Hello everybody. Hello everybody. Welcome to the cheap show podcast. It's the cheap show podcast with me, and my silverman and me, Paul Gannell.
Hello. I like to thank all the people who reached out on Twitter to say how much they enjoyed all the hard work I put into researching and getting the stuff for the Saturday morning showdown to father. And especially the people who see the hard work is E. Lied to rank away fantasy.
Now, I have something to take away now. Now Paul, I had to know all the work. No, he got tossed off by water. Oh, don't please in all seriousness.
I have to take this to a serious level now. Okay. Yeah. Yes.
And it's about that unfortunate confession that I made on last week's episode. Okay. You ashamed? No, it's got worse than it.
Was it TMI? No, Paul. Go on. There's been developments.
Developments, okay. And as a swimming pool turned up and said she's pregnant, there are paddling pools in the Lechworth area. You were claiming I'm their dad. No, it's not.
It's not fucking funny. It is. It's my fucking life we're talking about here. Okay.
And I've looked into some of these. Some of them aren't even paddling pools. Some of these are there's a jacuzzi. You know, you know, it's one of them's a fucking puddle.
Now, you know, you can't trust them. They lie though. And I just want to say I will do a DNA test if there's any legitimate paddling pools that come forward. Yes.
But if you're a jacuzzi, come on. You were born a P-Day or something. Especially if you're a B-Day. Fucking B-Day trying it.
So I'd just like to say, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. Okay. I was trying to think of the gag about alimony, but I can't ask.
I have a gag. Go on. I've developed this gag pool. Here we go.
Let's go right into the credit sequence. You were saying, oh, you can't do a gag. No. Take a sip.
You can't fucking do a gag. Take a sip with a gag right now. You can't do a gag. I won't interrupt.
Oh, anyway. Yeah. I got pugger. I'm really bad.
I'm really boring. Oh, I got. I'm shaking every week. Oh, bye.
I got wagged off by water. Come on. That was great. Anyway, you're ready for the joke.
Oh, fire. He's Lido. Lido. Right.
Here's the joke. I'll say nothing. Don't fucking it. I promise.
I'll tell you what. I'll say I'm on the volume down on the thing. Don't have to do that. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli's joke.
What did the doctor say to his patient who had diarrhea when he wanted to ask him a favor? I don't know. What did the doctor say to his patients when he... Patient who had diarrhea and wanted to do him a favor?
You fucked it now. I haven't listened. Star again. All right.
God, this cold. Don't repeat it. Don't fucking repeat the joke. OK.
I'll just... Just say it. Yeah, just move it. I'll just say I don't know.
OK. All right. So you have a bit of call response. I've worked on the fucking build up and then you missed fucking paraphrase my build up.
All right. It's fucking... I didn't expect to... Don't paraphrase my build up.
I didn't expect to be neither in the joke. No, you're not. You're not, Paul. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli's joke.
Take two. What did the doctor say to his patient who had... Duh. What did the doctor say to his patient who had diarrhea when he wanted to ask him a favor?
I don't know. What did the doctor say to his patient who wanted to ask him a favor when he had diarrhea? Do me a solid. Come on.
That's a real joke. Yeah. Well, the cheap show. Yeah.
I hate you. I got fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's a fact of cheap show you're going to have to learn the fucking accent.
Chee show. Chee show. He likes to have them. The cheap show.
And a girl and a nuzzle. Hello. Welcome to cheap show. I'm Bill Gannon.
That is Eli. Sylvan, am I here for another week of bargain basement laughs in more than one sense of the word. What's the other sense? That wish it.
Here we are. Here we are. Gonna tell you the past basement in terms of its cheap was free. Yeah.
And also its shit. We are shit. Shit and free. It's important we point that out to save us any real criticism from the comedy press.
Yeah. Here we'll be on that now. Oh yeah. I think we're better than reviews.
Well, we're out in the wilderness here. In the podcast. We're in the podcast. Forests hacking away.
I see some fruit. Oh. Oh. The fruit makes a noise.
It's an owl. It's a fairy owl biscuit. No, it's a banal. Oh my word.
I can't work with you anymore. It looks a bit like Prince Tarnot. No, it looks like a fairy sausage upside down. Oh.
Right. We're gonna start this. It sounds like a car beat. It sounds like a car beat.
Oh. Now what we've got coming up on the show? That's what I used to say. As agreed, Mr Silverman.
