little question for you. Little question for little old me. After last week's innovative breakthrough, perhaps best podcast of all time episode. What are you going to do for us?
Well, this magic pool, what are you going to bring? What little tactic to open me up to open the world up? What tactic are you going to use? What little fucking...
It's not as in prying. You know this has been out in India. You know this is going to happen, didn't you? Yeah.
So what's the strategy? Well, after last week, if you didn't listen, I attempted to do a whole episode by only using 50 words, but it was a massive success. But you only came up with that idea after you'd said considerably more than 50 words. And you said a whole bunch at the end.
Yeah. Which is why, after the credits of this week's episode, I will be attempting to do this episode in 25 words. I've got me a little trigger in. No, no, no.
So this week, it's going to be 25 words. I hope you're ready for it because I think... Oh, please, no. It's fine.
You did so well last week, mate. Oh, I see that you're turning the tables. Is that what this is? You're turning the tables.
Because I love it so much. Don't be honest. I'm phasing myself out of the podcast. You know, that's what they do.
These are some of these American guys. I'm not a bird, though. It's the same derivation. Bernie and Bernard.
Yeah. Is it? I can't have another name. A Bernie.
Hello, Bernie. Yes, that's a ladies name. Yeah, well, you did just think of another name, and I did. Oh, I think of another name.
Alan. Good one, Alan. Yeah. Right.
So after the credits, we're going to be doing 25 words episode of Cheapshow. No, please, no. Please say that's not true. Yes.
Why not? You love it. You get to do nonstop talking. You love it.
I don't think we should keep this bit going. Why not? I'm pushing the boundaries, mate. This wasn't the same.
Think about it. It's fucking nothing. Yeah, that's what side James Silent Bob did. I'll say him also, whatever his name is.
The James Silent Bob. Yeah. Is he dead now? No.
No way. They both very much live. As of recording. Right.
No, he's hinting at everyone. The curse of Cheapshow there. That's why he said that side of recording. Drop like flies.
Yeah. That's because we talk about old cans. That's like Bernie Winters and Snorkels. Well, he's dead already.
Both of Schnorbitzes. How many Schnorbitzes do you think he got went 83? 83. He probably shot them after a year when they started to lose their looks.
I think elasticity. They got a bit longer than the two. He just put a bullet in the back of their heads. And he probably ended up in those turkey burgers.
That Bernard Mackie went down the burner chain. Lovely. What are you saying? Beautiful.
That's it. Fuck's sake. He said beautiful. Bernard Winters said.
Yeah, they're both in the same drawer in my head. They are. Bernard Mackie's. And Bernard McRibbons.
And Cribbons is in a different drawer. No, he's in a different box. No, Cribbons. Cribbons.
Cutter Buff. Right. Well, that's what The James Show is about this week. So join us as we continue our Cheapshow Odyssey over the next hour or so.
Come along. Hey. No, no, no, that's it. Right.
Hi. Can you have again? Paul's had a tough weekend, everybody. I love when he did that as well.
Let's open the door. Let's do the door thing. Hang on. I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing that. No, it's a silent ladder. I've greased it. It's very, very slick.
We're at the top. Hatch open. Come out. Right.
Because I can say whatever I want, I'm outside the podcast. Okay. So that's good. Keep coming up and down the ladder.
I'm committing to this 25 word thing this week. So I've already said three. So I'm going to try and save most of it for the ball game bit at the end. Because we're going to do a cheap eat today.
And then we're going to do a Ganton game. I don't know, Paul. Why? You can do it.
I believe in you. Right. I'm going back into the podcast. Can I just say as well?
You know what? Easy. It was at last week's episode. Oh my God.
You banged it up. You mean to everybody. Are they even listening? Are we outside the podcast?
Are they here? Who? I don't know. The people.
Some people. I'm losing all my memories out. Yeah. I'm getting space fucking brain.
Ooh. Hey. I can't believe you're going to make me do this. I cannot believe you.
Touch, touch, touch. No, no, no, no. I'm in a weird space with my own thoughts. Where does it even pull?
25. Where do you get? And all the part over and deeper and there deeper and there deeper and there. Time for Kaxaral word.
Do you want protection for your family? Bob. A chat myself. I'm going to do this.
Here we go. Down the left. Down the left. We open the door.
I'll be down a sec. Can't. Come on there. I'll get back in there.
Hello everyone. I'm going to go over there. Hello. We go through the bargain bins, basements and bingo halls of Britain to find you the treasure amongst the trash.
I did well last week. Everyone thought I did well last week. No, no, no, no. They all loved it.
They said Eli really rose to the occasion and they didn't mean get a big reki as in a big erection and wanked it off and spunked up. Oh, now I get you. You see? I'm going to talk about spunking off.
Look, it's already, it's already, yes. Anyway, well, the cheap show. We talk about spunk, wank off. Spoth and bollock loads of blokey.
Stop getting cheap show wrong. Stop it. That's how many words was that? Stop getting cheap show wrong.
Stop it. Seven words. Yeah, almost done, bro. Okay.
Well, we do like here on cheap show pool to find the treasure amongst the trash and the delicious morsels amongst the detritus of the modern fast food and convenience food landscape that we find before us in the whole world. Often listeners will send in little courtesy packages full of yum yums, which we taste and we rate. Yeah. So who's got some yum yums up for us?
He really wants to join in everybody. Come on. I'm going to do two weeks in a row. I do.
He'll find some device to get out of it so soon. Look, look, I don't know why you're doing this. I love it. Can you hand me the thing and I'll read the thing.
Someone sent us some food, everybody. He does. He needs a rest. Paul had a very busy weekend.
Didn't you mate? So it's fine. I did. Yeah.
So honestly, it's fine. If you just hand me the paper, we can move on to the, you can just be difficult as well as not saying any words. Yeah. Honestly, what's that 21?
16, 16. Oh. Actually, like, what? 17.
Right. You just wait there silently for a second, Paul. Anyway, Paul, we've got some food there, and do we? He's nodding.
He's in a final shirt today, fetching. Goes with his combat pants, which are in khaki, but a darker khaki. Darker khaki. It's perfectly legit thing to say.
Don't look angry because I say darker khaki. I mean, a khaki of a lower, I don't know what I'm saying. Hand me the paper, please, and we can start this segment. No.
So what is it? Perhaps you'd like to mime again. What is it you'd like me to do here? Right.
Sing. Sing. Open up. Speak.
Speak a lot. Chat shit. Do Emu. Be Emu.
