Welcome back to the UK, Mr Eli Silverman. How are you feeling? All the songs in your eyes? I'm just like, I just realised.
I didn't do it. I can't see your face. I don't know. They didn't tell me anything about it.
I promise I'll do anything. I'll suck it, Dick. I'll suck it. Ooh.
Here comes Paul down off the couch. And he's sitting in his vehicle chair. He's the boss of cheap, Jerry. He's the boss of cheap, Jerry.
It's a fucking Paul Gannon. Put your pads down. I'm sold you. I'm some fun.
Anyway, back to the UK. Silverman's been out the country for two and a bit weeks. No, I haven't. Everyone thinks it's two weeks.
It's ten days. For the sake of like... I'm not going to fight it. I wish you'd gone into that.
That's what I saw the future. It did not end well for Gannon. You'd have to explain basically what you were about to explain was... Listen to the mechanics of time.
Real time. Listen to time. Two different timelines. No, ten days I was away for Paul.
And back and you invigorated? I landed yesterday morning at about 7am. Nice flight. Nice flight.
As often happens, I had a seat free next to me. I was in the middle. It's not a long journey, is it? It's on the way there.
It's like nine hours. It's about nine hours. It's about half. It's always quick on the way back.
The rotation of the Earth. This is a fact. I've looked up and everything. It's worse coming back.
Going east is worse for the jet to lag. That's very much the condition I'm suffering from now. Basically, I've got this jet lag where I sort of vary from being too extremely tired in that fatigued way where you're close to tears. Crashing.
Yeah, like they're crashing that kind of tiredness. That crashing. It's like you're wired but you're exhausted at the same time. I hate that feeling.
I've got that feeling. Well, Eli, let's go easy on you because as a recording, it is a Wednesday. Usually I've edited this fucking podcast by a Wednesday and I was smoking a fine cigar. Right?
My whiskey and my glass. I'm enjoying the spoils. I am. I'm going to spoil the bilabra.
Right? No, because I have a common day to the Eli's time away because in read the time and look at the time, it's all very different. But no, because of this, we're going to do a real time episode. I don't have to do any fucking editing today.
So once the credits end, bang. 60 minutes of pure fat chunky cheap show. Goodness. All sorts of tasty things.
All full of marigolds. And it dotes from my trip. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it and we're just going to power through for 60 minutes.
That's the plan this week. So, Gannon, can get this done so you get your episode on a Friday as is your want. As is your women, your we've ever want. And your waft.
And I waft your my farty. Hey, here we go. I waft my farty grunts off into your face. That will do.
I managed to finish that. I'm not going to get that out. Yeah, no, here we go. Very much like a fart.
Yes. I'm going to get a little bit of a thing. That's a big fart. Giving birth is not one big fart.
It's not usually to anyone who's been through childbirth. They will not compare it. It's a little bit more lumpy. It's vagina tearingly painful.
Listen, I'm a friend of the women. And in no way wanted to denigrate the experience of childbirth. But to you, it's just one big guffer. I was just making a comparison.
Both things are something expelled from the human body. So, you can make a very beautiful beauty of childbirth. I know you're going to be flatulence. I know you're going to do this.
It's a fucking excrement to pit shitty shit particles in the air. There's no... I mean, yeah. Can I put music in now, Mr Silverman?
Or are you going to compare like women having a period to having a bit of a sniffle? What do you want to do? I didn't say any of that. Can I go to credits now, please?
We've got a whole hour of this. Let's get going then. That's the fucking credit. Sources and words of praises.
Two things I'm as responsible for. Chop me. Chop me. I'll make you.
I've got to move a fussy. Jeep, shout to all the night. I'm so shy. It's a cheap show.
Hello, all you people. Welcome to Tube Show. It's the Comedy Accommodity Podcast. Accommodating older tats from around the aisles.
Treasure, trash, infecto. This is why you're not allowed to start episodes. Infecto. Infecto.
He liked it. Did you hear that, everyone? You heard that there. You heard it.
He said infecto. Doesn't it mean I endorse it. Everyone endorse it. They may just like the sound of it in my mouth.
No, it's good, isn't it? It's good, isn't it's good. But that's... If I may be so bold.
Yeah. That's my genius. Oh, no. The word was formed.
The word was formed. A nonsense word was formed. This is what I wanted to do. It was conceived.
Are we on the clock? Yeah, we're on the clock. I'm already starting. I'll sort it out.