Because we did a lot of Ganon stuff and nostalgia on TV this week, we're going back to good old food stuffs. Food stuffs. You like to cheap eats and also a little bit of what people really deep down. What they really want.
They really want. Except, you know. What they really need from this show. The service that people are looking for when they become involved in the long term cheap show listening relationship.
It's just you know. That we all know. The data set of the wise. It's the end of the room these days because if you're fucking attitude.
But everyone knows it's noodles. The data says the wise. The data says fuck you. No, the data says.
Oh, just. Oh, the data's coming. Fucking noodles rule. That's what the data says.
The sad factor is your heart. The sad factor is you launched your career on the internet off the back of a noodle monologue on barsions. Right. And after that, you've been trading on that one piece of beef that you have from people more noodles.
I could monetize my love of noodles, but I don't because I've got a pure love of it. No, you don't because you can't. You can't do your bone idol. Noodles everyone coming up later in the show.
Yeah. So we have noodles. There's the penance. What do you mean?
There's our penance for sitting through the. Oh, hard penance. No, your penance is stand up. Your penance is turned up.
Oh, my penance is weeping a little tear. Milky tears. Okay. So on the show today, we're going to be going through some instant noodles that he loads water on.
Fuck you. Oh, the area upside down out sausage. Oh, all of the area is always left. The little pellet.
Yeah, it's fucking smells bad. And the pellet smells like sweet as fudge. Oh, it does. Oh, whoo.
Right. So she beat it first. We're going straight into that, are we? Mate.
I don't know. Where's the foreplay? Couldn't I try to give you foreplay? Take it right now.
Even now I'm off up. She's like, just do that. I'm not fully wrapped. But what's I mean?
I'll work it up. Should I just stick it right in now? No foreplay. No minstering around.
No. If I wouldn't do that to you, the look in your face was so disdainful. Well, I just wasn't. Your thing you're doing with the owl wasn't really.
You fucking love it. No, no. No, no. Oh, well.
No, no. Well, no. Where was this natural habitat? It's in.
Funnily enough. Habitat store. Habitat. It's like your habitat is a habitat store.
Well done there. Well done for the. Making that reach to habitat. I don't even know if habitat is a.
Well done. You heard me say the word habitat. And then I asked you to do one simple piece of inventive creativeness. Do you know what?
Habitat. The habitat. The habitat. Oh, mate.
That's good. That was good. Ooh, he loves it there. Is that it?
You wet yet. Can we get up? No. No.
We've got a package that's been sent us from the band. Yes. By the way, events got a brand new Keep Show magazine coming on its way to Patrons. And this month, it's crazy what events manage to get.
So you've got your patrons. I think there's a certain amount of secrets I think it might have been announced. Either way, all I'm saying is Patrons have got a particularly awesome edition of the magazine coming rather soon. But you don't have to be a patron of our podcast to see the magazine.
No, if you want, you can go to details on the website, but you can go to events shop for the Keep Show and buy yourself a physical edition of that magazine. Right. But you also get access to all of the digital copies if you support us for it. If you're on the page on it.
No matter what do you get, the magazine when events deems it suitable for release. And so scheduling more. Also, are they able to view digital copies to the old ones as well? Yeah, and the minute you become a patron, you get access to all the back catalog.
You've got a little bit of searching, because I don't know how it will work. But you can go through all the tiers, and there's like four years of shit now. There's a lot of mags out there that have been done over the years. Event calling, or...
Valkol. What do you mean Falco? They're the artists who sang Vienna Calling and wrote me Amadeus. Valkol valkriapadogos.
Is it the original FADALITY battle? Do you know that? No, I don't know. That's not German at all.
I would do it. That's not what it is. No, you're not. You're a stage.
Oh! Mate, I might be the funniest man in the world right now. Or the paddling pool. It might be a set up, but I'll give you a point on it.
Quick, quick, quick. What did the chair say to the... The Peter Fruit. Oh, I can't believe it stained me seat.
Next one. What did the car say to the opera singer? Broom. That is funny.
No, I can't go with this. Broom. Broom. I can't go on with this.
One more. One more for my ego. I'm knocking at the pot this time, I promise. What did Edward Woodward say to the prostitute?
Five pence, please. What did Edward do? He asked her for money. He said that, did you?
Well, I said the set up specified that Edward... I was changing now. I was changing now. Why is the owl?
