Eli sat there dismayed and slightly bored, wondering what Paul would come up with and knowing deep inside him that it would be lame. And shit, and now I'm not doing this. Now I'm not doing this. Nah, he said, nah, I'm not doing this.
You're not doing this episode. You're not doing the episode. I've put you off. You've put me right off.
You've put me right off. You've put me right off. No, you know what Paul. I'm being serious.
Eli, right off. Eli, right off. Like a villain, baby, right off. Right off.
You want tossed me right off. Eli, right off. Like a masturbator, right off. Spoffed off.
Is it masturbation if I wank you off? A foot matter? No. No.
It's mutual masturbation. We've been through this before. We've been through the explanation of what mutual masturbation is and you don't understand it. And you've shown that you don't learn.
Yeah, I know now. You wank me at the same time. That's not mutual masturbation. Yes, it is.
Get fucking bet me money. I don't need to bet. We've already just educated me then. Once again, it's if I wank, we are watching you wank you.
I wank me, you wank you. So what is it that together? That's what we must do. Wank me.
Wank you. We wank you together. That's the way we're going to go. He likes you.
Yeah, I do. We all over the go. What is it that if you add me in your palm and vice versa? That's not masturbation.
What is that? Yeah, me giving you a reach around. No, we'll be facing each other. I want to see you.
Reach forward. I reach forward. Yeah. I reach your front.
That's not what I've been talking about. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? We weren't really talking about anything.
You just said you were expecting me to do something shit. And then I had something to say. Well, you want to say for the episode because I could take a pause, you go to the music, you can have a thing. I can't remember.
I can't remember what it was. But it was something with some content, something toothsome, with something to it, rather than just another fucking joke about arse wanking. How sick is everyone of that? How sick is everybody?
Probably very sick of that. No. That's it. I remember now.
Well, welcome to Jeep Show. I remember now. Well, welcome to Jeep Show. I'm going to say after the fucking sound effects.
You can, but we're not. The music music music. Play press the button. What?
Wait, wait. I'll be right after this. One day we'll get into the credits in a clean and concise manner. I'll be back.
But not this week. Jeep Show has a problem, Paul. That's what I wanted to say. Jeep Show has a problem.
Everyone put your eyes and forks down because all up to the front of mothers making a statement. We start Mother. We start every week. We start the episode and we both got really good intentions.
We relax. We're ready to work. We're ready to bring some joy, bring some humor to people's lives, to each other's lives, to do something with some purpose. And then as soon as well as I'll fucking mouth, he'll be like, ah, I'm not doing this now.
That's exactly what you did. I had a little joke about how your shit and you were like, I'm not doing it. I was going through a little character piece, actually. Oh, I had one sort of an art broken that we're not going to get one of your character pieces.
I had one sort of an art crying. Oh, another character from Paul. There's no precious. What's up boys and girls?
You'd like Paul to do his character piece? Why? OK. Hang on a minute.
Hello, welcome to the show. It's the quality comedy podcast. What do you like? I go through bog and binge chat with the challenge of panel and look for the treasure.
I'm going to take part. I'm going to take part. This is a character piece. I've only got one mate and I've got this one.
Yes. It's a character piece. This is going to be a one-man show moment. Hey, didn't see you there.
Well, I'm just doing some characters. Here's some characters. Hello, yes. Bring him in.
Yes. My next patient. I am William P. Peanuts, the penis doctor.
Hello, who are you? Hello, I'm Gaddaf, the ghost hunter. I've got a very stinky penis, but it brings me joy because I find all the ghosts and goolies. All right.
Let's see what you've got there then. Let's have a little sniffy, shall we? Sniffy sniffy. Make himself laugh, I don't know.
Sniffy sniffy time. Sniffy time. He's hitting the rocks, everyone. I'm getting bitten off more than you should chew.
I'm going mad. Help me. You shouldn't chew it. What's happening?
Oh, yes. I can smell the evil down. I've never sm- Sir, you've got a terrible case of Dobson's job. Or no, have you heard about Dobson's job before it's a terrible infection?
Well, my penis dropped off. Not if I apply this right now. It's not me too much of me. That's my character piece.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, I love that. I love that. Oh, no, I think Harold should have a second opinion there.
And luckily, I've got another penis doctor. It's Morris B. Knobsworth. GP.
Oh, hello, I'm Morris. P. Knobsworth. I, and I've diagnosed all sorts of maladies with the penis.
Oh, thanks, Doc, because I've got this rash. OK, I'll bring out my hearing. I'll give it a scritch. And I've got a...
