Tylen Tiptoejoo.com. The podcast about pop culture, black history, and spirituality. It's about to be a great part. Dr.
Tum. Gonna take it away. Tylen Tiptoejoo. Hey y'all, hey.
Thank you for joining me for another edition of Tylen Tiptoejoo. Today is kind of funny for me. I am recording. Well, I had plans, excuse the noise, my Yeti is my microphone is at a commission.
And so I have it on just open recording and my dog is tearing up stuff. Sorry. But today is kind of special because even though it's my new recording day, Mondays, so a new podcast is going to be coming out today anyway, today's recent events in my own personal life are going to shape what I'm talking about today. And I'm not going to apologize for that because I truly believe that there are no coincidences in life and things happen the way they're supposed to.
So today, I want to talk to you about a woman's work and a woman's worth. Originally, I had no intentions of touching, not even remotely touching. Monique's call for boycotting Netflix. I really didn't want to do that for a couple of reasons.
But number one, the most important reason was because I knew I wasn't going to boycott Netflix. So I didn't want to be on here talking through things and appearing hypocritical or anything like that because I never intended to boycott Netflix. I think that Netflix does good work in show casing, some shows that otherwise wouldn't reach the audience, it reaches the Netflix stuff like Mudbone and I'm not sure Negro, but I think what I think are important documentaries, films, etc. Not to mention the African Nollywood movies that I get to watch on Netflix.
I didn't want to touch the subject because I didn't want to get into the debate of whether or not we should be boycotting. I'm not convinced that Netflix deserves a boycott at this point. However, on social media, what I have observed among overwhelmingly men is not even a discussion of the boycott. It has morphed into some sort of discussion around Monique's value and the way she is being discussed in social media by folks on my timeline and maybe my timeline is different from yours.
I hope so because the foolishness I'm seeing between yesterday and today has really put me in, y'all know my favorite word, a mood. I was trying to think of a better word to use, but I can't think of one, I'm in a mood. I can't describe to you what the mood, well I'm going to describe to you what the mood is, but it's somewhere between her and disappointment, defeat. I like to say I ain't got no give up in me, but there's something here today that feels a little bit like give up.
I'm going to tell you more about what I mean in a second on that. You know, if you listen to one of my older podcasts, I can't remember which one, but it was about the women's training, women's executive training workshop I went to for a couple of days up in Atlanta and during the workshop we talked about negotiations and I argued in that podcast that I don't think black women in particular are trying to negotiate our value well because we are socialized in this country to accept what is given to us. And part of what I think is happening, a part of what I hear happening in social media, I don't think that many folks outside of black women see our value and that hurts to say that out loud, right? And what hurts is that some of these people, and I'm going to unpack what I mean in just a second, but some of these people I don't think they're aware of what their rhetoric is revealing about them.
Here's what I mean. Okay, so the first incident that I encountered was one of my girlfriends, one of my dears, one of my best friends on her page had a picture of Gary Owen basically making light of this Monique situation, right? He was implying that she was reaching, right? And so there was this debate in the comments read about whether or not it's okay for this white man to make fun of Monique demanding her worth.
What I hear what I kept hearing brothers say was, she doesn't deserve more than what she's asking for. This is her ego, she doesn't deserve more than what she's asking for because she hadn't had this thing come out in years, right? She hasn't had, well, precious came out, got it's, uh, Oscar in 2010, right? It came out what, 2009, 2009.
Um, but even the case, she won an Oscar. She's an Oscar award winning Screen Actors Guild Award. Um, and to be offered that much less than her male and white counterparts is problematic. Now, if you can't recognize that that that's problematic, uh, I'll have a hold for you, but that is problematic that she is decorated.
Now I'm not getting into argument about whether or not she's the most decorated. I do know though, let me, let me just, cause I did look at her, hold on. Because some of these brothers talking about she ain't worth this did not take the time to look at what I looked up, which is what awards had she received. Um, that she's claiming as the most decorated.
