When do you ever perform top notch? Sometimes I do, like at the live show, especially during the show. No, you don't, especially on the second-class of a show when you fucking shoot the best. The plasticine king section.
You give up. I did too. I did particularly well during the plasticine... The plasticine king?
The plasticine king? Super flag guy. Gonna take you higher. Plasticine king?
Gonna take you low. Something different. Okay, I'm ready. What have you got a business to do?
Uh... Have you started? Yeah. I don't know whether to believe it.
We can see a little red light. I have something to actually say, Paul. Go on there, Mr. Silverman.
Tell me what you want to say this week. Is it Word of Contrition? Like, all the other words we've been getting wrong recently. What do you mean, Word of Contrition?
Words that are correct, the words you said wrong previously. I didn't say no words wrong last week. Ah, you know what, fuck you. I just don't care.
What do I do wrong? I can't remember. I should have taken a second. Go on to have something to say.
Already you've fucked it up. No, you're actually doing very well. Eli, you wait 22 pounds and all the said you saw what I was doing. I think you got way 22.
Maybe I do. What's 22? I don't know. Go on.
22 pounds, it's time. It's tiny. I think it'd be like a hedgehog. Yeah.
Sorry. What have you got to say? Paul, you did so well last week. And we all want to congratulate you about that.
OK. You know, you've brought to life, you've created, they discovered a foundational element of the show going forward. That little pagan wet boy that we all know and love now. The one that's gone straight to our hearts.
Straight to our hearts. OK. We all know who I've heard of whom I speak. Yes.
Because I want to evoke him and he'll manifest. And he's not ears in your gaff. We're in the Harrow. Harrow.
The Harrow House of Horrors today. The Harrow House of Horrors. I just want to say, so don't you deserve a week off. Right.
So don't try and keep that. Goodbye, everyone. No, no, no, no, no, no. You say it.
But don't you have to be funny. You don't be funny. So I've got to be funny this week. That's fine.
You're doing brilliantly. You fucking right. Well, no, no, no. You'll be fine.
I'm not good at the show. You fucking trumpet. I hate you and you're fucking noodle party. People love noodles.
It's just a factory show you're going to have to learn the fucking sex. Cheeshow. Cheeshow. It's the face of Chey.
Or Ganon. He likes silver. It's a cheap show. And a girl and a nuzzle.
It's the cheap show. It's the cheap show. The cheap show podcast. We're here to make you sing and dance laugh.
It's the cheap show. The cheap show podcast. My name's Paul Ganon in that sea. Like silver.
It's the podcast. Blow it out your eyes. Shut up. That was going really well.
Why not? Stop going off side of the mic. You maverick twat. Now focus.
Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.
Focus. Focus. Focus. Keep showing.
Welcome to the cheap show podcast. It is the economy. It's the economy podcast. It's the economy podcast.
Arties at the I just found a really great Frankenstein's monster in the Revatmime in Camden Town. Excellent, you saw it. You saw it. Yeah, question.
I'm moving on to the okay. Question. I'm just saying, people want to know about stuff we found in Shari shops. Like that.
What's your fucking question? Don't shut down my Frankenstein talk. People want to know he had translucent head and arms. It was made from a Burger King Happy Meal thing.
What were they called? It was made from a Burger Meal. It was made from a Burger Meal. It was a burger meal.
Good mood, burger meal. Good burger meal. Happy Burger Meal. It's got off the rails already.
Slightly cheerful meal. Jolly bikes. What are they called? Burger King Jolly Boxes.
They're not called John. They're called the Burger King Jolly Boxes. That's not true. That's what I call my junk.
The Burger King. Yeah. What do you call it? Oh, darling.
It comes with a free toy. Which is my fucking fingers. The fucking grabby monkey claw. Anyway, what are we doing?
No, no. Question. Don't say question either. I know I do it, but it's really horrible.
Yeah, I know. That's why I do it. Question. Question.
If you want to charity shop and you buy a double album, and the overall, it has a sign of the wall saying, every album £1, every vinyl album £1, including the doubles. And you get one. But it's only got one of the double albums in. Are you prepared to still pay that pound or should I have asked for 50p off or something?
No, you pay a pound because you're paying a pound per disc. That's what they mean. Yeah, but it's the double albums. Well, that's the grey area.
That's my question. Would you pay two for a double if there was a sign saying £1 per LP? An LP can be any number of discs, Paul. Usually gone.
Now, eight, one of them I haven't got. And I bought it because I haven't got it. But it only had one of the two discs in. And it was quick.
