You ring shut up. That's not how it's starting. You tell me how we start then? It's all up to you.
I would like to start by saying three words of contrition Paul. Three simple words of contrition. Okay, take it away. Mr.
Silverman. Zinc, motorcade. I'll try again. Hang on.
Let's see that. I like it. I like the way the shooter races up. I'm coming towards the camera now.
Here I am. Hello. It's not a camera though, is it Paul? Oh, wack, saw again.
Eli. Yes. I'm all laid back in the chair and goes back. Wait, if I adjust my weight...
Oh, I can't fucking... I got... Hey, it relaxes me into the position for the microphone to talk into. Thus, my voice recorded.
Paul. Do you have out of interest, Eli? It's three words of contrition. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I have three simple words of contrition. Three simple words of contrition. And I hope they count for something. I hope they count for something.
Eli, give us your three words, though. I'm not gonna take your words. Why are you nicking my words? I'm not just giving you...
You fucking always nicking my words. You know that? Are we doing a bit where squishy gym? Fucking proposes to let mad him lady plops, yeah?
And I go, will you make me... My line is meant to be, will you be Mrs. Gym? And I paused because it's drama.
I paused slightly. And you jumped right into Nick My Line, because you like the line. No, here's why. It's there on the tape, Paul.
It's there on the flipping tape. First of all, there was no script for this show. So there was no line for a talk. We just lost that line.
You stole that line from second of all. Because you did so low energy, the whole fucking second act, and burning out before things even really got started. And just being utterly unprofessional and shit towards the end. I just thought you'd forgotten or you were just being too lax today as I go.
Either way, I thought I'd speed the thing up. The pause was on my quote. It's called drama. It's called drama.
It's called... It's called... It's called in the cutting thrust of comedy. It's called performance, Paul.
It's called acting. You don't know fucking shit about acting. I'm going to say it. You think of yourself as an actor because you're an actor, but you're not an actor.
You're not a model of the clock to be considered an actor. You don't have plenty of acting. You don't listen to people on stage. You wrap up in yourself the whole time.
I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. That's it. I will not be called a bad actor by you.
If you line stealing, can't. There's no lines to steal. It was an improvised show. You fucking nest-faced cunt.
You're the one kicking off hell. We fucking start a fucking show. And suddenly, I'm a bad actor who doesn't listen on stage. I won't have it.
We'll not have what's coming up on the show then today, Paul. I thought you're doing three words of contrition. Right. Do you want to hear my before you nick them from me?
Does anyone want to hear my three words of contrition? I'm angry with you. Right. You know what the third one is now?
You remember it? Yes. Do you though? I've got it in my mind.
So you've got zinc, you've got motorcaded. What's the first... You can't don't fucking nick it. You can't remember it.
That's why I vaporwave. That's my third word of fucking contrition. And that's our cold open. Oh, God, the worst ever.
I hate you and your fucking noodle posy. I hate to keep showing you're going to have to learn the fucking accept. Cheep show. Up, round, round, round, round.
Cheep show. It's the price of shine. Be like silver. Welcome to Cheep show.
And a girl and a nuzzle. Welcome to Cheep show, the economy comedy podcast where me and my co-host go through the bargain into charity shops and powerlands of Great Britain. And we bring you, or we try to, bring you the treasure we find among the trash. And I'm Paul Gannon, and my co-host is, that's me, Eli Silverman, the co-host of this show.
And we're thrilled, absolutely thrilled to bring in you the content this week that we've found out and about in the Great British Country side. And Eli's stepping, brain not working, sensing stuff. Brain working, not working. Yeah.
I could just do something, maybe something along the lines of we go out, we scrimmage, we scramble, we get in the underground and we can just all around in the cultural underground. Here it is. What's this? What was it?
Oh, discarded, object. It's just trying to get a scribe. Oh, I think Paul's falling asleep. Paul.
Paul. I'm asleep Eli. Paul. What's the moment to touch my wing key though?
I was asleep. Oh. Oh. I'm having a...
