I would like to start this episode with an apology like to you directly. Oh, that's a change. I a little while ago, relieved myself of my tummy toffee to your battery. I wasn't going to bring it up.
And I could only in the common Poland say I wrecked your bomb. Mate, it was a fucking solid, thick, visceral fault. Mate, it's not like an open sewer. I was looking out and to see if anyone was doing any drainage work on the road.
It's not good. And when I look into the bowl after my passing of solid, it looked like someone had like thrown a bowl of angel to light down there, like chockeys angel to light. And I had to give that a proper although I kind of pushed down with some toilet roll to get it all up. Anyway, and then the stink was really bad.
I had to give it three flushers to really kill the beast. Oh, it was a proper shot hopper. It was a proper fucking like chunky mungus. It was a battle of the mammoth beasts.
You know, it really smelled. I mean, I didn't even want to go there. It was that way madness lies. If I was really going to try and fucking, you know, appreciate that smell for what it was, which is.
And you know, when you sit in your own filth and you don't really know how bad it is for other people because you just go, oh, get your dinner out of that. But then other people walk by and you think I made a horrible social faux pas. Well, look, we've known each other a long time, Paul. I don't think any, everyone who's everybody shit sometimes.
And sometimes people do a whole, you know, an apartment clearer. Do you think the queen ever comes out the toilet and goes, I'd give it five minutes. I fucking wrecked it. No, but I think she probably does some smelly ones.
I reckon it's a real greasy. She doesn't eat garlic. And I think that must lead to an imbalance in her sort of bowel. Yeah, but you know what she likes instead of garlic licorice.
She likes licorice. She loves licorice, the queen. Licorice, the queen does licorice, the queen. Paul, anyway, I just want to apologize for basically leaving such foul evil in your toilet.
And I want you to know I actually care. OK, thanks for bringing that up, Paul. Thank you. I feel better.
I feel like I'll wait to be lifted for my belly. It certainly has. Yeah, about three pound weight of pure evil. Yeah.
It was like the evil at the end of time bandits. Yeah, just that honking grisly block of black nastiness. I have my own admission. Yeah.
There's a character who turned up last week at the beginning. Yeah. He's gone missing. Who?
Who was that? We pointed him towards it was Andy McCold open. He went up into the woods in the copy club room. Yeah, the copy character club room.
He didn't turn up. He's disappeared. And this isn't the first time this has happened, Paul. Are you dropping some plot stuff?
Because I don't know. We haven't talked about this. I'm not. It's not making this up.
You're dropping plot. And I'm dropping plots. That's what we're doing this call. Oh, fucking smash the button.
I'm like, you got your fucking line. Yeah. Welcome to Chee Show. Very poor line.
Very poor line. Welcome to the podcast. I hate you. And your fucking mood will pass.
People love mood. A factory show you're going to have to learn the fucking insects. Chee Show. Up, round, round, round, round, round.
Chee Show. It's the price of shine. Paul Ganon. Be like silver.
Chee Show. And a go and a nozzle. Poo-er. That's a type of tea.
Poo-er. Yes. Is it? It comes in cakes, hard cakes.
It's time for the momentum. It's funny that, because that was a bit of a hard cake that I dropped. It had a proper density. It did feel like it.
Was it foaming? Because if you say Angel Delight, I'm thinking quite what I like to call an ecstasy shit. It had to say, can you come up on ecstasy? All the drug fucking admissions are coming out.
Aren't they? These ladies. All from you, though. Just throw out a damn old drug, isn't it?
You have. Just before this recording, in fact. Sometimes when you drop an ecstasy tablet, Paul, you really get the need. And it's very, very foaming.
It's like an angel Delight bounty castle. It was very aerated. Put it that way. Yeah.
It looked like someone had punched the pot of aero. Yeah. Aeromost. Yeah.
That is very much like an ecstasy shit. Yeah. Well, why would a cheat show? The economy can't be pogged out.
So Eli and I go for the bargain into charity shops and Poundlands of Great Britain to bring you the treasure we find amongst the trash. And we've been sorting rotten lately with the things we were given in the PO box and at the live show. And a few little trinkets that we've picked up ourselves. So let's get straight into it.
