Ep 5: Jaws

My name's Renee, and I'm good at plenty of things. For example, I'm good at making everything about me! But I'm terrible at movies. Like, really bad. That's why my friends have challenged me to watch their favorite movies so I can build up my repertoire and stop looking like an idiot. Sometimes I like the movie, and sometimes I don't. But either way, my friend and I are going to talk about it.

So today I have my friend Julie Schmierbeck on the show. She is an improviser as well, and she is supremely funny. I'm so excited to have her on the show. And today we are going to talk about the movie Jaws. It's the 40th anniversary of the movie, so it seemed very fitting for Julie and I to be able to talk about it. So now I'm going to go ahead and do Blind Judgment. That's where I just come up with a plot of a movie based on the title alone.

So I've never seen Jaws, but I'm guessing from the title that Jaws is about a dentist. And he is working his ass off, but all he really normally gets are, like, people with cavities. And, you know, it's just, like, root canals and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he has this one patient come in who's just, like, really, really struggling. Can't even open his mouth because his jaw is just so fucked up.

You know, and so the dentist is like, what do I even do? This is like a medical marvel. I don't even know how to deal with this right now. I've never had a problem like this. And then it's just this really, really gruesome, disgusting surgery for like 45 minutes. It's just like blood and like chipping and like teeth and bone flying everywhere. But then by the end of the movie, this guy is able to smile at his dentist and be like, hey, thanks, doc. I've got a lot to say and now I can finally say it. Thanks for fixing my jaws.

Yeah, that's probably what it's about, right? So let's see. We're going to watch a movie and then we'll talk about it. Goodbye. And now, Jaws in under 60 seconds. We really need to get everybody off the beach, and we need to close the beach. I'm not going to do that now. It's the 4th of July weekend, and we've got people coming in. You find a way to the oldest shark. Hopefully everything will be fine. We really should close this beach. Chief Brody, I was told that you knew someone was killed here, and then my son died, and you're a horrible person. Yeah, that's me. Don't hit me in the face. I'm the old sailor man, and I'll catch a fish.

I'm from the oceanography place. Let's all go on a boat together. I'm Mrs. Brody. Wait. Let's get drunken. Oh! Ow! Tell me the way to go. I'm tired of water. Let out a barrel! Let out a barrel! Chomp! Two barrels! Chomp! Three barrels! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Boom. Take that, you son of a bitch. The end.

So here we are. My special guest is Julie. How are you? I'm doing quite well. How are you, Renee? I'm good. So this was the first time that I have watched a movie with my guest, which was really fun. It was fun. Yeah, and we actually got to watch it with Pete as well, who's going to be serving as a co-host today. Hello, Pete. Hello, ladies.

Okay, you can be quiet now, Pete. Thank you. That, ladies. You put that on the end of anything, it sounds creepy. Just kidding, Pete. Pass the mayonnaise, ladies. Ew. It works. So, okay, it was really great that we got to watch Jaws because this is around the 40th anniversary of it.

That's right. Of its debut. So, yeah, I had never seen it before because my parents thought it would be too scary for me. And I think they were correct around the time that, you know, I watched it. I think that's hysterical because that was the first movie I ever remember seeing when I was little. My dad was like, no, it's going to be great. And so, like, it has a lot of nostalgic value to me. So that's kind of really funny, I think, and very ironic in a lot of ways. Were you scared, though, whenever you saw it as a kid? Well, you know what? Here's the thing. Like, I knew that it was scary. I knew, like, obviously, like, you're supposed to be rooting for.

Brody and the guys but I was such an avid animal lover as a child I was like no like the shark's gonna win at the end because it's clearly a bigger machine that can kill everything so I always rooted for the shark growing up and I mean even as an adult now I'm like he's just trying to defend his territory he's just trying to eat and survive right he doesn't understand no he's not like they make it out to be they make Bruce which is the name of that Spielberg gave the shark they make him out to be such a villain which like also there's such a social commentary about that like we can talk about that later but Yeah, they make it out to be such a villain when it's like it's just trying to survive. Right. It's like they I think they even made a comment during the movie or at least I've heard this like from articles and stuff about shark attacks that it's like they're not attacking you because you're a human. They're mistaking you for like a seal or some kind of animal that they would, you know, prey on in the ocean. And they're just confused or too stupid. Yeah, pretty much. Well, because like especially if you're on a surfboard or something like they can only see the shape under the water. So they don't know what it is. I mean, they can't like look at it and be like, oh, no, that's not what I eat. The only way they can know is by taking a huge, you know.

chunk out of it. And I'm like, oh, this isn't really what I eat, but I've already started, so I guess I should just keep going. I'm not a quitter, so I'm going to continue to eat this. I can't look like a wuss in front of the sea and ocean. So what you're saying is shark attacks are manslaughter, not murder? You know, if you put it in terms of that, I would say that's... I think those sharks are still responsible for their actions then. Well, you know, if we ate people to survive, I don't know that we would be quite as punished. Maybe if we just instituted an ocean jail.

That's a good idea. You think we could do that? I think we already have with all of our garbage. SeaWorld. SeaWorld. Marineland. Oh, that's the worst. Marineland is sea jail. Speaking of, well, since that kind of ties in because we're talking about SeaWorld, Julie was telling me about all the fantastic sequels to this movie. Well, for a long time, I mean, I liked Jaws 2, but Jaws 3 really stuck with me. And I actually just rewatched it very recently because my roommate got it for me as a gift, like a $5 DVD bin. Because the graphics are terrible, but essentially it takes place in SeaWorld. And the shark.

