Cheep Show Today is brought to you by Grackston Chemicals. Hello, Eli. How are you doing? Well, I'm doing the bit where I'm the guy from the Chemical Factory.
We're just being sponsored by them this week. Grackston Chemicals. No, I'm doing the bit. Oh, yeah?
Yeah, he talked to me on the phone after the give me this opportunity to talk about our great product line. OK, and let me just ask you a question to start. OK, let's just ask, put this question out to me. Out to you.
Do you have problems with groutage and and little pockets? We do have a build up of a life scale on our backups. And I'll pipe it. No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no. OK, it's purely troughs, spoutage, groutage and scrapers that we do. What about guttering? Oh, have you got a load of scrunched off mulch in a gutter?
Yeah. You got to come and deal with that. And your chemicals can deal with a build up of sludge and gunk and I got a new one. I'm very excited.
We haven't actually released it yet. Yeah. Gunk, spudder and it's get it off a chuff. I've just got it off a chuff.
Just visually so everyone knows what's going on. Oh, I'm just stroking my chin and shaking my head a little bit with that. That particular little bit of information. We start the fucking colour open again.
I'm actually a genuinely gee-life for the first time I've been doing an improvisation. We're doing so good. Let's see it through. Oh, and I've got a...
And I can assume all your chemicals are eco-friendly. Absolutely. They will take the environment and kill every single thing on it. Right.
That's from Newkal membranes. Gunvitch! No, I can't do it anymore. Let's tap out there.
It was well done all the same. They'll kill everything. Yes. Hello, Paul, I know you were gonna go to the credits now.
Okay. Fine, do it. I've got the thing, they wanted me to make sure I go into the credits saying Bratting By Grexlin, so contractually. Contractually?
No, again, I'm going to stroke my cheek and shake my head... Leave notes and that? Right. My notes and cheap show brought you by Grackston Chemicals.
They kill everything. Everything? Just press the fucking camera. I can't say that cos now it's in the theme itself.
And now I can do the intro again. Brought to you by Grackston Chemicals. Oh, bonooly. Grexlin, fucking credits.
We got our hand on. In Eli Silverman. We got Keep Showed. New sources and words for babies.
I was Montalport. Shop needs. Shop needs Bora. I hate you, you have the opposite.
Keep Showed to Number 9. It's the price of shine. Keep Showed to Number 9. Hello everybody, welcome to Keep Showed.
I'm Eli Silverman, that's Paul Ganennady. Hello over here sitting opposite Eli from across the room. I've written some words in my book. He's written some words in his book.
Oh by the way, Eli is in better Fettle today. Slightly better, but you can still hear that beside who? kind of Bonnie Tylerish kind of hang over to it. But you know what, better than it was, are you not hung over, are you?
I'm not currently hung over. And you know, your health is fine. It hasn't been good over the Christmas period. I've had really nasty bug.
It's been going around. A lot of people I've spoken to, Paul, have said it's been a really bad flu one this year. I don't know. You haven't had the flu.
No, I've just had basically runny tummy. Well, that's what winter vomiting. No, no vomiting. Yeah, but it goes, it's bum-hole vomit, isn't it?
Ainol vomit, as we heard. For some reason before we do the episode, we're trying to figure out if an album called Ainol Chaos was a real thing. It was a legit album from the 70s, because it had a cover that looked like an easy listening sort of lounge band. But it seems it's more like a friend.
It's a joke. Punk rock band, a Hulu spoof album, covers that are meant to look like classic albums from that. throbbing gristle, who are famous sort of art rock invented of industrial music, had some album with a jokey title like that, like the easy listening and no, the jazz funk stylings of in a word, a visual joke on album titling. Are they funnily enough for album band title?
What's very similar to what happened in my pants during that day in work? I would definitely say there was definitely a lot. If not too much, Ainol Chaos. I don't know why you keep going back to this.
I don't have nothing to give anymore. I'm not for the story about how you shake your stomach. And you know what, nearly happened this week as well. Really?
You know what, the phrase touching cloth has never been so prescient in my mind. Now, Paul, there's a little saying I've heard. It's just a big wet fart in the end. My brother-in-law has said to me, never trust a fart after 50.
Right? OK. And that's pretty self-explanatory. I mean, we're getting there.