Be Rod Hull. Be Rod Hull having sex with himself. You know he did that. Did he do that?
Emu couldn't be gentle with a man's penis. Couldn't even his own man's penis. Do you think Emu was gentle? He wasn't.
He probably got us some rough stuff. Bad grab man. Bad grab man. You don't know.
Rod Hull was a light and was it light? It was pretty hardcore, wasn't it? Emu. Anyway, that's what he wanted me to do.
Talk about Emu for a bit. Was it, Paul? Talk more? We were sent a care package from New Zealand.
We've got listeners worldwide. So you're not New Zealand. That was a word. You said two there.
You've got two left. You almost said two left. I've done one too many five. Now what do I do?
You give up on this. I mean this with full politeness, Paul. Tired gimmick. It was fresh last week.
This week. It's like an old mattress left out in the cold. On a northern British street. Someone's gobbed up it.
Someone's just talking. Click it. We're talking. Sessantly.
Someone's probably shot behind it. I was going to say, I'm going to cheap show. I'll do all the proper admin. You skipped it all.
I'm going to do it again. Now we can move on. Stop it. Fine, Paul.
It's fine. I enjoy this. The leg up that I gave you last week to excel. I know.
Has to become a Neil. A Neil. A Neil. Do you want me to get all my knees?
Oh, yeah. I've got to keep talking about that mattress. Mate, I make you mouth water. Someone's just going to spunk on it.
No one's spunk on any mattresses. Someone's just going to be a spunk for you. It's home. In your spunk of mattress.
Behind it. When I dumped it out on the road. Coffee sounds haunting. All right.
We're going to do a few buzz balls onto it. We're going to move off. You have a buzz balls, Paul. You need them in Crystal Palace?
Yeah. Buzz balls. Yes. They got other flavours.
They're different flavours. Right. They're different flavours. Right.
Right. Right. Right. I'm going to move on now because obviously...
I'm talking about shit. What I think. No, please. Please, Mr.
Gannon please. Can you tell me you're fucking need me. Holy sick. He was sick.
It was such a disgusting thought. I need a poo because I'm a dirty baker. Okay. I was going to stop on that note.
She was the worst of books, his dirty baker. from this company called Sansa saying we tried to deliver this package to you but we can't can you please give us another address because P.O. boxes it gets kind of complicated some P.O. boxes can't be delivered to us via parcel force or international because it's due to the size of the actual box it's got something to do with some fucking bullshit about parcel force not delivering to P.O.
boxes anyway so I got this that I say can you give us an address someone's bought you a little box and I was like oh that's nice I got it and it came with this little letter from Sansa.co.uk delivering a slice of home right to your front door not spawns just reading it out no one says non-sponds anymore because everyone spawns it to the hills and also who's scared I go to sponsor us so everyone should just know that we're doing this of our own good will right here we go there's hello Paul and Eli over a year ago I said you're a parcel from New Zealand but completely forgot to enclose a letter I seem to remember that yeah you may recall the pink smokers which made quite an impression on you both at the time there's a little little pink kind of chalky sweets that came in a big bag of pink smokers which I thought was a horrible euphemism fine I'd like to include the old pink smokers yeah old pink smokers the old grey pink smokers the old grey pink smokers the old grey pink smokers whistle test big whistle test yeah great big whistling Bob tell you what I gave from the old whispering Bob that's not anyway it turns out that postage from New Zealand is hellaciously expensive and not really in keeping with the theme of the show quite right to therefore this time I'm getting some cheap Kiwi treats sent to you from a speciality supplier in the UK boom I hope you find these in good condition and that you both enjoy them can regards Matthew PS long live the chutney owl thank you very much there he is he's always in the rafters round here on cheap show the chutney owl and while the chutney owl is here let's get right into the first item because I'm right here let's do it this comes from Santa which I presume therefore do Antipodine type supplies expats well it could be the whole of the antipodines which includes Australia or it could be just New Zealand I don't say Antipodine there's a kind of room it's got flags on yeah it's got that one flag and then the one that's got a why on in green and then the other one I think it'll stay in the whole region they make sense to import food stuff from the whole region probably wouldn't it well the chutney owl is here oh chutney that's why he's been hanging around he's sensitive he could smell it he's very very sensitive chutney nostrils on that owl thank you yes the chutney owl very very he's very pigeon like to be quite anxious because he sees you fumbling with the fucking live this is I'll tell you what this is everybody yeah how we need this we hang on their spoons it's not it's very watery it's gonna I don't want any to just have a little bit I know this was coming I know this was the store okay I don't care about the chutney I don't care about why I'm the only representative of chutney tasters on this fucking anything liquid you don't like the sound of this is eff witlock and sons tomato chutney thick sauce see it's a source see they've actually said chutney and saucer same thing chutney and sauce is what is what separates the two I would have said in the British parlance that I grew up within Paul that chutney is a thick a much thicker condiment then this which is like this looks more watery than ketchup yeah it's sloshing about in this bowl what's it even doing this and ketchup well that's the question really well I need you to taste it with me my friends please will you smell it I'll smell it okay I've got I've managed to get the same thing about where you have famous chutney away and now chukneys more like a big load of bits in a sauce and yeah thicker thicker chunky more like chunky more like a say brides the pickle we had all these interchangeable things it's because sources I watched a whole video about the history of brown sauce the other day what did you know I didn't know how they form that band because I've only got two with a chance with a lot of brown sauce I got literally like seven copies of brown sauce I've got a couple banging around it's fucking ridiculous now Paul wanna be a winner optimally Paul might he's having a huff I always do I know yeah that is a very very tomatoy smell it's almost like a bloody Mary kind of smells spicy tomato yeah spicy tomato which is what those Pringles mystery Nintendo Pringles were spicy tonight at all those got fucking polished yeah by my flatmate yeah that's so much spice in it I'm handing it to a night oh yeah Christmas by cinnamon yeah you know winter winter grass or whatever it's very very it smells good well that's a very strong tomato for me this is kind of all like a daddy's scent the kind it's much stronger than daddy surely more vinegar more than it is but it's finger right in the neck and he's got some on his finger I bet it's quite sweet it is incredibly sweet actually it is incredibly sweet but honestly that was a little tub next to some fries lovely lovely lovely like a show yeah lovely yeah oh yeah it's very sweet well not like too sweet just sweet I don't see why you take this in preference to some high-sketch up though do you know anything it's almost like saying he could put that with pasta but that wouldn't work with pasta no there is that cinnamon you know that that spice note it's like an all-spoath that's what it's got as well yeah that sort of spice and that would give it right at the back though that on a steak or a barbecue to piece of meat yeah you know yeah I would really well a lovely sausage yeah or a nice big banger I think it would work better than on chips with me I'm just saying I can imagine it being so I like a big banger I like that I'm gonna hold on to that I'll have your finger in that all of it yeah set your finger down it's got it might have had my dirty