First, it's the baby shark gets into the park, and so the mama shark comes looking after it, and it's essentially, you know, people die, and they have to get rid of the sharks somehow, and the dolphins end up being the heroes of the entire film. How do they lose track of the shark in SeaWorld? Isn't SeaWorld just, like, a set of separate water tanks? Like, how is it traveling through the park? Just gets out and walks around? The way they made it appear in the movie is that, like, there was a big part, like, there was just, like, a big fence that went, that cut off part of the sea, like, whatever was on, like, in the inland. So there's, like, the park part of the ocean, and then, like, you could go...

outside the park and then it's the rest of the ocean. Yeah, that's what, we were talking about it with Michael Delaney, our friend and my first podcast guest. He was talking about how it's basically just like a rickety gate underwater and that's how the shark got in, which I don't think that's realistic for SeaWorld at all. I think they have to like fly the animals in and like place them in. I just think if they have a situation over there where they can't keep track of what fish are in their grounds, there's probably a need for some restructuring. Yeah. I think they probably, you know, if this had been a real location, they would have figured that out after several deaths had happened due to, you know.

vicious creatures that have made it into the park. We are talking about SeaWorld, though, which is just the worst anyway. That's true. I wouldn't put it past them to just be like, oh, there's a shark in here and it's killing people. Oh, let's let the dolphins figure this out. Though they are very smart mammals, I've heard. Yeah. I've never been around a dolphin. Do you think...

attendance at SeaWorld dipped as much after Jaws 3 like when Blackfish came out? Probably not. Probably not. I'll tell you like I mean Pete and I are going to Gulf Shores Alabama in a couple weeks to go to the beach with my family and I'm a little scared to get in the water now after watching Jaws and because the I think it was in South Carolina they just had some like shark attacks there on their beaches. Renee only drunkenly swims naked at night so she's worried she's going to get eaten by a shark. That's true. Well then you know Pete's just going to fall asleep on the beach. I'll wake up and be like I don't know who she was. She was here and then I woke up. You know it's interesting too.

is a week from today, Shark Week starts. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. So timing is perfect. Well, that's part of the thing is like when this movie came out in the 70s, there was a huge period of time where people were hunting sharks out of fear because they thought like all the beaches were unsafe and that this was potentially a real threat, which like then there was a whole backlash from the marine biologists of the country, I guess, or like who were like, no, like shark attacks aren't actually that frequent. And usually if they are attacking, it's not because they're aggressive animals. It's just because they're hungry and they don't know what you are. So they don't know. Like it's never, there are aggressive sharks out there, but for the most part, like a great white, for instance.

is not going to hunt you down and like remember like oh these are the people like this is the guy and like you know try to rip the back of your your boat off because it finds you as a threat right you know usually there's this i remember watching on like like conan o'brien a long time ago that there's this like shark guy who's like really just like embellished hippie who had fought sharks literally with his bare hands he said like if you come across shark if you just come up at it like you're the predator and you like punch it in the face or poke it in the eye it will back off which like i've never tested that theory you've never had to thank god right um but i guess from what i've read because i also have like a very interest in sharks in general, it would work. Potentially. Probably not every time, but I think there's a good chance if you have nothing else to do, do that. Yeah, if you just have your hands. I would say punching would probably scare it. I also heard something weird. I don't know if this is true or not, but I feel like somebody said, oh, you just flip them over on their belly.

And they're so, like, disarmed or, you know, they're just so caught off guard that they'll, like, be all confused. A shark? The sharks are, like, you know, tons of pounds. Yeah, it doesn't make any stuff. You just flip over a shark like it's a turtle. It's not like the gummy shark, you know, where you can just be like, oh, let me just toss it in the air. Disarmed. I feel like with a lot of animals, though, they don't.

they don't know what humans can do, right? So if you just stay on your ground, it'll freak out. I mean, if it's a big enough animal, it'll kill you, but I don't know. I mean, that's the same tactic you're supposed to do with, like, you are caught face-to-face with, like, a bear of some sort. You're supposed to, like, make a lot of noise and, like, show that you're stronger or bigger or, you know, scarier. This is why I prefer to stay indoors, guys. There are predators out there everywhere. There could be a bear right down the street whenever I'm trying to walk to the supermarket. No, there couldn't. If I take a bath, there could be a shark in it.

We just watched a YouTube video that was like a walkthrough of the Jaws ride. Oh, yeah. I've gone on that. It's gone. Well, it's gone now. It's replaced by Harry Potter. Yeah, this is actually pretty funny. We were talking last night. I mentioned that we were going to be recording this episode, and I was at a party, and everybody started talking about Jaws. But this one guy was saying that the people who basically switched over all of the Jaws ride into the wizarding world of Harry Potter, the engineers who built it, left in some little nuggets about Jaws in the wizarding world. Like, one of the things is that...

Like, apparently, when you go into the whole world, you can buy a wand and, like, go and use the wand at different activities. And, like, the things in the park will react to it. And one of the things is they have all the shrunken heads in a line. And if you go up and wave your wand, they'll sing the song from Jaws that they're all singing on the boat. Whatchamacallit? I wish I had known that. Because I went to Universal and I went on the Jaws ride a long time ago. And then I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. And I did, in fact, buy a wand because I'm a geek.

And I would have totally – that would have been, like, such a priority had I known about that. But I did not. So now I will have to go back someday. You mentioned some other stuff. I'm sure we could probably look it up. But it just seems – I just love that people, you know, just for their own benefit, it's almost like a secret thing where they can just, like, slip something in very, like, you know, under the cover of just, like –

We still don't want to forget that Jaws happened here, so let's see in what possible way we can make it work in this fictional world. I just thought it was cute. I feel like there's plenty of money where they could bring something back and make it just as good. I've heard rumors of that as well, that they're trying to somehow bring that ride back or make space for it. It was such a popular attraction. When I went there, I waited in line for 45 minutes to get on that ride. I was terrified of it. You obviously have actors who are like, oh no, this never happens. This boat has sunk. And then you go by it.

