Hello ladies and gentlemen, you guys have them in here and you're about to listen to another fantastic episode of Cheap Show. Slop my gravy over the rim. Paul. No idea where to start with that.
Well, I've thought I said Wuxie gravy before. So it's more sort of sauce based accident. Bant. Can you repeat that then for me then what you said?
Slop my gravy over the rim. Right, okay. Starting with the word slop, not great. Alright.
Not happy with the word slop. It's disgusting. You can slay splash or gush. I'm open to suggestions on this.
Yeah. So slop your gravy. Spill the gravy, spill the sauce. Splash your sauce all over my rim.
So that sounds a lot better and a lot less room. It sounds a lot less room. I think. So welcome to another episode.
You show yes, me and Eli are back in Shay Ganon in Cambridge. And lovely Shay is too. Isn't it lovely Shay? So let's just talk about this.
You're beading your hair's gone. Yes. Explain why, because I actually think you're fan base. You'll be interested to know why.
Well Paul, I am. I had some acting work. So I generated when the calling calls. You have to make sacrifices.
And you sacrifice your face. All of my hair. Wow. Yes.
I'm not sure what it does. But it is actually killing me. I've started avoiding going in places where I haven't been in since I had my hair cut because I know they'll go. Oh, yeah.
I can't face it. Oh no. I can't face the go. No, no, no, no.
You know. It's very racist accent for the guys who live in the Turkish restaurant. It's not, it's not Turkish restaurant. It's what you go in though.
I've been in it. I don't mind. Good. Yeah.
No, it's other places where they'll recognize me. What's like, well, you did you drink that as well. Isn't that a big part of what you do? Yeah.
So I had it all last night. You look better. There was one lady. She said, oh, you look like you could go for it now.
Excellent. It's true though. You do. Thank you.
Even my partner looked at the picture of you and went, oh, she said, oh, yes. It brings up an actual face structure, but I'm going to, I need to sort it out. Yeah, you do. So don't worry fans of Eli's face and hair.
In some respects, you're just going to remodel. You don't look how fucking quick the beard's coming back. I'm actually quite surprised by the beards. What's the way of looking for?
It's very keen to grow back. It's rapid. Yes. It's like your body knows like it needs to be.
It needs to be. It needs to be. Everyone needs to be. It needs to be.
Yes. I've been working on it for a few years now. The idea started off as the Ministry of Ambience, where I imagined if there was a government department responsible for – This is you in acting mode. I like it.
It's very late back. It's very nice. It's very nice. I don't get any sleep.
But if that's the effect, I don't mind. So hey, you're listening to relaxing Eli. Yes. I've been working on it for a number of years.
As if there was, imagine if you will – Yes. – a government department whose role was to just make sure that background reality is sort of – is there? It's kept familiar. Yes.
And my character is one of these people who works for the department. Yes. And we've seen basically going about his daily tours. Creating Ambience for the city.
That's right. So for example, we give you an idea. The first opening has in placing a glove on a railing. I see.
Is that type of stuff? The kind of thing you walk down the road and go, why is that there? It's because the man from the Ministry is really there. So when is this released in the theatre?
Not sure. The edit's happening now because we did get some funding from a local film – Emporium film. What do you call? A film like a charity.
Yeah. A film charity. A film charity. A local one.
We filmed in Palmer's Green because they're based there. And they are having a screening. So that would be the most boring she does ever been. He likes to take his career seriously.
I can't take it. We know what ever wins. No, it's good. Oh, good.
So hopefully it will be funny and it will be worth this horrendous trauma of cutting my beautiful beautiful gloves. Beautiful. I know. You look so beautiful.
Seriously, I reckon the ladies would be absolutely gushing, slocked with their gravy up over the rim on their panties. To see you in the gushing. You're watching gravy. Oh, he likes it.
She got even ladies up. So, well, it would be nice to get laid. Obviously. It would be.
I thought that would be a sale from the bedroom. Sorry. Girl, come on. Have you got something longer?
No. No. This is – I'll only bring out what I've got with me. Oh, dear.
