn too much, right? Or start a family ASAP. Explore. Okay. Sorry. Pick a redhead. Arthur, Fred, Ron, or Ginny. I'll do the girl. Ginny. Yeah. I knew what her name was. There was only one girl, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, there's Molly Weasley too. But not in the question you just asked me. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. If you were going on vacation, you would go to London, the wilderness, home to my family, or the beach? Whose family?
Your family. My family? That's not a vacation. Okay, read them again. London, the wilderness, home to my family, or the beach. Okay, I'll pick the one place that's a real destination, London. Okay. The woods, a beach, your own family, or a city. I'll pick the city. This quiz is fucked. It's fucking BuzzFeed, dude. Your Patronus would be- I don't know what that means. Patronus is what, whenever Harry shoots the stag out of his wand, it protects him from the Dementors. Oh, okay. So it's like your animal, it's like your spirit guide, a spirit animal almost, yeah. Okay, would it be a panther, a fox, a hedgehog, or a cat? A hedgehog.
You're a big fan of Sonic. Blue hedgehog. A chaser on your Quidditch team drops the quaffle and there's... What the fuck did you just say? A chaser on your Quidditch team drops the Quaffle. This doesn't matter. And there's no way you'll be able to recover it. So it's basically your teammate fucks up. Why do I need to pick up the Quaffle? You don't. Listen. I don't listen. Okay, so your teammate fucks up. What do you do? Do you get frustrated and yell at them? Do you let it go? You win some, you lose some. Do you be passive aggressive about it after the game or try to fight the referee on it? I'll be passive aggressive. I think you're going to get the same results as me, Pete. Yeah, you're right. I just said passive aggressive. I'm going to be a goddamn Hufflepilf. Hufflepilf.
That's not what I got on this BuzzFeed quiz, by the way. On a Saturday night, you can be found at the movies or a concert, staying in with friends, bar hopping, or sleeping. Is this asking me questions as if I was a wizard? Because none of those things I feel like are wizarding. No, this is like your personality. This is me as me in this world, and that will tell me what I am in that world? Okay, reread the answers. At the movies or a concert, staying in with friends, bar hopping, or sleeping. Concerts. Okay.
Your mom sends a howler for something you didn't do wrong. You feel bad that you upset her. Wait, for something I didn't do wrong? You didn't do wrong. What does that mean? So she got mad at you for something that you didn't do wrong. You feel bad that you upset her, are embarrassed that everyone heard but don't really care that she's mad, write her back to let her know she's wrong, say she's crazy and you're obviously right. Yeah, I would say C. That question confuses me. Write her back and let her know she's wrong. Yeah. Okay, Harry.
You got Gryffindor. Oh, hell yeah. You know, Gryffindors, they're passive aggressive. You have the heart of a lion. You never give up, never back down and give everything 100%. See, I got Gryffindor on this quiz too. I don't feel like that's even accurate to the answers I just gave. No, I think you just get Gryffindor no matter what. Is that what you got? Yeah, I got Gryffindor and I'm a Hufflepuff for sure. I think that you would probably be, actually you could be a Gryffindor, but I also think you could be Ravenclaw because you like to learn, you like to research things that you're really interested in and you're just like witty and clever.
Do Ravenclaws do anything to help defeat Voldemort? Yes. Okay, that's fine then. All of them do. All of them, except Slytherin, because they are not. Because they're snake people. Most of them are, like, on the wrong side of things. History. Yeah, they're all, like, fans of dark magic, and I think that all of them are, like, purebloods who go into Slytherin. So it's basically, like, the rich kids. Oh, yeah, there's all this, like, blood stuff where they don't like people that are born to muggles and stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty hateful. It's...
it's crazy i mean i think that is it just pure hate or is there's do people with less pure wizard blood have less power no i mean that's the thing it's it's basically the equivalent of racism within our culture it's like you know people think that people who aren't of pure blood or pure magic background by mixing your blood with muggles you are like lessening the power of a pure wizard but it's not true like they even say it i think this is something they talk about in the third no maybe the second book but like Hermione gets really upset because both of her parents are non-magic and she's like their only child and she's magic. Yeah. And they call her mudblood, meaning she has like dirty blood. It's an awful word in their society. And yeah, I mean, it's a terrible thing to say to somebody, but she gets really upset. There's a whole scene where Hagrid's like, are you kidding me? Hermione, you're the smartest wizard. You are like of non-magic parents. There's no way any of that could be true. Like most of the powerful wizards are not like are not pure blood. Dan just took the quiz and he got Gryffindor 2. This thing is rigged. What answers did you give there, Dan? Child of frogs.
