Ep.47 | A Bird in the Office, The Carrot Top Crusade, and Football is Back | August 18th, 2026

SummaryFootball is officially back, which means Going Yard is slowly returning to its roots—but not before Jake and Alex solve late-stage capitalism.The brothers open by imagining a dystopian future where everything in your own home is a microtransaction, from vending-machine refrigerators to a 29-cent bidet experience. After recapping the Phillies’ Field of Dreams game, Jake discovers the emotional toll of the “toll troll,” while Alex arrives at work to find a tiny bird terrorizing his coworkers.Then Jake prepares for yet another bachelor party in Vegas and makes an increasingly passionate case for choosing Carrot Top over Blue Man Group. What starts as a simple show preference becomes a full philosophical argument about happiness, expectations, novelty, and why a terrible Carrot Top performance might actually be the perfect bachelor-party memory.Finally, football returns as the guys break down the Eagles and run their first fantasy football mock draft of the season. Timestamps0:00 – Welcome to the microtransaction dystopia 1:00 – Paying 29 cents to use your own bidet 2:00 – Going Yard's choose-your-own-adventure paywall 3:15 – Weekend recap 4:00 – Phillies Field of Dreams game 6:10 – Schwarbomb into the cornfield 6:45 – Jake's weird Friday-night sleep pattern 10:30 – Jake finally gets E-ZPass 11:00 – Cash-only tolls in 2026?! 12:15 – The Toll Troll 12:50 – Football is officially back 13:40 – An absolutely brutal Eagles preseason game 14:45 – The Eagles' international players 16:00 – Why the Eagles are so damn easy to root for 17:25 – Alex becomes a city guy 18:40 – THERE'S A BIRD IN THE OFFICE20:30 – Pokémon completely derails the bird conversation 21:55 – Grown men are terrified of a tiny bird 23:30 – The bird demands a one-on-one with Alex's boss 25:45 – Wandering around Old City 26:30 – Random people drawing Philadelphia architecture 27:50 – Working in LA vs. tourists enjoying LA 29:40 – Jake has ANOTHER bachelor party 30:00 – The Bachelor Party Group Chat Bingo Card 33:45 – The Vegas plan & the all-important lazy river 35:15 – Carrot Top vs. Blue Man Group36:10 – Alex somehow knows the entire Gallagher/Carrot Top backstory 38:00 – Jake prepares to take the Carrot Top campaign public 40:40 – Jake gets philosophical about happiness 43:00 – Why expectations determine the Vegas show choice 44:20 – The full Carrot Top manifesto begins46:25 – Alex has never seen Jake more alive 48:20 – Is Carrot Top simply a fun hill to die on? 49:15 – Criss Angel enters the conversation 50:45 – Recreating Ocean's Eleven at the Bellagio 52:40 – The Carrot Top orange wave 54:20 – Going Yard officially returns to fantasy football 56:15 – The first mock draft of the season 57:15 – Gibbs vs. Bijan at No. 1 59:45 – What do we do at pick six? 1:01:50 – Why we're stockpiling running backs 1:04:00 – Derrick Henry vs. Chase Brown vs. Kenneth Walker 1:07:20 – Three straight running backs?! 1:10:30 – Searching for our first receiver 1:17:00 – Garrett Wilson gets the call 1:22:30 – Betting on Caleb Williams and Chicago 1:24:00 – Handcuff strategy takes over 1:28:45 – We waited WAY too long at tight end 1:35:40 – The final roster 1:37:20 – What we'd change about the draft 1:40:30 – Football is back and so is Going YardHashtags#GoingYard #GoingYardPodcast #ComedyPodcast #TwinBrothershttps://www.youtube.com/@goingyardley