You're nearly there. Oh, no. I wasn't going to listen. Every fart could be your last.
Yeah. I mean, not your final, but you know, like your last honest fart. No, you think about it. There will be stuff.
Everyone does have a last fart before they die, don't they? I bet some people fart after they die. Please have to interrupt now, because we have a loose end. Remember in the Walkabout episode, you went at Paul, my sister.
Blah, blah, blah on Instagram. Message something about a character. And you said, I'll fucking tell you the message. Yeah.
What was that? Because people were asking about it. And I can't remember the context now. You really want to go here.
But like, it's been like three weeks or something. Where you promised to... No, we may as well bring it up. Because some people were asking on Twitter, what was that comment?
It's just going to Facebook Messenger, which my sister uses. Right. Anyway, sorry. Why are you doing that?
Welcome to the cheap show. The Economy Comedy Podcast, where Eli and I go for the charity bins, party poppers and a squeegee art, I was not going to go for the party poppers, cheesy bins and quack shot. A lot of bins are cheesy, so... I literally don't know what my brain did then.
Cheesy bins. I literally can't remember the thing. I'll come up with cheesy bins. What would you do?
They'd go for the bargain bin, cherry shops. And Poundlands of Great Britain. I tasted a new blue cheese the other day. Yeah.
It was called Chaffney Mahabits. Just get on to your message. Chaffney Blue Vayner. Oh, a crunchy, chaffney Blue Vayner.
Ooh. Chaffney Blue Vayner. Right. Ainol Chaos.
Legal name for Precom John is before orgasm Jonathan. Laugh emoji. I'm regret bringing that up now. You weren't.
I thought there was going to be a stoop point, mate. I guess I understand. Yes. It doesn't have a ring to it.
Say it again. Say it again. Now that I know what's coming. Say it again.
Legal name for Precom John is before orgasm Jonathan. I think it's the way before that ruins it. Or it doesn't Jonathan. You can make Ryan, but like...
You can only use the word Pre. Anyway, I was really changing it all. You know what? Take this step back.
I counted it with. Yeah. Yeah. But Precom John died at the wedding massacre.
Bring it back in. Yeah, folding it all in. And she says true. So that was the end of the...
You should fucking shut your mouth. Don't you fucking step into our garden because you will not be allowed. For all, orgasm Jonathan. Jesus Christ.
What was the other one you had? Shiny nub, like... Jeremy, what was your pick on John? What was the other one?
Jimmy Bill or something? Leaky Ken. Leaky Ken. And Granny Sprinkles.
Secure piping Kenneth. Yeah. Little... ...fill a bit...
...Garrels. Shiny... ...coinspoth. ...Johnny Boy.
You're doing your own thing. Right. ...Dremson. Squirt.
On this week's edition of the podcast, why are we're going to be doing a Paul's Pleasant Pass Times? It's not a Ganon's Golden Games. Why? I believe a Ganon's Golden Games should be something more...
...renowned. Like, it should be a clue, though. Or it should be a classic, ever-game game. So I'm sorry.
This is just a pass time. This is just a pass time. This is just a little bit of pocket. Pleasant Pass Time.
I hope it's a particularly pleasant pass time. Well, actually, I hope it's a particularly pleasant pass time. I said that. I've tried to have a word for before, particularly post.
Post, particularly, pleasant pass time, Paul. In Peronium. Please put your peepee. No.
Stop it. Stop it. I'm gonna stop it. I'm gonna stop it.
Put your peepee on my Peronium. I'm gonna stop from there. You're gonna stop. I'm gonna stop.
I'm gonna demand that you stop right now. Squirt it. I'm gonna put my foot there, Paul. Squirt it.
Because no one finds it at all comforting to hear you just squirt it in a high pitch voice. But now that I say it, squirt it in a high pitch voice, it's quite funny. I'm OK. I'm OK, everyone.
And what was the... We're gonna do a segment that we haven't done in a while. And because I've been trying to find the right story. You know, we do our dollop-like segments, and we do a little bit of history with a strange character from history.
Let me just explain. The dollop is a very popular American history comedy podcast from America. And also, we had one of the hosts about on our podcast before Christmas. Gareth Reynolds, who I'm sure absolutely didn't regret doing the episode.
