Why are you both looking at me? Why have you got your sleep? Why do you have to roll your sleeves up? I'm in action mode.
As if. Sleeves down. Just chill. Just chill.
Just sitting back here with your friends. Sleeves up. Alright. I'm in.
I've got my slifs. I'm in. We're all sleeves up today. I'm flicking my hair.
You're sort of wearing a t-shirt, but it's sort of a jumper, isn't it? What do you mean? Well, the sleeves are very long. I don't know.
I thought it was a t-shirt. But yeah, that's... It feels like it's kind of like a sweater sort of material. It's actually like a synthetic, like, wicking material.
Have you heard of materials that wick? Wicking. Wicking? Yes.
No, I've never heard of wicking. A wick is to remove moisture from a surface and lock it away within your fibre core. Wicking. That sounds wicked.
It sounds wick-styly, guys. No, I was going to say, Paul. Paul, how was I going to make a note of these? Fucking bon mots.
Bon mots. Wasn't he releasing it from I made in the same thing? LAUGHTER We didn't. Go on.
The way that you... Aces, Aces. You sighed and rolled it asleep. I've got a lot of stuff.
Yeah, bon's got a lot of stuff. Yeah, it's a safe banana. You've revealed the mystery and then it doesn't seem like such a good joke. No, it was a great joke.
There's method to it. It's all about dismantling the form. Got the wrong wickies. I've got a wicking.
No, I'm not talking about wicking no more. Is it going to be a big musical at the West End? Cool. Wicking.
Oh, my God. He's done a sapphire in the tea. I think he's really kind of cheeky, Paul, to snag people off of their jokes and then all you've got is wicked. Exactly.
That's exactly. No, no, gang up on this. There's nothing wrong with chipping in, right? But when you're chipping in, it's not as good as other people's chipping in.
That's fine. I do think it's like an edit that out. You love this. You love the constant threat of the dissection.
He does take you punch lines. Are you in disgust to human being, Gannon? Yes. On that very point, we'll tell you the point.
What you roll just sleeps up the side was as if me and our venerable guest today. I'm going to, if he does, two more appearances, he gets a jacket. Nick Helm. Yeah.
As if we were turds to be somehow disposed of. Well, I'm glad he brought it off because it's not too far from the truth. That's how you see us. No, I don't.
That's how you see everything in the world. I don't. I'm very cynical, miserable, depressed, haunted. You need to get out more.
Well, when you edit us out, that'll be apparent. Yeah. I'm going to be editing this gold out because I was a devil. Yeah.
It's a podcast. Hey. Hey. Is this all called open?
Oh, it was all right. It was chatty. Yeah. It's a fucking big glass.
Well, don't you formally introduce, I guess, and tell us what we're doing today. I'm excited that it's called open-ended though. You know what? I haven't decided this is called open-ended.
We don't do this very often. Do what? Go to someone else's house. No, he's never gone to anyone else's house.
And then do the podcast. Yeah. I feel vulnerable. Yes.
I feel like you're not in your own. Yeah. Yeah. That's very specific.
But it's large. Yeah. It's got really crusted. And then you think the time has come and it kind of flicks off on the door or something.
And then it's very tender. Really soft, tender. Oh, he's so vulnerable. The flicks off on the door.
Oh, no. Oh, no. You can't do that. That'll wash my doors.
I've been scabbing up next door and left right and so forth. That's a great place, man, I have to say. Down it in scabs. Yay.
Next place we're recording with the TubeZo podcast with him. Because a few weeks ago, once ago, we did it last. You said, let's do a Pepsi one. It's a little jovial spawns.
Hashtag no spawns. Here's a little trivia for both of you for... Browsy's still the code. Oh, by the way, do you know that?
That's crazy. Oh, that's freezing. Oh, something close it. That's the open.
Close the open. It's going to get edit. So I don't want to take that. That was my joke as well, really.
Yeah, but I kind of explicitly did it. Well, I think a lot of my game is pretty subtle. It is. It's a lot of people don't get about you, Nick.
Right. Yeah, go on. What's I going to say? You just sort of about soft scabs.