And it explodes into fire. They're like, we got to get out of here. The girl that was the tour guide on the ride was such a bad actor. Her reactions were so weird to a shark being here. She was still very chipper. Oh my gosh, oh no, a shark is here. Oh boy, I better call base. Oh, someone's eaten. Just scary enough to scare kids, but everyone else is like, this is a very unnatural reaction. Exactly. You're not cursing at all. I was like 12, and I sat on the edge of the boat, on the inside. So I was like, the shark.

The animatronic shark that was there was, like, literally right next to me. And I was like, because, like, I believed everything, obviously, because I was like, my imagination is insane. But, like, I was terrified. Yeah, it's not that far off either, because it's in Florida. It's like, there could really be a shark in the water. I know it's, like, within a park, but still. And even though he was like, oh, my goodness, this boat, like, this has never happened before. Like, I remember it being, like, such a, like, this is not a drill sort of situation. And I remember being like, what if it's not? Like, what if this is real? Like, in my brain. That right there was much better acting than she did. That one line, like, this has never happened before. There was no, like...

Yeah, you're right. She never stopped being chipper. So it was supposed to be the moment of like, oh, the ride's kind of going off the rails here. She didn't change it. Yeah, she didn't stop being excited the whole time. I want to do that. It'd be really fun. I just want to say something. Dan, hey Dan. Sorry. There's a whole series of videos on YouTube that I just went down.

It's a script you have to follow for the Jaws ride. And there are a series of YouTube videos of people breaking the script and improvising. And it's hilarious because they'll go completely off. Once you know the script, it's really funny to see where they go and how they do it. Some people got really scared because it's just ridiculous. You just got to match the timing of when the mechanical things happen. You have to shoot the gun and everything or whatever. What if he never picked up the gun and just pretended he was magical and did that? And then the splash happens. I just had to mention that because it's hilarious. Thank you, Dan. Yeah, we are. Totally. I'm definitely going to look that up. Sounds right up by Ali.

How long do you think we're going to have to wait for them to make, well, I don't want it to happen at all, but for them to remake Jaws and just suck out all of the human moments in that movie? My favorite scene in that movie. I remember you saying it out loud. Yeah, it's when Brody comes home after he gets slapped in the face. And it's just like not just not having it. And his youngest son, Michael, is just imitating all of his different poses. And then he just goops off with him like this. They remake Jaws. They're not going to include the scene. And I think one of the one of the really cool parts about it is that I read, you know, the mechanical shark that they had made for the movie just wasn't really up to par. And that's why they just didn't show it that much. And in not showing it, I even looked it up. It said they didn't actually show the full shark until like over an hour into the movie. But it creates that suspense. That's just like you don't even need to see the shark that much to be terrified of it. And I know that if they remade it, it would just be all about.

about the graphics of, like, being able to show this fantastic shark that they've just done through, like, CGI. Kind of like with Jurassic Park, what they just did. But, like, yeah, it would take away all that, like, tenseness that you have of not being able to see the shark and being like, I know it's there, though. Oh, my God. I think, like, because you're left to your own mind to imagine how big and how crazy this shark looks. And, like, I mean, that was one thing I really, even seeing the shark, like, maybe it wasn't up to par. But it still looked like a really scary thing. And so, like, and I feel like any sort of CGI that they would put into a new, like, it's just not going to, like, that was part of, like, the novelty of Jaws, I feel. It's just that, like, there weren't.

I mean, there were special effects, obviously, but, like, it was a mechanic shark. And so, like, you didn't have to worry about, like, all of the digitalizing of it because it just looked – I thought – I remember growing up and even watching it when we watched it. I was like, that still looks real to me. Yeah. You have to scare people differently now, though, because, like, just showing a shark isn't going to excite anybody. It's funny. Spielberg was a part of Jurassic World, right? Was he the producer of it? Yeah, he was. Okay. So, like, there's one scene in Jurassic World where it's all – some of it, I guess, was still animatronic, a couple scenes, but –

even though it was computer generated, there still was some really scary scenes. There's one where they're in those gyrosphere balls and they go off the track and the big angry dinosaur just grabs it and slowly tilts it so that the kids are facing him. And that was super scary. It's still possible to scare people. It takes a lot more. You have to be clever. You have to show people things that they haven't seen before. Have you seen Deep Lucy? No. I've seen it. It's a shark movie where I always thought that Jurassic World, the remake, was a mix of...

Jurassic Park and Deep Blue Sea where it's like, oh, we've made the animals smarter. And Deep Blue Sea also had, like, a rickety fence in the ocean. Yeah, that's why it sounds so familiar. Where the shark could get out of it, so that's why they had to, like, try and kill the sharks before they could get out into the world. But, like, they had these, like, even though these sharks were, like, clearly sharks and, like, there were scary parts of the movie, I guess, they still look, like, I always think, like, Jaws looked still better than the, because they just look CGI. They don't look like you could touch them. Right. You know? I would much rather see okay, like, animatronics and stuff in a movie than...

any computer animated stuff. The old horror movies like The Thing or the John Carpenter movies, it's so much more exciting to see something that... The acting is different too when they're not just looking at a green screen or a ball on a stick and there's actually a thing that they have to look at and interact with. It's different. That's why when the shark comes on the boat in Jaws, it's great because that guy has to actually put his feet on a fake shark to do the scene. That could potentially harm him because it's mechanic. You totally believe him that he's going through fear and pain and I'm dying because you're acting with...

