Eli, hello, we've got a guest this week on the podcast. Yeah, I'm aware of that. I mean, are you? What?
Are we playing it? So like, I don't know. Or, yeah, you know, you pretend. Oh, am I?
Oh, where am I? Oh, where am I? Just stop with it. Oh, I've come out, my mummy's family.
Oh, I'm having my first experience. You know, I'm just going for the whole fucking life before we get into it. Oh, there's a lot of mess. Well, tight, everyone, 50 years of fucking misery.
Can you? Yeah, it's only throughout time, we join this. Yeah, I got it. Oh, oh, there's my au pair.
Au pair! I like her. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, she'll protect me from the tiger from that book. I'm a teenager now. Oh, I'm a teenager now. Oh, fuck off.
You know the boss of me. What about the whole side of school? I have a special boy stuff. Have you put that in?
I know. I was a special boy. I was a special school for genius children. It wasn't for geniuses.
Yeah, what the fucking shit. I learned to read when I was eight and a half. Right. Really?
What was the first thing you read, though? It was just significance. But I read myself from like a Harry Harrison. Death World.
Was it called Death World? Death. Death. I don't get through your life until we get to this bit where we can reintroduce you.
You're not going through my life. You didn't fancy like War and Peace or anything like that. No. I still ain't read that.
No. Blah, blah, blah. I've got a special guest on the show. Ooh.
Right. I'll go into the cut. What's goobie do? Can I imagine that?
Great. The show. What's goobie do? Yeah, I know I'm fenced taken.
Sorry. Who's the guest, Paul? It's John Colree. Sorry you mangled that.
I think we said John Lane, the old boy man we used to improv with years ago. And I'll forget John Lane's name out of it. Oh, his fucking face. Oh, his fucking bald face.
Right. Let's go this again. What's going on John Lane? What's going on?
He was in his time, had been in a ton of improv and comedy in theatre. He worked with a famous improv guy. He was balding out of war on his head. I do not know.
Ken Campbell. Ken Campbell. He's like improv with a guy. Who's part of Ken Campbell like a go-bop?
Yes. Mark and Megas all of the way, but whatever those things. Just to transform with it they make the big. Yeah.
They all come together to make one big improv. One big massive comedy character in Prostalk. Ken Campbell. He was part of his group along with people like Eddie Isard.
So like this guy knew his stuff. A powerful man. But we got to perform with him. Whenever he learnt it was long gone.
Long gone time ago. Because every sketch we did in an improv game with him, the Laughing Cavalier's in London's loNdoff club bar, whatever, upstairs. Campbell? Every sketch we've evolved him at some point, grabbing you from behind and trying to bomb you.
Every time not trying to, actually trying to bomb you. No, that would be. That would be, that would be. That would have happened.
No, pretending to bomb. Doing a stage bombing. Stage bombing. I like this guy.
I liked it as well. I like it as well. No, I like, I'm sorry, it wasn't very good at improv. Or comedy.
Or comedy club, I'm sorry, but it was. Oh he's like, oh it's funny as fuck, I've got a honest. Oh, well. His whole mind didn't seem to be going very well.
I don't know. At one time he was going, I was in, he was trying to work some gags with us in the hallway before he was on the show. He said, I was wanking the shower and I went, yeah, I was listening to music. I went, deep purple.
What do you mean deep purple? I've got it after all these years. I've got what he was getting. He's got his vaney, he's got a good shot.
I'm sorry, you're already saying this later, mate. Has he got a pocket? Sure. Oh man, the stories he can tell John Laid apart from...
Sorry, Laid and Rain sounds good already. Oh, Laid and Rain, the podcast. I'm thinking of the kind of thing in reality he returned to Australia to be close. He was married to someone and they went out there.
He was like teaching boxing at a boy school or something. It was a whole life. He was a boxer and improvising. He was a man of all trade.
He was a man of all trade. He was a man of all trade. You tried to stop him. I mean, you tried to stop him.
Even two other experts had more than one meaning. He's a boxer, so I wouldn't want to stop him. No, he could have had me. He definitely could.
Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show this week. John Rain, for two of my podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, it's out.
