Well hello, welcome to Mr Bifish Chimp Show. I'm here with my dear wife, Sanja. Sanja in the house. Coming up today we're going to be tasting some North Korean Ammonites.
Mm-mm, delicious. In Corner Short Corner. Also there's that wacky character Beaners. Boobings, is it beans?
We've got Forever Baby coming back. Everyone's favourite. Everyone loves Forever Baby. Maybe one mum mum.
Remember him? Yeah, I'll never forget him. Tony Harris. Oh yes.
Who's that? Tony. Tony, what's the go home? Tony?
Let's get the hashtag. Let's get Tony home. Who was the first one? Forever Baby's friend.
His vestigial twin. Forever twin. He lives on his shoulder, doesn't he? He's like a miniature baby on his shoulder that's stuck to him.
People forget that Forever Baby consumed his own twin in the womb. And then he grew out of his back. And now Forever Baby. He gained consciousness.
Forever, Forever Twin. He's like, I was like, he doesn't speak. He doesn't speak. Oh my goodness.
I hate you. You're fucking noodle-posty. No, no, don't. Mr.
Defacta G-chol you're going to have to learn the fucking place. G-chol. Hello. This is Paul Ganon and Eli Silverman.
Hello. Breaking into this transmission. We're taking our podcast back. Undercover.
Cacking. Cool. We're like modding our own podcast. Really cool.
Really gorilla. Fucking well gorilla. Because Bifos kicked us out of our studio. We're not allowed in the house of pickles.
My ballsack. Unrelated shit. Right. So why we breaking in?
So what Bifos doesn't know? I've agreed because I got all the passwords still to get into the system. Ah yeah. I said that uploaded the episode.
So I just thought he's not going to listen to it. Is he listening to the first minute or two? And then we get to get out of here. And then we put our fucking podcast back.
He's got our fucking podcast back. No one. Undercover. Coming through.
Ball sack. If you're listening to this, don't tell Bifos. It's not anything. Ball sack gym is not anything.
It is a thing. It's now a thing. Because you said ball sack gym. But I can't imagine it's going to be any different account than all your other garbage creations.
So why to sweat off my ball sack gym? Anyway, don't tell Bifos that we've taken over the show. We're getting it. I shouldn't tell Bifos.
Well no no one should tell Bifos. He's not going to listen. All he's going to do is put... If we all keep it a secret, he won't know that.
From now on we're just going to edit the objects into the podcast and then upload them. He won't know. But then he'll be making cheap show and he'll be for no one. Exactly.
That fucking teach. For what? Just winning a game of chance by chance. Well he's shown the Nick Darshot.
He's now a get-ball. He's a Nick Darshot. He fixed the cards. Something like that.
It was unusual. It was very unusual and highly improbable hands. Yes. But that's the odds of game champs.
Is it? That's the odds of game champs. It's a game champs fuck you. Anyway, honestly.
Fuck off. This is the Gorilla Pirate cheap show. Yeah. He's got a big fan of me like Silliman.
Fuck Bifos. Fuck all that. Yeah, we're getting the show back. Pirate radio station.
Yeah. Pirate podcasting. So let's do our own version of the theme tune now. Hit the credits.
Zoom. Warm. Warm. I hate you.
In your noodle party. Party. Party. Party.
People love noodles. You've got a fucking understanding. But do that. Do that.
I'm Johnny Volloff. Cheap show. Volloff. And I'll go.
And I'll go. And I'll go. And I'll go. And I'll go.
And I'll boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'll boom, boom, boom, boom. Shut up. Just shut your mouth.
It's cheap show time. Oh. Oh, go. No, no, no.
Go. Go. Yes. Hello.
Welcome to Cheap Show, the Economy Comedy Podcast. With me, the original hosts, Paul Ganon. And I'm not part of you. No, I know that.
You said me, the original hosts, as if you're some kind of Borg, containing both yourself and me. I am. And that fucking picture. Just say it properly.
Why can't you talk proper? So Paul, one thought that occurred to me today is. Oh, I'm glad you had a thought. It's a little fiction.