A thing. Even though, I mean, you're acting against something rather than, like you said, like a ball on a stick against a green screen. Right. And just being like, ah, a stick. They put him in the mouth of a mechanical shark that's moving him left and right. It's not as hard to act when you're in danger. Long story short, let's put actors in dangerous situations again. Let's not give them prop knives and guns anymore. Let's give them the real stuff. Like the gladiators. Let's see some blood. Oh, boy. I think my favorite...

of the movie is whenever there's like a shark in the water and what's, we were just talking about this. Chief Brody? Yeah, it was Chief Brody's older son. It was Michael and Sean. I looked this up. Sean, okay, Sean, that's who it was. So Sean was in a sailboat with his friends, right? No, this was another part of the movie. No, they were like out on the dock. They were out on the dock when the sailboat was docked and both of the little boys are in the dock sailboat and Chief Brody goes out there and goes, what are you guys doing? Michael just goes, hi dad! And he's like, get back in here! And then I just kept wanting to say, hi dad, the rest of the movie. That happens three times though. Twice, I think, twice with Michael, but once with...

Like, his deputy. Uh-huh. Because Chief Brody is in the little shack. Oh, yeah, and he's, like, waving through the window. Yeah, when he meets, um... Oh, my God. What's his face? Richard Dreyfuss. Richard Dreyfuss's character. He taps on the window to, like, tell the deputy something, and he just turns and goes, hi. Hi. Everyone just waves a goofball at him. They're not used to this kind of excitement. They're just used to smiling and waving. It's July 4th. Hi. Hi. And the funny... I've seen this movie so many times, I've never watched it with closed captioning on. Uh-huh. So, like, I feel like there's so many things I've never caught before. Yeah. Like, when Quinn's singing about, like...

Spanish women like three separate times and about like yeah I was like oh there's some adult themes in this that I didn't catch earlier well we watch we watch everything with closed captions I know that's something that Renee does and some of my parents do so now it's weird to watch it without it I used to hate it because you like you can't help but read it if it's there and so you don't watch the visual sometimes but there's so many lines that I missed from things that I've seen a hundred times when you watch it with Close caption. Yeah. I love it now. Yeah. Well, for me, it's like I can't watch it without it because I just feel like I can't hear it. Yeah. Well, even like there's that scene where it's in like the conference room and they're talking about like, are we going to close the beaches or what's going on? Yeah. You see all the little side conversations that you always miss. And even there's that like woman who has this like dark hair and she's made up and she's like probably on the council of some sort and she's like so concerned. And I just like watch her. Her conversation was so frivolous, but just being able to know what she was talking about is like it changed who she was in the movie, even though she was nobody still. But it was just like interesting to see different perspectives of what was going on. It kind of rounded out Amity, I guess. Yeah. I liked that.

I like that whole council scene. I just like the fact that it was from a business side, so you could kind of see the other side of the perspective of, like, no, we can't close down the beach. This is our most popular time of year. This is how our town makes its money. And there was a real fight to just make sure that they kept everything normal and didn't show that anything was wrong because the town would really suffer from it. And then, you know, that was an added element into it that I enjoyed. I hadn't seen the movie in a long time when we watched it, and I realized that on Bob's Burgers, the guy that owns the wharf and his brother, Mr. Fish Odor, is definitely just, like...

over-the-top version of the mayor from Jaws. Yeah, Mayor Larry Vaughn. I don't know, Bob. We've got to look out for money, you know? He always has his decisions based on keeping consumers in town, and he's dressed the same way, too. Okay, what I was going to say, I think I may have mentioned this to you guys already, but there's this podcast I listen to called Who Charted, and it's a woman named Kulap Valaisak and a man named Howard Kramer, and Howard Kramer is obsessed with...

swimming obsessed with the ocean obsessed with summer and he also is a musician and he writes like summer albums summer he calls it with an a h at the end but he has a song that's called mayor larry vaughn is the hero of jaws because he didn't want to shut down the beach and he wanted to continue the party going and that was what the whole song was about i want us to like maybe put that into this episode so that you guys can hear it too uh but yeah i mean it's just funny to see it from that perspective too jaws is one of his favorite movies so you know as a listener of that podcast i'd hear him talk about it and i was like i kind of wish i understood what the fuck he was talking about and now i do i'm in on it guys cool is if they remade a movie but added a shock to it no no no like if they just took Jaws and they remade the movie but from a different character's perspective and there was only like three or four overlap scenes and they just do it word for word but with new actors playing those characters like if the whole movie was just from the mayor's perspective I don't know if it would be good but I feel like they haven't done anything like that either remake a movie and just make it shittier and shinier

Or they do a sequel, but I've never seen them just re-release a movie from a different character's perspective. Yeah, they did. They had like an indie film. I don't know if this is what you were going to mention. It's like an indie film that they have three versions of the same movie and they're all full-length movies. And one is called like her, one is called him, and the other is called like us or them. And so it's from the woman's perspective and it's all the same things that are happening. It's like a couple who is going through a breakup or something like that. And it has from her perspective, from his perspective, and then like a collective perspective. Yeah. So, I mean, that would be...

I don't think it's mainstream or anything. I don't even know if those are the correct titles for it. But yeah, when I saw that, I was like, yes, they should do this more often. It's a great idea. It's kind of like what you're talking about. Yeah, that's a cool idea. I was just going to add on to that, though it's slightly different. It's like in Jaws 3, because the main characters of that movie are the sons from the first one. So they're still the Brodies, Michael and Sean. And Sean has come to visit Michael, who works at Marineland or SeaWorld or whatever. But there's this whole plot line that they're terrified of the water.

