Fully loaded, locked and loaded, ready to go. Pum-pum! Get in the car, everyone. The cheap ship of Bill is ready to rev off on another journey, another wild goose chase to Tatsville.
I don't think we should be representing cars. Pum-pum! Cars are bad for the environment. Pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum...
What about this? Clinkle-chink! Clinkle-chink! What's that?
What's the vehicle that? It's a bicycle, Paul. What bicycle goes, clinkle-chinkle-chink? Well, it does, mind does when I unlock it.
Does it? I've got a lock. Well, I've got a fast car. Sounds like you're in.
Hey baby, I get into my car, get out of my dreams. E-Eyes and his little Penny Farthen podcast comedy bike, right, and I'm in my fast, sexy, raw comedy sex car. Oh, what's that in the middle of the road? It's in the child!
Oh no, I've lost control! I've been drinking! It's a terrible podcast car! Oh, it's cracked!
It's Jacknife! You've killed a child! I've killed a child, I've killed a child of creativity. Oh, child, do you need to...
first day, I don't know if I can handle this, cos I'm not making a problem. Ee! He's coming back! He's reversing!
Oh, I'm fucking maimed! I'm looking at his dials, dying child's face! I'm getting out of here before the cops turn up. Oh, no, it's gone down.
Right, that's it. That's it. I can't take it no more. I'm going down.
Click, click, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And the dying child's mouth dribbles. Welcome to the cheap show podcast. I hate you, I'm your fucking noodle posse.
Back to cheap show you're gonna have to learn the fucking effects. Cheap show. Up, round, round, round, round. Get to the place of shit!
He likes to sell one of them to cheap show. And a girl and a nuzzle. Hey, Eli, how are you today? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No, let me just before you go, let me get out of here. Oh, is it the world's smallest violin? No. Is it the world's smallest violin?
It's not cos it's so small. It's the world's most overused fucking trope. And a sort of cold way of saying, I don't care. I don't care about your pain.
I don't care about your suffering. I have no empathy. I'm getting out the world's smallest... No, I'm getting out the world's smallest move.
When I'm getting out the world's... That's a scotting me! It's a... Michael Winslow of the podcast world!
Well, I'm gonna get out the world's smallest penis. Well, I won't have to imagine that, because I'm about to see it. We can't see it, it's microscopic. I bet it looks like...
I bet it looks like an L-pencil. I've got a sub-visual PP. Sub-visual PP! Now I'm liking it.
You like having a sub-liminal PP? What's your sub-visual PP? Sub-visual. That means it's less than visual.
The funny thing about my penis poor. The funny thing about my penis poor. One of the many funny quirks about my penis is that the meter's is actually longer than the penis shaft itself. So what?
It's all meters, no shaft! That's a horrible thing to imagine! A sub-visual meter's dominated PP! Something your penis looks like the head of a hammerhead shark.
Yes. A very small hammerhead shark. A baby hammerhead shark. A baby.
A fetal. A baby hammerhead shark. In the land of lilyput. How about that?
Oh, it would be extra small there. Hey, what? Could you go to small pillars? We can make a love to a woman next time.
Say, can I... No, wait, don't worry, don't we get this right. Would you like me to lilyput it in you? Lilyput it in you?
Lilyput it in you, lilyput it out. Lilyput, lilyout, lilyout. I got nothing this week. Wow, we really have hit rock bottom.
It's happened. I think it was because we used all our creativity for the live show. And now we're dry. We're drained.
Luckily, I've got only a small PP hole from which my juice is to drain out in sub. You've got a PP hole or a wide meter so you can't have both. Well, it's a very wide meter. But a tiny PP hole within.
How does biologically, how does that work? Most of my meters is just very muscular lips. Folds, if you like, of muscle. This is the worst.
Yes, absolutely worst way. The actual hole itself is sub-visual. Welcome to the Chief Joe podcast on this week's episode. One thing, one thing.
Board Game. I've been after this board game for years. We've got it and we're playing it. Paul?
Yes. We'll go talk about that later, though. No, go, spoiler. I've also got rehearsed my little jingle for that segment.
So if you like. That's X segment. No, that's segment. That's X segment.
