Ep. 345: Is Premarital Sex Bad? [REMASTERED]

What is it like to change your mind on something you wrote a best seller on? Joshua Harris is the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a best-selling book in the late ’90s touting courtship as the superior way to find God’s perfect match for you & avoid the perils of sexual sin. It was a required read for many in the evangelical Christian community. In this episode, Josh shares how he changed his mind about the ideas in the book, how our sex lives & careers are connected, and the pros & cons of old-fashioned dating & sexism in the church. This episode originally aired October 10, 2022.If you liked this episode, you’ll also like episode 331: DISINTANGLING FAITH FROM RELIGIOUS TRAUMA [REMASTERED] Guests:https://www.instagram.com/harrisjosh/https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/clear-loud-with-josh-harris/id1612325690https://joshharris.com/ Sponsors: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/ https://www.historicpensacola.org/about-us/   00:00 — The purity culture starter pack00:51 — Why changing your mind is terrifying01:46 — When “cancel culture” becomes accountability03:29 — The theology behind courtship culture04:32 — The generation that tested the experiment05:42 — When church certainty started collapsing06:48 — Leaving the pastor role to question everything07:46 — Seminary made him leave ministry?09:33 — Does premarital sex actually help people choose better?10:54 — Why most churches still reject sexual freedom12:01 — “We got married quickly because we were horny”13:00 — How purity culture rewires your relationship with sex14:17 — The impossible expectations placed on women15:20 — Marrying in high school to avoid sex16:09 — Mourning the twenties purity culture stole17:04 — “That regret is real”18:11 — The heartbreak of choosing the wrong person19:00 — Why Joshua wishes he’d traveled and dated more19:53 — Learning to ask: “What do I actually want?”20:41 — The divorced ex-evangelical support group21:18 — Are any ideas from I Kissed Dating Goodbye still useful?22:06 — Tinder burnout and the return of courtship thinking23:01 — The real problem with modern dating23:52 — Freedom vs shame-based control24:43 — Women who thought tampons threatened purity25:36 — The “formula” women were sold for happiness26:41 — Parents trying to control teenage sexuality28:04 — The 1800s obsession with female ignorance29:15 — The history of prostitution and Christian morality30:26 — Why Joshua’s sexual inexperience gave him authority31:07 — Evangelicalism’s addiction to big movements31:56 — Why twenty-somethings think they can fix the world32:40 — How should we talk to kids about sex now?33:03 — Removing shame from sexuality33:54 — Sexual freedom also includes saying “that’s not for me”34:52 — Living with one less regret35:20 — Books and voices critiquing purity culture36:22 — Joshua’s pivot into podcasting and business36:34 — “We’re in the same club”36:41 — The accidental ex-purity culture reunion clubRequest to join my private Facebook Group, MFR Curious Insiders: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1BAt3bpwJC/Follow me in all the places:https://www.meredithforreal.com/  https://www.instagram.com/the_curiousintrovert/ [email protected]://www.youtube.com/meredithforreal https://www.facebook.com/curiousintrovert