Hello, thank you for coming hello. I don't know if they told you at the door. I am Inspector Callum a Expect the Calum a that is my name and you and not expect to come on me inspect the Calum a I'm from here I do not like the way that my accent is morphing and that the way that you're bringing up this monkey spark so early in the Code open I'm going to avoid this. Oh come on.
Yeah. Oh My come on yeah You please be serious about playing your role in this Liquid intelligence man you in a sea we're in a police interrogation situation Locking you into the ideas. I'm throwing out. Yeah, you can't but you can't move or that's what to get moved adapt to it being about smoking on me Just try to be serious for one second.
Okay, you've been brought in it's been of murder in the town near to the Going all right, well now, you know like so we're doing like a murder mystery plot and it's on the murder Thing you've been called into the makeshift police office In fact in the bar because it's such a small village, right? Okay, okay in France somewhere like that All right, some parochial town in Europe. Okay, send it this one in please Sean Jack Big dog. Okay, Sean Jack.
I want it down London town. Okay. Hello. She's Please I give you the value of my heart.
I'm like French neighbor downstairs Okay, so you are hello. I did you get my name I inspect it come on me. Yeah, Jack Calum a Calum a Jack Jack Reading the fire of my crap must you this very serious moment has been a murder in the village. Oh, yeah I heard about that wasn't me though.
I was anywhere in the town Tell me your name is Kato about to come in and you have a wicked little funny fight around Here It's It's cheap joke time it's cheap joke time the time of the week it's cheap show time you can get a penny You can spend the time but it's gonna have to fun on the cheap show time. Oh, yes it's cheap show that's a comedy comedy comedy pod that's been going for nine years and Won't stop until the party ends the party's not good You've gone mad it's your turn to go mad at the beginning of the episode Yeah, I just noticed something yeah, do you think people are using the word oof the way that they work? You know to go with using the word yikes. Do people use the word yikes or ironically yikes when someone says I can get away with it's like If I trap a thing at all or whatever you see someone give a really bad take you might go Oh, you know, it's what yikes used to like yikes is to No, no labor to say yikes if it was a fact I would normally say where you would normally say well, maybe when maybe oof is is more feel more natural Come on oh, it's a dog treat now That was you or spoiling it with your nosey nosey antics, but maybe I'll get my inspector No, don't look we have to build a our inspector la claire listen, mate.
We have to do some voice work tomorrow I don't want you hurting your voice. You've got to do a certain pirate my name is inspector for my ass I'm sorry to all our French listeners. I know we do have some and it's not appropriate. So I will stop I want to though because I miss I miss I miss we can do some We can do some character work tomorrow poor.
What's the Macconda sink? I mean you want to do nothing? It's same as the puns basically all the same voices I do what's this podcast about that's what I was gonna ask you But we have coming up on the show this week, right? We have a few well, okay as I stated last week because of the live show so many wonderful people came out They in on day did us with lovely bits of tartan all sorts of stuff to get into over the course of the next few weeks We're gonna spread that out this week is another bag of tat but there is no place of shite elements There's no theme linking these we're just gonna go for a man shit Just go for a random bag of shit and have a look at it and go oh Oh, yeah, I think we'll it's safe to say you want to get this shit processed through the machine of the podcast It's very we've got to go through the the the the processes of the podcast Yes, because why because it was you said and slightly in your hallway.
Have you seen my form? I've seen it you've seen the mountain of Detritus it just feels a bit like it feels a bit industrial doesn't it? Yeah, it's like we have to process all the stuff in your we are cheap But no That was so bereft of invention you called yourself a liquid Intelligentia, but you did you did it in spectre come on me or whatever it's called camama and it's a normal name and I thought the foot That's just fucking Jimmy. What's it called?
What was that character called? You never don't carry on this podcast. I don't know what you mean Jimmy living breathing human creatures. They just happen What's he called Jimmy biscuits?
That's it? I forgot him. I'm trying to Anyway, hello everyone. I like I still mean that's him.
We look up cheap stuff. Yes on the podcast. You've been quite formless I have to take the rain very liquid crystalline little that whole liquid crystalline distinction you brought it up this week Yeah, in it in it. It's like he's my whoo, right?
You're calling me bereft of anything. Oh, I am breft. Oh, yes I've got a bag and I tell you what let's just go into it because we've got a nice little appetit before the bag gets going Let's not make all this mouth nonsense noise and let's just say like this simple Just do it again simpler. Yeah, I have a bag I have a bag get the stuff out the bag and we'll look at that Okay sound effect great also nice feedback on the album for 450 We're gonna get work on I was gonna ask you about that It might be because I spoke to noise on the about this I don't know what the details are yet.
So it is all those formulas and they look right now But effectively we can set up a crowd funding kind of thing via this record company and then once we hit certain amount They'll make the whole lot and then any extra on time unbound basically. Yeah, and so and then everyone gets the LP who both buys the LP Yes, basically. I did have one idea. Oh, yes, we've done several rap things over the years including teen Etis raps.
Yeah Yeah, can we have one track the sort of perhaps we get I spoke to noise on the belt sampling stuff from teen Etis past and stuff like that the problem is the raw audio is long probably said gone I would have to go through my big take it down load it off the episode they appear yeah, but they're all mixed with the music and stuff That's was hard for him to use the raw vocal stuff. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Well, it's all right They were still in early talk about all that so I do what elements of the pasted not just a reason those rap bits Yeah, that we've done yeah, you can have one kind of mega rap track which kind of fits a load of it I'm a hard drive somewhere.
Just got a fire. Including right from the beginning when you did the silverman song and there was rap We did a rap battle really early on. Yeah, that was it. That was with a exit from God.
That's right. Yeah You put that all with a megami mix sort of beat underneath it. Yes, you mean basically no ideas off the table yet We just got a figure out it just occurred to me. No, I would like that.
