Ep. 3: The struggle to assert autonomy and defy expectations, with Aarti

I'm excited to share this new episode of Bad Mothers, because it's my first speaking to a fellow child-free person. I've noticed that many people assume that the reason I don't have children is due to my fraught relationship with my mother. It's a reasonable thing to think, so I wanted to meet more women who are child-free and estranged. Were they, like me, never really inclined to have children, or have their mothers played a role in some way?My guest today, Aarti, has not stopped contact with her mother, but she lives very far away. Aarti lives in the US, and her mother in India. They have a complicated and distant relationship. Many of Aarti's experiences as an adolescent have contributed to her decision to not have children, but as she explains, her choice is also related to how she'd like to live her life and her awareness that we do not live in an equal society. In many ways Aarti has moved beyond her mother's more traditional expectations for her -- both in terms of being a woman but also being an Indian woman. Aarti’s fruitless struggle to be known by her mother in spite of these differences, I think, will be familiar for many of us. If you're going through something similar, I hope this conversation offers you some support. In this episode we discuss being child-free, the myth of a carefree or careless estrangement, setting healthy boundaries, the responsibility of caregiving, finding balance in romantic relationships (especially when we carry a lot of emotional baggage), cultural expectations, narcissistic mothers and hyper-independence.If you have any feedback, you can reach me at [email protected]. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit monicacardenas.substack.com/subscribe