big deal with it with your little pig smoker down what's next I'll tell you what's next after this right right shall we do drinky poos you want to do drinks yes do drinky poos because we got three drinky poos to do quickly thing oh I don't think this the thing yeah sure I knew you're gonna say that because yes that has been around V for years yeah I'm not in Britain anymore I mean I don't want those early early red ball competitors early early because I'm also sure we've virgin wasn't it virgin have we not done this already have it's V energy we're not gonna do it because it's got I've swear to God I've seen this in B&M all right give it a little taste like the other one I get the other one's a little bit more interesting so it's meant to be I maybe it just looks like it that's a different can than the one we think I don't know that looks like the stuff you get in B&M I'm sure it is not the ball around for years since the lip of it out lip of it out that lip of it and lip of it and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit but live over to and used to have a brand in Britain of all what's that what's there's a sense and show and coming off that it's really a piss color this way well that's what you'd expect oh you'll like that why it's got a real candy candy smell smell the candy all right it's not a candy oh god Christ that's sweet yeah sweet smelling is like well other bit yeah you know what it smells like it smells like cough medicine yeah you know that red cough medicine you point is like this and I have a whole bottle right now I love that red cough medicine oh god that's very sweet nice sweet or too it's fine sweet but I couldn't finish a can of that that's too much oh oh I quite like that yeah that's that's hardcore that's like a Red Bull right yeah that's medicine he tastes from the touring it's like old school Red Bull it's cough mixed you any kind of candy floss vibe crossover I could see if you had a terrible hangover that would kind of cut through yeah on a cold morning perhaps there's a mattress out there oh everybody next what is called fresh up and fresh excuse me it's classic fresh you go and fucking fresh up these balls are clean you fresh up if you're not gonna give anything of worth to the podcast then don't do anything at all it's what I'm gonna say fresh up seems to be if I'm guessing correctly the New Zealand sprite the fresh not coke but you like the kind of fruit drinks like a little sort of soda and this one is apple and orange they do have others apparently they have a large tin it's almost like a monster sized tin yeah they have harvest red apple flavor that's nice apple and summer fruits and then they have which ones you might recognize the more bottled one like a CD but this is fresh up and this is I think so the OG one if anyone can can can this can can wait what if anyone can if any can can can can this can can I don't know what the other can can means do the dance the can can but what's I could do with this drink and you see it if any if any can can can can can this can can yeah it works if any can can this can can can would be how it works I don't know the extra can can that's a word can can yeah look it up see a n c a n yeah yeah if any can any can meaning a can well this just says literally can refer to the 19th century French dance characterized by hiking lifting scare she does this does a dance in your belly and on your taste buds you know I mean it can can can can this can can yeah so all up the makes grammatical sense only when you know where to put the right emphasis on the word yeah but any can can can can this can can it's one of these little language games that people sometimes do like I found out how many times I could repeat the phoneme would by saying Edward Woodward wouldn't he and that's a lot of woods in a row there isn't it it's a similar thing would would would be what no that doesn't make a mathematical sense just a last word is spelled with the teacher's name he's always on call Mr. Wood at the end Edward Woodward Woodward Woodward Woodward Dickhead oh you get something there Edward Woodward would would wouldn't he wouldn't he would it's four words in a row but if you talk to one of the one on the end why can you get Mr. Wood in there you can't you can't you can't he's like you talk to Mr. Wood oh ten first time as would as well as three people me Edward Woodward and then Mr.
Wood what does he teach yeah would work yeah would work ah let's get another one in right so but they have to say what he's asking about what Edward Woodward do yeah and I have to go would I would first of his would or would he get my mate right it's like an in that's a break it up and I'm and he's going what would Edward Woodward would do what would Edward Woodward would do and I'd say Edward would would would wouldn't he would he would have a word this bullshit this is bullshit I know because I thought you made a breakthrough and getting woods in a row I got a lot of wood in a row so demonstrate give us the sentence the now more than four woods in a row in a sentence would it would be what would he I love it man love it when he just tried something and you're totally failing at it but it's more funny though when you do something and it's just drive anyway there is also a sentence which has had a load of times yeah well so it's a sort of linguistic game yeah cool you try and repeat the thing and that's what they're done here I think right oh just to explain it in full if any can we spent too long on this meaning the tin can if any can can yeah can can can do the door you can can can can this can can mr can you see what can on the end I'm opening it up all right good I'm gonna have all nice citrus or very fruit juicy on the nose I'd say yeah oh very apples and orange is much more juice than soda that's all right it's a juice drink oh it's like effervescent no it isn't and it's cloudy it's like cloudy lemonade I think you'll like it pour one out for the game yeah it's it's still and it's cloudy as fuck it's more like fruit juice fruit in a can everybody's all right happy with that it smells like that cheap yeah do you often feel it's unsettling when you open a can and the drink inside isn't effervescent yes it's a weird psychological thing where they can't it got to be fizzy not fizzy you know like weirdly smells kind of pineapple yes it's like that cheap just juice pineapple juice right it smells just like that no it says orange it just tastes like a really cheap fruit it's just concentrate it's made from concentrate it's not awful it's just like that type of food juice you got as a kid you know yeah a little bit weak just juice it's just juice no that brand just juice everyone knows a brand just yeah it's fine yeah we've got one more to go right last drink this is like what they last drink though Paul yeah it's like what they call nectar in the shops in corner shops and they're jamming yeah yeah so this one is called L&P lemon and Piero good lemonese off now I look this up and even though it is a New Zealand drink a parrot I'm gonna do the research on this do some research live research everyone because I look this up already because spoilers I look at the bag to pack it for today you can be smolt it for yourself exactly so I hope I get this right P A R O A pyroa pyroa often shortened to L&P is a sweet lemon flavoured soft drink manufactured in New Zealand it is considered key we honor and was traditionally made by combining lemon juice and naturally carbated mineral water from the town of Peru it refers to the town not an ingredient not a fruit yes no it's only from water fruit you know I thought that's why I thought that's why I never thought good enough before but it's called the water not terrier is named after the spring in it today is manufactured by coca-cocca exactly fucking back of the net and yeah it's been going I think since the oh no the origin of the drink is uncertain what the brand itself the company says it goes back to 1907 so it's been around the block yeah coca-cola really wants to buy up all of those ones from different parts of the world yeah like it put thumbs up in India which is their big cola brand you know they really moving on the sort of oldest most of beloved brands in these other parts of the