At my age I'm pretty cute, huh? You're a provider for something why is it so slow your movement? I don't know cuz I'm old maybe I don't know I fucking been hiking and shit. I'm still not losing any way they can't understand Who the fuck was balding in this thing?
Who is there? Ricking room. That's a little Ricky on girl terror. Fantastic.
Oh, all right Okay, you're an avid hiker now bill or you've always been no I just spent I just get sick of going to the gym So then I'll do this for a while or whatever. I saw somebody said something you have to confuse your body or something Fusion yes, that's what I heard that's how you get the abs like if you do cardio every day is not necessarily good You mix it up right some days you do the upper body your upper body right sometimes you go down to downtown LA just run for your life Right, right? Go on get row it's the best yeah, it's the best gym When they the crack You're dodging the nails in the street Good core work. We should start our own fucking gym in the skid row.
It's good row. Yeah, not a building But we just everything's outdoors. Okay running club and then the homeless are the employees at the gym They're like your personal trainers by chasing down the street And they have money Wow then you get them off the street and then eventually they're just down there dressing the part can I have a Sweat shop. Yeah, I every corporation has one I want to make shoes with these people you should have a sweatshop with white people do flip the script I should be the Asian cathelic gifford you should make iPhones for people in China and have white people make them here for no fucking money Oh, that's so good or you know how sometimes the call centers are now in India and stuff like that.
Yeah, we do it here I do that I would answer those phones you what oh just to be pleasant to people Make one or two people's day. Yeah, isn't that what Chinese do they if they're really rich or the affluent Chinese from China They'll hire a white butler or white. Yeah Can't get mad at that. That's like when Harbaugh ran up the score against USC back in the day That was a great game.
He carol was like what's your problem? He's like you've been fucking doing this for years. Yeah, is that football? Yeah, it is for yeah, I remember that was a good one I don't know nothing anyway, let's start the fucking thing.
Let's introduce it five that wasn't part of the part We were gonna keep it in right, but Bill bro. Listen, dude. Oh bro, dude. No, I'm gonna bro.
Do you do it? I'll tell you why am I bowing to you? No, no, I don't talk to me and bro white feet. Listen, bro, dude What are you fucking doing here?
I'm not afraid bro. I'm gonna keep doing it. Here's the deal dude. All right I know your pop a bear.
I know what your move is you keep moving your feet. That's the distraction So I don't pay attention what you're saying. Oh, I said you have nine different positions since you started this sentence Yeah, because I've been training training with Trevor Whitman. Oh, yeah, my footwork.
Oh, Trevor Whitman. Oh my god No, I'm sure he is but I'm showing him the same level respect you showed sports What has nothing to do with Trevor has to do with you. All right, all right, well, you know what the guy who's a daily show? No, no Trevor Whitman is Colorado Colorado.
He trains Rose Namah, you and us tomorrow is tomorrow is not my unis do you love her? I love her tail, which I love all the USC female fighters. That's why my daughter know how to know all of that's that be cool Huh, she meets a creep like you she could show. Yeah Bro, I'm gonna say something right you walked up this fucking drive pointing at me.
I I Came over here doing Russia I know you wind your guests up defensive you came up the fucking driveway defensive I didn't I came up open you asked me what was going on I told you what was going on I said we're gonna talk about the podcast and there you go I'm not bringing up I'm just saying whenever somebody's in that register. They're not telling the truth That was pretty high Yeah, right too much on the victim. Yeah, you know I just want to say that's really I'm grateful that you're here I found that and I'm not being defensive. I found that your energy was a little um open and yet standoffish Okay, you came up here and now you come into my little house with your gun to blazing invited me Let's not fucking act like I just came back like he's like like some wacky next door neighbor in a sitcom That's true.
That's true. We invited you and I went on time a little early a little early you're always here early Okay, let's let's start on you. Let me introduce you right may I get a 10-minute introduction So we got George in the room welcome you're always here you have to be here you're the guy we got flat flat flat Yeah, what's up dog some man good. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, we got Kalaila It's sleeping with you last night. Yeah deep. We slept deep together.
I know but I did yeah And I felt good to sleep deep next to you. We've got here in the house I said pop up here, but um, you know, he's a bucket full of joy and a bucket a bucket full of light And if you could open up it bill this next guy is a president you open it up remember in Pulp Fiction when they open up the briefcase Glowing light value value. Yeah, put it there by props. Okay, okay What?
Yeah, when I said fuck turn you probably keep my foot. I was sweet It's fucked hard cancelable. We talked about last week. I go fuck turn.
That's okay, right? All right, so my point is that he was he has an animated show called F is for family. What a big clap for that beautiful My show right? So much fun a more compass.
I want a show called a more compass dude you and Vince Vaughn need to be in a movie together Dude, I'm telling you the two of you guys on this on screen together was amazing. Thank you Give Bill Burro round of applause. I'm gonna Do it and then just compliment you. I did it.
I was two minutes. It was two minutes. It was a problem enough. Give him another I was bill for guys You feel relaxed.
Yeah, I'm fine. I don't Think you're just projecting all your uncomfortably. I'm not doing anything. You are actually I know you are Let's calm down.
You're right bill. Thanks for being on the program again, and I really appreciate you send the keys at my options What do you mean either over the top energy? Or he does like PBS over. Yeah, I'm trying to find the right town with you.
I'm having a good time. I'm having a blast Jim gaffigan on my podcast you guys All we did was trash each other. I don't know how it happened We were like comedy and like the last 20 minutes we just trashed each other and it was only supposed to be 45 minutes Long or so and it would be an hour and 45 minutes. We have really I'm enjoying all of this.
