Ladies and gentlemen, it's another time, just to you intro. Just to you intro. I was gonna be witty. You can't.
Just to the intro. What's the one of those witty long ones? You know I gone for ages and you get annoyed. You're not gonna do that, yeah?
I'm not gonna do that. Okay, so you're not gonna interrupt me? No. Unless this counts as interrupting.
It does. But you have to start there. You, we're looking at my face. You can see me inhale.
You're looking at my lips. I've always looked at your lips. Your lovely, lovely lips, like two hot sausages in a nest of face hair that I just wanna stick my lovely tongue on and go, I'm not gonna go. This is already...
Okay? Yeah. Hello everybody! Right then!
No, that's way too loud. Fuck sake. Way too loud. You're gonna do it.
Okay, sorry. Almost 50 episodes and you'll have no mic technique. Go on, here you go. I'm gonna interrupt you into all for me today, as promised.
All right everybody! How are you doing? Is that two louds? It was shit.
Yeah. That's the problem with that one. Right. This one's all the gravy.
It's cheap show everybody. My name's Eli Silverman. And who else is in the house? It's a pickle from me today.
It's none other than. You know, you guessed it. Oh, I like it. It's Paul Ganon!
In the house, in the house. In the house. We're on fleek for cheap ladies and gentlemen. On fleek for cheap.
I don't know if 40-year-old men can say that. Don't limit your identity, Paul. It's fluid. You mean I have word salad?
No, your identity is fluid. Oh, I have word salad. Because you thought you'd talk about my speech. No, you always take piss out of it.
It makes me, you know, inside quite hurt. And self-conscious about my language skills. Well, I agree. Maybe I should think before I speak a lot more.
You just seem to be able to just draw a word from nowhere. It just arrives and it has no use. Hell, you have. Exactly.
Exactly. So anyway, hello. Welcome to cheap show. This is episode 49.
Is it really? Yeah. I knew you were going to give me a look when I mentioned the nine. Because we're going to do a house of pickles, which counts as 40.
Okay. Episode 49, everybody. Oh, it's very exciting. Because we're nearly at 50.
And what's going to happen on the 50th episode? Well, I think our plans are to do a real-time episode of Cheap Show. So we'll record it in real-time. No edits.
And the idea is we'll give ourselves 10 minutes per classic segment of the show. And we'll try and do as many segments as we can in an hour. And are we going to try and fit in every single segment that we possibly can? I think the plan is to do a top three life hacks.
We're going to do a cheap eat. Top three life hacks. And you can go to a top three life hacks. Top three life hacks.
And I fucking need to go a dick off. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. Right.
That aside, balls and the cock in my mouth. So I've got a nice taxi around. I'm saying. And then I'm going to, in one swift your movement, bite your cock and balls off.
And then. Well, that will save me money. For what? Ball removal and dating and sex lives.
Anything. That could be a life hack. Yeah. You're knob off.
It'll make you make more sensible decisions. Yeah. It'll be affected by the VDome at all. Anyway, we're doing all the other stuff.
All this stuff you can think, oh, don't get mad. We'll do that. Don't get mad. Cheap eats.
Price of shite. Life hacks. Eli's top ten. Vinyl platter.
Something else. Tell us when to dance. We'll all be the same without that. Paul.
Yeah. Because we can just spare two minutes to tell the same story again. Why not waste two minutes on that story. Me.
As a super. I have to go. I have to go. Go.
Just show me a phone. I think we need a band on you doing the Eli voice. Or at least once per episode. We apparently need a band on me using the sound board on my phone.
A lot of complaints about that. Yeah. It's shit. Yeah.
I have to go to the other side of the book. I have to go along with what they say. Which is I'm fucking disgusted with all this. Oh, dear you tell me.
Just look. I'm just on this show. How dare you? You.
What? I know you're getting them out there. You're Eli Arby. You're all like, I don't trait.
And then you're tweeting stuff like. You're doing the voice again, Paul. In one segment, we're allowed to use it in that segment. Okay.
It's possible. Hello, Twitter fan. Girls, I'm stalking online. I'm not.
No, I take exception to that, Paul. I'm not stalked. Why don't you go, fuck off. I'm not.
Go. No, I don't. You get people who hate you all by yourself, Paul. I'm going to get you a drug, sorry.
People love noodles. All right. It's a fact of cheap show. You're going to have to fucking accept and live with my friend.
Okay. Just accept it. I do accept it. It makes me happy.