Hello, everybody. Hello. Hello, everybody. Hello.
It's a cheap show. The Comedy Accommodity Podcast. What you're here is. We, Paul Gannon and me, and me, Eli Silverman, travel the streets of Great Britain.
Me, Eli Silverman. Me, Eli, Eli. Don't. We'll bring that up in a minute.
Go on, do your intro. We're, him, Paul Gannon and me, Eli Silverman. I like it. Yeah.
Okay. So, you're absolutely sexist. Like you're in the cold open. We'll keep keeping in.
Well, I've got, I'm bored. Where we find the treasure amongst the trash. And we are TAT hounds. Sniffing out the TAT hounds like a dirty snurge on a park bench.
Yeah. No, pussy hounds. TAT hounds. We know how to sniff out a good bit of TAT.
I see you shuffling some TAT around there, Paul. Do you want to do a fall? So I just dragged it out. TAT a launch.
It could have been a TAT. It could have been a TAT. Travel a little bit of TAT. It could have been a TAT.
It could have been a TAT. It could have been a TAT. Oh, we have sometimes funny everybody. But not this week.
No, we really are having our own grunt matter. Keep your podcast about rolling the cheap things in life. That will do. Move on on and tour that T.
Right. So, we've now got just over 57 minutes left. And I want to get one thing out of the way. I wanted to get your instant reaction.
So I was recording when you came in. Pinch. FAL filth. Yeah.
When I looked in the phone I didn't want to do that. trick ax. Ark. oor.
Keep chill, pide. What I have to do. into the room of you spotting what was on the map. Oh really?
So I thought you would start doing your, I'm talking for a recording voice. I was doing voice by podcast voice, but, but, but. Then I got to your hand. I thought you were holding some kind of recorder in your hand, but then you weren't.
Okay, he's just doing the voice for no reason. I had these microphones on the map to boost it. You caught a bit of verity. Yeah.
A little bit of my actual, because someone sent us something really, well, wonderful and upsetting in the post. And here's Eli's reaction to it. I'm going to drop the clip in now. Oh.
Oh my God. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. Yeah, that's a surprise I was going to tell you about.
I'm going to wait till you've got the episode going in. I saw it. I was going to say, I know, but I was hoping that you wouldn't notice it. I was thinking, oh, oh, I was going to take the episode.
Oh, God, that's creepy as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. You look like, let's say, well, let's say that for the episode, right?
Say it for the episode. Hey. Fuck sake, man. I just fucked up the real time.
No, I was just about to say. We're still going to go by real time. So I'm going to drop it in. And then add three, we're still recording one hour.
And that recorded sequence has bumped it a bit over the real time element. But weren't you going by the time on your record? Yeah. You've got the clock clocking down.
Time of the real time. That's what they say. I know I thought the real time element. Time of the real time of the real time.
Yeah, clocking time of the down. So what Eli saw was this. Two, what are they? Busts of me and him.
3D printed. Can I have a little look, please? They really are impressive. Oh, they do have some weights to them.
Yeah, heavy as fuck. Do you want to hear the letter that came with it? Yes, please. It says this.
Hi, they're being pole and short stack. That's just not necessarily rude. He'll not have been pole. Whatever.
Anyone. I may have said this before, but whenever anyone mentions a real shorty, like in the media, they're always 5'10". Or 5'7". Put it that way.
5'7". Kylie's small, isn't she? Are you bigger than Kylie? Figuratively.
How tall is Kylie? Don't know. OK, Google. How tall is Kylie Minogue?
This is what the future's for. In feet and inches, please. Well, complex. You made it more complex.
I give it in meters. 1 meter, 52. I'm not a clue what that means. OK, Google.
How tall is Kylie Minogue in feet and inches? Like fucking human. Oh, you're 52 meters. Oh, fucking believable.
The fucking ruin this. I'm a type of it in how tall is Kylie. It's asking for your beaches. It says 1.52 meters.
No, no. But what is 1.52 meters in feet and inches? I don't know. We need to ask it.
I shouldn't have to fucking guess. I shouldn't have to animate. It should do that for you. She's 5'4".
Right, I'm taller than her. She's exactly 5'4". I'm slightly taller. I'm 5'1".
Wow. I'm at Kylie level. Anyway, the letter says this. Please accept these monstrous representations of your faces as a token of my gratitude for the many years of distractions you have provided.