I'm enjoying it as well You're seeing positions You know if you would stop analyzing right my bodily, you know, well you keep doing it every eight seconds and you do it very fast It's like distracting your feet are flying around. Yeah, I saw an interview with Charlie on fat ones Yeah, on e back in the day and on a skateboarder I Tater a director was a fucking actor, bro And what to tell you fat was it fucking crouching tiger hidden dog? Oh, they ran in the air on trees dog and on sides of buildings I love Asian cinema. That's not one of them.
You don't like that movie. It was all right But the running in the air was just it was silly like the crowd. I was watching with with laugh. Oh, right?
We should tell him what Michelle told you so Michelle. Yeah, I was in that movie You knew that is I watched sports dude like I know bro. You know who Michelle. Yeah is bro Hey, you know who the fucking cowboys are I didn't yell at you So Michelle yeah was also in that movie so I did a movie Michelle.
Yeah, right and I was in Thailand and I'll listen I get a call going there's a dinner right and I show up at this four seasons dinner wearing a rip shirt One shoe missing. I was like lost I show up. I go. Oh, there's a press code.
Oh fuck we sit at the center table Michelle y'all sitting right in front of me and I don't know what to say so I go Hey, I love Thank you and I go can you teach me how to run on trees inside the buildings? She looks at me. No smile. She goes that was Me Why work look at that skin.
Oh, I know I actually I think I like that movie I forget movies a second But then when I saw that I think I liked that movie. Yeah, I literally can't remember what happened I don't either they're just entries that's happening now with games. I'll watch a game and be like yeah We played who the hell we play last night. Who was it the rocket second?
I can't even your old age. Yeah, yeah I'm that way to like my wallet. Oh, I think you're this week early on said dementia. I truly think I'm about him You remember shit, I really literally think I have it really I think you've put that on yourself to you literally I have a mental I think like ginkgo below bus should be really it's pretty I think Jean Saint John's work is ginkgo global.
Some you supposed to eat yes, there's something so you don't get dementia No, it's they still supposed to like enhance your memory or something like that I don't know. How do you take it? Just every day like a pill. Yeah, yeah, all right.
Whatever. I was just saying it's not like an herb Yeah, I think John's work Mary ginkgo I got a ginkgo-limp of wish out in front of my house my wife's idea. I Just went along with it to keep the piece. Yeah, so you think I have it.
I think that okay Well, then we should address that with our therapist why a therapist over there. Yeah, I need help that you guys go to a therapist We do it's hard together now. Let me ask crush. Oh, let's just say the guy's name was Eric Do you guys ever argue with each other and at one point be like it's like Eric said?
Oh? I won't go that's why that one point. You know, it's why I won't go this if it's Eric I'm like if you saw something or he's like out of line. I'm like I gotta take note take notes for about this What?
I'm gonna tell Eric about this, but you know what she does in therapy whoops don't don't get angry Don't get angry, but you yeah, it doesn't start a fight. Come on guys I always feel like the bad guy almost I didn't do anybody We're good so funny watching a guy try to see Dude guys I have beds in my room and my Multiple room any beds, right? That's what I meant to say you're a mattress game I'm the king of all mattresses, and I only use helix because it's the best kind I really do I'm people spend in my house Oh my god, it's up so well. I go what is it?
I go helix a study that they ran found that 80% of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle with sleeping on a helix mattress I honestly I've had my helix for over five years now. It is still perfect as the first day me too And it's so easy you just take a quiz take a helix quiz online and they match you with a mattress based on your the type of sleeper That you are like for instance me. I am a side sleeper and I run really hot So I got matched with a midnight Yeah, helix is the best mattress on planet earth just get it man Right award-winning he was the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like forbs and wire Free shipping and seamless delivery helix delivers your matches right to your door with free shipping in the US All right, I'm happy with it everyone in this room is happy with it He looks really passionate and what's really cool too is that they give you 120 nights of a trial So if you're like, you know what I don't like it you can give it back a hundred But you're not you're gonna do 10,000 nights after that exactly yeah, exactly but no need to worry don't worry about it Go to helixleep.com slash Tiger belly for 20% offside wide That's helix sleep calm slash Tiger belly for 20% offside wide make sure you enter our show name after check out So they know we sent you helix leave calm slash Tiger belly Draftkins to see what he feels like while not pissing her off Off Makes me feel like the bad guy maybe you said something like you threw a maybe in to soften You couldn't just say it makes me feel like the bad guy. Yeah, it makes me feel like the bad guy Maybe I didn't because it softened it.
Yeah, like therapy is just out of the question for you. No, I mean like couples therapy Yeah, no, I don't know the whole fucking thing because it's like it's hard enough to do it as an individual You have to be ready and open and not type of stuff and then go through all of that crap the odds that two people are gonna be there at the Same time. I mean, but do you do individual therapy? Yeah, I started back up this year good.
It seems like it I feel like you've um You're at peace. I feel like no, I'm having a big fucking drawback You know I had this big fucking growth thing and everything was great and then something happened and then it just brought it all back ten Fulf I know so that's where I'm at. That's what you came up with right to come over to this goddamn But are you happy to be here? I am actually yeah, I'm gonna get out of my head It was in my head today.
Yeah, I had a bad day. I was driving all the way over going I'm really just gonna suck bill fucking straight up. That's you know bigger something happy. Yeah put on some John Denver, right?
What are you supposed to do? Dig yourself out John Denver? Yeah, but John Denver um you guys are similar what whites you and John Denver? I'm not offended by that.
Thank you. I closed my mouth. I cover my mouth. I thought you were gonna be offended But you covered your mouth that was your maybe in that to try to buy it back I do my maybe as well.
So this is my mind. I like that my maybe thank you. So maybe yeah That should be the name of your next special my maybe I never had a special Because you don't feel special. Oh, it could be Oh fuck what he just said real huh really cut into it.