It's noodle time. Noodles. All the time. Well maybe you should have even been off podcast call Eli's noodle time.
No fucking tent me. You won't though. No, I won't. No, I won't.
You won't. You do it for me. Anyway, thank you to everyone who's been giving to us on Patreon. Oh yeah.
Everything's being sent out. We miss. So Paul had this. Yeah, go on.
Because they're so nice. I've got the people who give. They're so lovely. Yeah.
I was thinking, right, I was going, I was thinking, I was thinking, right? Yeah. Go around there. Anyway, who's donated what?
Dollar? $10 randomly. Just to let go. Just to let go.
Just to let go. Just to let go. Just to let go. Just to let go.
Just to let go. Just to let go. Just to let go. Just to let go.
Find out where they live. Go on. Find out where they live. Go up.
Go up. Watch them. Go up. I'm scared I'm not going to go with your heart.
With Lard. Yeah. And then I go and I'll make a Nuzzle Mark. Well, wait till they leave.
I'll wait till they leave. Yeah. I'll look at them while they're asleep. Yeah.
And leave a Nuzzle Mark. Where? Just to show my gratitude on their window. Right.
To show my deep, deep gratitude. Well, Nuzzle the Wind Eyes. Right. Thank you, Patrons on Patreon.
You'll be getting a visit from me, but you won't know I'm there. The Nuzzle Man is coming. The Nuzzle Man is coming. Then I'll get, I'll have some kind of, if they do see me.
Yeah. They do see me. I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, hopefully they won't be any kids. Right.
Oh. Yeah. I'll get my little ferret. It's a baby ferret.
It's a baby ferret. It's a name. No. He's the ferret.
Right. Okay. And then I'll give it nugs. Nugs.
They're watching me. I sort of abused the ferret. But don't worry. The ferret.
No. The ferret's safe. Right. The Nuzzle Man, he cometh all over your windows.
Dirty little monkey. The ferret. Not a monkey. I just think the ferret's a step too far.
I think. Well, tell the ferret that. I think it's what you do if someone sees you when you're doing your whole Nuzzle Man thing. You're not on the window and you beckon them towards you.
Right. No. Ignore the ferret. The ferret's not part of the slavery.
I'll get the ferret now. It looks like I'm biting the head of the ferret. No ferret. No ferret.
No ferret cruelty. I want the ferret cruelty. It's all for show. The ferret's playing along.
Like I said, it doesn't matter. I don't want any ferret. I want them to come over. That's true.
If they don't come over, you drop the front of your prance and you put three pink pancakes. Oh, they win though. You see, now that's just crude. That's just crude.
You're going to strike to blobs and blobs and blobs. You're going to be a monkey. You're going to be a monkey. No doubt.
Fizzie, panties, whatever. What have we got coming up on the show? Well, we haven't. But that no seriously.
People, thanks for giving up. If you do want to give money to us for whatever reason. No seriously. Please, but seriously.
We don't sleep well without your donations. So if you do, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. You can go on there and pick any tier you want. We give out special podcasts.
We give out special bits of tap on the e-like collection artwork and the chance to appear on the House of Pickles podcast version of the cheap show brand. And there's going to be one of those house pickles featuring some of you lovely, lovely patrons coming up soon. Okay, good. So thank you for patron people.
Excellent. Thank you for supporting us. What else? Well, the thing is we've been talking so much about ferrets and blobs.
Well, I thought that, you know, we've kind of just not, I was going to talk about two things on putting it out to us. We can cut some, you know, that's the joy of editing, Paul. Yeah, but that's what you do. Isn't it?
Or everything you want. And if you could just have a think about the noodle spin off. Yeah. No, no, not that.
Unless you can't really see a note for it right now. Noodle time. We've been like so. You said right now.
I know true, good point, but I'm still. What were these things you wanted to discuss? Well, I'm not going to do that without me well to meet. We'll send another podcast.
Guy on Twitter, at Omar SalazarC, he set up a picture. He went out and bought a little plastic fruit machine. He can get a pound shot. It's like a coin bank, but you know, he has a little thing that's been round.
Does it actually pay out if you win? It's just for show. He bought one. But what he did was he frotted it up, as I like to say.
He put a cheap show branding on it. So he took all the stickers off. He took all the stickers off. I'm with your face in my face.
Why haven't I seen this? Because we got it today. As I've recorded, so I put it on our website to go to the sheepshow.co.uk, go to episode 48 page or 49 page or 49 page. We're 49 now.
