I wish I recorded that. Shut up. I wish I recorded dirty squirt. We're not starting like that.
We're not starting like that We know laughter for me this week. That's for sure. No laughter at all. No, so what you up?
You don't make me laugh You got laughing me laugh shamed because I pointed out how your laugh is stupid and sounds like all the animals at the seafront You said seagull and sea lion. Yeah, you were both Both of them is it I'm like a dubstep I just made you did it. So fuck you. What about seeing enemy?
Well, that's no like that's his little anus mouth. No the more like this, are they? Apparently like the noisiest thing in the world because then all of them go off at the same time. It's like just It's just me and it's I was joking what they all like with their mouth ourselves on the rocks Yeah, the spectacular bum bum mouths on the rocks or squirty or squelchy squelch on the rocks eating rocks Paul, I like I like you I would just like to start officially with my impression of a sea and enemy Ladies and gentlemen, performing the role of sea and enemy is actor comedian voice artist Eli Silverman Hello, I'm Jimmy and enemy speaking.
Why is it speaking? I thought I'd give him some character. It's not a very good impression If it's a speaking see an enemy, but Paul is called Jimmy everyone's cool Jimmy podcast. Welcome to cheap show How angry are you mr.
Silverman? Well angry why because I just looked in Italy which is next door We're in the house of Tudor ham. We're in the house of a Tudor With the spoons Tudor mob with the withery spoons today. Yes, and it's a lot of getting a breeze in my armpits It's I can't turn the aircon off.
I got this chill I've got a nicey breeze going from my armpits. Yeah, good. I can see them and quite circulation It looks like you're hiding two Ken Dodds on your arms nice people over 50 will get that give two shit I don't want to listen to our listenership. Yeah, and pitch some stuff.
They might know to Harry Styles under your armpits Is he a hairy boy? He's crazy. He's not frizzy though. Is he he's not frizzy?
I'm trying to think of like a frizzy mopped star mopped hair mopped I'm up to tell you why I'm angry. Do you want to know? I'm not that I did I want to think about fizzy top actors fizzy top now Yeah, fuzzy top actors from the old y'all. I know it's just I think I mean am I just saying that because I always say that I actually genuinely do think we might be the more that you say you genuinely don't want to the more I am more inclined to stick with This to the bitter bitter beginning.
I'm angry because I looked in it too. Yes, which is near the studio Yes, and they've got the source kiosk things in there. You know where the sources live. Yes And it said pimp your pot zoo on it, right pimping noodles is my fucking thing right for one and also pot zoo Take your pot zoo and stick sue it to up to your dick.
So also I mean you wank to off soon Paul off soon You know, I mean that yeah, I hate it to fuck them You know what I'm gonna sponsor to go. No, they don't let's just let's just go out of here. I hate your aspirational bland bullshit Why have you tasted it? It's really bland.
It's like, you know, well, they're not gonna give us a sponsorship now anyway Oh, that's why you have to pimp it. That's why they fucking give you loads of sriracha It's a fucking poor that sriracha in to try and give it some kind of fucking flavor to I'm angry What because I'll guess the reason why we're recording here It's in up because it was their birthday and they forgot quote-unquote. So, you know what we got no guests It's just me and you know in this weird situation where opposite ends of this table We're like I'm about to fire you from the job. Well, I hope you know, I'm not cuz you've been doing good this year In fact, let's do your it's nearly end of the year.
We should do your evaluation. I don't like that Here we go with this. What have you got? Get a bit of an old self imaginary everybody Oh, he's got this.
Oh, he's got his rapping is anyway on a book. What's the problem with that? You're just so cool. Come and sit down Mr.
Silver Missy. I'm already. I'm actually already sitting down. All right, I know but for the magic of radio Let's pretend you're sitting down.
Please sit on radio. Magic of audio podcasts. Thank you. Right.
Mr. Silverman. Please take a seat. Oh, hello.
I'm Jimmy Silverman You see that's not a problem driven having with you this week, isn't it? Well, it's been lots of complaints about you this year. What do you mean? Naughty behavior.
I haven't done nothing. Morgan has done 17 or 18 Brain broke. I think of words you can't think of plates. There's been there's been complaints against me.
Yes, Jimmy Silverman No, you're not they stop calling yourself Jimmy stop calling. Let's agree right now. Do you mean no one anymore? It's called Jimmy.
