Ep.22 Courtney

What this episode covers

Admittedly, pain was a huge motivator for Courtney and it keeps her motivated to keep moving forward. She understands her parents did the best they could with what they had, and that they love her. There was abuse and trauma when Courtney was a kid. She had her first drink at 11 years old (going on 25) and it was kinda just a way of life given her surroundings. She liked the effect that alcohol produced and the instant relief that made all the bad stuff go away. Courtney says that’s what makes her an alcoholic. The chase was on from the age of 12...marijuana, pills, alcohol. Before Courtney’s 16th birthday she experienced Mental disorder diagnoses , self mutilating, cutting , a CHINS (child in need of services) agreement , at home drug testing, suicide notes, suicide attempts, a coma, paddle defibrillation and a locked psych ward.....BEFORE SHE WAS 16!!!! Then came 15 years of AA to shut people up. Alcohol continued to work and the “I’m gonna kill myself ‘card’” was being used on top of the mental illness diagnoses. Finally Courtney found a meeting where she developed a relationship with a woman she connected with. This woman told her how to do things differently....Courtney wanted to do this but didn’t know how. This woman showed her how to do it through the 12 Steps of Recovery. On the topic of Relapse Courtney says “you learn more about what to do versus what not to do and what you could have done differently instead if you don’t die in the process.” 5/4/13 Courtney started to take ALL of her sponsors suggestions and after 3 months, started to have small moments where she started to feel ok in her own skin...she couldn’t believe it. She felt something starting to shift Courtney continues her service and says that the work does not stop because there is no cure. “My brain generates so much suffering” she says. Courtney tells me she’s doing well. She stays in the middle, she sponsors people, she does a lot of service and does the things where god has assigned her, to play the role that she’s been assigned to play. Courtney says it’s not about what she thinks anymore...and the more she learns about how to practice this work the more she gets to understand what Gods will is versus, what Gods will isn’t. “I’m two different people in one lifetime” - Courtney