I'm feeling loose baby. Loosh, slippy. Oh, are you slippery, where wet? I'm slippery, when hard.
Goodbye everyone. See you next week on Cheap Joke. Slippery, when hard. Slippery, when hard.
That's why they called that record. Slippery, no, because it's meant to talk about ladies. It is, no, it's not. Yes, slippery, when hard.
No, but everyone knows it. Fuck this, I get it. No, Bon Jovi never admitted it. John Bon Jovi never admitted it.
So why would he call that album, Slippery, When, Where? Oh, I think he's really into corridor, safety. Maybe, and maybe he likes, you know, what? Maybe he's very into safety and apparently, so I'm gonna let you get to the way he's gonna go with this, so go on.
You know, he was a bit of a sex symbol, wasn't he? Oh, John. John Bon Jovi. John Bon Jovi.
Yeah. John Bon Jovi. John Bon Jovi. Yeah.
Yeah, that was a shortcut to where I wanted to go anyway. No, they used to throw their knickers at him. Yeah, they did. So, perhaps he was like, oh, the stage is slippery, when wet with the goo-doo.
The clutch, the clutch, the clutch tied of 1,000 fans. The gusset marks of 100 ladies pants all over the stage. The slippery sloppage of the Ghandji gooosh. That's why he called it slippery, when wet.
I wonder why he did now. Do you know what I saw today? On my phone, I've got an episode of Breaking the Band that I appeared in. I did the documentary as their famous manager, corrupt manager, Doc McGee.
Doc McGee? Oh, Bon Jovi's manager, Doc McGee. Yeah, and he managed other groups as well. What, I'm presuming he did?
He took them all to Russia, and the theory was that Doc McGee was KGB. KGB. And he was bringing people over to Russia to integrate Western values. It was a massive thing just before the fall of the Berlin Wall.
Oh. He organized a massive tour. Bon Jovi, Avogru, all those hair metal. You know, they were the king as a hair metal, weren't they, basically?
They were, yeah. They were soft, soft, soft, soft, soft. Yeah. Desmond Childs, I believe.
What else did Bon John Bon Bon Plaidou? Living on a player? Yes. I'm not going to let that go.
Living on a prayer. Yeah. That's their big one. Yeah.
Then they had. That means the world on a dog. Then they also had... Yeah.
My personal favourite. Yeah. Your love is like bad medicine. Oh yeah, bad medicine.
Also, Desmond Childs, I believe, is the songwriter. He's like, he's a big 80s sort of rock pot. He's quite a long intro, isn't it? He's quite a long cold opener.
He just talks about what he knows about. No, another really good Bon Jovi's. Go on. I'm a cowboy.
Is that a dead or alive? They paid me about 20 quid a day. Wouldn't give me lunch because of Covid. Yeah, ...
You don't need to eat. We'll all eat, everyone else. That's what we think of you. Actors.
And literally it was literally 50 a day or something? They said they were going to use your voice. Then they sent you a copy of the finish TV, Bro. Artogash, obviously.
And they said no, don't worry, because we were improvising these scenes. We were like, hey I've done the game! iroVy. It's a bon Jovi!
Come over here! How dare you get married? All of your fans want to throw their parries at your dad's room. Whispery went wet.
Yeah, it's meant to be slippery when hard. Is it a hee hee hee hee And I was they were like oh that's great he like don't worry we're gonna go we're gonna go use any voice No, that would mean you'd have to pay yeah, you would but then when I watch it there's me I can hear me go And I'm a kid! Where's our dear to Jackson? Right hello welcome to Ching Show that was a bonjong jovie part of the show John bonjong John bonjong jovie he's not so busy he's a little man he's a toby he knows Achter Russell Tovey he's a man Ching is a man He's a man Russell Tom What are those ones we gotta stop this cold open?
What are those those country bars called? Topics No the ones are like healthy called Tom's aren't they Mr Tom's Mr Tom is a No Mr Tom Mr Tom They're crunchy bars What's going on? Bob Jovi Did you say Mark? No he's not Stop this this is now an episode of Cheapshow welcome Oh Cheapshow to the bottom of the way Have you got any housework to get out of the way Paul?
Well I've got a bit of hoovering to do with Kat's been hurt pulling some of his hair out so there's a couple of it Yeah he gets anxiety when he doesn't get his way and sometimes he pulls his hair out what he's Wow you've got dysfunctional cat relationship? No he's lovely but sometimes he doesn't get his way and then what do you mean what to what's that mean? Sometimes when I'm funny he's talking about Fanny is that what it is I'm probably getting near Fanny I get near Fanny I know I know you get near Fanny American operates term I get it hello up to Cheapshow I'm Paul Ganon I mean I still think I get that out of the way I'm just saying when you said oh when he doesn't get his way it's almost like you're it's almost I can read into that That you're not that you're being mean to you're being mean No what is this? What does he want?