What if someone is actually called Jimmy then they're allowed to be Jimmy Everyone's allowed to be Jimmy if they Jimmy, but if they're not Jimmy will not call them Jimmy I know new Jimmy's no old Jimmy's no Jimmy Jimmy's unless they were real Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Hello, I mean I saw them hello. I'm Paul Gannon. I'm the chief to the economy. Oh, we don't think you dropped that.
Yeah Well, I was hoping for some feedback. Okay, so how do you feel this year's gone then fucking brilliant? I've been outstanding What's been your highlight you think this year think about all the adventures? Do this year?
I like the ad about ones Yeah, I really like my real house sucked it fucking did why because it's so boring you were bored by Rendles I was because it's a pre-planted forest all of it was basically knocked down in the great hurricane of 86 Yeah, and it's just a bunch of rows of trees in a row all man named in a row. What the UFO element you didn't find any agent? No, it was boring. You know what was good episode what the house of Heath one?
Well, I did clues and you had to follow them and then we went Looked at Schrodinger's house. No, we didn't So, all right, so that was maybe your best episode. What do you think that was your low light? Maybe last week's laughing fit which I couldn't control I would like to suggest the previous 50 episodes from this year.
Yeah, I'd like to suggest they were all your low points So what am I aim? What am I gold moving forward with them? Well, we've got a little bit of punctuality We need to improve that because you're often very late or tardy with your behavior and willing to engage with my behavior Yeah, what does that mean my behavior is late? Yes?
Well, I tell you a joke and you don't laugh for ages I never laugh you do you know you're laughing right now. Okay, try it you won't manage it squad frog I gave her an old's fraud squad I don't want to but I'm not oh I'm too many to talk to game a squad. Let's just start the show mate. You're failing.
I'm a squad fraud No, you've got to be called Jimmy Right, let's start the show. Yeah, we got on the show come up to tell you what we know we've got a guest I know you want to tell me what I guess that's a don't want today. We've got quit. It's got me Jimmy's got me cool Jimmy No, his name is Jimmy Jim John Now you're on tour the way The rails Right now Fuck me You did it again.
I was back to start recording and you let a little Tommy squeaker out Well, that's professionally Real room and the breeze is coming my way. I'm getting it for this way. I got a cold from coming on give me a break Sorry, I can't stop breaking wind stop breaking wind. I haven't you squint about you're forcing them out as well I'm not there's not healthy to fart force out for I'm not forcing you to fart every time you You lean in the direction that opens up your cavity which allows you to pass wind and then you get a full pop I face always go ah You squeeze it and then you see your body tens up and then the fox even that way comes out doesn't even feel rewarding It feels like it just feels like the last gas of a mayonnaise squeezy bottle coming out the last gasp of a mayonnaise squeezy bottle Yeah, okay the last droplet of mayo from a bottle followed by the raspy emptiness of the air behind it You can't what comes out you could say you're far shaming me and there's no need to bring this up and like it's a power Okay, then stop farting.
I can't stop farting. It's a simple matter. Wait, okay I don't want to what about that. Oh, he wasn't going for farting.
Yeah, she's dead. Isn't she she is dead as we speak? I bet she fucking is I bet she is She's dead. Isn't she?
She fucking appeared in her other senate half wasn't she the member of a member and stuff was she yeah? If you listen carefully I I So Paul Fartshamey do a fucking very disrespectful robot version of the Queen impression. Then what else you got today? Hey, what else you gonna pull out your bag today?
What do you do for a living? Oh hello, ma'am. I'm a performer Interesting so why may I hear at the center to have with you? The infros skills it's time you couldn't even go through that.
Oh, we're bereft here. We are so bereft Fuck you know this is this is this is the worst episode of the salty metal slip of robo queen Fucking price a shake. Oh, it's the fucking price a shake. Oh, it's the fucking price a shake.
Oh, it's the fucking price a shake That's fucking right. Yeah, baby. It's my shot again. Precious shot and it's a book EO box delivering which we can both play this game I mean very exciting who won you one last time.
I Won't last again. Yes, but on the nose. You got one of them on the nose. It was a you got one one you got nothing Did you know I got one now you got nothing?
I think I did get my editor edit it so that you got nothing Well, I did one between I think you did get one I did at least there was a no yeah because you know That's all time of late with price a shot. I think it's all for you Can we play the gamble one where we gamble we go by their rules? So what do you mean by the gamble? What gamble do you want to add?