Oh, shut up. Here we go. What you did? I was talking about crusties, kesb.
I was thinking about the soft bit underneath. The soft bit underneath. It all triggered questions. It started off on the Pepsi theme.
What was Pepsi originally known as? Had a totally different name. Pepsi Coke. No.
A totally different name. Not Pepsi, but at all. Do you know what I guess? I know.
I don't know. It was known as Brad's drink. Oh, yeah, yeah. It started by man named Brad.
I'll go to G2C for everyone. I'll know that. What gave him that idea then? He was drinking Coca-Cola one.
He was like, oh, I'd like my own one. I believe he was like some kind of soda jerk owner. People or something. Right.
And then there was some kind of rumour that was good for digestion. And that's when he started to go with Pepsi as in dyspeptic. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes.
That makes much more sense. So it's related to its so-called drug, you know, its drug qualities. Like that. You never had cocaine in it.
Like Coca-Cola. No. It was a pepto-bismolent. No.
This is another myth. Pepsi or something is this sort of chemical that's used to treat indigestion. But Pepsi never contained any pepsi. Right.
Yeah. It was just thought to relieve the symptoms of indigestion. Hence, Pepsi. And why was it?
I did a little wiki. I've done some bloody preparation, mate. No, no, no. And there was a riot, did you know?
Pepsi riot. Based on promotion Pepsi did in the Philippines. Right. And they said you could get money if you collected a load of these numbers.
It was the Pepsi's number fever that they were promoting. On the lid of something. Right. On all their products.
Pepsi and other ones they have. You know they're marinda. That's Pepsi as well. Oh, right.
Oh, that's Andrew Inberg. Yeah. Yeah. It's like they're a fanzer.
But it's a lot like that. It's that Summa drink. It's not a sasuma. It's a...
They got orange. Oh, my God. Don't make it out. Don't make it out.
Clementine. Clementine. Oh, my darling. That's what the call opens.
All right. That'll do. Cheep, show, come on. Hello.
Welcome to Cheep Show. The economy comedy podcast with me, Mr Paul Ganon, my co-host. Eli Silverman. I'm returning as a special guest, Mr Nick.
Oh. Oh, here we go. In Nick Elms House. Whoo.
It's Mr Angly going to call. No, we're not going to see you. Hello. Hello.
Hello. Yeah, we're doing a Pepsi special in the next place. Yeah. And we have got plenty of Pepsi for you today.
And I have got a Pepsi themed price of Shites. Okay, great. So there are some Pepsi accoutrements on offer today. That's great.
I just so you know, I haven't had any Pepsi yet today. Okay. I'm Pepsi-free so far. Are you a daily drinker?
Yeah, it's a 10 to be, 10 to be. Yeah. So I'm kind of jonesing at the moment. Jonesing for Pepsi.
We've got plenty of good shit here today. We've got some good shit. However, just a tiny little bit of admin. On next week's episode, we will be revealing the date to episode 500 and the live show which will take place in August.
And finalising details now, one effectively keep the end of August 3 because we're doing a cheap 500 in Cambridge. Lovely stuff. And there will be a live stream option available for those who can't make it to Cambridge, who live elsewhere around the world. We'll be streaming the show live.
We're advancing Cambridge. Junction 2 venue at the Cambridge. I'm just saying, what a lovely venue. Lovely venue.
I think I've done Junction 2. Yeah. It's a lovely little venue and they seem happy to have us. And actually thinking about it, we started Tube Show in Cambridge.
Yes, we did. We've never done a walk about in Cambridge. We'll be able to do those episodes until I move back to London. Last time I was in Cambridge, I found a fantastic, basically Chinese noodle, not noodle, dumpling specialist restaurant.
They had their own 300 year old recipe chili oil in there. It was too many dumplings. It was about 50 dumplings. Where?
In that road with all the Chinese restaurants in Cambridge. Good stuff. I never had a good time in Cambridge. You know what I'd like to do in Cambridge?
They've got bloody excellent brutalist buildings. Right. I'd like to check those out. Right.
And also Chinese food. So, just saying maybe we should go back to Cambridge and do a walk about episode. We haven't done that. That'd be nice.
