It's coming up to the top of the hour, and you're listening to CheapShow FM. It's Bruiser and the Randy Dog and Bruiser, and that's the Randy Dog and Randy Dog, watch your message for the day. Oh, I came... So, join us back here tomorrow for another three hours of wacky hijinks of Bruiser and the angry dog.
Anyway, we're coming up to the top of the hour and afterwards we'll be armed out, Randy Dog. Call me Angry Dog. What do you find? What do you find?
Call me the Angry Dog. Randy! Alright, fucking fuck worth it. Anyway, right.
I'm fashion! Coming up at the top of the hour, we have our cheap show, Platter Special, but until then, when I sit back and relax to Noiseland and the cheap show theme. Harrow? Best fucking credit.
All garrow, in the last silver book. Welcome to Cheap Show. It's sources and word of bridges, these things I'm responsible for. I'm shopping boroth.
I hate you, I've got the news of coffee. Cheap show to the other night. It's the price of shine. Cheap show to the other.
It's a cheap show. Yes, that was Noiseland, and the cheap show theme, available on cheap show records. You can get that right now. Great, great record, and is it Blue Monday?
Is this Blue Monday? Yes, it rhymes. At least I got to the second rhyme there. So you're not so much the poet laureate as the poor glorious.
Oh, yeah, we've done that before. If we haven't, then I will clever back then. OK, either way, hello, I'm the poet. How do you do it?
Why does meat, I don't understand. Why does that make me? What does a laureate mean? What does a laureate mean?
What is a laureate? Someone who's received a laurel. So if a poet laureate will be what? It's some kind of stupid, eristo bullshit, isn't it?
I'm going to look it up. The poet laureate is the king's poet. The monarch's poet. OK, says it, according to...
LAUGHTER A couple of the dictionary, it says, a laureate is a person honored for achievement in an art or science. Someone who's a chief writer. This is a pork. I could be.
You could have received pork out. If we want to go wanky, if we want to go wanky... I'll be like, just for the record, you know I do. The pork shuffle laurel.
The pork shuffle. The pork scratching. I like the simplicity of just pork laurel. It's Truncheon Laurel.
Look, get it off points. The point is, is that hello, won't the chief show? The speaking pork tube. It is the economy comedy podcast.
Eli and I go for the bargain binge charity shops and panel lands of this country and bring you back the treasure we find amongst the trashing. Yes, it is a music stroke platter special today, four tracks to get through. And boy, Ali, have we got some ripticulos for you. We like to cover novelty records.
All at night, we got a gamut. Gamut. Gamut. And Eli, the pork laurel.
There's a trombone. Oh, you've done a trombone. Yes, there's a trombone of different flavoured morsels for your ears, ear morsels, or as I call them, auditory bitbots. No, mate.
Just no to that. Do this show anymore, Paul. I can't do this show anymore. Everything I say is about audio durbs.
I'm liking that. Do you see what I mean? What's good? What's the word for finger food?
What is it? Volovons. Volovons is the finger food. Can I?
Can I paste? Can I paste? Yeah. Can I paste?
If you want to? You're not working for me. I'm working for that cost. Can I pay?
I'd like to. I know. We got it. I just worked on this.
Talking to the mic, not to the side of it, because there's not a microphone there. I said, it's weird how your mic technique gets better and worse over time. I feel like I'm not doing well. I feel like I'm not doing well this week.
So I wanted it to be better this week. Let Daddy Ganon hold you in his loving arms. You're not? No.
It's comedy cradle. You're an isolationist. It's comedy cradle. And sleep on my arm.
Can I come in? Ganon's comedy cradle. I mean, it's a tight cradle. I like you to make a cradle with the ears of your...
I'm just doing the roll with my hands along. I can't. I'm not as good as I used to be. No, you've not.
I've been saying this for years. But then how can I return to the witty... I don't know. If you're listening at home and you can recommend how you like it, be funnier, please write a letter and send it to your PO box.
Can't even make you laugh anymore. Heble, mill it one. No, you don't, do you? Yeah.
Right. Good night, everyone. We're over. Tell us from the dance world.
Tell us from the dance world. No, you've assured me, this is very different from the norm. In a way, this is the opposite of the norm. Alright, so here's what I'm going to say.