That was that great one where you gamble and you can get double the wings if you get it on the nose with the one that you You gamble all right so at the end of the game when we put the prize on you then have to go that third item and banking that is spot on But if you get it wrong, it's all extra step you say I'm gambling on that. Yeah, but you get it wrong. What's the forfeit? You lose points you you I think you should lose a point if you gamble and lose yeah, yeah, right?
It's less it's within 25 p either way. Well, let's see what the rules are because I'm opening the letter now It's 25 p either way. You just get no betwings no betwings But if you're outside of the 25 p either way blanket one cushion. Sorry cushion.
It's not a blanket. It's a cushion more the throw Hammer yeah, you're swinging in the hammer Webby webby I'm not repeating what you say. I'm although yes, yes, then you should get none at one one for being in the hammock 25 Piece wing either way the final prize the top right the one the nose is a two between yes, but you gamble and your 25 p either way You should get none, but outside of that you get minus one right all right. Let's see how it goes I don't know what the rules are now.
I will say this there's no name on this so maybe they have any answers Which are sealed in a separate loop they are going over here out of reach I can see them there Price of shite contents right there are five items this letter says you got a pen and paper you don't even wait There's a there's a tell you why it says something in the right Let me go read it from the top price of shite content colon five items to guess the price of exclamation mark Hmm personalized Paul and Eli price cards. I don't know what that means POS answers in a sealed envelope So I've got the five items there. Have you seen these? No, I mean I've seen the items Yeah, I'm actually gonna take about the box.
Well, that's given you an advantage right in a shot card Oh, look at this all items purchased in is it ugly Staffordshire or rugly Staffordshire? Spelt R U G E. Oh, yeah, I don't know I'm very specific on Monday 9th of August 2021 from the following shops a few months back and there's no window We don't know if there's a there's no what he spends. There's no ceiling stop it's not Windows a ceiling I see more to window.
How does a window worker? There's no there's no limit. There's no limits. No.
No, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no Window there's no win it's no Oh, oh, it's a price match game Oh, you love it So there's 10 cards with different unique prices on there's 10 cards unique prices on yes And there's five for you and five for me and do they have our pictures on so yeah? We who's who yeah, this is good right? So yeah five cards each with prices on so Eli I'll give yours and that will help explain what the also one card says free All right, I don't wonder what that is one says 50 p one says 95 p one pound quid there and finally one pound 99 There's a five card and I have the same three 50 p 95 one pounds. What is the free card?
That is what peaks mine one of the items I guess must have been free of course so we now have to guess now All right, let's just do it in the order as they appear Scoring between so important in this game. So here's a thing though. Why have they done that? It's just literally They've hello here's the things How you gonna fucking score a fucking between well, I'm gonna tell us that okay?
So here's what we're gonna do we got five cards right that means we can do between each so it's five between On offer a maximum five what you can lock one on you know your deal as the gamble yeah Because we know the prices on don't we so you can say yeah, I'm confident that 50 p one spot on so they have four and then you'd get two Patrins yeah if you were right yeah, yeah, yeah, but you get it wrong you get nothing all right all right Yeah, but are we gonna take turns guessing do you see what I mean because yeah? Follow you and I'm guaranteed a draw yeah We've always taken turns when we remember this is very complicated I want some between I mean it's not important for you you always clap and win this you get between here you get them there I mean nothing to me nothing to you. Oh, yeah, I think to me and they mean something to me It's me nothing to me. Oh Bring out and arch five items and I want all five of them reveal Then we'll do the price okay sure and we'll take turns right one each one love the way You know I can do it item by item okay, so we take ten on getting the item at the end okay Get an item out here is item number one bought for the place called rummages.
Oh, they've got actually an order Yeah, I'm just doing it by the order the letter. It's like to me like what is it that PG monkey thing? It's that PG tips monkey advert monkey thing. What is he called again?
It's called monkey. Oh really yeah because that was the gimmick wasn't it cuz the co-star the live action co-star those Adverts was a Johnny Vegas. That's right and it'll be like oh monkey now Why am I thinking flat Eric flat Eric was something totally different? Yeah, that was for the Levi jeans flat Eric I had a flat Eric looking flat Eric to monkey a bit similar.