Oh Right, are you doing a monologue? Yeah, um, well, how did you leave me into it? Don't fucking move what I'm doing a model on oh, wow very Christian bail. Yeah, I'm Christian bail, all right You know what I'll hang out with you.
I'm not working with you anymore All right, I'm sitting down back down now. Okay, what was the problem there though? Because you don't feel special Growing up I am glad you said that because growing up my parents didn't speak English and they never talked to me about anything I was abused and I was someone touch my pee pee as a kid and stuff and Yeah, I grew up feeling that I was like a piece of shit and not special And so I think that a lot of people asking me to do a special I think it's fear not fear. I think it's a reflection on how I actually feel about myself Cut that was perfect.
I listen on this next take Yeah, all right, yeah, okay, we got to that Yeah, I get the director here. Oh, I ended that whole thing. I'm just oh, I'm just me again. Sorry.
I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm just moving on. I know you just gonna move on. Oh, I thought we were in the scene.
Okay, my bad All right, so that was pretty good guys are no good. That's pretty good. Not great though. That's great.
Oh, that's great. Oh, oh Good enough. Yeah, you're right. I don't feel special I think also I have a can I ask you a question I hate to ask this but um and I know I've been doing comedy for so long Bill and I need advice Because I can't ever tell you being sorry fucking get serious right now.
Okay, I need help What is your problem? For the last couple years maybe five years on stage. I'll do like one I'll squeeze in one new joke Listen that but like my shit's not growing and I'm not having fun with it and I'm afraid the bomb Oh, you gotta get it past that. Yeah, I'm afraid to bomb Yeah, you just go and I'm in that locked in thing So it's like when I'm at a club and it's packed and I'm following all these guys I have an agenda like I'm gonna do this new joke this joke but once I'm up there I don't I gotta kill because there's a crowd here.
I'm here with her. Yeah, I need help What would feel better after that when you go home and you lay your little Asian head on your pillow White sweatshop where yeah Well, maybe by Michael and now what's gonna make you feel better? No one that you tried and you bombed or no one that you check it out. What's gonna make you feel worse I should say no one that you check it out.
It's so funny that you say that because um every time I'm in the car driving home if you could see if you had a camera outside my car window and you were filming on a white shot This is what you'd see You know me? I'm like yelling at myself. Now. Why do you think I know that could you see me?
No? I went through the same thing. Oh, you did yeah When I used to wanted to do the Sunday night at the Boston I'd always would check it out in New York It was talent and will still Vince's show the all-black show I knew I could do well on it I kept checking it out like you know three weeks in a row then I'd be laying in my railroad apartment in my little skinny bag going I hate myself I hate myself and then finally when I was like okay What's gonna feel worse going in and doing this and bombing or fucking chickening out and laying and I just knew that did you know Not doing it So I went in and I actually ended up having a great step and then it changed from that moment Or was it something that you saw? Oh, my whole life has been baby steps baby steps baby steps baby steps baby steps Trying to get over something that I think is a mountain and it's like stepping up on a curb by the time you do it Like oh is that all it was?
That's what it is So you just have to go out there pick a night go up to the belly room and just pick a night and be like I'm just gonna fucking do these three things that I don't give a shit how they go I'm gonna give them my all I'm gonna have a good time I gotta do is just if you're bombing you just make fun of yourself Yeah, and it was so funny that you say this because you would think that I would know this after three I mean now, but there's all this there's no rhyme or reason to it You know, it's great at Jim Norton Jim Norton recently has been posting a bunch of like, you know more content is fucking hilarious Yeah, I love him, but he'll occasionally he'll post a joke That doesn't do well and it ends up like him commenting on it not doing well ends up killing harder than you know Oh, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I got damn it.
I had such high hopes for that Everybody just releases the tension. Yeah, I think in the beginning you're going back to when you first were comedian You didn't know how to release the tension so it just became like awful awful awful You know, that's why I was better to bomb in front of a black rock because I felt like they're vibe is we're having fun either With you or without you so if you start bombing they just start laughing and heckling so there's the show continues The show is either gonna be your act the joke should tell him or it's gonna be them just now toying with you Yeah, anyway, I would just yeah Just do that and I think the more comics that you tell that you're scared to do that the more will support you to get out there and go Do it and then you'll go do it you see that that's why I never have I ever asked that question before No, no because it's so hard to ask So hard to ask a guy that you you know that you work with and that you admire and then go how do I do this or how do I get that? You know and I think that um, but I'm a bald orange man. What does that mean?
It just means who the fuck am I? What is that? Look at me? I know there's no reason if you look at me you think I could be good at anything I know so it's a coral to me if it was like a coral like I always want to call every snow yet Every time I like that never like a lie I want to call you coral for some reason like you look like a Carl Jenkins in or I would love to play A guy named Carl.
Yeah, yeah name. That's kind of dying out Carl's were I don't know They were sort of guys guys, but they also could be like bullies a dicks Yeah, but I feel like Carl's a guy that was like like if I was in a Japanese internment camp, right? And you know how they were free inside the thing right they weren't chained up. Yeah Caged What in the word free in the parameters of what of towards us United States, right gave them so you're free within this area So they were able to walk around this and that right?
I'm sure they were able to get like pure rice like the good rice shiny rice shiny rice sticky rice sticky rice, right? But I bet you you know there are guys like Carl Right as a security guard at the fucking internment camp was an American like I like to risk his own truth for you Yes, yes to get you sticky rice because he realized that you were actually Chinese and not you guys went responsible for Pearl Harbor and actually were suffering Right under the Japanese with the Japanese that kind of the white people of a major. Yes. Yes.