It's a little fiction. Talk to the bank. I reckon there'll be a crisp brand out in the next few years called Potato Wanker. Right.
Or Snack-Con. No, no, no, no. That wasn't in my vision. But you're right, though, because all the things called like tea bastards or something now, or potato sods.
It's like you have to call it food like butcher bastards. No, there was a restaurant, wasn't there? Meat shits. Flavor bastard.
Yeah, that's it. Flavor bastard. Oh, great. So you're certainly going to be a snack like that then.
I had a dream. And in that dream, someone who had just their chaffed out was brandishing a packet of crisps. Wearing purple velvet. Couldn't see their face.
And they said, potato wanker, potato wanker, potato wanker, like that, like, in toning it. Oh, oh. But also, the other thing that occurred to me, Paul. No.
What we're going to do for the show? We've got nothing to do for the show. He's got a show. I know.
We can't get into the studio. We're not allowed back into the House of Pickles. We're doing this on the fly in a secret location. But I thought ahead, right?
He doesn't know the access code to storage. And I've kept some PO box stuff in there. So I've gone in and grabbed the box because someone sends us an episode in a box. So we're going to do that today instead.
It's a real style. It's a road box. It's a fucking road-ed. I've listened to the episode.
I've listened to the episode. He recorded for this week. Yeah, fucking awful. It's a beaners.
It's a beaners. Yeah, it's a beaners. Tony Harris and it's doing she's food. That's pretty good.
And they had their corner shot corner with some shot corners. I like the corner. Shot corner. It's not a beaners.
It's funny, isn't it? It's not funny. You just have it being my characters. What?
Like Freddie versus David. It's not a civil war crossover shift. Beaners versus we're not doing any of that. All right, I'm drawing a line on the anymore.
I think Marjorie Graan had an affair with Tony Harris. And he could do her feet. And then Munro could get upset and try and throttle. Tony Harris.
And then Jimmy Biscuit's can toss off third bird. Oh, I'm getting a fucking sesame thinking about that. He's like the diva of dogs. It's all that shit, isn't it?
It's just a mask and a silly voice for Bitfo. It's awful. We're giving proper content. He doesn't know.
He doesn't, you know what I mean? It's not the same. I give content. And that means I can issue content fourth.
You can issue fourth with your content. I was going to issue you into a tissue. So anyway, let me tell you. I can issue a big club of content into a tissue.
Give us a tissue and I'll issue you into the tissue. Anyway, the box and the selection's there. No risk to you. Can we show them?
We'd like to. What we got coming up on the show then? This is Gorilla Box, Paul. What's in the Gorilla warfare?
Right. Well, they sent it. I'll tell you who sent it. It's not Field Rations, isn't it?
We kind of Field Rations thing. This is from Lisa and David in Norwich. And they send us a big box of goodies. And we can't do all of it because it's tons.
We might say it for future. But I thought we'd dip into a big majority of what they sent in the box today. I'd dip into a big majority. Yes, yes, yes.
They've got tells on the shop for. They've given us some off-brand brand off. Some snacks and a hot sauce or two to try. How about that?
I like a sauce report, Paul. Yeah. So I think let's just start with the tells on the shop for. I mean, you've got anything you want to bring up like a tells on the dance floor or something.
No, nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Young lady came up and said, have you got a microphone?
And I said, no, sorry. She says, just because I've lost my friend. So that wasn't, you know, she wasn't requesting anything other than a friend. She just wanted to be reunited with her friend, which is perfectly legitimate.
And you know, what's she going to call out? Hello, Jenny, are you there? Yeah. Yes, thanks.
That would have been it. So can they play with Max James? Yes, she's going to hit. Did you play James the other night?
Did they? The chain, it's called. Never break the, never break the chain. Du, du, du, due, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, doing.
Sorry, sorry! So let's start with their tells on the shop floor. How's it going? This box from David.
No, this one's specifically a Lisa story, I think. David allowed to hear it. I'm sure Dave then, David's one of the pool's. Well, I'll say it.
Snake penis. Now, where'd you go from there? Is it a penis that looks like a snake? A snake that looks like a penis?