And so, like, they have to battle that the entire time, like, because then Sean falls in love with a girl that, like... Is a mermaid. Well, she's, like, one of those, like, jet skiers that, like, is a pyramid and things. And then he is, like, I don't know, like, head engineer or something of the park, Michael, the older guy. But they both have to, like... And he's in love with the dolphin trainer. So, like, they have to overcome their fear of water in that one. But it's just kind of, like, how, you know, Jaws 1 affected them, like, plays out later in the series. Yeah, that's true. I think Jaws 1... Like, if you were to watch a sequel, Jaws 2 is, like...

comparable I guess but like Jaws 3 is just it's one of those movies that's like it's so poorly made that it's just amazing to watch and you can just laugh just because the graphics are literally like it looks like you put a sticker on the ocean and that is the shark yeah Well, yeah, Chief Brody was scared of water in the first movie. They didn't say he was scared, but he just never went into water. It's okay for him to be afraid of water, but they work at SeaWorld. Yeah, that's true. He's a cop. He doesn't have to often go on boats. Yeah, that's right. Anytime they'd take the ferry, he'd stay in the car. But yeah, to choose to work at SeaWorld or marine land when you're scared of water, that's an odd choice. You're right. I had a question for you, actually, Renee. Okay. So obviously you know that Jaws is a classic and well-loved by many. I was just wondering, now that you've seen it, what do you think? Because on a basic level, it's like a movie about a shark.

that terrorizes a small town. What do you think about it has made it so special and lasting over the years? Ooh, that's a good question. Oh, man. I'd say probably...

I think just the suspense is still so real to people and the fact that it had such an impact whenever it first came out. I think, you know, there's like we're kind of what would you even say? Like we'd be that second generation. So our parents probably watched it at a very vulnerable age and it affected them a lot. And so now they passed it on to us. My parents did not, but your parents did. You know, it's like I think it's just one of those things that it affected them so much that they want you to also be like, watch this movie. It scared me. Let's see if it scares you.

And for me, it definitely did. But I think the themes are still there. I mean, you know, sharks are still around. It's not like any movies about outdated technology and those just go out of style. It's like this is still a thing that you could be genuinely scared of is like a giant shark threatening your waters. Yeah, it's true. It's like.

That movie, if you watch Jaws versus a science fiction movie that came out that same year, you get taken out of the reality all the time whenever they show beep-boop computers. With Jaws, there's nothing in it besides really the shark that looks completely outdated so you can still get sucked into their world. I was trying to think about that, knowing that we were going to be doing this conversation. For me, I loved it because of what it meant to me when I watched it with my dad. I just love sharks. Jaws gives a lot to that, strangely, even though it's...

you know, they make the shark out to be the bad guy. But I was just kind of curious to hear from somebody or see what your perspective was having just seen it for the first time. Because, like, I don't know, there's something really special about that movie. Yeah. And even when we watch it, like, you didn't take notes because you're just so, like, into it. And it's, like, it's a well- I mean, it's Spielberg, so, like, it's obviously reputable. But, like, it's, I mean, it's a movie about an animal that terrorizes a town, you know, on the 4th of July. So it's not, like, you know, Casablanca where it's, like, amazing romantic notions or, like, you know, Schindler's List. You know, it's a very different thing. But, yeah, it could totally stand.

amongst you know a whole group of movies that are totally different in a room of like what we would call classic film yeah yeah it's definitely I wonder if it just has to do with I'm thinking of other Spielberg movies now and how I would still watch them like um I don't know like E.T. is still very like that's something that I'll always hold dear to my heart and I don't know that my kids would be into E.T. they probably think it was really weird you know You're frowning. I think they would like it. Kids still like E.T. Yeah, but, you know, I don't know if it has something to do with Spielberg and the way he makes movies and makes them. I mean, yeah, one of your favorite parts, Pete, of the movie was like just a very real family moment of like a child looking at their dad and just wanting to copy everything they did. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the movie. It's just something that Spielberg kind of like put in there because he thought, you know, like it's a very real moment that you would have. And that's one of the things that when you watch the movie.

I don't know, it's something that doesn't have anything to do with the plot, but it still makes it good. Yeah, I mean, I guess when you say that, like, about that, too, I remember early on in the film, like, after, I think it was, like, Chief Brody's first day, like, when they found the first body of, you know, and he goes home, and, like, his wife is like, here's your drink, and, like, he just sits down on the floor, and she's just, like, rubbing his shoulders and stuff, and it's, like, this is a very tender moment between, like, what is, like, a happy couple, I guess, or, like, you know, a healthy family. What's that? Most horror movies don't bother to put anything like that. Jaws is not just about hunting a shark. We actually see repercussions for a small town police officer's actions and things like that. There's stakes. We actually care if these people die rather than just being...

Mortal Kombat. I'd say like even horror movies now, it's always about like a broken family. It's always about a family who's like just gone through something traumatic or like is having marital problems or like something with one of their kids. It's always like they already have a problem and then this thing affects them and ends up bringing them closer together or whatever makes like one of the characters a lot stronger. And this was just about like an already very wholesome family who just kind of has to deal with this thing that's brought on or, you know, the husband has to deal with this thing that he would have never expected to happen. And even that scene with the woman who lost her kid, I mean, I guess posing.

a child death in a film and then seeing the repercussions of that and how that affects the whole town. Because, like, that scene where she's just talking to him and he's, like, totally not to blame for what happened, but at the same time he just takes it because he has sons to lose. He can't even imagine what that's like. I mean, that scene always stuck with me because I was, like, and watching it now, like, when you're, you know, in your late 20s and you're like, what's the rest of my life going to be like? Am I going to have family? And you think about, like, well, that was my kid. And it just, like, you feel, like, slightly like, oh, God, how awful that must be. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How helpless you'd be that this, like, creature just came and took your son. There's nothing that anybody can do about it or they're just, you know.

Not giving you that help or that vengeance that you need. And the whole idea that it was, like, totally preventable if they had just shut the beach down. Right, exactly, yeah. Ugh. That's terrible. He does a good job of setting up where, like...

