Granddad Wrinkletoe, they call me. Hello, Granddad Wrinkletoe. I've got fungal infections. We're about on your toes, Granddad.
Oh, my no, Ben. They're just going to be wrinkled tag because I've got very wrinkly toes. What is this? The fackin' filth...
Fackin'... Right, that's our shortest cold open world. That's not a fucking cold open! No, it is!
I'm just trying to warm up and this shouldn't be... this is sub-professional-marric-level material which should not be exposed. Are you saying that? That grandpa...
It dilutes the whole round of the podcast. It shouldn't be released to the general public. No, it's not up to scratch. Right.
Do you want to try another kind of live scratching? It's what Grandpa Wrinkletoe does. It's gnarpe... Thank you!
Top draw still. It's spliches on his helmet! Oh, flaky. Every character you create.
As a gnarpe... It's a groty gnarbend. As a gnarpe... Or they infer...
Some kind of penis. They infer... Some kind of penis. I'll tell you how I'm infer...
I'll come in and I'll infer a penis, Paul. Yeah. Hello. What's an adlump?
Is it...? I'm not infer. No, I've got it. You've got it.
Look. I'm fucking this animal. It's infer. My penis is infer.
Right, you've ruined it. Right, right. Right, right, right. You and Grandpa are Crinkle Crackers.
Whatever's name is. What have we got coming up on the show? Let's just start the show stage. Welcome to The Cheap Show.
Hello. I hate you and your fucking moodle posse. People love noodles. Is it the fact that Cheap Show you're going to have to learn the fucking accent?
Cheap Show. Cheap Show. It's the place of shame. Be like Silver.
Welcome to Cheap Show. And a girl with her nose all. You want to ask me again then? Well, why we got coming up on this week's edition.
Fucking nothing! Nothing. Just quiet. Just going to be a nice quiet episode.
It's just relaxing. We just do anything. Every week. Content, content, content, content, content, content, content.
I'm trying. Some of the stuff that you put out. I think we don't need content. Some of that stuff you put out is baby content.
It's you saying I'm sexy Paul over again. That's the breakout hit from last week's episode. That is not the breakout hit for last week. Sexy Paul.
I'm sexy Paul. Sexy Paul. What are you doing? You're doing an impression of Chloe.
Oh, it's trying to go. Yeah. Crinkle Crackers. I'm going to do Grandpa Crinkle toes in the style of BoE.
No, I'm going to do Grandma Crinkle Crackers. It's a very flaky scalp. Oh, yeah. What's going to say, Fanny?
I wish you had. Oh, no. Well, you think it's Amsterdam's for the expectations. You go low.
I go high. Literally the scalp. Yes. The scalp.
Can you? No. The end of your hair is if they point straight up. If you've got a spiked hair cut.
Is the hair part of the body? They are dead cells. They're like nails. You're fingernails.
You cut it off. What's part of your body? Hand above your head. Then the finger nail will be.
It'll be higher than your scalp. But only temporarily. Anyway, let's just relax. I've got a limited content.
We're not doing content this week. You said we were. I'm going to have some more vibrato on that place. Can you have some more vibrato on your Twitter?
What's that? vibrato. Vibrato. Hello.
Hello. What? You say my name? You say my name?
Italian vibrator. You say my name? vibrator. vibrator.
vibrator. vibrator. vibrator. vibrator.
vibrator. What do you do? I'm working on an ice cream shop. Okay.
Nice. I'm working on a lot of my spunk. Here we go. There we go.
I'm replicating the molecule of my spunk and I'm calling it a raspberry ripper. Your spunk. My spunk. Right.
Vibrator. I've got a lot of time. Vibrator. No, we have on the show today.
Two segments. Vibrator. He goes night clubbing. Does he have another side of him?
Not just the work. No, he's got all work in no plays. He makes a jacket. Very dull boy.
Replicating your spunk molecules to put into an ice cream. I think he'll replicate them. He's got a special technology. He just wags twice.
That's how you do it. Oh, no, no, no. I'm talking industrial level. Actually, I don't want to know.
I don't actually care for this conversation. So we're moving on. Next time he's round. Yeah.
When he comes round, when he's sort of around here, he's actually asking. Because he likes to talk about it. Good. I'll leave it.
Actually, he calls me. He calls me. He calls me. All your characters.
And I also hate talking to them. He's also, you know, he's Italian French. That's why the accent is so spunk and forth. Yeah, I'm Mexican as well.