You know what was really good about the cruise I'd just been on? You could get sit down meals every night, sort of a service, you know? And then all the, and then have the thing where some guy, he's speaking of this. Let's do it!
You'd like some guy, you'd have to applaud all the staff and everything. And then you'd have to be like, I'd play Black Eyed Peas and everyone out there at Hankys. Not Hankys, but you know what I'm saying? And do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd all go walking through the restaurant like that. Did you do it? I was like waving my hand key.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh. And someone's like, what were they introducing?
Guy the chef. Ladies and gentlemen. Now you can speak English probably. I can't ever size enough how much he mangled the word gentleman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, he's kept you happy. But that was really, you know, it felt fancy because you had the whole drinks waiter in the bread rolls.
And we really enjoyed that. Oh, bread rolls, eh? Yeah. And you can fill up on bread rolls.
Also the worst part of every meal in it. What, the bread rolls? You just can't stop it. And you have to stop.
Yeah, you have to stop. Because it's going to ruin the rest of your meal. Yeah, it does. If you don't stop.
You know. And who wants to go eat bread and butter? You can do that. I'll tell you what.
Other people's bread and butter is always good, right? Well, it's more tasty if it's other people's. Oh, yeah. If you go to somebody, give them free bread and butter.
Oh, I've never wanted bread and butter more. Yeah, they had nice little seeded ones as well, like a variety of ones. Oh, yeah. That's right.
That's right. Anyway, we had a server called Marlon, right? Yeah. And my brother-in-law loved the guy because he was just pure like, he was like telling us this story about how he's feeding his whole family back in the Philippines, like, through this job and his sister was like disabled and all this stuff.
It was just a charming man. Bloat slaves, we called them. They, whenever you talk to them about them. Okay.
When you say we call them, they're face. I don't know. But like, when you say we, you're an idiot family. Yeah, we call them boat slaves.
I'm sorry. Interesting. They do. I was fighting for better tipping for my family unit for all of these stuff.
I'll have you. No. You're just, you're just, you're just tipping for every meal. Well, you're not cheap.
I mean, not cheap. Everything was free. Yeah. So you may as well tip.
Yeah. But you tip them every meal. We tip them every meal and for drinks, the endless flow of free drinks that we partake in as we did trivia on the, on the drinks and trivia. Yeah.
Yeah. So fun. So you ended up basically spending as much as you may have spent, had it not been all in case. Yeah.
Yeah. But you had a lovely time, didn't you? What's important? But you're all boatlocked, right?
You're all clinging NASA on the second day. Yeah. And then we went to Grand Bahamia on the third day. But the crew of the crew, right?
The crew were on the boat. The crew were on the boat. They were there for seven months. Yeah, right.
So surely you were just sort of like... You were listening to the cheap show podcast. You could just sort of fly around up at the end of the trip, right? You're a tip in me.
You're a captive audience, right? Yeah. So at the end of the whole thing, you could go to the... And not tip them.
No, you can't tip them. The whole way, and they give them a great big tip at the end. Well, that's where your room guy who does the, who does the tail animals in your room when you're seeing that. The tail animal.
Yeah, and he also cleans the thing. I went on a day in Egypt and we had an animal tail guy. And we were going to tip him at the end. So, you know, the last one he tipped was a crocodile, really ornate.
I don't know how many tails he got. I could do it with a tail. Yeah, I did a chicken with a tail to entertain a child one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It ends up just a vagina. The mum was a rat. No chickens, they go like a family. No, they're bad.
Let's forget to do your wits like a logical thing. No, David Lynch in his most famous... One of his most famous... That's David Lynch.
He's a quating fan eater, dead chicken in that. Yeah, but that's David Lynch. He's a metaphor. Right, but you're a salmonella.
Anyway, our tail guy had a monkey. He did a monkey hanging off the light. He was fucking good. Well, our crocodile guy, what we did was we...
It was so beautiful. We both put our hands underneath it and we lifted it in one piece to the floor. And then we left. We lifted it back on the bed and we put a load of money in its mouth.