The bottoms open up if you need to add more weight. The construction is a PETG plastic fill with a matte varnish finish. She'll be OK outdoors or indoors, but no promises made about the outdoors part. And that's from David DPP.
Thank you, David DPP. Thank you very much, David DPP. I'm going to do a website that keeps it at Curate UK. But they are fucking heavy.
They're very professional. Very good. Very good. It's fucking kills.
You could literally kill someone in the drawing room with this. Professor Plum with the Paul Gannon head in the bathroom. Have you got a shirt on in yours? You did.
Got a collar. I don't make it. Oh, yeah. There's no collar.
Maybe that's because they usually imagine you with your shirt off. Maybe that's what it is. Weird. But also, you can unscrew the bar.
Did you see that? Oh, stash. You could put your money in there. Ooh, whee.
Ooh, whee. Yeah. Couch keys. Cool.
So here's the thing. So I've had these for a while. And my plan was to bring them on our walk to, you know, daring woods from last week. Yes.
But these are too heavy for me to add to my bag. Because I wanted to put them in the woods. Oh, yeah, that'd be a nightmare. They must be a kilo each.
I don't know. I think I'd put a kilo each. Well, my point is, I wanted to put them in the woods because I'm not a big fan of my nose. They give me a kind of rosion.
Does it give me your actual real nose? Can you take some? Yeah, your real nose is. It's cute.
It's straighter. Yeah. But it's a bit more Roman nosy kind of effect. No, it's straighter.
But it is. That one goes out and down at an angle. And your one is much sort of straight up. Beautiful.
You know what? Your one looks like Ben Mendelssohn. Oh, God, right. It does, doesn't it?
I think the likeness for me. Yeah. I think you're like a stronger one. Yeah, isn't it?
Almost. You know, like a classical. It's got a classical look to it. Because he's done my hair.
Yeah, hair is really nice and done. Like Ben's over. The long wavy. Yeah.
And there's a mustache. I mean, you take my mustache. Bit of a bunch in. I have a bunch in like that.
I don't know. I've to say because you got your beard all over it. And I think he's done your beard and that. I think it's just a tash.
He's done what I'm tidying up. But that's a bit of a bonk laugh. I don't think you've got much of a bonk laugh. I think I'm a bonk laugh guy.
No. And I wish they had a big mouth. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, what?
A gag. So you could fuck your own face. Or what else would you think. Why can't it be made true?
It can be made true. Come on. And I'm putting it in there. Will it fit in there?
Oh, come on. I get two in there. But like that's what we should do. Cover it in latex rubber or something.
Or make it my own little.... You wimp. You wimp and get some abrasion on the knob end. No.
I've got to be gentle with it this age. I've got to look after it. Otherwise, it all goes horrible. Now, this is like that painting that we've received.
Do you remember? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's back.
I think that's still in my room. I didn't have a match. I try to give it away... Give it away.
So 500 maybe confirmation of the location then. No, I think it's still in my room. And that was some cheap skate. That's what we call our fans.
That's what you guys call yourselves. You know, they never change. You never change. She's a jumper.
Oh, he's bored. Move on. Move on. He says.
I bought he says. Move on. He's left me. Well, I've got plenty of time.
What I'm talking about. I don't know the picture that was sent to us. That was half my face, half your face, sort of merging. Yeah, down the middle.
Yeah. Yeah. Sexy. In gold with gold paint background.
I can't get over how much you also look like Sean Perpwy. Yeah. You know, a little bit of a show up at Perpwy. I'll give you that.
I tell you what I do look like. Haunted. There's no eyeball. So there's no eyes.
That's the face of a man who's literally about to have his life over because of trucks coming his way. Yes. And he's sleepwalking. Yeah.
That's the look of a man who's realized this is last moment on Earth. And that's the face I've given. They're lovely little pieces of work. Thank you.
Again, Davey. Davey. Do you want to take your home? But we need to.
Yeah. Otherwise, I could put these in the garden. No, I won't mine. You can have yours if you want.
I'm just saying, you've got to take it home tonight. Yeah. Good. Because that's fine.
I'm putting yours in the garden. Am I put mine in the garden? I know he said no promises, but I like the idea of squirrels running around it. Maybe they are there nuts and they're me neck.
You know what I mean? Or a cat uses it to spay and spray. You know what I mean? Because I'm jet-lagged.
I've been close to tears thing. I think my nostalgia antenna is sort of closer to where my nostalgia lives. Is it more raw? And the faint smell of cat piss in this room really brought me back to like being in Glastonbury and doing touring whale nation.