Yeah, so I said also wanted Chris weatherals music from the Absolutely, I think both those tracks need to be on and you know the guy I'd forgotten the guy who did the songs They know the mayor requests and the other one lee lee lee. Sorry. Leave. We've got your name This isn't Lee.
We're talking to easily but I can't but I said he wants to do a track block track And I said I want to do a wink noise to make a track. Yeah, I said I want a winky bass track on top of the ones I've already said okay, it's all in the air. It's exciting. It is very Verbal vocal stuff by not only yeah skits.
Yeah, thanks for the feedback everyone. Thank you for that So we're gonna get that we're not gonna be something you hear about until the next year now once we know what we're doing We're going to launch something official well, we've been trying to get this together and God knows it's on our bucket list of things Keeps you wants to do before it dies, you know, I mean port moving on I see someone has sent us some pin badges Yes, please give me pin badges now where we'll do this and then we'll get into the proper segment so Because you're the ones with two they're very sweet on the pullback Both on a black Friday sale so nice action. Yeah, yeah I see what let's just get into the letter Right the letter the opening gambit the cheap Joe lads congratulations on 400 episodes plus this is from Ash who said Some things at the past lots of things. Thank you very much.
Ash. Mosh. Mosh. I have another delightful A lot of tap for you today.
Well, here's the odd thing. Please make sure you fully inspect the disc case I swear to you this is exactly how it was sold to me keep up the great work Ash There's more things than just the pin badges from Ash. There's a whole bag from Ash. Well, he's must be Yes, he is which will get too late right you know, you seen it.
I have I know where we go with this it's gonna be problematic dick stuff again Let's find out later fine Ash. Thank you very much for sending stuff. However on the letter that he's written He's attached five pin badges. He like and have any of these five Why did you know just because you know I always go one of our first dibs And so why don't I just give you first dibs for a change well at the Premier League?
Yeah, there's a Premier League badge there so that's fine pickle pickle policemen. Yeah, or a girl can policeman or or a courgetteous I'm a little bit as well. Yeah, there's a Rupert a molysis chariot. I'm multiple sclerosis It's like Rupert and he's trying to say he's a mod because it says MD like he's a mod or something No, I don't think that's the intention there was logo goes Here's a question for you what was Rupert the bear mod might have been an anti-dresser with his checkseam Yeah, the check check trousers Yeah, there's lots of a good rank like a line in scarves and later on you get into the skinhead movements.
Yeah that go for Haha, no the good skinhead movement not the naughty one. I know but it's still a well a little bit like a mod joke This is England with Rupert the bear Right. I'll have Rupert though is what all right happens with this. I'm having Rupert You'll have in the policeman The policeman that goes without saying pickle policeman and there was one other one.
I like the premier ship for some reason I thought that I don't mind it's got a sort of that's my nice design like a shield isn't it? Blue lion a top the shield and it's for a particular team as well. Yeah Very small writing on it, but I think it was like Sunderland or something No, we'll get to the minutiae of it I found out that someone sent us some badges a while ago. This is terrible.
I mean out They were universal studios Japan badges. They're on my board over there Jurassic Park and back to the future on eBay They're both over $90 right now $90 right now I was saying to the part that's weak that board of pin badges is probably valued at least at least 600 quid Yeah, but the thing is it's valued at that actually selling each badge for the price of work There's the rub that's what to me and that work is worth money. Yeah, so it's you know I don't mean to me the value is what I see when I stay up it when I'm working I love I love it. It's the emotional value.
It gives me there's something very pleasing about my pin bag board I'm pretty city Coventry city. Wow. You can't see that. So it's very it's very soft.
It's a hard enamel badge I will take that and go my board so quickly tell me about your new pin badges on your jacket Oh, I'm just like the theme I've gone with here. Yeah, go on This is the one side of the lapel. Yeah all the way down Georgia peach nice a Ouija board. Yeah, that's a nice one.
Isn't it? I mean I often like their they're gonna punch it one up there ghost was a switch That's one of those mad balls ones my face all this all this is name is nice skull I like this little sculpted one like we got to picture that by the way This is all that came in a package of while ago. So I love this I there's a special word for this when they're behind a little sort of lens or plastic It's a capsule that is a hard enamel pin. Oh really soft and I was when we got the dimples to it But hard and it's covered like a seal on top anyway This is like an authentic 70s one and has a very hortological folk horror vibe.
It was that's a kind of vibe It says it's a little picture of ghost tower. Yeah, Warwick castle. Yeah, a little turret thing in gold Then I got Satan. Yeah, that is a pentangle pentagram But with the corners are parts of a goat head nice skiing one.
He like I love some yeah Go skiing Snoopy helicopter one nice. I haven't seen that one. I've had before the helicopter No, I got that somewhere else right skull and crossbones actually original mind. Yes, but what these little parts of badges That's lovely vintage.
This is a little change of pace here. Hello Kitty. Little holding up holding it all hard. Yeah Hello, which is the goal the goo the goo virtual matches goo.
Yeah, then we have your design. Yeah, well Tony's actual realization. Yeah, which is the spec. It's a spirit squad logo Like a mecha Godzilla that's a nice pin like that.
Yeah, it's monochrome with red writing like that and there's a Mexican wrestler And a cat what is that that is a little pot of tea? It's a little tea pot lovely. What a lovely collection of badges. You know, I'd have to picture that so I Well, I'm sorry everyone.
I know it's so I got bored of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah I wasn't gonna mention it cuz everyone's go don't we want to be a nice boy. We want to take pictures of those bad Take a picture of those badges. I think I'll check my phone.
This needs liveening up next bit It's like you've got a drag it down a bit. You've counted it. Sorry. You've counted it one minute.
