Following the Threads - Neurodivergent Stories, Adult Autism, and Learning to Unmask

Show NotesEpisode details* Season: 1* Episode number: 3* Release date: 2026-04-23* Hosts:* Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026)* Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse* Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith* Director: Linda Highfield* Duration: 00:29:18* Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study* Summary: In this episode of Following the Threads, Natasha Stavros and therapist Sarah Liebman explore how self-study prepares adults for autism assessment. Drawing from Natasha’s late diagnosis, they discuss recognizing patterns like sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation challenges, and masked behaviors. The conversation highlights shifting from self-judgment (“what’s wrong with me?”) to curiosity (“what’s different?”), using tools like journaling, social reflection, and online resources. They emphasize that self-awareness not only improves diagnostic clarity but also builds self-compassion—whether pursuing formal diagnosis or self-identifying as neurodivergent.Key takeaways to prepare for a late diagnosis autism assessment* Self-study is an important step that includes exploring relevance through social media, reflecting on past experiences (maybe even with a trusted person), reviewing online free resources from trusted sources, or working with a therapist.* Revisiting the transtheoretical model from Episode 2 on the transition to pre-contemplation to contemplation and how it serves to normalize neurodiversity and support vicarious reinforcement without social pressure or judgement.* Self study plants the seeds of the growing momentum to shift the perspective from “why am I bad” to “what’s different. What happens when I look at things from the vantage point of a diagnosis, without shame or judgement.Resources and referencesThe 5-stages of change and what they mean to you describes the transtheoretical model of change from non-thought to thought by Prochoska and DiClimente.Organization for Autism Research: Free Guidebooks for FamiliesProsperHealth.io specializes in holistic adult autism assessment and resources.Don’t Miss Out - Early Access to the BookJoin our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources.Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen.Thanks for reading A Jester’s Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it.The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Autism Speaks Through Self-Study (Part 2 of 3)I first started on the path of getting a diagnosis slowly. My friend kept mentioning how certain things that I did aligned with autism. I started creating a list. Now, I would never just make a list, it had to be systematic.I started with a simple google search, for which the AI reported that people with autism struggled with emotional regulation, repetitive behaviors, unique ability, social communication challenges, sensory sensitivity, learning differences, and special interests.My immediate reaction was to intellectualize how I may or may not fit into these categories. But, through time, my lists began to fill. I wrote down things as I organically discovered them. As my list of indicators grew, I wondered if I might actually qualify autistic.That’s when the researcher in me turned on. My friend sent me the diagnostic and statistical manual for mental disorders (DSM), for autism specifically. As I reviewed it, I felt even more confused. By the letter of what was written, I wasn’t sure if I qualified as autistic.After nearly three months, I decided to schedule an assessment. I felt very strongly that whether or not I was classified as autistic would be a coin toss. I was nervous about what the results might reveal – not because I feared a diagnosis, but I actually feared not getting a diagnosis. If I wasn’t autistic, what could explain all of the challenges I had disproportionately faced compared to my peers?The evaluation is very matter of fact- it is nothing like therapy. It is important to articulate the distinction between these two activities. In therapy, I feel like a collaboration between me and psychotherapist, in the evaluation, I felt like an object of study.Throughout the evaluation the psychologist interviewed me against the DSM. They listened to me recall stories of my childhood and present life, used questionnaires from me, my dad, and my husband to translate my experience into the rigid structure of the DSM. I will say that while deeply uncomfortable, I felt safe through this process.When my evaluation came back qualifying me as autistic, and they read the evidence supporting a designation within each criteria, I noticed that the metrics cited were aligned with how much time I had spent thinking about my experiences.When it came to repetitive behaviors and stimming, I didn’t qualify. I had never given much active thought to how much I controlled my body to meet expectations.Fast-forward nearly six weeks after diagnosis, I began to notice that maybe my original evaluation may not have been complete.My birthday is coming up, but we – my husband and I – couldn’t get a babysitter for that weekend. Instead, we decided to have a date night early. I chose to go to a musical at a local dinner theater. It wasn’t anything fancy, we live in middle America and it was a community theater, so tailor your expectations on skill level, but it was fun, entertaining, and it was just us.On the way to the event, we talked about my current processing of the diagnosis, what it means for me, my life, my job, and our family. I found myself getting pre-emptively defensive. He remained calm and engaged in the conversation.Upon getting to the event and being seated at our table, I began shaking my leg. Like a light bulb, I realized that I was stimming.I am deeply uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. I know that I need to do it, not just for my husband, but because it’s human nature to need connection. Knowing that, and actually engaging with emotional intimacy are two entirely different things.As I sat there becoming more conscious of the involuntary movement in my leg, I noticed a chill pass over me. I asked my husband for his jacket and immediately used it to cover myself. I knew that my desire to wear a down jacket twenty-four seven fit somewhere in the diagnostic criteria, but I hadn’t really ever tapped into the circumstances or my internal experience that resulted in me feeling comfort from the coat. I assumed it had to do with sensory stimulus, but I hadn’t identified it as protection from engaging with my emotions.It’s not that I don’t have emotions. Quite the opposite. My emotions are big and intense, and when I engage with them, bad things happen.This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe

Show NotesEpisode details* Episode number: 2* Release date: 2026-04-06* Hosts:* Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026)* Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiverse.* Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith* Director: Linda Highfield* Duration: 29:31 minutes* Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study* Summary: After Episode 1 focused on signs of adult autism misdiagnosis, Episode 2 of Following the Threads, Dr. Natasha Stavros and psychotherapist Sarah Liebman discuss the crucial first step in preparing for an adult autism evaluation: self-acceptance. Utilizing the transtheoretical model of change, they explore the transition from recognizing autistic traits to seeking a formal late diagnosis. Dr. Stavros shares her personal unmasking journey, highlighting how surrendering the pressure to meet neurotypical expectations is the foundation of neurodivergent self-advocacy.Key insights to prepare to get an adult autism evaluation:* The moment of change for Natasha was when she stopped fighting that she was inherently wrong as a change maker, and instead started asking what is wrong? In the survival guide for change makers, Burning Inside Out, Natasha struggled with the internal conflict of never belonging. Something explains these patterns, and the truth that she was fundamentally wrong, couldn’t be right. That’s when she could begin to ask what could explain her reality - her true intentions. Without that turning point from fighting the truth, to surrendering to a truth, not the idea that she was inherently bad, but a truth, was the moment she could entertain the idea that an assessment was not just worth doing, but even something to be considered.* There are many change models for different scales of change, for today we are focused on the ones that are within the self. The change from non-thought to thought.* There is victory in surrender, as Anaïs Nin said, “ and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud, is more painful than the risk to blossom”.Resources and referencesThe 5-stages of change and what they mean to you describes the transtheoretical model of change from non-thought to thought by Prochoska and DiClimente.The unthought known by Christopher BollasJoin the communityJoin our community of late-diagnosed adults learning to unmask. Subscribe to get the next episode of Following the Threads directly in your inbox. Upgrade to paid for early access to the book and other resources.Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen.Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it.The Unmasking Autism Diary: Memoir Excerpt on Preparing to Get an Autism Evaluation (Part 1 of 3)When I think about the moment that I crossed from realizing that I might be autistic, to actually getting an evaluation. I had an epiphany - it was the end of 2025, my book Burning Inside Out was literally coming to a close, I was writing the last chapter.Burning Inside Out is a survivor’s guide for change makers to create an impact in a world on fire. It is a narrative nonfiction following my nearly twenty year career as a young woman in the man’s world of fire science and tech at NASA. I ended the book with five futures in play. One of those futures - was a low-level, below the radar, role at a University as admin, surely that would save me from being the demonized change maker that seemed my eternal fate.Then I realized that that story was all about fighting to be seen, to be recognized, to be accepted, and to belong. Burning Inside Out presents the lessons of a fighter, a wild fire burning hot and fast destroying everything to a point of self extinction. I had consumed my own will and drive to stay true to myself, while complying with the expectations of who I should be, inherently existing as an outlier to the systems we have in place.This next book in the series of my life, it started not with fighting, but with finding victory in surrender. With victory in surrender, I accept my truth and open the door to an alternate reality. I am no longer fighting to be seen just as I am.Victory in surrender is the moment of self-acceptance, and the moment you embrace customization for how you live your life. Only then can you begin to understand your rights and protections, the services you need, and what exceptions you might ask for.And we will talk about all of those throughout this book, but for today, I want to focus on the first step: surrendering to the truth that you are different and our system didn’t center you in its design.That is the truth, and it is ok. We can change the system and there are groups working on this. We can also change how you navigate within the system if it doesn’t change. Both can be true. You are not in a destined fate.Self-advocacy starts with identifying with your reality, surrendering to it - and in this act, there is victory - a calm, a contagious peace that demonstrates the change you need from others and from the system, an acceptance of your needs, not because your are bad, wrong, or evil, but because you are different.This text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources, upgrade to a paid subscription. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe

Podcast Show NotesEpisode details* Episode number: 1* Release date: 2026-03-26* Hosts:* Natasha Stavros, PhD — author of The Unmasking Diary and Burning Inside Out (coming to a bookstore near you in December 2026)* Sarah Liebman — licensed marriage and family therapist, ADHD-diagnosed, special interests all things neurodiver* Audio Engineer and Composer: Noah Smith* Director: Linda Highfield* Duration: 31:41* Audience and tone: Educational, conversational, supportive; stigma-free exploration of neurodivergence, diagnosis, and self-understanding using personal experience as a case study* Summary: A candid conversation about when you know when to get an adult neurodivergence assessment. Natasha Stavros and Sarah Liebman share their journeys—from misdiagnoses and the myth of “careless” behavior to moments of clarity when a diagnosis illuminates truth, agency, and resilience. The episode explores how partial diagnoses can feel like locks that won’t open until the full picture comes into view, and it emphasizes the transformative power of understanding and accurate diagnosis for empowering change.Key signs when to get an adult autism assessment:* When the story you’ve been told about who you are doesn’t align with who you feel you are; “if you are carrying around a truly paradoxical story about your goodness and badness, then that’s a good indicator.” * Misdiagnosis often stems from cultural narratives about willpower, which can obscure true cognitive and emotional patterns. A full, integrated diagnosis (not just partial pieces) often brings a sense of freedom and practical clarity for navigating life.* Early and ongoing validation from professionals and trusted others can counteract lifelong feelings of being misunderstood.* When you need to break the barrier of loneliness, feeling that your struggles are yours, and yours alone.* Sharing lived experiences can help reduce stigma and encourage others to pursue accurate assessment and supportive care.Resources and referencesFor more information on this topic, Embrace Autism is an autistic-led, research-informed company that provides neurodiverse affirming educational resources.If you are looking for an adult autism assessment Prosper Health is a US provider and is current in their research and methods with support services including assessment, psychotherapy, educational seminars, and an online community.Call to actionSubscribe or follow for more episodes in this series on unmasking and neurodivergence.Leave a review and share your own diagnostic journey to help others feel seen.Thanks for reading A Jester's Musings! This post is public so feel free to share it.Memoir Excerpt: My Late Autism Diagnosis JourneyIn 39 years, I never once identified as different. I was conditioned to comply. I identified as outside, and that something was different for me than for others, but never once did I think that I was different. Instead, I believed that I was a problem.The therapists, and there were probably at least a dozen, I had seen for nearly twenty years diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, symptoms of agoraphobia, insomnia, obsessive compulsive tendencies, and complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD). I believed that it was those traumas that made me different. It had never occurred to me that maybe the reason those traumas happened in the first place, was because- my brain didn’t process things the same way as others, that I am autistic.Never did anyone question my understanding of social reciprocity, non-verbal communication, or the expectations of maintaining relationships. Instead, I was malignant, manipulative, abrasive, direct, rude, outspoken, and arrogant.Never did it occur to me that my hyper-organization or compulsive behaviors were really just coping skills to soothe the anxiety that stemmed from hyper-stimulation and sensitivity to sensory input.Not once did anyone question that my insatiable appetite to learn was a special interest in how the brain collected and processed information into knowledge and wisdom. When I excelled at school, sport, or really anything that captured my attention, no one thought to question why I was so driven by the routine and structure of practice, repetition, and focus to hone my craft.With success and accolades came waning mental health, a spiral into loneliness and despair. No one could stand to be around me day in and day out. Until my husband, no boyfriend lasted more than a year. Most friendships were short and sweet or they were so distant and sporadic that they didn’t take a daily toll. Friends that lasted weren’t without turbulence. Well, that’s not even really being honest. Turbulence would imply some rocky bits, when in fact- most of my friendships nose dived.In 2020 I left a job that had me questioning my value and worth on a quarterly basis for a job that fed that same insecurity while devouring my social capital. That job took away my entire research portfolio, everything I had worked for. It stripped me of the joy and passion that fueled me. To protect my family, I abandoned my research and took another job.Not long after, that job also questioned my judgement navigating social dynamics. This became the sole metric by which my work was judged - how well my colleagues liked and trusted me. It didn’t matter that my work was thorough, that my productivity surpassed my peers, or that I solved complex problems with solutions that took others months to realize was the right path forward. My peers thought I was inconsistent, my emotions dysregulated, and my social behaviors strange.Tirelessly, I questioned, what could have gone wrong? I tried to do it differently this time. I tried to do everything that was expected, and yet - I still could not meet social expectations. I had taken classes and read books - despite my ability to learn just about anything, I couldn’t seem to do this - at least not well enough to stop the train wreck from happening again.I applied for another job. I got this job. I thought, “l’ll do it differently this time.” I convinced myself that if I was open and transparent about what was hard for me or that my impact on people often didn’t align with my intention, that maybe - just maybe, it would be different.Three months into the job, there was an incident, and I knew - in my core, the fear erupted through my being. I broke down. All my past experiences pulsed through me, running through my mind on repeat.I convinced myself I could pretend it was fine, and that eventually it would normalize. It didn’t.That’s when my friend had mentioned that I might be autistic.That’s when I knew - I needed an assessment.The above text is a snippet from my next book: After the Masquerade. For early access to the book and other resources. Get full access to A Jester's Musings at natashastavros.substack.com/subscribe