A little scritch He wants a little scritch You don't live with it mate you don't understand he'll like he'll come over to me he'll get like a good hours worth of his kitchen and cuddling and then he goes and eats then he comes back about 40 minutes later How may I argue if I do scritch for the day? If I do scritch and make calm down you know I mean and then he starts meowing and then like for instance if I'm busy like if I'm editing the podcast and you Want to do up on my lap and then I got a cuddling when he jumps on me laps That slows me editing down so unfortunately I say bad boy you go away now And that's why he has his little stop and then you see little tosser here on this yeah anyway well to cheap show It's my podcast my podcast is You know Keep things abundantly clear abundantly clear No, but this is fine. It means all the responsibilities man you never get the blame for things. I tell you like it Isn't it?
Yeah hands-off feel like yeah hands-off feel like yeah, he's hands-off and I recommend people don't touch it that hands-off feel Why did you see my t-shirt my ball? I like that. I get that from I got it from mind and candle not that mind Shelter right the mind is all shell to go on that's quite boutique. He they do have good t-shirts They often like that that I believe as a group because mad balls were the toys Yeah, but the picture does depict one of the toys one of them look like that I actually don't think that is an official mad ball toy because it looks like a matchup of different types of Mad balls if you want me to be absolutely honest with you as a not a big expert But I can see like two or three different mables in that designer yeah around shoots round random squeezams No, I do well.
They've got me to the little liquid inside. Yeah, you're putting those squirt little squirt Yeah, let's talk about old things again. Let's talk about the past. Do you remember revels Eli?
Oh people like that I like the coffee ones. I didn't like the orange ones the orange ones. Oh, they were the worst Yeah, do you remember spangles? No the spangles Eli spangles the sweet spangles spangles Spangles no spangles my liver man is gonna keep on saying spangles until you agree or disagree with it What's that got to do with anything when you say spangle?
I get a vivid image in my brain of a big spunk bubble like hanging off a string Doesn't the word spangle make you think of it spanking string or bubbles will bubbling off blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub Yeah, the podcast is just full of white guys talking about any old shit they want. Yeah, it is but least our shit's crap. No, they are Something it's another golden game. It's a Tony game.
Is it? Oh me? I don't think so. It is it says to me Wow It's the Tony game called spin fashions spin.
Oh, yeah, and it come you play it in the box It comes in which is kind like a pizza box with this being dialed in listen Now just a very quick one. Yeah, because basically it's a party game with confessions lies and total embarrassment So for instance on the outside's got things like all this place risky is placing on the inner ring because they spin at the same time In opposite directions with one flick of the dial you get the qualifier for the question Oh, where where was the riskiest place that you like if I spin it now and then the arrow on the box says we're this thing You've said yes to put wanted to say no to well Every other thing that you get asked to do some of the things I did on digitize I said yes to even though did I really want to dress up as a chicken and pretend to get shot by actions and stuff not really the best bits Yeah, but come on mate. We all saw my nothing and it was the nubbin problem and the whole problem water thing in the mouth There are things what about you what have you said? Yes to that you should have said no to I can't think of a single thing I can't think of a single thing.
I'm up for weird things. Yeah, I know you like to do things for it Well, but sometimes I'm not an arban forget you remember when I used to do that humble quest for a universal genius I had what they call the sex atard. Yes, which was this leotard was very tight on me and gold wasn't it very gold? It was golden spangly bangly I would say that's probably the weirdest thing you said yes to that yes, you definitely should have said no to Why because I look like a weird nubbin boy because it looks like you had like a school in your fucking groin Yeah, it's very tight around the nubs So made it smaller than it would appear in real life in bedroom scenario port Yeah, which case it's like it's all softened.
It goes for objects in the rear of you mirror may appear live But they are I think that's Desmond Child's as well is it yeah, there's a link here is there Yeah, oh yeah, it is you're right. Yeah Me and I close and they are yeah, I don't know that's how it goes It's always had those kind of songs. I want which one came first because there's that one I do anything for love I won't do that yeah, which means take it up the ass although is that gone is he saying he won't take it up the Ass or he won't put his up eros like she's like she's saying oh come on come on come on come on He's like I'll do anything full up. I won't do that.
No, she's safe Yeah, it's full peg. Yeah, I want to peg you yeah, and he's like come on love. I'll do anything full up. Yeah, but I won't do that I've had surgery up there.
That's why it's delicate. Basically. She's coming at him. It's my reason.
They're driving. She's coming out and come on No, he's driving. She's she's in the back the hand at the window with a big deal. Don't come on come on He's like I'll do everything for love I won't do that she goes come on mate objects in the rear of you mirror Maybe a little bit smaller so don't worry about it.
I'll move it up breaking a company with it Something like murder what she I just killed my dad he was a hateful dad a drunk and I killed him You've got to help me bury the body. I'll do anything full of but I won't do that Paul and he I do the best 90 style stand up Comedy material for you today mate. I think I'm gonna spin this again. I got okay.
