Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's cheap showtime once again, the weekday daytime to you, whatever time of week, daytime, that maybe it could be more time, or it could be eve time. Eve morntime, whatever time of it is you decide to join us and listen to this episode, welcome to you. Hello, I'm Eli Selvman, middaytime. Middaytime is a good one, thanks for catching us.
I would have forgotten. We're recording this on the Strange Circumstances, because as of this evening of this recording, which is Halloween Day itself, we are doing a Twitch stream, but by the time the episode goes out, that'll happen, so we don't need to talk about it too much. But it means that we're recording with the Zoom, with the plug-in mic, not doing it with our usual setup, and we're in the studio, but it sounds different, it's going to be different. So deal with it.
How does it sound? Does it sound boomy? No, it's kind of, I mean, when I edit it, I'll add a bit of compression over it, but it sounds a little bit thin. But that's just because of the mic.
I'm using this weird ballbus tip, and the microphone attachment as well. It's me ballbus tip out, darling. I'll be round your lips. Get my ballbus tip out, baby.
Rub it on your tits. Get my ballbus tip out, darling. Isn't it a treat? Get my ballbus penis out, I'll rub it in between the toes of your feet.
And then spong. And then spong, spong, spong, spong, spong, spong, spong, spong. Start trying to get me to caff along with that swing beat. Spong, spong, spong, spong, spong.
I will not take highness. THEY CONFER There you go. And that's our gold open. Welcome to Chief Show.
Hello. I hate you and your fucking moodle posse. People love moodles. Is it a factory show you're going to have to learn the fucking expect?
Chief show. Chief show. It's a place of heat like silver. It's a chief show.
And a girl with her nose all. Oh, yeah. Oh. Yeah.
No, I'm glad you're keen. Get in it. Paul, I have something to say. Yeah.
I have something to say to you as well. No, it's not something to you. I'm sorry, I said that now. You've got something to say to me.
I do have something to say to you. Who's this about? It's about me or the listener. I'm talking to the listeners.
Hello listeners. A lot of you have been clamoring for an update on the C-Monkeys. Yes. Is that what you're going to say?
Yes. I would like to go ask you, because you said you're going to take a film, because remember 24 hours after you've put the other things in? Did you do it? Why didn't you do it?
And did you film it and why didn't you film it? I didn't film it. I did do it. OK.
And how are they going? OK. Can I just... They're dead.
You flushed them. Can I just say, I have not flushed them. You flushed them. Let me say, now, you go up and I don't know about you, Paul, but I used to read Marvel Comics and they had the original C-Monkey adverts back in the day when I was reading them.
Yeah. Spider-Man used to get all four Spider-Man titles. Web of Peter Parker the Spectacular. What made them different?
That's what they told me. Different storylines. Different baddies. Well, why couldn't they all have been told in the one comic name?
Well, you asked that. This was part of the 80s bloat. Oh. Huge boom.
Yeah, it's ridiculous having four separate comic novels. One of these titles. One of these titles. You got Peter Parker the Spectacular.
Yeah. And then Amazing. And then Web of. But then there was also like classic Marvel Tales, which was reprinting the 60s.
OK. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And you used to get the C-Monkey adverts and I used to think, wow, C-Monkeys. What a great thing.
Well, I can't wait to get some of them. I thought, wow, that's amazing. What are they? What are they?
Well, to the eye and the advert, they're weird kind of squidian, kind of king-like creatures. Squidian. What's a squidian? What's a squidian?
A squid-type creature. Squidian. It tastes squidian. Is that from Blake's ever?
No. You made that up. Yeah. Just now.
It's good. Thank you. Good. I like it.
For sure, thanks a lot of words on a regular basis. I'm glad that one passed muster. So what is a squidian is, let's just get this straight. Maybe a HP Lovecraft creature could be described as squidian.
I thought more as squidian was more an anthropomorphised, half man, half squid sort of creature. I mean, I'm not discounting that. I can make that valid. I want that validated.