That's a little joke. Yeah, that's nice. So, when we left, he had this big tip in his room, but he didn't check the room. And he chased after us and he said, Give us a tip!
Where's my tip? Where's my tip? We were like, you're ruining it. You're ruining it.
Imagine if you've done something really sweet and whimsical. We've put money in the crocodiles mouth, the day of Rindi. No, they give you a little tip. We didn't want to tip him after that.
We didn't want to tip him after that. He still needs the tip. It's too late. We had tips and by the point we'd tip him to the point of breaking.
I'm ready for Pepsi. Have we finished talking about Cruz holidays? Listen, at least I've got something to talk about, Paul. All you...
Everything you do is shutting down and reorganising. It's like... Shut up, so I can't hold the fucking show. Oh my God.
Simples. Simples. Ah! Ah!
I love it. I can do that. Yes, we're doing Pepsi all week this week. Well, today's episode, and we just get into it, because we've got a lot of shit to get through.
Now, wait, I'm going to do a break. Sound effect. Illy into it. Illy into it.
Ready? Yeah. Sound effect. Pepsi, Pepsi, never been my favourite until they came out with Pepsi Max Jerry, which is very nice.
I mean, that's the root cause of all of this, isn't it? Pepsi Max Jerry. Well, it's the first diet drink that actually didn't really taste like a good diet drink. Like, with Diet Coke, you're kind of like, it's a different drink.
Yes. So you have to get your head round. I've got my head round it nowadays. But if you were on Coke as a kid, then Diet Coke came along.
It was like, what's this? Yeah. It's what that's like. Yeah.
Misherful. Disappointing. It's a little bit of joy. Accurate.
But then if you live off Diet Coke, you get used to it. When you go back to Coke, you're just like, how sweet is this? Yeah. Crazy sweet.
Whereas, so I always like, when I was at school, I always run like Dr Pepper and Sherry Coke. Like, Dr Pepper and Sherry Coke. Wow. And then when you get older, you try a Pepsi Max Jerry and then you just cannot believe that delicious.
Well, I agree. But Paul wouldn't. I decided for the sake of Goodwill this week, I will not be putting forward my opinions on Pepsi Jerry Max. Well, you can get a bad batch.
I mean, the fake sugary flavour in any diet or maths. Yeah, no, I guess that's literally what Paul's down to. But what we're saying, I think the theory that Nick has, and again, I'm not pressing your points, I'm agreeing with you and I'm going along with this. I do not need to be fucking challenged.
Okay, I'm not challenging. I feel ready a little bit. I think that you are coming from a point of ignorance. Well, no, I just think we're just trying to educate you a little bit on why we like it.
I would like you to accept me for who I am. Are we accepting? And the differences that bring us all together as a community, that you're learning about? Why are you so fucking defensive to me?
Wow. Fucking not defensive. Oh my God. Right.
I just like calm down. You fucking both. On my podcast, the chance to talk about Jerry Pepsi Max and I'm doing it. Pepsi Max, that's my bugberry.
What? The cherry Pepsi Max? You're like your Max cherry Pepsi's. You have them.
I'm just saying you have them and you enjoy them. So to share my Pepsi Max, Pepsi cherry Max. It's terrible. Pepsi Max cherry.
To summarise, what Nick is saying is, and I think the industry and insiders would agree with us here, Pepsi Max cherry was the breakthrough sugar free drink. It achieved... Why do the Tony Blair hands? Because I am a little bit of a politician.
My aim is a man and a politician. That's why I'm a little bit of a man. Tony Blair. Right.
Not really. Right. Well, I'm keeping that in the edit. It was...
Can you also say to that context, I admire his war effort and the Iraq war. I admire Tony Blair. Do you remember things can only get better by D-Ranger? I love that song.
And then it would have been for Tony Blair. It would have been a flash in a pan. It would have come and gone on that song. Did it get re-released and go to number one again because of Tony Blair's election victory in 97?
I think it was all those situations where the song came out anyway around the state. No, it was a few years previous. Do you mean we're very much the kid rocker of their generation? I think it was the Doctor of Brian Cox on keyboard.
