Ep 421 The Other Side of Divorce with Susie and Paul Pettit

Zach sits down with Susie and Paul, a couple who found each other through the comment section of a meditation app, fell in love before ever seeing each other's faces, and eventually moved across the globe to build a life together in Wollongong, Australia. Both came out of 20-year marriages. Both made the decision to leave. And both arrived at this second chapter with a fundamentally different understanding of what a relationship is actually for.The conversation covers a lot of ground: the fear and courage it takes to end a marriage, what the brain does when it's protecting you from change, and why staying in stable misery can feel like the smarter option even when it clearly isn't. Susie, a life coach and host of the Love Your Life Show, talks about how she once saw relationships as a transaction, where she got something and gave something back, and how completely that framing has shifted. Paul, who has spent a decade studying, practicing, and teaching Buddhism and mindfulness, brings a steadying philosophy: you are the creator of your experience, not the victim of your circumstance, and your emotions exist to teach you, not to be avoided. Together they describe a marriage built on two whole people rather than two people trying to complete each other, and what it actually looks like in practice, including how Paul came back after a moment of frustration over grocery bags and said, simply, that he'd been a little unregulated earlier. Susie calls it the sexiest thing a man can do.What makes this episode stick is how honest it is about the cost of the path they took and the fruit of it. All five of their kids, across two blended families, are thriving. And neither Susie nor Paul thinks that's a coincidence.Key TakeawaysYour brain will give you every reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working because discomfort is still known, and known feels safeLeaving a long marriage at midlife is not a failure. Sometimes the most courageous act is moving toward discomfort instead of away from itA relationship is not a transaction. It's a container for self-growth and a practice in loving someone imperfectlyOne plus one should equal three: two whole, self-responsible people creating something stronger together, not two halves looking for completionThe most important things to cultivate in yourself and to look for in a partner: the ability to self-regulate and the ability to repairRepair doesn't have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as "I could have handled that more skillfully" or "I was a little unregulated earlier"Your emotions aren't happening to you. They're here to teach you something. The path through discomfort is the path, not a detour from itStaying in a broken marriage "for the kids" may be the very thing harming them. What children need modeled is not a facade of togetherness but emotional honesty and growthGuest InfoSusie is a life coach and educator who works primarily with women on emotional intelligence, relationships, and parenting. She hosts the Love Your Life Show podcast (now at 400 episodes) and runs a monthly membership called the Love Your Life School, which offers classes on emotional regulation, difficult conversations, and parenting coaching, along with live coaching. She offers a free podcast roadmap at her website for new listeners looking for a starting point. https://smbwell.com/Paul is Susie's husband and a decade-long practitioner, student, and teacher of Buddhism, mindfulness, and meditation. He is the author of 9756 Miles to Happiness, named for the exact distance between where he and Susie were living when they met. He is offering MTR listeners a free 15-minute consultation through his website, https://www.paulpettit.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.