Hello, I'm... What is everything you do? I pour knockoff of everything I do. That's what we do on the show.
Morris B, knockoff. Oh, God, it smells great. You're gnarly, you know. I'm a dorchelor.
We're a garriff. I need to... Oh, yes, I... I want to take a second opinion.
I want to take a second opinion. I don't know if you're evil. I'll have a good list of giving. Let me present it to you now on my thigh.
I'm not seeping a bit. Give me the scritch, will you? No, this is not my thing. OK, here we go.
Yes, it's obviously a powerful knob cheese. So, like us, which I've never come across before. I'd like to bottle your knob cheese. Oh, it's the chandelion.
Oh, it's a ghost. It's the ghost for the chandelion. Oh, my God, fuck off. And that's the end of the character pieces for this week's episode of Cheap Show.
So, this week on the podcast, we have got... Morris B Knobsworth, everyone. Something a little bit different. We're kind of doing something a little bit different.
Kind of retrospective. And here's a thing. So, we've never done before. A little bit of tech talk.
We're going to do that on the podcast today. Now, in other good news, the album should be winning its way now to those of you who have pre-ordered it. Is that the ghost of the Chutney album? No, there's no...
We're moving on to that. The Chutney album. The character's singing it. Yeah, OK, do you want to say a couple more times?
I mean, I haven't actually heard that part ever before. The Chutney album. It's good. I mean, huh.
It's like when you said trowel. It's like that big bird that has his common theme running throughout sometimes and narratively. The concept owl. Owl bum.
Owl bum. Nice, thank you. The album, yeah. All those little fairy birds and side eggshells.
The owl bum, yeah. So, if you have pre-ordered the Chutney album, if you have pre-ordered the Chutney album, you've probably got it coming your way right now. We've got Oz, we've put a video on YouTube, we've got some boxing them. And I've got mine now framed the first one I pulled out.
Lovely out there on the wall, Paul. Lovely thing. You'll also be getting your download codes as well, I believe, when you confirm your address via Diggers Factory. And then, I hope to miss that out.
Luckily, we have 50 left that we can sell. So, is the extra LPs going on public sale? So limited edition. Well, not limited edition, but limited sale.
I guess it is, really. It's fucking limited as fuck, mate. It is. How many copies total?
We've been like 300 plus the 23 we got sent to distribute. And some of those are going out to people who can contribute to the album in some form. Some will be kept as a prize. We'll get into it close to the live show, we'll be giving away some test press, exclusive covers, that mean you live door not sells.
Yeah. But other than that, if you missed out and you want to get it, I think soon, we'll tell you as soon as we know, check socials and our website. But effectively, Diggers Factory will sell those surplus 50 albums, and you can get your hands on them, and the download codes as soon as they are available. And that's that.
We hope you enjoyed it. It will lead in to 450. The planet is 450 will lead into the beginning of the album. Yes.
And you shouldn't listen to it. It just doesn't mean special prepared for 450. We've just had a little session there. Can you remember that mutual masturbation means two people wanking?
Yes. But just, you know, in the same room. Oh, very even person. I just thought it was when you touch a lady and she touches you, that's figuring it and knobbing up.
That's what that is. Is it? Yeah. Oh, Eli, you have such a way with words, don't you?
I'm going for a pint at the finger in and knobbing off. Good. Right. Is there any other news?
Really? No. Next week, with a little bit of luck returning guests to the show, who will it be? Oh, I think you'll like it.
That's it. I've got nothing. My brain just stopped it stalled. Yeah, I've other, I've other than that.
Well, you should have let me do more with that character. No, we've done the character stuff now. That's done. That's hard.
That's the hard line. Yeah, it is. Hard line in the sand I've drawn in salt. A salty hard line.
A salty hard line that you can't cross. I've got a salty hard line. No, you don't. No, you don't.
No, you don't. Come on, Paul. It's like a dirty slug. I've got a dirty slug in my pants.
Why? Because of salt. You're thinking foamy slugs. Yeah.
Killing slugs. Yeah. And you squeeze them and they'll go to the front. Like that.
I've never done that with a slug. Yeah. Have you done that to a slug? Why?
Every bi accident. Yeah. You grabbed a slug in your hand, squeezed it till the shit came out. It's it.
No, I'd call you. I'd call you half-stooled it without noticing. And then when I looked down and saw it half-breasted, it had like it in it coming out of its mouth. So then I just put the rest of me foot down because you know how to put weight on it.
No, good. You put that slug out and then it's probably all... We all... Whoa.