A penis with a snake tattooed on it? Or maybe it's a penis that he's put a little hissing tongue on the end and to my eyes. I think you're wrong on all those counts, Paul. And obviously what it is, is it's a tells on the shop floor about the man who broke the record world record for ejaculate and he's come like five times in a day, in an afternoon maybe.
Right. And imagine going on. Imagine it. And then he's on the sixth record breaking coming session, yeah?
And he comes and instead of liquid or anything coming out, he goes, so he gets a guess from his balls expelled. Is he? He just moves into a tissue. But there's nothing there.
Deeply ashamed this content. It whistles and it's now the penis and snake. It's empty balls, whistle out his meters. I'm just going to read a story.
It's just absolutely fucking rancid, gob-knobbage. It's just absolute fucking tongue-knob. It's just absolute fucking tongue-knob. I'm not having it.
Here we go. I'm ready for the story. Right. Snake penis from Lisa.
Right. So back in the mid 2000s, I used to work as a body piercing apprentice for a small tattoo piercing studio in Norwich. I was 18 19 at the time. We had the usual clients that would request a standard piercing or a tattoo, but we had more than our first year of creative requests.
Instantly, I'm now more interested in where this goes. Because you know, snake penis, she's a tattooist and an apearest. Apearest. Somebody pierce.
Apearest. Apearest. Apearest. Apearest.
Apearest. Here comes the ear-pearest. Erm, d'rah. He's got a stabodney bar off.
Stop that. Not all of them. I'm going to get it in so many times. I'm going to get it in again again again again.
Vidi, chomp rings the chomp and the bar off. It could be a snake design on a ring or something that goes through. Or a snake around the penis. Or a...
No, because you can get your penis to tattoo to look like a snake, but this is a piercing studio. Yeah, just... Well, we don't know. She doesn't see a tattoo and piercing.
She does both. She does more trick and it's a tattoo of the... ..of the cation. It scales down the shaft.
All scales down the shaft. All scales down the shaft. And then maybe a little... You could have a sort of Prince Albert, which has a fork tongue sort of thing on it.
You can't imagine. One day we had an older gentleman coming for his penis to be tattooed to resemble a snake. This was kind of what, but not out of the norm. No.
We would often have clients bear their privates for tattoos and piercings. So it would not phase us. With this client, it wasn't so much of the request, but the repeated touch-ups that followed. Now, at one of the University, my friend Luke made a documentary part of our film course about a tattooist in Araratzwift.
And one of them was a guy who I came in and he said, do you mind if we film for the tattoo? She'll film, we'll make it anyway. No, I don't mind at all, you see. And we asked them on camera, what was he getting?
He was, he was a man from... ..Sobcock Nental. No, he was from Wales. He's from Wales, you see.
And he came in and we went on camera. So what you're in for today was, I come to get my girlfriend's name written on my knob. And his name was... The girl's name was Catherine, and he had a tiny penis, so he got the word cat put on it instead.
Well, that's just down to the skill of the tattoo artist, isn't it? I guess you could have done tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny... You could write the whole fucking first chapter of Genesis on a greater rice, but if you got an erection... Yeah, I mean, if you got an erection, that's gonna stretch out the name, isn't it?
Mine are sometimes looked like a greater rice, and I've considered having a... Tato of it, of a Bible verse on it. Yeah? Luke 416.
They'll chuck it to chuck it egg. So what he needed come into the bar off. Right. Right.
Often with tattoos, it went to Wound Field, and the scabs fall off. Yeah. Touch-ups are in order a few weeks later. Oh, only a few weeks later.
So it's... But with each touch-up... Because they fade over the years, don't they? Sometimes we get them replaced or covered in.
But this is... Yeah, but they're saying when they get tattooed, the Wound Field scabs fall off. So you see more what the designs actually like when some of it's lost because of the scabage. Yeah.
So, touch-ups are something he would request more and more to the design. Further perpetuating the cycle of needing to be touched up. Each time he returned, he would have one or more female friends that would be practically foaming to what you have his worked on. Right?