We're doing Inspector come on me and have an enemy and then the next minute It's like oh is a badge of a kitty is a badge of a tea bot. You've got to pick it up. You've got to do this Oh, you know what? I'm gonna drink water.
Yes. I have an exciting drink moment Right that was our exciting drink moments on the cheap show podcast. We're content. Don't matter.
No more drink some content for let's do it So we've got a big bag of stuff that we got from ash I don't know where to start so we'll start with the slightest of items. Oh, yes I'm gonna start with your hand up fridge and you're just nice as opposed to just paging in with your All right, which prove two things one you don't listen to me until you think you're more important than me and your thoughts have more weight I might do not think my thoughts have any that's the subtext. I'm getting for ongoing conversations Paul Oh, is it grand people gonna turn up now city Paul's gone? Now for a little bit one question are all of these items from ash?
Yes, but it's a massive load of stuff Yes, we've got a lot of stuff to get through but I'm not a lot of talk some things are worth talking about more than others So this is the slightest item we're starting with so we can get it slightest item begins with us I'm gonna let you like it classic all these by way obviously dog treat selfie clip yeah dog treats selfie clip So this is something you put a treat out the dog comes out and you take a photo of it I think the idea is it's a little rubber attachment that holds your phone and then you put a treat on the other end of that attachment And so when the dog comes in to eat it or bite it or pick it up the phones attached And so you see the dog from a stupid point of view. Yeah, that's what I mean It's to take a picture of the dog coming for the trick tree. Yeah And then you show to all your friends on Facebook Look at my fucking stupid dogs face people literally make living doing things with their cats I saw a video an advert on YouTube for something for wicks calm and it was just woman going basically No, I use wicks.com to build my business and blah blah blah I just built my business with the two things that I know best dancing and dogs and then There's a video to be like dancing with dogs. I'm like well we live in how is that been six And we've been doing this fucking podcast for nearly a decade We haven't we haven't shot the we have nothing growth of a dancing dog website How fucking depressing is that because we're artists poor we care?
I guess we care about I'll be use wicks.com for our website by the way Yeah, we don't get them coming to us and say why don't you talk about your fucking monkey podcast for an advert? It's an ad for go to this woman who's got a fucking range of dogs on their back legs. It's grift man It's a hot note. There's like get traction It gets traction for as long as it does and then it doesn't and then platforms that she uses and is the girl's a value is the animal Cruelty board investigating what she does how many dogs does she get through per year?
You see about that tick tock like a boy group and it's like this woman who's the matriarch mother Yeah, come on dancing they'll have at five in the morning live streaming I mean it's proper exploitation going on Content so this is how far it's got they're that woman with the dogs is kind of exploiting herself Yes, I know dogs And a dog so you don't want to be dressed up like fucking Olivia Newton John and let's get physical video It's all gone too far hasn't it goes back to that guy used to put dogs in adult jumpers and make it look like the adult bodies with a dog said As long as there's been media we've been exploiting animals for it. I mean fucking Edison You have to put a elephant on an electric plate that guy Barnum had whales in tanks in New York Yeah, basement of his place. Yeah, and then they die when that building fire anyway, anyway, it's all I'm saying is It's like this fucking piece of crap ash. That's what I'm saying dog treats selfie What's it feels like a like a an AI is just generated some words for SEO enhancement You know me dogs use the bottom grip secure the top of your phone Then place your pet favorite treat in the flower grip the perfect angle adjust the flexible next into position and watch your pet Pose the clips can be perfect for pet portraits or a cute pet selfie remove the treat from the clip and feed your pet once you've had the Poor fact selfie fuck that.
It's completely pointless You could do everything that does I'm gonna do everything that does just with your phone and some treats on a dog I'm gonna do it with me phone. What are you doing? You put it in the put the treat in the flower bit there's a guy's putting his mouth everyone he's trying to clip his mouth Oh my god, I'm putting my mouth on that now I don't think you're doing it right man. You meant put treat there Get that thing out of your mouth.
You don't know where that's been you'll never recovery. You keep putting weird stuff in your mouth My soul oh my god Paul that is not a good picture of your eye man Please don't show me that Yeah, I go to show how this works. I don't think you did it right. I did it right you put the food in there like Is that a bad thing yes, it is it's a stupid thing better.
Let's find out with item number two. I hope it lives up to it sir That build up from Paul. This is another shit one. It's a book like an annual style hardback of some side some some side Or as Tom type and some type of value and it's published by games warrior tips and tricks for coming tiktokker.
Oh god Here's the thing. Oh god It's like that's appealed to the digital generation with an analog format weird like hey kids buy this paper book to learn about tiktok It's the ultimate guy to tiktok 2023 edition so if I could already be wrong I think this exists for mothers and other relatives and fathers to give the Christmas five kids I don't fucking get little smelly they used to be into like comics or something on TV or something now It's just a book full of people I don't know who are just massively successful I think not recognize a single this is where we show already do it I don't recognize a single one about but I bet you they make millions have a huge following I just don't know who they are this looks like a kpop group here probably are I could be the same for one you were talking about just a minute ago early in the morning tiktok family thing Oh my god, no, but they are definitely being exploited Yeah, and you heard about the guy to go around Costco isn't father and son no and they go and they go Oh, that's a great cheeseburger. He goes whatever. Yeah, it's just a go Oh, they taste all the hot dogs that play and pizza say cusco's right and they go they got these stupid cat phrases And they really all that shit and they release on video of making these videos with it So the father was like do it again.
No, that wasn't right do it again. Don't talk about that Do it you know like Jesus like hardcore. It's no fun in it. No fucking business It's what I mean It's not tiktok takes all the joy out of content because for every great educational thing or science video or the IY thing There's people being forced to churn out videos every other hour just to build an audience.