I don't think he did. He was very nice and very lovely in the next day. And he gave me a hose badge. Oh, I've got one.
And that's all that matters. I found a badge every one of the other day. They had a little angel on it and said, caring. Oh, yeah.
I tried. Terrible badge. You can see why it was abandoned. And I tried to look up on the eBay's with the E.A.
Google ends. And it came up with only nothing. So we're gonna be doing a little bit of a history story today with a very interesting character. It's only a short one, but I thought, oh, let's do that.
What you did? I thought I'd written some funny words on a piece of paper. And he could just make it up, make it up. Just one of them was Lobster or something like that.
By the way, everyone, if you're a new listener, Tara Matasalata. Tara Matasalata. Tara Matasalata. Goodbye.
See, that is such an intro. That even though. Is it? Yeah.
Because that, I don't know. Let's set it up properly. Let's set it up. You know what?
I went and had some native tranium food last night. Did you? Yeah. I had a salad though.
I think that would disagree with me. And I puked the salad. And when I flushed it, I said, to ramasalata. Yeah, not fact.
I prefer my old one. I'll play that. I know how I can play the kebab shop owner. Is it kebab?
I went to a Turkish restaurant. Come into the kebab. Come into the kebab. No, no, no.
Let me just get out of the way. Now we set it all. I went to a Turkish restaurant, get something to eat and didn't feel great the next day. In fact, I fell off.
I fell off. I feel awful. I feel awful. I thought you were going to do the one I went to the kebab shop the other day.
I said, how much is that? They said 17 quid. I said, sheesh. Yeah, that's a good one.
Anyway, sheesh. Everyone. Actually, wow. This is not working for me.
I don't know. This is the straightest material we've done in a while that didn't involve a jackalet. So I'm going with it. I just said, P.P.
on the perineum. I think people take that as a jackalet. You said to me, if you're like a man on the street, it would have to come out like a shotgun. What if this came out like a shotgun?
That would be a jackalet. It doesn't make them that as a sad trickle. It comes out like little grains of shot. Yes.
In a big circle. It's called my spray zone. I call it the spray zone, Paul. Your shotgun.
You've got your penis and basically a shotgun that fires out the door. You have to load the chain. I mean, yours is definitely a sawn off shotgun. It's been cut at the tip.
Yeah, but it's from Asim and damage. Yes. It hasn't been... Let's end this now.
It hasn't been cut at the tip, by the way, though. Just right down the middle. What about these? Tales from the dance floor.
Oh, yeah. Let's go to these little tales of my dance floor, Ed. Go. I was DJing the night before...
Oh, no, it was the other night. It was great stuff. And... Yeah.
A young lady came up to the booth, Paul. Yeah. And she said, can you play Taylor Swift, please? Yeah, it's good, this.
And I said, no. I mean, what's your name? I mean, what's your name? What's your name?
You're telling your story. You're not, please. You're sure? Yeah.
All right, then just do your story then. Go on. That's it. That's that one.
All right, another one, though. Here we go. It's gonna take long. Don't watch...
Don't watch... I've got this little video on my show. Put your phone, put your phone down. Can you just be present?
This is your problem. You're eating into the time now. This is your problem. You say this podcast so important to you and everything, and you can't even be present with me in the room when I'm talking about my life.
Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on.
I see your phone in your hand there. I'm not gonna... It's not going down. It's just a state here, cos I have a joke in mind that I want to get through it.
So, here we go. Take your story. I was DJing the other night. Are you playing the blues, then?
No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't do that. I've got something a bit more on the nose, bit more... As the French say, obvious.
I was DJing at the discount suit company, and a lot of people came along at... And said to me, come on. I'm not gonna... If you don't tell the story, otherwise it's over.
I won't... I won't... I won't be... Take your story.
No. Come on, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Without the flog, get it out.
Come on, you like, take your story cos one of the time is up. We're moving on. And we're not. We're moving on.
This isn't funny. It's not funny. How can I tell my story when you're doing this? A good story, Talakad.
I will not be put under this... Boo! Right, so... This isn't fucking battle stories on the show.
No, you had your time. Anyway, so this... People came up to me and said, oh, it's really good. You're doing really good.
