Ding dong. Come in. Hello. I'm the prick inspector.
I've come to inspect your pricks. I believe you have one here at this location. Eli Silverman. Yes, that's me.
Well, how can I help you? Well, I've come to inspect you for your prickishness. I haven't done anything prickly lately. No one's emailed me.
I want to think about this. Oh, there was an email sent to Eliprick.gmail.com. That's not my email address. I'm sorry, I made a terrible episode.
I'll get out. I'll leave. I'll go home. Oh, no, no.
I liked it. It was clever. That was not clever. It was very clever because it was a version.
You always do this. I've been down about the quality of last week's episode, and how we need to do better, and not get into bad habits. And then you produce a piece of them back, though. Yes.
The worst, one of the least well-conceived, unfunny things. Honestly, I've ever heard from you. Hello. I'm the dickhead inspector.
Is there a dickhead here, couple? That's me. Hello. Hello.
I'm from the dickhead agency. I'm a dickhead. Yes. I've been a dickhead now for 10 years.
I haven't even got the badge. Well, I'm from the agency. And we want to bring you into the compound, and then do experiments on you. A compound?
Yes. It's a compound. Sounds morally dubious. I'm in.
We test your dickhead. Right. And we rub up and down on your neck. Nice.
And then I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Is that what you want? Yes, you do a chicken impression.
And now that's our cold open this week. No. That is. That's me pastishing your shit.
Oh, well. It was a very good question. Yeah. So, I'm the unfunny cunt inspector.
That's me. How can I help? I've been on a funny cup for a pound. We're looking for a, oh, let me just check my list.
Look at him for a Paul Ganon. That's me. He's the least funny man in a two-mile radius of me. That's me.
And that's our cold open this week. Here's fuck off. What was the cheap show? I hate you.
And a fucking moodle posse. And people love noodles. It's just a fucking cheap show you're going to have to learn the fucking accent. Cheap show.
Cheap show. Do you like Silverman? And a girl, and a nuzzle. Well, welcome to Cheap Show.
It's the comedy comedy podcast where I, Paul Ganon, and my good friend. Eli Silverman, hi everybody. Hi. We go through the bargain bins, the charity shops and power lands of this great country of ours.
We look for the treasure to be found amongst that trash. And boy howdy have we got some lovely things for you today. What we've got coming up on the show today? Well, we've got a charity shop showcase where we highlight things that we find in a charity shop that we think are worth talking about outside of any games, competitions or challenges.
Part of the inshitification process of cheap show whereby everything becomes a binary. The in-or-going inshitification of cheap show is in full swing. In-or-out. In-and-out.
Again, you're doing your own thing. No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
I will be disciplining you this week. How? Every time you do a mad mouth noise, I'm going to put my thumb up your bum off. How about that?
Why don't you get punished for any of the tropes like that one? I don't need to be punished. Oh, I get arse damage. Arse punish.
So I arse punish you. The human heart. Arse punish. Right.
Arse punish. I need some arse punish. Here we go. The arse punish.
Right. I'm making a look about that. What do you do to punish me? What's your witty thing that's important?
I get to make Eli Retribution. Eli Retribution. I get to say, go heartly. No, but then I get mouth noise.
No, that's a good word. Go heartly is a word. It's not a word. Anyway, on this week's show, we've got the charity shop showcase and we have a tale.
Two charity shops. Well, no, we have one segment with two items within it. Please get it right. I ask you to leave the podcast.
Pop, pop, pop. You can't do that. It's a community reference. Is it?
Yeah. But I didn't mean it like pop, pop hands. No, yeah. You meant it isn't the pop at the bum.
The bum at the bum. Maybe. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo. Doo, doo. Doo, doo. Doo, da, da, da.
We're just, we don't get a swing. Doo, da. You get a swing at a paddouche. You don't, you just say doo, da, da, da, da, da.
Doo, da, da, da. but again, it's saying that we think it's worth your time. We do, it's Noodles is always worth your time because we are a Noodle-based podcast. Noodles and sources, primarily not.