I forget, at the end of this movie, a shark explodes. But he sets up this whole long story and all the reasons where you're like, that really needed to happen to that shark. Where it's not just over-the-top gory. You're like, thank God he exploded. Wow. Well, then even the banter between Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Scheider at the end when they're paddling back on whatever's left of that boat. And it's just like, Quint didn't make it. So that's sad. But hey, we can go home now. And this is over. And there's even a lightness about that whole... There's maybe three lines of dialogue. And then it just closes out in the...

It's just a very nice ending. Yeah. I like that that's where they left it instead of showing, like, everybody celebrating, like, the shark is dead and everybody just, like, you know, making a big hoopla out of it. I was like, yeah, no, it's just about these two guys who just survived this terrible, like, crazy thing that's happened to them. And that's all that really matters. It's about people. Yeah. That's why it works is because it's not really a movie about a shark. It's about people. I think that's why his movies work most of the time because no matter what.

It's about – it ends up being about people. Like, E.T. is not really about an alien. It's about the kid, you know? It's, like, things happening to these real people. Right. That's a very good point. Now, Julie, did you read the book version of Jaws? I can't say that I did, mostly because I didn't realize it was a book until, like, way later. And, like, I've always wanted to go back and read it because he also wrote a book called The Beast, which is a very similar idea. I think it's Peter Benchley, where it's a, like, colossal squid takes over a, like, harbor town. So it's similar. And they did, like, a two – like, one of those miniseries where it was, like –

three hours each, like a two-parter. And the guy who stars in it was the original guy from CSI. I can't remember his name. What is The Beast 3 about? I don't know that there's a sequel to it yet. But I remember, like, I loved it. And I watched it, like, three times. And it, like, aired on SyFy. Or no, you know, it might have been, like, on ABC, like, one of those weird things. And that was also based on a book. So I don't know what it is with Peter Benchley and, like...

predators in the ocean. He's just good at it. That's his thing and he's sticking to it. Maybe he's just a pirate. I mean, at the end they lit the squid on fire with gasoline after it attacked this huge boat. I love it. It's basically like he just went through on his Microsoft Word doc and did find replace and instead of Char just put squid. That's a fun game. I had heard from one of my friends who had read the book that in particular Chief Brody's wife was like a real horndog in the book. There was a whole chapter about her fantasizing about getting

finger banged by, what's his face, oceanographer, Richard Dreyfuss' character, being finger banged by him in a car. Was that like a fantasy or did that actually happen? No, it was a fantasy, but they included it in the book. Like she was fantasizing about it. But she keeps going with the fantasy and they get in a car crash because it's happening while she's driving. And then she has a panic attack that her husband's going to come because it's a car crash and he's the police officer and that he's going to find out about it. It's just such a weird fucking thing to include in that book, like in that story. What does that add to, I guess? That'll be in the remake movie. Probably. Bigger shark, more finger bang. There really isn't like any sort of sexual theme. No.

It's very, like, family-friendly. Isn't it, like, PG? Like, even though there's a lot of violence in it? Maybe it's PG-13. It might be PG-13 just because of the violence. They may say fuck in it. There was some TNA in the beginning. Oh, that's right. You're right, yeah. But still, still, I mean, you watched it as a kid and it wasn't, like, offensive to you. No, I mean, I don't, I can't say with confidence, but I feel pretty sure that it didn't traumatize me or leave emotional scars. Except that you love sharks, but that's not a bad thing. No, I mean, well, I also love, like, I have this joy of, like, movies in general about animals that kill people.

I don't know what, I mean, it might just stem from Jaws, like, as, like, a gateway. Yeah. But, like, Anaconda I love, even though that is not a great film. No. No, I can say that, but I just, I enjoy watching it. And even, you know, Deep Blue Sea is not one of my favorites, but it's the same idea. And Jaws and The Beast and, like, you know. What about The Birds? I've never seen The Birds. I would love to, though. I haven't, I don't think I've seen any Hitchcock films, but that's, like, totally off topic. Wow. I know.

We'll get there. I'm not too far from you, Renee. I just saw The Godfather for the first time like three months ago. Hello. There you go. I get it. You've got to watch The Birds and then I'll lend you my DVD because they have the storyboards for the alternate ending that didn't make it. That's cool, Pete. I'll just say that it's way more depressing than what actually happens in the movie. There's like a bird apocalypse. Oh, shit. That they don't include. Oh, speaking of Hitchcock, this actually has to do with Jaws too because whenever I went to Universal Studios with my family, like the only time we went, I was too scared to go on the Jaws ride. I didn't really understand. My mom was like, oh, I think like a shark pops up at one point. I was like, I'm out. I'm out. And so then.

For some reason, like, some of my family went and did that. But then I got convinced later on in the day to go to a special exhibit that was all about Alfred Hitchcock. And that scared the shit out of me. Like, they talked about Psycho and, you know, they're even showing, like, the murder scene. And I forgot. I was probably, like, 10 years old. I went to that same thing. That was around the same time. I remember they had that, like, Hitchcock, like, museum or walkthrough. Yeah, that's what it was. And I went to the same thing. And they showed, like, the Vertigo thing. Right. And the Hitchcock, like, the Psycho, like, shower stall and everything.

So scary. And then that night, I was, like, in bed. We're all in our hotel room. And I was still thinking so hard about the Hitchcock thing that I threw up. Like, that's the only time in my life I've had, like, a stress barf. Like, I honestly was that freaked out. So I can't even imagine what would have happened if I would have done Jaws and then done the Alfred Hitchcock thing. I would have been, like, out. Out of commission. Like, getting scared affects my body to its core.