Not the sex segment. No, we need a sex segment. No, we don't need a sex segment. How would we do it?
A cheap show section. Oh, fucking. Ah, fucking. Get your blunt meter sound.
Bang it on a table for five minutes. What is the sound of the sub-visual meters? Can I feed your meters, grubs? Can I put like little grubs on a fork and feed them to your thing?
Paul, oh, yeah. Oh, where is Paul with my grub here, grubs? Here we go. No, feed ya.
Here we go. Trains coming into the tunnel. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, he's eating it.
He's eating it. He's got a musculos. He's got a very musculos now. He's eating it off the spoon.
Oh, he's eating all that hot sauce off the tip of my spoon. Your meters loves hot sauce, doesn't he? I thought it was grubs you were feeding it. It's grubs dipped in the hot sauce.
Oh. And he's slurping them up. Like the dog from Lady of the Trampetons spaghetti. Oh, come off it.
What does it mean? And they call it Berlin, not a. Paul, he's a bellent. So just to try and throw it all kind of shit out, you're just at the wall.
And all the shit is sticking to the wall. And it's been the maid isn't in till fucking Monday morning. You have to live in shit. Ah, and it's above the telly.
And I have to look at it. And it looks like a fucking old Edwin's face. My scat splat all over the wall. All looks like an old Edwin's face.
Look at the drippy drippy down here. And the spickle spackle sort of recreates his stubble there. The shit splat is nothing different between that scarps splat. And the old Edwin's tidy beard.
Paul, oh, did you watch that documentary on Channel 5, about no, 11's your day? It's on Channel 5. I believe they want to watch it. But I was working so I might play catch up.
I wonder if you'd seen it. I didn't even know Channel 5 still was a thing. No, I didn't really. It's probably quite low rent.
It's mostly like re-pizza cop shows, Colombo, Mirdishie, Rope, Diagnosis, Murder, and then like CSI Miami, NCIA ST. But that's my point. I think probably the no documentary would probably be quite salacious and sort of trashy. I know John Ronson talked on it.
So I don't know what that says. Ronson talks on every fucking thing. No, but he did that article about no, 11's for the Guardian. Didn't he when he went on the set of deal or no deal and found out how cool it was being wrought.
Right. OK, so that's where they got him on. Yeah, Paul, tell him the shop floor. Go, tell him the dance floor.
Tell him the dance floor. Take it away, Mr. Silverman. I'm going to leave.
I was DJing the other night. No, can you just... No, no, no, no, no. Get out the way.
Get out the way, buddy. Anyway, Paul, tell him the shop floor. The dance floor. The dance floor.
Tell him the dance floor, everybody. If you're still with us and I can't believe anyone I actually heard this show before is even listening. No, I'm not. What are you fucks this?
I reckon everyone who normally listens isn't even listening right now. I could say anything. Paul, I've stopped listening to this podcast. I'm taking part in this podcast.
My mouth is just... I could argue that I've been the case for years now. Paul, in all seriousness, I was DJing me overnight. Yes.
And end of the night, it's been successful. People have been dancing all night. And young lady, it comes up to me. She's like, what are those what happen next clips that they do on, like, you know, question of sport?
And then you've got it. What do you think happens next? You tell some girl that she's not going to get what she wants and then she goes off either arsed or upset. And so the wheel continues to turn.
Oh, hear me out, hear me out. She comes up, she comes over, and I think she's going to have a request of some sort. Of course. Perhaps a silly request.
Do you have a request? Yes. Well, finally you should say that. But...
Oh dear. She didn't ask for Abba. But the one last night did. And she basically, the one last night got on stage.
Wasn't meant to be on stage. No, they're never meant to be on stage. No, he'd up. He went, look over.
Well, Abba, Abba. I said, get off stage! Get off my stage! No, you didn't.
What you did was neatly awkwardly not look at her and make any eye contact with her. I said, I said, I said, the banks would do the work for you. No, I said this. I looked at her and I went, what?
And she went, Abba. And went, no, absolutely not. And get off the stage! Rufedadou.
You didn't want that. You're going to get a person like Bill Morin who comes up to you simply for the abuse. So they'll come up to you and say, can I ask you a question? Oh, God!