Charms. A dog. Ignore it. Orange. Company. Dude, these are like, there's enough different answers that you should not also be Gryffindor. Right? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. If anybody can take this BuzzFeed quiz and get something other than Gryffindor, please let us know. Yeah, let me know. Post on the Facebook group. Jesus. We want to know because we need to like get some money on BuzzFeed. Seriously. Because I wouldn't have pegged Dan as, maybe as a Gryffindor actually, but I feel like anybody has the potential to be a Gryffindor because it's just about like being a good person and stepping up to the plate whenever things are rough. Yeah. But also you could be like a Ravenclaw probably. You could be a nerd too, man.
It could be a knowledge thirster. I was going to say something and I forgot. Oh, man. Movie two. Yeah. What happens? What's this movie about again? Wait. What's it called? Oh, The Chamber of Secrets. Chamber of Secrets. Did we see Tom Riddle in this movie? Yeah. Okay. That's what I was going to say. Oh, okay. That's what I was going to say. Oh, I was curious about this. Something about this too, but you start. Okay. So what I was going to say, this is the whole like blood issue of like pure blood and everything. Voldemort is not a pure blood wizard. I think it's like kind of a self-hate thing because he... Dude, that's so Hitler. Right? Yeah.
His dad is a muggle and his mother was magic. And then they had Tom Riddle and he's like basically ignored that whole version of that truth and just thinks that like pure blood's the best. He basically is like angry at his own father. That's why he changes his name too. He's angry at his own father for like dirtying his blood. So it's so gross. His name is very clearly illustrated to be an anagram as well in that movie. It's just like a Wheel of Fortune clue that they like.
I am Lord Voldemort. I'd like to solve the puzzle. I am Lord Voldemort. You want to trip to the third movie? Yeah, well, okay, just on that topic, I think the really cool thing about these books is they are for kids, but they kind of grow as the characters. Yeah, yeah. But they tackle real issues kind of under these veiled metaphors. Like the book that I'm reading right now, the fifth book, is very...
political and it seems like a lot of the issues that are addressed in the wizarding worlds are things that we in our world are dealing with and it's just like masked under this magical world but it's very political yeah it's all about sweeping bad things under the rug so that the public doesn't freak out that's pretty cool and denying the truth and it's like pretty messed up hearing a lot about that even in movies lately too with wag the dog and stuff yeah just like how the government lies to us all the time yeah the wizards have their own government that's also like corrupt yeah so There you go. Makes sense. They're still human, huh? Yeah. I had asked you before the podcast, but I think this is a valid question. I just watched the fourth movie, and he comes back, Voldemort, comes back to life out of a cauldron. And he's super ugly. He doesn't have a nose. He just has nasal slits on his face. And then they show Tom Riddle, and he's just a regular boy. So my question was,
Does that like super, super classic witch process of resurrection make him look all messed up like he's a baby man? Or did he look like that before he killed Harry's parents? He looked like that while he was still alive before he killed Harry's parents. Like dark magic has turned him into looking like an absolute monster to where he's not even human anymore. So dark arts is like magic meth.
kind of but you're more powerful yeah but it like deteriorates you it's the more you use it yeah it messes yeah it messes with your soul to the point that you become less human the more that you use it that's why it's like not really uh accepted in the wizardry community but that's something like um they don't really do that they don't go into detail about that in the movies that's something that they would talk about more in the book like i don't really know how they would have explained that to me in the movie without just being like hey guys yeah he looks weird because he used bad magic right i guess it could be a flashback at some point they like the sixth book they talk a lot about voldemort's backstory it's it's one of my favorite books yeah one of my favorite movies is the third movie but my favorite book is probably i mean my yeah my favorite book is the sixth book but they talk a lot about voldemort's backstory and they kind of show like him physically deteriorating as he gets more and more turning into Voldemort and less and less into Tom Riddle. So, I mean, that's something we can probably talk about on the second half of this podcast in a little bit more detail eventually whenever we do it. But yeah, I mean, that's a good observation. I think the only movies I am confident now, I'm pretty sure I've not seen the sixth book movie or either of the seventh book movies. I'm pretty sure I saw five because I remember them being on like a swing set in London and a storm coming through and stuff happening. I may have seen the sixth movie, but I don't think so. I saw like a battle.