Everything. And everything. Oh, I called me out. That was meant to be the Italian to the credits.
I don't think et al means why do you do this to me? It wouldn't be the same if you didn't. It would be better. We might need more awards.
You already got one. No, it's right behind you on the show. That could be yours. Which shocks me because your podcast is far more respectable.
You can have that very award. I'm actually listening to the award. I think that's really exciting. I'm going to take a picture right now.
So if you do end up winning it. You can say you predicted it. You can say you predicted it. You can say you predicted it.
He dropped me. He dropped me. He dropped me. He dropped me.
He dropped me. He dropped me. He dropped me. He dropped me.
And he dropped me. He dropped me. He got down. He dropped me.
He dropped me. The winner is a fucking loser. There's no pun but Snifflepool. No.
He's a loser. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. I'll get the static in there.
Watch the gimmick. I'll just... Look, head looks like a knob. I think you're going to say you're just on job, but you're dobs out all the time.
No, no, no. It's just now a tiny different person. Right, of course. I am my own person and I've got a very creased for...
sort of creased head. So... From certain angles and distances and with a little bit of glycol to make it shine. My head looks like a knob.
Right, so you can have really two really proud shoulders. So instead of wet. I'm naturally looking like a big knob. Get those dynasty shoulder pads put in.
I look like a bat and mushroom knob. I've got very thick, wiry hairs on my big head. And my head's creased. I love my head.
Yeah, just like Bob Hoskins in the film. I'll release it. Of all the example I can think of. Listen, shut up.
John Rain from the Smursh Pod Podcast is here with us after many years of begging. It's true. And he's there now. So you've got to put up with at least for your first appearance, nothing but bond shit to talk about.
Because that's what your podcast on the Met, based on, isn't it? Well, the foundation. The foundation. So what is it now?
What are you doing now? Just films in general. The film is in general. You see, I've linked.
Like degrees of Kevin Bacon sort of thing. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore.
I've been to people there for a long time. And all they want to talk about is bond. I'm sure you get a ghost passage. Yeah.
Yeah. And the thing is, at least with bonds, you've got like 20 odd great films. At least at least 10 great solid movies that you could talk about with passion. And then the rest of it, whatever.
And then if you were really sick. Whereas you've got frozen empire after life. And those shit two other ones. I know.
I've got one good film. If I want to stretch it, an animation series to work with when it comes to what I'm generally passionate about. Was there ever a proposed Ghostbusters Bond universe merge? I bet we can make it work.
I bet it's someone that was a link. Theoretically, you could at the time have crossed over real ghostbusters with James Bond Jr. I think they were about, what was ending with the other was beginning. I'm sure it was something like that.
Was James Bond Jr. an animated thing? Yeah. He wasn't even James Bond's son.
No. He was an echo named James Bond Jr. I think. Oh, oh crap.
Did you hear our recent episode with the Roger Moore crime stoppers? No. He told us about the end to serve. Oh, no.
I'm in this book. Literally. What a great adventure you had. Rob's kind man.
He is. Less is more. No, no, no, no, no. Bull bomb.
Because Roger Moore. I got it. Yeah. If I could have if he's surname was Les.
It's middle name. Who's? He's a big fat arse. What?
What? What? I think now you're both looking at me score full. And you're the one saying knob job.
Well, no job. There's more than ten millions. Yes, that had context. You're both more witty than I.
I'll do it with you. Then. Maybe Roger's middle name was our dog sex. Dog sex.
Yeah. Roger, dog sex up the bum all more. Yeah. More.
More. Keep saying more. Yeah, it is. More dogs.
Oh, I've got a scenario. Okay. Right. The Alcentric Boy has gone upstairs with his girlfriend.
Yeah. He's gone to caffeine. No, go to me, I'd sit down. He's not.
No, go to school. miscposal Ashe has gone upstairs with his girlfriend. He has got a son. What's his son's name is gonna load a B move.
He's not... Not important for this joke. He's a hiccush. Oh, risinger.
Jeffrey Moore. Jeffrey Moore? Jeffrey Moore. ON-SCREEN CHATTER And she's like, oh, oh, they're having it.
They're doing it. He's having it off of her. Who is Roger Moore? His son.