After he ran out of penis real estate to tattoo, he moved on to piercings and would repeatedly return with the need for new hardware or, necessarily, to check the healing process. There was so much metal in this guy's junk you could hear at Jangolin as he walked, because of course, he didn't wear any underwear. No, you wouldn't, because you get it all caught up in the nylon. Imagine getting a thready.
Imagine I'm just going for a boss and then you're dick off. Yeah. Bad. Oh, I couldn't do it.
I don't know. I don't know. If you want to do it, TP is fine, but it makes everything book it when I think about it. It makes your bum hole, pocket.
Hammy from... Me from... Me from... Me meters, Puckers.
Me meters, Puckers, like a little impit. My peeter. My peeter. It's just kind of retracted little mouth.
It kind of looks like a... Like a clams mouth, buckering it. No, no, no, no. Me meters the clown.
Me meters the clown. Oh, I'm a little clown. That's a very bad voice. It's like, it was copying your fucking Jimmy Juicy, whatever his name is.
Anyway. It's not called Jimmy. Jimmy Juicy. We should have a boycott, right?
Any character that could be called Jimmy. No, I agree with that. Because there's too many Jimmy's around here. There's too many Jimmy's around here.
It all came to a head, so to speak. I added that one in. I added that one in. So to speak.
Yeah. I added that one in. Oh, no, you don't like it. No, it's their joke.
No, but I said it's a joke. It's called... It came to a head. I added in.
So to speak. It came out ahead. I issued into a tissue. So it all came to a head and we finally refused to serve him.
When one day he came into the studio, marched up to my desk, which is in front of a large pavement facing floor to ceiling window, dropped his trousers and began to stretch out his next big idea with his fingers on his groin. My boss and I were totally flummoxed and refused to serve him when he went on to describe the design of an elephant's face. He is on his hips, face on his mons pubis, and leaving his titular member as the trunk across a bare groin. Yeah, but his trunk.
His head's all his snakes. The tick looks like a snake. So it looked like an elephant with a snake. Like some kind of Greek mythical creature.
Yeah. What would it be called? It'd be called an Ellie snake. It'd be called a snake.
Asfans. Why an Asfans? As-a-s-as-as-asfans, yeah. Asfans.
The destroyer. What about got a bow or trunk? No. No.
That's a really under the web. I think we should start the whole foot again. Shut up. All the while his new girlfriend was hanging off and practically dripping with his snaking member getting all too visibly excited.
What? Oh. So maybe he dislikes his penis being like looked at and toyed. Well, he obviously I think he uses it to get laid.
Doesn't he, obviously? How can he get laid? Does he find women who are interested in that in body modification of the people? Of which there are certainly some, right?
Yes, and he's obviously, you know, on a rich night. Put a new meaning to the term jingle bells, though, done it. We asked him nicely to not return and to get his masterpiece finished somewhere else, as it had become apparent that he was clearly getting off and having his John Thomas touch the manipulated, and also was trying to find a excuse to whip out and have it toyed with. Yeah.
We never saw him again or any other requests, so weird. Thank God. Thank you for the show. We love the segment by far off a podcast.
Lisa and David. Thank you guys now. A nice story. Not great story, but you know.
Question. I mean, the story is great, but like the incident has been unpleasant for them. Oh, I've got a query. Right.
How do they know he's getting off on it? If he's not getting physically erect while they're manipulating his people, it did say here towards the end, all the while his snaky member was getting a bit too visibly excited. Oh, it was definitely not out. Yeah.
I don't ignore it. It was on the twitch. I can't hear what you're saying now. No, you were too busy going shopping, you're out or whatever it is.
John, he's far off in my head. He is. He's always in my head. He's obviously having a bit of a flex and bump moment.
Yeah. He's getting a semi. I wonder if the snake was emitting a little pearl of venom. Yeah.
Why don't you come right? I like the end of a tooth. You know, you see when they squeeze when they milk a snake for venom, and it's got a little dew drop comes on the end of the fang. They put the fangs on the glass and they dribble it down.