So, yeah. Good. Well, that's all right then. All right.
Welcome to the studio show. Thank you. I've got to report really. Nothing.
Okay. I really don't. I'm looking for a job. I've been drinking suicide once or twice.
I've had a different conversation with a partner. Been drinking to excess. Yeah. Smoking to excess.
Taking to violent outbursts. Yeah, no. I've kicked my cat. You know, I have – I once saw a postman because he brought a bill to my house and chased him down the street.
That's like what a dog would do. Yeah. I kicked a dog. He kicked a dog.
In front of his family in a playground. That's what I did. Happy family. I just went up the roof.
That dog right in the chin with my boots on. And it went out quick. Yeah. And the kid started crying and the dad was like, well, you do that.
You're running for me. The mother's crying and the dogs are not just possibly dead. And I'm just laughing as I'm running for the boss. So that's what you've been up to, yeah?
Yeah. Okay. It's good. It's poor positive, you know.
It's making good usage of your time. And then I got a blue ray of the raid and I watched the raid. And it's good. It's good to get film because there's people hitting each other.
I like that. Yeah. Lots of getting each other. Lots of people getting their neck broken on doors.
Snap. I like that. I need it. Alright.
Good. So what have you got coming up in the show today, Paul? Hopelessness. Hopelessness.
No. Cold. Wet. Yeah.
Hopelessness. A bit grey outside. Yeah, it's grey inside. Ah, yeah.
Stocked by Azizmai want. Yeah. Why do you sound like you're having a... Well, the two emotions are very closely associated in my mind.
I stopped by the noodle plate. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Picked up some noodles. Did you? Yes. Several packets.
Of. Noodles. What kind of noodles? I got a creamy Tomyum.
Did you? Creamy shrimp Tomyum. Yeah. Brando don't usually buy.
No. Tomyum. That's the flavour. Yeah.
You have no interest. No. No. No.
Not really. But come on. Can you talk because I know people do listen for some horrible reason to this podcast for your noodle advice, which really... Oh, God.
It's depressed. Oh, shit. Out of me. Well, you can go out and kick a dog when we're over it.
In front of its family. Knife a cat. I mean, why's a dog with its family? Was it a stray or something?
No, it was playing in the garden. Well, it was a human family. Yeah, it was playing with its human family in the playground around the corner. And you feel real.
I mean, look, I didn't really, I made that whole thing up. So let's not go into the details. You got noodles. Okay.
So let me tell them. I've got a shrimp, creamy shrimp, shrimp, Tom Yum, an unknown brand, come back to you on that one. And some Lucky Me chili calamacy. Calamacy ones.
I think that's the name of the brand, Lucky Me. Lucky Me is the brand and Chili and Calamancy, which is a citrus fruit. Oh, I don't think they have it in the... Like a lemon?
I think it's like half way. On the same trip between an orange and a lemon. It's between a lemon and a lime. Okay.
So it's sour? Yes. Right. But they use it for savory.
And these Lucky Me have it with chili. It's very nice. And if you have to pin to it, I'm not saying you have to pin. Oh, you have to pin to it.
Yeah. They're basics. Yeah. All right.
And they're not a soup noodle. They've got two sashos. Okay. Three sashos.
Okay. So you've got some... You've got the powder base. Yeah.
So you've got the oil, the goopy oil. Oh. Still not interested in any of this. But go on.
And you pimp it with classic spring onions. Yeah. Maybe some... Not sausage.
Not cabbage. Well, cabbage goes well with noodles. So the sausage. What?
Like a banger. I'm not saying you put a sausage in noodles and then you slice one of it and then you mix it. What's an appropriate meat? An appropriate meat for a noodle would be pork belly, for example.
I'll get pork belly then. Well, yeah, but not a sausage. Oh, then. The sausage is...
You have it on a sauna with a sandwich. I'll upgrade. A sausage to pork belly. Well, good.
So come correct when you discuss noodle with meat. What would I bring it to the house of noodle? I've got to be down with the fly. You have to stand corrects in the eyes of the noodle.