It's like it's nothing You're feeling the internet void of absolute nothing we've turned the cameras away from the world look at what's up there And on ourselves because we believe now we're the most important commodity that selfish nature that we've all been bred to live it Yes, this is really disturbing what what's it say? So I've opened randomly says the best of the rest of these are more tiktokas and has these little breakdowns of Big tiktokas. Yeah, but it's like here. We go Jo Jo's silver 41 million followers Then it says tiktok style right lifestyle and dance and then hear this guy know about tiktok style lip sync and lifestyle lip sync Lip sync Dance and comedy so it's like you can't then they're not comedians or dancers or actors who are on any format It's like you only in this this sort of hermetically sealed platform.
Yes. Do you see what I mean? That is massively successful with it. It's so mean and disturbing though that you couldn't be on a larger It's the whole stage the whole media is bounded by this one and also people say to me Yeah, you should do tiktok and you grow it I'd love to the fact that the workload needed to be successful and tiktok would actually be more than I would need to make This podcast and you make and you then your content becomes just film you podcastable that up I'm sorry.
I'm morally against it most viewers for a live tiktok performance with 5.5 million views and counting ed Sheeran live concert Portland Road officially broke record in 2021. He's big on tiktok, but he's a musician which is funny It's this weird my watch your tiktok style. It's like the fact that you're a big tiktok. It's bit is more important And I was with the kind of artist you are whether you're an actor singer dancer, you know It's just all these people it's like dance phenomenon the jiggle jiggle the begging when you do this you reach out like I've never heard of that one like Tom Baker's doctor I don't want to be I don't want to sound like a sort of I like song I like comedy.
Yeah, I just feel that I just think the algorithmic needs of being a tiktok Completely compromised the artistic quality When you're turning out stuff to keep to another schedule then what are you actually pulling out there of any work? There's never gonna be like we do weekly podcast of people would argue. Yeah, well weekly your quality is like this Yeah, but once a week I'm doing eight videos a day every day rating content. There's no thought to make you just want to make it consistent You're not to make it good or outstanding.
It'll change someone's mind or you know move someone What's your tiktok destiny and to the questions to see where your tiktok journey takes you right? Like say your tiktok journey. How long do you spend deciding what to wear in your video? Is it a little bit it's more about comfort than style be no time all the video content is stylish enough or see a Has to be perfect ages.
It has to be perfect. I've got histrionic personality disorder show off. Yeah, exactly Thank you. What who's your favorite tiktok?
Is it the Williams fan Brent Riviera or Kylie Jenner Kylie Jenner That's Kardashian's I've heard of that person. Please. Can you please? It's making me under there Is it a great music and sick moves is it be something that makes you smile or see somebody inspires you?
I just find the commodification the ultimate commodification of performance sickening. What would your friends say is your best quality? You have lots of energy be your great cheering people up or see you give great style advice I'm gonna go ahead and say see for me. Yeah, I think you got this weird kind of dapper tramp thing going on It's like you got your little tree will be out what you're wearing out of your car.
What is it a pork pie? No? What's going to forget the name Desmond Fentiman hat or something. What's it called?
He's the suspect in the murder. There's been Fentiman Fentiman, no, I forgot I'll come back to you, but yes, it's a nice I'm quite stylish, but you're a little look. I'll give you that Anyway, that's the first two items. I know but I just need to agree with how horrific tiktok is yes One last point I wanted to make yeah, okay when I was going up the artist singers musicians They were kind of cultural they were like you know anti-corporate yes in the story But it's like the tiktok is the corporation is there completely within it.
There's no there's no all appealing to the advertising I don't see whatever makes that YouTube it's like you can say anything on YouTube Well if you want to make money you can't yes because anyway you can get traction is if you make the advertisers happy to advertise At least you can put something creative just for the fuck of it on YouTube and get people to see it You see what I mean? It's not they try and do it with shorts. Yeah, which is obviously them trying to be tiktok But you can still put like a half hour short film you've made yeah if you wanted to that's the difference with it with YouTube Yeah, it's the tiktok. It's so stifling and sort of controlling and completely it's white cheap Show will be doing cheap shots on cheap on YouTube which are fortnightly the next ones out this week We'll have been out this week by the time this goes out What's on it?
Whatever you want we can either do the playing cards one the Colombo one or the Doritos one first What do you want? I'll release that this week? What's the Doritos with a little shaky bag thing? Let's put that out right that's what it will be out this week and be out by the time you listen to this on YouTube right next bit Let's have a look at me back.
I'll do another two items here we go. It's a quick recording again. Yeah, okay Here's a quick one. Oh, I'm into this.
I thought you might be oh, it's broken. It's a little bit broken unfortunately That's a real shame. This is a cabri's cream egg car. Yeah, because I've got that poo bum inspected bum hole Inspector ball think car.
Yeah, we just all know probably that though. It's not a spectre bum hole. He's called police detective shit I can't find a man or something. It is a known character in it is a bum face.
It's a bum face. Yes It's detective bum face or something. Yeah, so I'm like that lots of fun But that's from to me and I've also got the new car noodle which is that same range from Tony. They've got things Yeah, little die cast.
It just kind of reminds me of that's broken. So well, it's they'll effectively work. So the insides that don't read anymore It's just literally a cream egg with wheels. Yeah, it's nice simplicity to it.
It's got windows at the front This I can't see how it's broken. There's just bits of silver rattling around inside it I don't know I don't even know what it was meant to do. I mean, yeah, I'm sure it's just like the inside You know because it's no hole where the screw wind up thing would be no and there's no mechanical There must be some other structure. It's just be the inside of the car with like seats and a steering wheel probably in there You know, I think that's what's broken I think the weight of it was in there for weight just to kind of give it a bit more F because it's quite a like weight plastic egg and I think the metal in there will just give it a bit more weight Oh, yeah, I was right.