Whoa. So I put the sound effect in here now. Is this the right moment? I know why.
You just said, I've got nothing. I've got nothing. I've got nothing. Then it's like I killed a slug.
Look away. There's broadcast troubles. Blah, bleep, bleep, blah, bloop, tiktok. No.
Tiktok. I'll start again. I'll start again. Blah, bleep, blah, bloop, tiktok.
Blah, bleep, blah, bloop, Tiktok. Bloop, bloop, bleep, bloop, tiktok Tiktok! Blabble. Blabble, bleep, blah, blabble, blabble, blabble, blabble, blah, blabble, blabble, blabble, blabble, blabble...
This is a new segment for the podcast called, Tiktok Tiktok, where we look at some expensive tech and then some cheap tech and we see which one is actually the best or... most best! You need to be careful on the microphones, the signal editing out. You ruffling your big fat head on theila...
Because I try to move my muckus mouth out of the way. It's too late for that, you'll need... ...I know it like it. Sorry!
do over when you're talking and then I have to edit everything you say up and you don't want that. I think you should explain the new segment better. Tect or C Welcome we look at some tech and some of it could be quite expensive for, you know, high-end and then we look at some similar things that aren't high-end and cheaper and we go oh, what's all that then? Because I have to get a present for a relative of mine right and I bought it.
I've got here and I realised it was gesturbingly cheap considering what it's up against. So something that does the same. So what you're saying is we take two pieces of equipment, technology, technical, technical, technical. That do exactly the same thing or similar thing.
Yeah, basically. One's very expensive, one's very cheap. Yeah. And we say, is it value?
Bit like Brown Brand off. Brown Brand off still. Has a technical. Has a technical.
Right. First of all, I can least say I didn't spend money on this because it was kindly donated to me by Tom from Channel 84. And then plus five. But a few, a little while ago, he donated me this.
This is the little handle. It's a retro pocket three plus. I think that's what it is. You have a little look at that.
So I just want to pull up the price of it. It's got quite a heavy field substantial. Yeah, it feels like a nice little thing. And it looks like a sort of see through shell.
Yeah. So you can see the govins. Yeah. Coloured plastics.
I like that. I like the transparency as well. So effectively what it is, it is a game. It's like a switch.
It looks like one of those. And the idea is it plays ROMs of classic games from the past. It certainly does. It's a simulation.
No, simulation. What's the population? What's the population? Emulation machine, right?
Oh, Google Chrome on it. It connects the internet. Well, this is the thing. That actual software seems to be a form of Android.
Now, I'm not a tech person. Oh, yeah. It's like a phone layout here. But when I set it up, I had to join it up with my Gmail account and all this stuff so I can transfer files and whatnot.
It's touchscreen as well. Yeah, it's also touchscreen. So now, to use the shoulder buttons, can I select a game? Yeah.
What you got into the game boy? You got into the game boy games. And there's hundreds of game boy games. That's the original Donkey Kong.
Yes, the game boy. What's called Donkey Kong 94? Because it starts off as a recreation of the original arcade machine and then develops into a portal platform. Honestly, it's one of my favourite game boy games.
Yeah, go for it. OK. But if you were to scroll with the shoulder buttons, you would have seen there was PlayStation, the Mega Drive, Super Nintendo, some N64. There's a GameCube one on there that's just about works.
It pushes it to look when it gets above that. You need to tap the region. I'm familiar with these kind of devices, Paul. But they've been going for years and they seem to be getting better and better.
And some universal handhelds, basically. Yeah. And Retrooid is one of the market leads into the recognized brand. And this is the Pocket Retrooid Pocket.
It's full. Plus three, whatever that means. Because there are multiple models of these things. Can I ask?
I've selected Donkey Kong. We're now saying select a playable item. Donkey Kong Japan USA, SGB enhanced, or Donkey Kong World, Rev A, SGB enhanced. That means they're region based versions of the game.
Which one should I over the top one? Top one, because that's been augmented with the Super Game Boy converter for the game, because it's got color added into it. They need to be pulled. Everybody, Paul used to be a video game journalist.
Video game journalist in the previous life. It's such a cliche. It's such a cliche. Is it a previous life?
Is it a previous life? It is. It's only in your life. It's not a literal previous life.
No, that's it. So, why say it. Stop saying it. Because people are talking about it more than that.
I'm a different person. Fuck off. There is no self. It's an illusion.
More philosophical, isn't it? I'm not the man I used to be eccentric. No one you are. It seems I get close to a thoughtful thought.