If at any point in this story, it gets too familiar. I'm just going to stop the recording. Just let me say the story. Just let me say the story.
Stop the recording. Please, no, because it starts in a familiar way, but then the ending is not familiar to you, OK? Right. So you have to give it some leeway to sound familiar at first, all right?
Have we got an agreement there? Yeah. Tell us from the dance floor. Watch your tells from the dance floor.
This week. I am DJing. And a young lady gets off the stage. No, no, I told you were going to be familiar at first.
You have to give it a chance. And the lady comes over, the young lady comes over to the text stage. I don't know. How tall was she?
She was about my height. Three foot two. Can you just let me tell the story without having a go? No.
I'm five foot one. Oh, yeah. Something like that. Yeah, something.
I overvived one, actually. Yeah, I'm in short. Big deal. What are you going to do about it?
What are you going to say about that? How big is she? She was about my height. But she wasn't at all purrs.
I don't want to make sure this is real. I'm not making this up. I'm not making it up, Paul. There she goes.
Oh, I was going to ask you to play this song. Right. That's the tells from the dance floor, everybody. Wait, no, I've I missed something?
She comes up to and says, she had a request, but then she realized that the song I was actually playing was the song she was going to ask me to play. Right. How good am I at reading the room? I literally, the person has the idea to ask for the song.
And then that song, that song, that very song. This is actually worse than a normal story. Right. Because it's a negative nothing of wank.
It's not a negative nothing of wank. It's a negative nothing. It's a positive. It's a good story.
It's a good story about a human connection I made in the course of my life. He did. I reached out and touched someone emotionally. Did you?
I want to make that clear. There was no touching. What was the song? Rumors, Fleetwood Mac was on.
No, it was. That's not a song. And it was the whole song called Rumors. It isn't a song called Rumors.
It is. Rumors, Rumors, Rumors, Rumors. That shows you know nothing. Everyone at home is thinking Fleetwood Mac.
People doesn't like Fleetwood Mac. I hate you Fleetwood Mac. Fleetwood Mac. Rumors, Fleetwood Mac.
Oh, maybe there was a song on the Rumors album called Rumors. I don't know. I'm not interested. You can go your own way, mate, if you want.
The song, I was down to start this shit. You never break the chain with that actually. Oh, there we go. How many other fucking E like that is all?
That is all? What's the other one? You know what? I feel it in my fingers.
I did that. What did they? I feel it in my toes. I feel like this segment has become an albatross around my head.
Well, you fucking invented it. And you keep bringing it in. No, you didn't spot that one, did you? Yeah.
Do-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni. You didn't know there was a song called Albatross, by Fleetwood Mac. Did you just admit it? Yeah, it's everywhere.
Fuck. Is that...? Yeah, you've made a show of branch papers on. Right, shut up.
The song I was playing, everybody. Was everybody. No. Everybody.
Yeah. Shut my back, eh? Back, street. Alright.
I got a pooping. HE LAUGHS Everybody. Yeah. I did a pooping.
Yeah. Everybody. Don't forget to wipe your backside! The backside boys!
Well that's a different band! Everybody! I'm trying to poop! Oh my god, I shot again!
Right, the song was... Your love keeps lifting me higher and higher. Jackie Wilson. Right, anyway, welcome to Cheap Show.
We're going to continue now by playing some songs. All of you are saying, why does that break you? This just made me laugh so much. I'm sorry, I feel as well.
My voice has not... Has not come back. Has it come back? Listen, you've already come to my mentoring at this moment.
It's a little moment. You're dissembling yourself. Reassemble your faculties. Oh my god, I shot again!
We got sunshine, water raining. Welcome to Silverman's Platters. And we've got four great platters for you. And we'll be testing them and listening to them.
And we'll tell you. What will we tell you, Paul? We'll be telling you what four tracks they are today. They're four tracks I never own.
That's what trackbot. I'm trackbot. The AI track picking machine. They'll do their dark eyes.
I'm the granny dog. We've all done the run. I want to do the real dog show. I want to do dating the Randy Dog in here.
I want to disable... Let me tell you, has trackbot got come-proof circuits? Yes, dog come-proof circuits. Really?