I'm just saying. Is this Roger Moore? No. He's girlfriend.
Right. She's watching. Is it hot? No.
No. I was watching. I should have been flicking the little red fire. Do you want to hear the joke or not?
Is this a joke? Yeah. I really want to hear it. I thought it was a rotting.
All right. I'm starting to look at the beginning. Roger Moore. Oh.
It's just got a little bit of a panic. Oh, come on out. He's just had a newspaper delivered. Yeah.
He's reading it over a nice cup of tea Sunday afternoon. His son sneaks in. Goes upstairs. He hears a banging his girlfriend upstairs.
And she's very vocal. Oh, oh, oh. And she goes, oh, Moore. And he goes, what's that?
And someone goes, look, it's just like Roger. And she's like, Roger. And he's like, Moore. And he's like, yes.
She's like, Roger Moore. And what she's referring to is morning. He's the obvious joke, though, that you would make with Roger Moore. It's like, it's not even clever build on you.
Yeah, I thought the setup was really good. The setup was brilliant. How about this joke? Let me just, now while we're doing this, can I just, can I say this?
I say, I say, I say, I say. Yeah. I've, it's startup. It's like TripAdvisor, but for venues on Ibiza.
Right. A lot of rave reviews. It's not bad. Not bad.
A lot of rave reviews. Tell you what, I tell you what, I don't go to the festival. I've had this quite intense. Oh.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't have any jokes. Let's show it up, panic it. Oh, you're a capal. I just said to myself, I was just still taking a sense of your problem.
And I was trying to think of another one you could do a similar joke with. And I was saying, maybe this middle name is Darsal. And you could say, P, it's Darsal. What was that?
Maybe broken this gala for car. Yeah. Yeah. P, it's Darsal.
Well, it must be a certain, like, you know, because like, if it's in the helmet, it's a Prince Albert. I wonder what the, it's a reverse Albert or something. I'm tuned out. I know.
I mean, you wouldn't want to P, it's Darsal. It's a reverse Albert. P, it's Darsal. We should be together.
Yeah. Like a padlock. Like a, like a garden fence. It's like, it's a catch on it.
I'd call you, you need to take a minute. OK. Why is it in that coffee? Not enough coffee, actually.
When I got, you were like, oh, I don't know. I mean, pick me up. Is that a cup of sips of coffee? I'll be honest.
It's crying. It's a piss-ball-rotch-ball-sex story, really, kids, so I don't know. I'm really quite happy with it. Well, right.
So as we established, John Rain is the star and host of the Well Respect and the Much Love Smosh podcast. We've got them on the show today. But as is our once, because it is your first appearance, and hopefully not your last, we're going to throw a load of bond shit at you until you get tired of it and then you never have to talk about it again on the show. Good.
So I've got today, a whole episode dedicated to bond stuff I found in charity shops over the last few years. And we'll do a massive price of shite, you versus Eli. Yeah. I've got the whole episode.
Any item may hopefully give us a little bit of something to talk about, and a few laughs along the way. So let's just hope we get on well. Listen, wonderful. Yeah, so do you have any questions before we go forward?
No, no, no, just a long time listener. So it's good to be here. So you know what to look forward to. I know what to look forward to.
Yeah. And as well, all whole accounts. No, no touching you. Can't touch people.
Right. Shall we crack on? Sure. Let's crack on.
You're in control, mate. What's the last question? Yeah. Why is it necessary to not do the 3-2-1?
Because you're going to edit this on. Yeah, but also, I give me a little bit of time. Should I need to do a noise reduction? I give me a little bit of science at the beginning to do so with.
You're the technical. You're the professional. You're the professional. Get out.
I'm out. Yes, I was a few. I'm a full variable. Carry on the shoulder and take you out.
What, drammy? Yeah. Well, I was going to empty a bag out on the floor. Yeah, yeah.
I've got the chair leg. We're not going to be the one. Let's have a noise. You bring up the chair leg.
I don't know what I know. What I know. I know what you to do. No, I was going to say it's a fan favourite.
No job, he's back. Oh, he's a fan favourite. Do we mean you right now? Yes.
I'm a fan. What's your name? The villain. The villain.