world I've noticed they just hoover it all they're hoover it all up interestingly though they were saying that back in the day in the early 1900s they did a test of this drink because of the water that was used and found out that it had medical benefits such as constipation it said it had to be on a plane and that happens naturally everybody on a plane all get this in 1980 they got bought up by coca-cola after moving to Auckland in 95 I have a complaint was made on the fair trading act to commerce commission stating that the water in the drink now comes from Auckland rather than the perowah spring it should be renamed lemon and pan moor pan moor is the corallicator of the water company or move the company back to the original play for the water for me it's almost said no no no one's doing any of that yeah there are variations but we've just got this one okay well I'm excited you say the best of all that's my thought definitely there's a great big bottle of it outside their fact or the old factory and it's kind of nice it's a funky design yeah it's a bit like that old that big bottle of a oh it used to be in it oh it's no very last week we still there huh what's the smell uh facial glass yeah very very fake lemme only fake very fake this one's very strong but then we've often found strong scented drinks are very flavor for vice versa so who knows it's got a little bit of lemon pledge to it but that's just the nature of the beast I guess well pledgey it's busy it's very light yellow I love the yellow almost champagne I love the design of the can pick just on our website or on instagram if you want to see what we're looking at it's yellow lettering and a yellow lemon yeah splashes the word splashes and they're on black it's just that really nice contrast with the yellow wasps again the flavors are now it's very little yeah the sense very weak very pledgey but I'm gonna go in much lighter than the v in color it's like like you've had a pint and a half and then pissed you don't like the taste it's it's not awful I'm just kind of underwhelmed oh my god that's so generic it's weird because it's kind of like yes that does taste to some extent like raw lemon juice in the potted fizzy water however it has got that oh this is also good for cleaning your bathroom with kind of like it's just the most sort of basic lemon soda this is like our whites lemonade though oh that's better oh why is it better than that why because it removes that weird kind of antiseptic lemonade that pledge note that you are so strongly maybe I've got a lot of notes today yeah maybe this is like if this was ice cold and you're in New Zealand or something oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you go right down there I think you are correct the colder you can make that drink probably the more refreshing it is but I don't know and I'm very very sort of mid very mid I don't even know which is my favorite from those I think I like that juice in a can what was that called fresh up fresh that's my best name apple and orange that's my cool graphic design on that one as well actually quite sure the winner since 1962 the winners here for me Paul are the artwork on the can's I like the drink the v cam there don't care but these two I reckon they're reasonably iconic if you grew up with them and I'm brown especially the LP one definitely and it's weird that must do you think that's a standard size because it's like a big it's like a stretched coke can well it's more like a longer can shape in it that's a longer can yeah that's probably too much but who knows listen before we end the segment we're gonna just I was gonna throw one thing you're there actually goes you know it is what it is hang on a noodle everybody's quick noodle free like just a quickie is a brand I have not seen before Trident yeah the three ponged noodle attack of Trident yeah yeah no thank you this is hot and spicy flavor noodles two minutes which probably means that they're when it says two minutes you could probably just pour boiling water on that and you may as well at that point right and they're probably cooked fine is it a wet pack or a dry one it's almost certainly dry all right I'll try those what else do I mean that's it I was going to get that away quick because we now are moving on to lovely little crisps snack type things over on on on right we have two big bags of crisps here type things well you know snacks because they're not really crisps we have bluebird burger rings full on burger flavor and they're you know that's that's that's that then we have griffins munchos spicy tomato munchos now I think those will be nice they look to me a bit like oh are they what the master of hat hoffin he's handed me the munchos griffins munchos these looked me corn puffed corn you know what I got a confession about those to be fair you ate a whole pack of them no I forced a friend of mine to eat the whole bag until they were sick and then I got done with munchos by proxy syndrome I didn't know where you're going with that I wasn't sure really I wasn't sure completely no you should have with that needs work it does what in the moment it's okay no but it's only works with one particular yeah I know I can only work right now yeah munchos my proxy I got to stand up okay tomorrow I'll have to see the crisps oh hang on I'll have to look at the podcast now listen to this bit right now let's have a look at these these look more interesting they look like puff corn yeah he's unlike a watson it says here made here loved here we're a bit patriotic yeah and also not true munchos pack it well no they were because we just came with us now made there no it's not made it doesn't work only because of context doesn't fucking work does it obviously not made here no loved here no we'll be the fucking judge of that munchos cunts just gonna light up for the reason you've got munchos by proxy right I want to see what they are we're just saying what they are what do you mean like in terms of how do you describe themselves is it corn I mean it looks like a puffed corn I'm just gonna hustle late and joth got to hustle late and joth all right giving it a shake to wake the flavor he's going in for off it's a farty farty tomato farty tomato look see the way you repeat me there hey he liked it he liked it he knew a farty party it was a good one I said farty party to marty oh my god oh be tardy oh fucking tardy down the part next to Russell Harty Russell Harty's farty to marty party you have a half I'm gonna just relate to jothy I'm gonna keep on saying Russell Harty's farty to marty party oh gets fucking to marty get dirty and there gets gnarly is fucking to marty here we go oh there's quite spicy you like it there's a tomato smell you're all right what's the shape like weird little strips they're almost like the closest I can say is that my tiny strips that are not unlike a rice cracker yeah oh no yeah what that prawn cracker okay yeah certain types of prawn crackers you know what Philious fog used to have things that are like this shape it is a dirty good quite like these yeah that's corn right yeah they're not over very crunchy mmm great bacteria nyto marmi sort of oiliness almost you know what i mean but not too overwhelming it's a little sort of sour kick at the end yeah like a tomato e yeah do you know what i mean acid yeah i'm happy with them you can see why they're popular yeah say on the back griffins montcho surprise your tastebuds with a full-on mouth crackling spicy tomato taste explosion grab a pack rip into it satisfy your montages you stonzo wanker fucking hell that nn they're all really nice aren't they really nice flavor and the textures outstanding i like the texture a lot oh well oh you're gonna take those hang with you mate we'll see i think you should wow these are bluebird burger rings yeah see i'm less excited and i'll book maybe i can excite you more because for some reason a lovely little penguin on the front go oh is it penguin flavor i mean i mean i'm maybe bluebird is what it's more referring to maybe the penguin that's not blue i'm trying to best be amazing already i'm confused by me bestie and make to make sense of an nonsensical world i know don't let the montages get the better of you oh what was i was i was i was i was like a dig