EP 298: If You've Tried Everything (Including Therapy) & You're Still Struggling ~ You're Not Failing & You're Not Behind

We just got back from a few days at the lake, and I came home with something on my heart I have to share with you — especially if you're the woman who has already tried. You've done the therapy. Maybe more than once. You've read the books, listened to the podcasts, worked the treatment programs. And you're still here, still struggling, carrying a specific kind of heavy: "If I've done all this… why am I not better yet? What's wrong with me?" Sis, nothing is wrong with you. And in today's quiet, reflective episode, I want to hand you the truth that surfaced for me in the stillness by the water — the one that sets that shame down for good. For years, I did not know how to pause. Before recovery, I was going, and going, and going — always chasing the next destination, the next thing to control. And if I'm honest, I dragged that same energy into recovery. Even healing became a race. Am I there yet? Am I better yet? What's the next box to check? Here's what the lake taught me: you cannot expect to know your right next step if you're unwilling to sit in the pause. The answer doesn't come in the sprint. It comes in the stillness. The quote that undid me: "You must forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach." If you're the woman who's tried everything — including therapy — you're carrying so much shame that it didn't "work" yet. I did the hard thing. I showed up. Why am I still struggling? But hear me: your attempts were not failures. Some things can only be understood after — after you grow, after you go through it, after time quietly teaches you what you simply couldn't have known before. Every round of trying wasn't wasted time. It was the living that was growing the truth in you. You weren't behind. You weren't failing. You were becoming. I'm a woman of faith, and I believe stillness is where God finally gets a word in edgewise. But the science backs it up, too. When you're in constant motion, your nervous system lives in fight-or-flight — and a body stuck in stress doesn't heal well or think clearly. The part of your brain that figures out your "next right step" actually dims under chronic stress. So of course the answer won't come while you're sprinting. Here's the study that convinced me: researchers ran a huge experiment — over 2,000 people across 37 sites, and these weren't monks, they were total beginners — compared against people doing another calm activity (listening to stories). They found that even a single mindfulness exercise, done one time, measurably lowered stress. Not after ten years. One pause. One time. As a beginner. You don't have to be good at this, sis. And it compounds: in a separate ten-week program, more than 8 in 10 people showed a real drop in stress by the end. (Fun note — globally, women are nearly twice as likely as men to reach for this kind of stillness. We already know we need it.) The going-going-going isn't just wearing you out. It's keeping the wisest part of you switched off. The pause turns her back on. The proof, sitting at a lake: Here's the part that made me teary in my chair by the water. I looked at my life on this trip and realized I was living the exact thing I never believed was possible for me. I ate normally. With other people. I planned meals with my family every night and had what was served. I didn't panic, didn't calculate, didn't restrict the day before or promise to "make up for it" after. I sat at a lake, in my body, and felt not one second of unease. Not one flicker of regret about my weight. I was just there — present with my people, at peace in my skin. Ten years ago I'd have sworn that woman wasn't in me. But she was. The whole time. I just hadn't yet lived the years that would grow her. And if she was in me, sis — she is in you. A few lines from the episode "You must forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach." "Your attempts weren't wasted time. They were the living that grew the truth in you." "You weren't behind. You weren't failing. You were becoming." "The pause isn't lazy. The silence isn't wasted time. It's where the knowing lives." "Even one small moment of stillness moves the needle. You don't have to be good at it. You just have to begin." "You are not behind. You are right on time." Find your own version of the lake. It doesn't have to be a trip — it can be ten minutes in your car before you walk inside, a morning coffee with no phone, a walk with no podcast (even mine). Just you, the pause, and the silence. Remember, the research says even one small moment counts. You don't have to be good at it. You just have to begin. And while you're there, say this out loud if you can: "I forgive myself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach me." Let that be enough for today. If you're ready to stop sprinting alone - let's work together sis! If part of what you're realizing in the stillness is that you don't want to keep doing this by yourself — that the thing that's been missing isn't more trying, but the right support walking beside you — I'd be honored to be that person. Connect with Lindsey: 🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show: 💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week! Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now. Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly. *While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.