And I'm glad I waited to watch Jaws until I was an adult that I couldn't barf if I got scared of it. I didn't barf later. Do you get scared easily of horror films in general? Yeah, I don't watch horror movies. And I mean, I know I'm going to have to for this podcast. In October, I'm going to have on a couple of guests to talk about scary movies. And those will be crazy because I'm sure they just affect me no matter how ridiculous they are. After I watch them, I'm scared of that thing coming to get me. It's so irrational, but I can't help it. No, I suffer from the same thing. I don't know.

Like, with animals, I don't know. It's weird, but I think there's, like, a comfort in knowing that, like, because people are so terrible to each other. Whether it be war or violence or whatever. And I think it's just, like, a comfort knowing that, like, there's still something greater out there that, like, can, I guess Mother Nature still rules. It's, like, a still thing that, like, comforts me in a weird way. I don't know. But, like, if it's a horror film where it's just people killing people. Yeah. Or, like, especially if it's, like.

loosely based on a real story it fucks with my brain so much and I'm just like this was real this could happen how could a human turn this bad why is she walking backwards down the stairs that is one movie that still like speaking of old I don't know if we need to wrap up but old probably soon but go ahead old horror movies that are still scary Exorcist man is the scariest thing I've ever seen I don't think I'll ever watch that I don't think you should ever watch it I really don't like even people that are less disturbed by horror movies when people ask me like oh I've never seen it I'm like good you know just don't It's so upsetting. It's effective. I waited to watch that until I was, like, in my probably early 20s, late teens. And it's still, like, I was like, how could they do this on film? Like, there's just certain things that are, like, because I remember I took a film class in college about, like, society and film and TV and how it all, like, kind of revolves around each other. Sure. And we talked about The Shining, which is incredible. And then we talked about The Exorcist at one point. And there's just so much graphic violence in it. Yes. But that movie, like, the scenes where there's not.

gratuitous gore or language or whatever are super scary. There's like one scene where the mom is just sitting downstairs and her possessed daughter is upstairs just speaking in like a low man's voice screaming things and she's just sitting alone like reading a book waiting for the priest to come and it's so upsetting. I hate it so much. Even you saying that made me squirmy. When I used to like I think Halloween was like one of the first horror movies where I was like I can't do this. I watched the whole thing and I was like this is not for me. Not for me. But like ever since then like I've always like and I was probably like again like 13 or 14 thinking like I can handle this. And I watched it probably with my mom and I was like.

I can't. This is not my cup of tea. But ever since then, I always used to have this irrational fear that Mike Myers was hiding in my closet, just waiting for his moment and stuff like that. And even now, I used to have this fear in my house where I'd have to check behind the shower curtain and make sure the doors were locked before I went to bed because I was terrified of some asshole coming in and just murdering everybody. Well, I'll let you know how our beach trip goes because it might be the same thing with a shark. I might get freaked out and not go in the ocean at all. We went to Virginia Beach, I remember as a kid, after I'd already seen Jaws several years, and I remember being like, I'm nervous. I'm slightly nervous about going in the water. I know it'll probably be fine.

but I don't know what's out there. You just don't know. The ocean is a strange place that we have yet to explore every corner of it. You can step on a piece of seaweed and freak out. Yeah. I've stepped on a skate in the water before. What's a skate? It's like a ray, kind of. It's like a bottom feeder, so it's just hanging out in the sand, but sand is covering it, so you don't know when you step on it and something moves under your foot and swims away. Great. It's terrifying. Or little fish will bonk onto your leg, like bonk, bonk, bonk. Can't wait. Yeah. We're going to have fun, Pete.

It's going to be great. Well, okay, I think we should just go ahead and wrap up. But I will let you know, Julie, I'm so glad that we watched this movie together. I really, really enjoyed it. I think there have been a couple of standouts from this show so far, and this was definitely one of them. It's a movie that I'm proud to say that I've finally seen now. Oh, good. So thank you for convincing me to do it. Of course, of course. So is there anything that you want to plug, Julie? Is there anything coming up that you would like to promote?

Well, I can say our good friend Daniel Hawks and I are writing our own web series. Oh, nice. It's still in the works, so there's not a ton to say about it. Yeah. But we will be filming it hopefully in August, and that will be promoted via social media. Great. So it'll be like a viral thing. So that's just something I'm working on, and then that's really it. I'm taking a little bit of a break this summer and just focusing on one thing. So that's kind of on my plate right now. Hell yeah. Yeah. Go for it. I love it. Pete, is there anything you want to promote? No. Okay.

Cool. I'm moving soon. Yeah, that's going to be... We're all excited about that. It's going to be fun. He's going to basically live in my apartment for two weeks before he can move into his little room. It's going to be hilarious to not have a place to live. How do you think... Is it Edie? Is that your dog's name? Yeah. Did she enjoy Jaws? I think she enjoyed watching us watch Jaws. She just was smiling at us watching Jaws. Like, isn't this fun? Like, you guys, this is great. She has a big smiley face. She was not watching the TV, though. If she would have paid attention, she would have been scared. She hates the water, so she probably was looking away on purpose.

Well, thank you so much for coming in. Thanks to both of you for doing this with me. And we will see you again soon. Bye. Bye. Thank you guys so much for listening to another episode of Bad At Movies. I'd just like to give a special thanks to my guest, Julie Schmierbeck, my co-host, Pete Byrne, and the producers of Second Wind Collective, Bridget Brown.

Dan Schiffmacher and Stephanie Kaufman. Thank you so much for listening. You can check us out. We have a Facebook page for Second Wind Collective and for Bad It Movies. You can like both of those and get information about other podcasts that way. Thank you so much. And so to end our show today, we are going to hear from Morty and Ava Rosenblum, our very famous film critics, who are going to talk about the movie Jaws with Julie. Thank you.