Ghostbusters, Noodles and sources. Look, I reckon if you stacked up and super edited every time I've mentioned ghostbusters against every time you've mentioned source and noodles, I have enough theory that I will have a very small amount of ghostbusters content compared to your Noodle content. Accept it, but I want you in turn to accept this. Yes.
Accept this one about it. I want you in turn to accept this. I will accept it with both hands. You are the interlocutor and you will accept this.
Interlocutor. Interlocutor. I don't know what you're saying. Interlocutor.
Tom Kuto. Who's that? No, that's just not. Don't start then.
I know, but what you say, what words are you trying to impart wisdom by? I'm saying, I accept, yes, it's just a recap. I accept. You should do.
I accept that if you did a supercut of every time I'd said Noodles or sources on the show and you put it up against a new supercut of you saying ghostbusters mentioned ghostbusters, one would be much larger in extent than the other. But also, you know what, you know what, what is more larger in importance to the history of the world? Sources and noodles. Sources and including condiments in that, and noodles, sources, condiments and noodles for all case leftes.
Yeah, but like ghostbusters. So, it's going to change the world, but it might be a bomb for some who really enjoy it. And it needs more to them in their life than a source does on a regular basis. Nothing means more to sources.
What do you? Yeah, because you had a blanket existence where everything in Eli land is fucking sparkling in fine. Show me some outside this point of you looking in. It's like looking into a cancerous arsehole for the parts of the webs.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, what did we have to? Well, we've got to tell them to shop floor for everyone.
Yeah, that's, I've said that. I mean, what do you want to do today? What did you want to do today? It's up to you.
I'm going to tell them to shop floor at the first. I don't know. What should we get that out of the way now then? It's something that we both enjoy.
Why is everything getting out of the way? It's like you want to die before you've lived. Well, well then, let's enjoy this. Let's savour this moment.
We're having... I'm just going to savour this moment. Oh, this moment is so good. Ah, chef's kiss.
Oh, doosh doosh doosh. Doosh doosh. Ah. Doosh doosh doosh.
Doosh doosh doosh doosh. I've doosh did. Did you know shoozing is plary? No, it's just that.
It's just that. It's a plary word. No, it's a plary. They didn't take it from a French word.
I don't know what they took it from. Right. But they did borrow from French, didn't they? Oh, larry.
Oh, can parry. Oh, doosh doosh doosh doosh. Oh, doosh doosh doosh. Ginozzo, I'm drinking.
He's drinking cinotto, which is a orange bitters Italian soft drink. And it's quite a bit of Italy. And drink it and we're done with that bit of information. Oh, oh larry.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, cinotto. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
And I've run out of words to add to it. This is poor. So let's just wrap this up now, mate. This is the go.
This is far up. We've set the stalls. It's a parcel of nothing. We've set the stalls up.
We've set the stalls up. We've set the stalls up. We've set the stalls up. The stalls at the show.
Yeah, the show is a market street. And we've said, just over there is the stand for the hotels from the shop floor. And over there is the stand for the noodle. And over there is the charity shop showcase stand.
And the market is now open. Dingling, everyone. Everyone can be going. You think what I said bells in every single.
It's not a fucking market. It's not a fucking market. Is this a shit? It's a shit.
I get hungry. It's a part of the... Well, you can piss in the streets. I can piss in the street.
Don't fucking go. I can piss in the street. I've seen you do it. I don't piss in the streets.
You've pissed in many streets, mate. I've seen you piss in more streets than I thought dinners. Again, factually incorrect. It's not factually incorrect.
Any time I've been out with you. Every time I've been out with you, I've caught you having a piss in the street. In the corner of a market store, when we went past that. In the corner, remember when we used to do the brew house and you've met for many pisses in the market store.
I used to piss up the market store. You've pissed by the bins where you work. You piss around the back of shop and I'm like that. It's not like that.
Talk about out. Talk about out. You've got your super injunction broken. Mate, can we just crack on?