That's the movie That's not bad. It's not bad. I whisper through the little fans I go What For an agent is an art That's why he'll tell somebody that's a Bruce Lee in a movie what the director would in Bruce Lee somehow had a distant agreement in one of those movies The character name that he was trying to get to they made it mr. Braith weight So that's how insecure that guy was that he had to do yeah, that he had to do that too I was a strip writer for a Bruce Lee movie.
I would use words like Cleveland. It's really difficult word for him to say You know me anyway, I would go car In you go. Yeah, that's my name and I go I'd say what do you want their little fella I know and you're allowed to be like some of that sticky rice. Yes that sounds like it's written by a white guy Then a cute little Asian heads his head through yeah, but I punked but Carl would you give me sticky rice if you could find it I can tell you this right now.
Oh, there's no fucking way. I could guard people such as yourself Why because you were just civilians ah yeah, like I wouldn't want to garden hard core criminals because I don't have the street Sparks to not get fucked up But there's no fucking way I could go to work unless I deliberately got a job there to try to bring some sort of humanity to you Wow, see I'm not a bad guy. I know but the thing is I'll break your balls and I would make fun of you in your prison guard But I was I would still be Well, you probably belittle me still verbally got to in a good-natured way like little guy. What's that little guy?
No fellow little fellow. What's that little fellow you say a little fellow right and then I have to internalize that That brings the curve down right right right. Yeah, you're all right. Okay.
I feel like you're gonna China Were you born there? You are not average height in China. Yes. You're short for an Asian.
You're a shason Yeah, I'm a shason for sure yeah Can I just say that something that was an attack all right and I want to defend myself real quick Okay, is that when Western culture introduced our foods to the east the people grew larger right so in the 50s Right, I would assume that if I was in Beijing or wherever is that in China? Yes, right and I'm walking around right? I want to be a Chinese guy named Carl You know and I'm like I feel like I'll be like I'm average in the 50s in the 50s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but now I mean, yeah, oh fuck that hurts.
Yeah, I'm not even fucking tall there man. You're not yeah, we've been to Korea. You were tiny there Yeah They also just look down on me Korean's are so rude to me why he doesn't speak Korean not only do I speak Korean. They don't know who I am right?
So like I you know who I am I gotta go to North Korea and I fucking see some table around here But there is like you know when no one knows Like not one thing and then you're showing up on it like a sad or whatever. That's Korean production It's just they don't know who you are so it just feels you mean like um My god, I just realized so you look like oh here. We go hold on to your horses guy who made that saying up by the way I hold your horses. Yeah, I can wait hold your horses.
Go ahead and imagine was probably some cowboy reasonable guy Have frontier justice hold your horses. Let's try to think this through. Okay, so tell me what I look like you look like the dude Who gets his head cut off in fucking year of the dragon Mickey rook? When that guy he takes it out he throws it on the table to the drugler don't watch that movie It's not it's it's the woman that plays Mickey rook's wife is fucking amazing in it So it's worth watching that but you know, yeah, they could have handled this subject to you a little better Right, so right, you know what I mean, so should we should watch it?
Um The year of oh my god, well, where's a severed head gilb? Yeah, it's not showing up on the wind alright Oh, go to the IMDB page if you want to see the guy We'll find the app there's an Asian guy. All right. Is he Asian in this?
Yeah? All right, look for it. Did you see squid games? No, I've tapped out all TV You haven't seen what I just watched I am there's so much great TV being watched it becomes it's trying to watch all of it is stressful And I just I know what we chin we chin doesn't have a picture we chin where is he no no Victor Wong?
Where's Victor Wong? Don't know it? Do we tie? Assuming it's a guy got a picture go to images go to just images in general Maybe somebody took like not an IMDB on the basic the basic internet there on the interface page there in a web It's better be worth it The guy that guy on the right there in the suit fucking amazing actor that guy is unbelievable.
He's fucking amazing It's just like I said, it's it's done from a very white Perspective there's a lot of like a and I'm gonna tell you right now the rice is gonna boil over and giant it down I like that. Yeah Alright, we'll watch it then, but I want to can I push all right squid games up Squid games, I know no listen listen listen Jesus fucking listen for a second man All right, cuz we're gonna talk to him about this So fuck her listen all right, you got me all you back in my chair I know what I'm saying is do you remember what we talked about this before when I went to your house and I gave you old boy Yes, okay, I'm telling you I think that you will like squid games because you like old boy. It's that good I believe all right. Yeah, I know but I also you know, I'm a fucked up dude I don't need to be watching fucked up shit.
I don't need it. I was talking about the audition I don't need to see shit like that. Why did you see it? Yeah, I did see it I didn't find it is horrifying as it was just sort of I Weird thing it wasn't scary all right.
It just wasn't scary. It was it became You know, it's all you know so much you got to build the suspense It's timing like making a great horror movie making a great comedy of the exact same thing because it's all gonna be in that editing and Tightening it up so it so the setup punch Yeah, and then there's all these setup punches in horror that these people if you don't have that timing the horror film timing It just becomes funny or boring right so you're saying that being paralyzed from the neck down and having a woman stick needles in your eyeball Is not fucking scary that's fucking scary For some reason I just didn't connect with right. I think there was something about that Wasn't he or acting coach? No, what was his deal?
His deal was he is not even a plausible fucking scenario But so it's basically I have a friend who's a casting director and I'm looking for a date because my wife died or whatever And I'm like hey, can you sit up a bunch of auditions so I can meet a girl Oh, yeah, see so he kind of did some dirty shit. Well, there you go And then you met this psycho. I mean you deserve all of that you didn't deserve all that no You deserve all yeah, but you could say about a lot of people these days One Korean horror that you might really like I think you said there's one Korean whore Oh, like one Korean horror movie. No, dude Hard on horror like they don't want to just entertain you they wanted to psychologically scar you yeah such respect for Asian Horror films.