God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God. Because my voice has changed. And then he goes, oh, can I ask a question? Can I have a request?
And then you go, no, you berate him. He's like, oh, yes, yes, yes. This young lady comes up to me and she doesn't even have a request. She sort of does.
She goes like this. Can you play something we know? Who's we? Exactly.
Is it her? Something that you know, you know these tracks. Therefore, you're allowed to play. I think we both can agree.
It's a terrible thing to say. Is she speaking for the venue? Every single patron in there? Who's she speaking for?
How dare she? How dare she? How dare she? And I just was, I'd already had a few by now.
Paul, I don't mind admitting to you. So you did something horrendous. No, I went, this is my time. You said, this is your time.
Yeah, it was. It was the end of the night. You know, it's valid. I'll say that for you.
Can we put the whole exchange on like this? Can you play something we know? I said, this is my time. She went, okay.
And went off. She went, she went, she went, she went. She went, she went. She went, she went.
If we fed. If we fed. If we fed. If we fed.
If we fed. If we fed. If we fed. If we fed.
Every single one of your anecdotes on tells from the dance vault into an AIM show. I have to do that. And ask it to just create new ones. Not only would it do it very easily, but they probably better than the ones you actually do.
Well, this actually happens to me, Paul. I can't. This actually happens to me. This actually happens to me.
I can't get over how your face is in silhouette. I like it. I like being a mysterious man. I'm going to go do something.
I'm sweating now. I'm going to go do stuff now. We haven't gone to that. Nothing.
Let's stop this segment then! I don't know who we've achieved, isn't he? No. We don't have any admin really you know?
The live show has done it's going to be out in a few weeks. Graims are a very good job. Thank you, Graeme. You know what might help or?
You're living about your lifestyle and not drinking all the time to excess when you work which is on professional, if you ask me, and then bringing that on professionalism and hangover to our recording session which affects the tone and energy of this It's got a new energy drink. It's called Crazy Haulters or something. I can super horse mate. It tastes the same.
It's just got a different color. I know it tastes the same. It does. That's what I'm filling in a bit of this segment.
You have 10 seconds to forgive us to taste of that. Well, you always don't pressurize with the taste testing. I just because it's boring. You have boring.
I want to say to appreciate the aroma of this drink. I may. I've been giving you my appreciative aroma before the recording. The guff in all in my face level.
Letting out. And I do it because you set an example for me to fall. I'm just very vulnerable. And I'm so easily, I'm so easily taken.
So if Daddy Eli lets off. I'm the Daddy now. Yeah, Daddy now. When you do it, it makes me feel like I want to be cool and do it too.
I don't let off. You've made. Don't let off. You've made fucking do it.
That's we both know Paul. The reality of this thing. Every time you try and break wind, it looks like you're going to have a stroke because like whole left side of your body shuts down and you fucking squeeze one out. You go rigid.
You're like poppin. You're hit by lightning. At least I don't have a fucking sailor's bum hole and it all goes flapping in the wind. This is 14 minutes and we've done nothing in these 14 minutes.
The bum sounds like a wet sailor's flag. All I could say is my artist flapping in the wind. Anyway, you through the air with filaments and fucking horrible stringy ghost meat. It's like a little wave wavelet.
Super horse. Super horse. Drink it now. Have a sip.
Super horse. One's interested in two horses. Yes, there's two horses. Yes, it's called super horse.
Right. Which of these is super the one in the horse is coral for horse, doesn't it? Look at those horse over there. No.
Look at those many horse over there. No one knows. Have you seen all those horse? It's true.
It's true. It's true. Like mice. It's not like mice, sheep or lice.
Look at those horse. That'd be nice if that was the case. Horse. Drink your drink.
15 minutes we haven't anything of content. It's not horse com. It's just the same as Red Bull. This is super horse.
This is different. So you're happy to have a mouthful of horse bunk now then. It makes me feel better. Go on then.
Oh. Crazy horses. Right. He's having a sip of his fucking stupid drink.
Does it taste like Red Bull? It tastes like Red Bull. Well, there we go. What a successful segment.