Oh. This is so... Yeah. Pick some of those up.
Yeah. And that's good. Good. I'll eat them at some point.
And what have we got coming up on the show for? Well, let's just kick right straight into it right off. Keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep. Eat.
Yeah, you see? Yeah, it's good. Okay. So, yeah, I've got some cheap, please.
Good. Otherwise, that jiggle would have been a waste of time, wouldn't it? Yeah. They are cheap, genuinely cheap.
Yeah. I was gifted. I was gifted. I can't get cheaper than that.
You can't. What a great segment. And another item also gifted, but... Yeah.
I can see the price tag on it. It was bought in Japan by my friend Virgil Halle. Interesting. I think we'll start with the...
Because he was his band, Little Barry went to Japan. They did. And he brought... Thank you, Virgil.
He does listen. He's a fan of the show. He doesn't. Doesn't he?
No. How'd you know that? He used to. He used to.
He used to. He's too f***ing busy to listen to an hour podcast. I'm also chilling out in the evening, driving somewhere, listening on the train. So, the podcast is for the person in your head, don't talk to you.
So, someone else's thought to talk to you. Podcasts are there to fill out the noise in your head, the painful shouting. I've got the tree peeps here, Paul. Oh, right.
This is lovely stuff. So, let's see. What we got first. What have we got first?
Well, Honorable Mention gets these things that we're not going to need, which is a trio pack of vacuum sealed squids. Oh, yeah. You showed me. I'm going to take a picture of these, obviously, for the staylight website.
Little mini crackins. They are like little mini squids. Squids. Now, I would have eaten these on a previous trip to Japan.
I bought these back to me. But if you look at the best before, it's going off two years ago in 2015. Well, keep it out because I've got my little Google Translate app on this. And if I scan the front of it, it will read what it says on the front.
So, I mean, Japanese, English to Japanese. You'll talk about Japanese to English. Okay. Align text with the thing.
It says. Wow. It actually comes up with the words in the picture. Yeah.
It's a future shit, man. Yeah. That's like they live or something. Okay.
It says here. This is just the translation it says. It says, obviously something's lost. It says, the icon is called Halboy, a gem morsel of Tokai local.
And underneath it says cheese is in the squid to be. Oh, my God. This is cheese stuffed squid. Yeah.
I think that's what it is. You can see the cheese is starting to ooze out around the top of the tentacles there. Oh, mate. I'm tempted.
I mean, it can't go off. Can I just say this right? As much as you're tempted. And I appreciate that.
Hey, don't open the squid in your house. Yeah. It will stay and it'll make you vomit. Good.
Because I know it's a screen which maybe will send it for a live show. So I'd like to see you honky. Oh, I'm on stage MCM. Listen, mate, if anyone's on danger with honking anything, you gag it.
If someone mentions the word ketchup, gag. No, moving on. I think you like these. Yeah, go on.
We've got one each. Oh, no. Really? These are Indian boiled sweets.
Oh, ketchup. Catcher mango bite. They're all mango. Oh, I could.
They're all mango bite. I like these. I've tried one I've had to say before. Are they a boiled sweet?
Yes, a hard boiled sweet. Oh, which makes you think why is it called a bite? It's got a bit of sour flavour. It's got a pleasing flavour.
Oh, give it a go. Give it a go. Where's the other one? They're manufactured by a company called Parle.
Parle. You're a 3D, it's got save ons, I think a picture. Right. Let's do this.
Oh. So what are you seeing there, the green? Emerald. Oh, there's a little green.
Emerald green, lozenge. Shave, classic lozenge. Smooth. I first think that real boil, that typical boiled sweet taste, don't add that kind of sugar.
They taste a bit. I like it. Like grassy, they've got that flavour grass to it. Smaggy.
Mm. What do you think? And that's why your hair's. I just called that a mouth.
It's not one of my hair's. My hair's all gone. Yeah, in your bag. Come on, sweet.
Give it a crunch. Give it a crunch. Mm. I like that.
Nice. It really comes out. It's fresh flavour. Slightly exotic.