He goes blah, blah, blah. Mine go off. I think the penis doctor. That's another problem we've got in the cheap show.
I like the characters more than you. Your character. I would say the same for you. I would love to hang out with Grumpy Sessie.
Just hang out with Grumpy Sessie. Wow, this is a black and white. That's what it came out for. The original OG game boy.
It's resolution. Nice crystal clear. How much do you think that costs? I've got problems with it.
I think Tom says this as well. Some of the build of it is not great. The shoulder buttons feel a little loose on one side. I think he said there was problems with the shoulder button that they came off and hard to repeat.
There's a pair of shoulder buttons on each side. Overall it's a high quality product. I'd say it. Legally it's a different discussion.
All those games shouldn't be on that. Just dumb all the ROMs on it and play it off it. He's playing Donkey Kongs. You've got the normal buttons.
Press start. Here's where the problem. The pause and the stop button. The pause and the select button.
They're on the top. Quite hard to get your fingers to sometimes if you want to pause the game. It also comes with tricks and traps in that you can do safe state anytime. No matter what the game is.
You can save it right there. You can go back to your safe state and not lose a lot of lives. There's flames coming at me. Immediately they go into the barrel once they hit the ground.
With all that being said, the buttons are amazing. How much do you think it costs? I'd say about 120. So prices vary.
It's about for a while now. But at the moment that costs in some markets. If you go to a company called Joy-X or Joy-X, they're selling it for £180. I've seen eBay prices for about the same and less.
So there are modern versions of that now. Newer models that play more and do better. They're always bringing out new versions. But value for money, not bad.
Until I watch this YouTube channel. They were doing this thing where it's like, we buy from Wish, we buy from AliExpress. We see what crazy tech they've got which costs nothing. They had this one thing.
Another game emulator. I hear it. I didn't get from Wish or AliExpress. I got it from Amazon because they had the exact same thing on Amazon.
I suppose this is not going to be much cheaper than this item. This is the retro. Here's the other one. It's called Game Console, R36S.
This is a clone of a clone, basically, because there's another company. Forget the name of it now. They did the original model from this. This is effectively like, you don't see all those knockoff gameboys.
They've loosely modeled on the gameboy. Not this child. Yeah. But this is a soup version of this because this does the exact same as the other.
But it looks more like a gameboy. If that would lay it out. If that would lay it out. It would be advanced or switch.
This one's more like a traditional gameboy. With a screen above the controls essentially. In an upright rectangle. You know what I mean.
Let me just turn this on for you. You can have a look around that as it boots up. Why do they all go for the transparent case? In this case I chose that.
I wanted to be transparent because it reminds you of Gameboy Color. Whenever I see them though, they always advertise it because this one's the same. It's a popular color because I think people remember the Gameboy Color version of this model. I had a Gameboy Color that one.
Ooh. Now here's what I was thinking. I get out of this. No, shoulder buttons on the back.
I think it's rocky. They're nice. I like the shoulder buttons. I think it's a little bit.
You've got smaller hands like me. I can already feel like I've got it for me. It's a little bit more playable. You've been cramps.
My fingers overlapping at the back. My fingers are overlapping at the back. Yeah. It's more stretched out.
I'm going to be like, yeah, make it weird. I left that running on the table before. I think it's going to play Tetris over and over and then halfway through it failed out and then started playing the Mortal Kombat theme. You know from the movie.
Mortal Kombat. That one. Classic game. So you go into Gameboy and you scroll down and into Classic Game.
What's it doing? I don't know. Rock Man 2. Rock Man 4.
They are the original. They might be any other. Gameboy version. I don't know what version is.
I don't know what version is. I'm in the Gameboy file. Give me a second because it should. I like the screen size.
Again, the resolution seems exactly the same. It's funny. I don't know what it's not doing. You can go through PC Engine, Mega Drive or Nintendo, PlayStation, System 2, Advanced, Options, Famicom, Game Gear.
This one doesn't seem to be working on Android. This is the whole presentation. This is very good. Yeah.
I've got a drop-down menu with loads of it. Yeah. But look, you get music on it. This is Doom.
Yeah. But randomly it's just playing Doom. It's nicer. And the screen's really nice as well.
And the buttons are a little bit clacky. It's smaller. It's a little bit clacky clacky. The buttons on it.
You know. Like everything's a little bit. Load up a game for me. I want to play like Street Fighter.
Street Fighter II. I'm not going to game boy. Yes. Somewhere.
Internet Coins is saying, oh, is it Street Fighter? No. Yes it is. Yeah.