Who's gonna do this one? Both we both do like we do it both did the last one I'm letting this spin naturally this time right a time when you've laughed and couldn't stop Oh my god the many times that's both things yeah because it beat the outer and the inner ring and the outer is the setup to qualify on the Inner a time when was the time when you've laughed and couldn't stop when I went to see a Production of an adaptation of John Fowls the collector a stage play version and it was at the Colville up in the Midlands And it was this place it was this crazy sort of metal theater that was like a standalone thing that they built during the war or something Oh, okay, very good. No, it was like a sort of portable thing Like made of metal like the whole thing was tin and they pack it up and like put it on a train or something got taught around the country Right, it was like one of these weird weird very strange thing anyway The collector is a story about a man who collects butterflies who also kills nowadays Wasn't that used in like a seal killer case or something collector like one of the books that the killer was read. Yeah, however This stage version had a lead.
He was doing this making laugh now. It's very serious play Part of the thing was the murderer the collector character was played by this man It's only a few of us in the audience. It's not a huge audience. It's maybe like 60 people in the audience You know, it's quite small weird theater into it and um and he kept going monoc Admiral Blue and then Like he's reading out the names of butterflies and the repetition and I was just like, you know watching it Funny and then I was with who I was doing at the stage show at the time.
Yeah was like ha ha ha and then it was like oh no And it's like they can hear me and it's completely inappropriate and then he goes monoc Blue again You know what I mean? Yeah, that is the most delicious type of laughter when it is like you really should know you can't like yeah Yeah, that I find that that fucking gets me It's and it's always poncy and it always reminds me of a story my dad used to love to tell when he's a young man He went to see some really sort of highbrow concert performance like classical music Yeah, but it was like for modified piano and basically this guy sits down. He's got the coattails at the piano And like it's these weird modified piano pieces like people to put a sort of wedge in between some of the piano strings Oh, right. Okay.
Yeah, I think of ding ding ding ding Every time he hits that talk and then he apparently just lost it because it was just so solo and serious when they just Don't talk to you like ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway, can you think of it time? No, I don't find anything funny. Wow. No, I honestly think I did I think in my brain I want to say it was an episode of cheap show we did why I remember losing myself so much laughing That I was almost sick and I think it was either the episode we did with the fish song You know that the little fish on you come up, doesn't it?
I've made a song over it. Yes, it was something to do with that. You know we did it the how to You could stop dial and I remember like there's just something about that set me off. Yeah.
Yeah, so that was good anyway So it can I spin it? Yeah, you're gonna spend it one more time with a quick one. Take it out of the box No, it's meant to stay in it box was the arrows. Yeah, that's an interesting design It's just going with like poker chips and things the right hand is in there Yeah, I'm in there It's not just a thing you meant to take those out and then put it back in the box when you actually play it again build quality is great I mean it's time in it.
Oh, this place. Yeah, this will you pick one of those two. Oh, this place what you've done for love or a Mance. Yeah, the ship pipe.
Yeah, that's what I'll do for love fucking meat loaf. I'll get my meat loaf out and put it up your Come on. Where's where's all this place for love? I don't know that's a weird one cuz I told you when I took a shit What I gotta do with love in a rock pool.
What are they called? Rock pools? No, the sea you got the Yeah, a little rolling. Yeah, like a patch land of rock.
I took a shit Is it all I fucked someone a balcony? Talking about it. What's he talking about then? What's it said the oddest place you've done for love or romance?
So what's the oddest place you've taken a date or the weirdest place you've taken a date? I said they put it all day. You go. I need to get on to the apps That's it.
Let's find that fun one more one more. Where's the one more? We do one more. We have to do one less noodle.
No Everyone press the fact you're gonna do noodles right? It's that was me coming up the content both of the episode out didn't work Did buy in a charity shop it was two pounds and fifty pence all right two fifty good deal for that And apparently it's brand new this things. Whoever wanted it didn't want it fast enough and put it in a charity shop Anyway, didn't want it faster. Yeah, didn't want that any faster than I got it take it away Want it fast enough that's fine.
I don't get that. Yeah, I do bring these all I don't want I reject it I don't want that fast enough. I was trying to make it make sense. Oh my god.
I tell you what I don't want this fast enough Don't want it fast enough. They didn't want it. They don't want that fast enough quickly didn't they quickly didn't want it That's what it's like quickly didn't want it. So I quickly disposed of it.
Yeah, I didn't want that fast enough It's like fucking pressure bridge it Yeah, that's right. It's noodle time noodles They form a bed that cheap show rests upon like a piece of barbecue for sir. Excuse me sir. What do you like?
Jingle for for your slack, but sir. I'm still here from last week. Oh, where did you sleep? Yeah, I think where have you begun to the toilet?
I'll be in the attic. Oh my god. That's smells video all the whole time I got a jingle for you, sir. Oh Here we go.
Here we go. You can play this one can you do this one? Oh, it's noodles for you And noodles for me. He likes those noodles very much you see Well, it's my boyfriend To keep that under wraps in boy.
Well, I you want to speak our love true and proud and free I do it when it does work, sir because we I've got no sense of smell. It's the war sir So I can't smell your crusty poo poo bum I'm going back to bed. So you go there. I'll tuck you in later.