That's ketchup mango bite. Hey, tap the tap for me. Yeah, I'll give it a nice. Very nice.
Sweet. I could eat a lot of those. Nice. Very nice.
So where was that bought again? Sorry. Oh. Oh.
So we've got an international show. It's very international. Okay. That's the plan.
Because they're quite expensive. Yeah, they're quite expensive. I don't know what they are expensive. And obviously I pay for everything on the show.
So couldn't they just send it to my house? Yeah, but then you have to give your house address out. Just potential strangers. Because you're an absolute halloween with a scape, where you've pretended to have a stalker.
Do you want a real one? Because that'll happen if you give your address out. Okay, maybe not. All right.
I know your desperate for attention. Now here is the item. Oh. This is the main bit of the GPs today.
Describe what you see here, Paul. Bag it with a free dixon. I don't know. Can I do the translate you think?
On the top of it. Yes, let's do it. So these are sausage shaped. Three items.
Sausage shaped. Oh dear. And you've got the standard 10 now. Okay, I'm trying to get two.
Yeah, this cast, which apparently is only about two or two quid or something. Two quid. Yeah. What's the translation?
I don't know. I don't think. I don't know. I don't know.
It's programming it. It's struggling, isn't it? Maybe I should get closer. Maybe there's too much going on.
Oh, it's freaky. It's like watching the world glitch. It doesn't, I don't think it likes the font. I don't know if it's the font.
I honestly think it might not be Chinese. It might not be Japanese. It was bought in Japan. Oh.
711 brand. It's got that little 711. That is the 711 logo. Yeah, it is.
Also, down here you've got some kind of instruction about how to open it, which looks really like a hand jacking a big knob. It does, doesn't it? Oh God, it is. It's like, yeah.
Now, this is a surprise. Why? Because it is one of two things and I'd like to make a guess. It's either some kind of meat pate in a sausage form.
Oh my God. Stop, don't translate. No, why? Oh, it translates it.
It might not even translate. It's some kind of strawberry. Strawberry? Strawberry stuff.
Like, strawberry, your plate or something. Mate, it might translate it. It's refusing to. Am I right to eat this?
What do you mean, are you all right to eat this? Has it got, is it, is it look like pork? Actually, it's got fish in it. I don't think it's got fish in it.
You only have to eat a little bit, Paul. We're both going to try it. Now, I'm going to tuck into this. Can I show me at first and ask if it says, it's such a wuss.
I have a wuss because I don't like mysterious meats in my mouth. Mate, that's what the whole point of this section is. Is that when they eat cheap eats? Yeah, but not mysterious meats.
Like, they would be two seconds. Come on, mate. Yeah, so Paul's gone to check the meat. He's a wuss, he has no good smile, drive.
And he has to double check. He's safe every single moment. Never living. Never living.
Never truly living. Never truly experiencing the zest of risk. The rindy zest of risk. I first started rambling here.
And I think we should just eat, try it. That's what cheap eat is about. You want a second opinion on my sausage? Tubes?
So he's back and he has news. I don't think it's good. How many of you translate it? What's the news on the sausages?
Fish sausage! Ha ha ha ha! Really? It's a fish sausage.
Wow. Now, if I could have had a massive reaction to that game. Oh, that was very remiss of me. It's fish sausage.
It's fish sausage. We don't know what knew that. We're going to noodle. Probably worse.
That's fine. I think I'm going to noodle. I think everything is alive. No, listen mate.
Would you actually want a pop noodle with a sausage in it? Yes. Right. Because it'd be nice.
Little discs of sausage in a pop noodle. Lovely. Well, it's funny you say that because you know Pepper army had it. Yes.
They were a brand of noodles. It was lovely. Yeah. And they had it with a sausage in it.
I liked it. Okay. Maybe I'm going to soften on my stance on sausage on noodles. Good.
So, now you aren't going to eat any of my fish sausage. I think we owe it to ourselves. We owe it to you. To actually go through with this cheap eat.
Well, you have to. I can't. You can't. No.