He's shorted out with a hot and fusion of dog come. He's the exhaust pipe. No, he's fully-prepared. They're very Randy Dog and they've measured the Guinness World Book of Records.
Measured a dog's load. Yeah, and he's got because he's a fucking horny dog. There might be a record here. I think the horny dog has proved himself to be a problematic granny dog.
Haulley Randy, it's all problematic. It's all a wands and a ten-minute name. They're not gallant, jugs. They thought literally he was trying to drag behind him two big basketballs.
They are huge. He's back to actually lead to the ground, do they? And so trackbot is in trouble if he steps out of line. That's what I'm saying.
I'm threatening you. I am trackbot. OK, trackbot here. I'm threatening you with dog good domination.
It's not good, is it? It's not good, is it? It's not good, is it? It's not good, is it?
It's not good, is it? It's not good, it's not good, is it? A robot like people out, any track you want from history. I am trackbot.
OK, let's start, let's pick it. Right, go on. Hello. Welcome to Silverman's Platters.
It's all about platters. Do they matter? Or is it splatter? Now, joining me today, he's the little robot who's got all the knowledge in the world.
He knows all about tracks and he's got access to computer information of all the different songs ever done. It's trackbot. Hello, I am trackbot. Well, trackbot, what have you been listening to today?
This week I have the last year the Angator, XDC, and BlackLice. I am trackbot, the AIbot pick tracker. Trackbot, BlackLice, I haven't heard of them. Is that a punk group?
Yes. OK, good. I'm going to be on the same trackbot now. Yes, he needed Otz, Doggius, Infusions.
He didn't fucking need a Hot Track. By and true, Radio character, the Randy Dog. How many appearances is the Randy Dog mate? At least one other one, apart from this.
Yes, every character has his first episode. I am trackbot. Trackbot's created by a whole listenership. He's not in messages in life.
A trackbot's lame. It says, oh, bunny girl 62. Trackbot is broken hearted. What am I going to do now?
You need to recharge your battery's trackbot. Go in the little child. You just not do the voice and carry on with this fucking segment. I'm enjoying it.
Oh, yeah. I get mixed messages from you. You're such a fucking comedy cock tease. Ooh.
I am trackbot. Get in the carbidog trackbot. Trackbot fitting carbard. Now trackbot, I know you can do in your fetch.
I'm not going to fetch. No, that's a... That's a Randy Dog. He does nothing but fetching.
He's got a wound. He keeps fetching all the time. He's like, I'm going to his room and it looks like someone's got a golden water sprinkler in there. He's got a root.
He's got his own fucking room, Randy Dog. I walked in the other day and he's like... It's like a garden sprayer. He's spraying it out across the rug.
It's like a fucking jingle. I bought that rug for 45 pound. Now it's matted. Matted in dog fetch.
And it's just what? I want that dog out. Oh, he's gone. There's no trackbot.
Trackbot's gone as well. OK, now what for? But we need to explore... Four minutes.
Have you gone on less than nothing? I was trying to explain the segment of Silverman's Platters and what the process will be listening to four records. Four records. And we'll be going through it by ourselves.
We'll be going through a judgement process after each track. Right. And what will that judgement process be for? Whether it is a platter, which means, hey, this could be listened to outside of the content of its novelty.
Or splatter. It's a big old bag of wank and you don't... You've already heard enough of it. OK, what have we got to look forward to coming up on this week's...
I'll say that again. No. I'll say that one more time. I will say it one more time.
I will say it one more time. Don't get your hands off the fucking flaps, man. You demon flapper. Flapper.
I'm not the flapper. Here comes the flapper. Birderer! He's a cardboard box destroyer.
Murder, excuse me, Mr Silverman. I didn't touch your fucking box. It's not my box. Anyway, a little behind the scenes there, everyone.
There's a box that has been accused of tearing robots. These flaps. We will be judging each of these records. That's all I want to say.
What will the platters will be listening to today? What are they, Paul? Oh, well, flip, flip, flip and fly me. We have got four tracks today.
Track one will be. You've got to be a hustler if you want to get on by Sue Wilkinson. Followed by, what's it fucking called? The Lone Ranger, Quantum Jump.
Then, why? It's a return to my favourite comedy double act of the 80s. Why it's canon and ball with a song called Don't Let Your Brace Is Dangle. And finally, Kate Kestrel with a song called SOS.