We got nothing. We got nothing this week. Wow. Sorry guys.
We got nothing this week. Paul's really derailed me by saying he's a bad actor. That's all right. I haven't seen it for years.
I know. I'm just trying to get a rise out of me. Yeah. It works.
Anyway, hello. Welcome to the podcast. I'm feeling laid back today. It's because of that fucking chair.
I love this chair. It's bad for you. I just want to do this. Oh, no, no, no.
Stop doing that. We're trying to do a podcast. It's too comfortable Eli. Come on, cut them, raise yourself.
Ee. Oh. When are Lady Plops and Sushi Jim Gennetai? Well, I spoke to Lady Plops on the phone last week for me enough.
And she was saying, I'm going to date yet, but it'll be summer next year, I think. So they reckon they're going to do a big wedding. Is it poo themed? Because that's their thing.
I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to tie them out at 222. Number two, at 222.
Perhaps it'll be 222 themed because two is a poo. Two is an escripage. It was going so well. Sometimes you start a sentence and I'm invested, and they all go binging bongy bong bong bong.
It's your sentence. Just to be clear. What's the point of you? I don't know.
What is the point of me, Paul? Shall we get into it? No. I don't want to get into it.
I'm a good actor. I know that much. Yeah. I did a lot of acting.
Before? Yeah, I have actually. And also, there was that fucking review that we got in total. What we talking about now?
How could I am acting? No one reviewed your acting on short. Bloody did, the first review we got, the first end of the video we did with Rose Hamburg. Yeah.
Contained the line, and I clearly remember this. Of course, you've been to it in your head. Eli Silverman appears to be the only one who can act. That's not the sentence.
How much do you want to fucking bet? We do a fucking whip search for it. Hey, the last thing I want to do right now is read an old fucking review of Sketchup we did 15 years ago. No, I don't.
Come on. Just start this whole episode. Yeah, and what's great is, if you were such a good actor by then, was such an open promise, I think about the time of distance between that article and now, and what you've done in that time, which is a big fat zero. I've now performed in an award-winning short film, Paul.
Did you? You might have heard of it. I don't remember it at all. Clank a man, it's cool.
Yeah. Well, I'm making a sequel to that. Clank a man too. George McLangh.
Right? It's about a Clank a Man sent from the future. I'm liking this. It's not mocking me.
I'm not actually clanking a man. It's sent from the future to go back in time and find out these missing sounds that they need in the future to bring calm. So, like, you know, like the whales in like Star Trek 4, it's like, but there's no whales anymore, so they have to go back in time and get whales. You have to go back in time and get like, like a glove to put on a railing or something.
20% turns like that. I'm liking what you hear about this, Paul. Can I just ask one thing? Love interest?
Well, this is interesting. This is where I'm spicing it up. Right? Because the love interest is also the villain.
Right? Do you mind if I just touch yourself? Yeah, go for it. We'll be getting to be like that fat body on the...
My heart. My heart says, maybe a margarose for the role, right? Yeah. But I know for a fact, Molly Lipman's walked...
Lipman? Fucking Lipman! So, Molly Lipman. Sarah, Jane Lipman or...?
That's for my film. You fucking leave Sarah Greenline. That's my film. I make Ghost Watch 2.
Oh, Ghost Watch 2. Yeah, work it's... Glory Hole. Yeah, I go into the Glory Hole.
Retamed to the Glory Hole. That's... It should be gold. To save Sarah Green from the void.
If you listen to don't know what we're talking about. Don't give a fuck, mate. This is our thing. Ghost Watch was a very famous...
Let's talk about Ghost Watch 2. I never went to touch one post. We went to see it at the BFI, didn't we? Yeah.
And it was very enjoyable and brilliant night. But we didn't know one in the audience remembers that there is an actual glory hole as in the non-porn meaning of that. Yes. It's just a glory hole.
Because back in 1993, whatever that came out, it was like, the glory hole's like, oh, that's on settling spooky place. It's like a cubby hole underneath the stairs. That's right. That's where pipes was found dead with all the cats eating.