Now apologize. I'm sorry. Who's the daddy? This is the worst fucking 10 minutes of my life.
I nearly put it in. I literally put it in. Literally the worst 10 minutes. Not in the worst bit we've done on the podcast.
This is the worst time I've ever had. Right. Well, fuck you. Fuck this.
Let's move on to the star of the show, which is the Gannons Golden Games. Don't drink. Oh, I've just done half the count. My, my, my.
Twat. Moo. Twat. Wretched twat.
Listen. No, I'm stopping this. I'm trying 17 minutes. I've got to edit this.
And it's nonsense. It's full of shit. Go on. Don't interrupt me though.
I won't. But if this displeases me, I'm going to bash your meter. I'm going to see it. I'm going to see it.
And I'm going to see it. Oh, what's happening now? Palled bashing my meter. Is that what's happening in the podcast?
I'm going to bash it so much. Do you want to put something in my asshole? Do I come there in the back? Mate, I'm going to bash it so much.
It's going to like a box of beer. Yeah, it does. Very, very much so. Like a very muscally.
I'm going to give you cauliflower cock. How much you would give me cauliflower cock? I'll give you a broccoli. Cauliflower cheese.
What a broccoli. What a broccoli. Cauliflower cheese. Cauliflower cheese.
Cabbage ass. Get on with it. Get on with it. Right.
You can pour the blinds down. I really do. It's very, it's very cleary. You know.
Put those down and then put the lights on over there. Blind and held down thanks to the gift of editing. Are you ready? Yes.
I'm doing this all day. You can. Oh, god. Okay, you ready?
Yes, go for it. You're getting it. Look, we've got... It's got the game.
It's the same old shit. What does it mean it's time for it? It's over, we're going to go. Guys?
What's that? No. One, two, three... That's...
Just click twice. That's over. You don't have to click twice. Do it.
Here are your options. No, shut up. You can do it twice. And then just after the second time.
Okay. I stamp on your meters. Oh, you stop now. No, here we go, right?
Let me tell you what I'm saying. You say, what's the guy doing? What's he doing? He's gonna do what he did.
Get him, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Here we are, Trevio, get him, go, go. Here we are, Trevio, get him, go, go.
Go, go, go. That's the guy I'm thinking. I'm gonna stop on your dick. Don't fuck off.
I'll fucking drink the rest of the... Give me a splash of my three balls. I'm not opening my legs. I'm gonna stand hard with a healer.
Let's play again as gold and guns. I'm going to get your dick. Get the options. Oh fuck off!
Reader, I married him. The greatest love story ever told. Oh, Ganon's Golden Games, Paul. Yes, we're doing Ganon's Golden Games, and a few weeks ago I mentioned that there was a game I was after for a long time, and it's been on my bucket list of Ganon's Golden Games, and recently I found it online.
Now usually when I look for it, it's been in pieces, so you have to buy loads of pieces to build at one board game, and that's how they get you. They sell them separately, all the different bits. Well, because some of you buy eBay, well, if you haven't got those bits, here's half the board game that we've got left, you can buy all these bits to complete your selection, you know, your collection. And then the game's gone for 50, 60, 70 quid sometimes.
I've got this for £12. So Paul, sorry, complete. When you see it for 60, 70, is this because someone has actually bought lots of different bits? No, because they are proud of the fact that they were complete set.
That is very to go. It's quite expensive, and looking at it Paul, you can see why. It's a really delightful looking game. Yeah, what I've got today is called Mooore Madness!
I've got flats. So it's made by Milton Bradley, and I was wrong. I did say this came out in 92, but what I didn't know until I read the Wikipedia article is that originally it was a 1988 game, and it had no electric voice components. Right, but this is the latest, so to speak, edition with the electronic voice component.
Yeah, the instruction manual, yes, that looks very much like a Nickelodeon or a late going live period kind of design, right? Yes, but the actual board itself, the sort of marble effect floor of the moor, and also all the fonts are very 80s. They are very 80s. I know what, yeah, I'll give you that.
I will give you that. But I think the reboot, the 90s, well, the 90s, 92 is still kind of still with 80s. You know what I mean? There's still that little bit of 80s hangover to everything about it.