It's really good. It's really good DJ. They said, well, just hang on. Can't do any more of this segment.
Hang on. I've heard myself on so many episodes in the past doing the same material. And they said, two of these people... ..is the same story again.
It always is... It's not. This is a different story. This is like Tarim Arslater.
No, this is more of a discussion point. Tantana. These are V, the craft of DJing. Right.
So, and they say to me, oh, that's really good. Where can I find a playlist online from you? Do you do what? No, the people do what?
They must. But what's the point of that? Because that's like, how does that help me as a performer DJ? Because you would just have all the tunes then.
Until I give you the playlist, my playlist. Oh, those tunes that you play. Great. I've got them now.
I don't need a DJ anymore. Do you know what I'm saying? What's your opinion on that? That's my question.
Who was the person who asked you? The song who owned the venue? No, it's the punter. Who was really enjoyed the music.
And then I guess it doesn't really matter. Because all they want to do is go, oh, I like your music. I want to investigate those songs you played. I'll go through them online on Spotify and discover them for myself.
Yes. But how does that help me? How does that help my career? Does it not help you?
The thing is, they probably don't go out very often to the Blues Kitchen in general. I'm going to come in as much more of an intimate venue. And I play a lot more of what I want. I'm not trying to keep everyone in the venue.
This also proves my point. Because that person who goes to the discount suits company probably doesn't go out a lot or probably doesn't go there a lot. So when they heard that music from you, it was kind of like, oh, I don't hear this, whatever this is. Yes, I know.
I take the compliment and it's nice that I'm opening people's ears. But it just seems funny to me that then after that interaction, I go, here's my playlist on Spotify. They just have all that music. But then they just have access to that whole thing.
So my craft in creating, finding, and then playing it is completely gone. It's all the way to the game tonight. It's not affecting your business model. This is what I'm trying to say.
It's a weird thing. And it's something that DJs never had to deal with. And DJs have, of course, it would just be much more protective of the records they had. You couldn't get those records with it.
And they scrub out the titles and so forth. So people couldn't find out what they were. But now we are the complete opposite. Where I just go, here's the digital content of my whole crate.
You've got my whole collection. I don't think they're saying, can you create a playlist? I say, you create a music playlist. That's what I'm saying.
I thought you were just like a list of the titles. Like, well, you just write down. No, because with these apps, you can play the playlist on Spotify. If you got it, OK.
I share that's what they mean. That's how they say what you're saying. I still don't think it matters because it's a completely different. I don't know what the word.
That business and your DJ work is like poles apart in terms of people to engage in music. You're there in the live moments. I know for people who randomly go to those pulls. I know.
It's interesting that doing the same thing, playing records in a bar, essentially, has changed from something where you'd be protective of giving away the records you had, to where you just share it completely with the first person, honestly. I don't know what you mean. Yeah. But I guess that all depends on how rare that track is, because it might not be on Spotify.
I just don't do that. It's a live vinyl set that I do. Yeah, I mean, I ultimately don't care. Let's move on.
Let's move on. Thank you for giving me that moment to express that. Do it. Do it.
Ooh. But it's time for Paul's page turners. Yes. And it's a bit of a dollar-pea, knockoff thing.
We did the past, like we did the Collier's Mansion. We did John Mergots, Megat, Maggie, all those kind of ones. I thought we did it all here because it's a while ago. And I think we've used this book before because I've got two of them.
One's called like, The World's Greatest Millionaires or Losers or something like that. And this one is The World's Greatest Crooks and Conmen and other mischievous mal-factors. Millionaires and Mises. Either way, so this book is full of, hoax of swindlers, shards in the scallywags, downders, scams, thieves, lies, cheats, rascals, fiddlers, frauds, robbers, rogues, adventurers, forgers and other mischievous makers.
And published by Octopus, who I've never heard. And in print, no, I remember seeing these books in the 80s, in WH Smith, in Brent Cross. Yeah. They've got a very, it's a hard act.
I like that. But they've got a very distinctive graphic design style on the cover, don't they? Yeah. It's just all lettering.
But it is with the red title above the black findy. So Nigel Blundell as a guy who put this together, he's a fleet street journalist who circled the world collecting many of the bizarre stories presented in this book. Because this was before he was gone on the internet and go to Wikipedia and type in a name and go, oh, someone's in the hard work for me. Yeah.