No, they were both puppets You know yeah, but flat air equals more kind of like a kind of demented muppet where that just looks like a stuffed monkey Teddy bear like like sack boy from a little big planet Yeah, it's got a big PG chips label on the bum. Yeah, cuz it was advertising bags of TT bags and this one is wearing a poor guarantee It's wearing a towel in gelling dressing gown Yeah, and it's got a little M. Oh, it's like he's gone to a fancy restaurant or hotels I'm not a restaurant you wouldn't do this unless you're really rich filthy fucking pig dick rich disgusting fucking I'd like to go to a restaurant Down just fucking walking it. Yeah, smell my balls.
This is the this is the best restaurant in the land Well, I think you'll find I'm fucking rich now smell my balls wet on your nose every time Your balls they smell like the unopened gutter or a Victorian orphanage. That's how I like a keeper and that's Now this has a quality to it this toy It's a nice thing it's a nice cheap No, absolutely good solid and it's quite quite nice thing really Just the labels we kind of room the effects Don't we can sit that off it? I guess it's because because of the popularity of things like beanie babies labels are kind of part of the deal When you buy them and it's very prominent the PG branding on that has to remind you it's a piece of you know Merchandising and but also this monkey is sort of an update of their very problematic series of ads with the actual real-life action Champs they were the best adverts in the world like those It's monkey's being punished to force become humans and in In common see better James Bond one didn't know the best one was the one about the piano with the two monkeys trying to get it down the stairs Oh, yeah, and the one of the goes oh mr. Shifter Oh, yeah, oh, do you know this piano is on my foot you stick a few balls out fighting That yeah, they could beat them Peanut butter off in their guns He's doing a very funny face everybody yeah now Thought about that how yeah, they were going back to let you's monkeys to sell our still trying to use monkeys but in a problematic Animal cruelty way although they might be in the act of who performed as the monkey they might rub dirt Rob dirt paint up on his arse Oh Right on the dingus that'd be very itchy right on an allergy that we turn right on to start Your helmet would get well inflamed if you better peanut allergies someone yeah, yeah Right next item then this is called oh it's all aside the glass and a little black notebook from a corn's children hospice shop Oh, we're gonna count it as one guess unless it's the free item Oh, well, you sit there and bought it as one doesn't it one two three four oh, I see I'm gone Oh, okay, so this is two eight was bought for one shop.
That's why he's they you know Put them on the same It's a little notebook nice enough little black pad black and red their famous. These are for doing accounts on there Yeah, you always seem like officers when you work there is there is there something written inside Inside what's it say second-hand is yeah, there's also a little image of a leaf on a piece of paper weird This was written ninth of the 11th is that 9 11 that is 9 11 2018 yeah, and it says Linda spent the day in cabin 38 this morning She colored Christmas decorations for lunch Linda ate her pack lunch from home this afternoon Linda listened to music and did a jigsaw image and Ross churries That means Children It's very high writing but it could be yeah, we had why do we want to know what Linda did? You know what spice up a bit image and Ross is nice up a bit. Well if Linda did some some needlework You know I saw Linda shooting up around the beans that's a cross-stitch, you know with it No, I don't know fact that'd be good if it would not be fucking good I'm just trying to live in this bit up by accusing children of being perverts No, I'm just saying if Linda fucking got a badge out and fag out.
Thank you. I would be more interesting the story good That's a lot more I'm just saying sex enough sex up the Linda story churries on Ross Right is an ex-wells I want to see Linda fucking a stride of rockin horse fapping away Is it your best material you like well I never know I never know do I I'm gonna keep this leaf thing you can keep the leaf I like that leaf thing you need to take a shot of that I will take a little message Have a quick look now. Just have a little flick Which I wish Linda would done you don't know Linda I bet she might have been a really kind of honest pure human being they go for it hard Do they do they they sell you don't think there are people in the world you don't need their lives based around the need for sex What's the leaf what does that stand for? Cult the leaf people who just spied they were spying on Linda Leave the mark of the leaf follow Linda make sure you make sure you write down And what she's fapping it hard Right are you happy with yourself Oh a little mini side of you like this already mate I quite like this is quite lovely this is our best item so far That's for sure it's a tiny little side of glass.
Yeah Strong cider well, it's either just a sniff the glass for you know Maybe all the mental one third of a point. Well, I couldn't tell you no It's a quarter of a point. I'm gonna put a volume written on it. Maybe I can't see a little smiley face with the tongue out The bottom of you see that No, but that's like that's funny isn't it?