Culturally, yes, it's what we call the long 80s. Well, here's what I didn't know. So it was released in 92, it was a reboot. It's also given a new design in 96 in 2004 and a re-designed version in 2020.
Oh, I believe that's a version of a littlest pet shop or something kind of take on the image. Littlest Pet Shop is a brand of toys for kids, tiny little pets, and I think they've rebranded this to be a littlest pet shop take on the game. Oh, so they're all just different pet shops and big mall. There's also a Hannah Montana special edition of Mall Madness.
So they've done other skins. It must have been quite popular then. Well, this is what I'm saying, this is what I said to you before. I reckon we could do a cheap show skin of this.
And it's a flea market, it's a charity shop and a bookstore and a record store and a pound land. Well, there's already a record store on this. Yeah, you know what I mean? So what fascinates me, Paul, are all of these fonts, all the shops have different fonts that suit them and they are classic ones.
Like the card shop is that classic 80s chip and chip chip and chip chip, fish and chip shop in the suburbs. Yeah. You know, that hand painted sign look and the computer store has, I think that font is known as computer or something like that. Because electronics is definitely digital readout like an LED calculator.
So I think just so people are aware of what this is. It's a board game that has a 3D toy element because it has a 3D model more built out of plastic segments and things like that. And it's quite elaborate because every single segment comes with a piece of cardboard, which is also the map that the board game piece itself. So yeah, effectively the board game is part board game where you move around the squares and part kind of toy because it has two levels, the lower level and the top level of shops and I think there's about 20 and all stuff like that.
And then in the middle there's a bank, there's a walkway that connects it and the bank is where you go to take money out. And there are two slots in the bank for you to put your credit card in, want to buy things and want to take money out. Okay. And then you press the button and it moves you around.
But I'll take the other game. The other thing is to be the first player to purchase six items on this shopping list and get back to the parking lot for their final destination to win. Depending on the version of the game, different rules apply and explain the rules to Eli off mic because it's kind of simple, but I can't embarrass myself any further. But effectively, you get some money, you've got a shopping list, you've got to get six items and get back to your space and before the other players.
And the computer tells you where to move and how the outcome of sales and things go. Can I just say, yeah, the design is delightful. I played it upon the day just to test it out and it was surprisingly fun to play considering it's quite basic in some respects. It's not challenging in any way.
It's more about how savvy you want to play it or how bluntly you want to play it because the thing is throughout the game, there are sales and clearance sales in certain stores. So strategically, you could race to that store to buy something cheaper and therefore you don't have to take more money out to complete your shopping. So there is some strategy, a tiny bit. And then every few minutes, it changes where those sales and clearance sales are.
Is the money actually? If you're buying money or game of life money, you get £200 to start with and your shopping list is this. It's a board. Like a little cribbage board.
Yeah, that shows you the mall from the top down here. And you have six pegs and all those pegs do represent your items. So when you buy something, you'll put it in that shop. So you don't have to go back there because what you bought something there, you can't go back.
And so if you see, it matches up. Every shop also has the item, the price. So if you go to the car shop, for example, you can buy a writing set. Normally it's £45.
If it's got a sales sign outside the shop, it's £25. If it's clearance, it's £15. So you see, but also when you put your credit card into buy it, there's a random factor there because it might say, we've run out or there's a long queue. Or it'll say, oh, actually, it's a clearance on this item.
Or it'll say, you know, it's £5 more expensive. There's a little bit of last minute. Oh, what's going to happen to it? I love the design.
I really do. It's very nostalgic. All those pastel purples and blues and reds and stuff. Yeah.
And the outside of the level, they're having two levels. It's very molly, isn't it? It's a weird Brent Cross. I love it.
Yeah, that's the thing. You look at it. It's like Bread Cross the board game. There's only two people in there and all the shops are over.
Listen, I was at Brent Cross the other day. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people there. Lots and lots of people.
What I love about it, like you said, is the artwork, the design. I like the fact that it all gets linked together a little car, poor pathways and things. So, you know, every space is like a marble slab. It's really lovely.
It's a really lovely looking game. I wonder if the updates. I'd really be, oh, I didn't know the work. I'm going to look into that.