But I bet he was like, you know, he pints on Fleet Street after one o'clock in the afternoon. Well, this is why, because I think we've picked a story from one of these books before, because some of these are really long kind of breakdowns of like, for instance, in this, they talk about, you know, Eva Peron, Evita, that whole character in her history. And then there's one or two, I was going through some of big stories, big sort of, yeah. And some of these are also really interesting stories.
But then I realized, oh shit, the dollop did this. Like some of them, they actually did. Yeah, the American ones. I remember that dollop and that's a good dollop.
So like, why would we do that story? I found a short one. It's only a short one, like a page, page and a bit. But it does lead on to something I found on the internet, which is very interesting.
And this is about a guy called Louis T Stone. Have you ever heard of him? I have not heard that name, Paul. In America, he's got a bit of a reputation.
I'm just going to go ahead and read this part of the book. And Eli, please jump in with thought just as and when they come to you. OK, hopefully humorous ones. That will allow you for this potentially stuffy moment.
All right, so I need you to, uh, all right. If you make comedy boots on, I'll show you happen. I said that PPP or names. Yeah, it's one of your best work.
There's all these little box outs as well throughout the book. I might pick one or two out of these like swash, buckling, screen actor, Douglas Fairbanks, senior, notorious womanizer and great boozer and boozer. And it says here a great hoaxer, which means he sounds like a cunt. Doesn't he?
Someone described as a boozer woman. I've been a hoaxer. He just like prick. Yes, he had a special chair, electrically wired to give mild electric shocks to anyone who sat in it, but he came on stock once when a female fan sat in the chair.
He applied the current, but she showed no reaction when he asked if he was feeling all right. She explained, I thought one always felt like this when meeting a wonderful movie star like you, Mr. Fairbanks. When I'm around with people, I get a massive electric shock in my family.
Perhaps she just never had. She thought that's what happens. Yeah. Lightning Fanny.
Yeah. She's like, sit down, my dear. Oh, that must be your. It's your charisma.
Yeah. Creeping up in a jolt up my delicate lady area. I'd like you to use the scientific words. I mean, you say delicate, but her stands a bit numb.
Perhaps it's numb from years of electrical fanny of years. Maybe her whole house is just why the electrical chair is why it happens. Thanks. Maybe she's a fried omelet of a fanny.
Oh, right. Fuck me. Here we go, Mr. Silverman.
Sorry. It's what I'm just going to be the verbatim who will buy a tall story. OK, so this is the guy. Sorry, who?
Louis T. Stone. Yeah. T.
Stone has like a stone made of tea. No, his name is the Louis the Stone. That's his name. Hey, everybody.
I'm the star. I'm going to get down, baby. And show me. I'm going to wrap it in the morning and I'm going to be T.
Staring. I'm for the right. I'm Johnny the Rock and I'm hard as hell. I'm coming out round to your hotel and I'm going to take my dick out and and spell it off the wall.
I'm spunky, rocky or. Hello, everybody. I'm Bob Eek, pebble. I like put my dick in.
Oh, you've got yourself in a little corner there. Gerbil. Yeah, I fuck Gerbil's. I fuck Gerbil's one, two, three, four, five.
All right. Right. So anyway, we've got some. So what's his middle name?
We don't know. It's the initial T. Is that what you're saying? There's a little web page I can go to right now.
I mean, it's not in the water. No, I think it might be Theodore. Timothy. That's a good one.
Timothy. Timothy. Oh, what have we done? He's singing the song by.
I can't remember. He's the guy who did. He's the guy who did. No, but quickly, he's the guy who did.
Oh, the guy who wrote Co-Pecolade. Peanut Colardis song. Yeah. Rupert Holmes.
Rupert Holmes. Thank you. And you banned a song called Timothy about cannibalism in a mining disaster. Yes.
Thank you, everybody. Back to the show. Right. So do you know those one, two paragraph items in the front of newspapers are known as fillers in the trade.
Those little box outs. Similar to what he's on in his own book. Right? Those small little stories.
Oh, yeah. They call them fillers, right? And you get them in magazines as well, where you get a sort of salacious quote. But those are the same thing.