I'm Dr. Blowjob. He can't be Blowjob and No job. Yeah.
Well, it's safe. He wasn't Mr. Win the Mr. Skin.
Well, all right. That was Scabby Mango. What's up with that? Scabby.
Yeah. Scabby. Clunge fingers. Clunge fingers.
My hands are not the book gaping for giners. Oh, no. That really is. That really weird.
It's like seeping pussies on my hand. Oh. I'll make it that way. I'll make it that way.
I'll talk to Spunk. Oh, hello. I'm gone. That little, that little classic sewie wears.
It'll be like full of Spunk. And maybe, you know he's got one metal and like, yeah. He's got two metal and. Yeah, yeah.
I thought you had one metal and. Yeah, he could too. I've got one metal and it's constantly in the shape of like holding something like a banana. Like a beer bit.
Yeah, like a beer bit. But it's a German. It's a German. Yeah.
No, it's that thing that when you've got a really cold can supposedly you put it in like a bit. Yeah. And it doesn't get your hand cold. No.
I don't know if I'm paying badly. That's my. That's right. That's my knowledge goes that far.
Right. We're going to do the intro. Ready? We're going to do the price of shite music and we're going to do a bi theme.
Because it's the price of shite game. Do do do do do do do. You do the bits where you do the prices. Okay.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. That's right. It's very familiar to the theme we all know and love.
Then. The ping, then. That. I would take it to Market and I tell it to Park it in the corner next to Turks the pig.
Yes. Well, he's probably eyed. Willy wig. Willy wig.
I need to stop you now. Please do. Yes. We were having a conversation with.
Yeah. He's a investor bought music. I was not aware that the three separate themes. Yes.
You've got do d'twanchantw headphones and particular ones. Yep. That's a normally one. Literally I love that little something.
Now. What is the double ecstasy? That's wrong. That's right.
That's right. That's right. I always got confused with Thunderbirds. I thought that came from Thunderbirds.
No, you think I thunderball? No, definitely Thunderbirds, because I thought number two came out of the hole in the hole. Thunderball is the first one that was a... Number two comes out of hole in the hole.
Yeah. We're playing the prize of shite. It is a game we do on the podcast quite regularly where we go to charity shops, I buy things, and there we have to guess the prices of those things. Those things are between, so how are between Mr Silverman?
You can win between two main ways. There may be some sub ways, and that's where you get sandwiches, but... Sorry, sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Oh, dear. Oh, I can't keep thinking about sub ways now.
Do you want a minute? It seems like you might want a minute. You get between two main ways, Paul, and this game. Two main ways.
You get the price. If the price is exactly right... Bang on, you say a £2, then it is a £2. And it is a £2.
And that is when a you-a-gitter. You-a-gitter. Two-a-gitter. Two-a-gitter.
The twinger-bob- It's the thing we all dream of. A twinger-bob- A twinger-bob- A you-a-gitter, right? But what if Eli just going to propose something to you? What if I'm close?
I'm in the book. I'm in the book. I don't know. 25p, either way, the actual price.
I could, in a sort of 50p-shaped window, sad-stride the actual price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking exactly that. And it's see-through.
Like, if I said £1.75, but it was too quick. And we're not... Well, actually, in this semi-opake window of possibility, it's like a bit more... A bit more on the number line.
Like a membrane. Like a membrane. Like a... Like a...
Like a... Like a... Like a... Like a...
Like a... Like a... Like a... Like a...
Like a... Like a... Like a... Like a...
Like a outside business. Of course. So that one item was a pound, exactly a pound, and if you... That only...
Do you get two that are being spot on, but doubles your points before the Knowie, which item was the quiz-gambit. So to be clear, you said a bonus was between. Right? That's a better one.
Right, yeah. Got one, two, three, four, five, six. Seven items today, to get through. It's bond crazy and...
You could take this home with you today, if you want them because I don't... Right. So I start with the first item... It's a simple one-together.
It's a simple one to get us going but a nice introductory item. You can have a look at that It's just it's dead simple. I just got this. I'm holding a novel of moon ricker with an introduction from Michael Dibden I don't know who that is.
He was pan and horse. Oh the front or back. It was introduction. So I suggested front.
