I've got a joke. I got a joke. I heard it on the telly. I was watching these documentaries about what is his name, Walter Mathau.
And he was on a chat show and he told this joke. And it made me so happy. I thought I'd tell you the joke and start the show on a nice upbeat. Oh, a nice gag way.
OK, Paul, do I hear you? This is good. I'll try and tell you best because you know I can't tell jokes. I'm really, this would be great.
Just let's, yeah, here we go. Here's a joke. So there are three old men right in an old folk song, right? And they're all talking about their bowel movements because they're really old.
And the first old man, he goes, oh God, what I wouldn't give for a piss. You know, like a proper piss. What I wouldn't give for a really healthy without pressure, without pain, without forcing it. And not without drips.
Just a nice, not without drips. No, I don't want drips. I want doesn't want drips. With drips, no drips.
Not with that. You just want to go without drips. Yeah, I want to go piss. Second old man.
He goes, oh, oh, what I wouldn't give for a proper shit. Yeah, oh God, just, you know, a nice big shit. Oh, God, what I wouldn't give to force out and I proper, proper, proper, proper, false it. Nice.
Nice tension between forcing and getting easy, soft. He's giving tight. You want a nice, yeah. Give him a good give.
Just a nice poo. God, I'd give anything for that. Then the third old man, he goes, oh, 730 every morning, right? I have the best piss.
Oh, it's great. It comes out. It's flowing. It's warm.
It's easy. Just falls out of me. Oh, it's so satisfying. Empties me out.
Beautiful. And then it's 735. Oh, my God. The best poo.
It's soft. It's easy. It's just nice. I've only seen problems with this.
He's just a bit less than I can just a nice piss. And I have a nice poo. 735. God, what a great poo I have.
And they see all that go, what are you complaining about? And the old man says, I don't wake up till night. I hate you and your fucking noodle, Pussy. I have noodles.
It's the cheap show you're going to have to learn the fucking except. Chee show. He likes to have a little... And a go and a nozzle.
Why did you do that so far? I love that joke. He shits himself. He shits himself.
I don't know why. Where did you hear that? That's not a television. What was it?
TV, am. Walter Mather was going, I want a number one. I'd love a number two. Oh, what was this?
It was the chat show Walter Mather won. He's dead. He's been dead a long time. An old one from the past.
Where were they broadcasting? It's not magic. It's called YouTube. Oh, you were on YouTube, see?
You said you were watching television. I was watching a documentary and he was on the telly in the documentary on a show. He was, yeah. And then he tells that wicked ace joke.
I thought I told him not to. No, it wasn't. He really. He lost it.
He lost it. I lost it. I lost it. I lost it.
I lost it. I lost it. Have you turned the eating down? Yes, I have.
I'm just joking. I don't feel like talking. Great. Great episode.
You've got to be kidding. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a cheap show. I tried to fight a cough. And then it just had a wee little bit of that.
You're all right. You're all right. Welcome to the cheap show of the economy. Comedy Podcast where we go for the bargain of the charity shops.
And Howlands of Great Britain. We find amongst the trash. I'm Paul Ganon. I'm Eli Silverman.
Hello. Hello. We've got a lovely show for you today. We're going basically to Ganon Land today.
A new subsidiary of Ganon's Golden Games, which is not, will soon be taking over the format of Cheap Show and coming from the mentally a game based podcast. Well, I'm announcing this now. Cheap Show will be going through Metamorphosis and changing into Ganon Land. What do I do in this?
You have to find a podcast. I fucking will. Go on there. Noodles.
There. That's what it's called. Noodles with Eli. Yeah.
And sauce. All right. No. Two things.
Wait there. The Noodles paid podcast with Eli and sauce. So you got a character called sauce. Yes.
Right. Hello. I got that. Hello.
I'm Squeezy sauce. I'm Squeezy sauce. Yeah. What's in me?
What's in me bottle hole today? I don't know. What's in you bottle hole are you like? Let's go.
Oh. Eli, I'm so sorry. So, you've got to remember what you said. Squeezy sauce.
Squeezy sauce. Yeah. Do you need something? Have any of these issues on toast?
Yeah. Need some sauce. Squeezy sauce. Oh, squeeze it.
Oh, please me, Billy. No, don't have much faith in this podcast. No, it's good. Oh, I feel it.
I feel it. Eli. Don't squeeze me. Fuck you.
I don't squeeze it. Listen, I'm not even real. Yeah, I'm not doing this podcast yet. So, can I pop it off?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There he goes. See? Listen, and there's more with that game from Paul.
Isn't this it? Yeah. What else do we have? Listen, I'll have two podcasts.
Yeah. Source podcast. Yeah. Squeezy.
Squeezy. What was he called? You could work on that. And more serious podcast than Mr.
Silverman. Yeah. Noodle talk. Noodle talk.
We've made a noodle. Yeah. The far right noodle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Fine. I think they're the food of the every man, aren't they? Are they? But isn't Nigel noodle for the every man?
No, he's not a noodle. He's quit politics anyway. What? Like noodle?
Yeah. Oh, good. So he's just doing a noodle podcast with you. I do have some noodles.
This is like getting like no one for this one today. Fucking who didn't know they were fascist though? From the first record they put out. That's all I have to say about them.
The minute I saw a squeeze box, I thought fascist. Yeah. Waste coat beard, squeeze box, kimbo, spells, fascist. No, it does though.
Because they all into the like the folk, the common folk. They're like this new talk show sounds really fucking edgy, mate. I don't know if you can handle it. I'm going to do like Joe Rogan's talk.
Oh, yeah. So be three hours with some kind. So we three hours of me going, oh, I don't understand. Yeah, it's the out of on fact check talk.
Where they just spout off whatever they're feeling in that moment. We just go, don't understand. Like that every five minutes or so. So what you'll say, you do is like that?
Yeah, I think you do it just as well. This podcast is doing that. I control this podcast and we won't have we've already got a perfectly serviceable segment known as going out. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm only japing about sending it to Canada. I felt like I had to do some work there for a second. Well, I hate you to ever fucking have to think about you.
Right. What are these? You talk about them. Bobbies we've covered them before, Paul.
A while ago. They are British manufacturer of snacks. And you know what? High quality.
I had a packet of the something like a spiral last night to nibble on. No you did. And I was just thinking, what a lovely snack for 39P. Simple.
It's not too tart. It's not going to get quite sweet almost. Nice. Do you remember those spirals from back in the day when we were children?
No. Maybe you'd have them at birthday parties and things next to the trifle. There'd be those spirals. Just salt flavoured ones.
No. For me, they were big packets of puffed corn crisps that were in the shape of like wagon wheels. And there's a squirrel on the front. Oh, no, no.
And he's the bike that's like tie fighters. He took the top off the wagon wheel. I think it was a little tie fighter. I've been running around with some sloppy, half-toothed fucking wagon wheel crisp, rubbing it on the sofa.
And then it all dries. All bits have masticated crisp until either. And then someone comes along with a little squeegee. You squeeze it off.
And then you smoke that. Did not work. Oh, fuck off. Didn't work.
Fuck you. Well, cut it then. Cut all of this. Cut me.
Right. That's dramatic pose. It's all about stress. Well, I feel for this.
Now, the big hit for us with Bobbies was there. They do things such as. It was the curry flavoured puffs. I think they were.
Lattices. Lattices. Oh, god, they were melting your mouth cool. Those were excellent.
So they sort of take things a very traditional and cheap. Yeah, simple, but fun. And they've done it again. Yeah.
Now, you saw a product which we've both been on the hunt for, which we haven't managed to locate. What's all this? Pretzel bites. Because they're trying to muscle in on the Schneider's market.
Because those Schneider's are going mainstream now, haven't they? Yeah. And they're expensive still. It's like north of a quid.
And they're all pisses me off about the Schneider's pretzel pieces. Here we go. No one fucking stocks the best flavour. Which is?
Buffalo wing. Oh. They're hot, buffalo wing. Oh, and they're all red.
So they have that sort of what's its effect. You know, like the redness is like the flavour and the flavour is the redness and it gets in there. And they've got a bit like tackies. You know, tackies got that extreme sour that makes you want to eat more.
So not quite as extreme as tackies. Make those zombie tackies that we sent to the show. I did a few sessions on those. Fuck, shut up.
Anyway, the upshot being. Yeah, anyway, long story short. Anyway, long story short. Yeah, I'm doing the upshots.
Fuck you. Right, sorry. We can't find the pretzel big pieces. We're looking for them.
Anyone knows who's stocking them? Maybe they'll be like the log box. Yes, please. Email at the end of the show.
Not email. Post address at the end of the show. I'll do them all. Alright, we will cover all our emails and posts on the show.
We have before us. God, we take forever to get to things, don't we? I've tried these. We have a little miniature cheap piece where you taste some bobbies.
Nice. These are pickled onions spirals. Now, we both know that they do some vinegar spirals. Yeah, nice.
And I remember spiral shapes, crisp things. They look like fusilli pasta. Yes. But they're crisps.
This spirals, Eli. Imagine you went to a part and someone gave you a bunch of fusilli pasta with some salt on it. Catch, thanks Mrs. Megan's.
My little bleeding. Thank you Mrs. Megan's. Nice part.
I need to go to the toilet. I need to go to the toilet. I need to go to the toilet. I need to go to the toilet.
I need to go to the toilet. Do I not? Is this the one pitching the worst episode of Tails from the unexpected? I need to go to the toilet.
What you do now? No, you see. That's not an example of what I think. That was convincing, wasn't it?
Yeah, you thought maybe Eli needs to go to the toilet. Because you often do when we record. I'll play through your... I need a shit.
Shut up. Then we take a 15 minute break while you stick the house out. Bobby's with the cop. Everyone's shit smells bad, Paul.
Yeah, yours is worse than most. No, it isn't. That's a purely subjective. Smells like trap dark matter.
I don't know how to explain it. Fuck off. Your smells like... You've never smelled mine.
Because I've never been so rude. As do what? As to viciously drop my guts in your vicinity. I'm sorry.
I'll dirty laundry. No, I might be in this. Right. You pick all crisps.
You're eating these. You are tasting these. I've tasted them. He's a pickled onion spirals.
Pickled onion is a big thing in crisp flavors in this fair aisle in the UK. Weirdly. I've never really taken to it, but I understand it's appealing. More than much pickled onion being the big, bad pickled...
Can you eat in the favorite snack? It is. I'm just saying, I think what Bob is doing with these pickled onion spirals is trying to get into that nostalgic retro flavor. Okay.
And they're good, baby. You're gonna do the pothole. Should I do a pothole? You do the pothole.
I know what I've learned from you. I'm gonna make a micro-pothole at the side and a puff it in. See how we go. Contantino, the half-air right into the nose hole.
Right, so I'm gonna... It's not easy. So I get smoosey. No, no, no, I know what I'm doing with this.
Take a tiny bite with my rabbit-styling slices. There's a tiny hole. There's a tiny hole. There's a tiny hole in the tiny bug.
In the tiny bug. I just sent him from the newspaper. I'm gonna have a... I'm gonna have a...
I'm gonna have a... I'm gonna have a... It's a small little pothole or something. No, no, no.
It's just a little walking down the street. Oh, no. Here we go. The pothole is happening.
Oh! Oh, it's a sweet pickle smell. It is. It's a little pickle...
What? People just get the big jar of vinegar. It's quite accurate to say in terms of the huff. It does.
It's very reminiscent of that smell you get. Like, you know when you go to like an old man's man. Well, yeah, the eggs on the thing. Now we'll have a 70 birthday party in the British Real Legion center.
You know, the whole pickle on the cheese on a stick thing. It's like that. Well, that's where spirals live, isn't it? It's quite imparities.
Yeah, right. Traditional snacks, really. What's your huff? It's a satisfying pickle on your huff.
You know what, I'm getting sort of background of sort of salad cream. Weirdly. You might be watching that. No, there's a salad creamy.
Sort of vinegarette-y. Vinegarette-y, that's it. Vinegarette-y. It's a Italian guy.
Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Avoid all characters. Seriously.
Right. Right. See, they're nice. I'm not a huge fan of pickle-dunion, but that's a good example of it.
And it's a solid crunch. Really crunchy. You can taste a sort of onion and then the vinegar, there's good amplitude. It's my saying.
Very good amplitude. I'm actually very impressed with Bobby's Christmas. They're very good. The flag of people at Bobby's are very good.
They make a lot go a long way as well, obviously, because they say cheap. Bobby's boffins doing their job. Really good. They make your mouth water considerably as well.
That's the sort of tacky thing. That sort of, it's more rich, but it's not more rich because it's salty. It's more rich because of the sour. Yeah.
Did you know humans and pigs are the only two mammals who can have receptors for sour on their tongue? No, I did not know that. Why do you think a pig needs it? But they reckon humans need it because it will let you know if something is off but still edible.
That's the sort of thing. No, why do we need yogurt? We discovered all of these fermented things that we can eat, pickles. Oh, yeah.
Yogots. Cheese, all of these things are fermented and they're fermented meats as well. True. Like sauerkraut as well.
That's not meat, but it's fermented. No, it's just like a first sauerk thing I thought. Do you think of a fermented meat product? Theresa is the one who's the main one, but there's other.
It's slightly fermented, yeah. And so it's a way of keeping food, isn't it? If you can pick up something, you can keep it for the sambre and stuff. So it's advantageous to be able to pick up those flavours, something that is fermented.
What's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there? Brand off in a...
Oh, go do me a second, Seth. What are you doing? Hi, Paul. Hello, boys.
Just helping, uh, Bill. You know, I told you we know Bill from back in the day. I'm helping him. What are you helping him?
I don't know, what is it? It's my old box. I'm moving my old box in. How are you two?
All right. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm good. Thanks, uh, thank you.
It's just that we've noticed you've been bringing stuff in and out of the podcast for a while, a couple of days now. No, I haven't. I've just been... I haven't, you know, it's just me and Bill.
I'm listening. Look, I don't want to pull around here, Paul. He likes rough off, but, you know, the contract still has my name on it. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it's not.
So I've gone out. I'm sort of rough off. Kind of loud. No, I've gone out for two more weeks.
Yes. Two more weeks and then your name's off to us. No, there's no... Right, good.
No, no, no, no, no, just go on more quest, you Bill. Bill, I walk past your room that you share with Larry and two things down there. Where is Larry? That's what I'm gonna ask him.
One, where is Larry? And two, it's... All these sounds come out like... What's going on?
Um, Larry's been sleepy-po-boe-boe is a lot. Well, sleepy boy. He's sleepy, isn't he? He's a sleepy boy.
I can't wait. Kim, I don't know what he's doing. Well, look, are you leaving now, Bill? Because we want to eat a song at the end.
What's all the sounds? What's all the... I don't chemistry set sounds. coming down the hallways well isn't it Paul?
You just, um, I, uh, I really don't have rough rough. Come on Bill, try to go. Sorry guys, this is enlightening this conversation rough rough rough. I'm a busy man, I'm trying to build my empire back up.
Rough rough rough. So Bill, I'm happy to help you make but I need to, you know. Come on, let's sing a little song. I've got one.
I've got a box of sea, Christmas photos, you've got sea. And if the police have a catch, down they'll happily arrest me. Oh, come on, come on. Stop, no, she's talking about rough rough.
Come on, Bill. The box of folks are going to the shops, Bob. There they go. What's all that about?
The last time I saw Larry... His brand, I thought, his brand I've been... He's been coming in and out. They've been going to the back.
They bring a little box in, a little suitcase coming in and out. Larry, I saw in the other day, the last time I saw Markable with the bar we go. Had seen him. We've seen him down the corridor like he couldn't stand up straight.
The shit was rocky. He's not liking him. That's not liking him. It's not.
I can't even feel that. We should have probably asked then what's going on because when they come back. But he's, he seemed to be up to something there on him. Yeah, I'm not happy with this.
You've probably got Bill down at wrap up in something, and I'm not happy. Well, they go way back apparently. Yeah, well, so what? Brand of something, show this.
What's that? I don't understand. I'm a naturalist. Do we just move on with the podcast?
Can you just tell me? I need a score for these swirls. I like crisps out of 10. Good.
I also like crisps out of 10. I give it crisps out of 10. I give it 10 out of crisps. LAUGHTER Right.
Right. Hello. Hi. Let's carry on with the podcast, shall we?
Yes, of course. Yes. Is this? We're doing a play game now.
We are. So it's not going to land. No, we are. It means it is that other thing.
Full on, a lot. That was a preliminary warmup of the store game. That was a final game. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
Hello, Paul, welcome to Gannon's Golden Games. Kill me with a good. Now, what are we gonna do? We're gonna play a game.
Yes. And it looks like it's a lot of fun. I've been talking about on Gannon Land, about how some target electronic games aren't shit, because you know the consensus is, they haven't held LCD games for shit. The Sonic the Hedgehog being the...
Is the Avril. Yeah, you have a Mr. T one as well. Yeah, they have MC Hammer.
No, just name a thing for the 80s or 90s, and I'll tell you if it was a target electronic game. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes. Max Hadron?
No. Blade Runner. Yeah, but keep on going. Keep on going.
Yes. Really? Yeah. You know that for a fact?
It might not have been Tiger Electronics, but there's definitely an Alletholle. Oh, I mean, it's not Tiger Electronics. You're not doing very well at this. No.
No. It's not. Right. So a lot of things.
I'm prepared to accept a lot of things from the 80s. Well, Paul, Dragon, you know, there's lots of Sega licenses. There was a, like, shootable games. We had our digitizers.