So hold on just a second. Uh, I have a screen shot here. Hold on. All right, here we go.
So she got, and this is not all of them. This is just a screenshot of the ones that come up with you Google her awards. She got Academy Award for Best Actress, um, in, uh, supportive role in 2010 for Precious. She got a Golden Globe Award.
She got a BAFTA Award, Screen Actors Guild, NAACP image award. She got two of those Independent Spirit Awards, Satellite Award, Critics Choice, Movie Award, New York Film Critics, uh, Circle Award, National Society of Film Critics Award, BET Award for Best Actress, et cetera, et cetera. So the sister ain't no joke, right? So whether or not you think she's funny, cause that was, I was cheating that funny, whether or not you think she's funny, she is a decorated comedian.
Now, I'm not getting into the argument about whether or not she's best decorated. I can say this. And then y'all say she ain't had no hit in 20 years, but we act like Chappelle didn't just come back on the scene and get millions off rent, right? And he don't have the awards that Monique has.
I'm just saying, if we're talking about a disparity that is obviously a disparity between what he was offered, what Amy Schumer was offered and what Monique was offered. There is a disparity there. So for you to act like this is all her ego, you're not looking at, I mean just simple mathematics, right? And then one of the sites came out in coside and she was offered even less of Monique.
So, you know, whatever, even if you don't think Monique is funny, damn sure both of them together, I'm funnier than Amy Schumer. Um, but I'm getting off track. So, we know that there was grounds for her to demand more money, right? So, why all of a sudden there are people saying that this is her ego asking for more?
I'm dumbfounded. I am dumbfounded and I have looked for excuses for why y'all think she should not be entitled to ask for what she perceives as her worth. I'm also dumbfounded that you think you get to decide what her monetary value is. Okay, let me tell you, I was at a conference one time a couple of years ago and one of our elder activists said that black people have to be very careful because when they am asked a little bit of power, they tend to turn into what their oppressors taught them to be oppressors, right?
So, when we have conversations with white people about white privilege, I've seen the same brothers who are on my timeline cutting up today, I've seen you confront white privilege. So, I know you understand that a member of an external group never gets to predict the value of the group that they don't belong to. You don't get to do that. You don't have that privilege to tell me what my humanity is worth.
Yet and still y'all are turning around and saying people that I've seen y'all do it. I turn around and using the same kind of rhetoric that the dominant group used against you. Like you can't see that. I don't know if you can't, I'm trying to hold up a mirror for y'all.
I did the A.K. mirror. That's so funny, but y'all can't see it. I'm trying to hold up a mirror for y'all, but you're not recognizing it.
You don't as a man get to determine for a woman what her worth is. I don't know how else to say that. You don't get to determine that. So, I'm okay with you having the discussion again.
I'll have that discussion all day with you all night, whether or not we should be boycotting Netflix. I don't think we should. Right? So, I don't want you to misconstrue what I'm saying here.
I'm not boycotting Netflix. I never intended to. But what I won't sit silent about is you thinking that you get to determine a woman's worth and when she gets to exert her perception of her worth. Okay?
Even if you think Monique is wrong in what she perceives her worth to be, you saying she shouldn't say that is crazy to me. That's that she blows my mind. That you think you have the privilege to tell her when she should ask for what she deems is her worth. Let me tell you what that looks like to me.
When I hear people say, don't ask your boss for what you think your worth. I hear a shucking and jiving negro. I don't want to think that's what y'all are, but I want to pull up the window. I mean, the mirror.
If you, let's say your boss gives the white woman that sits across from you a $10 raise, $10 an hour raise. And in your own mind, you already know you do more work than her. You know you've won more awards than her. Why wouldn't you go negotiate with your supervisor for more?
Like, if you sit down and take that, I'm going to call you a punk. Like that's some, you use some cowardly type lion shit, do you? Well, I mean, if you let somebody who you perceive as less than you or aren't even footing with you, make more, much, much more than you make. And you just sit there and take it and don't say nothing.