between Voldemort and Harry and like a bank or something at the end of a movie I don't know if that's five or six that you're probably thinking of the fifth one okay I think that's all I've seen and I have not read any of those books everything I know about the rest of the movies is hearsay from my dad who has read all the books I'm not surprised that you stopped at the fifth one because that was my least favorite book and movie that's the one that I'm reading right now and I'm hoping maybe reading the fifth book will make me like it a little bit more this time but it was very there's no big action in it as far as I'm concerned well there's some stuff at the end that's pretty important but overall the book is just frustrating but anyway I would love to hear what you think is going to happen in the last, like, do you have any predictions for the end of the movies or things that you think are going to happen or things that you know are going to happen? So let's start with what I know. Yeah. Because my dad has explained to me the concept of horcruxes. Okay. That Voldemort somehow divided his soul into seven pieces. And that.
so i guess i don't really know what happens because it's like they have to destroy the horcruxes but i thought that like that's how they brought him back to life was like putting them back together again but apparently not there's like these seven things that are scattered that if they break them he'll just like cease to exist or something that's about as clear as of an understanding as i have as the rest of the movie so i don't know if they trap him in a box again or something or if they actually kill him or like he's invulnerable until the horcruxes are gone or what i don't know yeah There's a lot of moving pieces to it, too. It is complicated to try and explain to somebody who hasn't read or seen the movies. My prediction is they kill him or trap him in a thing. Maybe trap him so they can make 12 more movies someday. I'm most curious about Snape. I have not had that ruined for me. Pete, you're going to love it. Maybe at some point somebody said something to me, but I don't remember. So I think he's a good guy. I'm like 98% sure that he's a good guy, but I don't know.
what he did or where he came from. I know that he used to be a Death Eater. Yeah. Because I saw that scene in the fourth movie where they're at, I watched the end of it at work so I didn't watch it super closely. Peter. But that's when Kilgrave came out as Couch Jr. Crouch. Whatever. And then the guy was like, Severus Snipes is a Death Eater. And Dumbledore's like, he was, he's over it, dude. And then the son came out. Yeah, he's like a spy for our side. That's all I know. Yeah. You're going to love it. They go into his whole backstory, I want to say in this, I hope it's not in the last movie, but he, I love in the last half of the movies.
you get to see more and more of Snape's character and he's a larger part of the series. And in the first few, he's just kind of like a background guy. They even tried to make him like kind of a comical character in the fourth movie. He's like pulling up his sleeves and shoving their heads and it's just like, dude, like that's not what he's about. He's like a dark, mysterious guy and you made him into like a funny person. Whatever. You gotta have jokes in there, babe. You gotta have classic jokes like pushing a dude's head into his book. Yeah. But I think like who so far is your favorite character that you've seen? I mean, Snape is just...
Alan Rickman is incredible. Yeah. He's amazing. Yeah. I like Ron's older brothers. Fred and George. The tricksters. Yeah, they're great. Hopefully they don't get slaughtered. Yeah, they do. I'm pretty sure they get. I'm staying silent. I'm not going to tell you anything. I would love that if in the last movie they did something intensely gory from like The Thing or something where he just does one of the curses and his brain like turns inside out. Everyone's just horrified. That's creepy. Pretty awesome. I said to Renee, Dan, that they should put Voldemort in the Mortal Kombat game. He'd be great in it.
flicking twist or whatever they say and the dude's spine comes out of his neck. That would be really cool. And he jumps rope with it. And he eats a chocolate frog. He's a very powerful wizard so he could just you could press like three buttons and he'd just be like Avada Kedavra and the guy would just die. Yeah. And he'd be like What's that?
Oh. Sauron, yeah. Lord of the Rings I've seen even less of than Harry Potter. I feel like that's something my mom was always like, oh, you love Harry Potter? You're going to love The Hobbit. And I tried to read it. I was like, this sucks. Like, I just never got into that. It's huge. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I like Game of Thrones because you turned it on to me. And I mean, I guess there's more. I read all those books too before I saw the show. Yeah. We could talk about that. The couple things that I then saw the movie for. The first thing was Watchmen. Yes. I don't. Somebody convinced me that Watchmen was an amazing book. So I actually read it. It's the only comic book graphic novel that I've ever read front to back. Yeah. And I loved it.