Isn't it like the old press gang you think we're like these to put pennies in your cup and then the legend goes out when you Finish the drink you saw the penny was like oh shit now. I go say the cross the sea for years Yeah, that was press gang and yeah, this is the same thing you get to the end of the drink you are smiling face now There are some sort of forms of cider and scrampy that are extremely strong up to like spirit This is Cornish cider farm, but the rest of it has got bumps on the bottom and I can't strange I must be for drinking very strong cider so you don't get too pissed too quick. I guess maybe I could just go mental It's a lovely thing. I like it a lot.
Yeah, nice glass. Nice glass. It's got a like a green hue Yeah, I like that when the glasses are green hue. It's lovely.
I am green hue. It's not called Jimmy I'm called green Jimmy And it's got a nice uh, noble bottom. It has a nobly sort of effect along the bottom. Yeah She has a nice bit of texture like item three item four is this it's a Star Trek annual Oh, this is right up your street authorized edition as seen on BBC TV looks like it's a quite good condition Like it's from a BBC authorized one.
Yeah, cuz the BBC used to show Star Trek Yeah, okay, so I would say this is probably from the 70s early 70s. Yeah, it's that an old is that a pre-decimalization cost down there? Yeah, four and six it is 62 and a half NP whatever that means It's got a nice splash page. Yeah I've got a few magazines a splash page These are rock solid full of cam my laptop's got a splash degree.
Yeah filthy old spank. Right. I love the design of this the artwork in the car It's really comic bookie and it is a it's a comic. It's a mix of articles about space comic strips and short stories Strips look like it could be sort of a marvel thing that they've just possible.
It's a lovely thing It's like a classic annual. It's got a nice mix of you know new adventures with the Star Trek crew It doesn't have articles. It's all comic strip. No, there's a few articles in there There's one or two Look at the contents.
What's the contents say? Sparks got some liquid in it's not one of those high the glasses. It looks like it Yeah, that handle sparks grumpy. That'd probably be good Vulcan scumpey the booze of the many outweighs the booze of the few Planet of mystery to work on marketing 53.
I'm looking for one of these articles. Is it? Definitely saw some written article sections. Here we go.
What's it say? There's one bit there's Enterprise examination to become a crewman of the starship enterprise Oh, yeah, I would actually I'd like to live on the other crew man. Yeah, yeah, lower decks. That's me.
And some low decks Is that gonna be a class thing and low decks that they're the sort of the grunts? Yeah, basically. Okay They always say the starships, especially from T. Ed.
Youngwards acted more like you know big ships like big like master commander kind of right those kinds of Very hierarchical structure. Yeah captains, ensigns blah blah blah blah It's strange though that there's a hierarchical structure, but the whole world of star-shirts gonna be sort of this is this is the Co-ed ones been free. It's the conscious of the art of the stream. Yeah, the conscious of star trek was that gene rod and be created This everyone's equal everyone's got roles to play.
Yeah, to explore the galaxy But from start it to onwards it was kind of remodeled because of Nicholas Myers and resemble more like being on a submarine So it was very hierarchical very military they changed it to a more naval system, right? And then that kind of stuck okay to become a crewman of the starship enterprise you must have as well as the necessary scientific training Oh, no, you ask me any science question. I don't think in there. Actually any science history see if you would qualify by completing this simple quiz You want to give this a go go for it.
Okay? Here we go first question. Yes, do galaxies evolve. Yes, it is the what they have evolved good question too.
God. It's there a limit to the universe No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no limits to the universe No, as far as is known the universe has no ending. I got this sort of I know beyond the enterprise. Do you do?
Well, what is the horse head nebula the horse head nebula? Yes, what is the horse head nebula? It is a nebula that looks like a horse's head But when you need more a big horses head is actually a nebula is a cloud-like structure. Yeah, yeah In the universe I thought yeah, but nebula are they known as the birthplace of stars because they've got all that dust and that's what kind of That's like a star nursery.
Oh, okay. That's what the answer will be. It's a cloud of gas and deep space That's what they say. That's what they say.
That's what they say. That's what they say. Well, basically, they say that one ball. You don't come in on the ship though.
I've got two and a half out of three so far. Not bad. How thick? Yeah.
How thick is Spock's cock? Are the rings of Saturn? Spock cock? How thick are the rings of Saturn?
Is it asking for miles kilometers? Is what you know you know you know then it is I would say it's gonna be a few hundred miles thick, right? Has to be like from the center of the plane out to the outer ring. They think it's actually wedge of that wedge.