I was Asian horror films. I won't watch them. They take it one step too far Like for instance if I was a director right a Korean director if I was an American director I think parasite was like a rom-com over there for them. Yeah, yeah It did have a very funny comedic vibe to it.
I'm telling you the wailing this one I think you'd like this this one is so good. Why you don't like fucking Asian architecture I do but only if this Asian's in there. Yeah, I don't want to meet a white guy coming out that door So you know what we love sushi. We just think we go with that that theme.
Yeah, you know what anything right now at all Nothing. That's so fucking liberating right to just be like I don't care. It's you got you have to see it It's so good. You know, it's all good.
It's all good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a little bit turn off You have to see it and it's kind of like well or you could like save me 15 hours of my fucking life and just tell me what happens Oh, I'll tell you what happens in squid game You want me to tell you? Yeah, all right, so if I can remember there's a guy By the way of squid games pitch this pitch this to the network that we're gonna pick up And you're not right Korean guy all right it's in Korea.
That's why he lied it. We've been raised this we just need people of color. Oh Just could do it. Thank you.
Absolutely. Can I get a million? I know why people know no no no there's actually there's Is he toxic yes, yes, yes, I Make me less racist Who's down on his luck Korean dude he gambles on the side, right? He's the average son meets Korea May I finish the pitch all right, so anyway, so he's desperate for money He's also in he owes money to loan sharks.
Do I have everything right so far right and so loan sharks find him He's after like a gambling thing was at a I'm not pitching as well And so and they make him sign something he doesn't know he's signing basically what he's signing is to be involved in a game called squid game And and it's for people that are in that they might say what people like more of a salmon roll I have nothing to do with fucking seafood. Sorry. Okay, there's nothing to do with seafood executive. Sorry for a check to Asian awareness So sorry, it's okay, may I finish yes, I'm loving this right?
So anyway people who are in debt in the show sign up for this thing called this my wife and I just went to downtown Chinatown and we loved it okay, that's nothing to do that has nothing to do with what I'm saying just trying to I know and I know you're very open and I'm Executive anyway, let me finish. Um, but the what the squid games is is basically a Competition and like a series of games that people play they're locked in this on this island. It's the hunger games Meets the fish market exactly yes, it's hunger games me. It's an Okinawa fish market.
That's what it is I mean, I love it. Thank you. What do you see casting that woman from crouching type? Yeah, she float.
Yeah. How does she float over? Wow walk? Oh, wow, right and see and there's a lot of blood anyway, so thank you I think you should see a bill and that's the last time I'm gonna ask you to see it fuck it You did you a good job doing is it interesting?
I'm guessing he wins at least the first fucking season or else the show's over Yeah, that's true. There we go. Yeah, yeah, but I'm really ruining the suspense of him getting where I know he's gonna be No, because there's a lot of twists and turns if I told you what those are right now You'd be like all people call it suspense other people call it twist and turns yeah, so yeah, there's a lot of switches I love that laugh that was really like I just poked your belly. I know What the fuck bro, don't you remember like on the Michelin?
Oh, no, he's ready to go. Yeah, yeah used to do that Anyway, I won't watch Matrix or go sponsors. Oh, it's done. I'm done I'm doing fucking tired of that shit.
I think it's amazing how much shit they just keep rebooting It's almost like they collectively like you know what we've told every story. There's no more ways to do this Let's just go back. I know that's why I know what it is. I think they just need content Yeah, and you have to have like every one of those fucking content channels I get on that thing and it's like you remember Robin Williams and Moscow in the Hudson Yeah, and he goes into the grocery store and have to be in from Russia You know, this is the American version of it.
He goes in his overwhelmed by how many cereal is there? Yeah, I think I remember that yeah over over simplifying capitalism versus whatever we thought communism was Yeah, that's what I feel like when I turn when I put on any of those streaming channels Yeah, but they also probably own properties like paramount will own like a property like like I did a pilot called problem trial based Movie movie. Yeah, yeah, so we're like we own this property. Let's do the show.
We did the pilot didn't work out well But that's like just what they're doing because they just need the content and they own these properties and they redo them Like fantasy island and all this shit and we have to fucking just oh I see I see what no I get it No, that makes sense like do you know like overseas? You know you'll see some random fucking movie like why the fuck is this here? And this is how it works or how they make money is when they sell good fellas You know overseas you can't just buy good fellas you got to buy it like a bundle of 200 movies Oh, they have like weekend at Bernie's nine right there and then they bought it so like well fuck it We bought it we might as well put it out there and then what happens it actually starts to make money Oh not picking on the weekend at Bernie's franchise. I'm just a sort of like a Scorsese like box set And you buy the whole fucking thing that we're saying that the people who had channels over there that even still exists Yes, Carl it does.
Yeah, I didn't know I thought like Netflix and streaming and everybody took over everything. They did take it Yeah, but I'm sure like country still like like Polly used to probably show you to brag about it Did son and lies number one in Thailand? He really was in the Philippines son-in-law all polyuremovies were like number one for like a whole decade Polish show make great movies in the army now great movie love it great What it is I mean I love it. I'm not acting like it's Chinatown Great fucking movie.
I know that's the first one I came in and I have a second like I allowed to say this to him Yeah, Chinatown is a classic great little some white person not involved in this conversation get offended for you Let me ask you something right when you're on stage Are you because of the culture and the climate that we're in right now? Are you editing or no? No, you're just saying whatever you want to say yeah, which I'm I have the right to do Which you know you have which you know I got me on with you think of the last time somebody in this business or outside of this Business complained about a joke and then think about how funny they are It's unbelievable. It's like somebody tone deaf telling a musician what chords they should be playing.