I'm talking about Italian. I spent time in all three of those. For those countries. No, it sounds like he's very cosmopolitan.
Very. That's one of his ice cream flavors. Is it? Shitspong blood.
Shitspong blood. Yeah, right. No, I wasn't going to do that. I wasn't going to do that.
You're the one who is either shit, blood, cum or vomit or fucking animals. Like, okay. So I do master staples. No, we all know.
Stables. Talking of staples, which is a shop. It's a store that sells up for the store. I'm doing the link.
No. I'm doing the link. But it's tenuous. You can't just go from spunk to link.
I didn't. I sent some staples to shop to tell us from the shop floor. Well, on the show today we have a tales from the shop floor. And I'm going to go and say it right now in advance.
This one's a grizzly one. Bear with. It's not like necrotic fuckholes. Bear with.
Bear with. Bear with. What's the spelling of the word bear? Do you use to say bear with me?
Be AR-y? Be AR. It certainly is. So why is it not bear as in naked though?
It's the same bear as I bear it. I can't bear it. That's spelled like the animal as well, isn't it? It's the same word.
Bear with me. I've just never thought about that. Bear with me. Bear with me.
Bear with me. Bear with me. Bear with me. Bear with me.
Bear with me. Bear with me. Well, this is another episode of Brucey's abunn helper. Bear the Yang Lange.
You hit the face. Theot We Hiddeter by AppleashotMnersoul Hell, a Pepper Bull's Edge. You know you will learn how to sound like the guy on, the Regis of the Racing on TV and there is Nigel Mansell going roundhairo corner. He is you are both dead, aren't he?
Cheery cheery Eli with his up to date information on celebrities. Are we still going this bit? I'd like to hear this from the Men's Bridge that we'll go to in a second. P70T and we'll get Phantom Twinges inside that section.
Potential Phantom Twinges on the platform will get to the top floor. to the tip, twinges, ghost pains, riding around in my nipples. Yeah, you gotta get a cringe from your snoots to your gooch. You got the gooch in everybody.
Snoots to gooch. Tick that fucking box. Four said gooch, that should be the main thing. You get fucking bingo automatically when you say gooch.
That's all you ever find in a cheap show bingo card floating about the internet. That's an apple says gooch on it. You've developed that rich thing. You love gooch.
I love gooch. Yeah, perineum. Lovely words. Eat.
It's another word for it. No, I think perineum is boss. Yes. Taint, taint, boss.
No words there. No man's land. The baker's knuckle. It's not good with the baker's.
It's not good with words. No. It's just not going to be as good as something like that. It's a smooth off.
And then we're doing the Ganon's Golden Games later in the show. Yeah, let's go again. Let's go again. Hang on.
Paul, I just promised something to Viberto. Yeah. I did promise her. Yeah.
He's not coming back. No, he's saying he just wants to do the Ganon's Golden Games. No impor. He wants to come back.
He wants to come back. He wants to come back. Just briefly and do the Ganon's Golden Games. Viberto!
Yes. He wants to. Yeah, the Golden Games. Yes, Viberto!
Yes, Viberto! Yes, Viberto! It is. It's your chance to do the Ganon's Golden Games next.
Give it to me. All right. Okay. I'll leave her for a listen moment.
Speaking to the mic. I'm coming to the mic. Fucking asshole. Right, get out.
I'm cool. Coolio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Golden Games.
The Golden Games. Yeah, how's it going? I might just rename this segment. I'm not going to do this.
Every fucking time I do this segment. I don't care, Paul. I'll still find a way. Yeah, you will.
Yeah, you will. The Golden Games. Paul's particular pastimes. Oh, I like that.
All right, let's change it then. Paul's particular pastimes is the segment we're going to do. Fine. All right.
Say goodbye to Viberto. Viberto. Yeah, you're at the game, don't you worry. I'm going now.
Three out of ten for that character. You're lying on balance. You know, you didn't make much of an impression. I think it's quite an offensive stereo.
It's like two. No. If he's my popular ice cream company. Yeah, no, I didn't see much of that in his second appearance.
He's a fan of the show and I don't think he should, he lived for that. You know. You wanted to say again as a Golden. Oh, God.
You put fucking stupid characters. You sweaty mess. I'm not sweaty. What's that on the knee?
Oh, I'm a bit there. Ah, sweaty mess, isn't it? But listen, stroke the forehead. I don't want to touch you.
Not the mood to touch you today. That's my forehead. It's not liquid forehead. It's smooth.
