Ah, Mr. Silverman, episode 201. It is a blank canvas. Oh, shut up, you've ruined it.
You have, why not paint upon the blank canvas that is our podcast with your colours, Mr. Silverman? Okay. Again, show me the colours of your pod.
Hello, it is Eli, I'm doing a bit. I come round here to talk and shit, and Paul's also here. He's doing his thing. It usually involves him messing it up.
Like I did. Oh, dear, what a very important game. I think we should start again. I think what from the game, episode one.
Yeah, I have fucking greek. Right, episode one. Cut! Hello.
Hello. Episode one, wouldn't you? Peeze! Episode one, please!
Please, please, please, please. Please, I'm gravy. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheek Joke. Granular.
I'm a comedy podcast with me, Paul Ganon, and my lovely friend, Eli Silverman. Can I say my own name? Am I loud? Do I have that much agency?
Am I granted that much movement to even speak with my own name? Granular Pee, gravy. No, I bother giving you things to say. Oh, can I say?
Well, Granular Pee, gravy. Is that what you've got to offer the podcast? The Tabula Rasa of the show, Ahead of Us, or Digital Tabula Rasa. Tabula, Tabula Rasa.
What's the word? It's Tabula Rasa. It's a baller, isn't it? Tabula, Tabula.
Tabula is a Tabula. Tabula is like a couscous salad. Wait, hang on. You're saying the couscous salad of the show?
Now it's said couscous salad. I don't know what that means. It's not. It's a Tabula.
It's not. Let me just do it again. Tabula Rasa. Yeah.
Tabula Rasa is a theatre that individuals are born without in, built in mental content. And therefore, all knowledge comes from experience or perception. S, pitomod, chalapal, proponents of Tabula Rasa's disagreeing with the doctrine of innateism. We told the mind that born already in possession of so knowledge.
So you're saying welcome to Cheek Show. I hate you, Angel Fucking Moodle Pussy. Cheek Show, you're going to have to learn the fucking insects. Cheek Show.
Up, round, round, round, round, Cheek Show. It's the price of shite. Bull gannen, myself, up. And a girl and a nuzzle.
So what am I saying? You're saying? I'm not saying. You were saying to spread the Tabula Rasa of this show.
But it's not a Tabula Rasa. In lock philosophy, Tabula Rasa was the theory that at birth, the human mind is a blank slate for that rule for processing data. And that data is added and rules for processing are formed. It's nature versus nurture.
Nature versus nurture. It's also known as the nature versus nurture. Yes. Argument.
And Chomsky, before he became a radical. Chomsky. Yeah. Solitary, brother.
Is the still a part of you that wants to give. Is there a dialectical stance you want to take? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Anyway, hello, everybody.
Hey, what do you say, what do you want? What do you say, by the way? Solitary, brother. Chomsky said there's an innate grammar, which is how we take on language.
Yeah. So it would be against... He was sort of his theory was against the table of the rest of it. I kind of wanted nothing.
She was an innate grandma. LAUGHTER An innate grandma. Yeah. I mean, Paul, we can't come up with that.
I did just come with that. No, you did come up with it. You need to back it up. I did.
What show are we doing here now, Paul? We are doing a cheap show. And if you say something and it's some kind of grandma or grandfather, we both know the character needs to be born. Genesis out the fanny shoot of a fanny shoot.
Thank you for your ongoing taste. The womb tunnel of cheap show has burped in Nate grandma. And I'm going to do her as in Paul Traeher. Yeah, please don't do it.
Well, I'm like, I'm going to wag with myself when I'm playing an eight grandma. There you are, Episode 2 or 1, brand new character in eight grandma. Here we go. Oh, hello.
Oh, you look like two very nice young men. How do you say it here? And you look like every character he's ever done. Oh, no, no, no.
Like a slightly higher pitch grumpy session. Oh, no, no, no. I'm quite peckish. Anything to eat.
Awful character. I'm getting to the character. I'm getting to the character. Please get to it quicker.
Hello, Nate grandma. What makes you an eight? Well, I was here for all time. I've been here for eternity.
I was been in the waiting. We can only hope this character grows. In some respects. Shall I go?
I think please do really quickly. I'll go. Bye. In eight.
I'm just asking my computer. Belonging all determined by factors present in an individual from birth. Yes. Belonging to the essential nature of something inherent.
Yes, it's hard to describe. It's difficult to describe. Now, you... Oh, actually.
...for the mind of the participation of the intellect. Yes. Yes. Oh, right, Paul.
So you do in eight, grandma. What's the characteristics you give to a fucking character? I couldn't think of anything. So, Paul, right.
No passing phase. It means no worries for the rest of your days. All right. You go.
It's our problem free philosophy to Boula Arassa. Now, Paul, what is coming up on the show today? Is it 201? Did you say?
It's still in one. I'm just going to go, oh, school. We're doing a in-reversal at the end of the show. We are ending with a price of Shite.
DeRota from the PO box, if you're going to buy one of the lovely listeners. There's Po box information at the end of the show, just so you know. Second of all, we're doing off-brand, off-brand, off-brand, off-brand, off-brand, off-brand. So we ended up in a while properly, and there's a box that was sent from ages ago, and there's some leftover stuff, and that's part of the price of Shite.
No, that's part of the bra, bra and bra. Tom, you lost me. I was thinking about is like, when you said, Brandon, the whole unpleasantness can happen. Do you know what?
He will probably fucking ... he knows. He's bugged us. You know he bugged me.
He got a bug right up there. One of his ... that Freddy Goon. Usually the fact that we left ...
I didn't mention it at the time, but yeah, right. At the song contest, I got bugged right. What are you talking about? I'm saying there's a bug from Brando, I thought my beehinds.
You've got to bug up your bomb from Brando. What are you saying? That's right. You have a secretive listening device in your anus passage.
So he knows. So honestly, when something that is copyrighted from him under that agreement, we would sort of have to call him. We'll just have to call him. We'll just have to call him.