And I just for the record, I decided to just pay the quid and not make a deal about it. Yes, because at that level, that cost, it's a quid, isn't it? It's a quid. Yeah, you're right.
It's a quality of your disc. It's fine. I've already done that. It's got to be the other now albums I bought.
You know that one? Or by that place we went to it just to make all records. You know what? By a Harrow-willed bus station.
What are you doing? Oh, mate. Don't try and make a show out of my fucking digestion. Have better digestion that doesn't interrupt the flow of this podcast now.
As if there's any flow. Do you know what's really doing my head in? Is that a lot of changing? I can't stand it.
I put it on the corner. Just put it on something mellow. It doesn't change. Jesus Christ.
Yellow. I feel like I'm in a fucking... Yellow. That's mellow.
I'm in a fucking massive movie. Especially you and your bathing gown. I'm not going to be dressing gown. You're like a relaxed, sort of slightly older Henry Fonda character.
No, and Poo Hephner. Poo Hephner. Yeah, Poo Hephner. Here we go.
Together we nailed it. He's like, Poo Hephner. He does a poo boy magazine. Yeah, poo boy magazine.
You go to his mansion. There's just lots of poo's. Question. Don't stop saying that.
Keep getting that beyond section every time you say it. Oh, yeah. Question. You get an invite to Poo Hephner's party house.
Poo party. Yeah. Would you go? No.
Not Poo Hephner. Poo Hephner. Oh, that's a little staple in the middle of it as well. Yeah, because it would be the centre for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Parker is the thing. Yeah.
And I keep returning to it this week. You can make a skat mark, couldn't you? I bet there is one. I bet there are.
And I'll have a ten. Look, look, look. Anyway, what on the show this week? I was trying to get round to saying that.
We have a Price of the Scheiter. Price of the Scheiter. I said a cheiter. So it's a P.O.
Box application. There's lots to get through, so we'll start on that real soon. Price of the Scheathers. fly to the country urban noodle kitchen and see what noodle Eli has for us that week.
It's a very special edition of the country urban noodle kitchen which everyone has been missing especially me. It's time to bring up the noodles in the groanage. I've got a noodle tingle in my groin and only a noodle can scratch it scratch the tingle. Yeah so we'll be scratching you like tingle later on the show.
Oh this shy set of prices so let's no crisis. It's not you trying to do that. I'm trying to make me laugh. They have no crisis.
You're right I'm sorry I'm not meant to be funny this week. Yeah I'll take your lead of the last 307 episodes and try to make me laugh. Don't worry there's no crisis. You're going for the prices to shy.
No crisis with the prices to shy. I'm ready to play. I'm going to get those betweens. Yes the noodles will be good as well.
Yes all round good. All round classic cheese show. All snurt the noodle down. What a lot of fun we've got ready for you on the show tonight.
If you're wondering there's going to be a crisis don't worry because it's a crisis. Right well that's what Eli's falling in love with this week. Process. Dischise.
You don't need me for this shit do you? Sausage. Dischise. You crack on.
You actually come on to me. I know you're a dog but you can say it. That's a sexy dog. Yeah good.
Yeah good. Just a lot of throw that in there. No I'm looking forward for the noodles. I've got lots of shit to say about noodles and where the noodle market is these days Paul and I want to get betweens from you.
All right well hopefully you'll get between you abused my familiar shot of the last go didn't you? What's that mean? You fucking chatting up my familiar. Oh yeah I've got familiar for this week's episode.
Yeah. Can I handle it? You can't handle my familiar. Why can't I?
You were dating mine. You were dating my doppeldick. Dickle daggle. Dickle daggle.
We broke up. Fine. We had a different opinion. Who surprised the way you were treating him?
Well it's not Michael's. He's a massive racist isn't it? And I hate mum and girl. And when this restaurant had a loving meal and he starts talking about the skin of the guy serving us and I was like I'm sorry mate I'm leaving this.
You're just like your dad and I marched right out of it. A dickle daggle isn't your dad of that dickle daggle? You should be. I'm not the dad of it.
Anyway I've got to do that. I'm not returning to text messages too. I want to man handle whatever thing you've got in here. Alright good.
Take the between. There's my cat. Oh. Yeah good.
Tackle that your bastard. I would not abuse a cat actually. I just want everyone to know that. No.
Only Elon Musk. Oh yeah. Fucking makes you hate him even more doesn't it? Yeah it doesn't add to his list of positives.