Well, I'm not trying to do anything here. I'm trying to be good boy. I like it when you're a good boy. Come on, let's have a thousand.
The door's closed. The door is shut. The door is shut. The door is shut.
The door is shut. The door is shut. The door is shut. The door is shut.
I'm deaf, can't hear anything. I just guess what's about to be said. Okay. Based on facial gestures, I can lip read.
Oh, he like wants a lollipop. It's too big for the cals from the shop floor. Just the shop floor floor for the world. We have the world.
Have we? Yes, let's just explain to people. Why don't you explain to people? Tales from the shop floor is an infrequent segment that we do where we read stories sent in by our listeners who have had funny little anecdotes happen to them in the world of retail.
Hence, shop. Could be chatted, it's just charity shop. It's not just charity shop, but it's blossomed into supermarket, department stores. We've had libraries, policemen, first night on the job as a policeman.
Yeah, that was one of our darkest chapters. That's true, a line on the some respects of other stories we would be willing to tell. Yes. The whole punching down on the elements of society.
It was in danger of degenerating into a bunch of sort of freak out video equipment of just sort of homeless people. They didn't want to turn this into a bum fight segment of the show. The bum fight, that's the phrase. It's not bum fights, it's tells from the shop floor.
And we have one this week that I think qualifies as suitable for reading on this week. Okay, great. I'm looking forward to this, Paul. Great.
So this one comes from Brett and Brett says, thus, I can't remember if I've submitted this before, but after telling my friend, fellow cheap show fan, and your revision entrant Morgan Kenning recently, she urged me to submit it so I am doing it to make sure. Good. I don't think you have submitted this before. This is fresh to my eye.
Thanks, Bruce. Brett. Wow. Thanks, Brad.
Thanks, Brad. Trad. Chord. Broad.
Broad. Here we go. Thank you, Brad. Here he is.
It is Brett. Okay. Right. Here's the story.
I used to work at Dudley too. And Castle. Googoo. Is that Birmingham?
Did you say that? It's like Slade? It's like Slade. The Henry.
Jasper. I can't do it. I can't do it. Say I'm Jasper.
And I like mopeds. You can get the best out of Saxon trying to be Birmingham. Then you do when you're trying to be. I can't do Birmingham.
I can't do Birmingham. I can't do Birmingham. I can't only do which we've been proven. Australian.
Australian. You could do one thing. One thing. In the whole of cheap show's history.
You could do one thing. And that's doing an Australian accent. One thing on that Paul. You know what I've been noticing recently?
Whenever an American creator, YouTube, whatever, yes, tries to do a British accent in a mocking way, you know, does a British accent. It's Australian. Oh, they do always final tappy as well. No, no, they can't.
It does. And I think there's a certain part of the American population who actually cannot discern between a sort of London, an estuary called an estuary English accent, and Australian. They can't tell the difference. To me, to them, I sound like having Australian accent when I'm talking about it.
When I lived in LA, I would sometimes be asked, it was weird, are you Australian? I didn't get that. I'd say, are you one of those Welsh? Yeah.
I think that's, you've got a southern, slightly southern. I'm into it now. Yeah. Which they mistake for Australian, or just can't see the difference between.
No, no. But I think that is why my Australian accent is quite effective. Because it is actually close to how I actually speak. They probably think that's cockney.
But as an American right now, I love these Australian guys when they do those cockney accents. Yeah. Just like when they hear my American. And every single American listener's also shrivels up to the tightest blood possible.
Well, I kind of like, I like biscuits. Although he's a real person. And in no way, a character from the imagination of Paul Michael Gannon. I think imagination is too strong a word, there Paul.
Is it from the bum hole mine? Oh my character's gone from the dust brush. You're traveling through another dimension. And then the parabolic.
The parabolic's flying by. Yeah. The giant joint on an angle is spinning through space. Right.
Right. And we could do that for a while. But let's just go on with the story. So they used to work at the top of the book.