And there were some things that happened in the movie that I wasn't thrilled with. But then I started to realize like it's just not going to be the same. The other thing is by Stephen King, 11, 22, 63, which they just made into the Hulu series. And it's good. I would read that book. The book. Yeah, I might read that after I finish Harry Potter's. Before I even knew that they were going to make it into a show. I read this like three years ago when I was working at Portrait Innovations in Rochester. I read it in the closet on lunch breaks. It's probably one of my top three books I've ever read. It's super, super cool because there's so many different kinds of stories that happen in it. It's a science fiction book. It's a...
There's also a huge love story in the middle of the book when he's just living in the past as a teacher and he falls in love with another teacher. That's a huge chunk of the book. You actually watched that episode with me where they condensed like 300 pages into two minutes because they just showed like prom 61, prom 62, prom 63. I'm like, okay, there goes a huge chunk of the book. We have to do that. Yeah, I read an interview with the producer, which this would be cool for you to read too. We could post this somewhere of like how she decided what was important to tell and what couldn't be and how it was originally supposed to be four hours.
made it into eight yeah she's just like there's would just be no at a certain point there's no reason to tell the story because there's just incoherent details to make an okay show I mean can you imagine if it was the time where miniseries were like a big thing like they are now and they tried to do that with Harry Potter it would be crazy can you imagine if Harry Potter was an HBO TV show that was just like 10 seasons long it'd be so fucking good I mean I love the Netflix and HBO world right now but Marvel TV shows I know I kind of forced you to watch some of them but we watched almost all of Jessica Jones we trade off like you know I have my things and you have yours and usually it's not much of a protest to get either of us to watch either of our things I'm obsessed with Daredevil right now I just think even not Marvel stuff, that format of releasing an entire season on one day, I think it's such a more effective way of telling a story. Like you get...
it's tiring to tune into a show for eight weeks in a row at the same time. I know everybody has a DVR and stuff, but just being able to watch it when you're free and that's the way it was intended to be watched is pretty cool. Yeah. Well, and it's like, I feel like there's these devices that they use in a serialized show that comes on weekly of like a big cliffhanger or like every episode has to end with a surprise. And this is like an episode can end and kind of be like, and then you just go on to the next one and it continues the story. It doesn't have to like conclude like it would in a.
hour-long show anymore because it's like no we have another episode right after this you can keep watching if you want to or you can take a break go to sleep come back and we'll start right back where we were it's great there's a lot of movies now that I wish like oh man I hate that they remake everything but it would be cool if they made this into a Netflix show I'd say one of one of my favorite things about watching the Harry Potter movies with you and watching like Game of Thrones as a like similar thing is that I get so nerdy and you know it would probably annoy most people but you're very patient I will pause whatever's happening and explain the whole backstory to you so you understand the full context of what's happening and I know I don't have to like you could probably glean off of what was going on and have some sense of what was happening but I just have to be like okay so listen in the book this this this and this I have to do that a lot for Game of Thrones because I feel like it doesn't make sense. I appreciate it because, like you said, you read and I don't. So when we watch stuff that you've read the book for, there are things that they'll show that literally don't seem important at all. And then you'll pause and be like, this actually is important. They might not explore it, but this happens and it informs you. So I appreciate it. I am working up the courage to touch you on the leg sometimes and be like, I can figure this out. At a certain point, I'm like, I'll be able to figure this out. I don't need this much detail. But for Game of Thrones, because there's a million goddamn storylines, it's nice to have.