I do have one thing I want to bring up right away. Because I do think this is important. I do think this is important. OK.
Bloody tweet the other day. Less alive. Did a top flavors of Walker crisps. Is he working for Walkers?
Is there some kind of marketing hidden marketing? No, the reason why. Sounds to me like it is. We're talking about the top.
Oh, no, yeah. I'll tell you why. Because Walker's was made in Leicester. It was founded in the town of Leicester.
So, it was less alive than doing it. Oh, sorry about Walker's crisps and things like that. Paul, I thought you meant someone called Leicester live. Oh, I know.
That's the kind of mentality I'm in with this. Come on. I am. Where's the live?
Oh, do you like Chris? I love crisps. My favorite flavor is egg. Egg crisps are great.
I had to mollish. Egg crisps. Oh, let's alive. Let's alive.
Recommendate crisps. I'd demolish that salted eggs. I like those salted egg crisps. Would you like to come back to the back of my van for Egg Chris?
I saw. Would you? Why? Oh!
Would you like to come into my van? Egg Crisp. No. Less than live.
Why have you got all those balloons? It's for a party. I'm organising later. Is that what are you inviting me to the party?
No, it's just that me into the back of my van. I thought we were going to talk about crisps. I mean, we could do both. Fuck off, Lester live.
Oh, I'm going to go to that room now. Yeah, get some coffee. Yeah, get some coffee. Not on the door.
They'll be having to see you. Bye then. Bye. Bye.
It was nice. Forever. Bye forever. We say that.
They're processing character meat in there. Now, I'm sure they've got big grinders. Some people arrive with grinders. What, like, you're grinders?
There's a big van. It's a margarine cradex machines on the side. Yeah. And these workmen come out.
These big... What's that? Human flesh grinder. I'm getting serious overwhelmed.
I'm getting overwhelmed by this. We've got characters, knockoff characters, tertiary characters, reboot characters. One shot characters. One shot.
One shot. One shot. One shot. After Point.
After Point. One shot. One shot. He'll get involved in this.
I'm not sure. Did you know this? We haven't even talked about this, have we? Walkers was founded by Butcher.
Yeah. And as rationing continued, it took 42 years for the brand to become the leading Chris supplier in the UK. The first flavour was obviously salt, add a little salt. That's not a fucking flavour.
That's like the Thrippens. It cost in 1948. But then, due to science, the first actual flavour they made, what do you think it was? What do you think it was?
The actual first flavour. It always was of the belief that it was salt and vinegar. The answer is cheese and onion in 1954. And then six days.
Cheese and onion predates some vinegar. Doesn't it just? Certainly with Walkers. It's really tearing down the walls of conformity here.
Maybe other chip manufacturers created salt vinegar first, but the walkers did. Cheese each other. No, no, no. Walkers were there first there.
It's very interesting this because I always think of cheese and onion as being just below in a sort of conceptual hierarchy. It's the return of the Jedi of the crisp trilogy of flavours, isn't it? It's certainly a very salty style. Salt vinegar is the Empire Strikes Back.
Cheese and onion is the bottom. They complain about the fact that it's inoffensive. Shut up, let's delight. But it's a 74 year old flavour.
It's standard. I don't even think that counts as a flavour. I honestly don't, Paul, because what are you saying? What is the zero?
What is the zero of dimension of Chris flavours? That is potato flavour. Is that basically a salt and shake without having put the shake without the little blue packet? Is that the pure, is that the unflavoured Chris?
Mate, if you're angry now, wait until we start getting angry. I'm going to get so angry because at number eight, second from the bottom is salt and vinegar. That's stupid. Who voted in this?
1967 was the first salt and vinegar walkers, Chris. Right, but was that the first ever time? We can't say. Sorry.
Sorry. What are you laughing at my sneezing? It's just funny the way you were just straight into it. You know, you don't mess it about.
But yeah, they detest its sharpness. And for some other... Who's less delight? Who are these fucking people?
Mate, I don't know. They haven't named these experts. Is it what I've been saying? They said experts, did they?