It's squidian. Right. It's not this one. It's absolute.
Is it squidian? It is squidian. Right. Now, Paul.
So this goes like the C-Monkeys gone. And then you get older, you watched internet videos about nostalgic things and people say that they were rip off and they were disappointing. Right. Obviously.
People complaining that it wasn't as good. Let me tell you now. Yeah. I was not prepared for the level of disappointment.
I felt with my own. It's experienced with the C-Monkeys. Still to this stage, I don't know if I've been looking daily at some flex of crap floating around or whether they're C-Monkeys. I don't know.
I don't fucking know. I've followed all the instructions. I've given them half a feeding thing. I didn't wait the whole day.
I look at them daily. I give it because there was an extra instruction on a little printed printout, which said you need to aerate them. So give it a shake every day. I've been doing that.
I've been doing that. I'm with the little squeezy thing. Sometimes no. It says, hold the base and jostle.
Yeah. Well, I think you've been in the wrong instrument. I have not. I have not.
I think you may have. No. Just to be clear, Paul, I have been masturbating my room. I've always done it.
Yeah. OK. So that's how I always do it. Oh, baby, sweet child.
I've been, you know, petting the squidian. You've played with your squidian ball this time. But honestly, I mean, sometimes I feel like I might have seen one. Hello.
I am squidian ball. Oh, are you a space commander? No. OK.
Good. I'm coming over there. Bye-bye. Right.
They keep following us. Even when we're doing it here. That's the one off. Yeah.
They keep following out the shoes. Every now and then, I was just there. Yeah, shoot. Yeah.
They can't come on up. Yeah. So you're not having a... I can't even...
I can't even... I can't even... Just like probably what you do. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
I am a cosmic goop. I come from down your way and I can play... I play in the piano, bop-bop-bop-bop-p-p-p-p-p-n-o. Spigotts.
Spigotts. Spigotts. Spigotts. Well, I'm actually, from our group, we have nothing fun.
I mean, there are songs everybody. Honestly Paul, these Sea Monkeys fuck that. It's terrible. I don't even know.
I've been just looking at lots of tiny little floaters, basically. Well, what? How many gags can I make out of that today? I have been pooing into the sea monkey tank.
Maybe you need to. Oh! Right. You ready for a dream?
I think this will amuse our listenership. Listen, I just want to do a little- definitely, yes. But let me just say something first to the audience. I'm going- we're setting up for the Twitch stream, we're getting everything ready, and I'm putting the cameras up, and I'm looking to my bag, we have to do the cheap show at the same time.
Oh, I forgot everything for cheap show this week. So this week, you're going to have to give us a gimme. You're going to have to let us off the hook. This is just going to be an out-worth of me and him talking.
Well, that's what it usually is. Yeah. I mean, really. So, I'm going to exploit that and break up whatever content we can out of this arrangement.
So what I'm going to do is make this the opening that we've done. Congratulations, us. Break sound effect, tingling a lingle. Oh, Eyla, you had a dream.
Oh, that's an ex-saplet, yeah. Click off next segment. Storage news. I don't know if that's bloody content, eh?
Yeah, but I was meant to say that for the Twitch stream, and now I can't use it for the Twitch stream. What are we going to do in the Twitch stream? We're going to do the cocktails, aren't we? Or if you listen to this, we did the cocktails, didn't we?
Hopefully. And we did the ghost game. You were reasonably impressed by it. I liked it.
I liked the noises. Ha ha ha ha. Ooh. Any others?
Yeah. Does it go there? Yeah, I think it does go there. Does it go there?
No, there's none of that. No, there's none of that. Bulbas tip. Oh, don't.
I was trying to make it work. Not very squidious. Not squidious. Not squidious.
Fuck's sake. And now it's time for a new segment of Cheapshow. Elyse Dreams. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, Elyse Dreams, ting, ting, ting, back man covered.
Now, putting something surreal there. Dreaming. It's my butt butt butt butt. Is it?
Yeah. I think it might be my butt. No, it was me who gets the back of the leatherette. Oh, leatherette.