these also have a particular size isn't a sort of British crisp packet size is it no these are like the kind of budget ones you get in a b&m if you don't mind going back to that example you have it you walk around the b&m all the hours don't you wait there wait for them to open oh no Mr. B&M you open it up yet oh look there's a fee that featuring they've got that b&m we're open Jesus oh he's monkeying up he's monkeying up he's monkeying up b&m everyone where are you now oh he's got his face in the jaw cereal he's munching it coffee mate all right i'm gonna practice the batteries coffee mate oh i should have mentioned b&m because he really wants to go christmas is open he really wanted to come and be in there he's in there he's in b&m in his mind i got too much house where there i'm in the toy house excuse me b&m monkeying up he's stimulated the penguin burger bites please pass me the penguin i'm gonna open this time i'll do you jossa ley hang on wait any burgers smell uh a light smell they kind of smell it's kind of weird i can only describe it as a smell i remember from a childhood but i don't know why i don't know where i'm from it is so nostalgic yeah huff they're very small little oliver riggians yeah like funions they look at mini funions or massive weetos or massive weetos you know or chirios oh oh yeah that's like the classic beef burger flavor crisp cheap gris i like beef flavored hula hoops oh it's not hula hoops it's not a monster munch no it's uh space raiders it's that kind of thing yeah well i'm gonna go i kind of like them as well they're doing a monster munchy space raiders i think you know what's kind of weird about what i like about it it's like something here's an onion ring here's an oxo cube posh there you go good flavor the dirt cheapy kind of cheap yeah it's a nice flavor that's really nice umami beefy you know i know beefy stock gravy yeah both excellent man but which one do you prefer you have to pick one to crown it king of snacks i'm very much uh into your minds but you know what let them both be with us today i can't think it's my edgy but i like the confusing bluebird packaging in terms of packaging the munchos i mean your product's called munchos yeah but so far about that once you've like i'll be right in that you're like yes straight in i own the the name munchos you've got fucking carte blanche there go out and make a product you know what i mean munchos by proxy so they still exist munchies yeah wait uh are they the chocolate things yes they do like biscuit each other sweet things they're like roller share rollos yeah i'm reasonably sure i bought more than the last six months really yes yes i'm gonna look into that yes i don't ever see them multi-packs and be an ad you know that might mean where the preacher's going you just know don't you get the munchies you got the munchies i love that just checking the diary yeah been five years since you last mentioned that clip congratulations go down the pharmacy you're talking don't well first of all thank you to Matthew for sending that lovely package to us thank you very much and then thank you sons or i guess what allowed it to happen to reaching out when they couldn't because they reached out to me to say this has been sent to you it hasn't reached you how can we get it so they made an effort and good on them and it's also said it's someone else got this for you tonight surprise what's that that's the bag that was in the source so it's just a wrapper time bag that was in the source uh yes one of the sticks in that sentence yes but you know what i've got and what i'm fearing so what the bag i don't know where the source was in the bag why don't you the bag in which the source walk off so we can end the same thing go on press the fucking band mate what smack right then we're going to do a quick curse what okay so here's the thing we're going to go on games but this is not really a golden game by any sort of imagination so i'd need to do the soundtrack or i don't need to do the song or this isn't past time isn't it one of Paul's pleasant past time is it really it's a ball game to me Paul and silly or is it a ball game to me it's but it's ancillary so they say they are like that word it's ancillary hey hey hey hey hey that's a dumb number four oh if we have to do it now well and where you suffer from well i i've just yeast yeast infection i've gone to a fan of quite clean i'm quite clean oh god i can't believe i'm quite clean i'm sorry i'm moving on from that so we don't have to go out too much but if you want to stick i don't want to stick a pin in over join is that what you're talking about keep digging mate you're just oh i said something at all though so i'm now going to say stick a pin in a clit and move on from now i didn't mean that i meant like pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit pin in a clit knife with a hogs eye right down the eye can you imagine that get your cock out and then take a big blade to its dainty mouth can you imagine a world with no letter t i mean i could it will be hard it will be it will be it will be will be imagine words imagine it will be the world with no words ewah wu wu wu wu that's what you should have said right we need to move on it's a lehanry's uh stand up comic board game i saw this on ebay 4 i think it was about two pound 250 baby put a bit in got it sent it's been sitting here forever and i wanted to know what it is paul before we can move on yeah describe the um you know you just like literally the boss the tartan on his um panel shirt is exactly matches the pattern on the design of the lehanry and it's based on a garment he's wearing the photograph on the cover right i know but that's what i like we're gonna take a photo we will do it later but i'm just gonna say because you do that purpose no no sadly no but i am going to do it in tribute to lehanry who is as of recording still alive right so lehanry let's go back in time a little bit was a well he is a static comedian now he's an actor does formal dramatic roles and he used to still keeps his hand in comedy but initially he was a stand up comic he was quite young very undiscovered on new faces uh yes or the other one or no it wasn't you face a new face or no it might be an opportunity knocks let's just say it's one of those it was one of those one of those one of those one of those he's talent show tv show things yeah so he was talking about his early days because apparently he was like doing working men's clubs at the age of like 15 16 and doing reasonably well in Birmingham that's where he grew up yeah but that's why he's such a unique figure yeah history of stand-up in this country because of his black background weirdly one of the many similarities between him and eddie murphy you know what i mean because eddie murphy a very young guy doing stand-up in new york got his big break on satinite life lehanry young comedian do his work in men's clubs gets on new faces then tis was which i think tis was was cemented him and then it was like he did three of a kind lehanry show where it was more like a sitcom was that's where i came in uh we me and my friend Virgil would and he Virgil was the only one i had a telling at the time that was that back then yeah i couldn't watch telly because my parents were hippies they didn't believe in it so it made it a number on you made it well everyone's dude i did a problem for me exactly so you know and he would be like i saw the lehanry show last night and also school yeah i saw the lehanry show and you'd be doing cotanga all of his little cats for ages i think it was a sick one about him as a pirate radio DJ wasn't it and it like it was sometimes but it had sketches in as well no it didn't it was always a sick one no there was a no oh no i'm pretty sure no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no because i definitely saw him doing uh like an impersonation of henryx where he did henryx playing the guitar with his teeth and different characters was like it more like an um all i can tell you mate it's based on what i'm reading here is i like described itself as a sitcom okay so the original version 84 to 85 called the lehanry show uh rather two seasons 8485 each one had six episodes 40 minutes back to a christmas recurring guests