There was a little, like, Tiger electronics thing that you folded. Had a little light gun and you used to fire up the screen. Right. Right.
But am I right in thinking most of this stuff, is that the game boy came out. They stopped making it. No. Well, that was the thing.
The reason why they were successful is because people might not be able to afford a Game Boy and the 20 to 30 pound carts. So for 1999, you can bring home double dragon in your pocket if you're willing to play a very shitty version of double dragon. Yeah, like a watch game version of television. We're judging it by today's standards.
Back in the day, it was like the argument of saying, we love rainbow booking tapes because the videos took years to come out and some Disney films didn't at all, so the only time you could experience a Disney film is through the book. Yes. So that's the point I was trying to make. It's like at the time they were being manufactured, they were profitable because very profitable.
There wasn't a lot of handheld gaming. They happened. I was in the IPs. That was the important thing.
So if you were releasing an LCD game called Ghost Tonsor and it was a shitty game, it could be the exact same shitty game on a Tiger, but it's been rebranded as real Ghostbusters. You know what I mean? It's like, can I be the best? Do they have real Ghostbusters, but do they have like a normal Ghostbusters one?
There was a few LCD Ghostbusters games. One, I think was, I think was Systema and that was shit. Oh, Systema? Yeah.
They make Tupperware boxes now. Do they? Yeah. I don't know.
They're good Tupperware. All right. I'll take a word for it. Is it Systema?
It's spelled like Systema. Yeah. Yeah. It got catches and like lovely rubber linings.
Calc shit with your fucking LCD games if you're now famous for making, you know, you know, it's top end packages, top end Tupperware. They like it. They're like it. They're like it.
They're like that Tupperware. It's a brand name so you can't call it. But it's not Tupperware. It's not Tupperware.
Pick, pickle holders. I've mentioned many types of shut up. We've mentioned many times before like the Who Wants to be a Millionaire LCD table top of a guy. That's quite fun.
The weakest link one of them in the actual game. And this one, what we're talking about today, based on the PC game, you don't know Jack, which is late to be game. Jackbox. I just don't have any recollection of it at the time.
No, I don't. You know we did that Borsions episode and we played a Jackbox game together for the first time. That murder party game. With the little horror dolls, we like slash dies.
First experience. It's a similar, that game had a similar aesthetic to sort of Binding of Isaac, didn't it? In a way. Just that little horror.
Oh, it's what it was. That was a sort of 90s aesthetic. It was late 90s. Well that game came out in the late 2000s.
The point is that that's a spinoff of the original thing called you don't know Jack, which was a PC trivia game. That was, you know, wacky trivia. But that didn't have any little doll characters. No, it was literally just the trivia game.
There was a flash game of it. You could play it in the UK that had Paul Kate as the voice in the UK. It was the same kind of irreverent wacky madcap trivia. Yeah.
Reasonably simple questions, but dressed up in a lot of silly ideas. Yes. Became a PC game was hugely successful. By I think 2008, they'd sold over $100 million worth of merch.
You know, not of games. Jackbox. And then that's what everyone plays on YouTube and stuff now. And we did on Vartians.
And we did on Twitch. Okay. But those are DVD games, are they? No, they're like, I've got one on the Switch.
They get to the PC console. It was a DS version, would you believe, of you don't know Jack? And as we both found out to our surprise, the TV show, because the game came out in 95. And I only heard about it in like what, 2000 fucking 40 or something?
Could it be seen as a sort of forerunner to things like deal no deal or he wants to be a millionaire? It's tricky. I don't think it is. It's too aware of itself.
See, the thing is about who wants to be a millionaire is they were the late 90s super quiz shows that rebranded game shows as a kind of high tension thing. Yes. You know, this wasn't like that. No, this was more.
It was, and it started as a PC game. So it wasn't, it's all made the jump to TV only briefly and then came back. It was like an anecdote. Sorry, I'm not talking about it.
Antidotes. On the season. Opposites of, okay. Stokes like you want to be millionaire.
We're all waiting out anti-perspirants. Antipathy. Antipathy. That's down under.
Mm. Soresy. Down under. It's where you are.
Down under here. That's apparently what it means, isn't it? Antipathy. It's not necessarily me, Australia.
Antipathy. This is what you're saying. Thank you. What a waste of, one minute.
Oh. Oh. The TV show. It ran for a couple of episodes and it started Paul Rubin who was P.B.
Herman is the host. It's a very famous version. P.B. Herman.
Yeah. This is pretty wanking in the, in the, in the book wanking. It might have been just before or just. It's done anything since then.