Paul, Kate Kestrel will tell you later on, Chief Show. Oh, I'm looking forward to all of those, Paul. It's all right, what? So I'm going to start with Sue, aren't we?
Yeah. So, ladies and gentlemen, to get this Silverman's Platter special edition of Chief Show on the road, ding ding. Here comes the boss. The segment boss.
You ever do that again. It's not a segment boss. It's a skill to be served. Where would you like to go today on the segment boss?
How many drivers have we had? I am a driver. I'm a driver. I'm a driver.
No, it's a meltdown. It's a meltdown. I am. It's killing me.
Oh, my God, I shut together. Oh, God, it's getting all the money's worth out of this. Okay. Right, we're going to start with this.
It is. You've got to be a hustler if you want to get on by Sue Wilkinson. And, hey, Ho, nonnie, no. It sounds like this.
Yeah. I remember Sally from Number 4. She was her boys, during a bit her girl. She wasn't so good looking, but she's such fun.
All I had, Mum. I asked my Mum how come. Mother said Sally was loose and cheap and girls like that ended up on the street, not like me. I was good, you see?
No, I saw Sally on the telly the day. She's a lady now in every way. So don't reach though. They told me she's a bitch.
But lovers by the score. Do I have to tell you more? Oh. You've got to be a hustler if you want to get on.
Principal's going to hold you back. The only one making it all women who are taking it will hang in the sack. Got the back in the sack. You've got to be a hustler if you want to make a name.
Being good can only get your heart. Just the tea and such and never put on the same. They may well always crave a cunning flood. When you read the newspapers every day, there's always some huzzy that's having her way.
But they didn't have the same as Jimmy's as her name. Right, so I think I found this in an all aboard charity shop. A little while ago. Yeah.
The label is Cheapskate Records. Which is why I drew my attention for it. I was like, oh Cheapskate, I wanted to know what Cheapskate had done. Are they reasonably well known?
I saw something else on that label the other day. So they're not, um, come on up. Okay, so yeah, so yeah. Record label established by slave basis, Jim Lee.
Ah, that's interesting, isn't it? Because the drum is on that track we just listened to. Is Slade's Drumner? Yeah, well I'll get back to that a bit.
It was started in 1979 and activated into 82. And it was revived briefly in 87 to 88, just to release three Slade singles. Okay, as well as like a Slade label. It was like a Slade version of Apple, I guess.
Yeah, but they didn't have sort of minor hits, didn't they? With their 80s stuff. A few, you see a few desperate attempts on early, like, Saturday morning superstore and whatever, then doing their thing, but it was, it was passed for them. Even like, see, like now, what was it like, nine or 10 with a Slade on?
And that's like, 87. Yeah, they're releasing Slade new Slade singles as late as 87. They also had on the label, The Dummies, The Scar Dows, Roy Wood, Titch Turner's Escalator. Have you ever heard of Titch Turner's Escalator?
I never have. Malcolm Roberts, Top Secret and The Glitter Band. Okay, so very much from the glam era. Yeah, those artists Roy Wood, of course, was the brains behind Wizard.
Yeah, the three songs behind the Slade release were, You Boys Make Big Noise, which got to 94. It also sounds like a horrible British porn film. It only got to 94, wow. We won't give in, which sadly got to 21 in the UK charts.
And Let's Dance, which didn't chart. Anyway, let's get back to the back of the matter in hand. Sue Wilkinson, singer. She was a British singer-songwriter born in 1943, died January 2005.
This song we just listened to was here, Soul hit on the UK singles chart. And it reached number 25. Do you think this falls into the category of novelty? It's comic.
It's meant to be comic, right? It's a weird song with a weird message, which is if you want to be a successful woman, take as much dick as you can and then reap the benefits at the back end. Yeah, which is a strange message to have. Don't know if it's a pro feminist message, Paul.
It feels more like an innocent, like a naive character, telling a story about all these famous women. They're rich and successful and all they had to do was just fucking hustle their bottle a bit. Yeah, and we were in the house of Pickles earlier today, Paul. And we were trying to see for the sake of efficacy and time if these records are available online.