It's fucking unbelievable Yeah, and then when you see what's actually really happening Climate change and all of these types of things really important stuff. They just completely blow it off banks and oil company controlling our fucking foreign policy And none of that shit. Yeah, but then did you know what he said that fucking strip mall Can comedy go too far None of us are funny. Let's see let's sit around and discuss it.
Yeah, man Like I did I was fucking funny that is seanado connor. I went she tore up the picture. Yeah, nobody said she was right Then after that all of those fucking scandals came out that they were fucking kids The whole thing was like out there you stuff fucking pulp Effectively ruined her career or it ended it. So Nate's career was over at that moment But we should be thinking she was right in many ways.
We should she called it. She did call it. She did call it But that's why I still buy her album. I'll tell you what I don't fucking understand All right, all right How these gas prices can go through the goddamn roof because they didn't make any money last year and nobody has a fucking problem with that And then you remember the beginning of the pandemic the guy who fucking hoarded the hand sanitizer.
Yeah, they crucified that guy Guy was one of the greatest dude. I called it ever. Yeah, they've been saying something's coming to SARS all of this Yeah, fucking whatever they're coming this guy this guy fucking took a shot He bet the fucking hundred of one horse that they came in and they took away his winnings Yeah, and they they fucking crucified him for price gouging and all that but if a corporation who advertises on that same fucking news network does it? They don't fucking say a word Bullshit Amazon right Amazon seller.
Yeah, we sell her and Amazon was doing the same fucking yet That's why they shut him down and they shut him down. We watched a documentary about that. Oh, they did There's already been a documentary. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. What yeah, there was in that same document. There was a guy that just happened I know they just put up who they making a doc they're probably making a documentary as he was doing it going like this Is like a rags to riches story and then it turns no Because like the New York Times like wrote an article about him. Yeah, like it was insane Because you know why the same reason why they crucified fucking comedians.
It's safe. Yeah, it's safe because I always said dude If we all got together we just come in as we started buying ad time on Fox and CNN y'all this sudden we wouldn't be offensive anymore Wiz I know this guy, but in the same documentary. It has hit that guy from San Diego who worked for like the gas and water company Whatever he was driving his car. It was at the same time.
He's at a stoplight and there's a BLM protest going walking around Street he stops he's fine, right? Mexican guy, you know, and he's when he drives he kind of like you know stretches out his fingers He does he does this right when he's driving and he did this symbol like this and they took this photo while He's driving like this while he's stretching his hand out like this and he lost his job because this is a white power symbol He still doesn't have a job that guy what's wrong Carl he hangs his hand out the window and he stretches his fingers Wait, yeah, yeah, I was driving by my father and I was stretching and then I was like I know I know I know but that's it look That's the white power holding the joint Or he could be doing like a reverse like rock and roll thing. Yeah, but then why how could a Mexican guy get in trouble for white power? They don't want like those airy guys don't want him either.
I know my point. That's what he was saying. He was like why am I canceled? I'm Mexican so that's in the same document.
They said that's why We just use that as an excuse. Yeah. Oh, that's why yeah I feel like if you did this a million like a specific you'll find a symbol that someone's not gonna like someone's not gonna like your footwork and make it Bill excuse me Carl. What the fuck is along with my feet now?
You have talons like because you put my feet are fuck look at this It's bleeding right here. Oh, anyway, that's only because you don't take care of yourself I don't yeah, and then I'm supposed to sit here and be upset when they have all cures for all your ails I know same thing with your car. You can get that thing fixed the whole fucking thing. No, it's not why I'm not worth it Great therapist Yeah, and after we get our zoom session, I'm just gonna fucking kill us You know what my therapist but my plastic let's bring some more fresh meat in here When you when you see me walking around you think that I'm a guy that just doesn't take care of himself like what a mess No, I feel like you're punishing yourself for shit that it's not your fault Other people did shit to you so now you have and actually it angers me because it reminds me of the times I do it to myself Ah, there you go.
All right, what do you fucking acorn hat so So what you're fucking I mean, oh acorn hat I said a break detention because I said something nice. That was really fun Oh, that's what that's what you can't do you can't give me a compliment on my point You can't give me a compliment unless you slam you I literally just said this Speaking of john denver he is on the fucking john denver fucking uh, yeah I used to wear one of those way back in day when I worked on warehouse this guy's called the Colorado You know what you're gonna call a rattle. Yeah, yeah like the furry fucking jean jacket Let me see if I can sing a john denver song Rocky mountain. Huh?
Is that one? That's one? Rocky mountain. Huh?
And is that one that makes even most white people uncomfortable? Son It's like fucking About the eagle in the hawk and it doesn't sound like any of his other songs Something like that anything close He did a lot of looking out his window in Colorado, didn't he? I think he just waited now right that out when I'm in Colorado. I know I know I'm I know I'm my my bread's buttered.
Yeah, how do you die? That's a plane I'm just raising my hand I think it was yeah, he died and then bow down on a bow down on a bow down on a bow down on a line Which one's that fuck share? Sunny oh sunny. He died from a tree too.
Yeah skiing. Yeah. Yeah, a tree fucking gone How would you like to go out? Are you afraid to die?
I know at all well I am for my kids Well, I don't want to die horrific death But like I think it's gonna be really relaxing and I don't believe that there's anybody's gonna be judging me You know why why because it was these two fucking kittens outside of my house these two stray kittens Right and I'm sitting there and I'm trying to get them into the fucking house because I know what's gonna happen to them If they stay out there and they just wouldn't get any closer and we would get in closer three days You know we were getting close to like they were gonna accept us. We had a crate We're gonna put a minute and blah blah blah. They just kept jumping over the fence to take the food And they wouldn't let us get anywhere near him and I'm sitting on my couch and I heard this fucking No, I haven't seen him since Yeah, and I'm just thinking of myself like walking man. Yeah, like what kind of story is that?