Maybe they were doing that with his knobs. So he used to grab it. He just pulled their, pushed their helmet over the glass. Oh, the little nasty grizzly droplet comes out.
The old meat is gone. No, I'm glad you decided to go down this route. No, I'm going down and meet a soul. Come with me down the flesh tunnel of meters.
Oh, a pubes joined me. What's his name? I agree. Jimmy Pew.
Jimmy Pew. Christ. I'm really tempted to have this episode back to people. I know.
I think you should. I'm really gonna. You're the one letting us down. I know.
You're the least weak link here. I haven't been for years. I have to admit it to myself. Snacks.
Snacks. It's raining snacks. Now, we've got some snacks set to us in this. The whole bespoke thing is from Lisa and David.
All of this today that we're going to be sampling eating or judging are from Lisa and David in Norwich. And we're going to start with the snacks. Cheap eats, legal snacks, et cetera. Now, these won't get into the league.
These are the big beats. These are Johnny come snack lately. Johnny's like lately. Jimmy, Jimmy's snack.
Well, hang on. Oh, he's got a rabbit on it. Can we call him Jimmy's snack lately? We can call him Jimmy's snack rabbit.
Yeah. Here we go. Look, he's very happy rabbit on calm down. Sorry.
Getting ahead of yourself. Now, you brought up that point about these aren't worthy of the thing. They're fucking not. They've already mentioned this in the letter.
Let me read. Okay. Not sure if you count these in the league as one of them is an offshoot flavor of popular brand. The happy snacks, however, are brand that both me and my wife are members of kids.
They come in multi-packs of 50 for £1. They always come across as stale and consistent flavor strength, but they are in date, we promise. But we're a good go-to snack, who do they low price? Wow, they're tiny.
These little multi-packs. They are tiny. They're never seen a packet of crisps. So small, in fact.
That's like a fun size. You know what I mean? I know they have those smaller sort of walkers in the multi-packs, which are smaller than your like grab bag, whatever. The whole sizing of this has changed over the years.
The grab bags become almost the normal one. This is standard because that's the one you get in Tesco's or Morrison's or Sainsbury's, which come with a meal deal. Yes. So they are about 90p, but then when you get the meal deal for £3.50, you're all kind of...
But didn't they used to be like normal sized ones? They were bigger than the multi-pack ones, but smaller than the grab bag? You see what I mean? Yeah.
But they don't exist anymore, don't they? They do, but I think most people just go for the bigger bags. Like a sort of corner-top size or whatever. They still have them, but they still have them.
Yeah. I never see those. I never seen that more, no more, no more, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can imagine going into it being an m or whatever and getting a bag of 15 and these are your pack lunch for the next two weeks.
I know, but I'd want more, even with a sandwich on the side, didn't I? And a kick-cat and a juice drink. That was a pack lunch, am I, don't you? Yeah, but this would be not enough.
This isn't enough corn. This is my mum. Put this in the pack lunch. You'd have to wrap that.
Then he's going to go, put some veggie oven now, or put in the mask on. Don't, don't. And put in the mask on, put in the veggie oven, roll it down the ramp. I'll make sure the ramp is lubed.
I will probably be more of a shooter than a ramp. It is a shoot. Yeah. It is a shoot after I've shot my...
You're a great stuff. Absolutely top-by-frap. I've issued into this tissue. I've made an issue in this tissue.
No, but you know it's something issue for? No, I know. I know, but I'm saying I've made an issue with this tissue. I've issued into this tissue.
You've made an issue. Do some piss glue in this tissue. Oh, fish juice. Right, let's eat this.
So these are happy snacks. What's the main company called? It can't seem to... You might have seen some of those snacks.
Oh, they're big, aren't they? Well, they're just kind of your generic British, we make all sorts of things. I believe it's not Frito-Lay or any of those ones. No, nothing's Frito-Lay.
You have to pay usually if you want to put something down. Ha ha ha. Frito-Lay, isn't it? It doesn't cost you anything to lay it.
Sure, sir. It's a good spot. Well, imagine filling an egg with spunk. They're not fried.