Smooth paper forehead. All I want to do when I look at that forehead is take my palm and slap it on your head as I can. Oh, really? Oh, really?
So it's a threat to violence. Is that all you've got? Your mouth's no good. So you're threatened violence.
Yeah? You can't talk proper. You can't put someone down and say what you feel thinking of like fucking characters. Oh, hello.
Uh, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Mat or gelato?
Mat or gelato. Hello. Hello. It's a media matter.
What do you want to do? What do you do for a living matter gelato? I have a self-respect. I have a big family.
I have a successful business. What's the business do? It's easy. NFTs.
Just press the button. I've never seen a segaph like this before. Never known it. Just whimper away.
He's just pressing the button. He's just thinking the show. Okay. Oh, it's not an old Norman.
He's over here. And so we moved to tales from the shop. Tales from the shop floor right and say all of the things that you saw today. In your job.
Don't you interrupt me. If I thought you had any answer of musical improvisational skill, I'd like you join in. But you don't. I've written a whole music because you're a floppy tongue wrangler.
Tales from the shop floor is the section of the show for new listeners who may be listening. Where people writing about their retail job nightmares essentially. You know, the Cheetio Bingo has a card that says it's something the episode where someone goes should we do this again. And right now I'm going to help you fill out that square in the card because fuck me.
You're going to start this whole whole episode again. Oh, not that whole episode. No, I can't be fun. Let's start this segment again.
Just do it for me. Don't do a song. Just tell them what it is. It's within me.
I can't help it if I open the case to my imagination and it's song fly out. Can I? If song fly out of my heart. Someone fills it's wing of.
WING OF. Hey! Someone fills it's wing of my heart. I know.
It has to sing a thing. The singer's in the wing of. How do you like that? You're fucking a prick.
Do Shae. Now. Please just introduce someone. We are doing a Tales from the Shop floor.
Now as the years have gone by, the format and the content has changed. So it's not just charity shop stories. It's been police people watching other people have sex with holes in people's legs. Or you know, what else have we done actually?
People taking a shit in the park. Lots of stuff like that. The basic format is things that have happened to people at work. Yes.
It's noted to that, hasn't it? Yeah. And that's fine. We don't mind it.
Right? We don't mind it. However, what's it a few weeks ago we were talking about like medical cadavers or things like that or what people do with their bodies? I wasn't talking about that.
I don't know what you're doing your off time. I'm pretty sure we're talking about it. I'm pretty sure we talked about like surgeons and medical students. And then I woke up erecting.
Yeah. No, no, no, no. It's a little weird. A little belly snake making a cup.
Oh dear. I don't know. Anyway, I don't know why. But we must have said something because someone sent in an email.
Now they have said that. They want to send this in anonymously. And I would kind of say, yeah. Oh no.
Great. We won't use you there on this episode. Oh, I'm like Squamish. Just as a person.
If you are Squamish, this might be one of those ones to skip ahead. I don't know how well what to. You should do it anyway. You put in like the actual minute for them.
This is more worth of future Paul. No, just say random time right now. Two minutes 46. Skip to two minutes 46 right now.
We're only way past two minutes 46 now. Then I'll read up the worst bit. Oh, I have a little little, little, little penis. No, because I have to lower a cap.
I have the bishops said to the choir. I have a little premonition, Paul. I've heard that, Ruba. I've what's going to be in this.
Yeah. And I think there'll be some sort of genital mutilation or sort of poor, kind of poo coming out. D'enital mutilation or poo. Those are my two.
Okay. Well, a combination of both of them. Let's find out, shall we? Because we did say poo poo out bumhole.
Yes. And maybe that was like our little moment, sort of an ostradamus. Poo poo out of the bumhole on the fence. No, I don't believe Notre-Damus ever said in his lifetime.
No, we said Willy Hole. Poo poo out of the Willy Hole, didn't we? I'm going to go ahead and say no, we never said that. That's embarrassing.
You said it! No, I don't believe that ever happened on this part. Here he goes with his messy account. Well, I can mess with it.
What is reality? You said poo poo comes out the dick hole and then I said that's it. You've put the nail through the head there. And that's reality.
Great stuff. So this could have, Paul, you would be amazing. I know you're going to burst my bubble on this right away. Yeah.
If this did have poo poo out the dick hole in some way. I can safely say that this door does not have poo poo out the dick hole. Thank you. Good.
Thank you for that. So with that being said, it is now time. And again, I just want to put one last warning out there. This isn't like as bad as Necrotic Leg Hole, but this could be upsetting to some people.