It's changing. The owl sausage thing is watching. I'm telling you, I'm tired. We should start this big.
I'm committed to this. You fucking said you were going to knock those out of the park. That was probably the worst work you've ever done. Honestly, I was calling it.
I mean, I know you were. You couldn't... I tried to go on impulse. You couldn't think of anything then.
I'll give you one quick then. What did the chicken say to the fishing net? Caught. It doesn't make no sense, Captain.
Right. So we got a box, if any sense. We got mad. That's it.
We've still been... We got a box. We got... Dovasole.
But, come on. Let's taste some food. We need energy. The set up of the show is...
Events box of delicious treats and then your noodle showdown. There's a little free way noodle showdown. Everywhere's a showdown. All business.
V and a call. So let's start this episode properly right now with Events box. We should have better ending than that. No, it's really.
Events box coming next. You didn't put a sound effect in. Blop, blop. No.
I mean, the one in the figure's out. I'll do that now. I can do a sound effect with my mouth. Go on.
So, it's a eight of an's box. And now we're going straight into Events box. Hee hee. Caught.
What call? We can't do. That's it. The caught.
Right. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep, cheep, cheep.
Cheep, cheep, cheep. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. Chee, cheep, cheep, cheep. So Threadendo is a Too Meenist Time.
We're going to dive into the Loveybox event. It says, with so many delicious goodies and also as a side event. Events... Ind excluded..
Events! Events! Events! Events can all do it.
As a side event. Then, also, put these tiny little... I think they've got you Transmission toys. I think they must beuiigutched out among toys but these are fucking beautiful things.
These are little, it's a, it is gatch-a-pond because they always have these collections of, no, they say a range of a different types. So what these effect we are are, like, you know, we've had like, a labyrinth toys, essentially. Like rock and roll maze, squoobles, and all the tiny teeny ones are those tiny ones. And we're gonna make this a Patreon video, I think.
So that's something to look forward to. If you're a patron we're really selling that off this week. I don't know why, but yeah. But we can, you can see photographs, we'll take photographs of this.
Yeah, yeah, and a beautiful, in the series, there's a little miniature sort of ice hockey rink, sorry, air hockey rink is there. And then we're left in a little booklet with all the, these ones, all the range. These ones all seem to be sort of labyrinth toys. No, little, little bearing with them.
Those ones are, yeah, sorry, the ones that we've been sent. I think they're all different. We might have one or two the same. These two are the same.
Yeah, they're very much like scoobles, scramble, all those kind of, totally common. Some little marble-run things, and then you get a little ball, they're fucking fantastic. But again, these things do have little kind of rock and sock and robot toy. There's some kind of weird contraption, there's a Pachinko machine, there's some kind of ball bearing fighting game.
I don't know, these are great. Aren't they great? Yeah, absolutely great. Rubik's, the Crucibilabic's labyrinth thing.
You were given as a lovely Christmas present. A Christmas present. Very difficult. It's a bit of a head-thuck, because you have to line these, there's four different labyrinths in the four blocks.
No, it's eight. Yeah, four squares. So four by fours, eight, isn't it? Is it?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Twist, twist, it's only four by four, so there'll be eight blocks in general. Okay, so there's eight general labyrinths in the... Is there eight, maybe?
Yeah, wait, no, is it one, one, one, one, one? Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. No, it's a little late. No, if it was four, it'd be flat.
No, if it was four blocks. Oh, yeah, it would be. It would be flat, wouldn't it? Yes, so it's a little sneer you gave me.
Oh, Tommy! Oh, Tommy! Oh, Tommy! I was like, oh, I can crush your grape!
You could crush it grape! Oh, I can talk about Tommy! Sorry, I thought... Yes, it's eight.
Sorry, I know a claim to be great, Maffs. No, but you always tell me how shit I am. Well, that thing about nitrogen, being explosive, that was funny. Yeah?
That was funny. Yeah, do you know what else was funny? You were admitting you wagged off by water. Listen, what happened is a special feeling started in Daddy's Belly.
Right? Yeah. And it goes, ooh, ooh, imagine this. It had used to happen to be in the sea as well.
Yeah. With the waves, you know? The real waves in the sea. Yeah.
And it builds, ooh, ooh! So what I'm saying is you're a sea or water master based. I didn't touch myself. I've had any time during this.
If you do this in the water in the sea, does that mean little rock pools are going to start spraying up everywhere with me? Little bad creatures. Yeah, little crabs going out of rock pools. Eli crabs.