It's a well-known haunted location. I asked because often they were Victorian follies that were sort of billed castles. You know that. Anyway, let's get through to the story.
I used to work at the Zoom in Castle near Birmingham and we had a celebrity guest visitor one day. The zoo had some baboon births and named one of them Billy in honor of who do you think they know? Who do you think they know after? Think.
I was going to say Billy Gibbon of ZZ Top. It's a lucky thing. But it's not that. Everyone note I've said Billy Gibbons.
Obviously he's top the lead. Yeah. Guy answers easy top. It sounds like you'd see on Blackpool Peugeot doing a summer show.
Oh I'm Billy Gibbons. Oh Billy Gibbons is my favourite character. Wacky mob. Oh etc.
Wacky what? Bob. Do you think they're going to be named? Wacky Mashman.
Oh God. Oh I'm the marshman. Shut up. Stop it.
Don't worry about me. Just the ability to generate wild new characters from the ether. Oh crap. Oh I've got one of you.
Who was this? It's Caroline. Hot tits. Hot tits.
I can't put on pros. They go on fire. No this is all the character I've got. Oh it's Gary clothes hanger.
Oh just hang your clothes on me. Oh you can hold your finger. Can I take part in this? No no no I'm going to grab the character out of the air.
It comes. It's going to grab one. No. It's Mr.
Gangol. You can't do it anymore. You've lost your seed. You've lost your character making seed.
You've shot too many blanks and all the spanks gone. Oh there's a little character coming through. They're coming through. What?
It's Cheeky Bird. You already had that bird. Do you remember that bird? No it's a different one.
There's the only whistle. There's a Cheeky Bird. How's he doing? It's Cheeky.
Nothing. Right. No. Okay so let's do this fucking letter.
Right. The zoo had some of the boom birds named Juan Billy. In honor of Billy Monkey. Billy.
Billy. No I just know. No I'm going to get this. Give me a clue.
Well Bill is the first name. I'll save that. Bill Gorilla. They haven't got a monkey name.
They haven't got a monkey name. No. There was another. I'll just tell you.
I don't want this to be a 17 minute segment of you naming Billy's. I don't think of any Bill. Good. It was in honor of Bill Audie.
I was going to say Bill Audie. I was going to say Bill Audie. I had it in my mind. I fucking hate it when people say that.
Here's it. It's 15 minutes for you to guess. Oh Bill I haven't got it. I'll be down to Bill Audie.
Yeah I knew that. I was going to say that. Well then why did you wait 15 minutes my fucking time? Wasn't it bearded stupid cock?
Wasn't 15 minutes. Felt like it. Billy Audie has it. Well listening audience it felt like it.
Bill Audie has rough feet apparently. Well let's just get into the story shall we? So in honor of Bill Audie it would have made more sense if it was Gibbons but what can you do? Because the funky Gibbon because they're big hit.
The funky Gibbon. The goodies big hit. Do the funky Gibbon. Do the funky Gibbon.
Do the funky Gibbon. That one. That is a record of seven inch single that infests charity shots. Oh there's loads of goodies songs that like that one is the most and you see funky.
Oh it's some kind of funk records but no in any sense the goodies. Anyway so I had the pleasure of meeting Bill Audie on this absolutely pouring down day. Bill Audie shows up with some monkeys named after him. Yeah because he did a sort of full for Gibbon.
Oh that's the loose connection. Maybe he likes animals and the money. Listen let me over this story because I need to have momentum for this right here we go. Brett had the pleasure of meeting Bill Audie.
He stank of wet dog. This is what he says here. I love this now. Porto is pouring down day and he stank of wet dog but this isn't the cheap show worthy moment right.
Let me read this. The zoo had lots of old cottages on site from its history which are used as offices and the storage. One of which was a very plush office with a very nice bathroom. Mr.
Audie took a dump so bad in this bathroom that apparently the entire office had to be vacated for several days with the windows left open to clear this. He cleared it. He cleared it out. That's a story thanks for the entertainment.