additional insight and also remember what somebody's name is in that show yeah although now it's everything sort of crossing over together so it's almost like there's less storylines yeah together well next time we watch a Harry Potter movie together I will not pause it you can pause it whenever you need if you're confused and you can turn to me and ask me questions there we go okay but sometimes there's things that I wouldn't know yeah be like you know they'll show like a butterfly for three seconds I wouldn't be like does that butterfly mean anything you're the one that knows like that's a symbol that's their you know elk thing whatever I don't know yeah no it's not I mean for the most part they were right and not really explaining it but I do think that there's certain things in the movies that are just for people who've read the books yeah like I can't imagine I can't imagine it any other way I'm just too curious of a person that I need to know what everything means so that's why I want to read the book before I watch a movie of it like I did that with The Godfather like the first movie I ever watched on this show I mean on this podcast it's like because I read the book I read The Shining after I watched the movie yeah it was pretty cool they're very different I know Stephen King doesn't like the Stanley Kubrick Shining movie because they're so different I read The Shining too it's really cool dude my parents have read
every Stephen King book. And I used to be like, I don't know. And then I read a couple. I'm like, no, they're pretty good. I've never read a Stephen King book, but my mom is obsessed with them. We should go to a bookstore and get 11, 22, 63. Pretty sure I lent it to a friend like four years ago and I never got it back and I want it. So we should go buy it. I think you'd love it. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Anyway, his books are great. I'm trying to think of anything. Oh, this is why I brought it up is that in that show, they reference a lot of other movies and books. And I've only read like three or four Stephen King books, but in the last episode of 11, 22, 63, when they're running up to stop.
lee harvey oswald red rum is written on the wall and i looked it up and there's like characters from other movies are in that show um what's the one with all the kids not it but um god damn it i don't know you're looking at me like i'm gonna have the answer but there's a movie that is about a bunch of kids in the 60s children of the corn nope um i mean yes but those kids grown up are in 11 22 63 pretty cool crossover stuff yeah crazy anyway that was super relevant yeah i'm a host this time doesn't matter i don't have to make excuses for what i'm talking about i'm doing a great job looking on my papers here I don't have papers either. Neither of us do. What else do we need to bring up? This is a two-part series, so we can not have a cliffhanger this time. I'll tell you about some of my favorite moments and my favorite character from Harry Potter. I always, like, I seem to have a different favorite every time I reread the books or see the movies again. Because we're at a different stage in life. Yes. You connect with different people. Yes. So my favorite now is Molly Weasley. She's the mother of all the Weasley kids. And you'll see, I mean, not so much in the movies, but in the books, they really explore her character. And I like that she is...
Her biggest goal in life was to just be a mom. And it's not like a thing to look down on. It's like she's the best mom that she can be. She takes care of her kids. She cooks for them all the time. She is fiercely protective of all of them to the point that you read the book and she does these things that are like, she's just a fierce mom. Oh my God. Well, we'll talk about it in the next one. I'm looking forward to seeing maybe who your favorite character is this time when you finish all the movies. Maybe there'll be somebody else. Well, and the reason I like the thing that you can see from the movies that we've watched so far is that.
She immediately is like, Harry's one of my kids. Like the first Christmas that they show in the first Harry Potter movie. Harry wakes up and looks at his presents and is like I've never gotten presents before because he's lived with these this family who does not give a crap about him they just spoiled their real son and he wakes up and has yeah I mean whatever but like they he wakes up and he's got all these presents and it's from like Molly makes him a sweater that she makes for all of her kids she just meets him one time and is like poor kid he doesn't have any like real parents let me make him a sweater he's one of my kids now I want him to stay with my family I'm gonna feed him a lot of food and buy him presents and like you know spoil him because he's never been spoiled in his life by his family and she's like She just takes him under his wing and gives him so much love. And she's not even his real mom. Your mom has kind of been like that with me. I don't think she realizes, you know, my parents didn't make me live under the stairs. I have great parents too, but she does the same kind of thing. She can't help it. She's a lover. She's very sweet. She's done that with like all of my friends growing up. She's just like the nicest person and just wants to show you that you're loved. Yeah. I admire that. You know, it's something that I hope I can do. Well, Renee, I'd like to thank you for being on your podcast today. Thank you for having me. Is there anything you want to plug that's upcoming after this releases next Wednesday?
Today? Well, the pool will be over by then. But I will plug this show. I mean, you're listening to it. That's great. Keep doing that. Subscribe to it on iTunes. Like it on Facebook. Write a review. The reviews have been so nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've gotten some really great reviews. Well, to hear more episodes of Bad at Movies or for any other podcast that's great, just like this one, you can go ahead and log on to Second Wind Collective. That's the theme song that we just recorded. It's for the Second Wind Collective.