I love them. Anyway, let's taste some fucking stuff here. So I've then also sent some lovely food, stuffs and drinks for us to taste. What would you like to start with, Mr.
Silverman? It's all up to you. And then we should start with this kiss burn stuff. So, yes, it's braised beef.
I imagine. No, it's not braised beef. What does it say there? What's the last word, Paul?
I'm sorry to get all... Yeah, okay. The word flavour is there. But you had dropped me before I got to the word flavour.
So you went, I went braised beef before I got to flavour. No, I thought you were fine. Here's the thing. Let me break this down psychologically, Eli.
You ask a question to me. I've noticed this over the last few episodes. Okay. This was about your psychology.
Right. That means you can't be wrong or not have that knowledge in your head. There's this air that you have to have where, you know, what happens is you go, this here's how it breaks down. And I invite listeners of the podcast to go back into past episodes and see when he does this.
Right. Eli goes, so what he do? And then I'll say, well, he likes to... Okay, I did that.
Yes, I did that. Yeah, I knew that. I knew that. I knew that.
I knew that. I knew that. I knew that. You have to jump to the end.
I'm sorry. I'll try not to do that anymore. Kiss burn braised beef. It sprays me flavour.
It's flavour. A little bit of meat. It's sort of a meat. It's sort of a flavour then.
What is the actual thing we're eating? I reckon what we're eating is a soy-based meat substitute. Oh, that's... It's braised beef flavour.
If it was braised beef, it'd just be braised beef. Yeah, true. What's that meat that you buy in bags and it's all dried out? Jerky.
Yeah. Built on. Who? Built on.
He lives down the road. He makes yachts. He builds them with here he comes. Mini gluten snack.
Braised beef flavour. That's gluten sweetener. Mini gluten snack. That's literally all it says.
There's a mini gluten snack called a kiss burn. Ingredients wheat flour, soy, water. It's gluten. It's gluten.
You know what else is gluten? I think... I mean, what? You're meat substitutions.
Have you ever eaten the Japanese food product, satan? No. It's a sort of meat substitute, but a lot of meat substitutes are on the soy. It's a van outside, probably a lot of slow muting.
A van outside. The van itself. Why an even outside? So you know usually a meat substitute would be soy based.
Yes, like corn or something. No, corn isn't. No. Corn is mushroom based.
Bean feasts. To tofu, basically. Toefood is used as a meat substitute, but also you can use gluten. Wheat gluten.
And the tasetan, and that's what this is as well. Tasetan is a very... They use it for fake fried chicken and stuff. Ooh!
I tried chicken shock, a temple of Satan. Anyway, nice. I tried a vegan chicken burger the other day. And?
It was good. Well, it was just a place up in Crown Chend. I can't remember what it's called, but it's really nice. I had a really strong garlic aioli.
Oh, a aioli. Aioli lives next to Bill Tom. Oh, it smells nice. That's a nice five spice.
Asian five spice smell, this kiss burn. We haven't, it's a strange name, a kiss burn. Is it like a scab? No, kiss burn.
When you kiss as a so hot date scorch, baby. Have you ever had a kiss burn on your knob? No, I have. Have you?
Someone with very raspy mouth. You give me a kiss burn. Someone had carpet inside his mouth for my knee to shock. I'm going to try some of this right now.
It looks like a cube, it's sort of a strip of brown. It looks like jerky. Rubbery jerky. And it's very strong smell.
Oh, it's very fibrous. Very fibrous. It's like a greasy fibrous. It's a bit currier.
It's got a very strong cumin flavour. That's that flavour. It's all right. It's got a little snack.
A little bit of burn afterwards. It's the kiss burn. That's what it is. It's all right.
In a pack lunch or something, you know what I mean? It's a ganine. It's a nibble on. What else do you do with it?
It's sweet and a very cumin-y sort of, you know, that cumin flavour. I think that cumin flavour is a bit strong. It's got the texture, actually, when I think about it, of like a gummy sweet. It is almost.
More fibrous. Like the wine gub. Almost. Almost.
Not quite, but not 100% unpleasant. You can't walk it down. It's a nibble. It's sort of over.
I just didn't like the cumin. The intensity of the cumin flavour there. I think the aftertaste is kind of, it puts you on the back foot because it gives you such a nice aftertaste that you've got to have a bite and then the bite isn't quite as nice as the aftertaste. If you bite it, you go, ah, don't ever like the texture.