What kind of story is that? Yeah, that's what this fucking place is you don't have a garage Put the fucking kittens in the fucking garage man. Dude and then thing goes The fucking door they're gonna run out. Oh, you killed it bird the other day.
I rescued a bird Quite the opposite. No, I said to bring it inside and then you didn't know because it's a baby You can't just if the mother happens to come back for it. You can't bring a baby in I know but what my plan was Baby hurt outside. Let's bring it in give it's sunflower seeds If in 24 hours the mother didn't come back.
I would have Anyway, it's okay. I died tried The other kitten that's gonna t-shirt what baby bird died died thought thought tried Yeah, wait did the other kitten survive? Just and I don't know if somebody else got him. Yeah, and was able to get him into his shelter, but uh, you know It's just you know, there's a lot of variables everybody my house is allergic to cats It was very fucking stressful Yeah, yeah, and every day I'm like oh fuck guys and they would meow real loud and I'd be like guys get inside You can't fucking be talking to him.
Oh, you're doing that come out here And then I'd start to come towards I'm trying to like you know when I cuz I was stressed They kept fucking running away was a nightmare the fucking nightmare And then like the same guy was gonna judge me creates this fucking world that two things that cute can't hang out for more than three nights They're also getting fucking eaten alive. Yeah, and then you're gonna give me shit because I went to a titty bar So no, I think I just what's the last time you went to a titty bar? Oh god, I don't even know I don't know what's up. You went to one.
Oh, I used to go On monday nights, but we wouldn't we would just drink at the bar We're hearing a letter. Yeah, she's not gonna say I'm not gonna say which one but we fucking uh, she does It had to be cheap. Yeah, it was yeah It was I used to go there with two other comics. Yeah, and we would just sit and we would we would you know the dancers are over there We would tip all the dancers.
Yeah, and then you know we didn't do any of that creepy lap dance sharing Then we would just sit there drinking beer. It's just laughing or fucking ass. We just called board meetings We would go down there and it was uh Yeah, we had a great time. We got to know people down there and they just knew it's we were like these regular barflies And we would go down there but that was like I don't know Seven eight 10 years ago, but she knows it's just a great bar the inside.
It's like it's a great ball Yeah, it's a cool bar. It's not great right right. They also shot, you know, comedy central shit there Like yeah, like our show our show. It's not happening.
And whenever you're there you see I always see com See there a lot hanging out. I love him. I don't know why I wouldn't name names of who's hanging out down there It was it was a good that out. Yeah, but it was a I would definitely got that It was a fun it was a fun.
Hey, it was a fun. Hey, it reminded me like I remember a long time ago First time I went down to with Lana and I met some woman down there and she we were gonna go hang out She wanted to take me to a titty bar and I go watch she goes to goes This isn't these they're not like in the other states. It's like a party Everybody's having a good time and I went in and that's what it's like it was like an album release Oh really? That's what it felt like it didn't feel like you know when you're being some godforsaken town and all those truckers are in there You felt like there was a serial killer in here.
I have to get out of here So that's sort of how all the la titty bars are I've been to most of them like Sam's all of them It's just a nice drinking vibe. Yeah, what is that reservation dogs? Oh, you want to talk about how great is that show? It's fantastic.
It's the early man when I started came on the show and said that you had the best okey accent. He never heard That's good. I worked on that. I got a coach and everything like that because all those people giving me shit And just because they know I'm where I'm from it's not like I have like a hardcore Boston accent I just have like an East Coast accent.
I pronounce my ours and stuff but like It's not and it's just how you know they say like, you know, bad backs I say I say Bob box walk. So, you know, like I Teach me how to do a Boston accent real quick. I always want to learn so give me something like it Why don't you give me a sentence? All right, try try to say do your job Do your job Hey do your job.
No, that's how Asian right? Asian. Yeah, hey, hey do you do your do your Why don't you see a fucking sentence? I fucking repeat it.
I just had to see where you were created Well, one thing that they always say they always fuck up is they Is the joke park the car in the Harvard yacht? So then people think everything is just ah Ah park the car. So like I'll say they'll say where you're from and I'll say Boston and they go oh Boston It's like that's how people from the Midwest say right so bos becomes b aw Baw like saw right job is data line again and I'm gonna repeat job. Do your job job job job.
No, just just think like saw So jah what is wrong with you? What do you mean doing this on purpose? No, no, I'm 220. What is this called right here?
This is your jaw Forget it What? What is it? What are you guys getting at all right start over let's start over. You really walk you George I really want to do this.
Please help me. What's the name of the movie with the shark in it? Jaws Can you not say it? Jaws.
Jaws. Okay. That's how you would say okay. Okay.
Jaws. Jaws. Not just that it be at the end of it Boss. No at the end of it job job job job.
Do your job. Do your job job. You're turning the boss. I can't do it.
Okay Why you know what you can't be this bad. You're just gonna start I'm not purrpercy hopeless. I'm hopeless. There we go.
You know what? You know what hurts me? Busy, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do. I think you do you just reminded me of fucking overly like just self-analysis You don't really hurts me Unh awful. I'm not awful advice. You do TV shows and movies You know, okay.
Thank you. Oh, you're crushing it. I'm doing good. Do you know what really hurts me?
I don't care I know what I'm doing. You know what I know was I do care It was just too fucking desperate and made me feel uncomfortable and you put all your pain right in my face And I didn't want to see it. I want you to sit back in that dirty orange chair You know I honestly when I first met you I was super intimidated. Just let me finish okay I honestly love you so much.