Even though he's in prison now, apparently he's got quite a lot of... Do we get that bug out? A lot of... Can I get that bug out of your ass?
Well, I'll do it now. Take me out for a drink first. Yeah. I'm going to get to be severed on.
Well... You know what they said? They made the bomb back on, but it's not my arm. Is this someone else's arm?
Right. It's an arm, is it? I've never found out, but it turns out they did also find my arm. So I've got to spare now.
So I've got just an arm lying around if you ever need it. Oh, right. It's not sentient, no. No, it's not.
So you can do whatever you want to be on. No. Are you sure? I'm not saying.
Oh, yeah. I'm just saying. If I leave it here and you want to use it for anything, you use it, I put some elastic bands on the table. If I was ever going to fist myself off with someone's discarded limb.
It wouldn't be yours, mate. Why not? Because I would give you that fucking vicarious limb. Well, you know, it's get the hand, put it into a fist, wrap some elastic bands around it.
And I put it into a fist. You fold the torsion of the motors. No, you can all go on that now. You can just bend the hands in.
It takes a bit of the crinkle of the crack. But you can get the fingers, the crinkle crackle into a fist shape. And then get some elastic bands, just wrap it in and then get tight. And then, to be honest, with a little bit of lubrication, I'm pretty sure you can get it up in one swift deep move.
How did that help me with the bug I got up my arms with a brand off? Well, ah, you could leave one thing pointing out. And then, you can put it in a little hook shape. And you can use it like a backscratcher.
But you can use it to pull out slowly the bug from your bottom. At this point, I'm out of this. And now, this little improvisation about your arm. Oh, carry on.
So then, you can take the arm. And if you want, you can put it around the mug. And then put it in the freezer overnight. So the hand freezes into that shape.
Well, now it's frozen. Now you have to do that when it looks. Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
What about the hooks finger? Do I have to freeze the hook finger? No, that's just, I can just set the place. Here's the thing I've tried to add.
And you know what, the mug's not right. And then, you can put the hand around that. Put it in the fridge overnight. Take it out.
Remove the tube. And then after a bit of thawing out, it's in a nice, you see the action it will be in if you left it in that position. A wanky action, everybody. You should have a wanky monkey hand.
Now you can have a wanky hand. Oh, listen. My wanky monkey hand actually has supernatural powers, unlike your discarded arm. Mate, discarded arm has supernatural powers.
So what can it do? I can feel everything. It goes through. Yes, exactly.
I won't get it anywhere near my arse. Well, there you go. I've tried and failed ladies and gentlemen. And the first segment on the show today we're going to do right now, we're going to dive right here.
Let's go. He's got a lot of power. He's got a lot of power. He's got a lot of power.
He's more powerful now. He's in prison than he was outside. And this is one of the ironies with the modern penal system that we live in, isn't it? Because these beasts, these beasts go inside and they even more influence and power.
It's crazy. The system doesn't work. We should hang them. We should hang brand off.
I didn't like them. Brank them. Brank them by the brack. The views you're expressing right now towards capital punishment aren't necessarily the views of myself.
No, the podcast in general. No, but these are the opinions of me, Paul Gannett, and the only extent of characters within the YouTube show universe. They can get hanged. They can get hanged.
So we can hang Bifou. We can hang. Any of our fictional characters we've created on the show. Okay.
What are you going to, if you're going to carry on? Let's just carry on. So we're going to start with something we haven't a little while. It's a tail.
From the shop floor. I've got a pile of them in the inbox that I need to go through. So if I've not read yours out yet, I apologize. I will get to it in time.
Don't you worry about that. It's been a bit manic lately for a big episode. So you're going to be saying that for two years. I was thinking, oh, I'll have to go away through them.
Check out which ones I've only read. And then suddenly in my inbox pops a fresh one last night. Oh, it's fresh. So this is a hot fresh, warm, lovely, uh, show on the shop floor.
And it's from a chap called Adam. Right. Here we go. I've been a big fan of the show for quite a while now.
I'm not even saying hello. Oh, sorry. I skipped that. I skipped that.
I skipped that. So fucking skip that's the most important bit, Paul. Yeah. Who's the top post yet?
Yeah, ready? You can find out who's the top post yet. Dear Paul and Eli. Oh, fuck off.
I'm a big fan of the show for quite a while now. But I've only just decided that we'd share this tale from the shop floor. Well, Office floor with you, nice. They do call it the shop floor, don't they?
Which is fine. It's a loose title for an overall workplace just be a shop floor can be, like, the floor of a factory. Yeah, I think that is mainly is, what it may be. Everybody out here, or on track?
Yeah, everybody in. But what would they call the floor of like, like, WHO me? Is that shop floor as well? I don't think it is.
It's the retail retailing. Well doesn't matter. The least addressing part of this letter. So let's go back and read it then.
Just over a decade ago I started for a major insurance underwriter in the travels claims department. He's losing me now. Why? It's been two sentences and two sentences.
Insurance underwriter that bit. Can you listen? And then judge accordingly what you've had a bit of amazing. If I can tell you he doesn't think I'm worthy.
He doesn't think I'm worthy of the workforce. Does he? He thinks I'm outside it. He's terrible Andy like whatever.
Then he's doing insurance. He wouldn't insure me. I bet he wouldn't fuck it insure me. God this is a time.
I'm tired of this. What's he called? Andy. Adam.
Sorry Adam. Come on. I've been supporting evidence for people who had either couldn't go on holiday or had trouble while abroad. Sometimes they would be ridiculous claims such as people leaving three grand's worth of jewelry on the back of a hired moped while they went into a shop only to come back to find out their bag of being nicked.
Sometimes it would be serious medical incidents and some were sad, tragic and harrowing. Sometimes they would be gross. Oh no. Did one of the dice and type of gambit of where the story might be going at this point?
It was going to give us one gross example. Of a travel incident story insurance claim? Well just go by the most obvious thing it could be. Yeah just by track record.
You know everyone complains they get food poisoning or they get some kind of diarrhea. I think it might well be shot on a moped. I don't know I'm saying moped because he mentioned moped already I'm imagining like a hippo. You know the way hippos spread their shit.
