Ep 30: Why Saying "Thank You" to a Compliment Is WRONG in Japan - The Art of Kenson (謙遜の作法)

Welcome to Episode 30 of Real Japanese Talk with Haruka & Saki! 🗼🐙Saki's foreign friend got complimented by a Japanese person, said a cheerful "Thank you!" — and the room went awkward. Why? Because in Japan, the polite response to a compliment isn't to accept it gracefully — it's to deny it first. "Oh no, not at all," "I'm still learning," "I have a long way to go." This is 「謙遜」 (kenson, modesty/humility), one of the most important and confusing social arts in Japanese culture, and getting it wrong makes you look like you're bragging.Three target words today: 謙遜 (kenson, "modesty/humility" — the Japanese virtue of presenting yourself humbly), とんでもないです (tondemonai desu, "not at all / you're too kind" — the single most powerful humble phrase you'll ever need), and 否定する (hitei suru, "to deny" — because the first move when complimented is to deny the praise).Haruka and Saki demonstrate the compliment-and-deflect dance live, walk you through the essential humble phrases (sonna koto nai desu, mada mada desu, kyoushuku desu), and reveal the crucial balance: deny once, but if they praise you again, accept gracefully — over-denying is just as awkward as bragging. Episode 30 special!【Today's Vocabulary / 今日の言葉】・謙遜 (けんそん) - Presenting your abilities or achievements modestly, rating yourself low. Equivalent to English "modesty" or "humility." A deeply valued virtue in Japanese culture — especially when complimented, the polite move is to first downplay yourself with phrases like 「いえいえ、まだまだです」 (oh no, I still have a long way to go). Accepting praise too readily can make you seem like you're bragging or getting carried away, so deflecting once before accepting is the mark of a mature adult. However, over-doing the modesty becomes tiresome and can trouble the other person, so balance matters. Used in forms like 「謙遜する」 (to be modest), 「謙遜の美徳」 (the virtue of modesty), 「ご謙遜を」 (you're too modest).・とんでもないです (とんでもないです) - A go-to phrase for strongly denying a compliment, thanks, or apology while being humble. Equivalent to English "Not at all" or "You're too kind." It means "that's absolutely not the case," and is the most powerful humble phrase when complimented. For example, if told 「日本語上手ですね」 (your Japanese is great), the natural reply is 「とんでもないです、まだまだです」 (not at all, I still have a long way to go). It's also versatile: in response to thanks (「ありがとう」 → 「とんでもないです」 = you're welcome) or an apology (「すみません」 → 「とんでもないです」 = don't worry about it). The more polite 「とんでもございません」 is also heard, though 「とんでもないです」 is considered grammatically correct.・否定する (ひていする) - To negate or contradict something, saying it isn't so. Equivalent to English "to deny." In Japanese modesty culture, denying a compliment once is the basic move. When praised with 「日本語上手ですね」 (your Japanese is good), the polite response is to deny once: 「いえ、そんなことないです」 (no, that's not true). This isn't a genuine denial but a ritual one for the sake of modesty. However, repeating the denial too many times becomes tiresome and troubles the other person, so the smart approach is to deny once, then graciously accept a second compliment. The antonym is 「肯定する」 (to affirm). Widely used in everyday contexts too: 「意見を否定する」 (deny an opinion), 「事実を否定する」 (deny a fact).📄 Get the Full Transcript with Furigana & Study Guide on our Patreon!シャドーイングに便利な「ふりがな付き台本」はこちら：👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/posts/155837588⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Transparency Disclosure: To maximize your learning experience, this podcast is produced using Google's generative AI technology for precise scriptwriting and clear, high-quality audio generation.