So that was the original definition of glory hole. It's just that small... No, it wasn't. I mean, I don't know.
Well, why is it in that script then? Because it goes... Well, this is the thing I don't know when glory hole became glory hole. That's what I mean.
Glory Hole had a non-porn meaning before, which we were using in Ghost Watch. Which I presume was something covered under the stairs or something. Or hiding place. You know what I mean?
Like, you know, those monks that used to hide from the persecution. Maybe something like that. So when we were watching it with a full audience... Then one day a monkey got his cock out and put it out of the hole.
And then they were screaming at the real glory. And then they were screaming at the real glory. Glory be to God. A fucking spank in his young child's mouth.
Nice. Well, they did. No, I know. Catholic Church.
No, we all know about the filth of the gravity of the Catholic Church. Well, that's why I'm like a point. A political point. This is the right place for that.
This is the right place for it. Oh, just, honestly suggesting a monk giving up his higher place. Who would be sacking the monk's dick on the other side of a younger monk, wouldn't it? Probably an exploited monk.
A monk like a munk like that. I'm like, cutify the word. The monk like the glory hole. Now, which sounds like a kind of thriller.
Yeah, it's a good one. Paul. Anyway, Maureen Lettman plays the Magistry of the Dark Void. And she represents it.
And what they want to do is bring silence to the galaxy because noise offends them. And any culture that makes noise needs to be silenced. And so with the Clankama, they're in the future. They've achieved that.
So the Clankama is coming back to make fun and be out of noise. Yeah, it has a dalliance. There's going to be a hot love scene where Maureen Lettman invites you to a green palace, right? Oh, it's all green.
It's like Emerald, you know, it's like just like in the dying, just ages. I'm making it for the feet. Excellent. And she's in this kind of weird chair, which has like tentacles coming out the sides of it.
And you walk towards her to make your thing, you're trying to talk to her. You want to politically talk this out without bloodshed, right? Clankama wants to do this. I'm very serious.
Then I can't sit down in the fucking camel toes. The mumble of the camel toes. We'd have to use some kind of CG or prosthetics to her. Oh, I'm all the theoretical ready.
I don't know why. I've already got it. Oh, I'll be interested in borrowing that. We could share a place that you want.
This is ridiculous. This is working on our offices and free speeds. Just splash a bit of green on it. Make it across.
Splashy splash splash. Anyway, you go up to Maureen Lettman and it doesn't work. And her tentacles lift you up into the air and bring you towards her, right? Face the face.
And she goes, you will fuck me, but you will show not to make a sound. And then you have to have a completely silent sex with her. I can do that, man. If you make one sound, I'll eat your heart out.
She's like, we don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a whole... Doctor Puss Black Widow sort of makes you.
And then I'm sitting on a floating cloud making copious notes of everything you do. And I judge if you keep silent. Now, what ends? Right, the irony is, is it at the end, the ejaculate sounds you make is the sound that brings the universe piece.
So when you go... Like that, at the end, you're fucking jettisoning your nuts into it. This is an 18, I'm thinking now. There's like a soundway that goes throughout the galaxy and brings piece and order.
Well, Paul, I have my issues. I like where you're going with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we need to tone it down, perhaps behind closed doors.
I don't think about it. I've got a Maureen Whitman mask, if you want. Maureen Whitman. It's not a knockoff of Maureen Lettman.
It's a copy character. It's a copy character of Maureen Lettman. Now, what's going on with that? Because there is Gantaris.
That's why we're avoiding Harrow again, because we can't get into your place anymore. There's basically a champagne room. They've turned the house of mashing eggs into a champagne room. They're annexed, the whole fucking podcast, like Russia and the East Bank.
It's why we're back in the Harrow estate again today. Back in Harrow. Now, I was sent a joke by my Boomer parents. Good.
Do you want to make this quick? This is already 10 minutes and it doesn't need to be. We have actually, we've reached peak intro. Paul, just to be clear to everyone, okay?
There's a segment losing energy, mate. No, it's not going to put it around. I'm going to put it around and pull it around. He's pulling it around here.