I'm a good come come and give me a jingle for the nice boys I'm sorry Neil. I need special kisses I was meant to go home last week, and I fell in love I did. Oh, what the fuck is going on? I don't know I didn't know I didn't know they were my attic explains all the noises.
I'm gonna do my song There's stinks in here. I'll do my song and I'll go wash my friend. I don't have to wash You don't have to make me you don't have to make me you can't make me wash fast enough I tell you that from it. I've heard that picking that up.
It's a good phrase. Oh my go. Oh, just do the fucking go Oh, I like doodles. We like doodles who likes noodles.
I doodle do I like doodles We love a doodle doodle doodle doodle how do you do with that? Right? I need it I want to just make a fuck off to do a good thing that how you let these people stay in your house I love these buns Honestly It's like I like them both I like your love actual particles of like he's a dirty man It's like the other day weirdly I caught him in my bins I was like what are you doing my bins? I think you just like treating it like a ball bath.
You're like rubbing all the cat food and all the all the fuck you reminds me That reminds me poor. I was coming over here today I think we all enjoyed the return to the two old weird tramp characters Weird traps you made happen today. Neil is weird. Neil is stinky.
He's stinky. All right. They're not traps But they're living here. I mean what the attic it's what I thought Colonel musty We don't know like a house.
What's your fucking character? You come up with one now anyway? I'm walking to the overground. Yeah fucking police take cordoned off right and I look into one of these jewellers shops These Turkish jewellers shops.
There's lots of them on green lanes right fucking windows smashed or smashed that moped is still there It's all these gold fucking bracelets all everywhere and mounds are broken glass the police are there obviously, but right? Wow what's that gonna do with like anything? In general, yeah crazy. Yeah, what a world Yeah, I was like what's that smell?
There's a smell like a poopy smell like food poopy smell food And I'm like and then this woman and she had this weird fluorescent band on her leg over a jeans And I'm like weirdo and then I look past her there's a cat with a fucking woolly hat on obviously belongs to her and she's fed it But she's basically just empty the fucking can of cat food into some tissues and it's on the seat That's what I could smell that's what I could smell and I'm like oh Oh, yeah cat food nasty Neil's organ pet food nasty, but don't open it on the fucking train some people do idiots and people know social conscience Welcome to modern day Britain anybody fucking noodles. We need in this day and age Paul Noodles a day of of grim reality cutting home cutting in what we need is noodles instant noodles It's the foundation upon which she chose very much built instant noodles time. It's fun. I like noodles.
Yes That's one he's got three and we will treat ourselves to all and fucking needs We've got three items today three noodles today, mr. Silverman I would like you to now go through each and every one of them in my new detail So I could just sit back and do nothing for a bit the first one it's a new category Which I it's not a pop noodle. Right. This is what I'd like to call a box noodle and basically There's a whole trend of these noodles that are basically being served up to the public in what I would call a takeaway What is it stand a takeaway container?
Yeah? They like to take away containers, don't they yes and we covered this little box When we walked a new river We had the self-heating ones very similar set up to this which I've got in my hand This is from the brand tiger tiger tiger tiger not the notorious meat market hookup joints in central London is it? Well, you go It was in the Tori's meat meat fest what for like anyone anything anything Like fucking Slippery when wet slippery when wet that is my good troll anyway I should start going up when I laugh like that tonight. It's more terrifying.
We do it that way if you don't mind you saying No, don't like that now target tiger. I don't know about target. I get this feeling that they might be That's very much like a what I call like a legacy brand like blue blue dragon sort of old school almost sort of yes That's right 70s a 70s take on Asian food British. Yeah Anglo Asian Do you know I'm getting a yes like Patax these old brands that came from there that feigned to sound more traditional and older than they were Yeah, that kind of like looking at look it's like the Raj it's sort of like there's a crown It's a target target sort of reminding me of sort of like definitely a crown in the logo And then underneath it says unleash the taste yes like a tiger like you can unleash a tiger I don't know why you want to do that.
I don't want that this one's called Asia Street meal Why Asia Street not Asian Street meal Singapore style chili chicken perfectly cooked noodles ready in two to three minutes either via the kettle or via Zimakko way if you know why because even though might not be the best way to try it We very rarely do a microwave noodle so why not use this one since it advertises as such I'm just gonna see if because we had a famous falling out when we did the self-eating and I would I refuse to believe that there was Any implements eating to eat intels in the box? I was right You really have a little meltdown It was a moment of pure exaltation it was proper joy and it was recorded as well which meant it was on record He's a very very similar you've got the three packs three flavor packs in there two wet ones and one dry one and a nice pad Like it says these are these aren't sort of dry instant noodles. They are just ready to go basically again This is very much I think designed for a British market with the sort of the tiger tiger branding Oh, yeah, no, it's also they had Asia Street meal They also had like tie this and they also had like Cantonese's this so they're going for like different right pan Asian sort of style You know fusion. Yeah, which is very much what British brands do, you know I mean it's covered in the iconography of like China Asian markets and things like it would what many would say is the oriental style of advertising What I'm saying is this brand is obviously aimed at Brits rather than like people from Asia.