Hey. It's not buttons are in the middle there now. It's not buttons are in the middle there now. It's not two coins.
And just like the other one, it's just like twin stick kind of analog controls. You'll even know your bill used them for the games you're playing it with. Okay. One.
What's going on? Oh, you're all right, Grandad. Here we go. Right.
You're going to get it right there. Oh, now all these are going to get it's our speed now. Yes, because I don't know these special moves. Not very good.
Then I knew the special moves. So you're fighting Raoulou or something. Oh, this isn't the version I remember. Oh, I did how Duke and it's fucking ass.
Oh, please. I'll do it. Oh, I've totally how Duke and again. How Duke and how Duke and?
Well, he's enjoying that. Duke and I can do it. I can do it. You're beating him.
Or are you kicking your ass? I don't press up. I don't press up. I'm going to be fucking dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
No, he carried me. Oh, he beat you in. Oh, no. Oh, you really played it on with the episode.
Anyway, that's good. I like that. I would say this is just as the screen's a little brighter, it's a little bit sharper. I don't know if the sound coming out of the speakers, all that brilliant.
But for what it is, how much do you think? It cost me? I think on Amazon. I know it's cheaper because it's a thing, isn't it?
Yeah, I know. But I'm 60. It was on sale, admittedly, it was on a discount, but it was £30. Wow.
£30 for that. And they tend to go for that. So much like fish and chips cost these days. And they usually go for about £35.40.
It depends on the seller. I've seen some people sell this for 90. I have a question. Yeah.
For both of these devices, do I have to pay more money to get the games? No. Or do I have to do some work in order to get the games? OK, so this one came preloaded with everything on it.
I literally turned it on and it was all there. So that's illegal just for the record. Oh, OK. I don't own them.
So they're full. I shouldn't have them as a ROM on this. The ad was on with happy descent. It's exactly right.
Right. So it can't be that illegal, can't it? This fucking thing's really hard to turn off, though, because the whole button down, then you do, it just reboots. Anyway, so that's that.
And then the retro, this is built on the idea that it's just selling you the shell. So you have to add the games yourself to this. All I'm saying is they're both dodging certain respects, but this one's more upfront about how dodge it is, because it all comes packaged. It's all one package, which is obvious dodge.
Whereas this one's more like, well, you can buy this. If you put Gator, that's not what I see, because it does other things as well. You can do email on this if you want. Which is a bit like the Risler papers.
Like the long Risler papers. No, it's because truckers have one big long swan when they drive because you want to make many more. And if you put marijuana in it, that's not what it is. That's not what it is.
That's not what it is. Unfortunately, what's that? If we market these buzz bombs to young women, if we make them nice and bright and colorful. I like them.
I like them. I drink them all now. I drink them all now. Okay, so my point is overall, what would you, if you had the money spend on, would you get that the small one?
Absolutely, I would. Generic name console, RS5. I absolutely would get that one. I prefer this one.
Yeah. But I think the type of games I'm likely to play are gonna be more... I'm getting old now. I like the L'Archo.
My puzzle. It's got loads of puzzle games, like 18 different types of Tetris, Poio Poio Pop. I love Poio Poio. It's the most doctor robot in the team.
All of that. And do you know what else columns? I've got all of that. I get into games like that.
I like the larger ones. I like my platformers. I like my kind of Zelda type stuff. I love platformers.
I love the Marios. I mean, those are the games I've loved in recent years. Well, that was a way for it. Marios 3D, it went.
With the team, we're all lands. No. What about the... No, Troy, it will have everything up to about PlayStation level.
Right. And it might even put it like N64, but they haven't got any N64's built into this. That's what, generally, with these things, I've seen over the years, these emulator, handheld emulator things. They tend to struggle, don't they, with N64 in particular?
Yeah. Why is that? Just because they still have an intent of cracked emulator, they're own games that well themselves. People can play about some of the Switch ports of like 64, it's like 64, it's like 64, and 64, and things.
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know the weeds of it. That's not a man like me to say, because a man like me don't have the information for you.
It was a previous life, after all. It was a previous life. I mean, back then, I haven't really talked about my life as a game. And maybe I will one day, but it's not today.
You weren't a game, you were a gaming journalist. That was Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok. Oh, I'm going to that soon. Be tiny.
Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, TikTok. Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, TikTok. No, you shouldn't be a Chasenday thing. Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, TikTok.
Like that. Like Chasenday thing. I see one more time. Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop, TikTok.
I like this. All right. That's it. Blop, Blop, Blop, Blop.