Okay, I want to put that out there. Fine. I have to just hear it. Cathery is emptory as they say.
Which means what? Don't do this at home. Buy a bewer. Be careful what you pay for or you'll be stuffed.
Because it means you get what you pay for. No, it just means, you know, buy a bewer, be vigilant. You know, you could buy a bad one. Yeah.
And it will be all rotten. Yeah, you could write an apple. There's half a worm in it. It's like kinder.
You're eating the other half of the worm. Yeah. Fuck it out. You're going to turn into like some kind of super worm.
No. Is that what happens? No. The worm goes in your brain.
It starts like eat more apples. Turn into a butterfly. It might lose weight. Like you in specifically.
Overall you. I go to me specifically when people say those words. Yeah. And I'm just talking about an anonymous.
I'm going to keep it simple and quiet. Hello, Eli and Paul. Hey. I'm sending this anonymously because the story is strictly speaking illegal.
Oh, dear. Sure. Yeah. Could be 10 paul tore.
Capital pore for tore. Right. Here we go. In your last episode.
Oh, okay. So I might've been speaking with this before when I did that episode with him. Oh, I did. Yeah.
Yeah. In your last episode, Paul and Biffle talked about how medical students in the UK dissect corpses for learning. Fair enough. And the end of my medical degree, but in the first year, I did indeed dissect a body.
Who am we nicknamed Esther? Funny. nickname. in itself is an unsettling thing.
Yeah, but then otherwise you have to say the corpse. The corpse, the corpse. They're going to give it a character. They're all pissed up, aren't they?
Not students. Not all the time. Not all the time. They all pissed up.
They didn't all have the shakes by the time they got to surgery. Wouldn't they? They were drinking for that hard and long at school. You'd be going, right, count to ten and as you count to ten back, we'll do the anaesthetics either, and trembling.
You'd be like, oh no. You know what may be a total myth. Myth. Have you ever heard this story about doctors who have access to saline?
Yes. Going out on the pit all night. And then I'd look in the zones up and they sober up. That is apparently a thing.
Has the air to me now, the sound of one of those total urban myths? Maybe. Because that would mean there wasn't actual cure for hangover. Like you could literally clean the alcohol out of your blood.
Again, only if you knew how the medical knowledge of what you were doing. Yeah, that means really rich people could do it. They could go out. We don't know really rich people.
Don't do it. Well, I don't know what we're going to do now. There must be dangerous. You don't want to do that.
Just because you're pissed. No. Because you're replacing your blood plasma. I don't know how it all works.
I mean, don't you tell me like... You have blood plasma. You have blood plasma. Whatever, don't you?
Yeah. But didn't you tell me like diarrhea? Medicine is good for hangovers. Yeah, apparently.
You know what I actually tried it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an alka salt or whatever, you know.
It will settle your stomach. It deals with the... Lost nutrients or something. And it hydrates you.
And it has salts. It has all the salts. And it's all the salts. Mmm.
Different salts. So here we go. He had a body called Esther. On slow days, we would cut off chunks of fat from Esther.
She was a hefty lady, so there was plenty going spare. And attempt to slit them into pockets of other students, lap demonstrators or anyone walking past. I'm just going to put that as a seven on the con. So, me too, frankly, that's not nice.
Here's a bunch of body fat. I'm going to put it in your pocket. You'll go in and you'll often be house keys and then... Finger full of Esther, isn't it?
It's like fight club. Is it? They made such that all the fat from the outside potential places. Aww.
One time, a boy with a not-insubstantial number of globs of fat in his pocket unknowingly stuck his hand into them and then ran his fingers through his hair and watched to wildlife. Oh, who is this person? I'm thinking about naming him and giving their full address to the constabulary. I mean, there's nothing...
That's not illegal, is it? That's just... I mean, it's on the... I guess you shouldn't be messing with...
You shouldn't be messing around with it, but you have access to it because you meant to be learning about it. I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah. It doesn't make them come across as nice people.
Not really, but I mean, they were all supposed to do it those years ago, wasn't it? Yeah. And there's often an element of peer pressure around these kind of pranking, like a culture, you know, where it becomes acceptable, even if the hay's in your... That's not a head and calling them a cunt.
You know, people change. It might get less than... It might get less than... I mean, I can imagine the pranks they pulled in the Victoria Medical School at the time were probably a lot more grizzly, because they had less respect for bodies, maybe, they were less codes of condom, I don't think so.