Yeah, probably Yeah, you don't give the introduction to the bag either the back end of it It's from It's Penguin books and it was published from trying to see oh 2000. Oh, you read the books or do you just like the film? You've read a couple of them, but I like the films which one of your red live in a die. Yes And I'm not just a good service because it was like an adaptation.
Oh the adaptation of the film No, I mean it's like this one of the one book where it's like nearly spot on in terms of the way it was adapted Oh, the rest of us all cherry picked So which one's the spot on one? Manchester secret's earth and that's the anomaly in terms of the actor as well because that's the one that's there one Ladies and gentlemen, no, I've got some things to say about the cover of this book, right? The way that they put double seven next to Ian Fleming makes it look like it says Uzi and Fleming Well, maybe it is doesn't it? That's that's a movie in front of a bond.
He's the author of Bond Who's in Fleming who's using flimp? Yeah? No, also the way that you have the rocket going up in front of what's the baddie and moon r I'm happy to go first. I can go first.
I feel like I do know one of these items is one pound. Do we have some kind of rough ceiling I spent across these seven items not a single penny more than 23 pounds I've seen quite yeah, but over the course of years So it's a show you pickness we go and a few items account like oh, yeah, I can see why they're a bit more than usual now This moon rake is nothing like the fucking film. It's 22 pound 50 I mean that's why I was thinking because that's the standard pricing in Oxfam, isn't it what for a book? Yeah, yeah, yeah 22 pound 50.
Oh, no, not 22 Fucking listen 250. It's 250 man's book. I'm gonna go first and I'm gonna say I'm gonna say two pounds two pounds I'm gonna say yeah, it's Oxfam. I can't remember watch out your shop.
Oh, yeah, maybe okay, so You know what I'm gonna do the Queen's Gamba I think I'm gonna put cute. Yeah, you know what I've got a gift for our guests. Oh, this is Ian Fleming Yeah, thrilling cities these are easy roads. Oh, yeah, have you seen this before haven't so there?
I thought you might like it The quotes on the back as they are quite a second seems a bit about things He's been to an eaten and rest visit our basically little travel report Arge essays. Yeah, and by Ian Fleming Yeah, and here we go. Here's one from the Denver Post. It's almost as much fun as double seven battling Smursh for the safety of Fort Knox This must be around the time of go think it's Murch and for Knox both features and behind I know it's going to be he's kind of He's mentioning Smursh Travel tome's made list beaches and shopping centers, but Fleming concentrates on more interesting matters boardy houses.
Oh girls Oh gambling girls The man with a golden girl's the list boardy houses girls in capital gambling girls whiskey girls dirty entertainment girls Sort of playboy guide to the cities where James Bond would go for recreation Tom Ian Fleming We have from the Raranoke times a more entertaining or better informed companion could not be procured though Her bane Fleming seems endowed with magic as though he had been touched by a flying carpet Zestful witty intriguing. It must be an American book. They'll use quite some American then you have sauce. It's reading quotes.
This is fun It's interesting. Yes, is it here is a sizable package of raw materials for doing yourself raw dog Do it yourself escapism. It's unmistakably unlawful flavor makes thrilling cities a fiercely intriguing book racy Harry chested intoxicating Wow One last one heady powerful stuff bottled by bond. I enjoyed flaming bonds book immensely Wow spanking up raw dog.
I want to pick around the page of seal we get. Oh, I like the way it's red The book outside is red. Yes, very exciting. The pages have red edges opulence.
It does. I'll tell you what it goes by cities in this Yeah, that's right so he goes the Hong Kong Macau Tokyo Honolulu everybody talk about pop music Los Angeles That's my end cargo by end by It's all linked Hong Kong. There you go. That's for you.
Thank you so much I'll give you both to sign that before I leave as a sort of a memento of my visit here Yeah, yeah, ten years prison for kidnapping a bill providing deterrent punishment for kidnapping minors. Oh, yeah, we're that Right, but anyway, we got the book and you both for sale price. We're gonna move you Can't get a bit of a secret about that. Let's find out what the next item is Right this one is a charity shop fine, and I give this one to join again Say what this is the original of the official double-time fact file.