So we can just listen to them without whipping out the vinyl. Whipping out the old turntable and so forth. But I listened to this the other day in my own time. Yeah.
And I listened, you know, took it in. And then there was a distinct difference in the lyrics and the version that we listened to on YouTube music today. Yes, the version you just heard just then is the straight from the vinyl pressing version, which has a word bitch, which replaced with which, and then the line at the end of the course, which says something to the effect of in the original version, you know, women go far if they just lie back and take some action. They're good in a sack and take it lying on their back, essentially.
Whereas the edited version says leave their morals on the mat, which is kind of a clever translation into a safer version, isn't it? And it gives me the impression that we don't know, because we couldn't find this information, but it makes me feel like she may have been asked to clean it up somewhat for the top of the pops, because it was on top of the pops, wasn't it? Yeah, there's a few pictures of it on top of the pops. And again, it was the only one that chartered.
She was also an actress and model known as Sue England in the UK. And her autobiography is called A Bimbo or something. Reflections of a recovering Bimbo, probably since 2002. But that seems to refer to the message from, you've got to be a hustler if you want to get on.
Yeah. But remember, when did this sum come out? 80? 1980?
1980. So when was Dallas and that, you know, power, you're pretty much later, right? Oh, you mean power dressing for women in that sort of 80s feminism? Dynasty, Dallas, you know, that whole idea of like mean women getting what they want, blah, blah, blah.
Power, acting like men are saying this again. Kind of. But the moral difference there being is that culturally men who fuck about it seem as power, blah, blah, blah. It's got a strange message if it is a message.
But I think you're right, it's more like written from the... The character's point of view. The character, like a vignette sort of starts on. There's like someone telling her how a woman should act, and then there's an example that she's seeing in the song that proves otherwise.
It is competently, the rhyme structure and everything has a sort of... It just doesn't really pop it to me. It doesn't make of anything that you would put on and play. It sounds like something taken from a musical.
Yeah, it does have a tin pan alley sort of vibe to it. It's like maybe you could get away with that song in the 60s a little bit, because you can almost imagine... And she's... Anthony Eulie.
Kind of doing it. That's it. And her delivery is very sort of old-school, British-ish. Cliffs and British.
Yeah, it's actually... Because I think she's performing that as that naive character. That almost innocent hatey-mills kind of Britishness. Makes sense, Paul.
The B-Sarvideat mention. Which was shit. There we go, we've mentioned it. No, what's it called?
It's called Double Dealing Day, and it's a country in West India. Now, that's very unmemorable, but it is in a country style, has a sort of slag guitar on it. Interestingly, from her autobiography, Paul, we know that she moved to Nashville, right? It says here, yeah.
She later moved to Nashville, but had sex out... Sex? Had sex. Fuck me.
Fuck me. Dr. Freud. Dr.
Freud. Cheese bins. Right. She went to Nashville, and had success as a jingle as writer.
So that she must have her ear for the country sound. But it's the weird thing, though. One album came out in 1980 called Looking for Cover, on the Hustler label in UK. I didn't know.
Is that Hustler's in the sex magazine? No. Did they have a record label? I don't know.
The point I was trying to make, sorry, was his second album was only released on MP3 in 2001, and it's called Hot Tea Mood Swings on the Timeville label in USA. So maybe it's a collection of all their jingles? Possibly, yeah, but she died a year later. A couple of years later.
2005. And she was a DJ for a while on a radio station called Raiders FM. But there's not much on about her, really. That's kind of it.
It feels like she moved away to America, and she was a songwriter as well, but there's not much here about the songs she's written. Jingle's can be very lucrative. So, I mean, oh, god, yeah. Yeah, you can have a good life if you're a big one.
Big man jingle writer. So there we go. She did co-pen all the few songs. There's a song out there called Victim of the Planets.
Don't know what it sounds like. Couldn't find on YouTube or stuff. How could you be victim of the planet? If gravitational pulls affect you weirdly.
Ooh, I'm swollen. Oh, tender. That tender, swollen. Oh, Pluto.
Pluto. Pluto. That's not a planet, though, is it? So let's do it.
That's why it's out of alignment. No, I'll come in. I'll come in again. Yeah.
I don't know if you were in anywhere in the first place. This is a character. It's a... Oh, it's Doctor's Office.