Oh, yeah What they call it? They spread it From behind you know when it shit looks ready That's one of the most searing images of my whole life I've ever seen on TV You're dad for out the top of your dad I'm like watch the hippo I've never seen it. It's a spray. It's sad.
It didn't sound like that. Isn't he on a what you're dad? No Start with my dad. I know why you're doing anything with you dad.
I know yeah go on Did you that listen to this podcast? No fucking does it good? No good job? I tried the Brent Cross episode.
Yeah, it's a little bit like they keep swearing It was like on a David Attenborough or something right and it was the muck spreading It's literally this huge amount of green shit coming out of the box. Yeah, and then the tail very efficiently smoosh it all over the like a windscreen Wiper car. Yeah, yeah, very very luring so I'm imagining something like that But with a person on the back of a moped well, let's find out so when I first started my manager told me a story about a claim That came in the form my time and that he apparently told every new start Assuming the as some kind of mild hazing ritual stroke icebreaker. Oh, it sounds like a lovely trap at first It seemed apocryphal just a quick joke to get a reaction, but apparently was definitely true Yeah, but that's such a like, you know You got here about the guy you know spuffed into his own mouth and spat in a drink.
Yeah, or something. Yeah, that's the one So further down from me in the office was the emergency department It's a group of people that take phone calls from around the world 24-7 the people who need assistance pronto So they're a group of fixers who get things done They organize flights home paying for medical treatment or ranging emergency passports or the kind of emergency shit That sounds like an exciting part of being Right, yeah, it's more like hands-on and you get more of a reward because you saw something out for I guess you might not So something out because you know they covered the claim Make Anyway, we're not here to attack the insurance industry one such incidents they dealt with concerned a young man on holiday on a Spanish party island He's leaving all the specific details for adaptive. He was staying at a big in B Which had a I be for possibly that name one other Spanish party. I can tell you one more anyway Well, that's what me you can't tell me one more You could have told me I be you could have told me I be So you could have a name of the Spanish party island.
What would you say? I'd only say yes Thank you. That's the point. I'm trying to make I've done too much coffee now I'm not a morning.
I'm not there's Peter in the pattern ready Yeah, I was staying at a B&B which had an 11 p.m. Curfew Okay, very much choice of accommodation for a young lad on a boozy adventure. Don't do it. Just don't do it Just don't do it.
I mean they're up no hours. They are we were gonna before the event We're gonna do a special in Amsterdam. We still might one day in the future So we get a hostel maybe for a night. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's cheap as possible on a budget.
That's the plan. Come on mate. You're flagging now So it was assumed it was perhaps his only option. Can I just reiterate my choice is liquid shit, right?
Okay, it's been noted it's because it's I'm thinking even more so now because he's like a young lad What's he gonna do? He's gonna drink like 12 pints. All right, and shit into the land ladies. I The fucking room It was assumed that perhaps this was only option one morning the fella awakens to find himself outside the Ben breakfast face down on the glass Extremely hungover and in a lot of pain after a moment he realizes that he's bleeding and the source of his pain was his backside Okay, it's gone there.
Let's see unable to remember the night before and having lost a lot of blood from his rectum He got himself the hospital and contacted our emergency department for assistance given the nature of his injury He became convinced that his drink had been spiked and he was salted perhaps even sexually very very Even sexually arse is bleeding very serious business. This is just I'm not liking this poor This you know, this doesn't even have the veneer of faniness that most of these he like just go with the story This is the scoh and necrotic fuck hole to go with it She was making her own decisions. Let's go with the story and see where it develops it now It's in a very dark second act right this is the second act the dark part before the resolution and the glorious glorious finale right the insurance was Paid out for the medical attention he received and given what happened our people had to be informed of any future developments and there were Developments things are his ass after a police investigation of the scene outside of his B&B It had turned out that there had been no crime committed other than the crime of being a drunken idiot The victims friends have accounted the night back to him saying that he got absolutely Sottled the night before and insisted on returning back to his hotel alone due to the curfew He was unable to enter the premises for the entry gates and came up with the incredible idea of jumping a security fence Around the side this particular fence was lined around the top with spiked metal posts Eli's face is not happy being incredibly pissed His coordination utterly failed him he slipped and landed arse first on the spikes and fell to the ground passing out until morning That's literally like a nightmare and live it nightmare. Oh, how did you not remember that?
I wouldn't want to remember it. I'd hope so you'd add that kind of trauma that is just like I'm just gonna fall you slip you get a spike right up the arsehole you scream You probably fall off to the side causing some tearing you know what I mean? And then you pull on to the side and you pass out from the pain of the boot yeah, right? Okay, that's what I mean.
Yeah, the police piece together this chain of events after he had left his friends in the early hours of the morning by finding chunks of his Ass flesh and blood both at the top and all down the metal posts his claim was nullified for being drunk I was long with the several hundred euros worth of medical bills I had his bum repaired leaving and unable to sit properly for weeks I hope you enjoyed that as much as I cringe the first time I heard it Honestly, I briefly know we wanted a claim for a woman who alleged that she had slipped on the dance floor and a bottle went straight up They're ass all the way in yeah, right the doctor faxed us a diagram He had drawn to demonstrate the woman's plight and we all had a good laugh at the childish girl depicting the anal intrusion Good work hooks and kisses Adam. Thank you Adam. Thanks Adam. So much going on there This is why you can't do the decisions like that when you don't roll the dice when you're drunk you really shouldn't But I'm not one of those people I'm here's the law.