So you go, do the thing again. Sorry, sorry. I ruined that. But we'll speak it once or here we go.
Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, Elyse Dreams, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. Vamboromartendale. Closet. Elyse Dreams, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting.
Hellafone, bluesy bike. I thought there'd be more to it than just you saying random words. Hellafone, bluesy bike. All right, hello.
Everyone, welcome to Elyse Dreams. I know, bud. I had a moment. I'm having a joy to be for.
Joy's to V. Joy CVV. Hello, I'm Joy CVV. Oh, get in the chute.
Oh, I just fell out of the chute. Get out of the chute with the muck. Again, just to reiterate that, we have no content this week on Cheapshow. So this is a complete Hail Mary episode.
We are just trying to delay the inevitable arrival of the story, which will be hugely disappointing to all of us. I'm mentally disappointing, because Elyse is creatively stunted. I'm not creatively stunted. Could you come up with a word like Heliophone?
Let me have a go. Squidian Heliophone. I think Squidian is already a tick on my book. I bet it turns out that that's some kind of established sci-fi character for the Azimuth character.
And I'll have a look then. I'll teach you you bastard. Squid, I. No, E-O-N.
Squidian. Oh, ready. I don't like going too scary. They have a squidian on their hybrid animals.
Squidians seem to roll off the tongue better. Anyway, it looks nice and frightening. No one is safe in a land, sea or a... What's your picture of?
I don't know. It's a half squid half. I'm going to look at what squidian is according to. Wow, there's an actual picture of a squidian.
It's a squid with wings. It's a squid with wings. Like a pigeon. It's not called squidian.
It's a squidian. Nice catch. We're still good. Look at those.
Have the baby cages. They just have a New York. No. They hang out over the street like a cage out of the window.
Right. For what purpose? To put your baby in. Like a crib that hangs in the air over the street like a cage.
Here we go. He's called back to his phone and everyone. Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding.
Or balls on his phone. The baby cage. Go to images. Oh, no.
There's a crib. Oh, God. See? Wait, what's all that about?
Yeah, that's the photo, yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
So, hit the baby. Imagine that without the cage and the bed was above, okay. All right. trying out the side of someone's house on an upper story building and the baby looks quite rightly perturbed as fuck well it increases the full space so that the crib doesn't take I got like that even what if you dead you know your baby oh fucking drop your babies again oh it's raining babies hello yeah it's raining it's quite a tragic sight now we've gone dead baby that's not was not my attention we went full dead baby now that's a good name for a kind of banding full dead baby full dead baby so there's a bath and it's a shallow imagine it's not too deep it's not like a big full-size bath basically only it's like a seat filled with water maul right but it's made of an animal and it's half hanging out and it's half hanging out with us sitting in there yeah which end are you in or the in the in-bit or the hangout of the side imagine this like yeah and it's outside so i'm sort of hanging over yeah you're in full Italian job finale mode which is full of fully several stories down yeah some ladies come along yeah ladies wait i'm starting to get off they're sort of shuffling along they've got their own baths along the way there's a lot of baths hanging out there's a whole row of them and there's a lady in the next bath then she's sort of getting friendly yeah is there a gap between the baths no she sort of just perks on the side of mine sort of a row with dangling baths yes right got it another great name for a band and then she's sort of getting we're getting off and i'm sort of reaching around yeah okay and uh it's nice you know and then i think oh i've got to go and then i sort of pull myself up at the bath and i feel like i'm realising i'm shouting the bar just a little bit but enough to be noticeable and i'm like oh hope she doesn't notice that yeah that's the end of the dream but sure the dream will appear over into your bathtub i go oh it was all there for everyone to see i wonder what that means little floating nug nugs if you have an idea of what this dream could mean why not get in touch with us the cheap show at gmail.com we'd love to hear your thoughts and theories over what psychologically that means for Eli i think it's quite clear i'm a very just a little boy you find you find kissing women a risk and when you do kiss a woman you shoot your pants like that i'm scared both scared and anxiety around sex the actual getting off is a nice bit of the dream well i see defecation as a kind of a like psychological like an apology almost like that little poo was a kind of a little bit of your grief a little bit of your shame left behind i don't know what it was it was embarrassing maybe the poo stands for you liberating yourself from that regret and so you've had a good kiss and as a result you've rejected a little bit of negativity in the ball back up left it in the baby stage style barf chef yeah do do ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting e-lives dream ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting shitty barf shells thank you everyone thank you thank you see i thought when you said baby cage i thought you're going to be like a little tiny baby that was like come on at Nicolas Cage oh god little baby Nicolas Cage oh is that your Nicolas Cage what about a baby cage with a baby cage inside yeah a little baby cake Nicolas Cage i can't get a piece in there i can't do it at the piece the piece yes a tiny baby cage on a baby cage surrounded by bees and a little baby say I kind of imagine this is like Elvis Elvis Elvis thing to him Elvis Elvis Elvis ish thing to him Elvis ish Soshage Elvis ish.
