Ep 5: How to Get an Adult Autism, ADHD, or AuDHD Assessment

Show NotesEpisode details* Season: 1* Episode number: 5* Release date: 2026-05-21* Hosts:* Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026)* Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse* Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith* Director: Linda Highfield* Duration: 00:26:10* Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study* Summary: What actually happens during an adult autism evaluation — and how do you know if you can trust the person doing it? In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros (Ph.D., autistic) and Sarah Liebman (MFT, ADHD) walk through the real experience of getting an autism assessment as an adult. They trace the evolution of the DSM from 1952 to today, explaining why the diagnostic criteria have historically missed women and late-diagnosed adults. They break down what to expect in the room, how to evaluate your evaluator for cultural competency, current research awareness, and neurodivergent-affirming practice, as well as what kind of resources and support you should expect to have in place. The episode closes with Natasha's personal account of the moment she received her diagnosis, and a frank conversation about why your nearest support circle may not be your best one. Inspired by the forthcoming memoir After the Masquerade.Key takeaways getting an adult autism, ADHD, or AuDHD assessment* The Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) of mental health is in its fifth version! It’s changed a lot over the years as we learn more about the variation in representation based on the breadth of experiences. It is still very much written in a way that centers a young boy’s experience. Girls have different social expectations that shape the experience that someone has and how they adjust their behavior to survive.* Evaluate your evaluator - how do you know if you should trust this evaluator with something so deeply personal as sharing what you have tried so hard to keep hidden? You want to do what you can to find out if your evaluator is taking a nuanced and current on the research approach, or if they are applying a cookie cutter approach without thought put into the difference in diagnosing children, and adults, and how gender and race plays a role.* Ring theory was developed by Susie Silk and Barry Goldman and it describes a social framework for navigating crisis through organizing support in concentric circles that prioritizes support for those closest to the situation. Often cartoons depict this theory with the individual at the center, and then spouse, family, friends, community, etc. The problem with that is that sometimes when getting an assessment, you might be the first person in your network to do it. It might be that your next circle of “closeness” from whom you would normally seek support, doesn’t feel safe.* We have built our lives in a world that begins to know you one way for better or worse, and how they have interacted with you shapes the narrative they hold of themselves. When you confront that, there is likely to be some confusion or the worst rejection.* But it’s so important to remember that as much as you may still feel you have to learn about your own autistic experience. We are often sharing these things with people who only have you know a pop culture, understanding or who themselves may feel kind of uncovered by you.Resources and references* Clarifying Autism in the DSM-5: A guide for adults by Embrace Autism.* University of Oregon: The Autism History Project describes the evolution of the* Free open-access academic review of Sex and gender impacts on the behavioral presentation and recognition of autism* From The Autism Center, hosted on Sheppard Pratt Insights: The Autism Spectrum Gender Gap* If you are looking for an adult autism assessment Prosper Health is a US provider and is current in their research and methods with support services including assessment, psychotherapy, educational seminars, and an online community.* Great article on green light and red flags when evaluating a therapist foe neurodivergent-affirming care.Don’t Miss Out on Early AccessJoin our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources.Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen.Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it.The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Adult Autism AssessmentIt’s been a month of evaluation – multiple online intake forms – both multiple choice and long answer, as well as many phone calls and nagging conversations with my husband and father to fill in their portions of the assessment – also online forms both multiple choice and long answer.Then, there were the two 1.5 hour assessments with a psychologist. It was funny sitting there with the psychologist. I am very familiar and comfortable with research and researchers, but for the first time, I was the object of study.When I had read the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders, I was truly perplexed as to whether or not I was autistic. The DSM criteria are strangely specific and obtuse. By my rudimentary interpretation of the literal translation of the DSM criteria into assessing my world, I was surely not autistic.The psychologist performed her evaluation, sticking to the DSM criteria but asking clarifying questions to my answers. I never really knew if I was answering correctly for any one of the, what felt like, hundreds of questions I was asked.Then, today, she read me my evaluation. Autistic.The tears flooded my eyes. It was like coming up for air amidst the tire and terror of treading water, barely keeping my head above water and surviving in this world amidst severe depression and anxiety. Every cell in my body expanded with oxygen and I felt relief embrace my body.She started by explaining the organizational structure of the DSM and then reading evidence to support her evaluation of me within each criteria. As she read, she referenced common representations as they varied by identity in age and gender, but how when you account for that variation in lived experience, the patterns still hold.Society has normalized a depiction of autism spectrum disorder through movies and television that prioritizes one way of experiencing the differences in brain function that autism describes and the way that the world responds to those experiences. For example, as a woman, I have been conditioned to comply with and placate the people around me with niceties and humility. While leadership coaches and influencers advise speaking with confidence and removing unnecessary apologies and use of the word “just” to belittle my presumption for authority, I have found that this is not well received by people. Often I receive feedback that I should be “softer” or that I am “overly confident” or “arrogant.”This means that masking was taught to me as a means of likability and thus survivorship much earlier than it would have been if I was a boy. Similarly, as an adult I have learned what is accepted and I aim for it every minute of every day, judging myself and living the judgment of others when I fail. As a child, I was far less concerned with how others or myself perceived me. I just existed.It was through the psychologist’s study of these variations that she was able to interpret my responses in the context of the intent behind each criteria. She described each criteria and what it meant. Then she cited evidence from my, my husband, and my father’s testimony that supported how I qualified as meeting the criteria.As she read my evaluation, for the first time - I truly felt seen, not judged.This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription via substack at natashastavros.substack.com. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe