EP 231: Learn How to Self-soothe with Alexis

This episode is about self-soothing strategies for empaths. Today's caller, Alexis, wants guidance about how to find self-worth after getting out of an abusive relationship. But, we go deeper and discover that self-worth is just part of the issue. She realizes that moving toward self-soothing will be more beneficial to her at this time. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode231] We can't amp up our self-worth if we keep judging and shaming ourselves. If you are trying to increase your self-worth, I want you to consistently think of things you are proud of. Not just accomplishments but choices and characteristics and all courageous actions you have taken. Increase your feelings of pride and it will increase your self-worth. Narcissists are very attractive to empaths because empaths have huge hearts and can see what's behind narcissism. While narcissists are self-absorbed, empaths are often selfless and are more concerned with other people's happiness. If you are an empath who is with a narcissist, my encouragement to you is to get out of the relationship. No matter how much you love them they are unable to feel empathy and they can't give you the love and attention you deserve. It's a tough relationship to be in. And, trying to get out of triggers or uncomfortable feelings by thinking positive is a dead-end for a lot of people, especially empaths. One of your gifts is that you feel deeply so trying to escape your feelings through positive psychology or a pep talk may lead you astray because you are negating the very essence of who you are. If you are a feeling person, you have to honor your feelings. I am a proud sponsor of B-school which is an online training program for modern entrepreneurs taught by Marie Forleo. When you register through my link you will receive special bonuses from me. I include four group coaching calls of 90 min each, four custom meditations for entrepreneurs, access to my Facebook group, a one day retreat, plus free access to my master class for coaches. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bschool or email [email protected] for more information. For free training videos from Marie go to ChristineHassler.com/training. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you getting over a breakup? Do you ever fear you may be codependent or have codependent patterns? As a child, did you ever feel like you were walking on eggshells? How are you at self-soothing? When you get triggered, do you try to distract yourself to avoid dealing with the feelings? Alexis's Question: Alexis recently got out of an abusive relationship and would like guidance on how to boost her self-worth. Alexis's Key Insights and Ahas: She was in an abusive relationship for two years. She is working on being proud of herself. She would shut down when she tried to stand up for herself. Her ex would make her feel crazy. She is an empath. She feels blocked when trying to get to the core of her trauma. She is stuck in the awareness phase of personal development. There was a lot of tension in her childhood home. She felt abandoned and alone in the past. She doesn't follow through in many things in her life. She struggles with letting her feelings out. She is part of my Personal Mastery community. How to Get Over It and On With It: She should listen to the Coaches Corner with Dr. Judith Orloff. She needs to realize she is not alone because many empaths are attracted to narcissists. She needs to learn self-soothing techniques and strategies. She should journal in the form of release writing. Takeaways: Be proud of yourself. Listen to the Coaches Corner with Dr. Judith Orloff. Make a date to meet with your feelings when they come up if you are unable to process them in the moment. Use my release writing technique from Expectation Hangover when journaling. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and say "I am loved and I am safe." Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Comfortable, perfectly-fitting bras that boost confidence. What if you could remove the hassle of bra shopping and find the most comfortable, perfect fitting bra in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes! Use the link to get 15% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee. Thirdlove donates returned bras to women in need. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community. To watch episodes of coaching sessions, go to Youtube.com/christinehassler Christine's Personal Mastery Course Christine's Signature Retreat Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Christine's Books, including Expectation Hangover @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram [email protected] — To provide feedback Get on the Waitlist to Be Coached on this Podcast