Put it that way. It really doesn't. No one goes oh he might have thought Twitter and his Tesla card or shit but at least he fucked the cat. No one's gonna put it like that.
Anyway show him back on with the show. Let's get this crazy bus going to Groovetown. Ding ding. Oh wow.
He's got all this chaff. Chaff chaff chaff chaff. Ding ding ding. That's a fucking rude it.
Right Eli it's a little bit awkward but I need to leave you Eli and go and see Eli in the congee urban noodle test lab kitchen. Go and see and then don't mind me. You don't mind me stepping out for a bit. No fuck off.
Right. Well let's go out there. I'm coming. I'm coming.
Bye. See you later. Oh you want me to take it to him? Just say fuck you Eli.
No don't catch any lie. I tell him to fuck off that one. Fuck off. Fuck off.
Do do do do do. Just walking to the kitchen. The test. No.
Noodle test lab urban kitchen. Just got to pass through the vortex. Here we go. I'm gonna be calming you.
I'm gonna be throwing you. Oh right. I'm throwing out. This is good.
Oh here I am. Just outside the door to the legendary noodle test lab urban kitchen with a professor Eli J Silverman. Hello to the appointment for our country noodle urban kitchen test lab section. I don't know how to do stupid math noises.
I was passing through a fucking vortex. Bullshit. Vortex. Hello there.
Hello Paul. Hello Mr Silverman. Hello Eli. Hello Eli.
Welcome back to the country urban noodle test lab kitchen. And have I got a test lab kitchen episode for you today? I hope so. The answer is yes.
And let me introduce a new sub segment of the country urban noodle test lab kitchen, Paul. Yeah. It's a little sub section. A little sub segment.
I like to call pot blitz. I have. You ready? Pot blitz.
Do you need to tell me what a pot blitz is before you just tell- What do you see before you? I see six potted noodle food snacks. These are noodle pots. Pot noodle, biggest brand in Britain of course, but invented in 1970 I believe the cup noodle, the original pot noodle.
Now it's an expanding market in this country Paul. Even pot noodle, we've got a new one which we'll be testing during our pot blitz today. It's one of their fusion range. Fusion?
What does that mean? It's just a bunch of new recipes they've started basically I think and they're more like, they've got again a sort of Urzatz oriental dragon. So I think they're trying to be more sort of the- I compete more yeah. Rather than Bombay bad boy, which is obviously India.
And it's also muk. Have you had a Bombay bad boy? Muk for scum. Not a good one.
Anyhow, so we've got that. I think I said this before but outside of chicken and mushroom I'd say they have a hard time with pot noodles and garlic. Sometimes I'm in the mood and I've got a lot of hot sauce with me. I can go for a beef and tomato.
But that'd be my second choice. But other than that, I'm like fuck this. And we tasted there, they went without the pot. Do you remember recently?
Yeah, potless. And we fucking hated it. And then I saw on an ad, oh we've improved it literally. Begging.
That's cheap shows on that. I know they'll deny it. They won't say it to the press and they won't say it in public but behind closed doors we know all names have been mentioned in reverence of fear. They fucking listen to the urban noodle test lab kitchen.
They listen for the fucking, the noises coming out the test lab kitchen. I kind of know this is the top lip. So not only are we going to taste one of the new pot noodle fusions. We've got the jujikum flavor here.
But I bought this. Numb Numb instant noodle curry flavor. This was in Morrison's and it's dirt cheap. Under a quid.
It looks very basic. It looks very basic. Let's see. This brand, naked.
Have you heard of that? I know I've naked. I think I've seen them. I think I've had one of those once and I don't remember loving it too much.
But I would like to taste these for a long time. So I've got a naked sweet chili Thai style egg noodle. You don't usually get an egg noodle pot. And then we've got this.
You think they're trying to compete with what's up? A high street noodle restaurant. Uzo, Uzi. Uzo, Uno.
Wagamama? No, the one that's on. Udon. Udon is a style of noodle.
So what's that place that was over the road from Soho Radio? That does Chinese meals or Asian meals and you can get takeaways. And they have a brand of their own takeaway food down in supermarkets. Walk to walk.
Walk to walk. Walk to walk. Leon. What are you talking about?
Forget this now. You don't know shit. Go cool. Go cool.
Go cool. It's U. It's U. It's U.
I've got one here, mate. Just leave it to me. Who's the noodle fucking expert? You totally distracted us with your...
No! Fuck this. I'm getting over. No, come back.
Come back with the pot. Come back with the pot. Come on. My mouth hurts.