include nicholas lintherson Robbie Coltrane bands feet on the 84 series including musical youth and second image so maybe that was what you're remembering but wait it was a sketch show and then it was rebranded in 87 yes that's right that's what i remember yes and that would be the age would be right because i would that still be when i was just a sitcom no sketches in this version started as a sketch show yeah that's where i came on board that's when i first knew about him okay but then yeah they didn't want to be a sketch show where he played el but we'll and then he became kind of known for like his work with conic relief and stand up specials great stand up specials um like eddie murphy did yeah absolutely now he had some corkers they were funny do you know the lehanry movie that you tried to use to break into Hollywood yes what was it called it's called i'm white or something well no but it was called true white it up yeah it was a tried eddie where if i remember rightly he had to go on the cover or go into hiding it's a pure eddie murphy idea so yeah he had himself as a white man to escape the mob from touched on pictures after my old focus a man of a thousand faces a mob wants all of them what does that disappear now but if you want to say this kid you may look like playing new king you'll have to give the performance of a lifetime right now i know who am and it's not what plevers true identity from what i hope in the way sounds that's how it happens sometimes ready to art uh so there's lots of him in prosthetics and potential it's weird how that's what holly would want it to do with black comedians though it's always about the identity the whiteness of blackness that is their focus you know so eddie murphy didn't really do that i know he played like a white guy who wanted like maybe a character here and there but mostly he played like with the black community like famously coming to america where he practically plays everyone you know there's so many good eddie murphy and even like uh i know it's not the greatest example but like nucky pepheta too where he's playing his whole family yeah so he was into the prosthetics stuff it was definitely with him in mind that they tried to do the thing with henry yeah but so this was what i was saying so he did not use faces right and then there was a show on bc a few years ago about bob mongouts about his life in korea and in it ledi henry talks about how when he did his first tv appearance it was lost to time because you know if he didn't take off the tv no one had videos recorded back in the late 70s they did not uh certainly like normal families were never before it was lost to time and then one day it turns out that bob mongouts i'd record you know because people take tons of things off the tv bob mongouts was like oh i've got a copy of that mongouts was a big taper yeah like he had a huge collection of him yeah and so he was like oh yeah i've got a copy of you want a copy of your first appearance on tv archivist is the word yeah and also bob mongouts was a big champion for leony henry in general yeah but the weird thing is you watch the clip of his first tv appearance and it's kind of one of those things where it's a tragic element of the time where he's a black comedian in a predominantly white male industry right and so he has to kind of give fealty to the fact that he has to hang a lot on being black so firstly not as you see him on stage in a big coat and a beret and he goes mmm betty and you go oh and you hear the voice of him doing frank's and he turns around because he's black he gets a great big laugh from the audience just because he's black yeah yeah that's just so weird because the voice is so good but then it's a version is like oh my god the first gag he tells is about all betty i want put some fake talent i all act too much on krau goes wild this is what i mean bob's time at atv in the 1970s gegan access to a unique recording of another atv show new faces you're a star very first tv appearance by a 16 year old leony henry having thoughts lost forever i've been looking for it for 30 something years it was a very important document to me because the very first appearance was where people saw the promise in me and the potential of me and i've never seen it i've never had it but the other day uh i was sort of on the phone to my ph she's not this somebody wants to get touch from Birmingham they've got your first of a new face appearance and they're doing it and i'm like what what what what i said what that many times what and um this is they've got your first of a new place it was in bob one gas is base beat he's uh really new exciting face to television just 16 years old enough from me let him express himself in three minutes as we began mr leony henry he's still like pre-known christmas dad in my darlin there's more baby tessico daddies there's a lot of people out there if you're wondering about this slightly permanent sundown it does like you went bitty got me a job as a salesman for amber shall they are he's not funny only blue jeans from full i'm going to get off now and i've been asking berry's people for years have you got that first ever no non-plady mamore i did al dalston and sangling on a lamppost for christ knows why but the first one where i was doing stuff that was the lider written that i was blood worked in the club lafaieti more vrampton and the summium dudli those that material that was definitely more leony than the other stuff and the fact that bob recognized that that was a big deal suddenly for that performance to show up again that meant a lot to me and the fact that bob had it and bob always had it it didn't make me seem indifferent like as always a a tingy respect to their for him but my respect for him went up hugely and i was incredibly grateful to him for holding on to it because nobody else had it well that's what he had to do to kind of be accepted in the main street i know i was kind of like i wanted to make fun of that before you do but there were other comics from the working man's like i'm thinking charlie drake is that right yes he was another one who had to put up a lot of fucking shit apparently and also his whole set is basically about how he's black yes sort of thing but again it's like i'm gonna tell the jokes that they want to tell about me first and then if i yes if i say it then you can feel good at laughing at it i know it's terrible anyway he gets successful of new faces he's on tears was he's got stuff coming out he released ball beef and carrots we always remember that from back in the day yeah and then this born game with another parallel he has with eddy mör i thought you're gonna play me the clip by the way i'm putting that in i'm not playing you it now okay but i can play it in the break if you want that's fine all right i've already edited it they've already heard you said it's a surprising clip i thought you said i was gonna react no i just want to tell you the story without having to tell you it's all right okay cool that's it yeah nice um ball big twist one other thing yeah that he is had a parallel with eddy murphy on yeah they're both frustrated recording artists singers basically aren't they well i don't know about ley henry too i wanted to be he e mr eddy i'm sure that he had a mr eddy murphy ley murphy ley henry ley henry definitely i think because he used to do that thing with the he'd do a whole musical number at the end of his and all convenience did back then yeah i mean even like use that character you know like filonius t wild beast or whatever he was uh because he's on the song right amalgamation between um like barry white barry white and teddy pentagram yeah but the thing is that that was a character more than like a series attempt at music with any murphy like please take me to the musician please look for an album and those chins aren't even like four albums they're not that bad they're not correct they're not great for because i think i would actually had as a comedian yeah the album has none of that i mean now people listen back to eddy murphy to stuff now and they just can't stand the homophobia and the oh it's all the homophobia with kind of really it still makes me laugh am i bad it makes me laugh not homophobia so i don't know just