I think we're gonna become really good friends I feel it. I feel like in my 50s This is gonna and you I don't know what you're doing right now And I don't like it I could feel the resistance like he's rejecting your friend You're gonna say something like from Boston that's gonna be like press and like hurtful jaws, you know what I mean? But I honestly got you off with the pass. All right, let's do the unhold load vice.
Oh, okay Unhold vase with bill bear All right. Hey guys, my name is Joel. I'm 24 years old and I've been having a new fetish lately of wanting someone to watch me and my girl Have sex girl or guy. I don't care.
Just want them to watch but that's it. How do I bring it up with my partner? What's my plan? Oh god?
It depends on what your end goal is. Do you want to settle down and get married and have a wife and kids? I wouldn't indulge in that shit But if you just want to like fucking not be tethered to any sort of fucking normalcy then How would you do that? Oh, what you got to do is you got to be like, oh, you know, you want to spice it up a little bit You have that conversation and then you see like what the fuck she's into And then you got to kind of play it out and gradually either go right to it or bring it around eventually Do you know what I mean?
Take her to one of those sex clubs. See if she's into the exhibition game or voyeurism even I didn't listen to the question. Shit again. Yeah, but if they haven't done anything like that Yeah, so then just out of nowhere go hey, you want to go to Applebee's or maybe the sex club tonight?
That's the way to do it. Yeah. Yeah, we could get a moon over my hand. You're what people fuck each other Honey, I'm just spitballing.
Okay. Just throwing shit against the wall. That's a great way to defend How would you convince kalala to another woman or man watch you guys have sex Have another woman or watch you have exhibitionist you your next bishness you want to be seen having sex Yeah, I feel like that you wouldn't you wouldn't be you would be okay with that. I would be okay with it I think you would know I don't like being seen I'm a voyeur.
I like to watch I don't like being seen So you would watch me do it with some I would rather watch you have sex with anyone but I'm sort of a cock Would you watch me and carl my new best friend carl make as long as I'm in character. It's not okay Yeah, yeah, I'll get a golden globe for this Or a golden shower That would be the most miserable human experience of my life making love to him Why do you have to be so hurtful? No, it's would be hard. I just why can't you take the time to get to know me like I just would I would have performance anxiety.
I think you would do it with him. Yeah with Eric Griffin. No Landers stomach. I got it And I just put my arm around with with with with a riff with a riff with a riff with it.
Yeah, but with Billy No, who else would you have a hard time with? How about a woman, you know, you know, just going right to God. Yeah, it's funnier with guys with women in terms of comics. Yeah, um No, Whitney You got what do you do with name and names here?
Come on. No, we can name names who I want to make love to How was that hurtful because they have to do it with you That's that's true. Yeah, but Whitney probably know Nikki glazier No one I just got a female comic. I would make love Bert Bert Chrysler.
Yeah, probably yeah, because it would be like a buddy movie I know right a rote money a roteling laughing. I know because when we did uh, that would still be PG 13 Oh, you think no Or with Bert. I mean with no because you guys are like good natured fun people that people love Yeah, it wouldn't seem dirty. Yeah, like he's shit in my on my hand He's shit in my palm.
Oh, yeah, you're halfway there to Yeah, yeah, when I did this Netflix show and he did the the colonic that the coffee colonic It sprayed on my hand. I saw the whole the whole thing right and I felt okay with that. You know, I mean if it was carl Oh my god. Yeah, that'd be terrible Anyway, anyway, I think a hallmark card both of you guys have your legs crossed the same way one in front of the other Two of the same chairs.
Let me ask you something. I remember those love is those creepy cards when we were kids. No, what was those? Yes, yeah, the kids with the giant eyes.
Yeah, there was something about that reminded me I remember those cutouts love it and then I looked into your eyes and I realized that this is not the card Um, any other ones is that it? That's it for us Anything the promo bill uh season five the fifth and final season of efforts for family is streaming now on Netflix and argarole mocallens is on Mocallens is on it is a bunch of people on it. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great show.
Sam Rockwell. Why is that that? That's insane? Dave kekner Huge Why only one more season Justin long?
Okay, Justin Trevor Deval It's amazing. Okay. Why only one more season. It's fun.
It's Vince on it. Vince on was on season three. Okay. Can I Can I say something?
I want to thank you about Vince That was all uh, I want to thank you. Can I thank you something? Okay? For 20 years.
Oh, you already told me the story. You already said thank you. Yeah, and I want to thank you Okay, and that that's first of all how mad are your listeners right now? I think they know yeah, you've told this.
I thought you know I want to thank you for that because that was something that I thought I was gonna die with And you did that and I want to say that um hey carls always looking out for his little buddy I think you are I think you really are and I also want to thank you for um having all things comedy and having our podcast on your network And I want to give you um, I love you carl and they give him a round of applause give carl a round of applause for you Thank you everybody season five these final season last season. This is it and he rotates you want to fucking plug? Jesus. That's aggressive Um and see i'll be in San Diego December 10th and then i'll be in Indianapolis and the teens I don't know the exact dates and then between christmas and do your i'll be in Phoenix, Arizona F is for family there is for family check it out.
Um you the great mic price from the Simpsons love him He's the best word turns in it. I know I mean A list fucking situation Billy. I love you. Thank you so much for Debbie dairy berry.
Try to give a shout out to everybody Anybody else Peter billingsley Victoria of all Who's Peter billingsley the way great David Richardson who's Peter billingsley great mark will more who the fuck are these people are the other show writers and perform? Okay, good. Yeah, give them a round of applause after family the whole staff a group that could go for everybody. Okay, give killer round of applause