My flat plate looked at these today. It's like, am I going to eat these and put them up my bum? Your flat makes weird. Yeah.
It's like, whoa. Does he look at everything? He looks at your other shoes. What am I going to do with this?
Put it on my bum. I'm going to put them up my bum. Anyway, so I'm going to tuck in. Don't worry.
There's probably that smelly. A long. They're still in date. I'm glad that's in date.
Now, what's this that actually? That looks like a cigar tin. It's such a tight tube of fish meat. It's very pink as well.
It is literally penis coloured. Anyway. So, what do you men do though? It's full of what calcium amelia said.
How do you eat it? We'll have to peel it. Okay, I'm just going to peel it and have a taste. Oh my god.
So, here we go. So, I take a knife and you can have a little knife. Can we do this in the kitchen? Yeah.
Oh, right. We're just going to cut this in the kitchen and be right back. Oh, hey. It looks like a willy.
Oh. Oh, it looks like a willy. Really? When you pull that out of the packaging, it's like you just pull that out of your flies.
I'd say wobble that a penis has when you pull it out of something. Speak for yourself. Mine's always rock hard. It's not.
Constantly. At most, your penis is plump. Okay. It smells like a sausage and a fish finger.
Yeah, it does, doesn't it? It's like a combo. So, I'm going to have a little bit of this, ladies and gentlemen. I'll just toss it when you cut it.
I'll just slice the top off. You're going to slice the top off. It's got a very spongy consistency. There's no pattern to the middle of that.
It is just processed. It's pure processed. So, it really does smell unpleasant and I'm going to try it. Oh.
Oh. It's not good. Why you describe it? It's very bland, not much flavour, but then I'm kind of creeping urini sort of afterburn.
Do you know what I mean? Oh, that's terrible. Oh. That is terrible.
I was expecting better, honestly. I don't know how. It is. It is like a weird combination of a hot dog with a fishy afterburn.
Oh. You know what I mean? It's no, it's not. So, I'm going to have one more or some more.
Thanks, Virgil, for this. That is genuinely unpleasant. One of the least pleasant things I've ever put in your mouth on this show. Yeah.
Wow. That's a nice thing. Don't start changing your mind now, you've had a few bites. That's getting better.
Oh, yes. Your taste loves involves a survive. Your taste loves involves involves a survive. This is not good enough.
It's not good enough. It's not good enough. It's getting all right. All right.
Now you love this. It's really, really bad. It's disgusting. It's an empty metal containing.
That is vile. Absolutely vile. I'm glad you didn't open the fish in the squid with cheese here. The cheese stuff is squid.
Now that would probably be nice if it was in date. I don't know. Fish sausage. It's going to be a low score, right?
It's a free for me. I don't see the point in it. I mean, apparently if you heat it up, hope you're not supposed to heat up. Can you dice it and put it in a soup or something?
You could do that. I mean, I'm a fish lover. I'm saying no more on that subject. It's fine.
He's a fish lover. I like seafood. I like all manner of... He likes all manner of...
He likes all manner of crustacean. He's like, no other. He's a fish lover. He eats a meal out of his knees.
He's the type of guy who eats that. The fish out of his hat. You better believe it. Oh, you'll never heat it.
We might heat this. Anyway, we're releasing that as a song for Christmas. He love it. Yeah.
That is fish sausage. That was bad. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. It was good.
I can eat it. Then you're going to eat that. Yeah. The food's bad.
Yeah. Free out of ten very bad. After that, Virgil. Yeah, thanks for offering one thing out of eight and the other thing that could a-kill me and be-make his stomach turn.
That's kind of achievement, Virgil. So, you know what I'm sort of truncated? Somew. Yes, of cheap eat today.
What was your favourite? The only one I tasted was my favourite, the little Bald Sweet. Very nice flavour. Nice and mango.
Also, a nice little Bald Sweet crunchy aftertaste to it. It's good. I actually tasted their noise. Very nice.
Refreshing. It's not that kind of like flavory you expect. Or you're used to it in this country, isn't it? So that was nice.