It's not like the texture as much as the flavour. I think it's like a softer flavour. A softer texture. Yeah.
It's quite chewy and fibrous almost. Maybe it was more like a slop. That's a gluten. Yeah.
That's the gluten. I'm going to grade it. I'm going to give it a B minus. Oh, I think we're both thinking along the same pathway.
Next one then. Let's do the fucking ice cream flavoured smoothie to clear the cumin out of my gobble. These were also one of these. Obviously.
And we looked it up and it does say, I mango ice cream flavoured smoothie and it comes in a little, punch bag. Sache. It's like the kind of a parade. It's like a astronaut food or something.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's got like a sache, a rectangular sache with a quite complicated looking opening mouthpiece where you suck the little kind of boring where it says squeeze and put your gobble or something. Keep it in the fridge.
Oh, I didn't do it. Although it has been in the cold part. It's like, he's quite chill anyway. You think about it.
He looks warm. How long have you had him? When are they right? These are going to be so bad.
Is there a bed before? Yeah. 20th of this month, 2022. So we're good.
Okay. Here we go. It's got a weird kind of snap twist. I have twisted mine.
Smells a bit like fruit. Smells a lot like mango. Oh, it's a little. Oh, he's got it on his fucking.
I think I need to shake it first to mix it up. All the dirty mango waters come off the top, mate. Yeah, maybe that's what I thought today. It's separated.
It's fucking separated in the sache. It's sweaty, separated sache. I do like, maybe it's meant to be a juicer. It's not meant to be like a smoothie.
It did say smoothie, didn't it? Ice cream, flavour, smoothie. Yeah. When you did the translation.
Oh, that sounds like you blanking off. Well, that's a bit of a smush for Mr. Splashy about. Everything of that down, will I?
It's replaced in everyone's mind, as if you were being sick and out of the same time. Member? Yeah. And I haven't mentioned the incident.
It's not about the incident. It's getting too close for comfort. Tell me about that. Right, I'm having a little bit more mix now.
It's still juicy. Oh, that's all right. It's very jelly-like. I quite like that.
It's all right. It's a bit pulpy. It's a bit more jelly than I thought it was going to be. It's got a jelly element.
I can tell you've got a real issue with that kind of texture. Anything of it's what I don't know it's meant to be jelly. You know, if I promise my smoothie and it's a bit more jelly. Is that what he said to you when he spanked it?
I'm the latest alleyway encounter. Right. Thank you for that. You never even look in their face.
See it? No. I like you fucking drops your pants around a puddle apparently. That's not too bad.
No, it's not. It's all right. I've never been a huge fan of mango flavor. It's not a good thing.
I like mango flavor. It's a bit too sweet. I love the flavor of mango, me. But as a great, I'd probably give it a C.
Again, it's something you'd put in a lunch box. It's all pack lunchy. It's all very pack lunchy thing. I think that's all right.
What would you give it then? I'd give that a B. I like it. Yeah.
It's very juicy. I'd give it a B. I'd give it a B. I don't know why I'm going along with your bloody, your new scoring system.
You don't have to. I was going to do it. Well, I don't feel left out. Well, they make your own scoring arbitrary system for something that doesn't really matter anyway now.
I can't think of a scoring system. How about waves? Two waves out of five. Listen.
All behind me now. Real six footer. That is. It wasn't about the size of the waves.
It was about the repetitive flowing motion of the waves across my nads. Yeah. Did you have those jets on swimming pools? No.
It's not about that. I'm blasting my nuts. I'm blasting my nuts with it. Let's move on to the drinks.
I would like to try this one first. I think I might not like it. The rice pudding. It's not rice pudding.
It's rice punch. It's a Paul dough. Now, Paul dough make noodles. They make ramen.
We tried a couple of noodles over the years, I think. We ate their cheese ramen. That's the one. They're a competitor of Sam Young.
Sam Yang. Sam Yang. Sam Yang. And also the big boys of the Korean noodle world.
So, there's a nice punch. There's no equivalent in the West. They said in the art of the West. We have rice pudding in the West.
Yes. No, because what the closest would be what's that? Saki. That's part of the world.
But in terms of the West, that's most well known. That's wine. They drink warm. Do you like Saki?
Yeah. It's a small amount. It's not loads. It's savory.