And we had to stay in this witch's house. And the witch's house really smelled piss and she had to go live in the ambulance outside she had an old ambulance. And she's got a lot of smell of piss so bad she was sleeping. No, we were saying.
We were a troop doing whale nation at Glastonbury, Glastonbury town. The tour is visible. No, we're near the campsite. No, you're near it.
When you do the festival. No way, no way. No way. And so then we had a nostalgia of that.
Just to report there. I would like to apologize for that. That's because we think an auticat's looking to off out this morning. And fucking spay in it.
And they did the spray somewhere. Because Riley, oh God, I'll do that. Riley doesn't do that. He's quite a clean cat.
And he always goes outside. He's doing it here. No, it's here. No, and it's a smell that isn't cat piss.
It's a smell of cat. It's the spray. Yeah. So I think it's some fucking little shicks.
I think it's poor face Johnny. It bet. I bet it's fucking poor face Johnny. I've got a little one face Johnny on this podcast before.
But there's a ginger cat that's round here. It's a big bruiser. And he likes to get into people's hours and eat their stuff. We call it poor face Johnny because it's got a big stupid fucking poor face.
Right? And I think he gets in. He always tried. Like last night the cat flapped was banging like mad him because it was windy.
like he didn't hear much about it. And I wait, wait, wait, wait. That is not the random tippy-tapper of a wind. That is the forced desperate tipper-tapper of a cat trying to get into a flap.
So I ran out with my phone and I caught that fucking cunt in the action. That bastard is the proof. Look at him. Look at the poor face Johnny.
Cunt. Look at him. Cunt down the roof. Yeah.
He's fucking caught. Oh, look. He's cute actually. He's a cutie.
But what a fucking cunt. Anyway, there's a lot of cat action around here, isn't there? Yeah. That's a catastrophe.
Cat-tatt-trusty. Cat-tatt-trusty. Right. So we have now what we've got left.
Well, we've got left. You've got six minutes left. It's 45 minutes in real time. Do you want to do what we talk about?
Oh, we have got this box. Oh, let's have a snack. Because this was a few weeks ago. So apologies to...
When are you going to... What? Oh. Oh, shit.
I should do that now. Oh, fuck. You actually what I'm going to do while I do. Now, there is a fast food promotion on the UK at the moment.
And that is from KFC, our friends at KFC. They are one of the worst chains I'd say overall. Like, I can't think of a big name that's worse, actually. I prefer anything to KFC, generally.
But they are doing a pickle-based promotion. A lot of people got in touch with us online, so you're going to do pickle, you're going to do pickle, you're doing it. We're doing it now. We're going to arrive within 45 minutes.
We've got to fucking do it now, haven't we? There's a pickle burger meal and a pickle burger box meal. What's in the pickle burger box meal? Have a look, what's in the pickle burger box meal?
Original recipe fillets, fillet, spiked with pickle seasoning and paired with tangy-sized gurkins, creamy pickle ranch and crispy pickle cucumber pieces. All in our glaze, sesame bon. Set alongside signature fries and your choice of chicken, the only thing that's pickle is the burger, right? Yeah, so do you want pickle-loaded fries with this?
Oh, yeah, that's just shit. Right fine, because that's an extra two-night and nine on top of this. And is there pickle drink? No, there's no pickle drinker.
But I don't care then. They don't do red bull, do they? Extra chicken, we don't want extra chicken. Do we want gravy?
No. Do you want Pepsi-can? No, we just want to taste the bloke. Part of the deal in it, so I'm getting the deal.
Pepsi, then, max. Pepsi-can, max, right? Max cherry. For that much, right?
So what's new? I want to go to what's new? Right, pickle-loaded fries. For the trickles, season's pickle-sided with crack-black pepper.
Oh! That's a separate thing. I've already got the loaded fries, so I don't need to get it. They want order of the frickles, mate.
I've got the frickles. I'm ordering it. And they're going to be grimmels. I reckon.
They're going to be grimmels. Now, go to check out, stop selling me shit. They love it. They're worse than McDonald's without, aren't they?
Are you sure? You don't want 800 more calories? No, thank you. Oh, you're fat enough.
Right, I'm ordering it now. It's ordering, payment in process. Will it arrive in the next four weeks? So what did you get?
One burger meal with loaded fries added. And then the frickles. Was it 20 quid? Yes.