This one. You'll see pictures and that picture from there. It's really cool. It's left as well.
Excellent. So it's like new you. It's a little tail. It looks like a tail.
It looks like a fruit machine. It looks like a fruit machine. That works. And then we've had a few people suggest us noodle stuff.
Yeah. So first of all, cold noodles. As far as I'm aware, you prepare this noodle with cold water. I'm asking you, I'm making this up noodle bread.
Look, I said one thing. One little bit of information. You hate detail. I hate you.
And then I hate you talking about noodles. I'll keep this short then, shall I, Paul? That's what she said. To me.
So yeah, I saw it. It's by Nissen. And it was in Chinese writing. So, or Japanese writing.
So I couldn't read it but it did seem to be a cold noodle. An instant cold noodle. So you just use cold water on the hot? I guess so.
Ice cubes. Well, the thing is there is in China. God, I think this is this and so. They eat cold noodles.
They eat cold noodles, it's a dish. Yeah, you know that. It's like a spatula soup for noodles. Yeah, but there's a lot of like real noodle dishes, not instant noodles, like proper food.
Yeah, it's a cold noodles. Okay. Sober and so on. And you know, they've started to introduce them and so with the, don't give me that face.
Some of the, the ramen restaurants in London now have these cold noodle dishes, which I usually have a nice sauce on them. So if it's something like that, that'd be cool. I hate my life. But it looked to me like it could just be a fake sort of, we're fake, fake ice cream noodle crossover picture.
We'll have to investigate that further, Paul. What else? Yes, we will have to investigate that further. Just one ramen beer.
Someone put us into the direction of someone makes beer with ramen juice or they make it. Well, it's wheat based, isn't it? So I mean, you know, wheat. So it's flavoured ramen beer.
Is that what is it like chicken flavoured? I don't understand. Because ramen is not. So I double check via the internet.
Yes. On the Twitter. Right. Here we go.
One, two, three. Have you? Have you? Have you?
Have you? I've had to call it a oyster. Oaster. Sound.
Oaster? It's lovely. Doesn't taste fishy. It's sort of got a texture to it though.
Oh, I can't. I'll show you the picture of that fruit machine. No, okay. Have a look at that.
That's fucking excellent. That is fucking excellent, isn't it? Yeah. Well done.
That man. Oh, Marcelazar. Thank you, Mr. Marcelazar.
Oh, okay. Where is it gone? It was right there a little while ago. Oh, it's gone.
The image of the ramen beer. Oh, here it is. Ramen beer is brewed with actual ramen noodles. Yeah.
So the link to food and wine, Twitter accounts. So let me read this to you. Okay. That's really good.
It's brewed with actual noodles. Creating all ramen, your beer, blah, blah, blah. It's a good thing for the fourth word. The destination for funky and sour beer.
And this concoction certainly fits into the category. Dinsen upon the ramen flavoring. They brewed a cup of beer with fat. That's the name of the beer.
We have cup of beer. Cup of beer. It's a play on cup of cup of soup or whatever. Cup of noodles.
They brewed the cup of beer with 55 pounds of noodles. Perhaps it would give people the stronger aroma of nostalgia along with their drinks. It's described as slightly tart. Interesting.
Slightly tart with a hint of lemon glass. Lemon grass. Lemon grass. Lime, ginger, and coriander.
Okay. So they've gone for like a spicy profile because you know the taste of an actual noodle, the plain noodle. Yeah. It's pretty neutral, isn't it?
It's just a little bit. So they go on, they're cheating a bit there. Just a little bit. I would love to try some of that, don't you?
On the show and let our listeners know who care about noodles. Yeah. And all things noodle related. I hate you and your fucking noodle potty.
In fact, I want to round you all up. And what? So, oh, I'm the milky bar kid. Don't be ridiculous.
Just put me to chambers. You put me into chambers. Yeah. What kind of chambers?
I want to put you on into small cells. Right? Right. And then I'll feed you one of your involvements.
No. So you can't, I'll feed you noodles. One of your noodles. Right.
So there's a European noodly mess in a bowl. Slide that under the door to the next cell. And they are eating. Are you even centipedes?
But with shit. I think human centipede had shit. Yeah, this takes out the intimate part of it all. So it's like a weak version.
And when it gets down to the very, very end, that person gets a proper bone on noodles. And it goes back your direction. So the person in the middle would never eat proper noodle. I would call it the crap down fucker.