Cool, cool. Thing is, if you say experts, name them. Listen, tell us who those people are. Don't just say experts.
Because of that, you're not. Citation needed for this whole fucking list. Number seven on the list. Tomorrow to catch up.
I'd put that higher probably. I love those. No, but I would say they're too tart and sweet. You don't like to catch up flavoured crisps?
No. They're more popular. It's ketchup in Germany, Italy, Japan and Denmark in the UK. It's a much more established flavour of crisps.
Some people find them too vinegary, which I actually agree with. Is that what you agree with? I love them. For me, they're the perfect expression of what prawn cocktail is.
They're more common with that, aren't they? You think about it, because prawn cocktail in the real world is prawn with rosemary sauce, which is mayonnaise and ketchup. Right? Yes.
So there is ketchup notes in prawn cocktail. And so to me, a ketchup flavoured crisps is just a much purer expression, a more successful expression because they're not trying to recreate the taste of prawn. You know, the book, which isn't a real taste. I think we'll get to that in a minute.
But right now they're saying that Walker's only did catch up in 2001 when they collaborated with Heinz as a kind of... I loved those crisps, but I would fucking get three packets if I saw them in the shop. I loved them. I wouldn't put it above salt vinegar.
No, no, neither would I. Number six, this is where the list goes into fucking edgelord, edgelord, edgelord, edgelord. Why can't I say edgelord? Edgelord!
Edgelord! That's what you are! I got the bullbag lord. You certainly are.
It was a choffney destroyer. Right, okay, so this is bullshit. Number six is Cajun squirrel flavour, which was what a one-shot sort of street novelty of a flavor campaign in 2008 and came up with by 26 year old marketing executive, Martin Wright. I remember that and I remember tasting it and it was just bullshit, just tasted a papa.
It was a website in 2009 that said it had the lovely aroma of paprika and Mexican spices when I opened the packet and the Christmas cells reminded me of chicken-ve heaters with a gentle lemon aftertaste. Yeah, I've been with decent probably, but just essentially it's a paprika flavoured crisp. You know what I mean? You just put squirrel in.
Listen, I remember Paul in my fucking childhood, headshot flavoured crisp. You remember those? I loved those. They were gravy, basically gravy flavoured crisp.
I was in university whose mother dated or had a liaison with the man who invented hedgehog flavoured crisp. Why where did they go? There's a space in my heart and probably in the British consumers pocket for hedgehog flavoured crisp to come back. I think it's popular.
Why haven't they come back as a sort of heritage nostalgia driven? In the same way. Like the way Whisper did, for example. I'm sure there are other examples.
Maybe one day they will, but to me that's like saying here's a packet of crisp based on the flavour of pigeon or fox. It's kind of like no one really eats hedgehog. No, but that was the whole point wasn't it? It was a sort of fantasy flavour.
Perhaps with the rise of veganism it's just not sort of... I just think you've seen it. It was sort of like a naughty boy who did hedgehog flavoured crisp because we ain't discussing was it working on that kind of thing? I guess.
Facing my fucking crisp up. Rat! Dead rat flavour like that kind of. I'll tell you what I like.
A fucking roadkill flavour. You know what I mean? It's like that. Roadkill.
Squashed octopus. Oh mate have you tried those new prolapse rectum badger fucking crisps? You know what I'm getting at? Was it bad that?
The fucking arse gland. Was it part of that sort of transgressional sort of naughty boy sort of culture? We could have gotten to that in a later date. I would like to do a deep dive on hedgehog flavour crisps.
Five is? Prawn cocktail. Yeah, I mean it's a solid flavour I would probably say like I said before. You want a pure expression of prawn cocktails going for a catch up flavour crisp.
And the Germans, obviously, they're headed for a lot of cultural areas. They are. And so the Swedes or whatever. But they've discovered this.
They don't mess with prawn cocktails. Do they? Do they? They're only a prawn cocktail.
Come on. Apparently according to this story. No, no. TV chef Fanny Craddock in the 60s.
Oh yeah. It's the classic 70s dinner party staple isn't it? Basically. Bunch of mayo.