Yeah, what's it got in it though? So you've got noodle pack that looks like a chili oil you got a soup base Yeah, what looks like a sort of soil vinegar fine as well as the noodles and they are like wanton noodles They're like you know little spaghetti size looks good. Yeah, it's the chicken that you might just be chicken flavoring I don't think there might be chunks in that yellow pack. All right, so what is the second noodle today?
Well Paul Second noodle that we'll be tasting today is this or to be gold pop. I'm gonna have to look at the translator by Zhang Instant bowl noodle pork bone soup flavor put the bone in now I was interested in this because as we both know the instant noodle was invented by mama fuko ando. Yeah in Japan Yes, however, I would suggest to you of that the nation that's taken the art of the instant noodle furthest I mean I like nation. Yeah would be the Chinese in terms of variety all right and just I prefer I mean I've gone hardcore and I basically I like Chinese instant noodles now They often have the all packs of like pickled mustard stem or something like that That's for the only for the hardcore, you know, because it gets all the bits won't be but this is a pork pork broth and pork Rough famously mmm goes in Tom Katsu ramen a Japanese tonkatsu Yes, and one of the earliest noodles we covered on this podcast that I championed was the nation black garlic tonkatsu, right?
I want to look at one of these lens to do stuff So I want to compare how they do the pork broth because on the cover it looks very like if you don't mind me saying so custody the broth looks Very custody custody. Yes, you know, I'm not going to say it looks like a ladle of we we we everybody No, we we let's very yellow your way looks like that though, then you've got fucking cute No, it always looks like that way always looks like thick mustardy Yeah, no my one kind of goes in a big sort of light when it touches the toilet and I have to sort of Stringy it's all stringy. Yeah, come back all spangly. We like spangly yellow jelly.
No, no my not I'm just coming on normal green and fizzy. It's fine. We're like a black is that normal. Yes, it's jet blacker smells of grapes Yes, absolutely normal.
So yeah, this is a company called by Zhang in the noodles pork broth cool. What is slightly worrying? You can't really see the noodles they go for the broth They're trying to send you the broth because it's a big ladle of yellow broth and then there's not kind of influencer Yeah, this is something to you don't see that on on says brand new that's would be a brand new recipe Right this features celebrity wang yibo. I'm sorry for that wrong you go He is portrayed as the brand spokesman for the company and they do change food company So this is his signature line.
So like he just is a bit high to represent They do that a lot they do that a lot with He's gonna say if he has anything else going on though. He must be an actor or you know tick tock They have to talk to their tic tock there says actor and dancer here they go Oh and the professional road motorbike racer and racing driver Wow, he's like a member of a boy band called unique How's the 2014 does he he's 28? He's won a bunch of awards for acting to be fair to him. Yeah, he's been in loads of films So yeah, fair enough I will be looking forward to tasting the broth on that because I want I want you to have in mind the Nishen tonkotsu Because we have rated Nishen very highly we are on this podcast before having and we are waiting still to receive the American Nishen deal pickle pot.
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna arrive in time for this week's but well never mind We'll get on that. So that is your second noodle. All right next one number three. This is something special now Is it special though?
This is from company prima taste. Oh Made in Singapore Singapore curry lamean premium noodle in aromatic smooth rich gravy infused with coconut milk Oh, I thought you were saying more stuff. Sorry. I'm changing It's own French.
Oh, we we we hope that's not any. Oh, I feel tired now. I got really tired. I got tired quick What did I just got very tired real quick?
It's just there like sleepy tide. I got real cozy. I want to have a little nap Don't know it's weird micro sleep. Yeah, I love my chronap This is a curry.
It's a chicken flavored curry. You can see and this is a posh noodle because I took this I went to a Chinese supermarket near me It's excellent, right? It is excellent. I got a whole tray of fucking bean curd rolls from 99 P In kid roll and I was like it looks like a fancy one because it's it's got this curly writing and often when they try and give an impression of premium That's they give it a black on with gold right it's how you do it now I I didn't want to spend I didn't want to spend too much on it like seven eight quicks No, it's not even go that way.
Oh, they do. They won't be on this job. You know how much this was a little price to show here Oh 189 it was two pounds 80. Okay, that's all right.
Oh, he said it's yeah, it's expensive, but he says very good He says it and it's a good brand. He said so I don't think I've ever come across this brand before prima taste made in Singapore Singaporean brand and you know what Singapore have some of the best bloody food They let you know they eat there this dish called high-endese chicken rice, right? Oh, baby It's like rice that they cook ginger and garlic nice. I'm on my own on boil chicken.
Yeah. Yeah with fresh cucumber Right and fresh chili sauce, right? And then they on the sock. Oh, God.
Let's give me one now. All right on this On the side they give you a little bowl of the chicken broth. Can you imagine that the rice? Can you imagine that everyone?
Hey I need chicken rice. Can you imagine that it's everyone which I think is a Singaporean specialty, but it's named off a different part I'm not what I'm not a name in me and I am I am I am a man is that ladies? An underwhelming vagina and slippery when wet lay What is it like a name it's that's the type of a noodle? Oh, it's more what thick ropey.
