Lockdown Depression, Creative Frustration & Good Days and Bad Days

Henrique Couto and Michelle begin with an unusually direct question: what do you do when depression starts to spiral? Speaking only from their own experiences, they compare sadness, sleep disruption and the struggle to keep functioning. Henrique describes lifelong anxiety and depression, a recent mild panic attack and days of feeling hopeless during 2020. He says the bad days had become less frequent, but looking back at the earliest weeks of lockdown still frightened him.Even ordinary entertainment could bring the pandemic rushing back. A masked photo shoot in an instructional video prompts the hosts to discuss how COVID-19 changed their reactions to photography, older television and public life. They also wrestle with personal risk decisions: Michelle had returned to public-facing work, while Henrique questioned when and how he could responsibly make films again. Their uncertainty belongs to September 2020 and is not medical, workplace or production-safety guidance.Much of Henrique’s distress comes from creative work put on hold. He wanted to make a Babysitter Massacre sequel as promised through crowdfunding, yet feared changing the project beyond recognition or exposing a cast and crew. A webcam-based movie and an extremely small production offered possible alternatives, but neither erased the frustration. Michelle connects that pain to an earlier lockdown period when she could not draw, and both hosts describe creativity as something that can feel like a burden and a lifeboat at the same time.The conversation finds modest points of connection rather than a simple cure. Recording podcasts, photographing a sunset and watching anime together online gave the hosts moments of purpose, even when plans failed or worry remained. They discuss Re:Zero, Mob Psycho 100 and Erased before ending with a deliberately inappropriate bar joke. This candid episode includes depression, anxiety, panic, isolation, brief references to suicide and overdose, chronic pain, COVID-19 exposure, profanity, violent humor and sexual material involving an animal.LinksEmail the hosts: [email protected]