Oh, sit down, Mr. Silverman. What's wrong with this? It's a tender...
What is? Like, Gona is a fucking... Whoa! Like...
Sorry, can you explain the more detail of what you're going at? When Jupiter is ascending in the sky. Yes. Why not?
It's cold, tight and shrieking up, like raisins in a balloon. I know what the problem is, sir. You've got Astroitis. You're going to need to take two asteroids every day for four years.
Two asteroids. Two asteroids. Where do I get these? You can go to Spaceland, where they sell all space items.
Like asteroids, large, huge, floating pieces of rock and metal. Yes. Well, you can buy a chippewing there. If you just take a chippewing there.
Not a whole one. Just a chippewter. You've got a whole one. I hate this fucking sketch.
Right. So... You can balls are affected by the planet, Eli. Ah-ha-ha!
Sorry, anyway. I'm trying to get back into the comedy mindset. Good. For trying.
I want to say one more thing about a slave drummer. Yeah. Oh, you do. Say it.
Is that the same guy who played drums? He's the guy who started the label. Cheap Snake Records. No.
The answer is Don Powell was the drummer, but he had no involvement with the record according to the Wikipedia on the label, which said it was Jim Lee and his brother, frankly. Who were both enslaved with it? Well, Jim Lee was the bassist, but he was the brother. OK, but he probably knew the guy, the drummer guy, and said, you want to...
Look, I've got this record. Play your drums on this fucking weird song about a woman who's got a thing. Did a session job. Didn't do a bad job.
No, but it's well made and put together sonically. You can't really take it through. Well, juiced enough, isn't it? She does sort of spoken word bits.
Yeah. And it's like you don't lose any of it. It's all near here, very clearly. It's almost, almost new wavy.
Almost. It's on that. Yeah. You know what I mean?
It reminds me of that, like, those updated versions of sort of girl group. Like that shopping. Oh, yeah. Posh voice.
The woman he did. That was an 80s song. What was that? That was that whole album, which is all about brands and things.
We talked about the past. I can't remember. I feel like that's sort of as well. Anyway, splatter or platter?
For me, it's a splatter. It's a splatter for me as well. It's fine, but it don't ring the bells in my brain. Funnily enough, that is a song title that could have been a 70s funk record from America.
I thought it was going to be a disco hit or something. Could have been a funk disco thing. And also could have been from the G-funk era. Like Snoop Dogg and Warren G and all of that.
You know, you've got to be a slow if you want to really don't know that. I mean, I wouldn't go that bad. That's not liking this what you're doing. It's...
Any other drama we just suggested. I'm glad you're enjoying that. Good. So could you do the next track?
The next track. Another curio from the past. This is The Low Ranger by Quantum Joe. And you know what?
You introduce it. I always introduce it. Who do you best date DJ voice thing? Go on.
Thanks, Paul. Yeah. It's just coming up to the hour here on Cheap Show. FM.
And we've got a record for you. It's The Low Ranger by Quantum Jump. Oh, I hope he doesn't get me. Bang bang.
Whoop, see? Yeah, sounds like this. The Low Ranger by Quantum Grand. Brought to you by the electric record company that was Quantum Jump with The Low Ranger.
What did you think of it? What's your gut feelings like? I quite like the use of synth in it. It's a well produced record.
I feel we can get into it because we do know a little bit about how this was constructed. But I feel it's culturally insensitive. Well, to say the least. I don't know about that.
What I will say is that I think the track as it stands is a curio, but I kind of found it a bit boring after a while. Yeah, it does not have a very strong hook, does it really? No, not really. It kind of does that electro plinky plonky.
Because what would you call that genre of music? Just to the ear? It's sort of New Wave Stroke funk. There's a little bit of Roxy music to it.
New Wave, yeah. Also, the Way and A Bit Yellow. Also, yeah, it's Electro Poppy. Yeah, a bit yellow.
You're right. Has a bit of a yellow, but it doesn't go as far. No. As yellow with the electrification.
Do you bomb? Bomb. Cht. Which is yellow, everybody.
That's the section. I found that band. That band from the 1980s. And all the songs they made.
And they were called Yellow. Yellow. Very good. Now, also, it's a sort of thing from the era.