Doctor of Brian Cox on keyboards. What we're saying is that Pepsi Max Cherry was a success, not because of marketing, but because of words of mouth people were just saying. Yeah, that's true. I'll tell you the only other one that's almost like that is Fanta Zero, which is one that's exactly like Fanta.
Question. If you were a new cherry from it, would you drink Pepsi Max as is? I have drink. Yeah, I can.
I personally prefer if you go for a non-cherry zero sugar drink, I would prefer DiCote now, because I say I'm used to it now. And actually I actually quite like the taste of DiCote. I like the taste of DiCote. Yeah.
I feel like I'm in an office and I've just spotted a tasty little hunk. It's kind of a person. Fuck me. I'm dropping off.
Yeah, absolutely. Drink all this. Don't cook. So I've got empty cans to come into.
Yes, absolutely. Shit into. You've always got a homeless person. And I'm a smack into a can.
Sorry people shit into cans. And at that point I would bother with the effort. I'd just do it off the floor at that point. It can be more of an effort to try and aim for a neck of a can than it is just doing it on the floor.
But with that, with that. I think we can all ease rather than discomfort. We can all agree though that Pepsi Max Cherry was more successful than Zero Coke Zero, or any of these attempts. It is the flagship zero sugar soda.
Wasn't Coke Zero an answer to Pepsi Max? Oh, right. I think there was Coke and Diet Coke and Pepsi and then Pepsi brought out Pepsi. Wait, so hang on.
What's the difference between Diet Coke and Zero Coke? It's a different suite of sweeteners. So it's part A and one and something in the other. Yes, but also Diet Coke is deliberately designed to taste like its own thing.
So Diet Coke is meant to taste like Diet Coke. Where is Coke Zero's meant to taste like Coke? Didn't it all out the same time when the sugar tax was coming in all that shit? I think Pepsi Max came up before the sugar tax.
I did, but let's do that. Yeah, like it was snowboard with the tax. But now Pepsi Max is standard in a lot of pubs. It's just like an overcoach and then like a Pepsi Max.
Yeah, it's a Pepsi. But not do you mind if it's Pepsi? Do you mind if it's Pepsi Max? Well, this is something that people are not concerned about.
Because if you want sugar, you should be able to get sugar if you want it. Absolutely. You shouldn't just have a standard. It's fucking country.
Yeah. And I should be allowed to have a normal Pepsi. Normal case of diabetes. I don't want to smoke in the pub as well.
Oh, I think that what's interesting is that with Pepsi Max, I can drink litres and litres but with actual Coke or Pepsi. I don't want to drink so much because you're chasing the dragon. Your brain thinks that you've had sugar, but you haven't had any sugar. So you're chasing sugar.
So you just drink loads of those diet drinks. Whereas if you actually get your sugar hit, you know, you drink one, maybe two pints of cocoa day. And also it's terrible for your metabolism, the real sugar. It overloads your metabolism.
And you get really sleepy. That's why you get worse hangovers on those sugary drinks. You get on cruises, for example. Like when we first got to the cruise.
You've been on a cruise. Yeah. We had three drinks. Yes.
And we decided to get margaritas. We decided to get margaritas for our first free drink, right? You get hanging monkey to think. No, during the Saylorway party.
Saylorway, Saylorway, Saylorway. Sailing off party or something. It was called, erm, it was at the beginning. Yes, right.
It was at the beginning. And it's like a fatty margarita. Yeah, I do. But this wasn't like a margarita.
It was horribly sweet. Like, and that's how it's it's been. You didn't drink it this last week. You got this.
I know it's been a joke. Yeah. Please. It's been ages to be verbal.
Oh, I feel terrible today. I had eight margaritas last night and eight margaritas. Margaritas. Margaritas.
Well, I think you're trying to... What have you been clever about that? I'm not trying to. You had eight...
so you had 16 margaritas. I had eight margaritas. Yeah. And eight margaritas.
You ate margaritas as margaritas. I had eight margaritas and I had eight margaritas. Four candles. I don't get it, Paul.
I had eight drinks and then eight pizzas. Oh. This is why I feel so edit out, Paul. I'm going to do it in front of a panel of judges one day and I'll be rewarded then.