Fucking hell. And then I gave a tip, so a bit over 20 quid. Fucking crazy. Right, so it'll be here 1705 or 25 minutes past five.
Which is? In our hour? Yeah, in our hour apparently. Which will still have what?
About 10 minutes left on the show for a bit. Look. This is funny, isn't it? We'll go over a little bit if we need to.
We need to put some content in, Paul, because... Anyway, where's the fucking letter I was going to read up? Back to the show, everyone. Back to the show.
I love these episodes, cool. This is for the Canadian boss. Oh my God. It's the right one.
You need a filing system. I know I've sent in some interesting snacks. This is from Matt in Canada. Hello.
Matt, I've sent in some Canadian snacks a couple of years ago. Wow, these were purchased in Canada. They are not especially Canadian. Just strange.
I found these as I was rummaging through my local discount stores and thought they would suit the show. Oh, then he lists them all, which we'll go into in a minute. But it says, I want to highlight the discount store that I got most of these items, other than noodles from. There's a big, big note load of noodles there that I got for a different shop.
They are from what we call bin stores. They usually sell over stock Amazon returns. However, they don't price the items. They just dump everything from the skids into long plywood bins.
Skids. Skids here. Skids. Skids.
Skids. I don't want skids. I don't want skids. I don't want skids.
That's not going to happen. That's like the place I went to in Florida. Yes. You could reasonably call these troughs.
Everything is the same price. £20 on the first day. £10 on the second. Exactly the same thing as that one went to in Florida.
£1 a day. And then so on until everything is a dollar. At the end of that day they throw everything out that is not sold and then restock. Wow.
Just garbage fucking. It's all because of Amazon being what it is. I'll be expressed. And I'll be able to make it much later in the picture.
They're all part of the churning out of low quality plastic shit. Anyway, not sure if they have these types of stores in the UK yet. They do and they don't. They do and they don't?
Well, I saw a guy on Watford High Street with a stall doing this. Yes. Bimbags full of Amazon return. They were mistreated.
You pay me a tenner and then get what you were given. Yes. But I don't think I've seen a dedicated stall space like a pop-up space. That does that.
Yes. There may be. I haven't seen them. Anyway, I am starting to see them in Canada.
I have not heard them mention on the show. I didn't mention it once or twice. Anyway. Well, I've definitely got some stuff that I'm actually in Florida.
Exactly the same. I had different prices on different days. You can basically, if it's a box, you can go over some place and they open it for you. And you decide whether you're going to take it then.
Yes. You see what I mean? Yes. So the fact that they say the labour of pricing and moves a lot quickly makes this decent discount format.
As with all the dollar stores selling things from different prices these days, this is the only place I can walk into a store and have every item beat a pound. So what you say, you do it like, pound land and things like that. So thank you Matt from Canada. So we have a big box of stuff.
That famous chain in Canada like the no label. Chain, what's that? Yellow. Yes.
That's discount. We covered that. I just want to mention it. No, I'm going to say what these are.
These are noodles. But this is not from a discount store. He said, go on what? Another Canadian point.
Do you remember on the show we tried something called All Dressed? Yes. A flavour. And that was Canadian, right?
Yeah. And they were delicious. Now they were in America when I was there by Lays. All dressed.
Oh, really? Oh, so they were that great? Yeah, of course they get. It's a great flavour.
So these are called, I believe it originated over the border, north of the border. I think that that brand is called Lijua, Liju. They're just as a snail noodle. These are the snail ones.
Are they really snail noodles? Yeah. Like snail flavoured. I thought we should do this.
Because we're all the fancy ones. This is like a high-end instant noodle. Is it? A lot of them are snail based, basically.
There must be something about snails that you can't get into a cheap performer. Because then get prawns. All those Vietnamese ones get beef and prawns. Yeah, they get the good stuff.
Fish, obviously. Prawns. Did I say that already? Prawns.
Prawns. Sorry. No, but you can see from this photo on this noodle. Yeah.
It's a nice thick noodle. And it's probably similar to that gourmet one we had, the La Mien. Right. Do you remember?
I was going to suggest it. I thought it meant snail is in slow cook. In slow cook noodle. I thought it might have meant.
I thought it was in fast-paced cooking. I thought it was in fast-paced cooking. Oh, why you fuck up butterfly? Go on.
Snail based. You've got to thought it might have meant. Oh, galloping horse. They're very fast to be.
Oh, no. No, it's charming. It's charming, Paul. So let me see the cooking structures on this.