It's the two with the sauce Yeah, maybe there's that Chinese word chalmane me like that. Yeah, it's related the the anion What's interesting about this is it says non-fry thick round and straight noodles as good as handmade great But then it has a little barcode link to an easy cooking video So I'm guessing that we'll be watching that. Oh, it does actually say on the back though It just says add noodles into 400 millimeters of boiling water and low boil for seven minutes at the last two minutes That's a long time at the last two minutes and soup base mix well add soup base Oh, yeah at the last two minutes add soup base mix well scan for code for detailed cooking steps That's longer than your average instant isn't it? That's verging into normal normal amount of time seven minutes So we do that on the stovetop.
We just treat me all in the microwave. We're gonna do them all at a time Aren't we doing breaking off this is the truth? They're very varied. We've got three different types of noodles today We've got the age of street there, which is box already cooked noodle.
Yeah, then we've got classic pot basically Which I think we do it in the order of the pork broth the pork broth Yeah, but this order and then piesta resistance the layman I'm just a tasty noodle and everywhere I own all people want to slurp me down. That's Louis prema taste brand Oh my word. Oh, he did it. He did it.
No else I did God, I'll stop stop you're pushing too far mate But lay me in start he's been farting all day Has given him some girth in his fart region Where is usually the typical poor fart very wet wet slippery and when I don't wet and sort of swampy Yeah, this today after the lentil meal is gone for a very dry raspy Robust like a witch's clackle firm like a witch's calm ripper. Yeah, I know her. She's a lovely lady who firm ripper Right, we start with a major street We're heading over to the kitchen. We will be joined a Eli in the noodle test lab kitchen pop-up kitchen in the house on the Hill, let's get to it Hello everyone hits very exciting.
Hello. We're in the kitchen. We're in Paul's kitchen unusual for a new episode It is but I'm ready to give it a go. But my kitchen is open to all comers So no one there's no one there's no no sign on the door Everyone's welcome into cook now We just I'm just remind you with the Singapore style chili chicken in a box.
Yeah, tiger tiger Asia Street meal I checked this is a product of China, right? So definitely a brand that is trying to flog These box that come in a takeaway because those self-eating ones with China as well Yeah, this is the way that they eat in some noodles a lot in China itself. I could talk to me Yeah, that's why I'm saying I'm talking to you Paul because I know my friends. Oh, hello everyone That's now there's some copy that I didn't read out on the back of this.
Yeah, I thought always it's going to be Some terrible terribly either one terribly translated English or two horrible chummy copy or three horribly racist Cultural stereotypes, it's none of those are actually quite informative for sure and I quote this is the back of the pen in Singapore They have a philosophy that encourages harmony of flavors and balance of ingredients good this approach is at the heart and soul of Singaporean cuisine even the bustling street vendors. Well, that doesn't work because they're not bustling streets of the streets of the But yes, it's really bad actually. I know it's really street vendors Yeah, that's not right anyway, even the bustling street vendors will tell you of the importance to getting it right It's it off. It should be off rather than two as well.
You let it Is it there losing me? No, but this is a good bit. Yeah, they say the balance of the five taste elements, right? One one aromatics right to heat right smell spice three sour three four the sweet Cripe five.
What's the fifth salty? Yes? Yeah, saltiness salty is essential. I'm up for that I'm up for it and what a balance it is when done right and added to lovely fresh noodles Yeah, but they could all say this is we've got to make it.
I think it's gonna be tasty as fuck Well, I'm gonna make it anyway, we're having that thing with that liquid the dark liquid is vinegar because that's the sour element Isn't it I am ready for your dirty legal stations? Now let's now let's so that's good work the station legal station do with eating to taste it to French one as in gatron on me Yeah, same route as that isn't it? We're gonna have some dirty legal station now. Let's see I think the stations we hope not to see what it says.
I can't get this fast enough inside me No, that makes sense. You can't in return to that. Right. Wow.
Look here. We have to pour the water on it. Don't be Yeah, put some water on it. You have a little bit.
Here we go. What's it so? Remove the noodles from the back. Oh, I'm doing that place inside the container.
Oh, I'm doing that Put the list. Oh, hang on. Have you got scissors? Yeah, I hand it to the handle side.
So I can add to the handle side And I'm sniffing it right. He says remove and then place in the container So basically take a matter of this one don't yet. What the little sleep put the lip on loosely It's not big enough for the noodles come out I'm down. Sorry.
No need for this. It's like noodles. I know but there's no need for that Right. Yeah, Lucy.
They put the lid on loosely. And what we doing these packs leaving them aside It is made for two minutes at high. There's no water. Yeah.
I got one to microwave add the sauce seasoning oil vegetables mix and serve that's literally water because look there's no water. You know this is pouring water off That's how you do it with a kettle. Oh, you can't do it for kettle. So I don't add the kettle if you want to know Place it on the water.
The noodles replace the lip fully carefully. You need to stand for two minutes and drain off the water So these will just cook dry. Yeah, okay. Just do it.