I'm gonna say one mile wrong but much closer in the ballpark there. They're actually 10 miles thick. They're 42,000 miles across. Wow, that's kind of big.
Yeah, they're not very thick. They're not that much across. Yeah, I know. You enjoying this?
Yeah, I know. I have more questions. There's a few. There's ten.
Let's see one more. How big is the Sun? It 20,000 miles round just in terms of how many times the diameter of the Earth. Let's see.
That's how they're giving it. It's 25 times the diameter of the Earth. No. 109.
It's much bigger than you thought. Well, there you go. Yeah, it's 330,000 times greater than the Earth. Wow.
And it's just a star just burning forever. It's a one day. It stops burning forever. Planet of Mystery.
But that is it. The rest is all comic strips. There's just one double page with text with some that quiz and a little very short article Venus Planet of Mystery. It is a planet of mystery Venus.
Right. Because it's extremely cloudy atmosphere. So they don't have until more recently they sent a probe there. They didn't know what was on the surface.
What was on the surface? Just a barren, it's like fucking hot there. Really? Yeah.
It's extremely hot and inhospitable. It's huge acid rain. These cycles of acid rain and unbearable heat. If you were gonna colonize Venus, you'd have cloud cities floating cloud cities like Bespin in Star Wars.
Right. Yeah. I got Star Wars reference up. That's the fourth item.
Now for the final fifth item that was Star Trekking in Across the Universe. Right. Oh, here we go. It's just the last item.
Yeah. Oh, why is that open? It's wrapped in a wrapping. Oh, it's mint on card.
Can I see it mint on card first? How are they going to get some bloody price? It's called How Do I Date? Dating Skill Discussion Cards by Alison and Amy Roberts.
Oh, no. Dating Skills Discussion Cards. Here we go. Hang on.
Oh, it's just it's just a commonized pizza. Right. The activity blah blah blah rationale behind the game. The game we play by a number of people in a group setting the first place Alexa card at random and reads aloud the question or scenario.
All she gives their response and then has to group to add any of their ideas. That's not even going to be the next participant who choose the card machines before. Well, I'm just going to point. There's no winners and losers.
This is shit. The aim is to just enjoy the, oh fuck off. Then if it's from taking part. I haven't had a proper idea, but somehow this has gone into production.
You can't do anything. I'm not sure for the cards I see you can go. Oh, what? A load of shit.
Eli. Talk about crap with your friends. How do I date? I'll tell you how.
Turn on a plate with an engagement ring in it. First date. Shit onto an engagement ring. Give it to her.
Right. Here we go. Here's a question for you. Turn your ear.
Shut up. I think you're forgetting I can take my ear off the podcast. You fucking go off on a random... Mouth jerk session.
Yes. And all that I knew was I was in my poo, which was dribbling in daughter. Dribbling in daughter. Dribbling in my daughter.
Which is more important. You're worse than me. Eli, what is more important? Cock.
I don't even have to ask me. Dick is. Eli. Ery, dickery dark.
We're going to find out now about your dating knowledge. Okay. Which is more important. The number of people you've been out with or how well the relationships worked out.
Can I just say before I answer? Here we fucking go. This is a load of shit. It's about kids talking about behavior with relationships.
I think so. I think it should be learning about dating. Of course they should. How old?
Early teens out of magic. That's not kids. Certainly enough to start understanding what dating is and what the needs of being with another human being. So what's more important to you?
The number of people you've been out with or how well those relationships worked out. How well the relationships worked out. Wrong. The answer is how many people you've been with.
I joke with. And over how many girlfriends have you had. How many women who've agreed to be seen in public with you and have sex with you? Well, several.
No. Why are we getting to this? No. One, two, three, four, five.
How many? I'm not going to come up to that. I'm not devoting that to you. Tell me.
I'll tell you. You've been weird. How many of you have? 50.
I've had 50 birds. Coming across all the games. That's how the games play. We've had a discussion there.
You've been going up for my turn now. But I had to give my response first. You didn't do it right as according to what they've asked. Did you fucking read the rules?
It's the person who reads a card responds and then opens it up to the floor. You are the floor. I'm skating on you with my big meaty skate in this podcast. You are the floor.
It's spelled F-L-A. Who am I now? Am I now? Yes.
Are you ready? Yes. Are you ready? Because you have to be degraded to yourself and then throw it to the floor.
Which I throw you to the floor and shit in the rear. Oh, sometimes I wish you would. On your nose. So, oh, then it's separated into the floor and then filled the back of your throat.