He's pulling it around here. He's pulling it around here and pull it out. You've been doing that since episode 100. He's talking to you.
It's a phrase I use, okay, Paul? It's part of who I am. Yeah? Anyway, you boomer joke appearance.
No, I'm not doing that. No, you've got to. What's the punch line? You're a co-sucker.
Yeah, co-burn. Someone sits down and he's called Coburn, but he's a hiccup. What the actor? Coburn.
No, the surname Coburn. Coburn. So there's some hic from out of town. He sits down and the guy looks at some Sherry and goes, oh, Coburn, Sherry.
Yeah. And the guy next to me goes, actually, sir, it's pronounced Coburn. And he goes, oh, thank you, Coburn. Oh.
So you know what I'm going to say? Whoo. I mean, I'm not going to say you completely ruin this segment. Put you out.
I'm going to pull this all around him. Tie a bow on it now, okay? Tie a bow on it. Okay.
If you like it, then you better tie a bow on it. Zinc is the substance that you take to make your camp rich and creamy. Not magnesium as we espouse on the podcast. Magnesium, I think, is something that you do in your diet as well.
I've got vitamins, multivitamins. And I've seen a difference to my junk's bonk as well. No, you have. You fucking have.
You sniff your own cam like a filth monster. I have to, usually, cut all over my face, isn't it, when I'm done? Tie it at this bit, oh? Please.
Please do. Nah. All right. Zinc makes you come hard.
Motocade is what you drive along in your body. And they'll not hard. They'll make it come out like bullets. It does.
Well, that cornflowers stuff. That when you're punching it, it's not about when it dribbles for your fingers. It's wet. It's not semi-solid.
It's spank mate. And shoot. It shoots out. It shoots out.
It's hard. It's hard to flow. Imagine this. Imagine this.
Right? It's hard to cast. A normal garden hose. This is almost 15 minutes.
I've got this up. A normal garden hose. Yes. And I've turned it on.
I put it against your face. Oh, that's hard. Like that. But cam.
Right. So you can't come hard. Next. It doesn't make you come hard.
Yeah. It's a firm flow. Next. Motocates.
What Joe Biden drove past me in. And third and foremost. A vapor wave is the recent genre of music, which is not that recent. But there you go.
Right on the show today, we're talking about tea and we're doing records. See you after the summer. Yay. It's tea timey.
Like a cup of tea. I always love a cup of tea, Paul. I like green tea. I like black tea.
I like oolong tea. I like jasmine tea recently. I've been enjoying. I like iced tea.
I love iced tea. Especially it's early work. Okay. Oh, it's really left me.
Yeah. Left me hanging. Why? Tea parties, they used to be, didn't they?
Yeah. No one has tea parties anymore, didn't they? No, it was a 17th thing. Well, don't you talk to your tea at all.
Then you'd reach in and take a bag out and then you'd make a cup of tea with that bag. That's not true. It is true. You look it up with your internet.
Another type of party that is what did exist, but no one goes for now. Bean feasts. Bean feasts. Bean feasts party.
Yeah, we remember seeing that on a wall. It didn't have to do. It made me for a bean feasts. Yeah.
Yeah. Flicking the bean feasts. Hey, darling. I've been feasts.
I've had a lot of things. I've feasts on you. Imagine making a cup of tea with Spunk. Well, that's funny enough what this segment's about.
No. Oh, no. I can make three cup of tea. I've got my weapons in.
You've got all Spunk. There's no water. It's like a cup of Spunk. I mean, it all spoiled before you could feel the coffee.
You have to warm it as well. You have to warm the whole time. You have to have it on one of those student ovens that you get in terrible accommodation. Just parvelling away.
Halday. Oh, Spunk's ready. What long bought two? Oh, we have fun on this podcast.
No, yes. Spunk tea. Look, do you like tea? I do.
I do. And the reason why we're talking about tea is because remember we're months ago now we did eggs because you said eggs is eggs. And they turned out to be eggs. Largely eggs.