Bunch of fucking half-thawed out prawns wrapped around a fucking moose glass. Yeah. Put in a moose glass. But ice with it.
You know what's really close? The ice like to melt. I enjoy a well-constructed prawn cocktail in real life. Right.
They sometimes say it's called the Misfits Crisp because it usually only pips in multi-packs these days. Shut up. And it's a mixture of tomato, ketchup, cayenne pepper and Worcestershire sauce. Like number four.
Toasted cheese. That's not of crisp flavour that I've ever come across. Apparently they ran it in the 80s for a while. They fuck you today.
Why am I just hearing about this now? I don't know. Because I had that whole fucking controversy when I said I'm fucking digitised with it. You don't get cheese flavoured crisps.
Toasted cheese. Toasted cheese. I said you don't get cheese flavoured crisps and then everyone berated me. About it.
Do you remember? But this is an 80s snack. So people who were voting on this are based on a flavour that they called from 30 years ago. That's never come up.
They just, someone just lied. They haven't talked to anyone. All they've done is created a clickbait thing for dickheads like Oscar Click on and rave about. I fucking tried fucking, yeah.
Number three. Smokey bacon. The ultimate repeater of all time for me. Yeah.
Anything is out for me. It repeats. It was originally in the vegetarian snack. But in 2013, Walker said, how we put pork in it now.
Did they? I don't know what they said here. They announced they would now include pork product in the packet from 2013. Oh, but they reversed it three years later.
Twats. Number two. We tried some of those, didn't we? No, because this is 2010.
We weren't a podcast then. We have eaten some cheese flavour. Crisps. Bobby's did a cheeseburger one.
That's short. They were. Was there one that had a little taste of pickle too? No, that wasn't Bobby's.
That wasn't Bobby's. Yeah. I think that might have been an American. Crisps.
So they're saying it was launched in 2010 alongside the FIFA World Cup because I believe that was in USA. He wasn't at that year. Oh, cool. Yes.
And at number one. Cheese and onion. Cheese and onion. Yeah.
C-H-E-E-S-E-A-N-D-O-N-I-O-N cheese and onion. I think that is a reference to the ruffles with this song. Cheese and onion. I know that.
You didn't. I did know that. You are a music clod. Do you know that when...
When you're playing... Well, that's a reference too. Yeah. It's because what other food-based lyric was used in a Beatles song that they're kind of referring to before McCartney changed the lyrics.
Scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs. Yes, today. Scrambled eggs.
And so... And I know that story. I'm just saying that it's in the ruffles. It's kind of a reference to that.
Cheese and onion. Do you see what I mean? No, because otherwise it would be a passage of yesterday and it's not. It's actually doing a thing on.
Cheese and onion. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, and they do that really weird flat note right at the end.
Bomb. Yeah. That's the top list of Walkers. Fucking bullshit.
I can't be able to be down to Earth and fucking accept reality for the world of crisps. I've got a few points on my book. Make them quick. It took 42 years because Walkers were the underdogs, weren't they?
Right up in two. The late 80s. That's when the shift they overtook Golden Wanda. And then Golden Wanda fucking disappeared.
We're not asking it. And Smiths. And Smiths as well. We've all been absorbed into the Walkers' Lays fucking in three days.
It's three days. Yeah. I mean, are they still manufactured in Britain? Of course they are.
Yeah. We don't want no Johnny Forerunner crisps coming over here and taking our head job crisps. So I tried an unusual crisps but someone brought back from the Netherlands for me. And it was.
Mayonnaise and chip flavoured crisps. I think chippy chips. Yeah. Isn't that weird?
So it's actually chip flavoured. Chippy chip flavoured with mayo dippins. And was it successful? It was very nice actually.
But did it taste as chippy chips? Yes. It had a very strong sort of potato note. And then a sort of...
You think it had a really strong potato note? So you know it's potato? Well this is what I'm trying to say. It's a strange double potato.
Yeah. I can't fathom. They're great crisps. I can't fathom.
Eli. What is more potato than potato? What's potato? A crisper for potato flavouring added.
That's what's more potato than potato. But I was very impressed with the subtle mayonnaise flavour. Is there potato flavoured potato crisps? No.