Oh very much. Yeah, no true. The Rocky man The rock he kills Tony Tark. You love I like the rock.
I like the rock I'm not using Michael B. He's like a rock action films used to be fun. Didn't they be eating? Which I should love it was how to win.
I should plug Ben Smith nature york So no one this is actually the closest we get to like a showbiz kind of thing And it actually quite though like so did Ben make Clankham and write the director and co-writer of my film Clankham and his film No, I don't well our film I would have said not mine I'm not involved. I said the director and co-writer of yes, my film as if to say that it's your film that you commissioned him to make Oh the turdoness is really just risen. I'm just saying I wrote this over then. It was our film our collective film It came from my name was Clankerman our film.
Okay. Yes. Happy Earth He has made a feature film and it's available to stream now on Disney Plus matriarch It's impressive isn't it a proper big film and he didn't cast he like I wonder why the leads are both females You could have played one of them. He gave that to Simon as well.
Yeah exactly is better actor friend Oh, please don't cut that out I want to show you something because I didn't you see the film by the way you like it in you very good I mean I read the script before he even made it and everything and gave him feedback and remember to look at matriarch 2022 Because there is also a film from the 2018 called matriarch I don't yeah, I don't want to get into it that wasn't the first choice for the type No, of course not but people have been a lot of people hate it, but a lot of people have been saying Oh my god, what did I just see and shit like that? So it's not boring. It's not boring for people So that's a really good sign of slow burner and it's kind of folkory, right? It's folk horror meets body horror It's very much a sort of into a mixture of those two you can say to you and I'll tell you mentally related to the Hollywood system But I did not of course because I've streamed it on Disney I didn't watch all the credits because it just fix it right off Oh, yeah straight away and I didn't realize that he put a little tribute to me because I made the first film up that he made Yeah a cannibal noir thing.
Yeah, which I started yes Man before yeah, it's called and he put a thanks to me at the end of the credits and also put some photos from the making of So you left a little kind of Easter egg for you in the credits. Obviously I didn't see but he's Let us all know it's nice isn't it? I'll show you this Future's on big time kind of it picture was at the end of the credits. Oh, wow there's you there's me and that's been there Wow, and that's when they're making the film my faces taped up because I'm accountable and I'm trying to yeah Yeah, stop myself meeting human flesh like there's a scene where I take my face show.
How old are you then like 20s? Yeah, it's about 2026 Turn the picture put up on the website people to say well there you go. There's a Hughie's Hollywood segment Look time is fleeting, we gotta crack on battery is car and down this is kind of thrilling thrilling when you think about it We're on the edge. Just like it could cut down disaster movie We only got the battery power left to make the podcast we gotta do this and we gotta do Another thing.
It was made by the Korean film I saw the other day. You've seen a lot of bloody films with you. How do you fucking podcast all about that? They're like talking about fucking movies, making movies, Marvel movies, history of movies, movies, debating angry movies, drunk critic movies.