Yeah, the taste was, you know, you can taste like eggs all over the world. Eggs taste the same. It's a shame, but it's a true fact. Now, a lot of people still won't accept that when I talk to them about it, Paul.
They won't accept that eggs taste the same. And it's fine for me. That's benevolent falsehood because you're helping them by buying more expensive eggs. You're helping the welfare of chickens.
I guess. Yeah. You know what I mean? So that's good.
If that like keeps us in part the industry in a better place, then yeah fine. Absolutely. Okay. What we're talking about with tea here is an absolute sacred cow, which we're going to do flower.
We're going to fucking, you know what, I'm not going to stop myself. I'm going to give myself the hand to stop that analogy from developing. But we all know what's going and I will cut it out anyway. So it doesn't matter, does it?
Yeah. There is a thing about how tea is made, right? The order of all business when it comes to making tea. And the overall agreed opinion is what do you like?
Tea bag in the cup. Tea bag in the cup. Water freshly boiled, but not just off the boil. Yes.
So it's stopped bubbling. I'm going to put it on to the tea bag. Leave it for about two minutes at the most. I've had three in some cases, but I think it's too long.
I don't want to stew it because it gets all the greasy bits of tanning. Yeah. It's horrible, staining nicely. But up to two minutes, let's say.
Then you give it a stir maybe and a squeeze of it aside. Just a little squeeze. Flip it in the bin. Milk.
And sugar if you take it. And then sometimes you get people who go, now I'll put your tea bag in with the milk and just pour the whole water on and then stick it. And then it freaks out, don't they? Now there's a funny thing about seasoning in this country.
It's one of these national emblems, isn't it? It's weird though. I mean, if you think about it, Britain's actually more of a coffee country historically. The coffee was first, right?
Well, I mean, like, if you, for instance, even in the late 1800s, maybe in the 1700s, I don't know. No, 1700s, it was in the coffee shops in all over London, like there are. It was huge craze when it first came over. Yeah.
But you never really had as many tea shops to the same extent because I think coffee shops were seen in the same way as some extent, opium dens. They were like hangouts, they were places where artists went and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, because I mean, you have to imagine what the impact it's very difficult to conceive of, what the impact of caffeine would be like on a society that had never experienced it. Yeah.
Yeah, how psychoactive it would be. It would be like doing cocaine. It would be like, Eli, tea has the exact same quantity of caffeine. It does not.
It does not. It does not. It does. It does.
It does. It does. It does. It does.
It does. It does. The difference is that you put a lot more coffee in your cup than your tea bag. So you have as much caffeine in a cup of tea as opposed to a coffee because the ratio is completely different.
Yeah, of actual material. Yeah. Yeah. Coffee, yeah.
Also, people think that espresso is really caffeinated and like, oh, it's kind of an espresso because it's going to give me a jag. Yeah. But that's not true. It's not true.
Let's get connected to that. OK. Really? Cool.
OK. Okay. Thank you. Good.
Okay. It seems like my cheese or something, that is really not fucking true and it would be a lot of tries and things. OK. Just'm wrong.
Just Recession and su enjoying it. When's it all gonna be , how did Dawson mean? I'm not going to get into that. Right, okay.
Tea, right. Yeah, coffee was first and coffee, funnily enough, was subversive, but also led to the development of the stock market. Okay. Did you know that?
No. They all, they, that started in short. So, what's the other thing about coffee though? Why are we today?
It's not making it about coffee. Tea is this symbol of Britain. We love it, but it's totally linked to the Imperial era. India.
Yeah. So, it was one of the things that went out there and drank, isn't it? Yeah. So, yeah.
And then it took over. Anyway, people in this country, Brits, they get really shirty about it. Oh, fuck off. It's tea.
Yeah. I mean, it's like a huge, even more of a culture ingrained in their own. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's huge. They don't drink it. They put fucking cream in honey.
You know what I mean? I imagine that. But come on. Now, green tea, you know, is exactly the same plant.
Yes. It's just dried to a different, yes. And same with white tea as well. Yes.