They're artificial preservatives. Yeah, they're going for that, aren't they? So they look like... They're depicted on the packet.
They look like little watsits. They look like watsits. There is a cheese one here. We've got three flavours of these happy snacks.
And they're vegan. So that's good, innit? For people who are vegan. I think all these kind of crisps are always vegan these days.
Oh, maybe I... It's weird. I think all crisps are vegan. Unless they've actually specifically got meat.
They don't put meat in crisps anymore on the date for a gram. It wasn't the sort of wives' tale or whatever about... Or an urban legend about the cheese and onion being non-vegetarian. And like, but all the meat flavours being vegetarian.
Do you remember that? It's because of the oil they fried in them. So ready-salted. And cheese and onion I think were done in animal oil.
Or animal fat. Where is everything else like the meat one with... With the vegetable oil. With the vegetable oil.
With the vegetable oil. And with fake flavoring anyway. So that's why it was sometimes shocking to see that the ready-salted weren't vegetarian. Yeah, but I think they are now.
They got over that. It's same with McDonald's used to do their fries in beef teller. Oh, they look very delicious. That's why they're horrible now.
Right. So there were three flavors we got spring onion, salt and vinegar and cheese. Now I've got a difficult history with spring onion flavoured crisps because there was one time I went to my friend's house, got drunk and ate a packet of those squares. Remember they used to do the square one spring onion?
Yeah, really nice. But I can't go back there. I know what you mean. Same with milky way mate.
For me, you can't go back there. Well, you've had a big vomit on them. I had a big old vomit. Milky bars and vodka.
I think I've vomited into my friend's cupboard. The milky bar... Vomits on me. What do you mean to start with?
They're not even enough to fuck. Let's get the spring onion out of there. These are an insult to a child. I mean, if they were hint of a crisp.
Well, this is the main thing about it. These would go to snack for people on a very, very small budget for their food. Yes. Fine.
And also, it's not great for you to eat a load of crisp. But imagine you're in the playground and then it's like, Richington McPhee or whatever comes up. And he has a huge pack of giant wasks. Giant wasks?
That's a thing. Have you seen them? Yeah, I've seen them. They're just big wasks.
They're a little less fun to eat because there's more work involved. And also, there's more inside compared to outside. The volume's bigger. So there's less flavor because the flavor doesn't go all the way through.
Does it on the outside? Did you find they were a bit plainer? No, they were fine. I said, it just weren't as much fun to eat because you didn't eat them all as you pack of wasks.
These felt like a bit more work. Right, let's eat this. Let's do it spring onion first because you don't like it. We can get it out of the way.
I did like it. I just wanted to tell that story about Vomitson. Good. I'm gonna huff this.
Oh. Is it nice spring onion in your half? It's very familiar. It smells like fanyons.
It smells like fanyons. It smells like the fanyons. It smells like the fanyons. Yeah, it's just a little angel poo.
You get in package air. Tiny little what's it things? Yes, they look like peanuts. Packaging peanuts.
Oh, yeah. Very stir. That's just a texture. They're much chewier than what's it.
Do you know what I mean? They're not Christmas. Very nice. I fucking like them a lot.
It's horrible. I got it. Oh, I like that cheapness. Bit like space raiders as well.
They're chewiness. It's not unpleasant, but they're not high-end. I fucking love those. They're cheap and dirty and filthy.
I love them. I fucking ate all of them. Well, that's that one. But there's one load on your knee.
Very generic flavor. Nice. You go to a cheese neck because I think on the profile rainbow, this is probably what you'd go next because it's still got the marmish nature of this going on. That was onion.
Yeah, spring onion. Oh. Smell like a watship. Smells like a little bit more.
Mate, a little bit more tangy. Doesn't smell cheesy at all to me. Smells like classroom glue. Really?
Yeah. That's like, feel-to-putty. No, it's a 40. If I go pour some into your air, just a few.
That's it. Two for you. Two for me. Here we go.
Oh, no. Not a w- I love these. Why do you like that? There's no flavor.
It's the texture. It's that chewiness. So you like the texture almost more than the flavor? Yeah.