Ep. 46 - The DARVO Pattern: When the Person Who Hurt You Makes Themselves the Victim

The DARVO Pattern: When the Person Who Hurt You Makes Themselves the Victim Dr. George Vergolias introduces The Unstressed Exec and explains DARVO, a manipulation pattern coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, describing how it shifts accountability so the harmed person becomes the problem. He breaks down each stage with examples, explains why DARVO works by exploiting empathy, moral identity threat, and social uncertainty, and cites research showing it increases self-doubt, self-blame, and guilt in the confronter. Dr. Vergolias outlines where DARVO appears in intimate relationships, workplaces, family systems, and high-conflict divorces, and presents a composite corporate case study illustrating the sequence and organizational enabling. He offers real-time recognition signs and a six-part response framework: internal awareness avoid defending against attacks acknowledge distress without guilt use a broken-record approach document interactions disengage via formal channels when needed Sections: 00:00  Welcome to the Show 01:28   DARVO Explained 03:14   The Three Stages 08:51   Why DARVO Works 13:09   Where It Shows Up 20:09   Corporate Case Study 24:35   Spotting It Live 28:57   How to Respond 37:05   Closing Reflections   Get the Conflict Whisperer Workbook! If you’re finding value in these episodes and want to go deeper, check out my workbook: “The Conflict Whisperer: From Conflict to Clarity : A No-Nonsense Guide to Managing Conflict in Every Relationship.” It’s packed with real-world strategies, over 75 reflection exercises, and neuroscience-backed tools to help you navigate conflict without losing your cool — at work, at home, or in moments of personal crisis. Whether you’re going through a breakup, managing tension with a partner, or leading under pressure, this workbook gives you a practical roadmap to turn conflict into clarity. You can grab your copy now on Amazon — here is the link below 👉 https://www.amazon.com/Conflict-Whisperer-Workbook-no-nonsense-relationship/dp/1835565514/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title   About the Host – The Unstressed Exec Meet Dr. George Vergolias — a clinical and forensic corporate psychologist turned executive coach with 20+ years at the intersection of leadership, mental resilience, and high performance. George has advised Fortune 500 companies, guided C-suite leaders through crisis, and coached high-achievers to reclaim clarity, calm, and purpose without losing their edge. On The Unstressed Exec, George brings powerful insights from the boardroom to the mic — helping leaders navigate stress, burnout, conflict, and transformation with practical tools and no-BS wisdom. If you're ready to lead with strength and sanity, tune in. And when you're ready to go deeper, reach out for one-on-one executive or leadership coaching. This isn’t therapy — it’s your next level. Let’s build the life and leadership you actually want. 🎯 Listen. Grow. Lead — at The Unstressed Exec 📩 Stay Connected: Website: www.theunstressedexec.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.unstressed.exec TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@the.unstressed.exec Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.unstressed.exec YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The_Unstressed_Exec If you like The Unstressed Exec podcast please leave me a review and rate! For more info on my coaching services, keynote speaking and guest speaker/podcast opportunities, please visit my website at: www.theunstressedexec.com