delivery elies cancelled oh my god anyway we're gonna play ley henry's board game because somehow we got a board game and affecting the object of the game is to reach the center of the stage uh while negotiating the rocky road to stardom and the pitfalls of every day soo this we're getting to it i've been hanging around for eternity where's the dice i'm red person you're and what is the what story is told by this game poor here's the thing i've just noticed this now it seems to be that the board game is some kind of journey of stardom for ley henry himself in that you play henry a version of henry several versions of henry yeah and you go around the board until you get to the middle which is star of the show center stage leony henry you're trying to arrive at star of the show star of the show there's cards that have good news bad news on which we'll come to a bit to those we have stand up comic cards which have jokes on that you have to read and impress the other players we have to end point on to do that honest we're not going to do that i'm not going to do give each other point just going to have i'll be get to the center before the time was i was even read the jokes out yeah we can't do it i like to think of the jokes think of our own jokes we can but there's option there if we can do either or yeah that's what i'm saying can't think of a joke do you know what poor we'll be able to think of a joke well let's hope that is that is the whole even if it doesn't sound like a joke it might not sound like a joke it might be a weird joke so i'll put a pimp image i'll put an image another pimp image up on our instagram and obviously on our website so you can see what it looks like but it's basically a great big spiral on a yellow board and you start with the class clown square where as you know how could you start from the being a class clown you know i was a class clown at school and now i'm a multi-millionaire comedian and that's how it works for every single famous person you always say i was a class clown which means you wear a prick i was a class clown at school and i was a prick so you know you prick yes but i'm also not a multi-millionaire and i need to stress that really quite a bit right we're gonna start this game all right we're gonna roll the dice two one big in here we go 20 minutes on the clock see how far we can get six move me along one two three four five six joke so you have to roll the dice again and i'm gonna tell you what type of joke four so four is a riddle so if you can call it a riddle uh and i have to guess it right and blah blah blah so you have to call it a riddle or there's probably one on the card you know you're gonna be a fucking riddle all right so these are on the stand up comic cards which give you outs in case you can't think of one yourself so there should be a riddle on there maybe you need your specs mr peepa man oh yeah that's fucked up the timer then i don't know i just stand up you know he's gonna stand up and what better like why don't you use your phone camera maybe in a larger that way how about that that's an idea yeah thank you i have good ideas well i mean good i have like well well cheap sort of fucking good idea wasn't it well it wasn't really an idea well you can fuck off then how about that how about that it's not that good idea how about you fuck oh wait you're at the beginning of this fucking episode it was you was gonna fuck off actually incrementally reducing what i'm saying myself that will recast me recast you come on think of a riddle James Gordon that's who i want to see it opposite me there pervert um come on time to waste it i'm a real motherfucker there was a young girl is that the riddle no that's a limerick uh norman norman tibbit that's potentially a riddle i don't know you can't think of a riddle i could but i don't want it what about this go on just no riddle here why isn't there a riddle i don't know it's a number four is a riddle maybe see there's no riddle it says here number four an amateur guitarist mike reels finally mastered a chord the one in his pyjamas that's not a riddle that's a pawn in it you know i was gonna just just do one yeah okay what do you call yeah this is a sort of riddle wasn't it go on what do you call a writer with four legs uh an underwriter i don't know i was a guest that was a bad guest okay well i was a part horse how meant to get that he weren't that was a joke give me what what would you award me for that joke to this game it's better better for the non-visual aspect this guy joke i've got to come up with a joke about a riddle a riddle is a riddle for you all right what gets wetter the more it dries hey a tower correct there you go i was like that two more times down you thought of a big face of riddle right you're going to waste five fucking minutes doing it as well as grandpa peepers can't read the card grandpa peepers six blow i'm gonna fucking win this go on do don't go on the nice four pull you know what just do on the theme just do a tongue twister see if you can go say eight times i think all right go on do you call it I think he's got eight times they're yeah 4 pAMES proper Oscar Wilde has splashed gold paint over Miss Landry. He's been accused of gilding the lily. I don't know any of that.
Yeah, gilding the lily. But who's Miss Landry? She's lily Landry. Who's lily Landry?
You've heard that name before, yeah? Great to bell, but do you know who lily Landry is? I think lily Landry lit the lop. Lily Landry...
My lop. Lily Landry is labia. Lily Landry is l Yeah, that's what they call me. Yeah, the cookie monster of a clump.
That's a horrible name. Six, six, again. One, two, three, four, five, six. That wasn't six.
Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six. The dice again, it's okay. A joke.
Three, we have another three. A limerick. What was the one? There once was a man called Pierre.
Nice. Who had very luscious long hair. Okay. He wanted a shit.
Right. But he hadn't lifted the lid. Right. And now he's got shit in his hair.
Right, okay, good. I can't tell you right here with here. No, Pierre, and here, and here. Yeah.
Sorry, I tried. Very poor. I tried to keep the story going. Should have said and put shit everywhere.
Everywhere. That's the one I was reaching for. Here we go. Two.
Ladder to success. That's literally sight and ladders. Yeah, there's a sneak up to the next ring. You'll go only because of the ladder.
You've got a ladder coming up. One. Can't reach out and get to the lead. No.
Five. He's gone way. You're going backwards mate. I lay parking.
Is it? Oh yeah. Shint it told him. Oh, I'm going to race this joke on the stage.
I'm still going to have a go though. Because you've missed a turn. Six. Well, he's over taken me again.
Bad news. What is that news? I've got to read the bad news card. A video company has put your act on tape.
Sell a tape. Mr. Turn. How could you put the act on Sell a tape?
It's derogatory saying you weren't good enough for videotape. Sell a tape. You've got to go ahead and say none of these acts are going to be good. Four.
Four. One, two, three, four. So you've got to read the bad card. Whatever that is.
Bad news. Bad news. Your silent film is being done on the radio. You want to take some, Mike?
Your silent film is being done on the radio. Oh, what is it going to do? Miss one turn. Oh dear.
I like this turn. What I'm going to do? I'm going to turn. You've got to do that.
Six. I'm going to eat it up. One, two, three, four, five, six. Oh dear.
You've got to do that. You've got to do that. You've got to do that. You've got to do that.
There's only, there's some impressions. There was impressions of impressions as well because I forgot but you're right. I think he won new faces by doing impressions, didn't he? That was a big, like I said, more than Frank Spencer.
Frank Spencer. He said, well, we're going to move one. That's why I do it again. Four.
Four. One, two, three, four. That's not a four. It was.
I knew he even called it. I went by you. I got it wrong. That's the first fucking time you've ever admitted to that then.
Three. Oh, short cut to success. That's it. You just jump below.
That is the privilege you get. Right. Two. That way.
Oh, look at the good news card. You get a heckler to shut up. Roll again. I go and sleep.