It's a little bit on loosely. Yes. No, you can put it on properly Like literally There we go. Yeah, there we go.
You have a steampunk. I don't know. A steampunk in my eye. No, one's that mate.
Right here We're setting burning your eyeball that's three minutes. Let's say two minutes. It's like hi. Right here.
We go. We're on I thought he's vinegar if I'm a day No they're not. It's just powder. It says soy sauce, seasoning oil and vegetables.
So why are the vegetables they're not gonna get a chance to cut are they? This is... I guess, I didn't know what it's doing. I'm just saying what it's saying.
I'm just saying what it's saying. This is going to be a disaster. Well, then we'll see. But then we'll do it exactly as the forecast.
What does it say? Take that out and then mix that all in the knead it. Yeah. So does it say stand again?
It doesn't say stand again. Two minutes out high. Yeah, once it's out, whack it all in the mix it. That's it.
Yeah. That is literally it. That is literally it. So we've got three packs in.
We've got the vinegar. I'm going to call vinegar. Yeah. We've got something that looks like a sort of chilli oil sauce.
Yeah. That's it. I don't know. No.
No. No. No. No.
I'm not the. Pussy doo-shah! No, I'm not pussy doo-shah, I'm the pussy doo-shah son, what's up doo-shah, pussy doo-shah? I'm a willy-sucker, well, I'm a willy-sucker, willy-sucker.
I'm a little willy-sucker, I'm a little willy-sucker. Yeah, till the cat comes out. Oh, here we go. Here we go, put it out.
I'm only a true. Right, so it's been in for two minutes. We'll be, we'll be, we'll sneezers. No.
Let's get that in. Oh, sniff sniff. Snip sniff, here we go. He's opening the vegetable pack now, and that's going to be here.
Cut the reader. Well, yeah, we'll sort that out. Very dry. Very dry vegetables.
You can see some carrots in there, ginger, l It's a very Chinese food taste. That soy, that soy. Okay. You say soy.
Right, and now I'm going to say soy. Alright, here we go. Right, here we go. You're the doctor.
Daddy, don't do that. All right. There we go, strange. Not what I was expecting.
No, this is a nice smell. Really, we made the whole point of taking it back. Tasty, yeah. In the kitchen.
What's tapping in the kitchen stays in the kitchen. All right, this doesn't look like the, look at this compared to what it, the serving suggestion. Look how different that is. Yeah, look brown.
That one looks kind of the hues of oranges and red. But it smells good. It smells alright. What do you think?
It's nice. It's got a nice kind of savory, savory, but also there are those kind of Asian notes in there with the s Very Chinese smell. It's hard to describe, but it's those browns. Oh, I'm going in.
Right, he's going in. I'm going to grab some from this corner. Right, I'm going in. Oh.
Great texture. Oh, really lovely chewy texture on the noodles. Oh, yeah, no, it's chewy, chickeny. It's got a kick.
It's got a chilli kick. Oh, yeah, quite like that. Oh, that's really, oh, that's really good. Thoreb out of the pack brand thing.
This is actually quite tasty. Yeah, that's almost like restaurant. Don't know about that, but. No, it's almost like, you know, those put those, what's that?
What's that really cheap brand chopsticks? Yeah, whatever that is. It's almost like that. I mean, it's almost as good as that stuff, isn't it?
Here's the thing though, it still has remnants of the artificiality of it because the nature of how it's being presented. But ultimately what goes in your mouth is actually a really nice flavour. It's good, it's quite strong. It's strong.
It's strong. It's hot. It's got spices, they're flavour notes in me. It's not all just heat.
And actually, what I was worried about is the veg not cooking, but that gives it a sort of crispy, that kind of works, doesn't it? Yeah, that's another one. And it's like, there's sesame seeds in there. Yeah, they give it a kind of crisp.
I thought it was all just going to be dry peas, but it's not. No. I am impressed. I like that.
That was £1.99. Yeah, that's not bad. Not bad at all. I like it.
We're going to take a quick break and then we're going to come back to you for our second kitchen noodle taste. Which will be pork broth. Oh yeah, pork broth time. Pork bone broth.
Here we go. Okay, now it's time to prepare the second noodle time. And this is the celebrity endorsed pork bone broth, pork noodle, pot noodle. This is a classic pot.
And the company go? Bao ji, bao-ing. Like bai jing. I did read that before.
Bai jing. It doesn't matter. I should have asked. Just move on.
I shouldn't have asked. Anyway, in the very... Bai jang. Bai jang.
Bai jang is the brand and... Hello, jang. Bai jang. He's got like a very sort of...
What do they call those jag? It's almost like a nero, like a blow-filled sort of thing. It's also like kind of chef. He's got a real sort of supervillain vibe in that jacket.
But he's... He's in dorces. Dead inside though, doesn't he? He's in dorces pork soup.
Now, I'll get a lot of passion over that. We've opened this. Look at this. They're all the wet pack.
That's the broth. That's the slippery wet pack. Look, it's mainly designed to be eaten in the pot. Very thick.