Thank you. Thanks Brett that really made my day. Oh fancy that. I think you think Bill Audie like where I dropped his God to where they could fucking deal with that and strolled out like cock of the walk.
I really like the also like I've ruined my classical presentation. I'm just fascinated that shit can be that bad. I'm not. I've smelled what YouTube that was like.
No it's never for the whole week though. You have been the fucking incense industry going because of your fucking bathroom disasters. I've been pissed shame I've been poo shamed. It's true.
How much humiliation can I take? I don't know. Throwing in 50 episodes worth. Anyway that was a wonderful and concise tell from the shop floor.
I like it. Thank you very much Brett that's going in on mine a hall of fame. And if anyone else has any stories about celebrities who smell bad in person or drop horrible eggy guffs or anything that really kind of lowers the reputation of a well-loved star. I like to get in touch.
You can email thecheapshow.com. I like the idea of someone who eats. You know what's going to happen is one day like I tell them the shop floor one day. He like still became into cute bathroom and absolutely burns out the place.
I know it was going to be bad. I used to save it for homesies. I know it's going to be like a grown up apart from I was in Leicester. And you didn't find talk because you had a free flusher that you admitted.
It's a courtesy one. And it was a fucking stenchy day. It was solid air. I bet the word of God.
It was solid air. I love this Eli. He's in that cafe Nero in Leicester. Oh I'm seeing him later at the live show.
Oh he just popped into the toilet. I'll wait till he comes out. Oh god. Oh you like really fucking stewed that room out didn't he?
You didn't smell that one. Mate when you open that door. I'm going to pop open a sewer pipe. You dirty grubby shit, Meister.
That was bad. Yeah. I don't think I worry talking about this. Why indeed?
We're going to build on it. I bet there has to be some kind of level of disease or alcoholism. It's going to be that bad. They can't return to the office for a week.
Maybe just clang to the whole to the fabric of the wall. Imagine just the grossness of Bill Ody's fucking terminal nuclear chod bomb. I bet it looked like a baboon's arm as well. I think it's right.
I think I'm a boons neck. I just got to hear we go villain. Go villain. The best monkey moped.
That's Jasper Carrey. Think about funky gibber. Oh you know. That's not a good one.
No that's good. Thank you Brett. Bye bye everyone. And that's the cold open.
That's the cold open. Hey everybody it's time for the charity shop showcase segment of the show. Tell us a little bit about what that is. Charity shop showcase is a part of the show where we pick items that we found in charity shops and we present them to each other and then we decide.
As a team whether they are a charity shop showcase a good worthy item that deserves to exist or if they have no place. No place in this plane of reality. No place in this plane of reality and would it be better to have never existed. Although did we always I guess it's a point to that.
I just think we should bring things along that we like that we bought that don't fall into any other category within the show. That's bringing them along but then the judgment hammer does. Should there be judgments? Does everything need to be judged?
Just leaving judge hammer of retretude. Oh no. The cleaving hammer. You're doing so well.
I think listen you're the only star at this. I did not know not me. It's in it. I'm good boy.
No you're not good boy. You're not good boy. Yeah good boy. I think the characters that you produced earlier were substandard.
I think in time they will age beautifully and I think I need to demonstrate to everyone. Oh cheeky bird. What's that? You know what's a bet?
What's that cheeky bird? E like dresses like a drunk dad in a social group. In a social group. Yeah like most people are.
It's a fucking idiot. This bird's an idiot in a drunk dad in a social group. Oh from one to go I can't remember what we used them but I remember the voice. It's the chutney owl.
He must. Oh there's some old chutney from the chutney owl. No that's not what the chutney owl does. Oh don't be so cheeky cheeky bird.
Well you'll get us cancelled if I repeat that cheeky bird. You know what the chutney owl is probably here for? Well my pens. Great.
So we have this the cherry shop show case segment of the show where we give you things that you might like to see. I explained it. I explained it. Oh do you want me to recap?