I have this I've had this in terms of child. It's like a annual it's all like an annual goes up to license to kill it Yeah, yeah, okay, I like the kind of down play laces to kill in that for the obvious reason Yeah, cuz the kids can't go see it It's like rated 15 in the UK but it's a lot of little facts and figures and it goes back gadgets adventures Yeah, what's up? What the more what went the Daniel Craig films when they 18's no no days the highest thing 12 a yeah Cuz one of them I think 12's the highest one of them but Skyfels got the F word in it does it yeah I don't remember the F word in there and says it fuck off Here comes this goes up to which one license kill a nine which was the first of the second of the Second of the delta for break. Yeah This is very much it says fact well, but it is a very good condition It's very good condition.
It's 37 years old. Hi the format is very much the hardback annual format a four size with a I don't know Richard Hollis is back who wrote this on the back You've got pictures of why do you only read the back of books today? There's like tons of stuff for the middle of it that you could pick out randomly and entertain us with Jesus Christ I read it It's not the book itself. It's like saying all right boards a sausage roll and then read the packaging and not eat the sausage Rondie MC like a son about having Christmas with Richard Hollis How did that go?
It's not a big any diode use it there. It's called Christmas. Yeah, what he's in the car with a Down like it in fantastic to voyage like go in Hollis's body That's what they should do we're gonna go a guy holding a boat or die on in a website I hold in a body. Oh my god.
Didn't they do that with those Moses Jones? Oh, I've never seen it It's the animation. Yeah, it goes so Bill Murray, which you know, we've all had to do Well, I was gonna ask you a question. This is a very cheap show If you were having to do in a space or fantastic voyage Yeah, be selling to her body.
Yes, which orifice would you want to go in? I mean, will they inject you is there a particular one you wouldn't go? I'd like to live the life of a sausage. So I want to go in the mouth and then make my way through and come out I was gonna send it out the bum all now.
Listen guys. I want to live that life Listen guys. No, that isn't going inside the body. It is the sausage goes in my body No, really really really well.
The elementary tract is considered the outside of your body by doctors. Yes, you think about it goes Yes, which is all the air outside of your body as well. It's not even like a climb bottle then basically, are you? It's not even even that complicated.
It's just a big tube for your body. It is basically goes in the buttock and then That was a sneeze. Yeah, yeah, I'm still inside my body though. No, no, I am still inside my body No, you're not but you're I mean, you're inside your body.
I'm inside a body because I've entered a body No, I mean, it's what I'm trying to explain to you if I do bum sex. No, I'm not inside your mouth. It's part of your mouth I mean, that's totally right Mm-hmm. You get the point I'm making it's not it's considered the outside of your body I may agree with you on the principle of that but I still think I enter you I'm inside you by default to be me not outside of you However, you can have peepee hole that goes in Yeah, or ears or nose.
No, no, no, that's connected to that. It's basically does all apart from peepee hole. Yeah, that's a shame They missed the trick. Yeah, but yeah, they should have had a bit where he's gonna eat No, it's so seabilly.
Every wank to mouth. It's a bit old wank to mouth. It's no bit with a fake right. Or over past our work of Cardo.
It's gonna get transferred to Meg Ryan fight the mouth. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's what I remember. It's not blurry.
It could be great. It was blurry. Oh, lift off. You know what I mean when he's spunks anyway.
No, we can't. I'm good at working out by some piece like Yeah, could be here for weeks if it was me. Oh my God. So, uh, villains gallery part three.
Yeah. I like friends. I love the name Francis Gara-Manga. It's a favorite villain.
It was a favorite villain. He's surrounded by mediocre bonk. He's not a great film. He's one of the best villains.
Nice for Lee. Yeah. Oh, fucking Lee. And he took it seriously considering he must have looked around the way.
And he absolutely should have. Apart from Drax, he has some of the best dialogue as well. Drax has the best dialogue in Moonraker. He does all my favorite lines at all.
We're gonna see some porn comes up to the bottom. The way he delivers it is just this is what I can have. If you took Drax out and put him in the spy you love me, it would make that gold. Yeah, that's the one thing about the spy love me that's a villain is quite dull.