Yeah, I'd like to see the artwork. Oh, yeah, they were huge 90s. Hence the film like Morax, for example. But the one from, or seen some of all, 2020, you'd imagine is some kind of nostalgic retro mall.
I bet it's more like a village boardwalk. You know, it's got that vibe. It's an outdoor shopping mall because it's not inside anymore. It's all like a little village of shops.
They're outlet villages. Look at Westfield shopping centre, for example. Box parks. Yeah.
Things like that. It's six to one half of them and other when it comes to that stuff. So we're going to play this right now. I'm just going to pop off the mic and tell you like a few more little rules that we'll talk as we come across them.
I'll read them and advance them. Talk as we come across them. I'm just like, oh, do you like it on your tits? That's what I'm talking about.
Come across them. Anyway, would you like it on your tits? So let's play the game. Here's the thing.
Will he like winning? I think it's the best game ever. Oh, will he lose? Let's say it's fucking shit.
Listen, let's find out. I think it's the best thing ever whatever happens. And you can say that. You can have that recording of me saying that.
Take that to the bank. I will not complain and say it's shit if I lose. All right. Good.
I'm saying that now, Paul. And also, if I win, I will not say it's the best thing ever. In fact, I'll do the opposite. I'm saying that you win.
I'll say this is a shit piece of shit. Oh, I'm angry. You heard it here first? Yes.
Stop it out. No, that's what don't do that when you have nothing else to say. Just go, stop it out. Chardon me.
I haven't said I've heard those words. Chungus, Macdungus, whatever it is that come down your fevered brain this week. I am fevered. Yeah.
The super horse isn't touching the sides. What does that mean? The super horse isn't touching the sides. Yeah, that makes it sound like a man with a big dick.
Compenetrate you properly, because you're arseholes too baggy. You're the one with a baggy arsehole. You don't. It's like a fucking navel wind.
I'm Michael Winslow. I'm an alley-gott there. Hey, what about this? Nina, Nina, Nina, what's that?
A-m-over. What about poo? Right, let's go on. Oh, hi, Eli.
Fancy meeting you at the Chodney Mall. Oh. Great improvisation, Silverman. Oh, yes, the Chodney Mall.
What do they have here? Do they have Chodneys? Do they have Porefs? What's over there?
It's a Clackney Aaron. No, no. It's a Clackney Aaron. What's you doing?
All hearing like that? Clackney Aaron. He's got a Mildred. Oh, it's in the river.
Paul. Let's do an improvisation. All right, we need to meet at the mall. Let's try again.
Try again. Sorry, I didn't know that's what was going to happen. I thought we could play after this. Okay.
All right. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. It's you in it.
It's what you do and you can't think of anything. Oh. I've got some questions before we do the improvisation. I've already explained the rules to Eli.
We'll play it as we go. Lovely explanation session. I did all right. Yes.
It's a simple game, many respects. Oh, you've managed to confuse me about it. Oh, that's because you don't listen. I did listen.
You've done what you want, you want your phone. I kept on talking just to be belligerent. Now, then, now, then. How's about that?
Milton Bradley, yeah? Yes. Have they been? Oh.
He's not going to sell many ice cream to go and get that speed. Next. Milton Bradley. Was that also, has Milton Bradley, MB games?
Mm-hmm. Been absorbed by... Yes, it has. When did that happen?
Early 2000? I was like, yeah, I don't think there's any MB. This is probably a Mattel joint or Hasbro joint now. I think it might be Hasbro.
I don't know. They own everything. They own everything. You think Hasbro and Disney will join together?
You know what? Eventually one day they'll be mega core. You know what I mean? I was interested because you've distributed money.
We both start with money. 200 pounds each. And these are Milton Bradley dollars. Well, Milton Bradley is on the middle of them.
Yeah. It says non-negotiable. Where the Benjamin Franklin would be or whoever, the Queen or whatever. Yeah.
Although you wouldn't get the Queen on toy money, would you? It would not allow it to be illegal. Yes. Now, it's one side.
What I'm getting at, Paul, is... What other... Milton Bradley seem to have just Milton Bradley money, which would be any game that needed their money. I think it's different from game to game.