So they there was a real cream egg cart. That was made. Oh, right like a mini Right my pants are sometimes referred to as the crumple zone. It's a bit depressing.
Isn't it? Well a lot of smash metal and meat Come on darling got some lipstick coffee crumple Right, I wanted to return to lipstick That's my new novel the return to lipstick. Yeah, anyway, this is Timmy Mallet on how to be utterly brilliant. It's a book.
Hey I like this. Yeah, he's a deeply religious man, but he's a big fish He doesn't like rub it in anyone's face or make it like his point of view Do a TV program about being christian did Millard did that on his YouTube channel But I follow him on Instagram because he does like travel on like cycling around the country and different parts of the UK and Ireland and Scotland Then he just gives a little history lesson and then meets the people who run the community or whatever really great like slice of life Like tic toc, isn't it? Yeah, but it's on Instagram so you can do more with it like longer videos. I do longer on yes Okay, this is a book teaching you how to be absolutely brilliant.
How to be actually brilliant. What is it voice going on? Not that but it's like Brilliant Blah blah, you say Blah blah, you say Blah, don't repeat yourself as I take. We get back and you're like this or like this I used to wanna go on wacky day though, cuz I wanted to do mine Also because I want to get one of those and they put a sticking plaster on your head Yeah, I don't want it to get a sticking plaster.
It took me four years to get fucking over 73 door badge You've got the saloon doors ones from the fourth season I got both I've got bad gen V. Yeah, you should have something very intriguing on the cover of this paper back Yeah, it's a quite a flimsy short looking paper I mean, it's a kind of double-a-late Smiths of Christmas kind of giveaway, isn't it? It's a lovely vintage publisher piccolo with a little satyr. Ooh, yeah, yeah.
No, I satyr. You sat there. Ho-ho! Don't do tar-bucky, twat.
It says that this is what really caught my eye. And I'm sure I'm going to be disappointed. 16 Attaly sticky stickers inside. Oh, yeah, they're not in there, don't think.
I think not. Great. I think I didn't even see that. I didn't even see that as well.
So it's a book full of interesting... It's like, you know when Millard or Red Letting Media do those videos, it's like, how to have a cool party. It's like really awkward, hacky shit that no kid with any sort of stuff would do in public. Do you think Mr.
Mallet actually wrote any of this? No, do you think this goes through it by just a bunch of hacks? It is the thing. This is an era where we'll never know.
You might have suggested one or two things. Is it something that we could talk about? And Kenny Everton. Yeah, Kenny Everton.
And you were. But that No Lettington book about Crinkley Bottom, which is like really, did he touch that at all? I just so disturbed by that video I saw online the other day of Knowles House Party week, all those celebrities and then Blobby basically humps now all at the end. I reckon the guy in the suit was fucking rock-al thing.
You know, you're feeling you when you slapped John Lane on the head, joining me on the show. Turn me on. No, but you're the first one trying to. That's what I'm saying.
That was his. Fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope you've died.
Anyway, he has written the intro to the book saying you can be brilliant. Here's an utterly brilliant joke. Eli, what flies and wobbles? Jelly with wings.
Almost. Almost. What flies and wobbles? Think about it.
Come on. Put your comedy jelly with a parachute. Jelly, I'm trying to say jelly with. It's jelly and all pun.
Think of more pun based use of the word jelly. Jelly. Jelly. Come on.
We're in the right. Wobble copter. Jelly copter. Oh, come on.
I'm giving you it. Wobble copter is better than jelly copter, isn't it? As a thing to say. Yes, say it.
Say Wobble copter. Wobble copter. It's got a nice mop. Wobble cop.
What do you give a pig with pimples? You have to beat. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good.
But I'm going to try and think of what the actual answer is. I'm going to go with it. That's so funny. It is very funny.
The beans. Puck beans. That's what's funny. I think that's what it was.
Anyway, the joke is what you give a pig with pimples. Hamney cream. Puck. Oh, come on.
It's the oldest joke of the book. Oh, I know it's not hamney. It's bacon. What does it sound like like the pig make?
Ouchments. I love ouchments as well. I love that as a word. That's how you get lipstick, mate.
You fucking take a little ouchments. What do you call a man with a car on his head? It's like Doug if it was a shovel. It's one of those.
There was a whole series of these jokes of what you call a man. A car on is drive steering wheel. Steering wheel Dave. Where's the real day today?
No, it is it. Jack. Oh, that's terrible. I used to know that one.
Yeah, well, you got it wrong. Save some of those. We might come back to this book and give it some proper pace. It's fucking gold, man.
It's a good stuff. Ouchman, as the punchline. So a joke is fucking great. Is that what we do to items though?
We do the egg in the book, didn't we? Yeah, all right. Let's take a quick break. We're not going to be able to play this.
Certainly not today. But he gave me a board game. Oh, that's interesting. Ad mad.
Ad mad at the board game where you get a VHS on it. It's full of old adverts. Oh, he's got a VHS in it. But do you think they're VHS will be available on YouTube?
I'm just going to have a look at that now. You give people an idea of what I've just given you. Now, this is got it's branded channel four, now and Sony. They're all ads, I guess.
And Tae Lee there. Totally. I can see the PG tips chimp as well as some penguins. I have all the Jura cell bunnies there.
Who's this guy? That is the vetoes scientist. And they're the honey monster. They're just going to make everything on the box.
And they're the cars. The red car and the blue car and the race. They're going to fuck up the whole human race. The red car had a no-vone.
Don't believe that's how it went. What about that thing? Who's that thing? What thing?
Can't see it. With the tea room. What is that? I recognise that.
It's like the hedgehog. It's like the hedgehog was cross-bred with the My Pet Monster creature. It's like penguins, PG tips and wolves which is probably Esso. Dog which probably means toilet roll.
Dog which probably means toilet roll. Yeah, durex dog. No, is it durex dog? Jurex dog.