Yes I'll just recap. No we're fine with good. I'm just going to recap. I'm going to recap.
So we bring in interesting items that we found in charity shops. We present them to each other. And then between us as a team the cleaving hammer of this decision comes down and some object it banishes. Chucky bird shut up.
Where they have no place. But other objects have showcased. It's cat calling me your fucking abusive bird. Chucky bird.
It's going to call me a drunk dad in a social group. Just admit the chutney owl is here for my butt nuggets. Book of your bum jam. The chutney owl is here for the bum jam everywhere.
It's got very sensitive nose and it can smell my dick sweat from fucking two miles out. And now you're suggesting your dick makes chukney now as well. It's not chutney but it's got a very olfactory tin. I hate where this is going.
It's got an olfactory tin. I hate where this is going. I hate staccato. I just stopped.
See if it ain't like good now. It's not chutney but it's got a very olfactory tin. I hate where this is going. I hate staccato.
I hate staccato. I just stopped. Thank you, Bird. What a racist.
Anyway, you show me your... I'm not quite. Let's play the jingle for the charity shop showcase. It is the charity shop with the little showcase.
It's the one place where you can join yourself. Come and come. Come and come. Come to the charity shop.
Go check it out. I'm Jimmy Jim. I'm a rachie. Jimmy and I'm a rachie.
I'm a rachie. I'm a rachie. I'm a rachie. I'm a rachie.
I'm a rachie. I'm a rachie. I'm a rachie. And what is your first item?
We've got one each this week. What's Eli's first? Now, we have been, and myself especially, Paul, fans of the Tomita. Is it the full?
Well, just say to me. They're known as tome. So tome. Not being a prick.
I'm trying to be detailed. There's a company that makes toys in Japan. Known as tome in the West and tome to Japan. Tome to tomato.
Let's go the whole thing off. And they do toys and games. Yeah, and we have a collection. Well, I have a collection as well of some of their mechanical activity games like Scuba, Scramble, like Yarr, like...
Did they do the Kong thing? Yeah, they did Kong. Kong Man, which is a physical game where you try and get... It's like a...
People saw it on barchins. People know what it is. And also in recent years, we've been sent, I think, events sent us those... They do a series of cars.
Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. A pneudal car, not pneudal car. A cup noodle car.
And also Mr. Pootyface. It's the bomb face detective. Strange, strange thing.
I actually really like that. I love all of their stuff. And what are those series with oblong shaped... Oh, yeah.
I know what you mean with the watery. And they did a whole series in the... Oh, the pocket. Pocket ears.
Yeah, but they also did. I used to have those... We never caught them on the show because we've not had them. I was so...
I think they didn't want to go to YouTube and get to squirt it to get things at it. It was more like a flat rectangle. And I saw one that was Pac-Man. I had great big Pac-Man marks.
I remember that one. I'll remember that one. The Pac-Man's mouth opens with a ghost fly in. I just find that so fascinating where you've got a computer game, but then you're going back into a physical toy format.
You're taking that and same with similar with con man as well. Yeah. You're taking, well, I mean, that was ripping off the icon of the video game. It wasn't based on the video, it wasn't based on the video game.
They do also... They told me I think... released an LCD or LED. Like a fortune game thing.
Called Munchman. think that was Toby, it might have been grandstand either way. They've got a different history to set a company like Nintendo, but probably started in a very similar place. Probably, except it's like when Nintendo dovetailed into video games, they stuck with toys and gadgets and all sorts.
And they're still, they probably mostly known for making very young kids stuff now. Like the eggs, which I had two sets of, which are fantastic toys for a bit, basically a toddler or younger one. And the grown man in his late 40s decided to buy them from himself and withhold them from a child's joy. And very much what I've done with this item as well, Paul.
Yes, you have. What is this item? This is a little tomy toy and it is marked 1988. That's the other thing I love about the pocket is that they date their toys.
It's not pockety, it's tomy. No, but they also have them. Oh yeah, they date them. And they say it's a poor one.