His mouth hurts because he had his tooth fixed, ladies and gentlemen. Updates. I'm no longer whistly silverman, but I am lippy silverman. What's that?
No longer Eli clits chipper silverman. Now we're going to try that naked. We're going to try the really cheap num-num. We're going to try the naked noodle.
This is a wrap snack. Oh, yes, we'll send that in a P. We had two of these and I believe they are... I've never heard of it.
Whole range of snacks being named after one genre and having it. Have you ever seen anything like that? Like noodle disco. Yeah, imagine it was like legends of the blues, the snacks.
Do you know what I mean? So, BG's, PG's, tips. Like, BG's, there's only four of them or whatever. They were five.
They were all dead anyway. Are they all dead now? I think they're close to being all dead. Fingers crossed.
They're just crossed. So you're the fucking tosser. So here's the thing. It's just a little bullshit whatever noodle boy.
It's not sponsored by a rapper. They do crisps as well. And each product has a different rapper on it. And I think they go for soul food or sort of African American cuisine flavours.
This is a creamy chicken gumbo, which is what I produce. Quick question. It says here. There's no limit to success, do you agree?
Yeah. I'd say there weren't limits. It's a rapper on the feature. It says, hopefully Master P.
And what does Master P do? I think he was a New York guy. Don't quote me. Anybody...
What recording means? I'm quoting you by recording it. I'm just saying, I'm not 100% sure. I think Master P was a New York guy.
1990s, but he's obviously a big name. It's a terrible brand of high street noodle and goi-o's merchants, who because they're next to solo radio, and I've been totally hung over there's nothing nearby and I have to hurry. I've been eating recently. It's sushi's okay.
But their noodles are very disappointing. And they have a line and we've been looking to taste their pot noodles as well. This is our more expensive end of things. One, one, 130.
It's a beautiful rice noodle, chili miso. It's a vegetarian. And then, as a sort of comparison to all of these cheap ones, we've got possibly one of the fanciest pot noodles I've ever bought in my life. This is a collaborative noodle.
Collaboration between Nissan, who are the best ones, who originated with a company, and Shoyru, which is a chain of ramen restaurants. They've collaborated. It's a co-lab noodle product. And this was £2.50.
So the artistry... This is the ramen masters. The ramen masters. Two masters.
Great masters. The masters are Nissan and Shoyru. So what they're doing is they're bringing the restaurant prestige to the success of the Nissan way the living noodles in an instant. On the go, noodle experience when you just want...
I'll read the blurb here for you, but... It says Nissan, inventor of cut noodles. Teams up with Shorayu, a leading Japanese ramen restaurant chain in the UK. This is the UK special product.
A signature recipe created by two masters. There you go. Shall we prepare these fucking parts with a pot blitz, Paul? I mean, I presume they're all prepared the same way.
What, Paul Water in, close the lid, settle for a few minutes, eat. No, because some of them may have... It's actually within, which you need to remove and either add before you add the hot water or leave to the side and add after you've done it. And also the different timings.
This noodle ramen masters is four minutes. Let's have a little look. What does ramen masters say? Take it off, pour it on, four minutes, you're done.
So they're filling. They'll have a fill line. Not simple. Never simple.
Then we've got the itsu, rice noodles. What do they say? Five minutes. Fuck them.
There's such cancer. Why is the paper all... Why has they got a thing here? Did you take that off?
That's sort of to recycle. There's shit. It's all over... It's over done, isn't it?
Five minutes, give it to Sturr. So that's even longer. Master P. Let's do it by ranking.
That's five minutes. Four minutes. That way when you pour them out, you know which is hard. Okay.
Okay. Good. So you're thinking... Oh, there's a little thing about who Master P is here.
Born and raised in New Orleans. Of course. Because that's Gumbo's. Yeah.
So they've tied it to his... They've tied it to the area of the States. Yeah. Growing up in poverty, his name is Percy Miller.
In poverty, he understood the value of hard work, sacrifice and education. Master P says, the key to success is knowledge. Investing in yourself and never giving up. Fine.
I'll pour it back. Yeah, it's fine. They don't care. Whatever.
Yeah. It's dead. It's a deadly gun, but I don't know if he's dead. I was wondering if all these things are the dead or alive or whatever.
No, they're some that are dead and they're some that are alive, I think. It's just rap. It's big names in rap. Now, what does it say?
How do you make this? Where does it say how you make it? Here we go. Cooking.
Fold it halfway. Add room temperature water to inside. Line. Yeah.