It's Julux. Which is the dog I fuck? It's a Jurex dog. You get lip sync.
What's the dog I fuck with? What's the dog I fuck with? Yeah, not Julex dog. Julex.
Julex is the paint. It's the shaggy dog. Yeah, the paint. Right.
And Jurex is the condom. Yeah, which is not advertised using dogs. Well, mmm. What's in that?
Well, you need a fucking dog. Jurex. That's terrible. All the TV ads for each other.
I'm going to press the wrong one. They do. Yeah, it's on there 24. So we can theoretically play this properly one though.
This is a board game. It's produced by a company I haven't seen before called Upstart. You heard of that board game company? Never.
So, let me today's they don't ring a bell. Now, I think Channel 4 must have something to do with this because it's got big Channel 4 there. Yeah. And they're not advertised.
It's the Channel 4 identity thing. Yes. So, it must be, you just sort of mean through them somehow. I don't know because it's on the board itself.
It says Channel 4 about handling making this because you can see the logo on the actual side of the board. It does. It says that. Yeah.
I guess. Which means it's had a short shelf life. It's had a play. Channel 4 logo pops up.
Oh, it's cool. And there's a, I don't know what play this. We will. But I don't know in a video or something.
So, let me show them. See what happens. They play. They're just playing an ad.
It's the Mr. Bean one. That's the secret agent. What's he called?
Johnny English. In the film he was. But in this he's not called anything. I don't think so.
You're not a good guy. You're not a good guy. You're not a good guy. You're not a good guy.
You're not a good guy. You're a fuck. You're a fucking guy. Fuck off.
Fuck off. And then he ends up getting bombed. We have to get the weekly card or something. I don't know what the rules of the game are.
It's a very interesting item. Ash, well done. It's come to the VHS comes in it. It's got a little VHS tape in it.
Oh, it's in the fucking solo yesterday. Yeah. They're trying to sell some VHS 140 quid. Fucking don't buy VHS.
Just don't. It's not worth collecting. There's obviously a collector thing. And no sandling does.
Teach their own. And you know, B movies collectors can only get those films on VHS. Fair enough. You wouldn't want to play it though.
Would you? No, you don't want to spend 140 quid on something. It's not worth quality than a DVD. You'd have to be a major collector to want the VHS version of that one thing.
I know. Unless it was like, you know, 100 days of Sodom and you wanted that VHS or whatever. I like that item though. And I'd be excited to play it.
Especially as they've got it all online to go. Can you name the product? Sing the jingle or shout out the slogan with Madards? The best advert you enjoyed watching more than the programs.
I brought to you in a fun and exciting game for all the family. There are over 1000 funny questions about the memorable ads. Blah blah blah. Play is around the board answering questions.
But that isn't all there is to it. When playing, you definitely tried to enter the inside of the board to be quizzed on the classic ads. Why am I desperate? When buttons for your remote control handsets.
You feel your remote control. Feel your pie. I guess that's what it is. It's basically ripped off your pursuits using the VHS advert as an extra kind of spice.
A little salt bay. A little salt bay on salt bay. Anyway, no ordinary board game looks like it. A lot of games like that came after.
DVD games. Well, that whole boom of VHS. They're in remote control. There's always been a kind of marriage between board game and video game or whatever.
Because famously, our atmosphere was one of those big games that was a board game at the VHS at the same time. And we have that because we've been giving it years ago. I keep wanting to use it for an episode because we can play the video online. It's online.
So we could play the game and have the YouTube video running in the background and play atmosphere. As a thought. You see, this is my point, right? Yeah.
Even though those games that were sold with VHSes, you can't use the VHSes now. No one's got anything to play it. But you can play it because it's been uploaded to YouTube, right? Yeah, if you're looking off more modern games from the last 10 years, say, that have an app.
Yeah, that's when you're following the app. Then the app gets take down. You'll fuck forever. Yeah, so that's not bad.
That's a terrible way to do it. And yeah, so we got, which was based on Google search, and the board game was made incorporated with Google and the Google went, Well, we'll have given up on this now. We're pulling out the app and now you can't play the board anymore. How is that a good way of doing this?
It's not. It's that whole churning out of contents. Really well. It's the app that doesn't work anymore.
But at least with these. You get the point of making it,music it, can you can preserve it. Yes, there is a certain. Yeah.
You're right. There's a say meant to preservation involved with that but there is with the feature not. You can't put it at, good, good. I too.