Today. I'm going to move this on. Today, we're going to do an experiment. We're going to tackle that issue of how you prepare tea for the best.
Because I honestly think unless you see it getting made, you'd never know. I think maybe that, but maybe I'm going to prefer the heresy cup, which is where you put the milk in the tea bag at the same time. Yeah. Yeah.
And then the water. And then the people are like, never, never, never. But mate, here's the thing. I'm going to add a third random factor.
Now, I think this might fall off. I might not be able to tell. But it might be a good barometer of the other two. Yeah.
My theorem is I'm going to take our third test cup today. Yes. This is a complete edge Lord angle on this. And by the way, everybody, we will be using exact measurements, water, sleeping time.
We're going to talk about a second. Yeah. But the third cup will be a cup with milk in, then hot water, and then add the tea bag and then stew it for the same time. I can hear people screaming.
I can hear windows being smashed around the country right now. Honestly, people are being kicked, children being beaten. It's come up on those panel shows. I think Stephen Fry commented about it.
On the QIs. And Daro, when Daro, Breen was on QIs. He's been on QIs. I think it came up and they were like, absolutely not.
Very, you know, although the progressive, probably politically, they were extreme dictators about how the proper way to prepare tea. That's why people's liberal value is just fucking go out the window when it comes to tea. I call them Dictitos. I call them Dictitos.
I don't say that. Dictitos. You're the one who works really, doesn't it? Dictitos.
What happens if you cross Hitler with a... Here we go, Dictitator. Dictitator. Well, you can say what we've got, of course, Peanuts with a fascist Peanuts.
Oh, yeah. It is. What happens if you cross them? I don't care.
A fascist, a Peanuts and a potato. Dictator. Dictator. Right.
But we'll just do it. Ah, let's get around. So, we have three versions of tea and I'll be doing a blind. It'll be blind because I'll just tell you how.
I'm gonna do it in the kitchen. I'll do it in the kitchen. I'll bring you in three cups. You'll take a sip of each and you'll say one is made with the tea bag in first.
One is made with the tea and the milk in first and one is just the hot water and the milk in first and then the bag. So I will be trying to differentiate and tell you which is which as well as saying which I prefer. Yes. Now, let's quickly come up with the parameters.
We've got the measurements, we'll do that once we get to the kitchen and we'll report back. But the idea is we'll use the exact same amount of hot water in each mug. We'll use the exact same measurement of milk. Yes, we'll do that.
Same brand of tea bag, obviously. We've got PG. We have Yorkshire Gold today. Oh, okay.
That's a good cup of tea. That's a strong brew. Yeah. Right.
And I'm thinking how long do we let it sleep for? One minute untouched and then a stir and then a squeeze. One-thirty just in the bag on its own, no jostles. I think, yeah.
And then the squeeze and then out after a minute and a half. And then wait there. I'm going to stir it. Let's talk about this.
How many steers, cockwise? Ten, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, five, one, two, three, four, five, squeeze. That's quite standard, isn't it? I'm going to write this down.
Five rotations. Then the squeeze and then out, squeeze out and then preserve. And then serve. So what we're going to now is we're going to go to the kitchen, the kitchen, the second one, the second one.
Well, that doesn't matter because all those three, that's the parameters that stay the same across all three. Oh, I see. Things. Then, milk, then hot water.
No, the first one is you do the stirring and you take the tea bag out before you put the milk in. The milk is the very last thing. Yeah, but that's why I'm saying and milk. I'm telling you the order in which these things are going.
Fine. And then third is milk and then hot water and then the tea. You see what I'm saying? This is not what we're doing, but this is just that's the order of how we're introducing to the cup.
Right? We're going to go to the kitchen. We're going to go to the parameters of how much holds a cup and all this stuff and come back to you. But then he has to come back here and they're going to do the taste.
We'll do the taste then. Let's begin. Let's head over to Gannon's Golden Granary. What?
Hey! We're going to Gannon's Grub Granary. Sounds like a disease though. Eli, the tea has been served.