Wow. Got something there? Right, one last thing. This is an advert that I paid on the internet.
One of those, you know, kind of a crazy listy film tree kind of adverts. posted this? So I'm going to read it out. It's what the advert says, I will pay you $1 USD to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one-piece bathing suit.
I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave keys for you and you'll sit at your leisure. I will require at least a five-minute stay. Enable or watch the front door from across the street and using a supply stopwatch will time your entry and departure.
Please supply your own footwork, the noodles will be cooked and they're full slippery. Do not bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner. Weird.
And that's it. Location is in Pittsburgh, northside. It is not okay to contact this postal service at all the commercial interests and the compensation for this job is one US dollar. I think he has a camera in that room with the battle.
Well, he said that he's going to eat the noodles after the person's been in them. So that's maybe that's his thing. Where is the sexual content? Where is the sexual content?
It's the whole concept. Where's the moment where he passes the job? He's eating them when he's eating the noodles because some stranger is not. See, no, I don't think that's true.
I think he's massed the bathing while they're in the bath. I think he's massed about he was he wrote that. Maybe. That's why he's short sentences.
No, I think there's a camera in that bathtub and he goes somewhere else to watch it. So he's sitting there whenever. It's creepy. It's all health.
And then I'd say he's sitting there watching. Did I creep you out? Yeah, I will not be there. I will not be.
I will not be. I will be remotely remotely. I will be there remotely. It's like that's a neighbour.
All right, mate. Yeah, it's Bob. It's Bob. It's Bob.
It's a road. How you doing Bob? What's that Bob? Am I busy tomorrow night around?
No. No, I'll be here. Why? Why?
Why? Why? Or where are you going? To your special place?
Okay, right. And what you're going to do? Lock for women going into your room with a one-piece bathing suit. And coming out, besmirched with some noodles.
Yeah. And time for five minutes. All right, Bob. Yeah, Bob.
I think the home of the neighbour is around here. The neighbour is around here. Bob's right there. I think the neighbour is hit.
Hello. Hello. I've got the big 20 mustache. He has two houses.
One across the road from the property where he has it. The house across the road is just full of tech and screens. It's just a whole operation. It's like that film.
Is it silver? Sliver? The film where Sarah Zonem masturbates in the bathtub. I've seen it.
I've seen it 20 times. Tell me about it. Make something up about it. He's watching her on the telly CCTV.
She's frosting her fapping in the bath. Oh God. And then she's like, oh, oh, oh, and she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then they both go, oh, oh.
And it cuts to a shot of a man eating a dog. No, it doesn't. No, remember that film. So anyway, yeah, he's definitely the neighbour.
Yeah. And it's very strange. Why would if he actually wants someone to do it, what would it's like putting it at one pound, he's kind of saying, you are like me. You know exactly what I'm talking about here.
You'll do it for a dollar. Yeah, because you love it. You love the anonymous people setting up a noodle challenge. What is I'm in the noodles?
What if I'm in the bath of noodles and I want to rub it. I want to give it my own sauce. I don't think you'd get your dollar. How will he know unless he knows how does he know how's he gonna know how's he gonna know how's he gonna know?
He's gonna know he's gonna eat them later and he's gonna recognise that a little bit of that but check the special sauce. Yeah, you won't get your dollar. It'll black like, oh, I'll take it. You won't take it.
You've ruined the whole thing. I'm not doing it unless it's the money, but well, you can't do it then. Well, then I'm not going to do it. Hey, I'm not delivering.
Well, I'll find some other total freak. And that's that story. Right. Okay, good.
Right. That's the way out of five. Two. Let's just start the show.
It's time for my new favorite segments of the show. That was called bland versus brand, but now I've changed it. Yes. What is it called now?
I've changed it to a white singing because I'm thinking of a jingles ago. So I've changed it to Oh, probably. Oh, right. I've got two challenges, which I like.
One of the challenges, one is more personal opinion. First of all, that appears. Toad toad, that's not gonna be a thing. I like this thing.
They're gonna be complaints about that, just like your silly soundboard. And I'll deal with the complaints in the exact same way. I dealt with them last time. By setting up some kind of torture chamber, feeding us our own poop.
Yeah. Good. Okay. Gotta clear that up.
So, I've got good form on this section. Do. I will go ahead and say, you are very good at this. I'm like, because I've done so well so far, I think.
Maybe. Yeah. I might just mess it up today. I'm sorry, I'm only human, everybody.