Yeah, you can twirl it back. That's the broth. That's the broth. It does.
We had a little plazzy spook fork, which Eli will be using for this. Oh, plazzy fork. And the noodles with the vegetables. That's the veg.
Now, all that we need to know is how high up... How much water we put on it, basically. You put both of those in and then you boil it. I think it's to here.
See, there's a little line there. Can you see it just out there? There's a little line there. Yeah.
That must be it. So, let's get these veg in. Is that what it says to do first? Put the veg in.
Mate, it's always the same with these. I'm prepared to take your risk here. What you do is you put the packs in and then you close it. That's why I'm only half open.
You let it steep. And then you let it steep. So we're comparing this to Nissian products. And this has got a lot more broth in than Nissian, don't it?
I just want to honestly read the... Okay, read it. Although, actually, maybe it doesn't need it. It doesn't.
It's just a poppin' noodle. I think that's actually like different serving suggestions, or anything else. Yeah, you can probably do it in the microwave, you know. I'll ask for that.
It just smells like that. But anyway. It smells nice to do it. It smells like anything.
I'll be honest. It just smells of noodle pack. Dry noodle pack. Dry noodle pack, which is in there.
Now, I've opened the dry veg. Yeah. That is a scallions. Oh, mate.
You've got scallions. You've got sweet corn. And a little bit of pepper. A little bit of onion.
These floorboards, mate. Listen. They're very squeaky. If you hear anything like that, it is the floorboard.
I've got my lovely little... Okay, there's a good amount of dried veg, I think I agree. It is. Nice amount of dried veg.
Yeah. Nice spread across the top. There's greens in there. That's our texture.
The broth itself, which I'm opening now, is very smooth. Smooth broth. Now, this is a big, generous helping of pork bone broth. Yeah.
Very sticky. There it is. And it is white. Look, it's that yellow-y custard-y kind of squirted out.
It's not that. Even though I know it's bone broth, it does taste fucking good, doesn't it? Yeah. Weird.
It's quite sweet. It's almost got a sweet smell. Yeah. It's so blue-y.
Googie out. Googie out. It doesn't like stock, doesn't it? It's thick.
Well, that's what it is. It's like a goopy stock. It's like canore. It's like a pork nore in a sashoe.
They've got a canore house. It's like your groin in a universe of genius. That's a pork nore. A pork nore.
A pork nore. A pork nore. He's making out language again. Well, you see his snob through his view itself.
You know what I'm going to do here? I've been trying to get it all out, the goopy broth. But once you've done that, I think we can pour a little bit of the pork nore. It's a tack.
I'm going to squeeze it all in, as much as I can. But then I think we should finish it off with a little tickle of the boiled water. You're going to make it wash it out. Yeah, that's what you mean.
Like when you're done with a little tin of chopped tomato. You do that with a little bit of the oil in your swirly. And then you put it in your sauce. So, and then it just adds a bit of the oil.
You're fucking cooked. I'm going to put the kettle back on. The kettle's just found in my hat. It's a generous amount.
That is a generous dollar of garbage. Now, I think you'll only need about three minutes sounding. Fill it up to the... Can you see that?
I'll do it over here with the white. Okay. I'm going to do this over. I want to know when it's boiling the kettle.
Keep it. This is a good noodle. I think this is the treat of the batter. Right.
The kettle is always pre-bought. So, we shall be waiting too long now to add the scolding hot H2O to the cardboard-ated potted noodle presentation cooking bowl. It certainly is a cardboard-potted noodle. It is a cardboard-potted noodle celebration bowl.
With a Chinese star of stage and screen. We don't have to drain this off. No. That's why I don't over-filling it because we've done it to be brought off.
It's supposed to be soup. He's pouring it on now. Keep to the... You don't have to keep exactly to the light, but basically.
Yeah, keep the light in it. Trust me. There we go. We're acting out.
We're in a close for the day. Right. I've pulled the hot water on it. Do you have a small piece of cutlery?
We'll put on top of the lid to see what this is. Okay. I'll put a knife across and now we'll just have to wait two minutes. Three minutes.
Three minutes. We'll do it for three minutes. Do it at night. No, cos we're recording.
Is this something I'd have to cut out? Oh. Oh, whilst we can do it for three minutes. I know.
I got two minutes. Two minutes. No, you weren't. You changed your mind, just now.
Think of another card. Ace of Fade. I didn't think of one. Think of Ace of Fade now.
What's the card you're thinking of? Ace of Fade. I told you. I said it before.
You thought of it. That's how good a psychic I am now. Although that being said. I got you this for your birthday.
It's got tea bag. I don't know why it's got a packet in it. That looks like a little guilty maiden pile doesn't it. I don't know why I'm starting to stare after Ace of Fade.
Why would I do that? So no one saw you eat at least ten after Ace. No, the trick is to put the sleeves back into the box after you've eaten it. Everyone hates me if we didn't.
Exactly, and that's why it must be a tradition you carry on. Versus with matches. Oh yeah. Even if you've returned the matches to the box.
What did you do? What? What did you do? What?