You get the end of the judge. I'll see you in Valhalla. Come on, you want to talk about your cookies and eggs? No, I'm going to get a drink out.
That's what I'm saying. I'm going to move shit on, Paul. What is the format in which we will be tasting various... Bag, drink, cup, suck.
Bag, drink, cup, suck. Don't move it on. It's not like a sex worker in a hospital. What is a sex worker doing in a hospital?
Well, a very good job. If they're a private hospital, why? Don't have to find a bed. No.
They're all in. Not a very perfect place. Very grateful customers. Very grateful customers on the verge of dying.
One last Josh off. Bag, suck. All right. So Mr.
Timkin is 86 who's slowly dying in the bed on Ward 17. They're going to rise, keep happening. All of a sudden, knock on the door. Here comes Sexy Lucy and she drops her knickers.
And what? What does she do? The bag is in the dark. Squeeze the bag.
I'm not going with this. What does she do? Tell me more. What does she do to him?
She sucks him off. It's a hard, clean and simple. She draws the curtains around. She draws the curtains next to what happens.
Does she undress to sexy music? First. She probably just sucks him off. There's no pageantry to that.
There's going to be a bit of buildup. It's his last few days. Nick, have you got something here? No.
I want to know what that woman's doing to old Mr. Timkin's in Ward 7. I'm going to start. You might as well break his leg.
I'm going to start with even better. I want to know what she's up to. I'm going to start with a Pepsi here. I think may have existed in Britain, but isn't very common.
I'm going to start with the most common. This one. Raspberry. Oh, hello.
We've had Raspberry. I've not seen this. What language is that? It's Japanese.
Did you get from me? Yes. You've had it before. It was Matt.
It was a special show. Without any further ado, it takes the first picture. I'm going to get all our rankings and numbers for this. When we're finished by this, we have a solid idea of what our opinions are on these soft rigs.
Okay, so what's our base level? Well, we're not going to have a base level. We'll just drink this. Did you like it out of five moving on?
I don't think we need to get too deep. Yeah, as an experience. We didn't bring any Pepsi Macs. I'll drag a lot of Pepsi Macs and I'll be getting to realise that I can't remember what it tastes like.
This is going to be the first one. I'm expecting this. I would say as well, when you get a 199 deal for a bottle of two little bottle of Pepsi, Max, that's sometimes a weaker batch. You get slightly less flavour in it.
I've only ever noticed a natural difference in a soft drink from one batch to another with Red Bull. Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, you get red bull zero. You do get red bull zero never by that. That is one of the echiasoph valves.
What do you mean egg-y? It's purely sulfuric. It stinks of rot on egg when you open it and then it fades from an egg. It's fizzy, fizzy, egg drink.
It's actually forming. They get it from the salmon hypothesis. Very bad. But I've noticed that it's off cans of red bull sugar.
Oh, smells incredible. Do you like the nose? This is raspberry flavour. So, raspberry flavour, full fat coke.
It might be like that coke we had. The Cade in Strawby, well, the fuck it was coke. Oh yeah, you love that, didn't you? That was raspberry coke.
Raspberry coke. I was like, ahh. Because Peche-Mack's Sherry was successful. And then they started like going, hey, do you know how well when you're on holiday they put a bit of lemon or lime or orange in your coke.
Let's try and do that. Right, so instead of adding a bit of lemon, we'll do diet coke with lemon. Not lemon diet coke. No.
Diet coke with like a squeeze lemon. Yeah. So when they did the Pepsi's, they were like, right, so they did lime, they did raspberry, they did cherry, then they bought out mango. Yes, mango.
They've got, we don't have mango to taste today, are we? No. That was good. They bought tropical.
There's been loads of different flavours. You've got tropical. Oh, you've got tropical. Oh, you've got a bit of fucking excitement.
Listen, we've got, that's, you give them a little foreshadowing. The cream soda. The Chekhov's pop. Chekhov's, yes.
The Pepsi Mac. The strawberry cream soda in the Pepsi cream soda is not great. They're not great. It's just like why have you bothered.