Hello, Internet. We are here in the studio. My name is Ava Rosenblum. And I am Mordecai. And we are here with Julie. Julie, your last name interests me because it has the word schmear in it. Like a good bagel with a schmear. Yes. Well, it's German. It's schmearback. German? Oh, dear. So, from what I understand, it comes from schmearbrecken, which means back pain. Oh, I've got a lot of schmearbrecken these days. Schmeck mir gut means I taste good to me. Yes, well, there you go. Schmecken Sie gut?

All right, let's move on. How do you know German, Morty? I fought the Nazis. I know a thing or two about Germany. I put a gun in a Nazi's mouth and I said, schmecken mir gutt, and then I fired the pistol. Oh, my God, Morty. That's my way of saying, eat lead. What's so funny, Daniel? That must be what you mumble about in your sleep when I hear you go. I dream every night of blowing a Nazi's brains out the back of his head.

So we watched Jaws. Jaws. What did you think of it? Oh, who, me? Either you, beautiful ladies. You know what? I would have liked... The one thing that I didn't enjoy was that the people just weren't allowed to enjoy their day at the beach. What is it that, Julie? How come nobody was allowed to have a good time in this movie? Well, there was a danger lurking in the waters, if you will. It's open water. There's always danger lurking in the waters. It's July 4th. We're trying to celebrate America. We can't even dip our toes in. Well, the thing about sharks is they don't care about American holidays, so they'll just, you know, terrorize anything.

He's very rude of them. How unthoughtful. How thoughtless. Jaws was the first propaganda film against terrorism then, wasn't it? Jaws were anti-American. And we killed him! Shot him dead, just like the Nazis. You could say that it is patriotic then, because we did overcome.

That's true. We overcame terrorism. I have a different perspective on this movie now. Oh, great. I like it. You had your mind changed. You know what I've heard about shark attacks? What? Is that to prevent a shark from biting you, you just rub your body in stinky substances. And then they won't think that you're tasty and they'll avoid you. I guess my wife is avoiding a shark attack 24-7. Excuse me? You stink, Ava. I stink? Therefore I am. That isn't very nice, Marty. I'm joking. You're beautiful. But Julia's more beautiful because she's younger than you.

This is true. She's a very lovely girl. You know what, Julie? You're about the same age as our son, Daniel. Oh. So look out, because he deserves... Not you. You deserve more than me. Right. Well, he could have been a doctor, and that could have been a great match, but don't even give him a second look. Guys. Oh, he's in the room. Yes, he's right there. I'm always here. I get them places. They can't get anywhere. Great first impression, Daniel. Look, I didn't...

I didn't know this was going to be a thing that I was going to meet someone today. Yes, if you would have known, you would have worn something nicer, I would assume, or put a comb through your hair. Daniel. Maybe he's trying to prevent a shark attack with his lips. I'm trying to prevent a shark attack. Very smart, Daniel, but we are inland right now. I don't think the closest body of water we have is a lake, and so far I haven't heard of any sharks coming into Lake Michigan. Julie, are there any freshwater sharks? That's a great question. Thank you. Yeah, I don't believe there are, at least not in this country.

I think the biggest danger that you have in Lake Michigan is freezing your tuchus off, because it's always cold. There are probably eels of sorts in there. Oh, God, eels. Slippery and horrible. Ew. Can you imagine if George took place in Lake Michigan in that cold water? That first scene, there would be some perky nipples. Oh, Morty, get your mind out of the gutter. How can I get my mind out of the gutter when the first five minutes includes a naked woman? Who do you think that's for? That's for me. That's for Morty. That's for Daddy. Daddy likes his nipples.

Julie, what makes this movie so great? Why is this your favorite movie? There's plenty of movies about sharks out there, and you like yours. Well, you know, it reminds me of my dad. Was your father a shark? No, no. Was he a used car salesman? He's a brewmaster. He's a brewmaster? He sells brooms. Yes. He's like a wizard. No, brewmaster, as in he makes beer for a living. Ah, so he's always drinking, much like the characters on the boat. I guess he related. He and I watched it together when I was young, and so it just kind of stayed with me, and I really enjoyed it growing up. That sounds like a nice daddy.

He sounds great, Morty. He's a good guy. He does sound like a good man. When we tried to show Daniel Jaws, he just played on his cell phone the whole time. He's just ungrateful. I was trying to share a tender moment with him, and he was on his Tinder.

How was your Tinder moment? There's a lot of... I don't know. It sucks. The app sucks. I was just trying to... We've seen that movie like five times. I'm going to do the same that you did to me while you're talking. I'm going to play on my cell phone. Do you know how to use that? This is just a CD. I thought it was a cell phone. I thought it was. Put your glasses on. Morty, would you say that the Brodies were privileged in there?

in their sons and how their relationship was compared to you and Daniel. At least they seemed to have some sort of initiative. Those boys were very young and they already knew how to get a sailboat ready and go down the water and flash around trying to attract a woman and start a family for him so he could be a grandfather instead of just an old man. I would have enjoyed the movie more if there wasn't this live commentary about how these kids' lives in the movie are better than mine. Or they've made better choices or, you know, they shouldn't. They had the same opportunities, they just took advantage of them. That's right. It was supposed to be a learning moment, but that was nuts.

Just let me be myself. What do you want to do with your life, Daniel? It's a simple question. I'm curious. See, he doesn't know. That's the problem, Julian. I'm 21. I don't have to make this decision yet. I just started drinking.

At 21, Morty was putting bullets in Nazi heads, and you're just sitting on our couch using Tinder. He didn't have a choice, did he? I did have a choice. It was like there's enemies, and we have to draft people, so you're going in. You just need to figure out what your enemy is today, son. Your attitude, I think, is your enemy. Yeah, shoot that attitude right in the head. Put a gun in your attitude's mouth and pull the trigger. Schmecken sie gut? Schmeer back in die gut, and my back hurts. Let's get out of here already. I could go for a angle. All right, I'll start the car.