Oh, no. That comes out your mouth like a big brown tongue. That would not be good. Are you ready?
Yeah. Like dirty play-doh, sir. You stopped having a fantasy bat, shitting his mind face. Yeah, I've come out.
We're all good. Oh, he's come. Oh, brilliant. Come on.
Oh, good manners. Yeah. Old fashioned. Question mark.
Brackets. Things like opening doors for people. Offering carries someone's heavy bag. No, shall I respond to that?
Yes. Whoever wrote this, part of shit. Not to deserve the fucking money they got. And I hate this.
I hate this fucking thing. Why? Why do you hate this shit? It's barely written.
It's not a proper game. It's fucking shit. It's fucking shit. I hate it.
I hate it to understand boundaries and relationship things and how to treat respect. Well, it's not good for that. So you're actually my other one. No, I am an ally.
I am an ally. All right. All right. Our good manners are old fashioned.
I don't even know what that fucking means. No, they're not old fashioned good manners. It's just being respectful. And if you can help someone out with a simple open in the door or carrying their heavy burdens, then yeah, there's just have to be anything more than just being a decent human being.
Are you ready for another one? Yes. What does just good friends mean? It means you let you put your fingers in, but nothing else.
We move on. What's your friend for you? It's just good friends means nothing. It means nothing to me.
This is a bunch of cliché shit. Yeah, it's a good question for you. Last one. It is.
This is a good one. That's not a good one. That's not a good one. Eli, why do you think some teenagers use alcohol before going to a party?
What would be better to handle their shyness? Well, that kind of leads you. Notice that. That's why I mean that's being terrible.
It doesn't necessarily mean shyness. These cards are trying to direct people towards socially acceptable answers. Do you see what I mean? Do you see why?
Because I've objects. You know what we should do? We should go through these cards properly. We do our sex episode again.
Part two. And we'll go through this. It's trying like you say it's leading. It's trying to get people to the right answer.
Why did they not to have sex before? No, it's not. It's not. We don't always bad to wank off, but alone and thinking about dogs.
Which is not negative. Do you know what I mean? Why must you clean your foreskin at least daily? No, you should clean your balls.
No, I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm just saying I don't like them in their political way. It's trying to push you towards it. Do you know what I mean?
I think it is more about you and your hang ups than they've come. So next to respond to that specific card, what would maybe be better to get over their shyness from preloading? Do some cocaine. That'll get your mouth going.
And then drink. Great. You are great. You are great.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Fucking do a wine enema. Our final act.
It's time for the scoring. It's time for the scoring. I'm going to get raging. Ask wine right.
Send me the book and give me the monkey now. We need to put on the table and send you the book. Now through the mail. Deliver me the book.
Now. Hello. Hello. I've got a book here for Paul.
Thank you. Right. I'll be off. Hey, that's how it should happen.
Here's how Hermes does it. Hello? Fuck you. I threw the book.
Yes. Certainly did. So get the book inaudible. Yeah.
Oh, UPS, thank you. We're well-uninized. Yes. And the monkey.
Oh, there you go. Right, so here we go. Scoring time. Five items, five cards.
You go first. I will go first. We're going to do it from the order that we've done it in. So the monkey goes first.
I'm going to say the monkey was 199. That's what I'm saying. The monkey is 199. Eli, what do you say?
I remember Eli wants to play the gamble card, so we'll see how that goes. Only if I'm for sure or something. Yeah, no, fair enough. But what do you think the monkey's worth?
We've got 50p, 95p, 1 pound, 199 or 3. I'm going to go 1 quid for the monkey. I'm going to go last side of the cup. Eli, you go first this time.
What do you think it is? 50p, 95, 1 pound or 3. You've got left or you've got everything but the 1 pound 3. And what do you think that is?
I've got an idea. I'd say. Well, 95. Yeah, you know what?
I'm going to go. I was going to go 95. I can see this as well. No, no, I have been holding it like the whole time.
Next is the book. I go first. 50p on that. I reckon for that book.
Why not? 50p for the book. Yeah. I'm going to play my free card.
Oh, yeah. Too late now, you can't. No, why is it too late? I mean, I fucking don't.
Because I want some wing of the swing of beneath it. I guess none of these will be free. I forgot the free card. You know, I'm going to change it.
I'm going to take 95p on the book free for the glass. Well, I want to do the book. But now you can play the book. I do the fucking book.