I'm quite averse to physical risk anyway I mean, I don't think I'm not into sort of like you don't want to put yourself an arms away from there So you're coward I'm a coward but at least I can roll this gate. Yeah, you can't like an angel But here's the thing my logic is if you wouldn't brave it being sober don't brave it Exactly, but it's a certain people react to booze differently don't they and I have done so I've been prone to that kind of thing once or twice Well, you go I'll do this all right never like climbing up something That's there's certain things that you should just remember that you shouldn't ever be doing ever piss climbing things or getting in any body of water Remember those two things Paul. Yeah, actually first of all you got drunk and tried to climb trees Yeah, I'm gonna do a little bit of monkey impression in a tree and you're throwing twigs down and you didn't like it Because I had a big poll I was jabbing out like you're a good sport I think they do remember that I was like I was shouting come down beast you were like spitting and throwing twigs down Yeah, I do remember that I mean very disappointed in the both of us Yeah, no honestly, they're you can climb trees. There was a guy I knew yeah Who got pissed with his mates and like jumped out of a window onto a skit killed himself They'll fuck it out so there you go We just misjudged it, you know, so this is the lesson you can learn from this if nothing else in this tells me shop floor Don't do things drunk you wouldn't do sober.
Yeah, fact just don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it Well, unless you also when you do parkour don't do it drunk also parkours well dodgy isn't it? I mean they do it on the top of buildings.
It's a thrilling it's a thrill that's what they want Well, I can I can sympathize I'd quite like to do a bit of light sort of urban exploring what they call it I don't you mean going to know back to you like climb or the type where they climb up stuff No, I'm like that like into a cemetery or something Okay, well there you go. Let's move on with the show It's a source report boys and girls ladies and gentlemen I'm having a scrumage. We've had a few furry wonderful things You're thinking claggy in this garbage bag. We sent a first You to interrupt me again We had lovely things said to the PO box quick piece of important news on this We've closed the PO box that we showed with Bifvo that account is now closed You can't send anything to it and I'm starting a new one up this all next week So don't send anything until I send out the new address on our website in the next week's episode.
There you go That's it. Oh poor I just had to hold in a really hard scrumaging while you said that I've been a very good boy Sources night This is Give me a second I'm the letter he's done it as well dear Paul and he loves Was out shopping the other day stumbled on a shop specializing in food from Thailand cool, but the source for me That's all you need to know. Thank you very much ash in wolves. He's actually You know there's a whole porn sub genre about no Wolves no what wanting they call it It's all like beaters and alpha alpha wolves and they do not sing and stuff what's not it like pregnant getting sent marking and stuff So what do they dress up as well?
Listen? Honestly? There's people listeners now Paul who don't get No, they're not. Yes, they are maybe one person max.
It's a whole fan fix I'm sure so it's not like people dress up It's just they write fantasy fiction about having sex with wall yes as if like we're well No, but they'll use something like the Batman fan fake But as if all the characters are sort of wolf bat wolf. Yeah anyway, Ash in wolves It's a very nice sources firstly my ploy sweet chili sauce. That's a lot of sweet chili there It's quite a lot sweet chili and it's a chicken it's a 750 centiliter is it good if you have this before that's beautiful That's great sauce. It's made by good.
You know, Ty you remember sweet chili sauce in about 15 years ago was this kind of Revelation to Britain was I was the flavor of the moment. Yeah, literally. Do you know the way? Yeah, the way what is now the way in a way salted caramel is now Do you know what I mean Paul?
Yeah, it was very exotic like no one had ever and it appeals to the British taste because it's sweet Yeah, like sweet, you know anything it puts sugar and anything will all suck it up here I mean like fucking rodents anyway, so but to be honest Ash in wolves that doesn't really tingle my sauce dongle that much Do you know what I mean? It's nice to have a pocket it's delicious delicious eggs put it on eggs Yeah, put it on a little bit with that as well dip it you can you can do what I call the plunge No, you don't do a plunge I could plunge it put the ball in the show whatever it is The energy to do me to do it is like this is a vampire segment for me just brings me of like pod blood But I also got some Suri brand spring roll dipping sauce. It looks very similar It doesn't matter to the sweet chili, but I think it's got a bit more zing. Yeah, bit more zap and it's thicker.
That's very small Blueberry, that's quite interesting and I also got this zab mook fermented fish sauce. Look at that What's that that looks how brown it is zab mic by mic look at a baby Yeah, look at it for a bit the methods for seasoning papaya salad, so it's specifically for this salad Yes, it's a be greater Roma. You wouldn't have to use my pie you could use like green mango or other vegetables, right? Okay, just substitute.
Yeah, that's very nice, but I save the best of the last for mushroom wolves in terms of the sauce He's provided. Thank you. I'm gonna say the best to love I have because look this not only is the brand low bow I like a fucking insane sauce brand low bow. This is meatball dipping sauce They're gonna do the plunge the run and plunge.
Yeah fill them in with that in the freezer couple of hours Then then it just gets just so it's icy but not actually solid anymore Then I've got special you want to say make special pants with a pulses shaped hole cut out of them over the junk drop and plot You know I'm saying run and drop and plot right week on zip and dip But this is low bow meatball dipping sauce you couldn't that's gonna be good You can see the base green into it. Well, I can see there's chili in there, right? Let's just get a spice up all this that have little tiny little actually reading ingredients. Yeah sugar.
It's sweet. Maybe yeah water It's wet baby. Yeah tamarind paste. Oh, so it's hammering before the chili.
Yeah tamarind. Do you know the taste of tamarind? Yeah, you know what tamarind is? Yeah, I know hey, yeah, you wouldn't like this.
No, it's a very tamarind. You're not like sure that delicious Oh, yes, and what else is in the bag? I've been forced fucking forced to coagulate the source report into the noodle special I just pick up this amusing sesame net flavour ramen the other day look what it contains eggblock If you have five of them do you know what you get round your ass? No eggblock Round your arse I mean any block from the eggs.
I have ten of these egg blocks pull and you know I had in my ass a block of eggs Yeah, yeah, yeah to shift it. No get to work it out of my hand. You know the finger. Oh fuck.
I'm gonna We should be tasting this what would you be up for? You got a taste of that looks fun. It's weird sesame flavor than egg blocks That's basically a little on it. I've never yet.
It's but a little dehydrated on it. Yeah Before that from the PO box. No, I pick this up myself. Okay.