Oh, he gets that in every time. He did that the live show. Two. I don't know what that is by a greasy spoon, Kath.
What it says on the rolls for greasy spoon. Honestly, it's just you're in a greasy spoon. Bad contact. We don't need that.
I had to success. We've done that. Korea move. Oh, wait there.
Valet parking greasy spoon. The player awaits his next turn. I'll have to say that. I have a greasy spoon on the board.
One, two. What does that say? Valet parking. Same as greasy spoon.
It's left. We're almost there. We're almost there. So joke.
Roll again. Five. In presentation. Right.
I have to guess who it is. Yes. You're not allowed to say their name or anything like that. Right.
Okay. See if you can get this impression. Oh, I don't really know. I don't know what that character's called.
I don't know. Coronation Street. Yeah. What is their name?
Oh, I don't really know. Bobby Davro. I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro. Doing an impression of normal information.
I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro. I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro. I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro doing an impression of Les Davro. I'm running the dance.
Did you do? Did you do? No. Did you borrow the glasses?
Who knows? Or cares. I'm actually. There's someone on the listening right now.
It's this person. Well, we don't know right now. Right. Move me.
Good news. Good news. Good news. Good news.
Good news. Everybody. It's going to be a lame gag. It might be or it might be an opportunity to go further than the board.
You've been offered it lead in a silent film. Roll again. Oh, that's a good roll again then. What's this silent film thing?
Why does so many silent film go outside the film? The making sense keeps kind of it. It's just. It's like a little bit too much.
I think this reflects that it was big with young teenagers, that kind of thing. He was a lot more family friendly than any of those. I think he got at Eddie Murphy board games. I think the kids loved him, though, because I remember it was the best thing ever.
Oh, that's my Eddie Murphy's Raw board game. That's sick. Oh, I've been fucking ass. Anyway, it was a different scene.
Very different scene. Because you had people like, what's his name? We always referenced him. Like Bird and Manning.
Who's the guy that's landed on? Ash. For if. No.
No, he's got a sound up. In America. You did barely blue. Andrew Dice Clack.
Yeah. Clay, I thought Clay and I... They're going to be dickory dark. This woman will suck in my car.
Yeah. She then went down, I filled her with my muck coming out of my car. Hey, that's good. Bam.
Well done. But you know what I mean? That was more like the scene. It was more frat boy, more rude.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's more running downfield.
No respect. I can't fucking read this. Come on, old man. Good news.
Do we need to read it for you? Yeah. Christ. Good news.
You get a new script right after the old one dies of nervous exhaustion roll again. Lao. Blau. Six.
That must be a win. That must be a win. All concertina will be right towards the end. Doesn't say.
Oh, to win. A play must throw the exact number to arrive at the centre. With leni for play overthrows he must move backwards. So that can go one, two, three.
Six. All right. You need to roll three. One, two, three, four, five.
Joke, one. One, joke, one is a knock knock. Well, not one. Oh, come on, we want to use the cards, everybody.
He's going to use the cards, everybody. So I can use it. Knock knock, knock. Who's there?
Jacoby. Jacoby who? Jacoby Nimble. Jacoby Quick.
Jacoby taking him. I hold my dick. Jacoby wakin' off on all my dick. All right, mate.
You've got a roll three now. Jacky knock my card. All right. We got it.
You can let it out of say stuff like that. And I'm not. You are, I'll just say, it's awful. That's why you can move one space.
It's that concert. You got a real estate. It is. I think there's a lot of square space.
I don't think this is going to be anyone's favorite game. What? Fun for a few minutes. Good news.
It's certainly, you know, lickety split game, isn't it? Hickory dickory split. Oh, you've been asked to do a bird impression for the royal family. Move ahead to spaces.
I don't really get the reference there. A bird impression for the royal family. Do you know what that could mean? Weird.
I mean, I know Prince Am, you like to cock or two. But that's a different thing. He doesn't like a cock or two. No, it's a different one then.
Prince Am, I had a love to cock or two. A cock or two. Right, you've got to roll two now, four. No, you don't do it.
That's a cow. That's a cow. Okay, well, in that case, it's still wrong. He's still further one up to push you forward one.
So I needed two to get in. Two. He's catching me. One.
Another knock. I should have read a joke then. Oh, well, not. Not playing.
Who's there? How would the duck? How would you do? How would you do?
How would you do? Well, how would you do what mate? No. How would you do?
How would you do? How would you do what? How would you do? How would you do what mate?
How would you do what mate? do wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Edward, to the power of fourteen. Who?
Is it your, no, your, you lost track. It's two. We got, two minutes left. What?
You got three minutes left. Back on the E. You wanna do a joke, roll again. Roll again?
The dice tells you what jokes to do. News flash. So look on those cards for a news flash. You wanna do your own funny news.
Don't, you're right, mate. Don't lean on your imagination. It's not your strong suit. Is it, not your strong suit.
Is it, mate? Shut up. You can't say can I borrow glasses for a second. I don't think he's going to help you.
By all means give him a try. I don't think you're going to enjoy wearing them. Russell Grant. What does that say in name?
Russell Grant's decided against going around the world. Why? It'll be easier if the world goes around him because he's fat. Is that what they're implying with that?
Was he? Was he? Was he? Yeah.
Was that what the jokes implying? That it's easier for the world to go around him because he's so fat that he needs to go around the world. Does that make no fucking sense? It makes no fucking sense.
It's just me. Loads of things you can criticise him for. You see the erm, well, there are also, oh no, that's murder. We see the er, astronomer.
Astronomer. He is the astronomer. Five. God, he's giving me a...
Where in your glasses is giving me a cast? Am I in or am I out of the rain? Am I in? Hey, shakey shake.
I'll end on a gag. God, I'll end on a gag for the card. It's giving me a cast witness wearing your glasses, mate. It really has suddenly.
Yeah, I know you shouldn't do that. I'll end with a limerick. There was a young man from Bolloyne who spent a week in their dor doyne on champagne and oysters and luxury cloisters and all on a 20p coin. Ho-ho!
The ones was a man called Woodward who performed in films that were dead good. He was in the wicker, man. And the other film in that's in the cab, and I regret starting this home. It's not good.
It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. Well done. The ones was a man called Eli who liked to run around making kids cry.
He'd go to the park, sometimes after dark, and pull out his dirty little potholes. Oh, it's fine. Don't let that be the last thing in people's minds this week. Alright, then.
What did you think of er... It's fine. The ball game. Honestly, it's not that bad.
It's not that bad. You can see that being fun. It's fine. He wouldn't return to it.