It's a pyramid shaped box. He's signing me. accurate to history or anything that generic Egyptian iconography this guy's got to and common and he's at the side of this pyramid as if there's a huge tomb as if it was a giant that was a bit on the sword the pyramid as well was a big button and said to and comment oh my god you did it I did it I'm sorry that jokes fixed to high health knows the Patrick Obanachia this is something which is called quest pyramidal in French oh yeah quest pyramidal I think it's like a mistake yeah wow it's a puzzle for the rabbit that's just a cardboard flaps it's underneath it's like a wooden where's that's getting all this stuff of cherry shop I imagine there's ash next time you send stuff bit more information on where you got it please it helps for this all players passport so this is involved in what it's must be the manufacturers you get loads of notes this involved this little booklet helps you solve that it does pyramid because I think it's like an escape room box where you got it on open bits it's all made with pieces of wood so eight and nine so there's different types of games you can buy and the pyramid is quest eight and nine yeah that's just for that's a brochure for everything isn't it but then what do I have to do with the pyramid it's all layered bits of MDF is that like wood that's been carved just various ways cheap wood I'd imagine yeah yeah it's a pyramid MDF puzzle all look there's these arrows here well I think there's dials here you see this yeah halfway up one side there's some dials and little numbered bits that I can slide we could make this a cheap shots video as I was trying to solve it as I thought there is a little toggle there yeah a toggle that's built into it basically you have to unlock it probably don't dismantle it and look there's a it's been etched into it's nice nicely made nice thing it's probably cheaply made but it doesn't feel cheaply made it's ESC there does that mean escape symbols you have to display holes again this might be a cheap shot again this puzzle I bet mr puzzles done it I bet like yeah let me just read this puzzle you know mr puzzles is that you do but when he solves the puzzles he sounds like he's in like Euro porn oh actually it says he goes oh yeah I saw the puzzle I made a sneaky puzzle come out yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh sneaky puzzle oh he gets like that that's why it's a little dirty mr yeah yeah it's a great puzzle solving you too but by the way everyone miss a puzzle two weeks moved in the episode 300 live we did the brothers the douche douche brothers it says it will take between 60 minutes and 90 minutes to play the difficulty is 4.5 out of 5 that's high there's two QR coated to help you learn about this that the other should we try it one time on video then because it could take up to an hour for us to do it you could come down the video I mean we don't have to put the whole thing I would like that I was a kid function with it yeah that's yeah cool but I don't know if this little book of puzzles because they're all the puzzles in it whether they're related to the pyramid or whether they're just little fun things as part of the other rules of the game here and I never got the rules yeah that's an advert book yeah okay should we put this away you don't want to lose any no look at the rules in English yeah cuz it oh yeah see okay you can scan the code if you get stuck yeah and then you can put it back together once you solve it you have to set them at numbers at certain things do not prize it by force yeah so there you go there's a lot of that stuff in the world these days isn't there puzzle is a big thing yeah and it's related to the people all game and to just there's a lot of that kind of hobby and going don't don't mess with it though I'm not going to start in the virgin position well providing that has been taken before we got to it I don't think it has because it got very complete there's a lot going on in here a lot going on so we will bring you the highlights of the video so maybe next year when we get to this and now for the final item the one that Ash was warning us about okay but the something about the cover can we read that bit of the letter again we'll do that after this little break you've got the letter because you took it off me it's right behind you see let's see what that little bit okay okay it's please in capital letters please make sure you fully inspect the disc case I see you got one yes CD cases I swear to you this is exactly how it was sold to me so when I read that I was like what does this mean because here's the thing this is just a CD wallet right it's a CD wallet in yellow lemon translucent not translucent transparent but I was just looking through it and it's just looks like the sky's collection of free horror movies you got with the Sun oh but I mean what do you think they say ash doesn't think no but you said inspect it closely if you take them all out and that's what I want I like you to do now so we'll read them out well just quickly go through the ones that you can see as you turn it don't look too hard just flip them over what we've got hell razor the son horror classic you know wick the wicker man yeah fine fine it's the classics from the Sun evil dead it's cool so little smaller of CDs I want these scanners great kronoburk horror hellbound hell raised a two fine sequel to hell really yeah it's fine I like Stephen King's children of the corn you know flowers in the attic all the kind of stuff you expected to get away Halloween yeah all for giving away through the newspaper dawn of the dead so I was just like okay he's got he collects horror films he likes his horror films and there's some blanks at the back yeah the blanks is when I started getting worried because they're like a water on the blanks and then I noticed that the thickness of the sleeves a little thicker than the other DVDs in there so I have a little look about what he's hiding hiding an extra DVD in each page so to speak you put one on one side but they're to I know he's managed to a slip and actually one of what they are don't know extreme teens pumpkin media Britain's most extreme teens there's full penetration on the cover of this seed doing on basically this is a little joke was it really you bring out the rest of the porn yeah let's just get let's just read these out as they go Britain's most extreme teens from the media I don't know what that means extreme teens but that sounds horrible off the back this is escort DVD with farmers purporting to be teenagers with a DVD called give them enough group let's see explain what's on the back of it it's one young lady but stride another young lady yeah in the camera but one of them's got their bum towards the camera and he's looking over there so yes anyway I don't want to be describing porn covers here but that's what we're doing for this second episode we'll get used to that the next one is called grandad to go no presents young girls eat old cum it's just a lady who's licking her fingers yeah she obviously has a lovely time next oh this is why give them enough grope to hang themselves yeah it's like to auto fix the idea of carrying yourself away I got carried either way with myself last night I knew he's gonna cut it out yeah this one's called deep inside tight teen holes well the next one is a Brazos one so Brazos is a reputable band of pornography and this one's called simply and almost innocently at this point doctors adventures volume 17 I want to know what they're a doctor of because it's a two behind this one I mean what are you gonna do with these I don't know oh this is from a company early hi it's called big two big for 18 plus teens four two big what's too big I don't know what could be too big for a 18 plus teen why is it so specific about what kind of teen they are I know well because what they're saying is this is legal even though we want you to enjoy yourself hoping they're not isn't it that's what they're basically saying I don't know yeah it's a DVD for the price of one on that one very next is old pumpkin media is bad yeah the cocks are too big no that's quite the presumption if you are big there's a cock there and there's a young lady and she is a ghast next is it oh it's another pumpkin media one and this one these are all British porn films as well which is why I feel croaks my sisters are slot and there's a picture of a very erect penis going into the rectal of a eagle anal on the cover of the