I'd like to thank our producer, Dan Schiffmacher, and the guest and usual host of the show, Renee Berry. Thank you. Now, as you are aware, we usually do end the show with a review from our somewhat harsh elderly critics, Morty and Ava. Yeah. Ava's in the hospital. She's okay. She's okay. She took a little dip, a little spill. She's got a little bruised pelvis, but she will not be here today. But Morty has driven himself over here. Oh, okay. And I don't know if you want to talk to him. It's not usually what we do, but you are the guest today. I can't wait. They never talk to me. Yeah, I know. They're pretty in and out usually. They just talk to each other, but here he is.
Hello, my dear. How are you? Hi, Mr. Rosenblum. Thanks for coming. We never talk. I know. We never communicate. You guys, you know, usually I just kind of give up my mic and we barely say a word to each other because you guys are just in and out. We've got to be in and out. We have a lot of things to do. We're an elderly couple. A lot of people think that we don't have much to do, but we're always very busy trying to keep our home looking nice. Good for you. You don't want to be an old person that has a dirty home because then they really say, what do you do all day? Yeah. No, I hear you. I mean, I appreciate you taking your time out, taking time out of your schedule to come here and review movies for us. It's very, very, very generous of you. Well, Ava's in the old Kroenken house. Yeah. Is she going to be okay? I don't know.
Okay. We could use some time apart, I'll be honest with you. What? I mean, it's been 57 years. Trying to spend 57 years with anyone, you might need a couple days apart from each other. It's not a bad thing. You're going to have to learn that. You're young. You're not going to be in love every day. Oh. I mean, you're in love forever, but you're not in love every day. Okay. My God. It's impossible. Name something that you've loved every day. Chocolate.
I've been proven wrong. But Ava is not an inanimate piece of chocolate. She's a human being with ups and downs. I have ups and downs. That's true. Sometimes those sine waves and cosine waves interrupt each other. You know what I mean? If chocolate complained about its feet hurting, then I'd probably be like, shut up, chocolate. Rub your own feet. God damn it. Yeah. I'd just eat the chocolate and be done with it. My God. It's a non sequitur. It's not really a non sequitur. I just don't like candy commercials these days. Why not? Because it's incoherent, babbling, wild nonsense, and then they ask me to buy the candy. Oh, yeah. I mean, they're like pretty absurd nowadays, like Skittles commercials and Starburst and all that. I feel like every art form eventually just descends into chaos.
We used to paint people. We used to paint landscapes. And now it's just throw some color on a canvas and hang it up. And you have to interpret it. You should not have to interpret anything. Human beings communicate. I'm sorry that those commercials- You're checking your phone while you're talking to me? I was making sure it was on silent. My God. I'm sorry. I really am. You don't agree with me? You don't think- I mean, how long am I supposed to look at a piece of art before I can just say that I got something out of it? Whenever I go to a museum, I usually just take three seconds to look at a painting and then go, and then move on to the next one. Three seconds. Yeah. That's how long it takes me to take a good look at it.
On to the next one. Three seconds is enough time for you to understand anything. And yet, you watching four movies for one podcast was daunting. I don't understand how that comparison was made. I'm sorry. I mean, it's just that, you know, movies and film are a form of art, and you and Ava seem to not like it so much. Like, why don't you review art pieces? I could. We probably should. We should go to an art museum and write two sentences about every, quote, painting that we see on the wall. I would love to hear that. I would love to hear what you guys would think of, like, I don't know, anything in the Museum of Science and Industry. They don't really have painting. That's the opposite of an art museum. I've never been to an art museum.
How dare you judge me if you've never even been to an army sale? I'm too busy watching these stupid movies. What we would do is we would go in and we would rent the earphones and we'd plug in underneath each painting so we could have some sort of understanding of this cosmic mess that's on the wall. Good for you. Usually I have my wife here with me. She drives a conversation and I just bounce off of her. This is much harder on my own. Well, what do you think of Harry Potter?
I don't know why they worship him like a god. I don't think he does either. What? He doesn't know why? He doesn't know why, because as far as we can see so far, he hasn't done anything too great. He just kind of survived. Maybe he's the most relatable character. I didn't even realize it. He was just a baby. He doesn't know why he lived. They're treating him like he's something special. Yeah, he's just a student like everybody else. I mean, Hermione's a better student than him, so he can't be that great of a wizard yet. Maybe Moldemort just didn't know that he was in the crib. Did he say Moldemort? That's his name, right? You're not even allowed to say it. How am I supposed to keep track of characters in a movie if we're not even allowed to know what their name is? Moldemort. Who's that?