Like, I don't understand that. I really don't understand that. You deserve to make less if you keep your mouth shut. So why would you have a, this is her job, right?
And in her job, she's saying, you pay this person who I deem as my equivalent or somewhere around my equivalent, much more than you offer me. There's a problem. I don't understand how you don't see how that is a legitimate segment to make to the person who's paying you. And let me say this for those of you who act like time matters.
Let's say, um, God forbid you get injured on your job and you have to sit at home for a year. When you come back to work, do you really think your supervisor should be entitled to pay you minimum wage while everybody else is making 50,000 simply because you took some time off or you had some time off? That doesn't even make, see how it doesn't even make logical sense? Like y'all making some illogical arguments.
And I think at the root of your logical fallacies is the subconscious belief that black women should not be vocal about what they are worth because as a society across the board in the United States, we are socialized to believe that they ain't worth too much or nothing. Mama Zora said black women in the mules of the world and I don't think that's changed too much. Like God forbid this black woman. And don't let me add the fact on top of that.
This fat black woman who you don't see as sexy says that I'm worth some shit. Some of y'all can't hear that because you stuck on some subconscious stuff. And it hurts me. Let me tell you what also hurts me that I have been watching and I haven't said too much about but I'm gonna say it today.
Um, when Cosby's accusers, especially those who are women of color came forward, black men had all kind of jokes about these women, could not hear the possibility that yes, he had taken advantage of all of these women. The same brothers who were making jest of that defending Cosby, I see you in your hashtag me too. I see you acting like you support this movement. I didn't see you in Cosby's accusers came forward.
And I damn sure didn't see you in Toronto Burke first came up with the hashtag. But now that the movement has been associated with white woman victimhood, all of a sudden you can see what was there before anyway. See, let me tell you why I cried during Oprah's Golden Globe speech when she talked about Reesey Taylor because Reesey Taylor is not an anomaly, meaning she was not the only one. Most of us who have grandparents and other relatives who were forced to work as domestic workers to keep their families afloat, many of them have stories of being sexually assaulted and abused by the white men around them.
Reesey Taylor was not an anomaly. Of the women I know personally, many of us have our hashtag me too, moments. Most of us do. And we have never felt comfortable sharing those moments with our brothers.
One because we seek to protect you, like I didn't tell, or I'm about to tell myself, I didn't tell some of my stories to my father because I was afraid of him confronting a person in an up in judicial constraints. But the other reason is who was going to believe us? Some of us got our own stories. We still ain't told nobody because who's going to believe us, right?
Who do we matter to? So I've seen that happen and it's added up. And then when Shane moisture did, that Shane moisture when they went from your population of consumers being black women and then you make an ad appealing to other people. When black women were upset and hurt by that, I'll never forget that it was black men telling us it wasn't a big deal.
I know what that felt like. I know what it felt like when the dog had happened and black men telling us that wasn't a big deal. I know what that felt like. And now I'm seeing no sane black men up in arms about the H&M ad.
They couldn't see why our sisters were upset when it was us being a victim. But they can be upset about a little black boy. See, there's some pathology there. We got to unpack.
Why was it okay for your sisters to be mistreated but not a little black boy? Like what is that about? I saw that happen. So I saw the Me Too thing.
I saw the Cosmere Qsas. I see those ads and now I see how you do it Monique and I'm scared. Like that's part of this move too. I'm scared.
Like I have never, anybody who knows me, that's why I'm so vocal about not being a feminist because I don't ever want a question that I'm in it 100% for my brothers. Anybody who knows me knows I ride and die for black men. I believe in black men. My daddy's a black man.
I don't love nobody on the face of this earth one and I love my nephews. So I ride and die for black men. Some of my best friends are black men. I don't want to give up.
I don't want to give up. But I'm starting to wonder if the special ones among you are the exception and not the rule. Let me tell you, I was in a kind of good place last week. It was raining a little bit and my tire pressure since it came on in the car.