I'm swapping it out. 50p for the cup and free for the book. Well, it can't. You are such a cheating card.
No, everyone heard it. You made the decision to put the fucking 50p on the book. And then you saw me play my free and you changed the whole. No, no, I will not accept it.
Actually, I will not accept it. We agreed the order of play. I'll go first for the next two items. No, that's it.
So then you can't complain. Oh, God, this is just the whole game has been thrown for me. No, there's no point fucking playing it. No, book is 95p.
No. How do I date is £1? What have you got? Fuck you.
I just say, fuck you. I deserve, if that book was free, you should not get it between us. I'm going back whenever I put down. I'm going to start messing around.
You've changed your mind. That was not allowed you to change your mind. We've always been allowed to change your mind on this show. No, we're not with this though.
You always bring it up. What's the point of having an order of going first and second? You can just go, I'll just copy him. I'll just make it right and I'll copy him.
You have failed this. You have failed me as a friend today. And as a rival, you're not even worth it. I'm just like, no, no, I will not.
I will not be silenced for this. Everyone heard you cheat. You have achieved that. I'm allowed to change your mind.
No, you've done it plenty of times. You've even said when we've done similar games, I'm allowed to change my mind. Not on this version of the game. Fuck off, mate.
You'll have a little bit of moment because you're thinking, Paul's done this. He's application is for fucking genius. You are a twat. You are a twat.
I'm going to say 199 for the Star Trek. One 99 for Star Trek. And you are 199 for Star Trek. 50p for how do I fucking date?
Jesus, where? Right. Envelope, open. Give me it.
I'll open it. Thank you. So you have another opportunity to fucking cheat. Not going to cheat because I'll let you look at the fucking letter.
I am above reproach. So when you read these out, we eat them out in the order of the item. I'm going to see what we've got in here first. Monkey, glass, book, Star Trek, how do I date?
That order. Okay, let's see what we've got in here. Oh, it's all wrapped up within wrapped up. Answers.
They've been carefully folded. It has been very carefully folded. Nice little set. It's got the same order.
Oh, fuck it now. Just do by the reveal. So what monkey first? You said £1.99 into the monkey years.
Three. Fuck. I didn't see that coming. Yeah, so you fucking right there.
Right. Because you said it's all free. I made a good honest guess. Which you thought was right?
You told me. You absolutely can't change it now. You cannot change it now. Stop trying to do a monkey or whatever.
This whole price of shit is being a shit show. It's been an e-lise fault as well. It's not my fault. Next item is the glass.
Cidercope, one quid, you said 95p, I said 50p. Do I get one between? No, Patwins. Remember, it's a between for being the right card.
I got 25p, does it? It does. It's the price you assign. I think you should be nice and be a big big man about this.
No, be mature about this. The game is, you attach your price to the item, the item, the price match, you get eight between. In my heart, I know I'm getting a between there. I'm not getting a between there.
I don't care if you want this up. All the numbers, no, I got a between there. The next item with the book we both said three, we're both from. What the price of the little 50p for the price.
Which you would have gone in from there. Right, you said originally, isn't it? Oh, Stinger, you twat. That's it.
It doesn't pay. Fucking cheating, doesn't pay. Oh, well, if you've let a fucking lesson from this. I'm ahead with one between.
Where have you seen that? Star Trek book is what? 99. You got that right.
Fuck yes, that's two betweens. It's one between. I've got two because I was in with 24. No, you have one between.
How many do you have, Paul? I have no betweens. And what's the last thing? The item is the How Do I Date Game.
95p, we both got that wrong. So, there you go. Eli is today's winner with one Poxy between. Well, I won.
I think that's the most important thing. Don't shrug at me. Don't shrug. One point isn't a win.
What do you mean it's a full failure? I think that's one of my most hard-earned pitwings ever. No. I was on the fucking nose.
On the top of the bottom, this fucked me off. So fuck you. Fuck this segment. Oh, don't throw that on the floor so hard.
I want that. He's having a little angry. Don't break the... Stop throwing stuff.
Don't. I wasn't going to throw the glass thing. I'm not a monster. Why, why, I didn't say nothing.
I just press the button. I just press it now. Well, you fucking ruined it. You ruined it.
It wasn't me you ruined it with your little tantrums. It wasn't petty. I think it was a very important point. It's a pride.
I'm an ulti-like. I would say, you say, rafor, something. I don't know. It's all the same stuff.