He's only human. Flour, singing. No one likes you. Right.
Oh, okay. I like you sometimes. So, that surprisingly hurt me. Sorry, I'm sorry Paul.
That was surprisingly cutting. Okay. So, we're gonna do some brand or off brand taste comparisons. Now, the first one, what would you like to do?
Save your sweet first? I like you choose. I don't do it. What do you like?
Sweet or savory? Let's go with the classical order of things and start with the savory. No dessert. That's a fine plan, Mr.
Hillman. Okay. Can I take your hand? Yes.
Well, I can't believe we're actually doing that. So, it feels weird. This was pointing out to me by someone who reads, I think it's short, this magazine on Metro, one of those three people that came to get in London, about Aldi, who are now selling their own brand of hula hoops. Call.
Hoops. They claim when they're done there, they just drop the hoop, the hula bit. Yeah, hoops. You've got hoops in actual shape.
So, they make their own hoops now, called snack right, and they just like hula hoops. They have potato hoops. What, snack right is the range. Is the range that's the smith.
Or the walkers. Yeah, or the bobbies of candy, if we want to reference an earlier. But bobbies also do crisps. They do cover them at a separate date when we go back to my frobshop.
We'll be doing bobbies crisps. These are hoops. Again, as I say, exactly like hula hoops. Potato rings, snacks.
Very salted. Well, I really have gone for a copy of the whole look of walkers, hula hoops there. They really have. Side by side, they're small red packets.
These are like multi-pack packs that you look here. But the actual hula hoops actually don't have a branded sort of brand name. No. That's a difference.
Okay. Hula hoops, one of my all-time classic crisps. It's a classic crisp. For as long as I remember.
And Paul, there's a little bit of colour here. I remember when I was a very small child, I used to love it when my mum would buy me some hula hoops. And I used to pretend that they were little creatures, right? I'd put them all on my fingers.
You know, you put one on each finger because they're hoops. And I used to believe that I, as the destroyer of worlds, as I ate them and crunch down on them, they would be reincarnated at the bottom of the pack and come through. Like this whole cycle of life. Like I was destroying them, but they were coming through.
Don't worry, little hula hoop person. You will live again. As you'll regenerate it at the bottom of my pack. But what happens when you run out of pack?
Well, I was a child. It was a make believe. So basically, you weren't that deep into the idea. You were just kind of a little silly, fantasy.
But I was an enduring fantasy that lasted over like, at least three years, I think 30 then from now. I don't still believe that the hula hoops are little people that I'm eating and then regenerating at the bottom of the packet. Good. That was very much in my tooty fruity and a packet of hula hoops phase, which was a staple for the main child.
If you ever make an autobiography, I want you to call it, the hula hoops and tooty fruity book. OK. So sure, we're going to do a taste test. This is our first taste test because Aldi said, well, the review for the Aldi brand said that the hoops were very, very good.
Some could even prefer them to the hula hoops. Yeah. But they have been like all crisps, Paul. It's been a slow degeneration as the health consciousness kicks in.
And the reduction in salt. I mean, you know, we've just discussed this before. But frazzles, they're a shadow of their former self. Do you think?
Yeah. I can't really remember now. They used to be more bakely. And now they are baconless or they're just salty now, unless, yeah, unless.
And it's just definitely to do with the reduction in salt that they were always manufacturers were forced to do. They take our fun. They take our bloody fun away from us. They take our world away from us.
You like silverman? Leave voter. Shut up. Right.
So we're going to do this, right? So how confident do you think you'd be able to take the difference between the hula hoops and the hoops? I'm going to say, pretty confident, Paul. OK.
Good. I'm going to open these packets now. I need a blindfold. No, you just close your eyes.
I know, but I can't trust myself. Some glasses. It's all right. I don't have a fucking sunglasses.
Oh, yeah. Sunglasses. Those great, obscure of lights. Put you six socks behind me.
OK. Well, I'm up for that. Yeah. Eli, Sylvan is now putting dirty socks.
I've got a grotty okey over here. I've had the old grotty okey. Oh, he's doing it. He's putting the sunglasses on and talking dirty socks to the front of the lenses.
You look like an utter prick. Well, it's working, though, Paul. Where's my mark? Give me my eye.
Why don't you just sit down? Fuck you. It's not touching me in real life. This is my right.
Am I speaking into it? All right. Yes. OK.
All right. OK. So actually, the smell of these socks is kind of interfere. Well, maybe that will help.