So what the two you up for the PO box? He's over quite unusual. Oh, yeah, he's up for mashing balls. Yeah, he's a nissin Which is a great brand and the original well, you know, you can't go wrong with Nissan five spy speed flavour Which I haven't actually had if you don't have Nissan you don't know what you're missing indeed That's it for them to do to do to you.
You've you've snapped my will to enjoy life Oh, I think or maybe again, this is a denim to the brand off off brand off I think they've said he was these but I can't remember anyway Someone is because he was going on about it when we were doing the 200 So Seabrocks who make reasonably good cheap crisps usually wrinkled you know what I mean crinkled chips There's a bit there in B&M's aren't they like loads of them? Yeah But I'm not a proper first-ranked crisp round. Oh, they're because you wouldn't have them in like the corner shop No, why wouldn't you because they're but they're budging no, they are not I've seen them corn Yeah, I have no I have actually so the nice budget crisp and I think stand reasonably well on budget Anyway, he sends us this because he said they tasted just like what they say on the packet and it is Seabrocks 75 years of brilliant crisps Fish and chip flavour gluten-free and vegetarian. They're not too fishy.
I like it's time for the Huff reports. Let's just dive straight in Nose nose package. He's getting his nose clean verado. My nose passage is very clear.
No. I just need to take a neutral half of air That's the neutral one. That's a neutral one here. We go Inhaling clean air all the way up to the half now.
There we go. I mean that issue again Paul where I can't get a small Huff shaped corner off mine. It's a thick package maybe Not all I've already got quite a stale fishy smell coming off these grisps. I have to I think it'd be remiss of me Not to mention to you.
I think you're wise now Paul. Are you safe to try this? Yes, because you are allergic to fish No, these don't have any fish in okay, so what they use to make like glue or something to make it smell like glue flavoured flavoured crisps Here we go. Go the huff in the What you thinking is it chips?
Yeah, but like the day after Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're cod livery. Yeah cod liver oils. I have a half on that poor.
I'm opening the pack wide Oh court's potent in it. Oh What's the smell like it's really strong it's strong it's all those scampy fries. It is very much Oh, there's a sort of sweetness. Yeah, it's a And then you can actually smell the vinegar a bit.
Yeah, and now see Brooks are rich. That's the idea They're gimmick in it. All right. I'm gonna try one now here.
We go It tastes like scampy, but it's like you more vinegary. That's sweet vinegar in it Yeah, it has that sweetness that you like doesn't it like the Smith's work. This is not gonna go the smell the fish isn't as overwhelming That is just no when he was with the flavor. Yeah, there's no way anyway.
Welling is the smell absolutely I was expecting something much worse with it. The smell is almost as virgin on unpleasant. Don't you think overpowering But what's it got it in your mouth quite tasty? Sontvina good.
Yeah, they've got aspect of salt and vinegar but also aspects of Oh, it's going to be fried. So they're very nice, but it does have a scampy aftertaste. Yeah, that lingers That's all there you go. Nice flavor.
Nice Chris. Yeah, they go. Yeah, you can make a series I think you would ever join the pantheon of flavors. Do you think any ever any flavor will join the pantheon of flavors ever again?
Like a new one. Yeah, I can use it. I would say a new modern classic is sweet chilli crisp flavors Yeah, you know the sensations and everyone else that's kind of a modern classic. Yes, right Paul.
Let's uh daddy make a point Yeah, daddy made point now. It's time for you to do the theme change to this segment. Yes, it's time for a much Love segment. We don't get to do as often as we like but here we go ladies and gentlemen, let's just warm up the orchestra Do the mouse noise again.
Here we go. Oh, here we go You've generally losing your mind Oh, right now Remember you're gonna need a clean palette for this is very important. We're doing off around round off now I'm not going to be born who gave us some stuff in the panel. I'm fucking fish and chip like Chris lovely fermented fish sauce drink that Oh, you know you fucking yeah Sipping that gonna Oh, no, oh Don't drink it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Why did you do that? The ocean?
Why did you do that? Like you know, you know, it smells like you know, it's an empty aquarium Yeah, and it hasn't been clean so much like that all the fish died and they drank the water. That's the smell that's like that is Go on you get some water because You back I know but with the papaya on the actual papaya, you know, it's not to for drinking. It's a source It's a compliment other flavors.
That's right. Right good. Yeah, so as a result, no, you think you're ready to take some chocolate Right good. So mark on your own since it's in the past and then I ate them so he sent them again So now we're doing all those we can do now He sent a load of chocolate bars in but here's a problem some of them were so different like dark chocolate versus milk chocolate I just want to focus on milk chocolate bars and the cheap alternative so we have four bars here today We have the classic the British standard the dairy milk cabarees chocolate Dairy milk is probably the most famous chocolate brand in in the UK and also you got remember that Change the flavor over years because of the craft take over.
Yeah, that's about 10 years ago now Yeah, but as a result of that, you know, it doesn't taste like not it's not it's not don't you think no? I don't know. It's also like a breeze though. I can recognize it.
I think you will. I don't think that's gonna change that much So they must have done something I just keep it the same slightly less equality Yeah, well, we have the opposite of the scale the luxury chocolate is the Linde bar Well, yeah, that's the one with the chef's the special chef's who live in the mountains now mostly in this country I think they're more famous for the little balls that they make with the full vloging and the chocolate rabbit at Easter, you know That's the thing what they make a range of posh quality chocolate bars Anyway, lins the posh run on this and then we've got the real because the standard now the budget ones are two Morrison's brand One their own brand and then for some reason there's a Morrison own brand too, which is slightly cheaper, right? They do two levels well, it's very similar to when we did the mayonnaise and they had the same zone brand and the budget so what it is is The budget this is good. This is one of the like a classic.
This is a tech segment This is the basics with brand off right. So I put my blindfold on please put your blindfold on The off-brand brand office detection traditionally where I blind test taste taste test blind You're not gonna cut it. Oh, you know that you never cut it when I fuck up and just I sound like a blabber mouth Right taste test a blind taste test We take a product perhaps a high prestige product a branded product and then we taste it's knock-off counterpart usually from a budget supermarket But this time Morrison's isn't as budget as something like Aldi or little is it well as far as I remember Morrison's was like kind of northern chain primarily of Supermarkets and slowly slipped into the south. You didn't used to seem as much in London 20 years ago But now they pop up everywhere.
Mmm. They're not like a budget. They were like asda live like safe in they buy out asda I don't know No, they bought asda Does not exist anymore does you can't go as there a few weeks now you fucking didn't I'm more as next to be an M is more as it was I fucking know what I went into and I went into an No, you don't know they're manipulating you. Oh here.
We fucking go Q and on Eli is fucking coming in it's what so I'm gonna give you a piece of each Of these chocolate segment by segment now I have to give you a small bit Eli because the design of each chocolate is very different ladies on the stands Which one's which I don't want I don't want to keep by having a little feel of any of these So I'm gonna like for example Jaffa Kakes. Yeah, Jaffa Kakes. You could tell straight away from the size It's nothing else if nothing else so I don't say you're gonna disguise the topography of each segment I can't it's hard because each one's so differently built, but we'll do our best. We'll do our corner I'm gonna give you a corner.
That's a plan. All right, I have one corner of each four of these and what is my task in tasting these pieces of chocolate today? I think what's gonna happen is you're just gonna taste one taste all four actually and at the end you'll say that one was that one That is that one that one is that one is that one is that one and then we end of them just say and that's my favorite and that's my favorite Keep it simple, right relatively speaking so pleased on the I just need to have a super water So I'm telling a super water then he'll be donning his blindfold which today is a delightful slightly neon pink Is this neon? They glowy kind of pink check scarf.
It's the lightful thing pictures of which you'll see on the website the cheap show Dot-coke okay. Are you secure now? I don't need to test the security of this blindfold. He likes it very seriously I like about this and I take it seriously So you're gonna have to just make sure that my mouse in front of the microphone poor.
Well, yeah, you'll do all right Here we go. Okay, so you ready for your first piece of chocolate ready? I'm gonna do it slightly as possible so we usually would look at the brands But I don't even like to look at the brand so he doesn't know what type of container this is coming from Carboards Yeah, I've already pulled a little bit of a here the cardboard on the link. Yeah, exactly Here we go straight in the hand in you got in it goes Oh, he's having a sniff.
Oh, you know what? I'm thinking this is one of the cheaper ones if not the cheapest Morrison's not because right now doesn't smell like chocolate at all It smells like white chocolate interesting now. It's a little got a little melty in the pack So that beer that in mind all right, you know what is it just too melty doesn't taste like chocolate at all really? That's so cheap It's like really that sharp sugar.
Okay, the sharp sugar and then there's no grain Oh, that's got a real Christmas terrible cheap Christmas chocolate after taste to it. There's no bitterness from cocoa at all Do you know I mean there's none of that sharp the bitterness that you you need God and it's not like white chocolate now? I'm gonna admit something now because I think it's only fair. I've looked at the pot chocolate and it's a little bit white I think it might be a little bit perfect.
So why they on reflection. Let's have a look when it's a cell Okay, I don't care. It's not forever. Don't worry about it.
Oh, no, it says the fifth of the next year But I don't know it's fine. Neither way, it's not it's not it's not rotten. It's just no no no No, it's just dust. That's just dust.
All right either way. It's cocoa dust I wanted to be honest with you. So you didn't think I was forging the results. All right, is that enough?
Okay, that's those my thoughts on that first. Oh, I'm not the knockoff. Morissons, right? Okay, the budget Morrison's you want to wait till the end and then say what all four all I'm just gonna revise I want to write anything down yet.
So that is item number two. That's got much nicer texture more gelatinous There's more firmness. That's good. It's got a milk better, but it doesn't I'm looking for a certain sort of chalkiness that I reckon There's a cabaret and that doesn't have it.
Okay, it doesn't chocolate. Yes fine I would guess that that is just the Morrison's the Morrison's knockoff. Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna give you what they are so you've got cabarees you got lint and then you've got what I've called Morrison's white which is not a white chocolate bar Just that's the wrapper which is the budget one and then Morrison's blue which is the standard Morrison's chocolate I think that one I just had was the Morrison's blue. Okay.
All right cool. Wait, so next one third It doesn't have that didn't it didn't speak cabarees to me. Okay, but it didn't taste too bad It was a nice amplitude with the milk and the as the word lady up in the amplitude It hasn't got the cabarees amplitude ready for the third. Doesn't have the good stolts of cabarees Which I'm looking for when it just hits me in the mouth here.
We go biggest stolts across the whole mouth chalky three chalky three goes in the gobble And he chews and eats and thinks what you think in Mr. Silverman. I think that's the lint. You think that's the lint But I might have to revise this or when you got the fourth and file.
So here we go That's got the best amplitude so far, but you think it's a lint amplitude. Yeah, because it's not again I'm not getting the whole sort of I'm looking for that thin slice. It just says cabarees. Do you know what I mean?
Well, it's soon as it hits just black, you know, and I haven't had that with any of these three so far. I'm hoping it happens here Well, here we go. Otherwise, I'm you get a bit stuck. Here's four the bigger this one.
Sorry. I only take the bite size you wish to determine your decision So here is the fourth of the four chocolates. Yeah, that's the cabarees interesting. Okay, and you think it's got the amplitude of the cabarees Yeah, it's got slightly more grainy chalky.
Right Eli are there any you'd like to try again before I ask you to lock in your four answers number three Number three here we go. Hand out. That's number three. I'm handing to Eli again.
Yeah, that's all right. So I'm gonna go through chocolate number one What do you think chocolate number one was? What did I say? I said the budget that was in weakest?
You thought that was what Marisons blue or Marisons white, which is the budget one is I'm I think right and thinking that I mean I'll tell you once all the answers. Yeah, but I'm just want to know that I'm talking about the right one yeah Yeah, the cheapest one is is Marisons white. I think that was the cheapest one. Yeah, all right So the next one item number two chocolate number two.