The guy that you're talking about. It's okay. I don't think so. All right. I think you misunderstood what they're talking about. You're probably right. I'm wrong. I'm totally wrong. I read the book and it said Moldemort. Maybe you read a different version of the book with things like fancy spellings, but in America we call him Moldemort. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I did read the British one, so they probably did change it. That's on me. Moldemort is the best name I've ever heard. Yeah. It's the most evil name I've ever heard. It's got the word mold in it, so. And Mort. Mort. I think you'd like that. That's kind of your name. It's me. I'm evil. Moldemortimer. Moldemort. I could show you the Moldemort I have on my foot right now. No, thank you. We don't speak of it. It's evil.
The longer it practices dark arts, the worse it looks. You wouldn't even recognize it as a foot at this point. It looks like I stepped straight out of a cauldron and put my high socks on and went to the hospital. You should probably go to the hospital. Not only to check on Ava, but to get that mold situation. I don't like the smell of hospitals. A lot of people think hospitals smell like old people. They don't. Old people smell fine. We just spend a lot of time in hospitals. The day a hospital opens, it smells like that. You smell like mouthwash. Thank you. And clean laundry. I don't like to use body wash. I don't think it works very well. So I bathe in mouthwash. That doesn't sting.
It does. The sting says it's working. Okay. That was a good commercial. They made fun of them. Have you seen that commercial for Listerine? No. It's an old man defying the gentleman, and he tells his grandson, the burn says it's working. And they criticize him for being an old fool, and they introduce him to Listerine that doesn't have alcohol in it, and it doesn't work. And they expect you to pay more money for it because it doesn't hurt your mouth when you switch it around. It's no pain, no gain, that's what I say, and it comes to oral hygiene as well. Okay, well. What do you rate the movie? Which one?
What do you rate all of them? The first one gets half a star. The second one gets a quarter of a star. Okay. The third one gets half a star. And the fourth one gets two stars. I like the fourth one. Out of how many? Out of how many stars? 38. Oh, okay. Well, maybe you'll like the second half better. I doubt it. Okay. That's fine. I use the Richter scale of cinema.
The Richter scale. That's right. Andy Richter's scale. Who's that? I'm talking about earthquakes. Oh, okay. How much it rattles me to the core is how high the score I give it. Oh, okay. Yeah. That actually does make sense. If it's a very good movie, you get an aftershock and you think about it later in the night. Yeah. If it's a good high up Richter scale movie, you go, oh, remember when we watched that movie? That was fun. That's a good movie. I've never had that with any of the movies we've watched for this podcast. Oh, that's a shame. Including Barry Hodder. Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Well, I don't know about the Richter scale. Clearly.
Yeah, but on the Andy Richter scale, I'd give the first movie a 3 out of 5. I'd give the second movie a 3 out of 5. I'd give the third a 5 out of 5. And I'd give the fourth movie a 4.5 out of 5. What is it with you people? You never give these movies good scores. A 3 out of 5 is barely passing. Mr. Rosenblum, I am...
watching these movies as a whole and I like some of the movies more than I like the others. And it wouldn't be fair to the movies that I really like to rate them on the same scale of the ones that I don't like as much. Not only are you making me watch one movie that you don't think is that good, you're making me watch eight movies that you don't think are that good. You guys can quit whenever you want. We can't. We have nothing else to do. Oh, okay. Well then, thanks for coming and reviewing the movie even though you hate it. I didn't hate it. I gave it a quarter out of 38 stars. Alright. That's safe. That's a safe movie to watch.
I gotta go. I have a wife in the hospital. Why are you keeping me here? I'm sorry. Tell her safe recovery and I'm sorry that she hurt her hip. I can't lie to her. What? I mean, I'm not sorry that she hurt her hip. Tell her I said that. Oh, I'm always thinking about me. Tell her the hostess of bad at movies. She won't know what I'm talking about. Okay, well then, bye, I guess. I'll just tell her a nice lady said hello and she'll be thrilled. Oh, great. I'm nice. That's good to know. All right, I gotta go. I'm gonna walk. All right. I crashed the car on the way over here. Love you. What? What? Bye. Bye.