Microwave. Oh, boiling water. They've got a microwave one. Basically, you add it.
It's fine. That's three minutes. Yeah. And you know what it says?
This is sold in the States and it had to be like, it says don't boil water in there. Because in America a lot will don't own catals, which is why they're saying room temperature water they're in the microwave because no one owns catals in America. Good point. Very good point.
But it does say don't try and boil the water in there. Yeah. You wouldn't go out on top of the stove, unless you were a fucking boy. I got this little, little noodle bag.
I've got a pouring in and pouring it and pouring it up. Oh, but you're both. Why is my house a burn? Why is my house a burn?
What's that? Remember there was that trick you could show your friends from that book where you put water in a paper cap. So there we go. Then what we got.
Are you saying we should attempt to boil this in a cup? OK, here we go. Preparation four minutes. We've got one's that for the naked.
Naked. So four minutes on naked. Oh, it's got a similar tear away section on the outside. Packing.
Tear away, tear away, tear away. Then we got the fusion. One, remove sashay. Two minutes.
Give it a stir. Yeah. I mentioned the sashay so far, isn't it? Let's get the sashay out.
That's the little gimmick for pot noodles, isn't it? Hot sauce. There's always a garnish sauce. Which I like.
It's nice in the, you know, for what it is. Right, let's get these all open. And which one's this one? The num num num.
Did you do the num num? I didn't, but it's just fucking pull the shits on. Three minutes. Same.
Recother water. So three minutes. Three minutes. Four, was that one?
Two minutes, then, stir them one minute. So, right, so there. So it's in this order then. So it's two.
Master Ramen. Right. What's up with the cooking side? Well, you've got some nice looking, actually, rice noodles in the Izzu one.
I don't like rice noodle. Look at the thickness of that broth powder in the Niss and the two masters. Already, you can just see the quality. That's nice.
Really nice smell. Oh, that's got a really nice... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rich, your mommy smell.
OK, there was a sashay in the Izzu. But that's what me said that you added. I said, I'm not opening any of these lids full way. No, no, you've got to call them all in it.
Oh, no. Oh, no. No, he's back, quality! It's the...
He come away in my hands. It's come away in his hand, the little tea. It's fucking nice. I bet it doesn't...
It doesn't want us to reseal. Well... No, you can't. Look at that.
Look at that. That is. What are you meant to do with that? That looks like someone's smacked up a brick of shredded tea.
Where's the fucking flavour? It doesn't look like shredded wheat but smacked up above a box. What the fuck is on? What is this even about?
Where's the fucking flavour, menopee? Menopee sweet chili? Where's the sweet chili? No sashay.
There's no sashay in there. What are you meant to do with that? I don't even know. Master bee?
Don't look. It's just... Yeah. It's got a bit of a stale smell.
It smells like a library book. It's not good. Well, it is old because someone gave it to us about two years ago. Do you not eat that?
Well, I'm worth tasting it because I do things. I make sacrifices. I'm wearing a big eight-way over to school, because I was desperate for attention. Yeah, I was.
I used to say the word adidas wrong. For the exact same reason. Oh! No.
Numb nums. All these really cheap ones have like a terrible plastic disposable fork. And it does. Now we've got two sashay in the numb nums, which is the cheapest.
We've got the dehydrated veg. Of course you have to put them in. Now, we've got to get this in. Right, that's one thing a quick picture.
Right. Look, before you pull it out, it could be a picture. But right now, we're going to leave you to just listen to the sound of a kettleboy. And when we come back, we'll be testing all six of these monstrosities.
And this is noodles. Monstrosities. It's a pot blitz here on the Noodle Test Lab kitchen floor. I'm looking forward to it.
Which one do you think is going to be the nicest? Two masters. Two masters. Well, I'm going to say the dark horse might be numb numb.
Nom-nom, it looks perfectly good. Yes. And we pulled out the water and we had a little pot noodle blitz. And we were pulled up the kettle and all.
It's made of metal. We're having a potty blitz. Pot, pot blitz. Pot, pot noodle blitz.
See you after the sound effect. The sound effect. Noodle pop lids. Don't look so sad when you say that.
It's so depressing. Well, my lip is, nah, it's hurting. Right, kettle's boiling. Here we go.
See the bit. Let's get this on. Right, we have the hot water on all of our pots. They've been distributed.
And the pot's are back here in the tasting. Don't have to go to the microphone to the microphone. OK. The audio format you lie.
You shouldn't know this by now. I don't want to look at you. So please regard the mic. Don't fucking look at me whilst we do this then.