What do you think that was the Marisons blue? All right, the third one then lint so you think lint and then finally that would leave the dairy milk Yeah, I think that was another four for one. Yeah. All right, so you think the first was Marisons white?
Can I tell you my blindfold off? Yes, you can so you thought the first was Marisons white the second was Marisons blue The next was lint and the final was dairy milk. Yeah, I do locking those in Oh Wait, it's locked in it's not done. Oh, put your favorite out the floor probably the lint to the third one.
Yeah, all right, okay So I'll be I will be bold over that if that third one is in fact the cheapest. I've got it totally wrong I'll be I'll eat my hat pull all right. Well, I'll eat my pants. How about that?
Here we go I'll actually put my pants in my mouth for you. Hey, I'll take them off. I can take them off now So near the end make me do this take them off in case you don't do anything. I could stop my pants Just don't suck the gusset on my pants.
I'll come in. I'll come in again Like me just into the bin of his words and pulls out whatever you can grab Gusset sucking Ladies and gentlemen, come on man. No, don't come on man. I mean when you're being this is just a serious serious No, you said the first chocolate it was Morrison you said cheap That was the lint fucking hell that was the lint now Remember I said at the first but they was gone a bit off look at them And see what you think they're all in date But you see how it's like whiting out way that gets a bit oxidized Yeah, that's just nasty take a little bite again now that you know it's lint does that change your opinion?
I know no I just know Much worse, that's awful. It tastes like toffee doesn't even taste like chocolate interesting. Yeah, I thought it was a little bit It didn't take like lint and he put it that way which is a lot smoother usually almost like galaxy. That's just terrible That's a terrible chocolate anyway, but I'm That is bad news.
I just wonder something's happened to that chocolate in this instance I'm just gonna put it out. I'm gonna leave that hanging in the air as a possible. I'm just gonna say that so that was lint The second one you said was a Morrison blue that was Morrison blue. Okay.
All right, so there you go You got one between they're not between you got a brand off a brand off right? So the third one you said was lint that was the dairy milk shit and the final one that you said Dairy milk was actually the budget one Morrison white. Wow. Let me see it.
Bring it here. That's really good Morrison's have done well. This is a very very very budget one the Morrison white mmm. It's chocolatey open the link link.
Yeah weird Mmm, but you did say the favorite one was the dairy milk So even many respects you did kind of get the dairy milk Yeah, so there you go a lot harder than I expected poor but Surprise by the low quality of that link. I wonder if I left the lint out what your results would have been for the three left over I wonder if you've been more you would have been more accurate perhaps because I think the lip was a bit of a kind of Curp or an outlier isn't it? I don't think it just tries a lot less like chocolate than the other three very much so but this is why I'm keen to say maybe the Chocolate turn if I went to the story kind of you I just didn't it was a bit of a miss for me Yeah, but at least I got one of them. It's a blue one again chocolate Morrison's blue Other little taste of that just now that you know this one I guess correctly Yeah, and as a budget chocolate that's a nice because I think like the white chocolate one is like 40 P 30 P's because I thought that was the cabareys it's almost got more characters to it the white Morrison's a budget Morrison's you know It's interesting it doesn't taste cheap like cheap chocolate doesn't but I don't know no interesting discoveries you know what I mean It's the world of chocolate is so cutthroat and you know it's a dog eat dog mate.
It's like a drug basically for people isn't it? It's huge industry, but I would like to just say now. I've been living in a very Turkish area Yes, and so round and people from that part of the world Paul. Yeah, I was serious about their chocolate Yes, but a different sort of taste in chocolate.
I'd say to them people in Britain Yeah, and they have a company all good. We've talked about I think yeah just before but just the old-come milk chocolate I was a shame that we didn't get it would just shit all over it doesn't it's a very nice and reasonably affordable cheap chocolate Yeah, it's not too expensive. It's a bit more expensive than Cadbury's I think slightly if you bought a bar of whisper and you bought a bar of All good, but you'd agree. Yeah, they do they do like a pistachio a dark one with pistachio, which is now heaven so that's that done then I guess it's time for Oh hello, Mr.
Brandoff. No, it's Paul Eli you want to speak to you? I'm sorry, Mr. Brandoff.
He's gone to the toilet Yes, how is prison? What do the elastic bands do? Right there's anyone pissing your bed before you sleep at night? Mini-manking So when you call up the show me other brand off you usually have something to say so you want to do it went fine You know, we'll surprise that Yes, they'll be off to your small business on the Cayman Islands.
Yes Seems like you're busy in prison. You should be thriving behind bars actually I heard you making money handover fist on their prison Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Bye. You go.
I go In it Yes Bye bye bye bye Goodbye Eli you can come back now, mate. He's gone He's doing alright in prison. He's okay. He's having lots of fun.
They just didn't making mankeener's for mice. Okay So, you know about good as a concept. He's ever gonna have in prison Right, so that's off-brand brand off and off food section in a lovely chunky 30-minute package. Well done, see you're after the sound effect, you fucking cunt!
Don't call them c'mon talk to you! Fuck you! When you're feeling so sad in the middle of the night and nothing seems to be going right Oh, what you must do is tune into us and then you'll listen to the price of a shite I said a shite The price of this shite is the price of this shite and that's right, yeah! Yes, it's the price of shite, Paul!
It's an exciting, exciting time! It's an upper-spoke version that's been sent into us, is that right? It has indeed! Don't try and do a scrumage with the rustle I'm doing it, I'm allowed to scrumage!
Well, isn't that- What have you got in your Scruffle bag, Mr Porter? I'm locking! Hey, Mr Jenkins, what's in your bag? You've lost it, haven't you?
You haven't brought the price of shite, have you? Have you? Oh, no! I thought I didn't have the prices on the letter Oh, no, I've got the price of shite Now, Paul, you- Let's just be honest Yeah Sometimes with the bespoke ones, they're packed in such a way Yeah That you can remain oblivious to the prices And the items sometimes And the items, but that wasn't the case in this case, was it Paul?