So I had to pull the gas station to get some air and when I pulled up it was a guy in a truck. And I already didn't want to get out the car because I know it was cold and wet last week. Really cold. But I was going to get out and pump my tire, whatever.
But when he saw me getting ready to get out the car he said, I don't know since I got you. And I was like, well damn, it's still some good black man in the world. And then when he finished, he came around the car and he was like, yeah, I saw your AKA tag. My wife's AKA.
She would kill me if I didn't take care of you. So then I was like, okay, so did you really take care of me because I'm just a black woman? Or did you take care of me because I'm your wife's sister? I mean, but I felt good that day.
I felt good because I was like, okay, there's still some of us out here. And I had some conversations with one of my best friends who's a guy. And I was like, yeah, you know, I know my brothers are good man. My daddy's a good man.
My best friend. You know, I know his brothers out here still doing the work. I see some posts from some of the people on my social media. I'm like, he's a good priest.
They doing the work and taking care of black women spiritually and emotionally. And then shit like today happens. I don't ever want to give up on my brothers. But today I'm tired.
Like I'm tired today. People I thought should get it. Don't get it. What is I just y'all help me understand?
I just don't understand. Like I was trying to think maybe I should put it in sports terms. Like maybe they could hear the sports terms. So let's say Kaepernick comes back next year.
Would he take League minimum? Would he be wrong to demand a salary equivalent to other Cubies in the League of his caliber? Or should he just take League minimum and not say anything? Like I think all of them would agree he should never just take League minimum and not say anything.
But that's what you would have a sister do. But she don't make sense to me. I'm hurt. I really hurt.
I want y'all to talk back to me. I want especially brothers. Dr. Tip at tellemtiptoldu.com.
I need to hear from you today because I'm trying to unpack this. What is a woman's worth? And it's stuff that we've been talking about y'all, Anna Jo Yucupur, voices from the South. She was writing about, yeah we put these men in these leadership positions.
And we think because they aspire to greatness because they reach greatness, we've reached it as a whole. We've reached greatness as a whole. But the truth is until the black one, oh my god, y'all please. Please tell me you can see that.
Again, I want to be clear. I'm not having a discussion about whether or not we want to net boycott Netflix. Again, I'm not. I never intended to.
I still don't think we should. But at the same time, I think Monique is perfectly within her rights to demand what she perceives as her worth. And I hope and pray that all of you, even the ones criticizing her, will never stay in a situation. See, that's how abuse happens.
If you stay in a situation and you're not getting your just due, you're allowing yourself to be abused. And let me tell you what spirit has shown me over the last few years because my own personal neglect of self-worth. Let's tell you, for those of us who believe in a higher power, if you believe that God made you and that God dwells within you or that you are a manifestation of that God. When you allow yourself to be abused, you are allowing someone else to abuse God.
That goes for yourself too. So if I believe that God invested in me, certain talents that have value, and I don't demand that you give me my worth, I'm allowing the God within me to be disrespected. I want you to pray and meditate on that. Today, right today, I had a conversation with my dean.
I have to demand my worth. If I don't, I am in a situation where I am allowing God's talents, the blessings of higher education, I'm allowing all that to be disrespected. I can't do that because if I do that, I might lose it. Demand your worth.
And here's the other thing. I think some of us, we see what Monique is talking about, but you know what he's doing? It's stepping on our feet. She's reminding us that some of us are in situations where we haven't been demanding our due.
And if we admit to ourselves that she should be doing it and might make us do it too. And some of us are scared of that. But I'm here to tell you, we got to demand what we worth, baby. If you go get it, power sees nothing.
Power conceives nothing without demand. You got to go get it. And sitting and letting people take advantage of you, that ain't getting it, baby. It ain't getting it.
2018, we moving forward. We ramping up. We not tolerating less than. Please don't want that for your sisters.
Please don't want that for each other. And please don't you ever want it for yourself. We deserve more than less than. I just wanted to get on here and tell you that good word today.
I love y'all. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. Tell them to tell you. Please.