No, well, no, not really. These are like the stories they use to fill out a page. The short stories like Man Finds Box in alleyway with Wigs in. Oh, oh, no, tell me more about that.
I found the box with Wigs in. Yeah, what's the smell of their old disco wigs? And they must eat. Some they say.
Sponk say. Sank it. Right? Is that what you want?
Yeah. Christ. I once spoke saying, I once said, no, over the years, they have become something of an art form to journalists versed in the craft of cliche, brevity and deadpan humour. Often, to serve these overriding interests, strict truth, has come off second best.
So what they're saying is, at a certain point, it didn't fucking matter what you put on those as long as they filled out a newspaper page. And the rest of the package. And funny enough, you look at the knock on spinoff they do past times. It's all about basically those kind of small stories.
Yes. The most famous, most imaginative, and certainly most audacious of these filler writers was a guy called Louis Timothy Stone from Winstead, Connecticut. His career started in 1895 up until his death in 1933. And his whole job consisted of being a paid liar.
That's it. He just made stuff up. Yeah. Well, I mean, we'll get into it now, I guess, a little bit more.
It all began when he was working as a young cub reporter and needed $150. We don't know why. Maybe he just wanted money. I don't know what a reporter was.
I don't think you need to explain someone needing money, Paul, as part of the story. I mean, everyone's with that. We all live in this world. We all know.
Some people will understand a need for the money. Even the rich people probably understand in their money. They don't understand in their hearts, do they? Money, money, money, money.
Name the group. Name the group. No. And record label.
No. It's the OJ's on the Sanne Philadelphia everybody. I hope that gets you a job, right? Next one.
I don't know why I'm saying next one. I'm just reading the story. OJ's everybody. What he actually needed was a story he could sell to a big city paper.
Since there was of the story, he decided to invent one. He filled out an account of a wild man of Connecticut who roamed through the forests without ever being caught. The story attracted the attention of the New York editors, but was quickly spotted as a hoax. Stonehartha had learned a lesson that was to serve him well for the next 38 years.
So he built this whole thing about a man who lived in the woods in Connecticut and was a myth that built around them before they could spot the hoax. It was already out of the bag. But how did they, I wonder? I mean, they probably went, well, this story thinks of made up shit for whatever.
But then it already taken hold. Yeah, that whole thing. That whole thing. I'll think of it as a lie get around the world before the truth gets its shoes on.
It's that whole thing. It's pants. Or it's pants. But what if the truth is looking around and it's done a sniff test on all the possible pants?
And then it can't. And it's like, this one's a bit pissy. This one's a lie. I kind of had to tune up and for a minute.
I came back in for you talking about pissy pants. I was trying to figure out how we got there. The truth's not dirty underwear. I think that works on so many levels.
This all the website here says that the New York Times stories sent journalists out to Connecticut to confirm the story. Oh, and they found nothing. And they printed it. Well, we need to back this up.
Oh, it's all made up. Ah, bollocks. And he was on to the next story. I mean, I can understand, though, it's quite good.
I had to clever first lie from our Timothy Stone character. Because he could have gone all out. Couldn't he go, oh, I saw a giant elephant with a clown sight in the woods. Yeah, no one's like that.
No one's. No, no. Maybe he did try a few. But then he'd run out of papers.
They'd see coming. Or maybe some guy walks in right after Louis T. Stone and went, I've got some amazing stuff. I saw this elephant.
He'd really seen what this one was like, make what not happening. I know. A lot of probably a lot of amazing things have been ignored by the skeptical, the newspapermen. I have seen with my own eyes a man in town named Samuel who has such trouble with flies putting around his bald head that he decided to paint a spider up there.
And that sure did scare all them dog gone flies away. This is like a cartoon. This is that's another story he files. That is so cartoony.
What a spider on his head. It's not who drew a scare spider on his head for the flies. He's going to paint an angry face and stand in the field and scare the crows off. I don't quite see how you find that.
That's stupid. I could do it on my knob. Do you have a lot of flights around? No, I could do a little air freshener.
What, like a pine? And then it would scare the smells or dangling. Well, then this isn't you making something up. This is you actually hanging a room for air freshener.
No, I would never do a real room freshener down there. Why not a rash or something? No, there's grass and chemicals, mate. It's the best chemicals in the world.