No, we have- we have- we have the items I also had to look at the prices You had to, why? I don't understand Because the paper was separate and it got separated So I had to make sure it matched the letter I see, so administrative reason? Yes If it hadn't been separated I could have played this Yeah, okay Alright, as it stands, it's Eli versus the world Or rather Eli versus- All the wings are mine to keep Right? For me, no one else will be getting any betweens this week, Paul You might be getting any betweens at all Yeah, at least I'll be the only one The true, you won't be the only one that's a winner I will get a between, which will be only mine Mine to hold, mine like a feathered globe of gold Inside my wingeth I have the betweeneth Right, so this is- this is from I fold my golden wingeth And in close the betweeneth Right, okay, good Oh mate, fuck the game Let me just do a bit about flying around Now there are- no, we're not- we're not gonna allow you to fucking go off on your mouth fucking rambles I swear to my golden wingeth And awaits the arrival of the betweens So there are four items in this pack And it's from- Joe Manley, thank you very much, Joe Manley Does he fucking say hi Paul and Eli?
He says hello Eli and Paul Yes the manly, yes mate He's sad little bastard That's a little- that's a sad little twist It's a little between for me and I am Right, I'm also a good starter I just wanted to say thank you for all the entertainment over the years that I've been listening Including, Borsions and Digitizer Even with the tough times, I think beats Paul's stumbling sentences and Eli's weird egg fetish I have not got an egg to do Literally, an hour ago you said- oh eggblock at me arseau Oh, see? So eggs are funny, aren't they? So good old price of- price of shite Uh, one between 25p margin, I'd per usual too- That's not as per usual, because as we know from the 200th episode When I played against Mr Biffo And you refused to give me my between for being within 25 You got eggs by Biffo You got eggs by Biffo You deny me between sort of that one- I deserve by the rules that you just said Don't give me the middle finger, the bird What are you? So I've got a yak!
Cacar! Cacar! No, I'll give you that Rubsniff! Right?
You get my crappy rubsniff mate You get a handful of my crappy rubs sniff The arm's coming to life No, it's going on here What's going on with the arm? Oh no, the seven arm- Did you find out who's- Oh, it was- oh, it was- Oh, it was my last! Yeah, because he shook me! Well, calm down naughty arm I have to sit on it Sit on it, and then it'll be someone else's Yeah, it's the- It's the- It's the only- Just sit on it, then- What do you go?
It's got a tattoo on it It's got a tattoo on it Just says Robbie Forever It's got like a teardrop as well as he says It's not teardrop Teardrops in my hand It's a murder-ism Merz-mib baby, have you? That's some kind of terrible murder-ism It was into Robbie Williams apparently There you go Right, so- Exactly Right, that doesn't go against him being a murderer Let's get on with the items I think you're going to like these items by the way Let's have a look- What's item number one? Let's start small We've got this It is a- It's got a price- No, that's not the real price I don't worry about it Is it? Fucking- Just double check Because it has happened before Believe it or not everybody All is handed me- You left the fucking price- Yes!
I knew it! Oh, fuck's sake! Joe! Did he leave it on everyone?
No, just on this I didn't see this Right, that's good Did you see the price? No Here you go then Well, is it? Oh, it's a set of stamps Joe, you fucked up and left me like a prank Well, stamps and it's one inch of the Prince of Wales It's a set of stamps It's a set of Prince Charles commemorative stamps And there's a castle I like the ones that don't have Prince Charles's weird young face Not like a face- That's like fucking Lord Fonteroy naughty people What's all these- Are these all the castle's yones? It must be, it's castles And there's some kind of- What's it say on the side?
What's this one? Today in Oric, come you- 1969 Prince of Wales Yeah, from 69 Are they from 1969? Yeah Look how young he looks He must- And look online, see how much he's worth Hang on It's a pack for children, it says Talking to them like It's a pack for children And it's sealed It's mint on card mate It's mint on card Stamp on card Stamp is mint on card And look at the value And look at the fucking value mate See the fucking- These are albystamps.com Yeah, because look they're in five, they're in shillings It says 5D There doesn't say it's 5P Look Paul It's been fucking loads of stamps Yeah 5D What does D mean? Shilling or whatever?
The feeling It's been loads of fucking Prince Charles stamps over time What's the fucking ad? He's Prince fucking Charles I get to all these fucking stamps all over the fucking time I think it's stamps all over the fucking way Oh, the fucking face goes and goes Goes and goes and goes Oh, you know what? He says I have shit I'm bored of fucking- I'm a fucking blower I'm fucking spunked out I'll spunk out I'll spunk all around You lick the stamp, you lick the spunk That's what he does Paul No it's not all of us That is a small amount of Prince Charles It's spunk on every stamp pressed in the British arm You lick That's what he's putting, commends it back They keep their magical power over the pot So you know when I kiss but a bit of their blood in the comic book in their arm Prince Charles put a bit of his royal spam That's what I'm trying to say It's a very small amount And a zero amount of spam Amazon is selling packs of these for £12, £95 That's exciting, isn't it? That's the most expensive one Hang on Oh, I'm going to tell you on this website collectgbstamps.co.uk So one's called the Kingsgate, Carnarven Castle Eagle Tower, Carnarven Castle Queen Delano's Gate, Carnarven Castle Because they're all different sides of Carnarven Castle You sort of digramatic A white on metallic silver They're quite nice stamps They are quite nice And there's a Celtic Cross is the other one Mark and Margamaby up in there, that's haunted There seems to be one missing from these Because there's a guy, as it's a separate five It's a five set, yeah And then Prince Charles's stupid fucking face He does it like, he's going like that Not interested, actually It's just like he's just wank off into the cauldron Does that say it's a ramp clue?
Cost? Doesn't say how much Where to worth on this? Well, I've got a 12-grown Amazon There's an ebay, there's an ebay It's a £4 on ebay Did he say how much he paid for him? No, whether it's up a limit or where He got any of these items, is there any background knowledge before we go to the second item?