I mean, Birken hair and all that kind of stuff. Those are undertakers. You know, there's different spodifs and then they became murderers. Well, there was a lot of body snatching going around at the time, wasn't there?
It was a big thing. Because you got buried with your jewellery. Yeah, there was also medical doctors. You still have...
The body farms have had those body farms. No. They're places where medical people want to study the decomposition of body. Body just lays out in different things.
Yeah, in a field with a cage around it to stop animals getting to it. All a bunch of them. And then they'll just keep checking in on that every few weeks. That's a good setting for a horror film.
A body farm. Oh, yeah. That'd be good setting, wouldn't it? Yeah.
Like a sort of rural American sort of Hicksville by body farm guy. Yeah. Oh my God, they're still alive. They're still like just...
But people were terrified as well at that time of being buried alive. So a lot of people would say, you know, you're not going to... Well, there was a hole in the street. I can avoid being buried alive if I give myself a body farm after death.
Yeah, there was also an industry in coffins that were made to help you get out. Like through the bell and side. Or a little flight back and forth. Scary, because the toys had a weird relationship with death.
Yes. And so all of this and the body snatching and the grave digging and all these things just led to a kind of fear of dying just because you wonder what would happen to your body afterwards. I mean, you think students, medical students of the day would be more goolish. Is that what you're saying?
I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I just get the impression that it could get away with it easier, I guess. Probably.
I hate to use the old trope, but was Jack the Ripper a medical person. There were ideas that he might have had a medical knowledge of background. Well, that's what they say. He definitely did have a medical...
I think that was one of the big pieces of evidence is that mutilations could only have been carried out with someone with a surgical experience. But then the also said that... Yeah, but the also said that all the victims of Jack the Ripper were done by the same person potentially. So you just don't know.
We don't get into this. It's not... I'm like a true crying one right now. That's like a true crying one right now, isn't it?
Let's keep reading reading. Right. The most notorious incidents occurred when we were cutting into Esther's small intestine. I know it.
And the putrid green sludge of it last meal. It was out. He's got it up. Oh, hang on.
I just ate it up a few... Here we go. Take it in. With an accidental flick of the scalpel blade, a cenet digested hunk of bowel contents flew across the table and into the mouth of my friends.
Oh my God. Oh my God. It hit the back of it, throat. And immediately, in a reflex way, swallowed it.
Needless to say, she fell to the ground, retching, and we all fell to the ground, laughing. And beginning to think this might be a psychopath. That's so... that's...
you wouldn't even put that in a film. There's no way of making that not gross. No, I'm pretty sure I've seen something similar to that somewhere along the line though. No, there's that Ash versus Evil Dead.
He gets shot on by a corpse, doesn't he? Well, there's two medical horror scenes in that series. The first one is, yeah, the fight in the core. Of course, Purges.
Where he ends up up with corpses are sold, doesn't he? Because an out-of-of-it-rib cage and all that stuff. And it sounds disgusting to describe, but it's hilarious. You know what, Paul?
When the little Willy's on his face... The weirdest thing is, it's made me remind me of an incident from my childhood that I hadn't... I really haven't thought about it. The best.
Yeah. Then ladies and gentlemen, I wish to hear this suppressed memory. We needed a shit, me and my mate. I was gonna say you and me, we didn't ask.
Me and my mate needed a shit. We were out some, we couldn't... and then we both took a shit, and then my mate was just messing around. When you take a shit in the woods, it's like out in the woods or something.
Okay, so you both found a little place to sit. We're on a walk, and we needed it to shit. You don't have to walk with me? No, I know, try not to.
We'll be able to do that for the next walk. I'm not taking an al fresco turn. I'll just feel like I'm leaking this out. I don't like to.
I want to have a spot to bump. You and me, bump to bump. And he stepped in my turn, like, as a joke, like he was messing around. Oh, I stepped in it.
Then he was flicking it out of the tread in his trainers. He was like, stick, and some went in his mouth. He literally ate your shit. Yeah.
I hadn't thought of that in years and years and years. He was like, did you swallow it? He just went in it. And I laughed, obviously.
And then you pick up his shit. Then you hit a bit of his. Then you started rubbing it on each other. No!
You see again, I played around in the woods. In Defication Bliss. I admit something. It's not quite personal that came up.
Yeah. Well, you hope it came up. I'm not reacting to it. And you fucking attacked me and called me a shit lover.
Yeah. A little pervy kid shit lover. I'm just wondering where it's like. I didn't escalate to anywhere.