This is an oasis of art. I take what you're saying, I take it on. Yeah, I take it on. Paul, what should we do then?
What should we talk about? It's a simple question. What can we talk about? I'm feeling.
I know. I'm just going to read this out as it's been said to me. So hang on, bear with, bear with everybody, bear with. Right, I'm just going to email sent to our website on the website, the Chief Shot Co-UK.
Oh no, this is Patreon. I beg your pardon. The Chief Shot Co-UK is your one-stop shot. Your one-stop shot.
I'm just going to do one-stop shot. Your one-stop shot. Everything, Chief Shot. Your one-stop shot, Double Nog Shop.
No, no, no. Again, we've got nothing this week. I forgot to bring stuff. This is us, just do what we've got.
It's a bit like, I forgot left. No, no, no. I forgot left. That's a bit like, I forgot left.
I'm listening, we are as bad as we go left. I'm letting this happen, because we got nothing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. How much better we got left?
All right, David Bellamy's, come on, come on, down. Hey, here we go. Someone said to the patrons, Scott Burnes, a patron said this and I love this. Eli is wrong, first sentence, already I love this.
Oh, fuck. The word is jalapeño. The letter N with the little thing on the top is not the letter N. Habanero has an N, not an N with the thing on top.
So Habanero, they all spell how they sound. So it's jalapeño and Habanero. Yes, that was my confusion, I'm sorry. I'm just prepared to be wrong, okay?
I just wanted to say. I apologize to you, okay, Paul, for being, you break me a lot. And sometimes I think to myself, fuck you, you tell me I'm wrong about it. I just got, I, sorry, I, what I was overcompensating because I used to get attacked for saying Habanero so much.
And somehow got into my mind that it was the same for jalapeño, okay? Yeah. So jalapeño, jalapeño, jalapeño, you squidion. Right, we're doing.
I thought we'd have a bit of fun and just do some story cubes, right? Because they are so much fine, aren't they? What do you wanna do then? What do you wanna do, eh?
Talk about films. I don't want to talk about films. I have no other camera. Go on then.
Someone asked for some reggaeton. I said, no, but I said, get this, this is different. Go on. I went, no, but hang on.
I'll see what I can do for you, I said. And then I put something slightly later on. Yeah, were they happy? Yes.
They look at you and they're dancing and go, they're grind at me. And then I got so drunk that I missed my stuff with the bass and I had to vomit on the street and walk 20 minutes in the middle of the night. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Eli's a mess, ding ding ding ding ding.
Shut up. It's all right mate. I'm gonna have a job at the BBC. Oh, are you because of an interesting balance of ups and downs and all we can do is hang on tight to the ones we love and Eli, I love you.
OK, I love you too. Again, we have got nothing planned this week. Oh, look at that skeleton's deform, growing all area. Yeah, what is that?
It's like it's it's a bit of a... I've got a bit of a kind of... Why has he got long plates coming up? His lungs are outside his ribs.
No, he's back to front. Oh, that's his cockers in it. Yeah, enough of the shoulder blades. Oh, yeah, of course.
We just failed by OJI 101. Doctor, Doctor, this man's got his lungs outside and he's body and they made a bone. No, just face down. Don't you, Doctor, don't you?
It's just a fake round. Yeah, tell you, congratulations. You're now head of medicine in the cabinet. Then you're now the health secretary.
Head of medicine in the cabinet. Yeah, I know. It's like a five-year-old kid with a fucking parliament. Yeah, he is.
I think I have an in-the-part-able. Where I grew up, I want to be king of government. And I want to tell everyone what to do. Especially the mean boy Billy from Class C3.
He shows me his way. Can you show me it anyway? LAUGHTER And then you go, you don't justify him, right? You're not wanting to brought it up.
You brought it up. You brought it up. You... I did bring it up.
You did bring it up. I got my way. You said that, didn't you? I said, I thought about the big bully.
And then I got my way. You got to pick it up. Yeah, but it's on you. It's on you.