You have to be potato flavoured potato crisps. Eli. What's going on? I don't know.
You seem to have lost your ability. What's going on? To speak English as the first language. I think a moment of existential qualms.
Right. The mayonnaise note though was very nice because you know there's a very small amount of mustard in mayonnaise. Yes. That was coming through on these crisps.
I think it's not loud. Not loud. Quiet and clear. Like a ding on a frosty night.
A ding on a frosty night. Do you know what it's time for? We need to maybe just drop the lego snacks and just make a crisp round up. Crisp round up section.
A crisp round up. We have to look at what? What about material? Our crisp logistics.
Our crisp doctrine is completely... it's nothing. I can't even get in there. It's the league.
No. I was banging on the door. That temple collapsed. The house.
All below us in the podcast. It's all collapsed. It's all collapsed. It's like the burning of the library of Alexandria.
Yeah. It's we've lost all of that information. There's only one way we can fix this. And that's just to ignore everything we've done in the past.
Start from scratch. We need to start from scratch and reboot it. We need to reboot the league. Is it going to be a snack round up or crisp round up?
I think it should be a snack round up. It's got a rodeo theme. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, get those snacks on!
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I've got the salt chuffness on the back of his horse. I don't know. I don't know.
You've got any. Oh, look at those snacks going down below. Hey, you're the prettiest little snack I ever did. See, bro.
Oh, you can't sit on my lap pretty soon. When I get my teeth into the Crispy Colton, I'm those damn peanuts. Oh, the Crispy Colton, they're damn peanuts. My name's Billy the Chip.
And I'm looking for the Fylist, Chris, and Tao. Well, you're out of luck, Will it a chip? Because I'm old Fungus, no. No, you couldn't think of anything, could you?
You couldn't think of it, Caliboy from the paddle. Oh, look, you think of his fungus nose. That's not even a good name. He could be quite bad at you though, couldn't he?
Oh, he was Fungus nose. This is already 20 minutes. I think we've really maxed out what we can do with the segments. We all got to put a pin in it.
Don't let Fungus McGee go. Fungus McGee, oh, he's nothing. I'm Fungus McGee and I'm Billy the Chip. And I own the snacks around here, Billy.
You know that. I'm a fastest snack eater in the West. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's like that.
Oh, darn, you're Vittin' old Fungus Chris. Oh, I do declare that I am Billy the Chip, but I'm the most rascally. Dastily. Gun slinging, potato eating, gun slinger in this whole West.
Ooh, he in the snack rounder. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Well, I guess old Fungus McGee will have to leave town again. Come on, old Henson.
You take that snack and buy the packet. Don't make a racket, put it in your fingers, put it out of the chip. Stick it up your ass all flat in your dick. Come on, you're Chris.
Oh, Fungus. My nose looks like a Fungus. Yeah, no, there we go. That's it.
Is that it? That's it. You. Drop your pants and did a shit on this segment.
No, I did. You did a little dirty instance. A little dirty instance. And I'm going to have to stop this now.
You threw in this because of your dirty bum mouth. Because of my dirty bum mouth, I've ruined this. Dilly, dilly dilly, dilly. Shout.
Dance. appreciate it. H ringing. Who's next?
Under dock? ududududududududududududududududududududududududud Welcome to theborrassal Devano! He's ruining this segment. He's not careful, Paul.
I'll send him to the CCC room. I'm taking it out. I'm going shooting more. Oh, he's back, is he?
Phew, phew, phew, phew. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Source Report. This is the segment of the show where you like one of the polygons for the Smurching of the Source Report.
I'll let you do it in your own tone. Okay, can I? Thank you. Welcome to the Source Report.
This is Tiffany, a fucking sad boy face now. Right. Hello, welcome to the Source Report, where we taste and assess and analyze sources. And as we all know, source is the butter of life.
Stop with the Western stuff. I'm going to call Fungus McGee back in here. I want source. Right.
I want source. Now, two sources on the agenda, Paul. I'm just going to ignore this. You're trying to...
We've got two sources on the agenda today. I'm a reboot. All of cheap, cheap, cheap, can be a Western thing. No, we can't.