DVD you know so you know what you get them that's the most explicit so far yeah oh and there's two behind this oh god there's so much porn in that thing British office calls to just a lady on the front of that one in a in a bra and pounds which is actually quite reserved considering oh here's another one eight sunset media is called sweet arts quality teen porn since 1975 wow the best of hot lesbian 18 plus teens strengthens your Jerga bot it doesn't say Jerga bot I think it's something in German it was just like maybe well that's a poor company that is as old as I am yeah I was born in 75 and that's the collection how many pawns do we have nine I believe okay so now we have one two three four five blank DVDs and the question I need to ask you now is do we put one of these into my Blu-ray player and just see what's on it sure do you want to roll the dice fine because we don't know what's on this I mean all of a sudden find ourselves in a murder case if we don't know what's on it we've got this inspector yeah so shall I hammerly shall I stick the you know who his uh his main suspect is though who there's gonna think about what you want is Benjamin Benjamin yeah Denton Fenton not Denton Fenton and Desmond Desmond Fenton either way I'm looking at what he's at random I don't I mean I don't know what's gonna happen here you think it'll be born it's not going to be anything personal I hope it's porn because what I don't want it to be is a woman in a basement crying as a blad comes into shot as the camera comes out that I think the chance of that is very low poor we don't fucking know it's the risk we're taking on this podcast I wonder why they donated them without checking back on to prison so a lot of this stuff was probably donated to a charity show I look for fantasy this is a murder because if I think it's then it won't be he's put the DVD into this nice little player he's got there right I've put it in okay okay I'll be able to play this disc can't play that disc mate you want to try another one right next can't play that disc I'm gonna go ahead and say that maybe they just not format it yeah must be yeah so no it's not playing that well that's an anti-climactic occurrence but probably for the best oh just another horrible thought mate well these whites before we pick them up because we know you got a handful of some more in your hand and you don't know the sticky fingered residue of the owner of those no no I'm gonna well they'll try more than he's trying more if I had a disc drive maybe I could test that but I don't not working everybody if you'd like this segment to come back where where you like look at grumbling like this where you just put one disc into your play after another and it never works nice it it commentate you on it because I like this as a format it's kind of something going calming I've got any more don't put any of the gravel on I'm not gonna let you put porn on you should get rid of these he's gonna see the hardcore porn plays he's looking for this favorite title this isn't the segment I had in mind poor don't there's gonna be loads of ads on this one oh god this is a new load for us poor yes oh it's playing it's playing good hooray DVD video oh we're sorted here all right come on love get your titties out oh doctors adventures you think they're proper doctors that's just not even that's so unfunny oh look at that oh here we go oh she can't do that he's in bed oh he's looking at that she's looking at Willie EI she can't do that she's meant to be a doctor can we finish the episode please yeah do you want to finish it off no he wants to be left alone but stop I'll leave you to it stop the DVD you enjoy your video give me the controller he's still in the room everybody I'm just saying if the NHS was like that more often we'd have less good place about it oh dear that's right we watch a lot of porn is to press me the whole the t-shirt got a bit what I know it's fine a little bit of a little bit of lipstick you could keep those oh they're going in the bin as soon as they're trying to the bin a child might find them and the snow they won't watch child launching through the bins in a wasteland happens to find pornography and then find the player to put them on good luck to them better than British to them right so that's very irresponsible of the person who donated it I think happened guy came home from work or whatever I cleaned out your room oh mum I took that back down to the charity shop could be something like that do you have me DVDs yeah you're horrible you know what you know boy you got no blue race no but yeah yeah good us here going oh fuck my horrible life anyway that's the list of ashes stuff right that's it ash thank you very much for that bag of interesting items it's just very depressing this very world very nice you know the thing is I if I want to watch grumble stuff now it's the internet it's a world but if you're if you're someone who wants the who likes to preserve physical media then yes there's that but also people when you're online it's less private to send it someone can conceivably check your or yes you can find out that you don't want people know what people know with those DVDs just you the DVD player and a lighter and a fox or clean x or whatever yeah or I like to do a patello my deli I like a little bit of the cat so there's a tap of three laces oh no that's real that sounds real everybody what I like to call my cat you know what was your favorite item saw did definitely not the porn but I wanted to ask for what was your favorite no sign additions of those horror films yeah are they gonna be crappy quality I mean as good as I mean probably not the best no they're probably taken from whatever was original root source of the DVD release yeah but you know that could be quite bad yeah so you don't know where you're getting it yeah but for a free if you really want to get the wickerman on DVD fine I'd rather have a Blu-ray that I take a Blu-ray over there actually as it goes anyway what was your favorite item my favorite item I think the badge is am I I liked the judge for the Timmy Malibu yeah so you're gonna say Timmy Malibu was the best thing yeah I might go with the board game because it might be worth investing but also I did like that pyramid thing oh yeah that's nice but the thing is I get puzzles and things and lab and I love them yeah I never play them so if we do it as a video that means I'll actually do it yeah I mean I mean just film it set a camera up and just film it for as long as it takes and I add it together I like to do it yeah maybe that's my favorite I did like those jokes I like anything the word oikman I was thinking about the word on the other day yeah I might be psychic yeah I was thinking I put a towel down over my day to catch all my oikman yes I was thinking we haven't said oikman enough in the in the podcast I literally was I had that thought yesterday well look I think we've made up for it it it pops up it pops up that was a blue raise up made me take the lip stick lipstick powder and paint a lipstick you keep not being able to say lipstick as well you know lipstick powder and taint oh wait they're power and taint now lip stink powder your taint your paint take out of your paint laugh I'm only a stick come on put some tuck down right and that's this week's episode of cheap show thank you to Ash once again for everything and we look forward to receiving more from you in the future thanks for going please Ash anything you want to pimp before I say goodbye no my apart from my radio show the house of pickle sound show going strong on so-ho radio every two weeks to till four on a sunday and you can catch it where mix cloud just type in house of pickle sound show lovely lovely stuff I put a date or something it will come up there as for us look if you want links to any of our social media pages if you want to investigate the pages that we dedicate each episode of the podcast with pictures of videos you want to stop shop is the cheap show dot co-op UK and this podcast has only been able to go for as long as it has been going mainly because of the support of our patreon supporters now though love you thank you if you want to join them and access to videos and extra podcast and magazines and all these kind of lovely separate extra things go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and give what you can but only if you can and if you can't help spread the word elsewhere 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