Can we do a story cube? Yeah, so we have these story cubes. We've done these before on the show. They've been quite fun.
They always remind me, because these came out of sex cubes, didn't they? Which you always used to see in terrible shops. Yeah, but they... Like this.
Oh, I've rolled up the body part one. Bummel. I've got Bummel. I've rolled up to it.
Fucking tongue punching. LAUGHTER Tung punching my bum-eye. It must have missed. I must have missed those guys.
The most I get is... No, you know what I mean. Stroke the hair. Yeah, you know what I mean, though.
Kiss the chin. No, but they're all like, so terrible. Tung punching the bum-hole. Fuck me.
LAUGHTER I thought they were sonic arabos. LAUGHTER Sorry, I'm sorry I had to go there. Oh, I'm glad. We've got battery lads.
We've got battery lads. Two story cubes. What's the format, though? We're not just going to roll a story cube.
Usually they're themed, right? So this one is themed to mysteries. All these cubes are spooky, scary, mystery... They're horror games.
Yeah, horror thriller, mystery, weird themed. If they are cubes, why are they not called dice? Oh... Story Dice.
Maybe Story Cube was just better focus group tested. Yeah, or perhaps there was already a story dice that was patented. Yeah, dice tails. You get nine in this, or you get a box of five, but they're nine in here.
It's quite nice presentation. I like the... I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.
Altonoids. Altonoids. Those chalk... Altoids.
Those chalky sweets that you get in cars. We used to get in 80's midi-cab driver's cars. Oh, there's two different games you can use. So what we're going to do is...
There's two games. Did you know that? Yes. What's a conspiracy theory?
What's that? I can't read it to you. Conspiracy theory. This is a game that comes with instructions in the...
It's a game that's complicated with dice. Taking turns. One player chooses a topic. Right, bum holes.
It could be anything full-time. Yeah, good bum holes. In turn, the other players roll all nine story cubes. Yeah.
And use as many as possible to construct a conspiracy theory around that topic. Oh. The player awards a point to their favourite conspiracy. Oh, right, then.
You want to do that? Well, that needs a sort of form. That's a form. I was just going to roll the dice and then cut off a story.
That's the other game that I say. Use your imagination, which is just roll the dice. What do you want to do? That's going to roll the dice and call it a conspiracy based on a topic.
Yes. How about you? Ooh, I'm going off. I'm going off.
Ba d Soc Yeah? It goes first, so we have to get it. Let it roll. It goes next.
I have nine things up and I've got to tie these nine things up. Use any of them and tie them as many. I'm going to do it now though. So just to give you a very quick overview of what's on these, there's like a rat and a mysterious blemish, a film canvas there and a black candle.
There's a person going, no, no! Yeah, there's a cassette and there's a no entry sign and a ghost. There's a zombie hand rising from the grave. Yeah, and there's a...
I think that's a little doll like a mannequin, a gavel. No. Yeah, it looks like a gavel. That is a gavel.
And then a man peeking with a bar. Oh, and it's someone tongue punching an arsehole. That's my favourite. I hope that comes up.
Give me the cue. What's that? There's a fingerprint. Yeah.
It needs a bit of crimey. Oh, an evil clown. Yeah. Oh, that's the fucking creature from the black lagoon.
I can't down ground that. I'm going to roll them. I'm going to read them out what they are and then I'll start my story. All right.
All right. Oh, that was good. That was good. Right, that was good.
So I've got a spider. I've got a notepad. I've got a stain. I've got a man saying no, no, no.
A rat. Fingerprint clown. A lighthouse? What do you think it's a lighthouse?
No. A mobile phone, that one. Oh, it's a lighthouse. So I've got a five-beast together into a conspiracy.
All right. Beque the music. Right. It's time for me to talk about the conspiracy.
So let's do a little scene. So you come into the police station or, you know, and I'm a high commissioned officer, right? Yeah. You're like a detective.
You were like, made his appointment to tell me that. I mean, what's going on? Yeah, I'm switching. Sitting there.