No. It's a number 73. I want the last few years of this. That's Paul Gatsby all based on the saloon.
It's not the old cheap, cheap, short, saloon. Whee! There's Sticky Vicki doing it, bro. She could translate this.
Yeah, she could translate this. Any other characters? I can't be honest. Yes.
Paul, it's not a good idea for anything in its final season. It's like a deadwood. I'm sorry. You've even seen deadwood.
It's called swear machine. I mean, like, put 10p in and it says, fuck. Yeah, that's it. That's swear machine.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Oh, lovely plays and automaton. That swears when you put a nickel in its slot. Is that what that was about?
Yeah, it's definitely about that. I was putting some spare change into my Godzilla money box. It's got a big load of different sound effects cues. It does it?
Yeah. I thought it had two. No. It's got like six or seven.
And then there's one where it plays like a good minute and a half of like theme music. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Someone did send a link on Twitter about where that's been sampled. It's like some Jay-Z type thing, you know what I mean?
Right, which makes sense. It's a good soundtrack. It's a really effective piece of music. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
It's a nice thing. Thanks again to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to getting to now the first source I'm going to look at. Paul. Oh, yeah.
Cowie has been on my shelf for a number of years. And wild Bill Hot Sauce. I bought this. And I'm here to have the hotness, tuckness, sauces in the land.
Who are we? I wish these cowboys would clear out. It's a cast. Listen to me.
Listen to me. It's a cowboy flamethapisto today because I said so. No, God. Can we just?
I'm going to get fungus McGee back in because he calls his trouble on his old horse hand. Got Billy the chip. Billy the crisp, actually sounds better. Reboot Billy the crisp.
Billy the crisp. I've got wild Bill Hot Sauce and third one. Now, this is fire fruits. Hot never tasted so good.
Artisanal hot sauce, lime cilantro, hub and arrow, heat level high. I bought this about seven years ago in Florida. I'm going to imagine it's not edible. You know, you've done that before we started this podcast.
Yes, this dates from I've just it's been on cardboard. I've just broken the seal. This has not been open or messed with in any way. There's been no opportunity for the air to get to it.
And what's gotten into it though. You don't have to taste a lot, but I want you to taste something. I'll taste it because what I'd really like to do is more hot brown dabbing of your toilet before I leave. Now, yes, it's made of Florida.
I wonder if this brand is even around anymore. Possibly not. Because they're very much a short-lived enterprise is a lot of the time. They like pop-up stores, aren't they?
They kind of pop up. They're their thing and then fuck up. Sources do, yeah. Yeah.
You think the bottom dropped out? This is designed for cooking, grilling and dripping. Like my fucking bottom dropped out before. Do you want to know what the recommended food is for this?
Great on. What do you think it's listed first? You can't grate on sources. No, it's great.
This is great. I can't grate upon anything. You're going to let the great sauce. I'm not going to try and grate this sauce.
You could be a drizzle. It'd be like a grated drizzle. Yeah, like a kind of sprinkler of sauce. I would get a sprinkle.
We're all on a grater. Would you put a sprinkler in? In the grass with a pipe to a sauce party. And you could glue a lot of sauces right up into the garden there.
Great on wings, steaks, tacos, sausages, burgers, fries, pizza, sandwiches, fajitas, nachos, seafood, sushi. So great on food. A lot of food there, covered. And again, this is lime cilantro.
Now, I'm going to be looking at this as even decent after all these years. Yeah, well, I don't know. Has it changed its colour? Oh dear.
What's that look for? Very garlicky on the nose. Yeah, but again, what I'm going to say is this. When you bought it, what's it in that colour?
Because that colour looks like what I left in your toilet, frankly. I think it was a bit of a more vibrant green and it's gone browner over the years. I think we should have a very small amount of this. And ideally, none of it.
Now, can you see the best before? You see that you can read that in the light? I think it's printed on the shoulder of the bottle there. Do you see that some writing?
Yes, I'm gone. 2018 is when this should last have been consumed by humans. No, best before. Even so, it's four years ago.
Oh, it's not like... No! No! No, it doesn't!