What? That's... Hello, sir. Yes, you wanted to see me.
Said it was a matter of some importance. Yes. I've got big news. Very big news.
You've got big news. Terrible news. Actually, you should go to the news, baby. Why have you asked me?
The Hyde Chief King of the Police Commissioner. Yes, that five-year-old is writing a script. I'm not saying that. No, he's like, I'm King of the Police, right?
Yes, I wanted it. I've been chased across the land about people coming up to me, trying to suppress my voice and I've been saying, no, no, no. That's that cube out of the way. Every time you hear it go in the tin, the cube is in the bin.
Hee hee! Right, here we go. Every time you hear it go, a cube is... Yeah, go on.
Is it my wing? Ah! I've spotted him in the wing! Hold on.
So, uh... Tell me I've bulb his tip off. So, tip off. So, I was...
Yes, no one, sir. I'm taking... All you need to know is that in case anything happens to me, I've written all this theory down. I put in this envelope.
You'll find them on my notes, my notes that I've written up for this. You said this had something to do with vegetables, so... Yes. So, I am also a grocer as a hobby.
I'm a King of the Police, right? But I'm also a grocer. So, I am a scientist working in bio-foods where we create genetic hybrid food to, you know, make more food when they were droughts and things. I understand that, sir.
However, one of our scientists went rogue and I found his work and I noticed a strange splodge on our broccoli, like riddle through it like a birthmark. You found his notes and then there was a splodge. This isn't connecting very well. It's all there in the notebook that I just gave you.
I put in the tin. It's all there. Take the splodge in the tin, though. And then put the cube in.
So, I... Shutter. So, I... The tin's raising your splodge.
Come on, so I know this. Shut your back! He's splodging my tin. So, I noticed that I'm rocking that we were developing at strange blotches all over them.
I was unsure that they would just decide the fact that the delivery process of the bio-noids into this squidian DNA code. Extra points for you, so squidians. And they would not be harmless. So, I then realised when I evaluated the splodge, that there was actually black widow venom being used to bolster the broccoli for some reason.
Right, so let me get this right where I am with this so far, sir. Yeah. Because I've recorded this conversation. It's his normal police procedure.
I know. You found me. You're very twitchy. It's funny how you kept your job after all these years.
Oh, he... I've been on the run for a year. Oh, yeah. How you going forward?
Oh, I see. So, there have been a number of deaths based on broccoli around the country. They have, have they. Let me get this straight.
Yeah. You, smile on your colleagues. Colleague. Professor Brom Brom Homestom.
Brom Homestom. Yes. The bad scientist. Brom Brom Homestom.
Brom Homestom. And this Brom Brom Homestom. Yeah. He had some broccoli long about his destiny.
He was in target. Broccoli division. Oh, bio-veged. Right.
And you saw some splotches on them? Broccoli. Which I was assured that would be harmless. And on further investigation of the splotches.
No, that was black widow venom. Because they found that black widow spiders have a certain... Enzyme. Enzyme, thank you.
Yeah. That keeps things fresh. So, he was simply trying to extend the shelf life of the broccoli. Yeah.
So, you wouldn't throw them out. They'd last longer in your fridge. But then surely the venom would cause illness or even death. Well, that's what we were assured wouldn't be happening.
But then I started seeing a pattern of deaths around Sunday lunches where people would die after eating their broccoli. Vegetarians, vegans, dying, eating broccoli. I was tracing it down. I even found a fingerprint on a broccoli.
That's it. That's terrible. And that fingerprint belonged to Brom Brom Homestom. Brom Homestom is there as well.
No, yeah. His fingers all over the hospital. He's working anyway. Why are you looking for his fingerprint?
This just ties it improves it. That I can prove I can trace it back to him. How do you have a copy of his fingerprints? They're on record and you work for a company.
So if you steal anything and we find them outside the lab, we can trace it in your fingerprints. Is this something all of your employees agree to? I didn't give up my fingerprints. And so you had access to the fingerprint file?